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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #35701
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    All the music I have bought in the past few years has been kid music.

    I didn't find out until now that I have the rest of the week off. We have been stressing about how to take care of the kids while my mom is gone. DH was thinking about working from home and trying to get S. in to preschool an extra couple of days, but he was sick last week and would be missing a bunch of meetings and deadlines. My mom said she would like us to come to Wisconsin enough to pay for the plane tickets, but obviously we can't go since we would have had to be leaving now and I didn't know I had the time off work.

    I think they were probably working on it, but it took a long time to find people to cover all of my shifts, especially over a weekend. I'm glad I didn't wait for them to get back to me before telling my mom to get her tickets.


  2. #35702

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    L, I'm so sorry for your loss, and especially sorry for your mom. This must be a very hard time. Maybe, just maybe, there's a way you can still make it happen where at least you (but preferably the kids too) can get out there. You and your family would probably make it much less painful for your mom. I would have loved to see pics of your kids playing with Bridget's.

    Ash, I meant to chime in that I love the idea of curryoke. I'm glad to hear it was a blast.

    Katy, DH & I saw "The Master" last weekend, and we just couldn't get into it. It was beautifully acted and I'm sure it's going to win all sorts of Oscars, plus it's made some interesting waves among Scientologists. But it didn't feel like entertainment, which is what we were hoping for on the rare movie date night that my parents are around to look after Bodhi. There's a huge chance that I'm too shallow or thick-headed to appreciate certain films (No Country for Old Men being another that comes to mind).

    I've had some bad news that's still sinking in. I might have to switch away from my current job contract and do something else --- maybe for 6 months before coming back to work for this company. There had been some talk about hiring me full time, and I gave them my resume like they asked about 4 months ago. Things like salary and their budgets were always up in the air. It was never certain that I'd take a job they offered since they might have low-balled me. Anyway, it doesn't look like there's budget for it, and I'd totally forgotten about legal time limits to my contract. I'm going to be hitting a wall at the end of the month. We'll see if they can make a case that I'm indispensable and at least extend me for a spell. The max extension they can make is another 12 months (before either having to hire me or force a 6 month hiatus).

    Worst case scenario is that my contract has to end and I have to find another job for good. I may be out of work during the holidays, which are slow periods for finding work in my industry. I'm really comfortable with my work-at-home routine (am in love with it, as you ladies know), plus it feels like my team would be forced to flounder with some projects that are dependent on my knowledge, so it wouldn't be good for me or this company to let me go right now. We'll see. This is the roller caster of being a consultant. You get a lot of freedom and financial benefit, but you have the instability that goes with it. I've been doing this for 13 yrs now, so I'm ok with just rolling with it. I DON'T like the way all this uncertainty has mad it hard to plan for baby #2. We were holding off on seriously trying until we got word on the hire. Now that it's not looking likely, I think I might just say F it and get to baby-making.

    Found out yesterday that some good friends of ours are expecting baby #2. They are surviving also on a very tight budget, so DH & I both told ourselves that if they can do it, we can do it too. We just have to make the necessary adjustments.

    Thanks, girls, for being here at times like this when I really need friends to share my upset with and noodle through all my thoughts. Love you.

  3. #35703
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    L, it seems like they'd have a better system in place for sudden deaths. I mean, it happens.

    Myles, gosh that's bothersome. I do hope they can get some $ in their budget to keep you.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  4. #35704
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    so, I was Googling and stumbled upon a post by someone claiming a Cornell professor practiced female mutilation on infants/children. I couldn't believe it but it appears be true. http://www.thenation.com/blog/36481/...nital-cutting#

    This was a study that was completed in 2007. In the US. Not only did he alter their clitoris, but he used a 'vibrating tool' to test the sensation yearly after the fact.

    I'm nauseous. And quite pissed.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  5. #35705

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    Myles, if you are shallow and thick headed, I don't know what I am. I don't like movies that are too complicated or over my head but I don't like mindless action films all that much either. I like an entertaining story, interesting style, humor, maybe a twist or big reveal at the end. I'm a big fan of twists and reveals, actually.

    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    so, I was Googling and stumbled upon a post by someone claiming a Cornell professor practiced female mutilation on infants/children. I couldn't believe it but it appears be true. http://www.thenation.com/blog/36481/...nital-cutting#

    This was a study that was completed in 2007. In the US. Not only did he alter their clitoris, but he used a 'vibrating tool' to test the sensation yearly after the fact.

    I'm nauseous. And quite pissed.
    Uh, wow. Ew.

    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    L, it seems like they'd have a better system in place for sudden deaths. I mean, it happens.

    Myles, gosh that's bothersome. I do hope they can get some $ in their budget to keep you.

    This.
    Last edited by daylilies; 10-01-2012 at 06:24 PM.

  6. #35706

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    SCUJIA-ing here.

    Just got back from Chicago for DH's and Elle's birthday celebrations and am beat!!

    So sorry about your grandfather L.

    Erin

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    Welcome back Erin! Can't wait to hear about it!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  8. #35708

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    JoJo has pneumonia again. She is such a secret sickie! Yesterday she wanted to play soccer, ride bikes, run around playing zombies with some kids she met, giving no indication she had a fever or was sick (except for a cough that she has had for two weeks that I thought was allergies). Then last night the fever and cough, this morning a fever and then she threw up. Off to the dr. To find that she has pneumonia!

    Sick days can be so hard. She was pretty sick all day, lying on the couch watching movies. Tomorrow might be harder because she will be feeling better and will want to be more active. I made a couple of pumpkin pies this afternoon that I can't stop eating. Maybe I will give one to my neighbors.

    L- yes, it was the yellow rain episode. It bothered me that they tormented these poor people yet had no real story. It's like they were trying to distract me from the lack of content by dangling these crying and upset people in front of my eyes. Instead of trying to get to a real story they gave up and lazily decided to go for heart wrenching emotion. It made me feel betrayed. I know that seems strong, but I feel that before this I could trust them to be straight, entertaining, scientifically oriented. Now it just looks like they go for the easy heart string.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  9. #35709
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    L I'm sorry for your loss and that it didn't work out for you to travel to Madison.

    Myles I'm sorry that the job is so up in the air. You should just say f it and get to TTC. We had put it off a while due to job stuff being up in the air and there is a part of me that will always wonder if we had started trying at that point...right when I was at my thinnest ever and was younger, maybe it would have happened.
    Plus well we need some babies in here so when I get mine, I will have company.

    Blah I don't know what I did yesterday but I must have been sitting weird at my desk because I managed to hurt my shoulder. It was bad last night and only sort of bad this morning...until I put my bra on. I'm DDD so not too comfortable today. Been trying to make sure that I keep moving it and stretching and being aware of how I'm sitting.

    I hope that JoJo feels better soon!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  10. #35710

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    Katy, I hope Jojo feels better right away!

    Chrissy and Jennifer, thanks for the supportive words. I'm resigned to the worst case scenario, and will make the best of it. This has been a good exercise in positive thinking for me. Last time this happened with the same company, I freaked out if you guys remember. The knot in my stomach hasn't gone away, but I've decided I'm not going to hinge my happiness on keeping one particular job.

    That doctor at Cornell needs to lose a license! Those poor girls!

    Welcome back, Erin!
    Last edited by demigraf; 10-02-2012 at 09:05 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    That doctor at Cornell needs to lose a license! Those poor girls!
    With all the feminists that work at Cornell, I cannot believe there wasn't complete and utter outrage and protesting about this. I really can't.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  12. #35712
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    so, I was Googling and stumbled upon a post by someone claiming a Cornell professor practiced female mutilation on infants/children. I couldn't believe it but it appears be true. http://www.thenation.com/blog/36481/...nital-cutting#

    This was a study that was completed in 2007. In the US. Not only did he alter their clitoris, but he used a 'vibrating tool' to test the sensation yearly after the fact.

    I'm nauseous. And quite pissed.
    Honestly it looks awful at first BUT it's not what it seems. And it took me reading that 2-3 before figuring it out. He's not doing this on normal girls for reasons like they do in Africa. But mentions this disorder http://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topi...yperplasia.cfm

    And really if you saw the pictures of some of these kinds of conditions, I could see making the decision to do the surgery as well. It's not just that it looks a little bigger than normal but that it's like penis sized...but the child is a female genetically.

    This was published in a very reputable journal.
    Purpose

    Enlargement of the clitoris is often a prominent manifestation of virilizing congenital adrenal hyperplasia and other disorders of sexual development. Controversy persists regarding the viability and sensitivity of the clitoris following clitoroplasty. We present 51 consecutive cases of nerve sparing ventral clitoroplasty performed by a single surgeon.
    Last edited by Cosmosmom; 10-02-2012 at 09:58 AM.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  13. #35713
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    There are many other experts that are arguing what he's doing isn't helpful, could be more harmful, and that he doesn't even know if an issue will even develop into adulthood if left alone. And the whole testing of it....ick. If that doesn't cause sexual dysfunction later in life, I don't know what would.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  14. #35714
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    Unfortunately if the result is to try to spare the nerves, there has to be a way to test it. And hopefully this is being fully explained to the girls with their parents present the whole time. Ok I pulled up the actual article. They performed the surgery on younger girls but only tested those ages five and up. Most was just a pressure test using a cotton swab. Vibrators were not used. A biotheisometer was used...this is often used in neurological procedures and this was usually about 2 years after the surgery. Obviously it will take time to follow up with the girls as they become women.
    Definitely wasn't some dirty old man getting off on molesting young girls with adult vibrators.

    This practice is not something that he alone does. It's a common treatment for the condition but there are reservations because they worry about the nerves being destroyed. 30 or 40 years ago, they used to just cut the whole thing off. The fact that they are developing techniques for correction AND preserving function and sensation is pretty great.

    The crummy part is any urology issue is a sensitive area, especially with kids. I assisted with a research project on a common testing procedure in small kids...VCUG....and found a lot of info that said that this (while not painful)....at that age could be as traumatic as sexual abuse. That project changed how we practiced that in terms of prep with the kids and for some, using medication.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  15. #35715
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    Well I'm far too busy at work to go digging the stuff up over again, but there are definitely other well respected urologists that are completely appalled and disagree that what he's doing isn't negligent if not outright abusive.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  16. #35716
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    Obviously it's a little quieter for me today. I did some digging and found that a lot of those against were not medical doctors. But I am sure that there are some. There always is in medicine. I can find evidence going either way for most things I have researched in the past 8 years.
    I just had the inital reaction of disgust at first too....thinking that he was performing genital mutilation. It wasn't until after I read the articles that I realized it was genital surgery to preserve function and not destroy it like mutilation.
    Thankfully these conditions are rare and that with better medical testing, we are getting the correct genders most of the time. I think that a lot of the controversy too comes in from intersex people who got assigned the wrong gender and that creates a lot of issues. Now if they can wait to do surgery until the child is able to decide for themself, they do. But they can't always wait.
    Any child now going through this is going to have a whole team of doctors...not just a pediatric urologist.

    Makes me feel grateful that I was born a girl and have always felt that I was a girl in my soul. And hope that I would never have to make that kind of decision for my own child.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  17. #35717

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    Interesting discussion, for sure. I know not enough of the condition to voice an opinion on the matter but will admit at the words genital mutilation, I did bristle.
    Myles, I hope that things get worked out at your job. The unknown is scary. I saw on fb that B is writing his name. He's good!
    Welcome back, Erin!
    Katy, i hope your sweet girl is feeling better today.
    Chrissy, things any better on the homefront?

    I forgot to tell you guys that when I was on Kai's fieldtrip with him I asked his teacher if he could ride the bus from point B to point C since it was just a ten minute drive. He LOVES riding the bus. It's one of his top five reasons for liking school. Well, she noticable grimaced when I asked so I quickly steered Kai toward the van and said, "Quick, in the car so we can get right behind the bus". Well he didn't miss the grimace and he cried and cried before actually falling asleep at which point the bus pulled over because it was lost and I told the teacher we were just going to head back. When he woke up he had to pee. So I pulled over. 12 minutes later he had to pee again. I didn't say anything, I never do. I try to be ultra sensitive to him because I know he is very self concious about it. (Did I tell you he told his teacher he hates his body? I think about that several times a day so if I already told you, sorry) Anway, I guess I sort of looked up and sighed. When I crawled to the back of the van to get him unbuckled and give him the pee jar (i have to keep it in the car for when we are not near a bathroom. Also helpful for when Sawyer is sleeping so I don't have to unload the whole crew) he said, "I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry for always wasting your time."
    Every time I think about that it's like a knife in my gut. Of course I told him that he is not wasting my time a bit. That I am with him, and that is how I measure my time, by how much I get to be with him and Savana and Sawyer. I told him please don't ever feel bad about telling me he has to go potty that I am proud of him for trying so hard to never have an accident."
    He noticed what I thought was an imperceptible head movement from me. I hope his teacher is not visibly annoyed every time he asks to go to the bathroom.

    These are the things I think about as I'm waving goodbye to them in the school yard and they are holding hands in my rear view mirror.
    Last edited by Bridget; 10-02-2012 at 12:11 PM.

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    That got me. I'm sitting at my desk crying for Kai. Oh Bridget.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  19. #35719

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    I get tears in my eyes every time I think about it. Yesterday I kept them home from their field trip and we went to a science museum and an old paper factory museum. We stopped at a park and we ate lunch at a picnic table outside piggly wiggly. All day we had so much fun. On the way home they practiced writing their letters in their notebooks, with no prompting from me. When we got home they told dbf all about what they learned and taught him a thing or two.
    I just feel like we were meant to be a homeschooling family. It's just what works for us.
    i talked to to dbf about it this morning. He's on board today. I just need him to be sincere so he doesn't throw it in my face later that I'm not bringing in income.

  20. #35720
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    I'm afraid that your dbf would throw it in your face no matter whether he'd been sincere at one point or not. I think he knows that's an area where you're sensitive, so he'd use it if the occasion warranted.

    But it certainly does sound like homeschooling would be far preferable to what's going on right now. Even if dbf has something to say later, you know it's the best. And your kids will benefit greatly from it.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  21. #35721

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    Thank you for saying that, Chrissy.

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    I'm not just saying it. My heart is hurting for both Kai and Savanna way over here. As I read that post, I kept thinking Christmas break seems so far away.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  23. #35723
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    Bridget, have you had any luck getting in him to see a doctor? I'm just thinking that if he knew that x was wrong and that was why he had to potty so often and that there was a reason, than maybe he would feel better. Sometimes just knowing why can help so much.

    Just go with your gut. I regret so much not listening to mine in regards to Cosmo's eyes. I knew something wasn't right but was told multiple times by a couple of different vets at that one place that it was just allergies or nothing really to worry about. I cannot believe that I didn't try a different place sooner....that I let her suffer for at least three years with uncomfortable eyes...they say the pressure is like having a constant headache. I wish that I had taken her to the specialist several years sooner.....all it takes is a drop of prednisone in each eye once a day and the swelling has gone down at least a quarter of an inch and we can see whites in eyes again. And she doesn't squint at me very often anymore.
    I don't think that I will ever ignore that gut feeling again that something isn't right.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  24. #35724
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    Could you maybe do a family contract? Where you get him to agree in writing to homeschooling? And maybe even get the kids involved....like have them agree to some ground rules that you all agree upon like maybe a certain number of hours a day or that sometimes they have to work on a subject that isn't a favorite?

    But if you at least get dbf to put in his own handwriting that he's in agreement with this....than if he did try to throw it in your face at some point, you could be like look dude, this was a joint decision and here's the proof.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  25. #35725

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    Oooh, that is a good idea.
    I had already planned for that for Savana especially since she likes to fight me on things and I don't want to run into that. I want harmony, damit! lol

  26. #35726
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    I want harmony, damit! lol
    Amen. Me too.

    Bobbie texted me saying that her dad told her that her & Millie could come back to my house. What I'd said was I'd let her come back if she picked up after herself and didn't argue with me when I told her things needed to be done, both things I didn't believe would happen. So I have to talk to her tonight about that. I'm really, really at my ropes end with all this drama and I'm not going to stand for it. She's going to pick up after herself and not act like I'm 'crushing her spirit' when I remind her that as an adult, it's her responsibility to wash her own dishes, pick up her own room, and for christ's sakes wring out and put away her own used wash cloth.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  27. #35727
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    It does certainly seem like everything would be better if you were homeschooling.

    What is the up-side to keeping them in school, besides the simple fact of sticking it out?


    ---------------
    I have to say I read up on the surgery after Chrissy linked the article, and I came to the same conclusions Jennifer did. Although there is some controversy about it still, I have a feeling if I had a daughter with congenital adrenal hyperplasia and she had essentially been born with what looked like a small penis because her clitoris was abnormally enlarged due to a birth defect, I would more than likely opt for a nerve-sparing surgery to correct the appearance as well. You could call any surgery mutilation if you want to get people riled up.

    While obviously not the same, and less of a hot-button area, I would also opt to repair a cleft lip on a child while young and before he or she could make an informed decision, even if it wasn't a clear-cut case of affecting speech or function.
    ----------------

    Mylah, I'm sorry to hear about your job uncertainty. IMO, I think you should make some babies. Now is the perfect time!


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    Bridget, your kids seem like homeschooling suits them so well. If I were you, I'd pull them as soon as possible. Poor little Kai. I feel so bad for him and what he said about hating his body.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    Mylah, I'm sorry to hear about your job uncertainty. IMO, I think you should make some babies. Now is the perfect time!
    I agree!

  30. #35730

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    Oh yes, Myles! Make babies!
    And I love you guys for supporting my homeschool decision. I don't get that irl. I don't get opposition necessarily but mostly just...nothing.

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