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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #35941

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    Hi, ladies. I come here and read everyday, but I just can't seem to make myself reply very often...either what I want to say is redundant or no longer timely or I type it all out and it just sounds stupid. But today is a new day, right?!

    Bridget - I love the saying that "Bravery is when you feel the fear and do it anyway". Kai was very brave. How frightened he must have been to be driven to claim that he loved peeing all the time! I hope his bravery leads to a solution, or at least an explanation, for his issues.

    I, too, have some psychological issues with blood draws and needles. I had a couple of passing-out experiences, and I just can't seem to get past those in my head. The dental-related needles are, for me, the very worst and I have finally had to resort to sedation dentistry in order to get my teeth taken care of. I let it get really, really bad. Like so bad I was then really ashamed to go to the dentist, which of course, just made everything even worse.

    I have been watching the political thread, and lol'ing at times, but not participating. Erin, thank you for schooling some fools. I'm ready for the election to be over with, don't love either of the candidates and will probably "throw away" my vote for president this cycle in protest. But NOT for the local races. I live in the state where Todd "Legitimate Rape" Akin is running for Senate, and of course, that kind of idiocy cannot be allowed to stand (he is even worse than is reported in the media).

    I'm still planning on leaving my job and going back to school in January with the eventual goal of becoming a certified nurse midwife. My husband is not exactly supportive of my entire education plan...he supports me completing my bachelor's, but doesn't think I will have good employment prospects as a CNM and will end up having to work in nursing and be unhappy. I told him if, when the time comes to start my CNM work, job prospects in the state still don't look good, I will change course and do a Family Nurse Practitioner certificate instead and that I feel I could be happy in that job. He just keeps saying how "I hate people"...which I do say to him, but isn't precisely true. I just have a lot of social anxiety. But I have managed to be sucessful in my current job, where all my peers have Master's degrees and so clearly, I have obtained some degree of proficiency in dealing with people. IDK. Maybe he is right and I am just ignoring my own faults because I want a change so badly. He really makes me doubt myself. I wish he could be more supportive.
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  2. #35942

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    Quote Originally Posted by dana_renay View Post
    Hi, ladies. I come here and read everyday, but I just can't seem to make myself reply very often...either what I want to say is redundant or no longer timely or I type it all out and it just sounds stupid. But today is a new day, right?!

    Bridget - I love the saying that "Bravery is when you feel the fear and do it anyway". Kai was very brave. How frightened he must have been to be driven to claim that he loved peeing all the time! I hope his bravery leads to a solution, or at least an explanation, for his issues.

    I, too, have some psychological issues with blood draws and needles. I had a couple of passing-out experiences, and I just can't seem to get past those in my head. The dental-related needles are, for me, the very worst and I have finally had to resort to sedation dentistry in order to get my teeth taken care of. I let it get really, really bad. Like so bad I was then really ashamed to go to the dentist, which of course, just made everything even worse.

    I have been watching the political thread, and lol'ing at times, but not participating. Erin, thank you for schooling some fools. I'm ready for the election to be over with, don't love either of the candidates and will probably "throw away" my vote for president this cycle in protest. But NOT for the local races. I live in the state where Todd "Legitimate Rape" Akin is running for Senate, and of course, that kind of idiocy cannot be allowed to stand (he is even worse than is reported in the media).

    I'm still planning on leaving my job and going back to school in January with the eventual goal of becoming a certified nurse midwife. My husband is not exactly supportive of my entire education plan...he supports me completing my bachelor's, but doesn't think I will have good employment prospects as a CNM and will end up having to work in nursing and be unhappy. I told him if, when the time comes to start my CNM work, job prospects in the state still don't look good, I will change course and do a Family Nurse Practitioner certificate instead and that I feel I could be happy in that job. He just keeps saying how "I hate people"...which I do say to him, but isn't precisely true. I just have a lot of social anxiety. But I have managed to be sucessful in my current job, where all my peers have Master's degrees and so clearly, I have obtained some degree of proficiency in dealing with people. IDK. Maybe he is right and I am just ignoring my own faults because I want a change so badly. He really makes me doubt myself. I wish he could be more supportive.

    I know where you're coming from. My dh can be unsupportive too, saying things like "I'll support you when you're actually doing it" when what I really need is support on the journey to doing it. I admire you for trying to work past your anxiety.

    I have stayed out of the political thread. Not even sure where it is, LOL. I just find it really hard to get past the BS and figure out what is actually true about each candidate and their plans and policies. Even DH doesn't know who he's going to vote for. He usually leans towards Republican but he really does not like Romney.

  3. #35943
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    Dana, maybe you need to tell DH that you *need* him to be supportive right now. IME, men aren't good at reading hints. Even ones written out in bold letters.

  4. #35944

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Dana, maybe you need to tell DH that you *need* him to be supportive right now. IME, men aren't good at reading hints. Even ones written out in bold letters.

    I agree with this Dana and am hoping your DH can be more encouraging and supportive. I bet this whole process is both scary and exciting for you. I am excited for you!!

    My DH is never supporting or encouraging so I just don't tell him things I plan on doing as he is pretty negative in regards to what I want to do. I have come to terms with the fact that he is just not supportive but it does sadden me to have to think twice about sharing things with him. He is probably the only person that is capable of hurting my feelings and most of the time when he does the topic at hand surrounds a goal of mine, which is odd because he does think I am very focused in general - at least that's what he says and he feels I excel at doing whatever it is I set out to do, he just has a different perspective on what encouragement and support really are I guess. Like, when I was down about my failure to lose weight like I usually do recently, I let myself get to a funk due to him telling me how I don't work out hard enough and that I should eat less and just tell me things that I am doing wrong, when really I don't think I was doing anything wrong and all I needed was a - you're doing good IMO, just keep it up and see what happens. But I should have known better to even say anything to him about it. Most of DHs family knows he's like that too.

    I hope your DH is nothing like mine. He was not supportive of me going back to school either, mostly because we would have less money for him to spend. He likes to buy a lot of things and since I usually make more money than him when I work, I think he depends on that income to get the crap he wants.

    Erin

  5. #35945

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    Dana, I am sorry your dh is not being supportive. I really can relate as dbf shoots down a lot of my ideas and plans but I have just let it motivate me to do a really good job. He does it with everything. Just the other day I asked him what sort of paint I should buy to paint this little bench with drawers I bought because it's white and I want it to be colorful. He said, "Why bother it's just a junky thing that won't last." I don't give him the satisfaction of getting worked up about it because I know that's his way of getting a dig in at me for buying something he didn't think I should buy (6.99 at rummage btw, so why he cares I don't know). So I just said, "Did you minunderstand the question I was asking?" lol
    Anyway, I'm excited for you and I think it's a fantastic goal and really it's only my opinion but I think we are in the beginning of an evolution of sorts (although it's back to nature in most ways) where people will begin to steer away from modern medicine in cases where it is not needed and the need for midwives will grow.

    Just returned from another unorganized field trip with the kids' school. It's getting really annoying. I found out that the next board meeting is tomorrow and I'm alone with the kids tomorrow night so no chance I can go.

  6. #35946

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    Oh, I have straight out told him that he is being discouraging and not at all supportive. I even told him he was acting like my mother (the ultimate insult around these parts; she is famous for her "oh, you are so smart and wonderful, why are you such a failure? you should do something amazing - but not that, you wouldn't be good at that at all."). To this he replied a surly "you know I will support anything you want to do". Kind of like your husband, Erin, I think he is just not capable of being the "go get 'em, tiger" kind of supportive I feel like I need right now. I guess I should consider myself lucky that he is willing to bear the financial burden of this little adventure.
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  7. #35947

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    Bridget - Take the kids to the board meeting. It's educational!
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  8. #35948
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    Yes, take the kids and go, Bridget! I would.

  9. #35949

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    Quote Originally Posted by dana_renay View Post
    Oh, I have straight out told him that he is being discouraging and not at all supportive. I even told him he was acting like my mother (the ultimate insult around these parts; she is famous for her "oh, you are so smart and wonderful, why are you such a failure? you should do something amazing - but not that, you wouldn't be good at that at all."). To this he replied a surly "you know I will support anything you want to do". Kind of like your husband, Erin, I think he is just not capable of being the "go get 'em, tiger" kind of supportive I feel like I need right now. I guess I should consider myself lucky that he is willing to bear the financial burden of this little adventure.
    This!
    I just want him to get excited with me! Like, I come up with things I want to do and believe me, I don't have great ideas that often but when I really feel like I'm onto something, I feel a little sad that DH won't share my excitement. He doesn't really get excited about anything and I allow myself to be disappointed by this, time after time, when I should really be used to it.

    Bridget, if you really want to go to the meeting and you think the kids would last through it, go!

  10. #35950

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    Couldn't they just pretend to be excited for us? I mean, a little fake excitement doesn't cost anything. And I know we've all faked excitement over one thing or another for our DH's now and then.
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  11. #35951

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    I have faked excitement and even interest plenty of times with my DH. He has been a boxer (which I hated) and then wanted to be a comedian (which I thought was hilarious but didn't tell him because he is so not funny) he now wants to write screen plays - he's not a good writer, but I don't doubt that if he wants to get better at it, he can. He boxed (has an 0-1 professional record!) and took some improv classes and got pretty good at improv. I wasn't interested in and for boxing I didn't even want him to do it as I was PG with Elle at the time and he was "training" for a fight and basically I was alone for the whole pregnancy. He hardly even came to the hospital after she was born and then only wanted to stay like an hour and go "train." I was a hormonal wreck and am still upset for him about his boxing. He is thinking of doing it again because it was the only time he was able to get in the kind of physical shape he wanted to be in. I will be supportive of it if he wants to do it.

    And Bridget, I agree to take the kids. There are always kids at our board meetings. Plus the meeting is about 2/3rd of your kids lol so I would think they wouldn't mind having some students there.

    Erin

  12. #35952

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    For my DH, it's cars. Now, I like classic and cool/interesting cars, but I am not totally car crazy like he is. I've faked (or amplified) excitement in car museums, car shows, car cruises, the many craigslist "look-sees" I've endured. We bought a house with more garage than house (a 2600 sq ft garage- that's just ridiculous). Finally, I recently let him spend more than I felt was reasonable on a classic car he decided he really wanted. It never ends with the cars with this man (just FYI, we, as a three person family, own EIGHT vehicles). I wish he had half the passion for me that he has for cars.
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  13. #35953
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    Rich was very supportive of me when I went to school. Even though I changed my degree program 3 times, he was supportive each and every time. It sounds great-and it was really. I DO appreciate that he believed in me...I also think it's part of the "whatever you say, we'll do" mentality that ended up annoying the hell out of me. I feel kinda bad even thinking this, but for me always hearing I was right without any sort of feedback or alternative ideas about anything ever was quite annoying.

    Perhaps if he'd actually discussed pros/cons with me, bringing in his own thoughts, on various other things in our 20 years together then I would be able to really appreciate how supportive he was when I went to school better. I mean, I DO appreciate it. But I can't help but look at the whole picture and think...he wouldn't ever have not been supportive. Not even if I went to pole dancing school to be a stripper.

    Two big things I feel he should have offered some input on were when we filed bankruptcy, and then when we decided to move out to Candor leaving out house behind (choosing to not pay for it because it was included in the bk). He doesn't ever say anything like, "That was a bright idea" or try to make me feel bad, but both those decisions were 100% mine and since they were huge mistakes I can't help but feel 100% of the responsibility for it. I don't know if we'd have done differently, but if he could have looked into options and offered his own opinion that wasn't a parrot of something I'd told him...I dunno. It would have been better. I honestly felt like I was the mom in our relationship and I grew to resent that a lot.
    Last edited by missychrissy; 10-10-2012 at 03:00 PM.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  14. #35954

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    Oh yeah, I can see how the opposite end of that spectrum would be just as frustrating.

  15. #35955
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    There must be a happy medium somewhere. If there's a guy that's capable, I want him.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  16. #35956

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    You're right, Bridget, both ends of that spectrum sound annoying! I can see how that is too much burden to bear alone, Chrissy. On both ends, there is a serious lack of "partnership".
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  17. #35957
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    So this is strange...Rich told me he'd asked my friend out for drinks. He said, "Unless you think it's weird or something." According to Rich, she didn't think it was weird but was helping someone with a bday party and couldn't go that night. I'm happy he's asking girls out, but a little taken aback that he asked Christen. She's been my friend since we were in 1st or 2nd grade. She may have been blowing him off and being nice, but I talk to her regularly and in fact plan on doing dinner & a movie this weekend together and she didn't mention it to me. She's recently split from a longterm bf herself and I know if he asked me out, she'd be the first one I'd tell.

    I'm not really jealous, but I do think it's odd. I've also thought she'd make a great stepmom if it went that far. But how odd! I guess stranger things have happened though. So we'll see. I'm not mad or anything like that. I dunno how much I'd be able to confide in her if she did start dating Rich. That would kinda be sad for me.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  18. #35958
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    Dana, as far as not being a people person goes, I think it's such a different thing. I jokingly consider myself "anti-social" because I rarely go out and am bad at keeping up with friends IRL. One of the things that most surprises me about my job is how much I love dealing with families / parents at work. I knew I liked working with kids, but the parent aspect really surprises me. Once you are in a position where people are relying on you for support, it is extremely satisfying. I have no doubt it is possible to provide excellent care in a service profession like being a CNM while still not being a people person in your private life.

    Chrissy, that would be weird. I have to suspect that would change your relationship with your friend even if you are totally okay with what is happening. As you said, it would change what you can say to one another and your impressions of different things that may happen will be from a very different perspective. But not to say you can't still be friends - just differently.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  19. #35959
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    I agree with Mandy. I'm not very social at home, but I love dealing with people at work.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  20. #35960

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    I feel like it would be the same for me. I feel competent dealing with people in my professional life. It's just my personal life that's so vague and therefore uncomfortable.
    Chrissy - I do think it's weird of Rich to be trying to go out with a very old friend of yours. I won't speculate as to motivations, but will say that it seems like it's more about you than her. I would have a hard time with that.
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  21. #35961
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    I did think about that later...I'd hope Rich wouldn't try to get close to her in order to get information about me. She's too good of a person to be used like that. If he thinks it would make me jealous...um, no. He can date if he wants. I have no issues about that.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  22. #35962

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    Whether it's to stay in the same social circle, fish for info, or attempt to rub it in your face, it's still about you. Or it could just be completely unrelated. But it seems like it would be much healthier of him to move on to someone who *doesn't* have close ties to you, kwim?
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  23. #35963

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    Yes, yes, something about it did not resonate well with me and that's it right there. It certainly does seem more about you than anything else. Not cool.

    Quick question for you ladies. Are emails case sensitive. I'm sending out about 20 emails for dbf tonight and he's got them all sprawled out in 1/2 caps and 1/2 lowercase.

  24. #35964
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    Quote Originally Posted by dana_renay View Post
    Whether it's to stay in the same social circle, fish for info, or attempt to rub it in your face, it's still about you. Or it could just be completely unrelated. But it seems like it would be much healthier of him to move on to someone who *doesn't* have close ties to you, kwim?
    While I can't say with any certainty what Rich's true motivation is, I think it's more likely just that he's a bit lonely but he doesn't know how to make his own friends. He doesn't have any female friends at all. None that weren't 'mine' first anyway. And he's not one to go out to a bar to pick up chicks either. So I think I'm just going to give him the benefit of the doubt. Christen is smart...if it looks like he's just using her to pump her for information about me, she won't put up with it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Yes, yes, something about it did not resonate well with me and that's it right there. It certainly does seem more about you than anything else. Not cool.

    Quick question for you ladies. Are emails case sensitive. I'm sending out about 20 emails for dbf tonight and he's got them all sprawled out in 1/2 caps and 1/2 lowercase.
    I'm not sure what you mean, but business emails should be composed with the same punctuation, grammar, and professionalism you'd use in a letter.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  25. #35965
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    Bridget, do you mean email address? I don't believe the domain part is, but the individual identifier part might be.

    ETA: According to DH, that is rarely enforced by ISPs, and you are likely safe if you do all lower case.
    Last edited by Suja; 10-10-2012 at 08:26 PM.

  26. #35966
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    Oh, if you mean the specific email address itself, then no...caps/no caps doesn't matter. It's not case sensitive.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  27. #35967

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    Thanks, ladies. I ended up googling and that's the gist I got. Sorry I wasn't more clear folks. The grammar and punctuation are the reasons I am sending the emails!
    Last edited by Bridget; 10-10-2012 at 09:22 PM.

  28. #35968
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    Bridget, this may be none of my business and feel free to tell me to shut up, but I'm concerned that you are doing work for him such as paperwork and emails. They hired him to do the job. You are already spread thin with the kids, everything you do around the house, daycare kids, etc. you do everything. Can't he even do his own job without you to do it for him? If he can't, maybe he shouldn't be doing this job.

    *going off into my corner now ... Criticism is aimed at him, not you ... Love you, Bridget*
    Last edited by Gwenn; 10-10-2012 at 10:05 PM.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  29. #35969
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    Mandy, I think Bridget has said previously that she does this sort of stuff for her BF (who is unappreciative of the help). I can see why - for love, for reducing stress, for making a happier BF and therefore making for a nicer home life - all I know is that I wouldn't be capable of such largesse. Yet another reason I think she's a saint.

  30. #35970
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Mandy, I think Bridget has said previously that she does this sort of stuff for her BF (who is unappreciative of the help). I can see why - for love, for reducing stress, for making a happier BF and therefore making for a nicer home life - all I know is that I wouldn't be capable of such largesse. Yet another reason I think she's a saint.
    I agree that Bridget is a saint and can see that perspective of making life easier ... I'm just imagining myself asking DH to do part of my work for me and I can't think of a single situation that it would even make sense. My DH also is a poor speller and has shaky grammar. He asks me how to spell words all the time and I will give my advice when asked but he does 100% his own work. Really, it seems dishonest to his employer and it makes it really difficult for them to know what work they can give him and count on him to do independently - kind of like buying a paper for college to pass a class. Know what I mean?
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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