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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #33871

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    Erin, I love you.
    I have to say that my whole life I always stuck up for kids who were picked on too. I remember this boy, Brent in elementary school. He was grossly obese. I bet he weighed 200 lbs. And he smelled like urine. He had not one friend. I used to walk home from school with him every day. I remember really wanting to tell him that he stunk so he could take care of it and people would stop picking on him. I was like, "Smell my arm. What does it smell like? Okay, now smell your arm. What does it smell like?" We were in first grade! It didn't work. I also regularly got stuffed in a garbage can on the walk home with him by these twin boys Doug and Robert. Until I told my mom and she went over to there house and spoke to their mom. Also, in highschool my english teacher was racist. We only had about 9 black kids in our school at this time and she so obviously treated them differently. My friends and I were always allowed to write our papers at home on our typewriters (lol) instead of in the school computer lab. Seriously, we only wanted to do that so we could goof around in class. But anyway, we overheard her telling Roderick, the one black boy in our class, (who was so super smart he used to tutor me in chemistry and was a better teacher than the chemistry teacher. He'd never cheat, he was way too smart.) that he had to type his papers at school so she could know that he was writing them himself and that if he insisted on writing them at home she would give him no higher than a C. I was like WHA??? and stood up to question her. Her face turned all red and she sent me out of the class and then called my mom to tell her I was disrespectful. I told my mom what happened and she marched up to the school and put that teacher in her place. Roderick was so shy he would have never spoken up. I hate bullies.

  2. #33872
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    Chrissy I hope that the girls realize sooner rather than later that THAT part of your life is not their business and has nothing to do with them.

    L, wow that is not a good trip! Though that is nice about the diamonds. C will appreciate having those someday!

    Bridget, the hair is cute. Good job! I look forward in a way to coloring my hair. But I will not be doing it myself. I have been seeing the same person for maybe 4 years now and she says it's not time quite yet as I don't have that many whites to color. And I would keeping my natural color but I would probably want to brighten it up just a bit and bring out the red in it. Inside it looks brown but in the sun, it looks red and I would love to try to get a bit closer to the color of it in the sun. My job requires that hair be a "natural" color.

    As far as being good or being different than when younger, for me not so much. I'm more like Ashley and have been pretty straight and narrow most of my life.
    I didn't party and the few times I went to one, I was the driver so never drank and made sure that my friends were ok. Or I was the one in high school who drove my friend to planned parenthood to get her on some birth control.
    I have only been to a bar probably less than 5 times in my life and didn't drink at all until I was in my late 20's.
    I got with DH when I was only 19 and before him, any "boyfriends" I had were not serious and lasted 6 weeks or less and there were not many of those.
    It's funny because DH and I are pretty hardcore liberals....but personally we are pretty straight and appear on the outside as pretty conservative....and both of us have been asked several times each if we were Mormon.

    I think that the one thing really that has changed is that I'm less of a know it all than I used to be. It's still there but I try to think about it more and avoid it. And I am less snobby. Much less. When I met DH I would only have been interested in a guy in college. Not tech school because I thought that was for people who couldn't hack it in real college. I now see the value in tech school. And I don't care that DH is a factory worker. 14 years ago I think that might have bothered me but I see now that it doesn't matter so much what the career/job of a person is (mostly in terms of someone that I would be with)....that it is the persons brain. I need to be with someone who likes to read and learn and can have a discussion at my level. DH fits that so I don't really care where he works. I think some of that attitude comes from my dad...he was a factory worker my entire life and did not go to college. He's not dumb or stupid but that is just what his family did, make it through high school and than go work in the factory. Eventually when he was laid off he went to tech school and got an associates degree....and shocked everyone by getting good grades. But even still, there have been a number of times when he thought I was making up words....like one we all laugh about now is I was talking about something and used the word modernity and he thought I was making it up. The next night we were watching HGTV and one of the designers used the word and we all cracked up. Or another time when I was explaining the difference between the right and left to dad and that he was definitely on the left.
    So yeah I changed there and definitely mellowed out with the know it all and snobby attitudes.
    Who knows had I not hooked up with DH so early on....and once we were together, we were together. Been married only 9 years but it's like 14 yrs because we were so serious so fast. I very likely would have partied once I was old enough. LOL

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  3. #33873

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    Forgot to say I love your hair Bridget!! It is super cute on you. I also love your length and I think it frames your face well.

    So cute about smelling your arms lol! That was a sweet way of trying to get him to smell himself.

    My AP teacher was actually a great lady. She wasn't racist or prejudice but she did have a hot temper and was prone to being defensive. Funny thing about her is that she had a son who was a redhead. She originally wasn't red headed, she was sandy blonde and her husband was dark haired but both of them had a grandparent with red hair, hence their redheaded son. He looked just like her too and would tag along with us on Quiz Bowl road trips. She got upset once telling us the reason why she dyed her hair red. Someone accused her of cheating on her husband since neither of them were redheads and the boy looked just like her and not the husband. Then her MIL started questioning her about their son's "origins" it was tripped out story! So she dyed her hair red so people would think he got his red hair from her but every time someone mentioned her red hair she would tell that story lol! I miss all my old teachers and even though pretty much everyone in my high school was poor, we all lived in the same neighborhood and grew up together - even the teachers as my AP English teacher went to my high school as a girl and lived not too far from the neighborhood even when she was a teacher. We all got along really well and I never knew anyone when I was younger who was racist or prejudiced. Even kids didn't pick on each other due to race or anything like that.

    In the early 80s a lot of Vietnamese refugees moved to our neighborhood and became good friends of ours and I remember when one of my good friends now and his family first moved to the neighborhood he used to be really quiet and demure (nothing like he turned out to be or is now lol!) and he told us how when he was in the Phillipines before coming to the US that he was told how horrible black people were and how we would beat him up and rob him all the time and he was terrified of us for half of his first year in the city. He lived on my street and was in my 3rd grade class that year. When he told us that we thought it was pretty hilarious. Hearing about the stereotypes he and his cousin heard in the Phillipines was the closet things I ever heard of prejudice or racism in real life.

    Erin

  4. #33874

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    Sometimes it's so hard to keep track of everything in here.

    L, that sounds like quite the trip. I love your sense of humor that can see the glimpse of good in bad situations. It is a good trait to have. That is an amazing gift for C one day, wow!

    I live in such a conservative city that sometimes it drives me crazy. Probably why I cannot find a kindred spirit ;) It really makes me appreciate growing up in Alaska. Anchorage is such a diverse city that people didn't even think about ethnicity. And today when outside is as hot as the center of the sun then I *really* miss it. While in vacation in South Africa, we met a couple from Johannesburg who thought that all Americans hated South Africans. They thought because of apartheid, Americans hated all South Africans. It's amazing what people think sometimes.

    I have always been pretty straight laced and would never do anything to disappoint my parents. My two older brothers put my parents through the ringer. So by the time I was in middle school/high school I never did anything that might make them upset. I never even sneaked out of the house! One time I was on family camping trip, and my friend wanted me to take out a bottle of wine from the cooler, I was so scared at getting caught that I refused. My big regret in life is not going away to college. I went locally because I didn't want to leave my family. I had a new little nieces and nephews and I just couldn't leave them.
    Shelley-mom to DS, 6

  5. #33875
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    Myles I am sorry about your Aunt I agree that a child’s presence at a funeral is meaningful and I am so glad that B handled it so well!

    Everyone makes mistakes, that is what life is all about. I have done a lot of things that I am not proud of, but I just try to remember that what I am doing and who I am trying to become NOW is what really matters. I think all of you mama’s are awesome in every way and just being able to recognize that you made some not-so-good choices in the past makes you a better person in and of itself

    Bridget you are freaking HAWT!!! Love the hair!!

    I also have a hard time keeping up with friends or family. The only friends I have now are the ones that know, that is just how I am. They accept it and even if months pass between us speaking/seeing each other we can pick up like it is nothing

    L about your vaca mama!

    Chrissy I am sorry that Rich can not see beyond himself, that makes me sad. And really, the internet caused everything…. That’s just…

    I am fairy judgmental I suppose, but really I think everyone is. It is how you use that, that really matters. Christians don’t bother me unless they are hardcore “MY way is right and YOU are going to h*ll” THAT infuriates me.

    When I lived in TN for a while, I think I was in 7th grade (maybe, it’s hard to remember without back tracking through my dozen schools and I don’t have the energy right now ) We had two kids, a brother and a sister, that started there a little bit after me that were from India. They were picked on SO bad, it was awful. I would step in when I could, but usually they dispersed if they saw me coming (I may or may not have jumped on a kid when he told me that I had no “right” to do anything but “stay home and make babies” within my first couple weeks there ) Within a month they were gone, I guess they transferred or moved, no one ever said. Stupid back-woods hillbilly’s

    Not to bore you ladies, but I just had to share what an awesome weekend DH and I had. We’ve been doing a really good job communicating and spending time with one another. We’ve started using the couple hours Nolan is at my dads on Sundays to just go out and do something. Even if we are broke and just window shopping somewhere Sunday morning made me remember how perfect we are for each other. DH got up with Nolan and gave him breakfast while I snoozed for a few minutes (love when he does that!) I got up and he was doing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen, so I started mulling about picking up this and that, folding some laundry. All the while just talking and playing with Nolan. It was so simple and may sound silly, but the way we just flowed around/worked together without even talking about it was just perfect.

    So…. That sounded ridiculously corny

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  6. #33876
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    Quote Originally Posted by raspberry View Post
    Sometimes it's so hard to keep track of everything in here.
    It is! I think it takes me half an hour between working, just trying to skim/read everything I have missed

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  7. #33877
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    Not even going to bother with reading everything I missed. Working from the office today, so I can only goof off so much.

    Christina, that does sound lovely. It's nice to have affirmation that you are in fact, made for each other, and can practically read each other's minds.

    Bridget, your hair is lovely (as are you, BTW). You seem to have a strong moral compass, and from a pretty early age. I went to a catholic school in India, and we all pretty well shared our misery, so there really was no bullying going on. In fact, I think that it is uncommon for bullying to be an issue at all back home. Everyone is too busy studying, studying, and studying some more to have any time to get into anyone else's business.

    Would you believe it, I was extremely anti-drinking not that long ago? That was before I was led astray by my non-heathen friends, in my 30s!!! Now, me and White Russians are BFF. I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but I think that I'm a super taster, so it's extremely hard for me to eat/drink anything even remotely bitter/tart, so pretty much everything except really sweet, girly drinks are out for me.

  8. #33878

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    Bridge, you did a great job with your hair, pretty mama!

    katy, I have some similar feelings about my past "badness" as you. Some of the things I did when I was 6 (stole money from grandma), 7 (cheated on a math bonus question to earn "no homework"), 10 (went on a shoplifting spree with my CHURCH group), 11 (asked a boy I liked to just pretend he was my boyfriend; I have no idea why he played along), 12 (bullied a boy who talked to himself), 14 (repeated a pun aloud that I thought was clever wordplay but was actually horribly offensive to Jews, then when I realized my mistake, I tried to make up for it by loudly telling the one Jewish girl in class that my sister's boyfriend was Jewish and she was considering converting)... OMG! When I think of those things, I literally find myself rubbing my face with my hands, as though I could somehow scrub the incidents away. Then as a college kid, I was of course judgy and pretentious. Late 20s, had my Ayn Rand phase; cheated on my boyfriend. Sigh.

    I know we all have sins we want to confess and I agree that all these things shape us, but what makes me cringe today is - underlying all of my transgressions - this incorrect presumption I'd been given since early childhood that I was supposed to be superior to the people around me and the rules didn't apply to me. Growing up, my parents were fairly absent in our moral development. I think they thought sending us to Catholic school was enough to shape our values. But they unintentionally left me in the care/influence of 1) my great-aunt who was a terrible braggart and had told me I was exceptionally smart since birth, 2) a crazy eccentric rich aunt who worshipped Miss Piggy and passed on a love of drama through her incessant watching of soap operas, 3) my sister who was fiercely competitive, had a brewing mental illness and an extreme lack of empathy - and they all contributed to some very weird programming in my head that has made me nasty at times. I feel like I have to fight against that impulse to this day. The sad part is that I think I've adopted a self-deprecating reflex to insure against times I might be seen as acting "too big for my britches", and I in turn tone down some natural assertiveness that could help rather than hurt me in certain situations.

    OK, there I went again, using up all my time to write in here to talk all about myself. Self-absorbed much, Myles? Sorry about that. :]

    I'll come back and reply to more things I had intended to. Oh, but I will remind you, Ash, that I never met Jon Hamm (how I wish!); it was my friend's cousin. LOL.
    Last edited by demigraf; 07-24-2012 at 12:29 PM.

  9. #33879

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    Quote Originally Posted by raspberry View Post
    Sometimes it's so hard to keep track of everything in here.
    I agree! There are so many intermixed conversations at once, I often just read and can't keep track enough to post. Have you ladies ever thought about starting a secret, closed facebook group? I'm in a couple for various topics and find it much, much easier to keep track of the separate posts about different topics. Just an idea, I'm not sure if everyone in here is on FB or not and I don't want to step on anyone's toes by starting one since I don't post here as often as many of you do.
    AKA Lisa724

  10. #33880
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    Suja I love me some White Russians!!! Seriously, the best ever!! I haven't had them in SO long and that will be added to my "To Do List" this weekend! I actually feel like I can drink in the evenings now since we are consistently STTN () and DH is more than willing to get up with him on the weekends if he does by some chance wake up

    Myles I think I get where you are coming from. People have been telling me my whole life how "smart" I am. It always bothered me. I have taken that and completely flipped it over the years, because I don't want to appear "smart". I've had a lot of people tell me that I appear "snotty" or "full of myself" and that is disconcerting. I've had to learn to "dumb" myself down, so that people would like/tolerate me....

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  11. #33881
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    Noooo on the FB group! I can't get on there at work

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  12. #33882
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    Quote Originally Posted by raspberry View Post
    I have always been pretty straight laced and would never do anything to disappoint my parents. My two older brothers put my parents through the ringer. So by the time I was in middle school/high school I never did anything that might make them upset. I never even sneaked out of the house! One time I was on family camping trip, and my friend wanted me to take out a bottle of wine from the cooler, I was so scared at getting caught that I refused. My big regret in life is not going away to college. I went locally because I didn't want to leave my family. I had a new little nieces and nephews and I just couldn't leave them.
    Maybe that's why I was how I was; my brother really took my parents to hell and back with his behavior! I don't regret not living on campus while at college because the year I graduate I moved overseas.
    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    I'll come back and reply to more things I had intended to. Oh, but I will remind you, Ash, that I never met Jon Hamm (how I wish!); it was my friend's cousin. LOL.
    Sorry for the confusion...I remember now that I think you pixalated her face so maybe I was just imagining she was you! lol.

    Christina, I know what you mean about dumbing yourself down; I have a very hard time doing that and seem unnatural when I try being like that. That's why I think I'm better off in the company of men most of the time in real life (well, with the people I know around here in the UK).

  13. #33883
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    I like the FB idea. I'm in a Sooper S33krit FB group, and like the whole notion, actually.

  14. #33884
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    I'm a member of a couple fb groups, but I like our secular thread for what it is and I'm in no rush to change that, unless it went away for some reason. I agree it gets a little crazy in here sometimes, though.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  15. #33885

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    It's nice because it's private. No one can see what we post if they aren't in the group.
    AKA Lisa724

  16. #33886
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post

    Not to bore you ladies, but I just had to share what an awesome weekend DH and I had. We’ve been doing a really good job communicating and spending time with one another. We’ve started using the couple hours Nolan is at my dads on Sundays to just go out and do something. Even if we are broke and just window shopping somewhere Sunday morning made me remember how perfect we are for each other. DH got up with Nolan and gave him breakfast while I snoozed for a few minutes (love when he does that!) I got up and he was doing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen, so I started mulling about picking up this and that, folding some laundry. All the while just talking and playing with Nolan. It was so simple and may sound silly, but the way we just flowed around/worked together without even talking about it was just perfect.

    So…. That sounded ridiculously corny
    Not corny at all! I love hearing good things!!!

    I do read everything, I just no longer have the time to respond to as much as I used to.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  17. #33887

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    I like the FB idea. I'm in a Sooper S33krit FB group, and like the whole notion, actually.
    ;)

    Myles your post made me LOL especially at your Miss Piggy loving crazy eccentric rich aunt.
    Shelley-mom to DS, 6

  18. #33888

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    Christina it's not corny at all. I love quiet simple moments like that.
    Shelley-mom to DS, 6

  19. #33889
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    Quote Originally Posted by raspberry View Post
    ;)

    Myles your post made me LOL especially at your Miss Piggy loving crazy eccentric rich aunt.
    Yes, this!

    We're running late for my IUI appointment. DH is in the bathroom "getting ready.". Don't want to hurry him up, considering what he is doing...

    Good, he's done. Wish me luck!
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  20. #33890

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    Best of luck to you Mandy!!!!
    Shelley-mom to DS, 6

  21. #33891
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    Good luck, Mandy!

  22. #33892
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    Good luck Mandy!!!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  23. #33893

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    Oh, Mandy, I get all shivery for you!

    I took the kids to the zoo today and let them take of their shoes to go through the plentitude of rain puddles. I couldn't believe all the dirty looks and comments I got for that. It's a very small, not very busy zoo and plus since it was raining there was hardly anyone there. I didn't see the harm.

    Christina, i totaly understand getting giddy about having a nice flow at home. I love it when that happens. Life really is about the little things.

    I'm feeling really upset and wishing I could turn back time. A few weeks ago I had casually mentioned to my neighbor that we wanted to take the kids to the Shedd Aquarium but that we were a little floored by the prices (she is from there) and she immediately said she could us free passes through her ex husband. I was like, "Really?" and she said, seriously, like 4 times that I should let her know when we were planning on going so she could get us passes and how she can't believe we didn't ask her (I didn't know) for passes. So today i texted her because I have a couple of days of next week and really, really want to take the kids. So she texts me back that she will have to talk to him and see. Then a few hours later she texts me that he stopped being able to get free passes 2 yrs ago but maybe we can find a deal online. Wtf? I HATE HATE HATE asking people for favors or asking people to try to get me deals on stuff. I never do it. But she was so insistent she was almost like she would be pissed if she found out we went and didn't let her know. I feel stupid for even asking! I reacted quickly and hope I wasn't rude but I said, "Oh, of course that is fine. I feel kind of stupid for asking at all and hope you know I'd never have presumed if you hadn't mentioned it. We will look online." I kind of wish I'd just said ok and left it alone but I really felt the need to remind her that it was her idea in the first place so she didn't think I was trying to mooch of her or something. There is a good chance she was drunk and does not remember saying it. Why are people so STRANGE??

    I hope no one feels obligated to keep up with every single thing in here. I like this format myself. Some of us seem to check in more than others but I certainly don't expect each person to comment on each thing. Or anything for that matter.

  24. #33894

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    I found out yesterday that a friend of mine has cancer, not one cancer but two. She has breast cancer and cervical cancer. I feel so awful for her. She is my age, and is a single mom to four sons. I was talking to her mom about it all, she was at work so we couldn't really talk that long. H is such a good person, I cannot believe she is going through this. If you all could send her good thoughts and healing vibes. She is staying positive but **** I hate this.
    Shelley-mom to DS, 6

  25. #33895

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    I'm so sorry about your friend. It's a hard enough diagnosis, but to know she has four kids to worry about on top of everything else is just awful to contemplate.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  26. #33896

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    Cancer is so so ugly and terrifying. I too just got news of a relative with only months to live. I am so sorry about your friend.

  27. #33897
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    Shelley that is so hard and sad about your friend. I hope it is all in the early stages.


    Yeah B, the Shedd is expensive! And don't plan on eating there, the food is not good. When we went in May it was over 100 just for three tickets. But you need the whole pass because the Jellies exhibit is neat and the aquatic show is fun. The 4D show was pretty lame. We took the train in and than a cab from the train to the aquarium.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  28. #33898
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    Oh and I have to admit that I don't think that I would let my kid go barefoot at the zoo. I'm not a person who goes barefoot except in the shower. And I would worriy about stepping on something like a nail.

    But if it's already raining, why worry about getting wet from a puddle?

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  29. #33899

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    I understand that some people are not comfortable with that. I am totally aware that there are quite a few things I let fly that other parents don't. I mean, we are all different! Enough with dirty looks and passive aggressive comments though! I would never do that!

  30. #33900
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    So sorry for the dirty looks, Bridget. What fun your kids must have been having, too.

    IUI is done. 79 million sperm, so let's hope one does the job.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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