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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #35311

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    Thanks about the picture Kate, Elle is getting very huge. She had a monstrous growth spurt this year and actually gained 8lbs so she is of normal size now lol! She was really tiny for a long time. I do need to change my siggy pic, both my kids have really grown since then. Ky is over 5 feet tall and weights 108lbs which is extra crazy to me! At least Elle is still kind of little, Ky is almost as tall as I am and his feet are bigger than mine.

    I cannot believe your DH reared back like that and acted like he was going to hit you. He has some problems. I am a weirdo as I talk about stuff like this with my own DH, my mom and dad had a volatile relationship and I do remember once my dad punched my mom in the jaw, she did egg him on, but he didn't have to do that. Of course he doesn't remember it, but they used to really fight each other, my mom usually got the best of him as she is really physically strong and has a mean temper, even to this day no one messes with her even though she is a "holy roller" and very "saved" and all Jesus like on the surface. The other day though my brother's women were potentially going to come over and cause a scene at her house and she was seriously speaking of hurting both of them - drama, drama, that is my family, makes me glad I don't live near them.

    But anyway, DH knows if he even flinches at me that he will be hurt. I think he is afraid of me in a way. I used to carry a knife when we first met and he snuck up on me once and almost got cut so he doesn't mess with me. My DH is also rather aggressive vocally, just in that he is kind of overbearing, but he is nothing compared to my own dad or my mom so he doesn't frighten me and isn't all that loud IMO, I am louder than he is. Many people think, when they first meet him, due to his own "mean mug" all the time that he is a not so nice person, but he is really gentle when it comes down to it and I can't imagine him threatening me. He would have just left and went to a bar or a friend's house and watched the rest of his game. Very uncalled for from your DH.

    Erin

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    The difference is the kids get it.
    I hate to say this, but I think he gets it. He's just too **** stubborn to admit fault so he argues and denies and makes up excuses to justify his actions instead.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    I agree with Chrissy on this one, Bridget. I think he totally gets it, but is unwilling to admit to actual fault.

    Erin, Ky is almost exactly my size! Probably has way bigger feet, though!

  4. #35314

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ky'sMom View Post
    Thanks about the picture Kate, Elle is getting very huge. She had a monstrous growth spurt this year and actually gained 8lbs so she is of normal size now lol! She was really tiny for a long time. I do need to change my siggy pic, both my kids have really grown since then. Ky is over 5 feet tall and weights 108lbs which is extra crazy to me! At least Elle is still kind of little, Ky is almost as tall as I am and his feet are bigger than mine.

    I cannot believe your DH reared back like that and acted like he was going to hit you. He has some problems. I am a weirdo as I talk about stuff like this with my own DH, my mom and dad had a volatile relationship and I do remember once my dad punched my mom in the jaw, she did egg him on, but he didn't have to do that. Of course he doesn't remember it, but they used to really fight each other, my mom usually got the best of him as she is really physically strong and has a mean temper, even to this day no one messes with her even though she is a "holy roller" and very "saved" and all Jesus like on the surface. The other day though my brother's women were potentially going to come over and cause a scene at her house and she was seriously speaking of hurting both of them - drama, drama, that is my family, makes me glad I don't live near them.

    But anyway, DH knows if he even flinches at me that he will be hurt. I think he is afraid of me in a way. I used to carry a knife when we first met and he snuck up on me once and almost got cut so he doesn't mess with me. My DH is also rather aggressive vocally, just in that he is kind of overbearing, but he is nothing compared to my own dad or my mom so he doesn't frighten me and isn't all that loud IMO, I am louder than he is. Many people think, when they first meet him, due to his own "mean mug" all the time that he is a not so nice person, but he is really gentle when it comes down to it and I can't imagine him threatening me. He would have just left and went to a bar or a friend's house and watched the rest of his game. Very uncalled for from your DH.

    Erin
    Ky is taller than me, Erin!

    There is no way I can scare DH at least not physically. The temper I have, but only being 5 feet tall I guess it's like I'm one of those lap dogs that gets angry and tries to bite someone's ankles.

    I told DH next time he should go to his dad's house or his friend's house and watch football. It's really inconsiderate to sit there and watch a 3 and a half hour game when there are two other people in the house who don't want to watch it. I don't make them watch NKOTB videos all day... ;) I did try to take Josh out to do the things I had to do but he has taken to enormous amounts of whining when I try to take him on errands so now I try to do them on my break in the middle of the day.

    I think it's funny DH is all about doing things as a family until there is something he wants to do. I think, like Bridget's DBF, he knows he's in the wrong but he's too stubborn to admit it. Then later that night I had moved on and he was all antsy. "Cool as a cucumber, aren't you?" he said to me. "I get all stressed out when we fight." Oh I'm so sorry it stresses YOU out to fight. LOL. I guess I'm just used to it. We fight, we don't talk about it, we move on. Rinse and repeat.

  5. #35315
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    I'm sorry Kate. That can't be easy.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  6. #35316

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    I'm sorry Kate. That can't be easy.
    Well I guess I bring it upon myself! It's not so bad to put up with until we have a big fight. That kind of fight changes how I feel about him. I just respect him a little less, now. If he'd been like, "I'm sorry, I know it was wrong to grab Josh and react to you like that, I wish I could find time to work on my reactions, can you help me?" instead of totally denying he did anything wrong, I'd be a little more receptive. When he told me he was so stressed out from the fight, I asked if he wanted to talk about it and he said he didn't want to because he was afraid we'd start fighting again. And I thought I was non-confrontational!

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    Unfortunately, I know exactly what you mean by respecting him a little less each time. Be careful. You see how that worked out for me. I'm still resentful of a lot of stuff that went on between me & Rich, and at this point I don't give a crap if he's sorry. I'm beyond it.

    Not saying you'll end up here...but I know that's what happened to me. I didn't know how to stop it then without his help, so I can't offer you any advice except keep pushing for counseling.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  8. #35318

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    Bridget, I'm sorry about your DBF. It's very easy to cross the line with alcohol, and it sounds like he crosses it often. Not saying that he has drinking problems, but if he seems to find himself unable to predict when he's going to be difficult to live with, that's when he might need to start making stricter rules for himself, like no drinking around the kids period. It's easy to make the excuse that you know when to stop at one or two, but when your alcohol-induced behavior starts to make people not trust you, you clearly don't have it under control.

    Kate, I'm sorry about the awful fight. Suja said what I'd had typed up earlier today, that I think he needs anger management. I don't think you have to dismiss his actions as just everyday normal behavior. The impulse to hit you when he's angry is a problem that could grow into an even bigger problem if not nipped in the bud. Sorry to say.

    I have much more to say, but am catching up on work after missing half the day to take dad to the doctor. Brace yourselves for a long post from me, ok?

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    Hope all's well with your dad, Myles.

  10. #35320

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Hope all's well with your dad, Myles.
    I do too, Myles!

    Honestly I'm not afraid of him ever hitting me. I think it would have happened already. He's been very upset with me in the past. We've known each other for 14 years...wouldn't it have happened already?

    Chrissy, I know. We could have split up a number of times in the past. Maybe we should have. I've never lived on my own, never managed my own bills, or taxes, or really anything on my own. I've certainly never raised a child on my own. As much as we are at odds so much of the time, I do look forward to him coming home at night so I can have that change of scene, share things that happened during the day, get a little help with Josh... I think I'd go nuts on my own and probably become a recluse. Honestly.

    He's trying to patch things up in his own way-he brought home hard cider for me and is watching something with Josh.

  11. #35321
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    Sometimes, I really wish relationships weren't such hard work. I have no doubt he's a good person, and I know you are too. It should be enough that you love each other.

    Y'all know how much I pissed & moaned about the former boss and some of the crap he pulled while I worked with him. Then I told you I hooked up with him...well, stuff was kinda going on on and off since I left between us but today I finally nipped it in the bud. I don't know why I thought a personal relationship would be different than our working one. I don't think it was loneliness on my part, or even vulnerability because I didn't feel either. But I am wondering why I let myself get entangled in something I knew wasn't good for me, rarely made me feel good about myself, and contributed nothing positive to my life. It's made me not trust myself to date anyone. Ever.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    Ugh - just lost a bunch of things I typed.

    Bridget, I don't know how you deal with it. He just doesn't seem to get that an apology doesn't mean "don't be mad at me."

    I was starting to say that I had a little falling out with DH a week or so ago over something stupid - don't really remember what but I think he was yelling about something dumb for no apparent reason. Later in the car he apologized and I just sat there, not knowing how to respond. I didn't want to say "It's okay" because it wasn't - or "I understand" because I didn't - or "I'm sorry" because I really don't think what he did was justified and I don't feel I had a role in it. And I don't nag so it's not my style to say something like "Don't do it again." So I sat there wondering what to say and ended up taking so long that he got annoyed again that I didn't say anything. I can't win.

    About the dog food comment, Suja, it wasn't so much that he didn't finish as that he didn't want to eat his dry food and was hoping for wet food. We started with canned and have been transitioning over to dry food which is new to him and he doesn't really like it. At $3/can and a can a day for the premium brands, though, he's going to have to learn to like the dry. Any suggestions for getting him to like it more?

    My head is just spinning about the boy scouts stuff. It amazes and angers me that so many women will believe their husbands over their children and it seems like this day and age, women should know better than to disregard their kids. DH has an acquaintance that is apparently dealing with her daughter accusing step-dad of raping her and the woman is standing by her husband over her teenager, which just blows my mind. DH is at the point of cutting off contact with her (she's an old co-worker on his fb page).
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Chrissy, I'm glad you nipped it in the bud. With all you shared about your working relationship I agree that it can't have gone in a good direction. I don't think it means that you can't be trusted to date anyone ever - but it might be a sign that you need some time to think things through and detach from everything else before you are ready. Or maybe not! Only you know for sure.

    Oh, and I meant to say how beautiful Bobbie is in that picture. The cat is cute, too!

    Kate, I hope you to can find a way for things to be more peaceful. It would bother me, too, to have DH threaten to hit me.

    Erin, I'm dying to see a picture of Ky's mean mug.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  14. #35324

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    Chrissy, I don't think I was here when you said you hooked up with your ex boss! How did he take it when you broke it off?

    Sorry you guys had a falling out Mandy. My husband never apologizes so I never have to worry about how to respond. I'd probably be the type to say "don't let it happen again" or "try to work on another way you could handle that".

  15. #35325
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    Chrissy that does sound like it's for the best to nip that in the bud.

    Mandy, I think Molly was around 7 weeks old when we brought her home....or really close to 8 weeks. She was still eating wetted dog food. Kibble but moistened and we started adding less water and letting it get softer. It just took a bit of time. The other thing was we had to feed her that early on about 5 times a day. Course Marcus is already much bigger so maybe he could do it 3-4 times a day?
    My feeding issue was Cosmo was diet food and Molly needed puppy food. But they each wanted the others food. I gave up and put them both on an all life stages food....which was way better for Cosmo anyway. The dish gets filled twice a day with 1 to 1.25 cups of food and at night it is taken away. They both eat out of the same dish at the same time taking turns....it is cute.....but both will leave the dish with food sitting if they don't want it.
    Though I am thinking that a large breed puppy has special food needs, right?

    How is Gwennie taking to Marcus? I cannot believe what Cosmo lets Molly get away with....she can be bossy and would never let another dog in the family do things like take toys or bones out of her mouth or climb on her. But boy is Cos protective when they are with other dogs....nobody better mess with her baby!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    We're feeding him four times a day and he seems to be doing well, but boy is he ready to eat when that next meal comes along!

    Gwennie is really getting in touch with her motherly side, which amazes me because I'm not sure she knew she had one. She is being very patient with him chewing on her tail, for example. She will take so much and then warn him by baring her teeth, then if he doesn't get the hint she snaps in his direction but then immediately sniffs him to make sure he isn't too scared. The other day puppy was trying to nip at DH's ankles and Gwennie put herself between the two of them to protect DH - it was so adorable. I don't know that he's her favorite choice of companion, but she does seem to be settling in with him and it's quite cute. We have the family room gated off and let him play in there, and she will stay for so long and then ask to leave for a break.

    ETA: Erin, I meant to say earlier about the thyroid, that I have been struggling with weight gain around my midsection. It's really frustrating because my legs aren't big, so if I buy pants that fit my legs they are horribly uncomfortable in the waist, and if I buy pants to fit my waist they look like clown pants around the legs. I recently found that Eddie Bauer makes pants with a "straight" fit that are an inch larger in the waist and smaller in the leg. They fit me perfectly and I can buy a smaller size. Don't know if they go up to 18, though.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 09-17-2012 at 07:23 PM.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Awww that is pretty adorable! It's amazing how they just seem to know that these are babies and what to do with them. I was surprised Cosmo did take to Molly because she was so used to have all the attention to herself and DH and I have always given her tons of attention. The only thing that really took a long time and still even now sometimes is snuggling. Molly has always tried to go and snuggle up to Cosmo but Cosmo will leave pretty darn quickly most of the time. I think some of that is Cosmo tends to be warm and just doesn't want the extra heat.

    And it's really cute how they learn from each other. I remember holding baby Molly and DH was tossing toys and Cosmo running off to bring them back. Molly just stared and followed Cosmos every move and it was like, Oh THAT is how you are supposed to do that! The very next time she was trying to get the toys too (except she's still not the best at catching so Cosmo usually will catch the toy and Molly will take it from her mouth).

    It is very hard work being a little puppy!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    It is, isn't it? Right now he is dragging the cat bed that we use as a toy box around the family room. After taking all the toys out, of course. Well, he was - now he's dragging his small crate around by the door (the one we used for the cat). He's about to outgrow the little one and we'll have to stick to the big kennel. It was handy having two.

    It looks like a hurricane went through here.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  19. #35329
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Chrissy, I don't think I was here when you said you hooked up with your ex boss! How did he take it when you broke it off?
    Like he takes anything I bring up that's important to me, he's ignoring it. That's my biggest issue. If I even hinted at a problem, he'd disappear for a few days and then start messaging me like we were BFFs again. This time I dug my heels in and refused to move on till we discussed some things. He hasn't really had anything to do with me for 2 weeks and then tried again today to act like nothing was wrong. I am adamant I'm done. Even if my issue wasn't a big deal (it is, but for arguments sake) even if it weren't, the fact is I had something I wanted to talk about and he didn't think enough of me or my feelings to listen or even pretend to care.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  20. #35330
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    Mandy, I'd do what Jennifer suggested, and just wet the food down. You could mix it with wet food in the beginning, then taper off. And warming the water helps too. If that doesn't work, try broth (no sodium).

    Chrissy, I think that you are showing impeccable judgment by breaking things off with ex boss. I'm sure you'll recognize it when the right person comes along.
    Last edited by Suja; 09-17-2012 at 09:03 PM.

  21. #35331

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    Mandy, I'll have to check out Eddie Bauer too. I carry weight in my midsection, too.

    Chrissy, sounds like you don't need that. Flings are supposed to be fun

  22. #35332

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Like he takes anything I bring up that's important to me, he's ignoring it. That's my biggest issue. If I even hinted at a problem, he'd disappear for a few days and then start messaging me like we were BFFs again. This time I dug my heels in and refused to move on till we discussed some things. He hasn't really had anything to do with me for 2 weeks and then tried again today to act like nothing was wrong. I am adamant I'm done. Even if my issue wasn't a big deal (it is, but for arguments sake) even if it weren't, the fact is I had something I wanted to talk about and he didn't think enough of me or my feelings to listen or even pretend to care.
    He doesn't sound like he's being much of a friend to you, then, if he won't stop to hear you out when something's important to you. Sorry, Chrissy.

  23. #35333
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    It is, isn't it? Right now he is dragging the cat bed that we use as a toy box around the family room. After taking all the toys out, of course. Well, he was - now he's dragging his small crate around by the door (the one we used for the cat). He's about to outgrow the little one and we'll have to stick to the big kennel. It was handy having two.

    It looks like a hurricane went through here.
    We call that a toy explosion. LOL I just wish my baby would stop getting her balls under the couch. We bought one Friday that is bigger so it doesn't fit under the couch but too big for their mouths so they have to push it around with heads and paws.

    We have two kennels too. Still using the puppy one....she can turn around it in and seems to like it and goes in there to nap on her own. That one fits perfect in the van too. The bigger wire one (nice that it has a removable divider if needed) is in the basement on the chance I go down and use the elliptical....cannot trust her down there yet. Or we bring it upstairs for times when we will be gone longer, like when we had to take Cosmo to the cities for her eye appt.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  24. #35334

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    It's really frustrating because my legs aren't big, so if I buy pants that fit my legs they are horribly uncomfortable in the waist, and if I buy pants to fit my waist they look like clown pants around the legs.
    That's my body type in a nutshell. I'm short (5'3"), so - unless I want skinny jeans or something - I've found that teenage boy pants fit me pretty well. I have found some tutorials online that instruct you on how to take in the legs on pants that fit well in the waist. Basically it just involves putting on pants (that fit in the waist) inside out, pinching and safety pinning the legs/crotch to the fit you want, then sewing along the safety pins. Please let me know if you ever feel like trying it out and I'll try to find the tute online.

    Erin, don't feel discouraged, mama! ...well, it's perfectly natural to feel discouraged, so to you, but you sound very healthy and strong, and I love your look, so you're gorgeous to me. I do get frustrated sometimes myself because I feel like I do so much activity and pay lots of attention to nutrition and yet always have an extra 10-15 lbs to show for the effort. I feel like I should be a lean person with my habits. However, I know there's always room for improvement in my portion control, and, that aside, I know I don't have genetics on my side. I have an apple shape, and all the extra weight I carry is above my hips, so I don't feel like I can even conceal it. It's in my belly, arms, back, shoulders, and can be seen in the fullness of my face. I have friends who look like skinny people on top, but have legs that are roughly the size of my trunk, but they seem to "pass" for thin because of their pear shapes I totally agree that it's a good idea to see the doc to have yourself checked out, but I do think there's something to what's said about it being harder to lose weight after age 30. It was definitely the case for me. So even if your doctor doesn't find a contributing condition, it might just be age. The only reason I say not to get discouraged is that you can psyche yourself out when you feel that way. The only time I find my weight budging is with a longterm concerted effort, where I just don't let up. I keep applying gentle pressure on myself to keep tracking my calories, keeping them (painfully low), journaling my food, staying active. When I get discouraged, I start to think "Why bother?", and that's when I start to backslide. So I'm not gonna fan the voice that says you're stuck and going to stay stuck because that's what sabotages me. Instead I'm going to say I believe you're going to break your plateau, find the thing that you can adjust that will get the scale moving southwards. You have so much inner strength that I know you can reach your goals

    Speaking of which, as some of you might have seen on FB, I finished the half marathon in 2:05:10 (gained a second somehow in their published results), with a pace of 9:33/mile. I came in 101 out of 147 runners. I am perfectly satisfied with the results. I ran without injuring myself (besides an almost-blister in the arch of my foot that hurt the last couple miles), and my time was 25 minutes faster than anticipated. It's true what they say about the excitement and energy of other runners giving you a little extra lift. I had really great music on my headphones, and it's almost like I enjoyed myself. It's not like the bike races I used to do, where you can relax and take in the scenery a bit, because running always hurts a little to me, but I had my moments of feeling elated while I ran...especially as I was approaching the finish line. I knew that DH, Bodhi and my parents were going to be there, and I had done it. I hate to sound so cheesy and literal, but as I rounded the last bend, I put on a track called "Finish Line" by a band called Fanfarlo, and the music made for a very stirring finish. I cried a little bit.

    I didn't get my period for the big run. Yay! It might have been the nerves, but it might also have been the fact that I stayed on the seeds in my seed rotation plan that I'm only supposed to take after my period ends. I feel kind of guilty because here I am, trying to use a natural approach to balance my hormones and regulate my period, and I feel like I was abusing them "recreationally" to artificially delay it. The night before, I was so anxious. I went to bed around 11, knowing I'd have to get up at 5:30. Around 12:15 am, my dad opened a door loudly, and my DH startled in his sleep, then muttered, "Oh, that was just your dad." and fell back asleep again. But that was enough to make me wide awake, and I spent the next hour and 15 min cursing my husband and frustratedly unable to fall back sleep. I was literally starting to panic, thinking I'd have to do the run after a night of insomnia. But the only thing that let me relax enough to fall back asleep was telling myself that, if I wasn't asleep by 1:30, I was going to call off the run and find another half marathon to run in a few weeks.

    I had no desire to have that carrot cake that I'd craved all week after the run though. I went home and slept all day. Bodhi must have sensed my exhaustion, because he napped with me for 3 hours that afternoon.

    So there you have it (whether you wanted it or not) - the long version of my half-marathon story. I can't think of any other friends I'd want to share it with.

    This morning, my mom & I took my dad for a consultation with a Parkinson's Institute in my area. Mandy, I thought of you so many times during his cognitive assessment. At one point, the medical assistant asked my dad to think of as many words that began with the letter F within a 2 minutes. He had us cracking up! It was a really difficult exercise for him. While I was firing off words in my head: "fad, far, flower, family, friends...", he was only able to find a different f-word every 10-15 seconds. But his words were hilarious: "fat!" "funicular!" "fjord!" and then "fellatio!" My mom turned beet red, but was crying from laughter.


    We got some really encouraging information during the appointment (despite the fact that the doctor was really rude, made us wait an hour and didn't even acknowledge me and my mother when she first entered the room). The institute takes a holistic approach to treating his condition. She said that, while we could never restore his capacity to 100%, the way she laid it out was that if he attacked the disease on multiple fronts (e.g. pharmacologically reduce tremors by 20%, improve sleep to induce a phenomenon known as "sleep benefit" where you feel better after a good night's sleep because your body produces more dopamine at rest, address vitamin deficiencies, get therapy on balance and swallowing to mitigate risk of falling/choking, seek out a social support system, maybe even take alzheimers/dementia medications for his cognitive impairment) it can feel like significant improvement when all put together. So we're all feeling more hopeful than we did when we woke this morning.


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    Yay for a great run and an even bigger yay for a new treatment plan for your dad. I must say that's one difference between elderly and preschoolers - I've never heard a four year old say fellatio! Your dad sounds funny. I that you thought of me.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Chrissy, sounds like you don't need that. Flings are supposed to be fun
    well, for me it wasn't a fling. Or I didn't want it to be.

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    He doesn't sound like he's being much of a friend to you, then, if he won't stop to hear you out when something's important to you. Sorry, Chrissy.
    He did finally write. In summary, "...i really have no desire to argue about this because yes, i have more serious things to deal with & at this point it's just stupid to even be having this discussion..." So no, he's not being a good friend at all. My feelings are 'stupid'

    Myles-I'm really in awe of you for accomplishing that run! I'm so glad you're feeling more hopeful about your father.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  27. #35337

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    Hooray to you Myles for your great time!! I honestly think it is great!!

    And LOL at your dad and his fellatio, I don't think I would have thought of that one or fjord lol! So glad to hear you are encouraged by his treatment plan. It sounds like they are thinking about treating him from all angles.

    Yes, I have gained a lot of belly fat. It is very big IMO as well. I actually have lost 3 inches on my waist though so that is encouraging and I usually don't even weigh myself, I go mostly on how I look, feel, and how many inches I have lost. Over the past two months I have lot a total of 12 inches, which is very good. I also have been really watching calories and only have been eating 1510 per day for the past couple weeks and that is down from 1700. I have to eat more calories because I train with very heavy weights and I don't want to lose any muscle. I also don't want to go into a calorie deficit of more than 1000 calories per day. Guess I will give a math problem of sorts, I eat 1700 calories, I work out for 2 hours and burn almost 1000 calories so the net for th at day would be only 700. I honestly was thinking that maybe I need to eat 2000 calories or 2200 on days I workout and that maybe my body didn't have enough calories to drop weight, but we shall see. I am not a cardio focused sort since I can burn so many more calories via weight lifting. But I do 3 hours of cardio a week anyway and have upped it lately since I wasn't dropping weight.

    On the weight front, I have decided to stop being depressed today. So that is that. Really it was brought on by some comments from my DH, who knows how much I have been working out and cutting calories and he said once again that I don't care how I look and that if I wanted to lose weight I would work harder. Like I mentioned I have been tired every day, like early pregnancy tired, for almost a year. It has taken a lot of psyching myself out to get myself into the gym again, not that I don't enjoy it, but that I am literally exhausted, can't keep my eyes open, having to focus on every step when I leave the gym tired, cannot get out of the van for 10 minutes when I get home tired. Just tired and working my butt off. He even tried doing part of the workout I do, which is called Stronglifts 5X5 in case anyone wants to check it out, and he could not do what I can do and got all achy and quit. It really hurt my feelings he said that and then when I weighed myself again and didn't lose anything again, it got me really depressed and teary eyed.

    But I decided to not be depressed about it. I like to let myself wallow for a while but one must move on. I wouldn't know what to do sitting around being sad all the time and even though I'm tired right now, and was last night and probably will be tomorrow, I'm still going to go and work out.

    I so understand you ladies that mentioned losing respect at the stupid ish that the men say. DH said some stupid crap this morning and after typing this, I'm going to send him an email about it. He says stupid stuff all the time about irrelevant things and is so self-centered it is sickening. I have told him and many people that I feel that eventually I'll get sick of him and leave him. I am not afraid to do so and even though I love him dearly my life would be so much more serene without his erratic influence and horrible, toddler-ish attitude and behavior.

    Erin

  28. #35338
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,869

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    Myles, that was a *great* run. I am completely in awe of people that can run, since I can't even do a mile without causing myself serious harm. And it sounds like a great appointment for your dad. Tough diagnosis, but a multi-pronged approach is the one most likely to yield results.

    Erin, 12 inches lost is A LOT, especially in such a short period of time. My completely unsolicited opinion is that you need to eat more, especially on your lifting days. Stronglifts pushes A LOT of weight, very quickly, and you have to eat around maintenance (IMO), to get the most benefit out of it. I can't remember if I posted this before, but when I started watching what I ate and working out, the same thing happened to me - lost inches, without losing weight. I started to follow this: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/s...revised-7-2-12, and the weight has been coming off at a steady clip. I would suggest giving it a try. The funny thing is that I am eating more now than I was in the beginning, when I couldn't lose the weight, and even with a pretty substantial amount of not eating clean, am having no issues.

    I need to get back to working out. I stopped after my hypo episode, but really, the reason I haven't is because I'm dreading the next session, which is Tabata. Who knew one could get their butt kicked that badly in 30 minutes?

  29. #35339
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    14,661

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    I agree that sounds like not enough calories with the amount of exercise being done. I am doing weight watchers so a bit different but really a lot the same. I am given a set of points per day and I am supposed to eat all those points every day. They do not want you going under points.

    I do think that it can help to shake things up once in a while. I took a 10 day break and gained a little bit...but once I got back on plan, I lost double what I had gained in one week.

    I also know for a fact that weight does not come off logically or evenly. After I had surgery, I was VERY limited in what I was eating and I was keeping track of every bite. Not hard when all I could eat the first two months or so was cottage cheese (needed protein and it had to be soft...and yogurt made me sick and I don't like eggs)....and that was only a few tbsps at a meal. At that point was I weighing in daily. Some days I dropped 1-2 lbs a day....than would hold steady for a few days and not lose anything. The next day I would drop 5 lbs and back to 1 a day. It was weird how unevenly it came off considering how very controlled my diet and exercise were at that point.

    My goal is to get back into my 18/20 clothes. Pants I just bought were 26...tops 22/24's. Well at least I am noticing a difference so far because had I gone shopping in the spring, I think I might have been trying on pants a size bigger. I have been working on this since end of April but really most of the weight lost has been since about mid-June.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  30. #35340
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    I'm looking for a corner to hide in. Work has us HOPPING and I just got "you could have ____" comment from the bosslady. I could have done 23578043034960346 other things if I weren't so busy. I don't know if she could tell by the look I shot her, but I wasn't happy. I'm more than willing to step it up and work my tail feathers off, but I won't do it when the first comment I get is what else I could have done. Screw that noise.

    Ugh. /rant.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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