Secular Confessions

[Smplyme89]

My mom did a 'drive by' at the house yesterday. When she got there we had lost electricity shortly before that. She was all huffy about it and said "well THAT ruins my plans". Um... ok whatever.

She huffed about for a while, stopping periodically to text on her phone, and to play with Nolan for a minute. The lights came back on and she starts doing laundry. She was upset that I had moved some of her stuff onto her bed. It was our weekend to go through tear everything apart and spray for bugs (I love this time of year ). She of course didn't volunteer to help so I had to clean everything off the floor and sweep/mop/spray her room as well, but shame on me for forgetting to put her side table back on the floor

She finishes her laundry and out the door she goes. I know that DH is getting a bit irritated with the situation, as am I. I just don't really know what I am supposed to do or if for that matter, should I do anything?? She is grown, she can very well make her own decisions, and I am all for that... but she is using our house as a laundry mat since winner-winner doesn't have a washer/dryer. All the while boasting to everyone that she isn't moving too quickly and she won't be moving in with him anytime soon. Um... when you only come "home" every 3-4 days, I think you can safely say you don't live at said "home" anymore.

I am trying to hard to stay out of the situation, but we have been getting sucked into it anyway. DH took Nolan over to my dads the other day for his weekly visit and all of a sudden mom is trying to say that he was telling my dad some stuff about her (more specifically that winner-winner paid for her divorce) which IS true, but DH didnt' tell my dad. It's just all so annoying...

Sorry to bug you ladies with my crap again.... *sigh*

[Smplyme89]

I just got a voicemail from the vet...Cramer is doing fine! His bone was broken at the ends enough that the vet said he had to shorten it slightly to pin it together smoothly, but since he's not a flyer it won't make any difference in his life. I can't wait to hear when we can bring him home!

That is fantastic!!!

[girlwonder]

Yay Cramer!!!

[AbbeysMom]

Mandy, I wrote my response without reading yours (it took me awhile ), so even though we are polar opposites in our beliefs on guns, my post wasn't any direct-confrontation type response. I hope you didn't think that. And I live with people in my life who feel exactly like you do, and I love and respect them very much, but it's nice to have a place (online) that I can say how I really feel about it. I would never tell my ILs my raw beliefs, because it does feel confrontational, even when it's really just having different beliefs.

Bridget, it would make more sense if she was trying to get you to move somewhere she lived, but just 'someplace else' that appeals to her more? Sounds pretty self-centered. You have family near you and she's basically asking you to leave them so she can have a 'better' vacation spot?

Christina, the fact that she's an adult means she shouldn't be acting like a bad college roommate with her first boyfriend. And your mom shouldn't expect other people to not speak about her, that sound super controlling, especially since saying who paid for her divorce isn't exactly slander.

Chrissy, happy for you about Cramer! Hope he continues to recover quickly.

Jennifer, about the story of your mom. I can completely understand why you have so much respect for her strength.

[missychrissy]

Bridget, it would make more sense if she was trying to get you to move somewhere she lived, but just 'someplace else' that appeals to her more? Sounds pretty self-centered. You have family near you and she's basically asking you to leave them so she can have a 'better' vacation spot?

I suspect this is where dbf may have gotten it from.

[Smplyme89]

Christina, the fact that she's an adult means she shouldn't be acting like a bad college roommate with her first boyfriend. And your mom shouldn't expect other people to not speak about her, that sound super controlling, especially since saying who paid for her divorce isn't exactly slander.

That is *exactly* what she is acting like. I couldn't have explained it better. I am almost at the point where I want to tell her to move out and not have anything to do with either one of them. Let them tear each other apart and stress each other out, I don't need it and I definitely don't need my son around their toxicity. I am not there yet, but it's close. At some point I'll have to talk to my dad about taunting my mom. It needs to stop, at least if he wants to see Nolan it does.

and I thought you sounded incredibly confrontational Not really, you just sounded really passionate and I don't think there is anything wrong with that

[Gwenn]

Molly, I didn't think you were confronting me. I appreciate that we can all have different opinions on a topic but do so with respect and without needing to hide our feelings.

Bridget, that's crazy! Totally agree with Molly about the selfishness of asking you to leave your family to accommodate her vacations. And how is Hawaii easy to get to?

Christina, I think in your position I would be ready to ask your mom to move out. You can always offer to let her do her laundry there if she needs to (since that's all she's doing anyway) but you need her to arrange that with you in advance.

Jennifer, my DH had a similar incident in his family. His father was murdered by his stepmother, who then shot herself. DH was in his 20s at the time. It's a really difficult thing for him to talk about. It's especially complicated because his dad left his mom for this woman, leaving DH's mother with no employment history and an 8th grade education to support two growing boys alone, and he saw very little of his dad after the divorce. He has a lot of mixed feelings about his dad, and the murder just confused him even more.

[Ky'sMom]

Wanted to say I also don't have a problem with your question Myles. It takes a lot to get me hot and bothered

[Ky'sMom]

Bridget, you are such a nice and considerate person to even think of entertaining your MILs questions about where you live. Honestly, I would just tell her I'd let her know when we are planning on moving and to please stop asking about it because it is not going to make me move any faster. Shr probably wouldn't like me LOL! My MIL had a phase where she didn't like me either because I got sick of dancing around her and being extra nice so I started being my regular old self and it took some adjustments for her to get used to me. I even had to apologize for being so nice to her initially and told her I just wanted us to get along but I felt that if I continued trying to please her then we would eventually have a horrible relationship. We get along great now since she knows she has no impact on our decisions now. She wanted us to move to the suburbs in a big house near her sister's sons because they had some sort of "my kid is better than your kid" type of competition going on or something and that wasn't going to happen and I don't give a crap about her sister's sons so she should basically shut her trap about it (didn't say shut her trap, said it nicer!)

Erin

[AmeriBrit]

Wanted to say I also don't have a problem with your question Myles. It takes a lot to get me hot and bothered

Yes, this.

[Cosmosmom]

I didn't have a problem either Myles....of course we aren't all to agree 100% of everything. I think the deal in here is like it is with my bff and myself.....we agree a good amount of the time but not always. But we can always talk about it because there is respect there......and the biggie is that you don't try or expect to change each others opinions.


And seriously Bridget, it's not like you are in the middle of nowhere. I would NEVER consider moving just because my relative....and I do love my MIL....wanted a better vacation spot. I'm sure that they all weren't thrilled when I moved DH and I across state. A 5-6 hour drive isn't really far but far enough to make it a bit of a pain to visit. We don't love the drive either....mean the first few times it was fun but it gets old and going down 94 is really the only real option unless you want to be on the road a few more hours. But they can just deal with it. I was given a great career opportunity and we took it....best thing for us. I would love to use my vacation time for really exotic vacations....but we chose to use almost all it for visiting back home with our family or for being off when they come by us. Eventually we will have a "real" vacation again.

[missychrissy]

Cramer is coming home tomorrow!!

[Suja]

YAY, Cramer!

It would make for a pretty lonely and boring existence if we only had friends that agreed with us on everything. I firmly believe that we can discuss pretty much anything under the sun in a civil manner.

[Bridget]

Is Cramer home now?

I don't think any discussion needs to be off limits here, personally. Unless it's not ok for the board in general but y'all would be pretty hard pressed to offend me that is for sure. I like you too much.

I am so annoyed right now I could punch things. Just dbf crap so I won't bore you with the details but grrrrrr.

I actually wore a bikini to the beach today and regretted it. I was too self concious. Darnit. I'm going to have to wear a one piece until I tighten up this loose belly area. In the mirror I looked fine standing just so. But when you are at the beach with 3 kids you are never, and I mean NEVER just so. lol

Oh oh oh. In more annoying news. Our kitty, Pawprint. We got her for free off craigslist and the woman told us she was fixed. Well...she is definitely in heat right now and I am very stressed about it. I couldn't get her in to our local clinic until thursday and that's not even to fix her but to check and see if she needs it (which she does) and make sure she's not already knocked up. I'm going to call around to other towns tomorrow and see if I can't get her in stat. She goes outside so this is serious. I'm really pissed this woman may have lied to us and wish I still had her contact information. FML big time if I have to contend with a litter of kittens.

[missychrissy]

Christina, I had to think about this because I'm not 100% sure how I'd feel in your situation. I'm still not, but it's not all that different than what I have going on with my two older teens. Now that they're 'adults', I really don't have any rules about curfew or anything like that. Maybe I'm too liberal, but they seem to stay home a lot (right now). Anyway, Bobbie and Jesi have both disappeared with friends for long periods (Jesi for a whole month!) and pretty much come and go as they please. That I don't have a problem with. I guess I expect that to be a normal part of adult life...at least it is when you live with someone else. No matter how much you love someone, as I'm sure you mother loves you, it's difficult to be with them 7 days a week.

That said, I wouldn't have tolerated the witching about the electric going out, not helping with her own room at least, and the complaints about what you may or may not have neglected in her room. As an adult, I would expect her to help with that sort of thing. If she's not there a lot, she at least needs to care for her own room and participate with you guys when you'd doing extermination.

It's tricky because she's mom, but she's living with you. I do not think it's unreasonable to expect her to take care of her stuff. It would be nice if she helped with general household chores as well, but if she's really not there a lot then personally I'd probably let that slide. IF she was taking care of her own room.

[missychrissy]

BUT-I think it's perfectly ok for you to draw a line and say, "This really isn't working out." You don't owe her any explanation. You're an adult and can make your own decisions about what is best for your family without having to explain yourself to anyone. If it's starting to cause problems between you and dh, then maybe it's time to start talking about when this might end. 2 weeks? 6 months? I think if you had an end date in sight it might help you all feel more relieved and have a little more patience.

[missychrissy]

Is Cramer home now?

I don't think any discussion needs to be off limits here, personally. Unless it's not ok for the board in general but y'all would be pretty hard pressed to offend me that is for sure. I like you too much.

I am so annoyed right now I could punch things. Just dbf crap so I won't bore you with the details but grrrrrr.

I actually wore a bikini to the beach today and regretted it. I was too self concious. Darnit. I'm going to have to wear a one piece until I tighten up this loose belly area. In the mirror I looked fine standing just so. But when you are at the beach with 3 kids you are never, and I mean NEVER just so. lol

Oh oh oh. In more annoying news. Our kitty, Pawprint. We got her for free off craigslist and the woman told us she was fixed. Well...she is definitely in heat right now and I am very stressed about it. I couldn't get her in to our local clinic until thursday and that's not even to fix her but to check and see if she needs it (which she does) and make sure she's not already knocked up. I'm going to call around to other towns tomorrow and see if I can't get her in stat. She goes outside so this is serious. I'm really pissed this woman may have lied to us and wish I still had her contact information. FML big time if I have to contend with a litter of kittens.

Cramer comes home tomorrow. Not till after work though. I was getting ready to request the day off & spend it with my buddy.

I want to know what your dbf is up to now. I have no helpful advice for dealing with him, but if it helps to just get it out, please do. I certainly don't mind reading about him.

at that woman!! My cat Cally had an appointment to be spayed and they found she was already pregnant and it cost a significant (for us at that time) amount more...even though it was so early they didn't even know till they went in there. I hope you can find some place to get her in quicker. Why would someone lie about something like that?

[Gwenn]

That's crazy that she lied to you about the cat being spayed! I hope you can get her in soon and that everything works out.

[Suja]

People, especially on CL, lie. All.The.Time. It's hard to find good homes for cats (or dogs for that matter), so people lie to make them more appealing than might actually be. Bridget, I hope you can find a place that would do a gravid spay, in case it is necessary.

[demigraf]

Oooh, bad karma for that lady if it turns out she lied about spaying Pawprint, Bridget. I hope Pawprint just ate something that made her go crazy and she won't need any procedure. Fingers crossed for you, my dear.

It would make for a pretty lonely and boring existence if we only had friends that agreed with us on everything. I firmly believe that we can discuss pretty much anything under the sun in a civil manner.

I think so too. I'm just sensitive for other people by reflex because, more than half the time, people (out there, not in here) tend to take disagreements personally. I don't mind being challenged. Glad to have it confirmed that you ladies like an energetic disagreement. Let's all share our views on the upcoming presidential election then, shall we*? (*that was a joke)

Mandy, that's an awful story about your DH's dad. I'm so sorry to hear he had to go through something like that.

Erin, I like the way you handled your MIL. You've got a great style, woman!

Christina, I would lay some ground rules down for your mother if she's going to live in your house. For example, you could tell her she's expected to pitch in when you're cleaning. More importantly, I think you need to point out to her how selfish she's become. I've seen it happen before, that people getting a divorce gain a disproportionate sense of entitlement that comes as a backlash for years of having to compromise. Suddenly, they feel like it's time for ME ME ME. If you think that's what's going on with her, then maybe you could start a discussion by acknowledging how happy you are for her new-found freedom after all she'd done for you and your father. Then add, though, that she's now putting herself a little too much before other people. If she continues down that path, she will damage her relationship with you, lose her friends, and if it doesn't work out with winner-winner, she could end up very lonely.

Oh, yeah, and Bridget, of course your MIL is disconnected from reality. Seriously... moving to somewhere just because she'd prefer to visit an alternate locale? Talk about selfish!

[MashedUp]

I have no problems with any topic being discussed in here. I haven't been here that long, but everyone seems super respectful. Yay for Cramer coming home and Bridget I'm sorry people are stupid and lied to you.

I have the 4th, 5th and 6th off next week (as does my mom) and we are having such a hard time figuring out what to do! We wanted to go to my memere's camp, but she isn't sure yet if my uncle and his kids are using it. Then we were going to go to DH's mom's camp, but he wants to wait and go on the weekend to avoid the 4th of july traffic. I'm broke, so it's got to be something free/cheap. I guess we'll just see how the weather pans out first.

[Bridget]

So they do fix the cat even if it's pregnant? Something about that makes me sad. But a handful of kittens with no homes makes me even sadder.
Dbf is just up to his same old stuff. Acting annoyed with the kids for doing what kids do. It really really pisses me off when he has the chutzpah to act annoyed with sweet Sawyer who is just the coolest baby ever. I swear, he has these days where he walks around acting like he is just too cool for us and everything we do is soooo annoying. I can't explain it but that's the feeling I get. Anyway, I just snuck off to bed instead of watching a movie with him because I couldn't stand it anymore. Hopefully today will be better.

[missychrissy]

Well, our vet aborted them. They said she was just barely pregnant and for whatever reason they didn't know it till they were in there. They are a reputable place too, so it was weird they didn't catch it.

Sorry about dbf Bridget.

[MashedUp]

I think, typically they won't do a spay surgery if the cat is pregnant or in heat, but it is possible. Sometimes they don't know they are pregnant until they get in there. I believe that there is more risk of bleeding, etc to do the surgery when they are in heat, but it's been a long time since I worked at a vet, so I'm not 100% sure on that.

[AmeriBrit]

I know you were joking about the election, Myles, but it made me realize that I have not heard anything about the upcoming election at all. And it's wonderful! I thought my FB would be bombarded with my republican/Christian friends raving about something political, but it hasn't been. I do have the hardcore folk unsubscribed, though, so that might be why it's so politically quiet on there. There is an election in November this year, right?

I was just in the kitchen tidying up and saw some tiny little fly insects flying around the peaches I had bought to make a cobbler and I looked and one of the peaches was covered in fuzzy mold, so I threw them all away. Ew ew ew. I looked up a recipe for cobbler and when I saw how many calories are in one serving, it kind of put me off the whole thing any way (600 calories per serving, 8 servings per dish!!!!)

My DH has been a bit miffed at his sis and BIL. They always ask DH's mom and dad to go with them on vacation. They say it's to get his parents away to relax, but all DH's parents do is babysit for them when they go away, so me and DH just kind of shake our heads at them. So, any how. We all went on that cruise together in April this year and the weather was absolutely crap (and that is one of the best things about being away from Britain sometimes-the weather), so we all feel a little cheated by that, so SIL and BIL would like to do another vacation in August. SIL wants the in-laws to go with them to somewhere like Spain, which will be roasting hot by then. My FIL has a skin condition; the simplest way to explain it is that he's allergic to the sun. I don't think that's his official diagnosis, but he has to be completely covered from head to toe when it's sunny outside and the heat also makes him break out in a rash. So, we think it's very selfish of her to ask them to go away with them 1. because all they want are babysitters as BIL has said he'd "like a nice, relaxing vacation." (Tell me, how do you do that with 3 kids, really!) and 2. to ask my in-laws to go somewhere hot like that when they know what FIL is like in the heat. We have been away in Spain before and FIL was pretty miserable wearing jeans and long-sleeved shirts and a hat in 100 degree weather. MIL has suggested we all rent a cottage and go somewhere south of London since it is nice down that way, but I think my SIL will snub that because she likes to keep up with the clique of mums at school who all go on vacations in Europe 2 or 3 times a year. We've said we'll go if it's stay-cation type thing, but there's no way we can afford to go to Europe right now.

[missychrissy]

That is pretty selfish of them. What is with people? Do they even hear themselves sometimes? Will you in-laws go even if they don't want to? It seems to me like they could just say no...and they should. I'd hate to think of them going along just to keep peace or be nice. They should be able to have fun too, and it doesn't sound like FIL will be able to if they go to Spain.

[Inca]

Just wanted to pop in and say hi. I told you I'm bad with NETs, but also I just haven't been on the forum much lately. Miss you all!

[AmeriBrit]

My in-laws never say no to my SIL; it's one of those things that they've never done it and I don't think they ever will. They do all sorts for her that they don't enjoy. When her husband is away, they have to take SIL's kids to their swimming lessons (all 3 of them!) and it's such a toll on them both (they are both mid-60's) but SIL still asks them to do it when BIL is not around because she won't not go since she pays through the nose for private lessons. Last week, she made, well, not made them but 'asked' them to go with her on a bus trip with all 3 kids and her husband was there but my MIL complained to me that once they were on the bus, BIL didn't have anything to do with his own kids and they (my in-laws) had to deal with 3 kids who are 4 and under.

Liz, it's good to see you on here. I have been wondering how you are doing. (hugs)

[missychrissy]

Liz

Oh that's terrible Ash. Your poor in-laws.

[girlwonder]

Hi Liz! I was thinking about you the other day and hoping you were doing okay.

Ash - your IL's are being too nice. I can't believe they would consider going to Spain with his skin condition!

After reading the article posted in NMMIG (by Suja?), I oversaw JoJo making her oatmeal instead of making it myself for her. When she spilled I taught her how to vacuum it up instead of just doing it myself. I just directed everything from the side instead of having her be my little assistant. I am really kind of ashamed at how lazy I have been in teaching her to do things on her own. After reading about the three year old making cupcakes, I just realized that she can and should do a lot of these things by herself. And she was very proud of the oatmeal.