Thanks, Gwenn. That's pretty much what I was thinking.
Chrissy I hope it is just a phase, but my personality type doesn’t allow for people to walk over me and be ok with it. Even when it comes to my mom, who as you know I love dearly. I am at the “if I see her, I see her” point, but it still hurts when I do and when I don’t see her…. If that makes any sense at all.
I asked her last time when I found out she had been lying to me, that if she had any respect for me at all not to do that again. It’s not necessary, she already knows I don’t have any respect for Winner-Winner and I do not at all support her decision to continue on with this ridiculous relationship with him BUT I have kept my mouth shut about the whole thing. I took you ladies advice some time ago and have just let it be. I don’t offer my opinion or advice on anything, not even if she asks. She wants to talk about him/the situation, I let her, I just don’t respond much more than a head nod/smile/what have you. (That’s where the faking enthusiasm comes in-I suck at it too).
I am just so tired of feeling betrayed by her and I think she is doing this on purpose. She’s not acting this way towards anyone else, just me. Everybody thinks I am being too hard on her about the whole thing I am already expecting people to start accusing me of turning my back on her and keeping Nolan from her, it will come in due time I am sure. *I* am this huge B**** because I won’t let her take Nolan to a drug dealers house. Of course she leaves out that tid bit when she is running her mouth to people about me
C is about 6months older than Nolan. When she got pg we had been TTC like a year I think, I must admit I probably said/reacted in a away that was not something I was proud of when I found out. My brother has raised C, but we don’t think C is his. Baby mama was sleeping with 6 (and I am not exaggerating the number) guys at the same time she got pregnant. Which is really irrelevant since regardless C is my nephew. My brother really does have a good heart, how many guys do you know that would continue to raise a child they know isn’t there after having been lied to the whole pg and even after the baby was born that he was his??? In the beginning we only knew about ONE prospective guy that she had slept with. After a big fight when C was 6mths more and more guys starting coming out of the wood works when she would talk about that time period.
The whole speech thing confuses me tbh. I have nothing to compare Nolan too, so I have no idea what the vocabulary of an 18mth old should be I don't even know what counts as words since he does more parrotting, random babbling, and other various noises all.the.time. His pedi seemed more interested at his last appointment in how wel he was communicating what he wanted, not so much the number of words.
Mostly I am not concerned unless I start reading about how much other LO's are talking. I try to ignore that for the most part since everytime I start stressing about it, he catches up
Oh, hey, Mylah, when you get back, let me know how/where your camping spot was! Have a great time.
Speech is so hard. Both of my twins were late to talk and then ended up having pretty sophisticated vocabularies and pronunciation by the time they were three. I remember another mom commenting on DD at the playground sometime between 3 and 4 at how she must have always been advanced in her language skills and it took me a moment to realize that she was talking about MY kid, because it was so not true. As a lay person, I would think that would be one of the harder things, to figure out when a baby is actually behind in speech or is just a late bloomer, but with the questions Mandy is asking about the pre-language things, they were always really good about receptive language and communicating their wants. DD would pull me around the house constantly, to the fridge, to her toys, to her books.
But for some reason, my MIL and her day care teacher keep pushing the panic alarm on her speaking. My MIL was telling me and DH that we need to force her to ask for what she wants instead of pointing. My DH surprised me by basically telling her to mind her own business. I told her that’s an easy way to give A a complex.
Anyway, long story short – I feel your pain, mama.
As for the others, I made a rule for myself long ago that I don't worry about what anyone else thinks, and I do not ever defend myself to anyone. My issues with people are between me and that person and aren't anyone else's business.
LOL Gilly loves the theme song for Big Bang Theory too. If I try to ffwd he will ask me to stop.
Chrissy, I admit I had to google what ear gauging was. The teenage years are so hard. I remember thinking I wanted to a vet tech, because I love animals so much. Well I am really too soft hearted for it. The first time I had to deal with a dog dying, I had to leave work because I felt so sick and awful. I knew that couldn't do this job every day. I convinced my mom I was leaving college because I was "following my dream" to be a vet tech. That lasted 6 months. My mom just listened, but she had to know what a big mistake that was. It reminds me of that old saying.
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
Christina, I sorry about your mom.
G was a late talker too. We had him in ST when he was 2.5. I kept waiting for his speech explosion, it didn't really happen until he was about 3y4m. Now at 4 you would never know he had a speech delay. My mil will say to me, shaking her head 'I cannot believe you thought he wasn't going to talk"
Shelley-mom to DS, 6
Chrissy your description of Bobbie actually made me kind of smile because she reminds me a lot of my college friends! I think that she just needs to be able to have time to process her adult life and that it takes a while. Honestly though I kind of giggled about her constantly speaking of her lesbianism. That is pretty cute to me because I also had a friend do that in college and it got to the point where I started introducing her as my "lesbian friend X" and reminding people she was a lesbian. Luckily we were good friends and she didn't get mad at me LOL! I also would introduce myself as "hetereosexual Erin" and remind everyone that I liked to have sex with men with penises (they also had to be REAL penises, and no women with fake pensises, I liked them real LOL). I was weirdo back in my early years in college!
I do hope Bobbie isn't serious about the ear gauging. I agree with you that it will make it harder for her to get jobs. But hopefully she will keep her spirit and if she is confident she'll make a go of it in her own unique way and be successful. Though you are a great mom in your care and concern for all your kids, sometimes you just gotta let go. Remind me to remember that when my kids are older and driving me crazy!!!!
I spent so much time repairing our relationship from the damage that had been done with her not listening to me all those years about how my dad treated us and what he was really doing while he was at home or "job hunting" and now I just feel..... like what was the point.
I've been trying really hard to work on my outlook on life in general. I don't trust people and tend to be over-all pessimistic and that has spilled over into my relationship with DH. He is starting to cave under that stress/pressure, that is in me, that he gets the brunt of. I'm trying to learn to be more open/honest about what I am really feeling. It's amazing how hard it is to talk about your feelings when you've been repressing them your whole life. Another one of the reasons I am trying to avoid my mom, I can't really talk to her anymore, so there I go repressing things again.
I also knew girls like Bobbie when I was in school. The "I'm a lesbian" line was always popular. It's just some sort of phase some teens need to go through I think. Most come out of the other end, good mature people. Most of those same girs are now in/going to college and making a way for themselves. She's just finding herself, maybe doing it a bit unconventionally, but finding herself none-the-less. You can only do what you can do. Can you promise to remind me of that when Nolan gets to be a teen and I am pulling my hair out
I definitely know I don't care if Bobbie is a lesbian. If she dates a girl, that's her business and I only hope she's nice. But...maybe it's some deep buried biased I'm not aware of, but the constant talking about it makes me wonder. That, combined with how excited she got when she was first hired at McDonalds and her male manager touched the small of her back when training her. She would get the butterflies and everything. Does that happen to lesbians?
In the end, it doesn't matter but when I consider it might be a reaction to what happened to her last year, I do worry a little bit. I don't think a mom can ever stop worrying. Even if 'nothing' is going on, I'm pretty good at thinking up stuff to ruminate about when it comes to my kids!
My sister is a lesbian and she doesn't find men attractive at all!! She thinks she is a handsomer version of a man lol!
My sister is more of a stereotypical "butch" sort of lesbian. She's the masculine one in the relationship and is very aggressive so she excites herself via her relationships and not the other way around. She did date men and I caught her making out with a guy in her room when I was 12 and she was about 19 or 20 I think but she said she just got with that guy to see if she liked men and figured out she didn't and after that didn't go with guys anymore. But she does find some men attractive, just not in a sexual way. Hard to explain. Plus I'm not a lesbian so you can take what I say with a grain of salt.
My friend who used to go around talking about being a lesbian actually is married to a man with kids and considers herself bi-sexual now. I think at the time she was boasting about lesbianism, she was excited about her sexual freedom and had just experienced a relationship with a woman so was really into finding that out about herself at the time (I used to joke with her that her that she was similar to my mom in her "rebirth" as my mom at the time was always talking about God/Jesus as a newly "saved" person and my friend's boasting of her lesbianism, reminded me of that and she also was not very religious so I would chide her with her "rebirth" as a lesbian, it was a running joke). FWIW, my friend also had an experience similar to Bobbie's experience last year and after that she did not date men for a long time, probably 5 or 6 years until she met her current husband.
Chrissy, I agree you just need to let Bobbie go out and find herself. I have known women who had a bad experience, and then became a lesbian for a while, and then decided they were straight after all. My sister's good friend did that and she's now married and has a 17-year-old daughter (her daughter was born after she decided she wasn't a lesbian). I think in some women, it's either a way to explore options or a reaction against their past experiences. I can't think of any men that I know that did that, though - it must be more of a girl thing. Bobbie can try it on and see if it's right for her. I suspect if you try to convince her otherwise, she'll go even farther in the opposite direction just to assert her own independence.
About the speech - kids vary SO MUCH between one and two so it's hard to take any of the milestones that seriously. That said, average vocabulary at 18 months is 50 words and beginning to use 2-word combinations. But there is so much else we look at, and I certainly wouldn't expect a 17 month old or especially a 15 month old to talk that much. The "language explosion" really is an explosion when it happens. I definitely want to know that kids are experimenting with sounds - babbling different consonant sounds (p, b, m, h, w for starters, and maybe t and d, too), and babbling strings that sound like sentences even though there aren't any words in there. They should be able to get your attention, play a simple game with you (like peek-a-boo), show you things they are excited about (pointing to an airplane), maintain a game for 1-2 minutes, and communicate what they want and need by pointing or leading you to what they want. They should be able to follow simple commands, and recognize items that you are talking about (like "get the ball" given a group of 4 or so toys). Most of those are actually test items on the assessment I give my kids at work, under the 1 year to 1.5 year age range. I'd like to see all of that well established in a kid that age. But this is age-specific. When I see a three-year-old still communicating that way, I put them in therapy immediately.
Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
From the gay/lesbians that I do know, they don't find the opposite sex attractive at all. Most never did, or thought they did and than later found out that the intimacy of someone of the opposite sex didn't excite them.
As far as bisexual goes, I always thought of that as a purely sexual stance. Which sex you decide to settle down with is what I consider your orientation. I know a number of heterosexual woman who enjoy the company of a woman, but ultimately prefer men.
Oh, I'd never try to convince her of anything. It's just something I do wonder about, especially given how much she talks about it. It just seems a bit odd to me...but again, I wouldn't actually try to tell her what she is/is not attracted to. It's not my business.
It'll happen! Really!
Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
Kai's explosion was ridiculous! He hardly said anything. At two years he was using 2 word phrases of only few words and I was becoming concerned. Then one day we were outside and Savana was holding a frog. The frog jumped out of her hand and landed smack on Kai's forehead. His little foot was, like, hanging in Kai's eye! The three of us laughed so so hard all day about that. That evening my parents walked in the door to join us for dinner and Kai came out of the kitchen and said, "Gramma! Grampa! Savana was holding a frog in her hand, and it jumped out of her hand and landed RIGHT ON MY FOREHEAD!" He was so animated and crystal clear. He had hardly spoken a sentence up until then!
My mom and dad looked at me all wide eyed and just bursted into laughter and Kai was doubled over with laughter because he had no idea how so much of our laughter was just delight in hearing him come out with all those words. He thought we were all laughing at his crazy story. All night we were asking him to tell it again. Now that I think about it, he must have really realized the power of a good story that night since we were all so enthralled with him all night. He is a really amazing storyteller. He stands up tall, speaks clearly, and is really animated. He will be like, "Okay. Mom. I am asking you this question. The question is, 'Have you heard the story about dog who saved halloween?' lol That's how he starts! The other night at the park he got up on this little pavilion and recited one of Savana's kindergarten poems that he had memorized. It was about leprauchans. I didn't even know he knew it so perfectly. He even bowed at the end!
*Sigh* He's such a great kid. And telling that story made me miss my mom so much. She really got so much delight out of my kids. She used to laugh so hard she would have tears in her eyes.
Ugh - not nearly enough time to comment on everything and catch up! But a few things:
Bridget - you can listen to episodes of radiolab right online on their website. You need to know nothing about podcasts!
Speaking of radiolab, I love it, and one of the most memorable episodes to me is very relevant to a frequently discussed topic in this room...language development:
D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)
That is the greatest story, Bridget!
Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
My DH says he is going to go back to school and make a killing by becoming a plastic surgeon, specializing in correcting gauged ears for all the people who deeply regret it 10 or 20 years down the road.
D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)
I'll actually admit I like gauges. Not the huge ones where your hole is as big as your ear canal. Smaller gauges are ok to me though. I would never do it since I plan on being in the business field my whole life and that isn't exactly marketable
Bridget that is a great story! And I had that experience with a frog (except mine landed on my mouth when DH opened the front door). It involved screaming not laughter! LOL)
Chrissy, I only know my sister didn't tell us she was gay until about 28 yrs old. And considering our uncle was and our aunt it, it wasn't because gay is not accepted in our family. She did date very little but definitely talked about boy crushes when younger.
Gauges are disgusting...actually that kind of thing might have made my mom pull financial support in college. Hair is one thing, most tattoos are one thing....but that is something else.
And yes, something like that would probably stop my employer from hiring someone. Nose and eyebrows are not allowed as well. And tats have to be covered up while at work.
speaking of tats, last weekend we saw a guy who had "f&^%" on his left arm and on his right arm "you"
Shelley-mom to DS, 6