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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #36121
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    This. It's a shame we don't have teleporters yet and can visit each other easily.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  2. #36122

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    SCUBJIA
    I was so sad after reading an article about how human teleporters are basically impossible in about 10 different ways...It's one of those "future technology" ideas that I love so much, I refused to think about it too hard. Kwim? That and flying cars, Jetsons-style. Although I think those are still totally possible; just a looooong way off. I had so hoped to have a flying, folding, easy landing Jetsons car in my lifetime!
    And there's your randomness for today.

    I'm sorry for all the Next-Ex-Husband contestants around here lately...And the candidates are:

    Chrissy's Soon-to-be-Ex for forcing people to take sides, sharing your business all over (Klassy! How else would people know whose side to take, though, amirite?). Seriously, the mature thing for both he and you to be saying to mutual friends and family is "This is between ex and I, and I hope it won't effect my relationship with you." Also, for getting involved with your friend, although I gotta say, she is choosing the drama over you, because I believe a reasonable person would understand that dating a close friend's long time husband (you're not even divorced yet!) is a recipe for drama.

    Bridget's Not-all-that-Dear-Husband for his constant gaslighting. [Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory, perception and sanity. It may simply be the denial by a manipulator that previous incidents ever occurred, or it could be the staging of bizarre events by an abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.

    The term "gaslighting" comes from the play Gas Light, in which a husband secretly dims the gas lights in the house and, when his wife remarks on it, he claims that she is mistaken. This is done to convince the woman that she cannot trust her own judgment, and so will not be believed if she tries to report other strange things that are genuinely occurring, which the husband wishes to keep secret. ]

    Erin's Doghouse-Dwelling-Hubs for his persistant and unexplanable foul mood, and taking it out on the children. Although the way you describe his staring at you and not responding when you asked him to make you keys, I genuinely wondered if it was possible that he was having an "absence seizure" (aka petit mal seizures). I have known two different people who had these, the presentations are subtle and often complex. One person would "disappear", but might be responsive to basic questions, and had no accompanying physical signs except staring. Spells might last 10-15 minutes. The other, a child, would have only 15-30 second seizures, but her eyes would roll back in her head a little, which was how you knew something was up. Anyway, I know Erin said her Hubs has acted like this at times in the past, so it's probably just him being a d!ck, but it might be worth watching for any other symptoms. But I love the way you handle him, Erin. At first I balked at you telling the kids he's trying to start trouble, but when I thought about it, it made a lot of sense in terms of teaching your kids better behavior patterns and self-regulation.

    Anybody else have nominations for the Next-Ex-Husband contest, lol?

    Also Bridget - I am glad you made the decision to commence with homeschooling immediately. The charter school would have been cool had it lived up to its ideals. But as somebody else said previously, lots of lofty hopes; poor execution. Bummer. You gave it a more than fair shot.

    Myles - Your neon waves sound really cool. I'm at work and can't see your photos but I looked some up online. I'm sorry Bodhi couldn't appreciate it yet.
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  3. #36123

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    Myles, I love the water effect...I love natural phenomena like that. Sorry Bodhi didn't appreciate it--he will in a couple years, I bet.

    Chrissy, sorry your friend was being judgemental.

  4. #36124
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    Quote Originally Posted by dana_renay View Post
    Chrissy's Soon-to-be-Ex for forcing people to take sides, sharing your business all over (Klassy! How else would people know whose side to take, though, amirite?). Seriously, the mature thing for both he and you to be saying to mutual friends and family is "This is between ex and I, and I hope it won't effect my relationship with you." Also, for getting involved with your friend, although I gotta say, she is choosing the drama over you, because I believe a reasonable person would understand that dating a close friend's long time husband (you're not even divorced yet!) is a recipe for drama.
    You are a dear. In this case, though, I don't think my cousin formed his opinion based on anything Rich has said to him. He said himself, Rich has only been over once since I left in May. Most the time, Rich does keep things to himself unless he's really upset with me (like right after he learned I'd hooked up with my former boss. That was too much to keep to himself, and honestly, I don't blame him for venting to some of his close friends about that). Roger (my cousin) is a bit chauvinistic and we've had debates before because he's one that believes women have certain roles. He also firmly believes that marriage is forever, regardless of the circumstances. The simple fact that I left makes me the 'bad guy' regardless of whether I soon after slept with someone else or not. That's just his warped thinking.

    As for Christen...I'm still shocked she entertained the idea but I get the impression she's trying to extricate herself from text exchanges with Rich. I could be wrong...but her last responses were short, one word replies and she totally ignored his invitation to go for a walk after dinner. She really is a genuinely sweet person who is going through a painful breakup of her own. I get that the attention from Rich might be soothing her ego a little (he is good looking and has always been very nice to her). I also get that she'd feel loyalty to me and I have no doubt this isn't very difficult for her.

    A little background on her-she was always very overweight, even when we were kids. She was teased a lot and didn't have any boyfriends in school. She had gastric bypass surgery, then her marriage fell apart. She entered a 1 year relationship with someone that had swept her off her feet. I remember when we went out shortly after she started seeing that guy, she said, "I never had this kind of attention. Men never ogled over me or flirted with me. I was always the ugly fat one. I'm loving this." I got it and I still get it. For her sake, I'm still happy that men hit on her. Even if it's my soon-to-be ex. If it makes her feel good, then it makes me happy.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  5. #36125
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    Chrissy, you are such a good friend. I don't know that I'd be that understanding, but I've never been in your place, so I can't actually say what I'd do. I was talking to a friend at work today whose sister is going through a breakup and I said the same thing; I just can't imagine being in her shoes-her husband started having an affair with someone he works with and everyone in the office knew about it but no one told her. They have a 4 year old and a 1 year old.

    Erin, I find your patience for your husband amazing. You are one strong lady!

    My own very dear husband is growing a moustache and beard for Movember and I have to say that I am loving it. I look at him and it's almost like I'm cheating on my husband with this incredibly sexy rocker guy with facial hair. LOL. I am so juvenile. Last year, he attempted to just grow the moustache and I was really turned off by it. He looked too much like Freddy Mercury and as much as I love Queen, I am not attracted to Freddy Mercury!

  6. #36126

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    Hilarious, Dana. Thanks for the smile this morning. I'm glad you were able to find other people's pictures (who's down with OPP? yeah you know me) of the shiny glowy waves, because my pics just didn't do it justice.

    And to add a moment of Zen (since I'm in the office and killing time between meetings) here's a little video I dug up of Baby Bodhi playing with hi friends when he was still about 10 mos old. This just makes me happy:


    Ash, I would love to see pics of your Rich with facial hair. I've seen pics of him and I think he'd look super handsome with extra fuzz.

    Chrissy, as someone who once lost 50lbs at the same time I got out of a 6 year relationship at age 27 and suddenly got all this attention, I get what you're saying about Christen. But I hope she outgrows it enough to use her head in situations like now. You're still being the "understanding one". Love you for that, but go ahead and let it out with us if you need to, ok? You need people to be understanding of you too.

  7. #36127

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    Almost forgot to share a message that was in my Inbox this morning sent by my boss. It was sent to pretty much the world. While it made me a little sad, I highlighted the glimmer of hope below in red. The e-mails I got in response were totally filled with love:

    Hi All,

    As most of you have heard already, (Myles) is coming up on her 18 month contract limit and will be leaving us at the end of this month.

    (Myles) has been an instrumental part of our project team this year, especially with tight timelines on key projects. She has also done a great job of representing me and the various projects that I am involved in.

    A and I have requested (Myles) to transition her responsibilities to:

    DY for GT and,
    BB for PPDMS
    (I will continue to cover DMS for now).

    Please inform your teams of this transition and please also start copying DY and BB on emails and meeting invites in addition to (Myles) and me.

    (Myles)’s last day is October 31. She will still continue covering projects that she is involved in, until then.


    I, and a lot of you, will miss (Myles) on the team but we hope to have her back with us in 2013. Perhaps we can keep sending her tweets on DMS, GT and PPDMS while she is away ;)

    I learned my boss put up a good fight for me, but the budget overlords won in the end. I'm just thankful to have had a good 18 months with this group and hope for more time with them (as much as I complain about everything). Nov/Dec is a really bad time to be shopping around for a job, if you guys recall the last time I was in this boat 2 years ago. January is actually ok when budgets loosen up and projects kick off again. If I am out of work for 2 months, it won't be that terrible, and I will definitely make the best of having that free time if it goes that way.

    This all just happened so fast. The life of a consultant, I guess.

  8. #36128

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    LOL Dana. I will be biased though and nominate my own DH instead of the others lol.

    And awwwww at baby B!! So cute. I can see how it makes you happy! I watch old videos of Elle at 6 months to make me happy sometimes so I can relate. But then they make me think I want another baby and that is a crazy idea for me so I just let it go and am happy I hada video camera to make videos of her. I regret being poor and not having one when Ky was a baby. He was such an interesting, cute, funny, action packed baby. I would have some great mood builders with videos of him. I have a phone video of him at 3 now that I think about it. It was his first "conscious" Halloween and he was a ninja with a fake sword and I asked him how a ninja acts and he started kicking and flipping and twirling all around like he was a real ninja lol! It was too cute! That and one of him rolling down a hill during fall, he laughed all the way down with me following him and kept rolling across the flat grass laughing even though he was already down the hill and I was telling him the hill was over cracking up. He was such a fun little boy. He still is but not as action packed as he used to be.

    Erin

  9. #36129
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    Quote Originally Posted by AmeriBrit View Post
    My own very dear husband is growing a moustache and beard for Movember and I have to say that I am loving it. I look at him and it's almost like I'm cheating on my husband with this incredibly sexy rocker guy with facial hair. LOL. I am so juvenile. Last year, he attempted to just grow the moustache and I was really turned off by it. He looked too much like Freddy Mercury and as much as I love Queen, I am not attracted to Freddy Mercury!
    You're a trip!

    I think my ease with 'letting' Rich move on is a clear indicator of how detached I am from him. When I was still emotionally connected, I wouldn't be this cool about it. Not by a long shot.

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Chrissy, as someone who once lost 50lbs at the same time I got out of a 6 year relationship at age 27 and suddenly got all this attention, I get what you're saying about Christen. But I hope she outgrows it enough to use her head in situations like now. You're still being the "understanding one". Love you for that, but go ahead and let it out with us if you need to, ok? You need people to be understanding of you too.
    I do think her head is gonna win out. Her responses to him aren't like they were over the weekend. I think she might have gotten sucked in a little, but when he insisted on her coming over for dinner with the kids there, her common sense won out. I could be wrong...time will tell. I really don't feel any sense of betrayal by her at all. Maybe a little from Rich, if only because he'd been telling me one thing and said something else entirely to her. But whatever. If he were perfect, I wouldn't have left.

    I wish you luck on your job search Myles. Just maybe this time it won't be as rough.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  10. #36130

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    Those swings are so cool Myles! I've never seen two sided swings like that here.

  11. #36131
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    I finally had 30 seconds to watch it. Too cute!!!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  12. #36132
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Ash, I would love to see pics of your Rich with facial hair. I've seen pics of him and I think he'd look super handsome with extra fuzz.
    Those of you with husbands who can grow facial hair might not be impressed with this, but this is quite the accomplishment for Rich-lol (He wouldn't be happy if he knew I was sharing a picture here!!!):

  13. #36133
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    Myles, I love the Bodhi swinging video; it's lovely to look back on those memories. I look back at videos from time to time and think it's bizarre how our brains just remember our kids how they are now and not how they used to be.

  14. #36134

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    Quote Originally Posted by AmeriBrit View Post
    Those of you with husbands who can grow facial hair might not be impressed with this, but this is quite the accomplishment for Rich-lol (He wouldn't be happy if he knew I was sharing a picture here!!!):
    Looks good! My DH has never tried to grow facial hair. He feels like the hair pattern around his chin is weird. And his dad has a moustache, so just a moustache would definitely be weird.

    Quote Originally Posted by AmeriBrit View Post
    Myles, I love the Bodhi swinging video; it's lovely to look back on those memories. I look back at videos from time to time and think it's bizarre how our brains just remember our kids how they are now and not how they used to be.
    I was thinking the same thing after I watched Myles' video. I look at old videos and pics and it seems like ancient history.

  15. #36135

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    Myles, I hope that you can count on that job again enough to be able to enjoy your time off without worrying.
    Chrissy, I do admire how level headed you are being about your friend. I have to say that I think that would annoy me but who knows for sure until I am in your shoes.

    When I drove to the school to pick up the other kids, we all went in so Savana and Kai could get their stuff and say goodbye. Savana wrote a card for each of her teachers and the principal. Every teacher came out while we were cleaning out their lockers to say goodbye and told me that they already miss having them around and that even today and yesterday their could feel their absence. They all told me how special they are and how they totally understand why I'd want to homeschool. That mean a lot to me. I think I would expect school teachers to be on the other side of the homeschooling issue. One even told me that she'd do it in a second if it was possible for her.
    When we left I asked the kids if they felt sad about leaving and they both said no that they would miss their friends but they were happy. Phew!
    Also, I told my dad today. I was a little nervous because I got the definite impression from both him and my brother that they felt I should stick it out longer. He said if I think it's right then by all means, do it. He said he's not at all worried that I won't do right by the kids' education but that It will be too much for me and I'll be stretched to thin. I assured him that this is 100% what I want.

  16. #36136

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    Your dh is very handsome!

  17. #36137
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    Your dad rocks

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    I haven't said much in here, but I am back on meds (Femara this time) and will do another IUI on Thursday! Long story, but basically the doctor just asked if I was doing one and I told him yes. Don't know if he forgot he told us he doesn't think it's worth our while, or remembers but is just willing to take our money anyway. Don't know, don't care, doing it anyway. With the Femara I have no lining issues (8mm! Perfect!) and two good follicles (16mm and 12mm) so chances are as good as or better than they've ever been. When you girls are doing your next naked full moon dance, spare an incantation for me.

    Had a talk with my mom today, about fertility and otherwise. She was gossiping and asked if i had read my cousin's blog - I hadn't so Mom asked if I was jealous that her husband got accepted to his grad program (huh??? Could care less about her husband; honestly he doesn't ever cross my mind. Certainly don't think he has anything to offer over DH if that is what she was getting at). So I told her the truth, which is that I don't want to hear about all her babies (short history, this cousin had her last baby the same day I miscarried in April. We were married the same summer, she is 10 years younger, and at the time she told me she planned to wait five years before having kids. Two weeks later I heard she was pregnant, and her son is now five. I've been trying this whole time while she has had three babies, all onbirth control. So no, I don't feel the need to read her blog. Mom told me she thought it was very rude that I could care about other people's babies that I had never met (this board) but I didn't care about K's. I glared at her and told her she obviously didn't understand the situation and needed to drop the subject. To her credit, she did.

    Is it that hard to understand why I would not want to obsessively follow my cousin's blog? Really? But at the same time be concerned about my FRIENDS and their families?
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  19. #36139

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    That was very insensitive of your mom.

  20. #36140
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    Oh wow Mandy. It doesn't matter what your reasons are, you are entitled to your feelings. Your mom has no right to question them. It is kinda rude.

    It's sorta the same thing that irritated me about my cousin. Totally different circumstances and scenarios, but lack of validation for us being entitled to feel what we do. It does suck.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  21. #36141
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    How I feel is how I feel. I love my cousin, but I remember her as a baby (and before she was born) and we have never been close as in friends. Why am I the villain here? I don't wish her ill or anything. She's a sweetheart. I just don't need to be in her business.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  22. #36142
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    You're absolutely entitled to feel that way. I don't get what your mom's deal possibly could have been about it.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  23. #36143
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    Thank you. I feel validated.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  24. #36144
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    I hope I didn't sound patronizing. I didn't intend to.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  25. #36145
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    No - not at all! You made me feel better.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    whew-good. Sometimes I second guess how my posts might come across. I'm especially paranoid when I know it's a particularly sensitive issue. Tone really is hard to convey in written word.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    Likewise with my post. That was intended to be serious and not sarcastic. I DO feel validated.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  28. #36148

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    That's what I am thinking. I mean, even if it wasn't completely heart wrenching for you to have to read about her babies (which has to be, and I totally think that alone is valid and reason enough) why should you feel obligated to follow her blog? I mean, what if she was blogging about gardening and you said you didn't follow? Would your mom have taken the same tone? I don't mean to talk crap about your mom but it's almost as if she was baiting you.

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    This particular post was about her husband's interview for a grad school admission. And yeah, as I said above, I just.don't.care. Not jealous, just.don't.care. Bridget, I wonder if she is baiting me? Interesting thought.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  30. #36150
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    Mandy, I think that is impossible for your mom to get it and really understand. Of course you wouldn't want to follow her blog! I avoided DH's family stuff for two years because it was too hard that his cousin and wife got married after us (and were going to wait to start a family) and ended up pg pretty much right away. Especially before we moved to adoption, I didn't want to see them, see the baby, really anything. I was good just having FB contact and that I could control if I wanted to see the gazillion pictures or not. I'm ok with seeing them now but the baby is about to turn three so it took some time.

    It is one of those things that is truly hard to understand without going through it I think. I love my mom and can talk to her.....BUT it's way easier to talk to my MIL. She tried for seven years to get DH and lost a little boy before him when she was 4-5 months along. She went through IF testing and DH was among the first babies born in our area from clomid. She remembers what it felt like when a relative was like, what's the matter don't you know how to eff right. Or having friends with babies the age that she would have had her first. She is just way easier to talk to about the IF or babies or planning stuff out and buying stuff.....where my mom feels more like we should wait in case we jinx it or don't get a baby.

    And OMG I'm happy you are trying the femera! Those numbers are so much better!

    Hmmm, am I seeing a bumper crop of babies in here in 2013?????? Maybe you....maybe me....maybe Myles???? Anyone else?????

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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