Secular Confessions

[girlwonder]

(I know, bad CDing mommy )

I also used disposable wipes with our cd's. But that didn't make me a bad cding mommy, nor does it make you one. We do our best, some things work for us and some things don't.

In my birth month we had a resolution never to call ourselves bad mommies, because it isn't true and we are all doing our best. I wonder if we could do that here too. It really distresses me to see the guilt trips we lay on ourselves.

[Smplyme89]

I also used disposable wipes with our cd's. But that didn't make me a bad cding mommy, nor does it make you one. We do our best, some things work for us and some things don't.

In my birth month we had a resolution never to call ourselves bad mommies, because it isn't true and we are all doing our best. I wonder if we could do that here too. It really distresses me to see the guilt trips we lay on ourselves.

You are right. Sometimes it feels like everything has to be all or nothing, KWIM??

I think that is a good resolution, I'm going to give that a try

[AmeriBrit]

I wear makeup about half the time, and always when I go out. It just makes me feel like I am different that Mom Katy of everyday life. I like makeup a lot, all the potions and lotions, powders and brushes and colors and creams.

I like make-up. I feel better, more awake, when I put some on in the mornings. Unless I am rushed for time when we are going somewhere, I always throw some on. Some days it's just mascara other days it is eyeshadow and mascara. I don't really wear foundation that often since I don't like the way it feels. I only wear it if I know there are going to be camera's out and ready

Woot woot! I'm glad I'm not the only one who likes to wear makeup; I was starting to feel a little shallow there!

In my birth month we had a resolution never to call ourselves bad mommies, because it isn't true and we are all doing our best. I wonder if we could do that here too. It really distresses me to see the guilt trips we lay on ourselves.

That's a good resolution!

[dana_renay]

I also use disposable wipes. Eh. Everything's a tradeoff.
I have BumGenius pockets, as well as el-cheapo AlvaBaby and Kawaiis. I can tell the AlvaBaby/Kawaiis are not as high quality - the liner is thinner, and the snaps are not well aligned. But they work just fine. I don't care for the material of the Kawaii's so I rarely use those, but the AlvaBaby are in regular rotation. And at like, $4.50 a diaper, you really can't beat them. Yeah, they're from China. Again, everything's a tradeoff.

[Ky'sMom]

There is a chance it could happen but only if we are placed with a safe haven baby. Otherwise in WI, parental rights cannot be terminated until 3-5 weeks. First they have to have the baby, than request a court date and depending on which county, it can take 3-5 weeks. At that point TPR is signed and we bring baby home. Six months after that we get to finalize and get a new birth certificate with our names on it as well as an SSI number for our baby.

During those 3-5 first weeks, baby is going to be in bridge care (which we will pay for). The agency has special homes where the families do just this. It's a neutral place where we can visit but so can birth family. Legally birth family can bring baby home but very few do. And if we brought baby home, it's a legal risk placement as birth family can change their mind. The agency highly recommends the bridge care vs us doing a legal risk. And I agree....I do not want to bring a baby home and have the chance that they might change their minds.
In other states TPR can be signed before birth I think....or some right after birth. But even though WI isn't quite as adoption friendly, it's still a bit easier than crossing state lines and dealing with the laws of both states.

I agree with you that it would make sense to use the bridge care. My friend adopted her baby from the state of LA and I believe they have really liberal adoption laws so that is why they probably got to come home so fast. She had already gone on long road trips to LA before to have the family change their mind (this was the 5th baby they got a call for). It was devastating every time for them.

And Ash, I like wearing makeup too! I am pretty good at putting it on as well. My mom used to sell Mary Kay and Avon and could be a professional makeup artist if she wanted to. I am her only daughter and she used to be so disappointed when I was a girl as I was having none of that makeup/dress up/girly kind of crap lol! I got more feminine in my late teens and now I'm happy that mom persisted in showing me how to pluck my own brows and highlight cheekbones and tell me the best colors for my skin type and show me how to apply any sort of makeup. I am still bad with liquid liner though and am happy the "smoky eye" is in style. MUCH easier than liquid eyeliner.

I don't wear a lot of makeup now-a-days as Elle started talking too much about it making me "pretty." And I don't want her to think she is not already pretty without makeup. I know a lot of women who won't go outside until they "put their face on." I also never thought I was unattractive and have always been rather vain and confident about my looks. I would rather her be confident without the influence of makeup so I rarely put it on now unless I'm going somewhere special or I get a new outfit and want to try out some colors to go along with it. I bought a beautiful turquoise dress recently at Dillards (it was 65% off!!) and I want to try some bluesy sort of eyeliners to go with it and am planning on wearing it to a business meeting next week, even though I don't think my boss would like for me to do that since she only likes us wearing black and white, which is overbearing and weird to me IMO and I feel if she wants me to dress a certain way, she needs to buy me a uniform.

Erin

[Smplyme89]

Woot woot! I'm glad I'm not the only one who likes to wear makeup; I was starting to feel a little shallow there!

I think it's all about what makes you feel good about yourself. Whether it be make-up, hair style, or what have you... For me, having my nails done is something that I absolutely adore, but can't afford it right now. I feel so much more feminine with them on, no idea why, I just do.

I also use disposable wipes. Eh. Everything's a tradeoff.
I have BumGenius pockets, as well as el-cheapo AlvaBaby and Kawaiis. I can tell the AlvaBaby/Kawaiis are not as high quality - the liner is thinner, and the snaps are not well aligned. But they work just fine. I don't care for the material of the Kawaii's so I rarely use those, but the AlvaBaby are in regular rotation. And at like, $4.50 a diaper, you really can't beat them. Yeah, they're from China. Again, everything's a tradeoff.

I adore my Sunbaby's. They are so easy for hubby and the sitter and honestly they fit Nolan better than just about everything else right now.

And Ash, I like wearing makeup too! I am pretty good at putting it on as well. My mom used to sell Mary Kay and Avon and could be a professional makeup artist if she wanted to. I am her only daughter and she used to be so disappointed when I was a girl as I was having none of that makeup/dress up/girly kind of crap lol! I got more feminine in my late teens and now I'm happy that mom persisted in showing me how to pluck my own brows and highlight cheekbones and tell me the best colors for my skin type and show me how to apply any sort of makeup. I am still bad with liquid liner though and am happy the "smoky eye" is in style. MUCH easier than liquid eyeliner.

I don't wear a lot of makeup now-a-days as Elle started talking too much about it making me "pretty." And I don't want her to think she is not already pretty without makeup. I know a lot of women who won't go outside until they "put their face on." I also never thought I was unattractive and have always been rather vain and confident about my looks. I would rather her be confident without the influence of makeup so I rarely put it on now unless I'm going somewhere special or I get a new outfit and want to try out some colors to go along with it. I bought a beautiful turquoise dress recently at Dillards (it was 65% off!!) and I want to try some bluesy sort of eyeliners to go with it and am planning on wearing it to a business meeting next week, even though I don't think my boss would like for me to do that since she only likes us wearing black and white, which is overbearing and weird to me IMO and I feel if she wants me to dress a certain way, she needs to buy me a uniform.

Erin

I think it's weird that she dictates how she wants you to dress Sounds like she has self-image issues IMO

[Ky'sMom]

I think it's weird that she dictates how she wants you to dress Sounds like she has self-image issues IMO

I think it is weird too. She is very overbearing and quite shallow when it comes to looks. We had an interviewee come in last month to take over my administrative duties since she only wants me doing procurement and contract administration now, but I also am an exec admin assit and that takes up pretty much all my time so I can't focus on procurement. We had a great candidate but she didn't want to hire her because she didn't like her hair and didn't think she looked polished enough. Even though she agreed the person was well qualified and would be able to adequately do the job.

It really bothered me because I also know she doesn't like the way I dress or look most of the time. That by itself doesn't bother me (her shallowness, because I see that as a character flaw and pity her for her shallowness) but she readily admits that I am a great worker and she wouldn't know what to do with me in the office. I truly believe I wouldn't be working here if she had given me an interview, just based on looks. She instead will hire all these "professional" looking people who turn out to be....I'll say what I call them - not too bright. This new person will be trained by me and I so don't want an idiot here who I will have to tell over and over what to do.

What was REALLY crazy to me is that she was considering hiring this girl she interviewed, who asked for a salary that is $15K more than what I make, just because she looked "professional." I told my co-worker who is the hiring manager, that if he hired that girl and she got $15K more than me for doing one of my four jobs, that I would sue the company. He said he'd make sure she didn't get hired.

ETA: I do dress professional at work, but I like to wear other colors besides black and white and she feels only black and white are business attire.

Erin

[Cosmosmom]

Yeah no guilt trips! I have already told DH who worries a lot and now worries about not being a good enough dad, that the fact that he worries and cares show how good he will be!

Definitely trade-offs in everything. I actually tried using cloth for myself but didn't care much for that...hopefully this will be different.

I generally am willing to pay more for made in USA stuff or higher quality stuff but am in a position to do so right now. And with a DH who works in manufacturing, we really do try when given a choice.

I don't mind wearing makeup, I just don't bother with it. especially when DH prefers none I don't see much point most of the time. And I did grow up with a mom who will not leave the house without her makeup on.

Yeah I think that it would be devastating to have a baby at home with us and than have to give it back because they changed their minds.
The agency we are with is pretty good, it's statewide with 8 offices and they counsel the birth moms about all the options they have, including resources that are available if they decide to parent. So it seems like we have heard less about minds being changed than some. They also don't tell the birth moms to soak us for all we are worth...some agencies will tell them all this stuff we can legally pay for to get them to agree....and than they change their minds and we are screwed out thousands of dollars. The one we are with, we do not pay the rest of the big chunk of fees until we have our baby. I like that they seem to look out for birth mom's interest as well as adoptive families interests to get the best for the baby. That is why we haven't done outside advertising or anything and would rather just wait it out with the agency.

[Bridget]

Just want to say that I wasn't trying to toot my own horn about using cloth wipes. I also use disposable wipes and diapers whenever the hell I feel I like it and don't for one second think it is any reflection of my status as a good or bad mom. I'm all for the resolution of not knocking ourselves as mothers especially not against each other since this net is one place I never ever feel like I have to defend myself or worry about people taking what I say to mean anything more than my own personal preference.

When Savana sees me putting mascara on she will say, "Why are you getting all dressed up?" lol even if I'm wearing cut offs and and a tank top she will think I'm "looking all beautiful and fancy" (her words) just in mascara. I never go out so I sometimes wear it just to take the kids to the library. I feel like I always look tired so it makes me feel good to have my eyes lookin awake.

Jennifer, I totally think it would by beyond devastating to have a baby at home and then have the mother change her mind.

[dana_renay]

I could not use cloth for myself. DivaCup is the shiz-nit, though! Changed my life, for real.

Ugh. I just went down to the lactation room and somebody was already in there pumping. In MY timeslot. Hope my bbs don't explode.

[missychrissy]

Woot woot! I'm glad I'm not the only one who likes to wear makeup; I was starting to feel a little shallow there!

Um, you? Shallow? Puh-leeze!!! lol!!! I have my own vanities. I got a boob job, remember? And I'm proud as all get out about how my body looks at my age and after having 4 kids. I do like to dress to flaunt it sometimes too. Still feeling shallow?

ETA: I do dress professional at work, but I like to wear other colors besides black and white and she feels only black and white are business attire.

Erin

I don't even know what to say to all that Erin. You win the crazy-boss contest!!

[dana_renay]

Erin - Your boss sounds shallow, insecure and controlling. I hope you rock that turquoise dress!

[AmeriBrit]

On the makeup thing, I don't go anywhere in public unless it's the beach or pool where I'm going to get wet without makeup because I feel like I look tired and unpolished without doing my hair and makeup.

Erin, that is quite bizarre about your boss! When I worked in an office, the women wore all colors of the rainbow (sometimes things that were definitely not appropriate for work-like tight little neon mini skirts and stuff!) I love wearing all sorts of colors. You should have hired on the person your boss wanted to pay $15k more than you and then demanded a bigger salary than theirs!!!!

[missychrissy]

I could not use cloth for myself. DivaCup is the shiz-nit, though! Changed my life, for real.

I was going to try the diva cup, but thought I'd do the instead cup (disposable equivalent) just to see if I'd really like it. I LOVED IT! Until one day I was shopping and bent over to get something from a low shelf and had the thing spill inside me...and then out me. Talk about a nightmare!

[dana_renay]

Crissy, Ewww! That's my idea of a nightmare. Diva is totally different than Instead (different shape and different material). I tried Instead a couple of times and couldn't make it work, but Diva rocks my world. Never leaks.

[Bridget]

Haaa, Kai just asked me to roast him some garlic because "his throat feels a little scratchy" so he thinks he's getting a cold. lol My little old man asking for home remedies!

[missychrissy]

Hmm...I don't know if I dare try the Diva though. I'd used Instead for a few months. I'm not sure what happened that time either. I'd certainly bent over and squatted before without issues.

[missychrissy]

Haaa, Kai just asked me to roast him some garlic because "his throat feels a little scratchy" so he thinks he's getting a cold. lol My little old man asking for home remedies!

I feel like I might be getting a sore throat too. Make me some too 'tay Mom?

[Cosmosmom]

Yeah i think that we all have our things we are vain about like Chrissy said. Mine would never be body (that is like my weak spot!) but would be my hair. It's long and thick and curly/wavy naturally. And little old ladies at work are always commenting on it.

I don't like the way disposable wipes smell. Never had when kids came with them when I was sitting all the time. I remember my mom never used those on us. So I am cool with not doing those. I think. I reserve the right to change my mind!

And NO guilt. I mean I'm going to use formula...and I will never feel badly about that. Even knowing that sometimes adopting moms can still BF with taking some drugs and maybe some equipment or whatever. But I'm not going to do that.

[Bridget]

I would sure love to roast you some garlic!

I used the diva cup for quite some time and really liked it until I boiled it to clean it one time and forgot about it for so long all the water boiled out and burned the hell out of it. Whoops!! Then I was suddenly pregnant and now I'm using mamacloth which I like and I'm fine with while I'm washing Sawyer's diapers since I can throw them in with that load but once he's done I may go back to the diva cup since I'm not sure how I'd wash them at that point.

ETA: I used to get and treat myself for a yeast infection every single time had my cycle. When I stopped using commercial tampons, I stopped getting the symptoms so I'm quite sure I was reacting to something in them.

[Bridget]

Yes, if there is one thing I have learned on this parenting journey is that guilt will eat you alive. It really will. I have trained myself to be proactive. If I go to bed at night feeling regret for the way I handled something and it's something I can change that I change it and I move on. If I can't change it then it's done and tomorrow is a new day.

[missychrissy]

Speaking of Mama guilt-my daughters have helped themselves to a good number of my tops (and some shorts/skirts!). I'm irritated about it but even when I just think about buying myself a couple new blouses, I feel guilty. I can never enjoy buying clothes for myself because I cannot stop thinking about the things I could have bought for the kids instead.

I'm going to do it anyway 'cause frankly I'm sick to death of the stuff they've left for me to wear, but I know I'll also feel guilty spending that money on myself.

[Smplyme89]

ETA: I do dress professional at work, but I like to wear other colors besides black and white and she feels only black and white are business attire.

Erin

I think your boss is

Definitely trade-offs in everything. I actually tried using cloth for myself but didn't care much for that...hopefully this will be different.

Yeah..... I can't do mama cloth.... I just can't....

Just want to say that I wasn't trying to toot my own horn about using cloth wipes. I also use disposable wipes and diapers whenever the hell I feel I like it and don't for one second think it is any reflection of my status as a good or bad mom. I'm all for the resolution of not knocking ourselves as mothers especially not against each other since this net is one place I never ever feel like I have to defend myself or worry about people taking what I say to mean anything more than my own personal preference.

I didn't think you were tooting your own horn at all mama. And even if you were, you shoud

And NO guilt. I mean I'm going to use formula...and I will never feel badly about that. Even knowing that sometimes adopting moms can still BF with taking some drugs and maybe some equipment or whatever. But I'm not going to do that.

If ANYONE ever even hints at making you feel guilty (or try to) you send them my way. I will give them a what for Inducing lactation is hard and it is such an incredibly personal choice!!

Yes, if there is one thing I have learned on this parenting journey is that guilt will eat you alive. It really will. I have trained myself to be proactive. If I go to bed at night feeling regret for the way I handled something and it's something I can change that I change it and I move on. If I can't change it then it's done and tomorrow is a new day.

Love it

[Smplyme89]

Speaking of Mama guilt-my daughters have helped themselves to a good number of my tops (and some shorts/skirts!). I'm irritated about it but even when I just think about buying myself a couple new blouses, I feel guilty. I can never enjoy buying clothes for myself because I cannot stop thinking about the things I could have bought for the kids instead.

I'm going to do it anyway 'cause frankly I'm sick to death of the stuff they've left for me to wear, but I know I'll also feel guilty spending that money on myself.

You absolutely DESERVE to buy yoursef some nice, new clothes mama. I get the guilt feeling though

[dana_renay]

We used to roast garlic on the grill until it was super soft, then squeeze that out on a bun, add a grilled portabella and some brie...mmmmmmmmmmm....I don't know why I haven't done that in so long.

[Smplyme89]

We used to roast garlic on the grill until it was super soft, then squeeze that out on a bun, add a grilled portabella and some brie...mmmmmmmmmmm....I don't know why I haven't done that in so long.

Well that is making my apple and peanut butter for lunch appear really inadequate!!

[AmeriBrit]

This is totally random and off topic but my mom told me today that my brother has a little daschund dog that lives in his neighborhood and it keeps dragging stuff in to his yard and steals the kids' toys, etc, and then today it dragged up a McDonald's bag. When my brother picked the bag up to throw it in the trash, he looked inside first and there was some money in it! $65 she said! How wacked is that?!

[Smplyme89]

This is totally random and off topic but my mom told me today that my brother has a little daschund dog that lives in his neighborhood and it keeps dragging stuff in to his yard and steals the kids' toys, etc, and then today it dragged up a McDonald's bag. When my brother picked the bag up to throw it in the trash, he looked inside first and there was some money in it! $65 she said! How wacked is that?!

Oh wow!!!

Why would you put cash in a McD's bag

[AmeriBrit]

LOL...yeah, I don't think he lives in the best of areas! He actually lives next door to one of my uncles who has to hide every valuable he has when his own son (my cousin) is around or he'll rob him blind!

[girlwonder]

Jennifer - we used unscented wipes. Have you all ever seen baby perfume? That squicks me out. Why would you want to spray your baby with what some strange corporation has decided a baby should smell like?

Erin - your boss is crazy.

I use sea sponges for the monthlies. Easy to rinse out and then I pop it in hydrogen peroxide for a day or so then air dry. But then sometimes I use store-bought. I guess I am all about what is easiest!