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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #32641

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    Aw, poor Savana. I don't think there's anything wrong with what you did, honey. Really, you'll have plenty of opportunities in the future to teach the importance of sticking diligently to something without forcing her out of her comfort zone. You showed respect for her feelings, and there's no other way of looking at it. Depending on her level of anxiety, I might have tried to hold her hand through the entire process of another class if that's at all possible. I don't know if they let you sit with her in the shelter, but if they allow it, it's something you might want to do with her next time. In Raising Happiness, the author talks about a dad who would always say "Let's see..." to his kids whenever it came to giving something unknown to them a try. "Let's see" was a form of happiness she encouraged parents to practice with their kids, as it overlays positive feelings about the future and openness to the good experiences that could come out of it. I wonder if having Savana express what hopes she has for an experience would help her enter into "the unknown" more positively. Again, though, mama, I think your choice was sound.

  2. #32642

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    Yipes, C! Yes, I do hope your brother does get some form of punishment for his actions. Something needs to force him to change his ways. Hang in there, girl!

  3. #32643
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    I agree with Myles, Bridget! (Myles, you are so wise!)

    Christina, I'm sending some good vibes your way; I hope your brother's issues don't bring you down too much. (Hugs)

    DH is watching the England soccer game and it is the most boooooooring thing ever! Have y'all ever seen the episode of The Simpsons where they go to watch a soccer game and it's all just in the center field going back and forth....that's what soccer is like! Blech.

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    Well Bridget, you did let her quit on this one....which is ok sometimes. But it's not like you always let her quit stuff when she wants to. I know school at times was a struggle this year but she stuck with that.
    Was the class expensive? it sounds like she knows you paid for that.....could you maybe her help a little extra at home to "work off" what the class cost? As a way to help learn that it's ok to change your mind but the consequence is sometimes losing money.
    It's a hard one....I'm inclined to not allowing quitting without a good reason. I took viola for years and at times I did hate it. Practicing wasn't always fun but hard and frustrating. But at other times, getting a piece down was so rewarding and it was also often very fun. But on the other hand, I think I would probably cut more slack with the all the anxiety issues.
    Last edited by Cosmosmom; 06-19-2012 at 02:46 PM.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  5. #32645
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    Christina, are you still doing WW? My class from work is almost done so I signed back up.


    Anyone else see this headline that came out yesterday http://vitals.msnbc.msn.com/_news/20...g-alcohol?lite

    I think I was getting close to that (and another friend who had surgery after I did has hadthe same issue). I never drank until after the surgery...only a few times before it. Started probably a little closer to the 2 yr post op mark. Was once in a while and I got buzzed FAST....after a few sips tops. Got to eventually be an every single night thing a few years ago until recently....not surprisingly it coincides with the infertility. Duh, can see why I gained weight. I stopped buying it after I started the diet and had it on vacation. I tried after we got back to get a bottle of vodka for us to have a few drinks on weekends. But I have NO self control....if it's in the house, I will end up drinking 2-4 drinks at night no matter what I say in the morning. I'm fine if it's not in the house....so basically we can no longer keep it in the house.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  6. #32646

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    Bridget, that's a tough situation because you either let her stop taking the classes and show her that you care about her feelings (not to mention let her have control of her own life, which is pretty important too), or you push her to continue in the hope that she realizes she has a capability and strength she didn't know she had. Either way you would be doing 'the right thing' so try not to second guess yourself... you're an awesome momma!

    As far as her feeling anxiety about the class, maybe the immediate commitment to several weeks of classes (without being able to try it out as a new experience first) is causing some anxiety issues to crop up. I'm just thinking that feeling a lack of control does seem to contribute OCD issues.

    If you could find an art class for her where she could try it out first and then have her make a decision by herself if she wants to continue based on that experience (without any pressure of knowing her mom will lose money if she doesn't like it), she might have an easier time relaxing and deciding if she really does like the class/teacher/experience.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  7. #32647
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    Quote Originally Posted by AbbeysMom View Post
    Bridget, that's a tough situation because you either let her stop taking the classes and show her that you care about her feelings (not to mention let her have control of her own life, which is pretty important too), or you push her to continue in the hope that she realizes she has a capability and strength she didn't know she had. Either way you would be doing 'the right thing' so try not to second guess yourself... you're an awesome momma!
    I totally agree with this. I didn't want to let Bobbie & Jesi quit softball when they were little, but after they begged at the 3rd practice I finally caved. I don't regret making them stick with it a little longer or finally letting them quit. In the end, I don't think it had an effect one way or another. One graduated high school and one quit. I doubt Jesi quit HS because I let her quit softball when she was 5. I could be wrong though....

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  8. #32648

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    I actually am a "Let's See" parent as well and so with my kids we mull over decisions for classes/sports/etc. In your situation Bridget, I don't think letting her quit is that big of a deal. I would make her do some sort of special chores or something though to make up for the money. Even though I'm not extremely money focused, Ky knows that if we committ to something he must follow through or he will have to do some sort of chores to work off the amount of money I spent on that activity. Also, Savana is still really young and I would employe the "Let's see" method more with her because little kids are really implulsive. I would also try to find a way for her to try things out for free or ask if you can pay for one or two sessions that she can go to in the future to see how she will like it before making the full committment. I know some organizations don't do this and in that case I try to find the cheapest alternative.

    But I really didn't become a stickler with Ky until he was around 8-9 years old. He had been asking to take guitar lessons for years, since he was 5 but I kept saying "we'll see" or "let's see" and I would tell him how hard it could be learning to play an instrument and how he would not know how to play a rift or chord immediately or any songs, that it would be awkward, and that it would take a long time for him to be able to play a song. He finally took lessons when he was 8 I think, maybe 9 and he wanted to quit after the first two classes but we had already made an agreement that he would stick it out for 12 weeks, meaning he would practice for 30 minutes at least 3-4 times per week and participate in class for the full term. He made it through, even with the ugly faces when I told him it was time to practice and he did learn to play some songs but he never wants to do it again now because it was "too hard." That was disappointing to me as I loved playing the instruments I played as a kid but I figure if he wants to do it again at least he knows that he is expected to follow through. I had to buy a guitar for him to use and the class wasn't that expensive, but I feel that from 3rd grade on up that kids should be more responsible about committments and I do expect them to follow through. Even with the baseball this year, due to it being such a cost and time committment for the whole family, I let Ky know that he would have to play 2 years of baseball and that he could not quit and had to do his best. Luckily he has liked it and is even enjoying the baseball camp this summer. He promised me he would give it his all if I paid all the money and he knows how much money we had to pay (it was a LOT of money IMO, over $300 just to be on the team) and how we have to drive long distances and how much gas cost (he had a "project period" in school this past year where they figured out how much money it would cost to fill up their dream car and Ky's is a Hummer and he was floored by how much money it would cost to buy a tank of gas and it cracked me up that day when he was telling me "Mom! Did you know that to fill up your gas tank it will cost over $60!! I could buy a whole lot of toys for $60!) He still mentions gas costs to this day and I know that he took that into consideration when we signed up for baseball since the homefield is about 15 miles from where we live one way and in the city we usually don't drive outside of a 5 mile radius. All the away games were 30+ miles away.

  9. #32649
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    FIL is in really bad shape. It started last week with a fall, and he cut his toe. He went to the doctor and got it dressed. Two days later, he was in excruciating pain, went to my SIL's hospital, where they diagnosed him with cellulitis. Started IV antibiotics. They found out later the infection had led his diabetes to go put of control, then he started getting insulin. He was doing better, then on Sunday, he had an acute asthma attack, suspected cardiac asthma. Corticosteroids got that under control, and then we got a call at what would be 2:00 AM Indian time to say that he is vomiting blood. Suspected Esophageal varices, which is connected to the compromised liver he has, which likely got to be a real problem with the IV antibiotics, which likely increased the portal vein pressure, leading to the bleeding. Oh, and the original infection is not resolving. SIL sounded pretty down, saying that they plug one leak, and something else pops up, and she doesn't think he can recover from this.

    For those of you who are pre-diabetic or have loved ones who are, especially if it is due to weight, don't let this happen to you. You don't want to lose a loved one because the body couldn't handle a simple cut due to diabetes.

    Sorry about being such a downer.

  10. #32650

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    Oh, Suja. That sounds just awful. I am so sorry.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  11. #32651

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    , Suja. I'm so sorry. I hope that you start hearing some good news about him soon. What about your hubby? Is he going to go back to India to see him? It must be so terrible for him to hear about his father suffering.

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    I think he will have to go. He'll kill me if he finds out I'm posting this, but he is in excruciating pain due to hemorrhoids flaring up (not sure that's what it is, but 3 weeks into it, he's finally going to see a specialist about it), and he cannot physically do a 24 hour airplane trip right now. He will regret it if he doesn't go and something happens to his dad, but he can't see past his physical pain right now. If it weren't for that, he would've already been on a plane. We're hoping the doctor can give him some temporary relief that would allow him to travel either tomorrow or the day after.

  13. #32653

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    I'm sorry Suja. I hope the doctor can help your DH so he can go see his Dad... that has to be really difficult to feel trapped due a medical issue.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  14. #32654
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    Suja, I'm so sorry. I hope your dh can get there.

    I always tried to say "we'll see" with my girls. Mostly because I didn't always want to say no, but I wasn't sure if we could afford a lot and didn't want to promise something and then break my promise. It kinda backfired though 'cause as they got older, Sydney especially would get upset when I answered with a 'we'll see'. There's no winning with teens.

    Jesi posted this on facebook, "Thank you so much for making me realize marriage is a huge waste of time, and that no matter what you do for someone, they'll still find a reason to leave.. No matter how much you beg them, or how much you need them.."

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  15. #32655

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    Oh, Chrissy. Jesi sounds like she's in such pain. I'm sorry she's lashing out like that. Every little hurt is so magnified at that age. I suppose it's not the best time to argue or defend your decisions. Could you maybe respond by telling her that you're doing what's best for you, with no wish to harm anyone else, and that you love her unconditionally (as I know you do). Even if it just can't click in her mind in her present emotional state, later, when she matures and looks back on this period in her life, she'll remember how her mother stood by her even when she was taking it out on you?

    Erin, I think it's so common for a kid to want to stop doing things when they think it's too hard, just like you described with Ky. I recently had another mom friend who said that if she agreed to guitar lessons for her kid, he had to stick with it for at least a year too. Both your children are older, so I'm starting to realize that this is a hurdle I'm going to come up against at some point, and I'm glad we're talking about this now while I have years to prepare. For now, I'm trying to teach Bodhi how to have a "beginner's mind". Whenever he points out something as hard, I give a little cheer, like "hooray, here's something more we can do!". Then if he truly is struggling with it, I try to break down the effort into something simpler and the steps into something little more granular, like if he can't draw a race car, I'll say "ok, you draw the wheels and then I'll show you how to draw the body; watch me, and next time you do it." That way, he still had a hand in the finished product. I just want him to get comfortable with being bad at things at first, so he'll appreciate the feeling of actually getting better at stuff. He was not good at catching at all, so we started with scarves and plush toys, and then moved to a volleyball, and now he's pretty ok at catching tennis balls. When he starts to show signs of wanting to give up, I do try to remind him that he didn't know how to catch at first, but just like that, he can learn to do this new thing too.

    When I went to go see Christine Carter, the author of "Raising Happiness" speak, one parent asked what to do if a kid truly is naturally gifted at things, how to teach them to still put concerted efforts into things that don't come easy to them. She said to say, "Oh, that's too easy for you? Bummer. We have to find you something else to do."

    Speaking of which, when she wrote in the book about the dad who said "let's see", I meant he would use it as words of encouragement, as in "Let's see for ourselves what happens if you go ahead and give this a try, rather than basing your inaction on a guess." I think some of you might have interpreted "Let's see" in the other sense, where it's more of a "let's hold off for awhile while we think about this some more."

    Total tangent: All this "let's see" talk is reminding of my days working at Toyota. They had this principle, a Japanese phrase that sounded like "Gen ji gembutsu" (totally butchered that, btw). Literally translated, it meant "Look. Go. See." Basically, it was just part of the organizational culture that steps shouldn't be taken based on assumptions. If there was a particular pain point in a business process that needed to be addressed, they would encourage you to observe the problem in action first, even if it meant you had to travel offsite to watch and deepen your understanding of it before you devised a solution. I think it's a great policy, both personal and professional, not to make assumptions but to take the time to gather information before deciding anything.

    Plus, it's echoed in a little Toltec wisdom... ;)

    “Don’t Make Assumptions” - Don Miguel Ruiz

    We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. ... We make assumptions about what others
    are doing or thinking – we take it personally – then we blame them and react by sending out emotional
    poison with our word. That’s why whenever we make assumptions, we’re asking for problems. …
    All the sadness and drama you have lived in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things
    personally. Take a moment to consider the truth of this statement. ...

    We create a lot of emotional poison just by making assumptions and taking it personally, because usually
    we start gossiping about our assumptions. Remember, gossiping is the way we … transfer poison to one
    another. Because we are afraid to ask for clarification, we make assumptions, and believe we are right
    about the assumptions; then we defend our assumptions and try to make someone else wrong.
    We also make assumptions about ourselves, and this creates a lot of inner conflict. “I think I am able to
    do this.” You make this assumption, for instance, then you discover you aren’t able to do it. You
    overestimate or underestimate yourself because you haven’t taken the time to ask yourself questions and
    to answer them. ….

    The way to keep yourself from making assumptions is to ask questions. .. If you don’t understand, ask.
    Have the courage to ask questions until you are clear as you can be, and even then do not assume that you
    know all there is to know about a given situation. ….
    Yawn! Good night, ladies.
    Last edited by demigraf; 06-20-2012 at 01:37 AM.

  16. #32656
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    Suja, I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL; I hope your DH can get out to seem ASAP. We have a friend who has type 2 diabetes and it really frightens us how he doesn't take care of himself (diet-wise).

    Chrissy, I'm sorry Jesi put that as her FB status; just put it down to her age. Teens can be so cruel to their parents. I'd just try to ignore it. She'll realize one day that you were not as bad as she likes to think you are. (hugs)

    Yesterday Travis scraped his cheek just below his eye before school, so I informed his teacher about it so that she knew he hadn't done it at school. Then when I picked him up at the end of the day, he had a fat lip! He told me he hadn't told any of the teachers about it even though he was crying on the playground. I've noticed before that the ratio of kids to adults is very high at his school, but it's still upsetting to think that he was crying and no one helped him. He said he was too afraid to tell any of the teachers, so I told her this morning all about it. I was like, "Sorry, I know we had this discussion yesterday about Travis' injuries, but he got another yesterday at school." And showed her his lip. I told her that we'd talked about telling an adult if he ever gets hurt. He told me he did tell his cousin (they are in the same grade but different class groups) and he had said to him, "Stop crying, Travis." LOL. That's one 4 year old to another for ya. I'm just hoping he doesn't do anytning else to himself today.

    My MIL and FIL lost a friend to cancer this week; I was there when they got the phone call that he'd passed away. It was terrible. I didn't know what to do, so we talked about him and how they'd only just saw him the week before at the hospital and he didn't seem so bad. I felt bad afterwards that I hadn't like given them a hug or anything, but I am so awkward in emotional situations like that. I texted my MIL later to tell her that I didn't mean to come off as cold and she said she was fine, but I wish I could be better in those situations. But I'm one of those people who once someone hugs me when I'm upset, I just reduce down to a puddle of tears.

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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Total tangent: All this "let's see" talk is reminding of my days working at Toyota. They had this principle, a Japanese phrase that sounded like "Gen ji gembutsu" (totally butchered that, btw). Literally translated, it meant "Look. Go. See." Basically, it was just part of the organizational culture that steps shouldn't be taken based on assumptions. If there was a particular pain point in a business process that needed to be addressed, they would encourage you to observe the problem in action first, even if it meant you had to travel offsite to watch and deepen your understanding of it before you devised a solution. I think it's a great policy, both personal and professional, not to make assumptions but to take the time to gather information before deciding anything.

    Plus, it's echoed in a little Toltec wisdom... ;)



    Yawn! Good night, ladies.
    How was Toyota to work for as a company? That philosophy sounds great. I wish those in the higher chambers actually came down to have a look see before making some of the decisions they do.

    Quote Originally Posted by AmeriBrit View Post
    Suja, I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL; I hope your DH can get out to seem ASAP. We have a friend who has type 2 diabetes and it really frightens us how he doesn't take care of himself (diet-wise).

    Chrissy, I'm sorry Jesi put that as her FB status; just put it down to her age. Teens can be so cruel to their parents. I'd just try to ignore it. She'll realize one day that you were not as bad as she likes to think you are. (hugs)

    Yesterday Travis scraped his cheek just below his eye before school, so I informed his teacher about it so that she knew he hadn't done it at school. Then when I picked him up at the end of the day, he had a fat lip! He told me he hadn't told any of the teachers about it even though he was crying on the playground. I've noticed before that the ratio of kids to adults is very high at his school, but it's still upsetting to think that he was crying and no one helped him. He said he was too afraid to tell any of the teachers, so I told her this morning all about it. I was like, "Sorry, I know we had this discussion yesterday about Travis' injuries, but he got another yesterday at school." And showed her his lip. I told her that we'd talked about telling an adult if he ever gets hurt. He told me he did tell his cousin (they are in the same grade but different class groups) and he had said to him, "Stop crying, Travis." LOL. That's one 4 year old to another for ya. I'm just hoping he doesn't do anytning else to himself today.

    My MIL and FIL lost a friend to cancer this week; I was there when they got the phone call that he'd passed away. It was terrible. I didn't know what to do, so we talked about him and how they'd only just saw him the week before at the hospital and he didn't seem so bad. I felt bad afterwards that I hadn't like given them a hug or anything, but I am so awkward in emotional situations like that. I texted my MIL later to tell her that I didn't mean to come off as cold and she said she was fine, but I wish I could be better in those situations. But I'm one of those people who once someone hugs me when I'm upset, I just reduce down to a puddle of tears.
    Ash, I'm so sorry. I'm like that too. I'm generally ok till someone asks me if I'm ok. Or they hug me. Because of that, I prefer my space when I'm really upset. And because of THAT, I'm not really one to hang around someone when they've just experienced a loss. It's not due to lack of caring by any means. If I'm close to the person that's hurting, I'll shed tears for them in my car...but I won't be calling/going over all the time. This bugs me about myself because I know that when someone in that position really needs something, even when you say, "If you need anything, give me a call" they won't do it. I talked to Jamie a lot when the father of her kids died, even the kids too, but I still look back and wish I'd done more. But every time I thought about going over or calling her, I was afraid she was with his family or perhaps had finally gotten to sleep. I worried more about being an annoyance than I was proactive in actually being supportive. I suck.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  18. #32658

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    Suja, My FIL has been in a constant diabetes/infection battle for years now. He's had 2 or 3 surgeries to remove parts of his feet/toes. He also has had two other major surgeries for a broken patella and hip and they just get infected over and over again. He does not take care of himself, he drinks, eats poorly, etc. He's young-ish (61 I think) and it's so sad to see him go through this over and over again. He's got something else going on right now that they are trying to diagnose, possibly liver related. I hope your FIL pulls through and that DH can get over there to see him.
    AKA Lisa724

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    Suja, at the very least, he could sit on an inflatable donut for the flight. Is he sure it's hemorrhoids and not a fissure or something? I'm glad he's seeing a specialist, but if he has any kind of a treatment now he's probably going to be in pain for a little while longer and may be recommended to not sit for prolonged periods. I imagine he's already done all the OTC meds possible.

    I'm really sorry to hear about your FIL.

    Chrissy, what an awful thing to read on FB. Yuck.

    I've been having computer and time problems so I have been unable to respond to everything before having to leave to go on to the next thing. Now I have to get ready for work.


  20. #32660

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    Oh Suja, so sorry about your FIL. I am so afraid of diabetes. I'm lucky in that it is not prevalent in my family, only one of my great aunts (my great grandma's sister so I think that is a great aunt) has had Type II. But my grandma was prediabetic and I am always afraid I will get it since it is more common for black people. It is one of the main reasons why I decided to focus on health this year because I don't want to develop it. Luckily grandma never progressed to be a diabetic, she just made sure to start an exercise routine and she stopped eating so many baked treats (her mom was a baker and always had baked treats around so she grew up craving sweets, similar to me, which is a reason why I have really cut out on baked things). She eventually got cancer so her prediabetes diagnosis took a back seat to that.

    I hope your DH gets some relief. I also was wondering if it may be a fissure. My mom had one and it was so horrible for her. She had to have a fissurectomy.

    Erin

  21. #32661
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    Chrissy. That is an annoying thing for her to say. Not that it is her fault but does she have any idea the kind of stress she placed on you and the marriage with all that crap she's pulled the last, what year and a half or two years? I mean certainly didn't help matters.
    But maybe you could tell her that when someone is looking from the outside, they don't really understand a relationship between the two who are actually in it.


    On diabetes....it's been interesting how often I have coming to my attention that weight isn't the big thing with it anymore. It doesn't help of course but that they are finding many people who are "skinny obese" or "normal weight obese". So their BMI is fine but due to an awful diet and lack of exercise, they are just as much at risk for diabetes as the overweight person....and in some cases more. Stuff like that tends to catch my eye because it affects me. My grandpa was diabetic....and eventually didn't have either leg. Two of his sons, are diabetic....my uncle is actually insulin dependent and has lost an eye because of the disease (though with keeping track of his sugars carefully, has done fine with knee and hand surgeries). My father is diabetic.
    I'm overweight and will never be thin. I mean I had gastric bypass and was still a plus size.....and I was so hardcore following the rules during the time post-op (first 18 months) when the majority of weight loss occurs. I favor my dad's side in body type strongly. So I know I'm at a huge risk for diabetes. I'm currently working to lose some weight...even though I don't think I could ever be thin, I can be thinner than right now. Trying to get exercise in as a habit and we already do eat pretty healthy. switching to whole grains instead of refined carbs, don't eat much that is processed, tons of fruits and veggies (we both actually really like fruits and veggies and eat a variety of those daily). Mostly lean meat. Dairy could use some work....skim milk but we do like our cheese.....I mean we are from Wisconsin! And I have mostly decided to give up the alcohol and limit to a drink while out and we only eat out 1-2 times a month.
    So far my blood pressure is good, my sugars are good and my cholesterol is good. Hopefully I can keep that up as I get older and it won't be my future.

    Sad thing, is for a lot of type 2's that are diabetic and overweight, losing a small amount can make a big difference....I think that they said 5%.

    Anyway Suja, I hope your FIL can pull through and that they can give something to your DH to enable him to make the trip!

    Ash, you have a great relationship with your inlaws and I'm sure that MIL didn't think of you as coming off cold. Lots of people aren't touchy feely and into hugging others. I don't generally hug people much either.
    Last edited by Cosmosmom; 06-20-2012 at 09:15 AM.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  22. #32662

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    Ash, mama, I would feel sad too thinking Bodhi was crying and not getting any help for anybody. maybe the silver lining is that he learned a teensy amount of self-reliance yesterday?

    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    How was Toyota to work for as a company? That philosophy sounds great. I wish those in the higher chambers actually came down to have a look see before making some of the decisions they do.

    ... Ash, I'm so sorry. I'm like that too. I'm generally ok till someone asks me if I'm ok. Or they hug me. Because of that, I prefer my space when I'm really upset. And because of THAT, I'm not really one to hang around someone when they've just experienced a loss. It's not due to lack of caring by any means. If I'm close to the person that's hurting, I'll shed tears for them in my car...but I won't be calling/going over all the time. This bugs me about myself because I know that when someone in that position really needs something, even when you say, "If you need anything, give me a call" they won't do it. I talked to Jamie a lot when the father of her kids died, even the kids too, but I still look back and wish I'd done more. But every time I thought about going over or calling her, I was afraid she was with his family or perhaps had finally gotten to sleep. I worried more about being an annoyance than I was proactive in actually being supportive. I suck.
    It was a really good company to work for. They had excellent green practices. It was also very formal and structured. In my opinion, though, all that formal methodology they subscribed to (and paid through the nose for tools to stick everyone to) didn't make the company more efficient. More than anything, I think things got done well there because they had deep pockets and had the time and political will to measure 3 times and cut once. This was before the recall fiasco and the tsunami, and I imagine the company went through crisis at those times. I left the company just before that because Bodhi arrived. I even went to work on the day I went into labor. Ah, my last few weeks of pregnancy were my halcyon days of working there, having short-timers' disease knowing that I wasn't coming back, taking long naps in my car parked under a tree, dealing with big messy projects knowing that any day now that problem wasn't going to be mine. LOL.

    I think I'm probably a lot like you, in the wake of something really disturbing, I need to hole up and curl into a ball, and I otherwise move among people in a fog. When my friend recently had a loss, she sent out a mass e-mail on behalf of her and her husband that basically said, "Don't be afraid to ask us how we're doing. We want you to. We want your company and will need to talk to you to for a long time." I thought that was very helpful, and I felt very comfortable to be with her because of that.

  23. #32663
    Join Date
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    I love that feeling at work...the one where you know that no matter what you do, it's not going to be a big deal 'cause you'll be gone soon. I actually get even more productive during that phase. Or maybe it's braver? I still doubt myself a lot even though I do know what I'm doing.

    That was awesome that your friend thought to send that email out like that. I'm not sure everyone would have the presence of mind to do so. So many (myself included) really have a hard time asking for help. Even if it's just an ear or a hug. That's why I love this place so much. I feel ok sharing every nitty gritty detail here.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  24. #32664

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    Well, here's a big group for the heck of it for all my friends in this place.

    Hey, maybe one of you guys know this. What's the name of that simple pasta sauce that is mostly olive oil, with garlic, chopped tomatoes and basil in it? I made it last night over spaghetti squash, but couldn't for the life of me remember the Italian name for it. It was good, but I think I would have enjoyed it a little bit more if I knew the schmancy name of the sauce, so I could pretend I was eating in some restaurant and ordered it off the menu. Anyone?
    Last edited by demigraf; 06-20-2012 at 11:29 AM.

  25. #32665
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
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    Avoiding Work
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    Suja I am so sorry about your FIL I hope that DH can get some relief so that he can go see him.
    Jennifer I am still doing WW somewhat. I stopped paying for it monthly, because I found a free point calculator and well I am cheap I am tracking with MFP now to make sure that I am getting enough iron and protein, while tracking my points at the same time. I did pretty good and lost 10pds, but I seem to have stalled I’ve been trying to up my exercise, but it is proving to be difficult. It’s either raining or Nolan doesn’t feel well or like Monday I fell and busted my legs all up so I am in a lot of pain. It’s frustrating. Having the gazelle does help, it’s definitely not as good as my walk (that is primarily up and down inclines pushing Nolan), but it IS something at least. My pants are getting looser for sure, but the scale isn’t moving
    Chrissy, I hate that Jesi feels that way I just want to go to her and forcibly give her a big old hug. It is obvious she is in pain and I know that the sting of the things she is saying has to hurt you She will understand, one day
    Ash that is so sad about your in-laws friend I never know how to react in those kinds of situations

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  26. #32666

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    Thanks for all the support regarding Savana quitting her class. It makes me feel better. Dbf is pissed. But just about the money. I actually thought about having her come up with a way to pay back the money. Although, truth be told, I don't think at 6 I'd have even put that burden on her but she heard dbf going on about it so that is why she mentioned it. I want her to be able to remedy that instead of carrying around guilt about it.

    Christine, can't cops always find "reasonable doubt". I've never had to deal with it myself but had plenty of boyfriends, friends, family members in similar situations as your brother and that defense never seemed to hold up well. I don't think I commented before but I am with the camp of not bailing him out. Is he mad at you for that? I hope not.

    We have a nest of birds above our living room window (outside obvi). The babies just hatched last week and it's been a great source of wonderment for us watching the daddy and mama protect and feed the babies. I have to say that when I saw them creating their home there, I had my worries as it's a very old nest that hadn't been used for the past 2 years. But who am i to question a bird? Well this morning dbf called to me where I was in the driveway with 8 children to tell me that the nest broke. Sure enough, 2 of the babies were on the ground under the nest and the mama and papa were frantic screaming and diving and bringing them food. If you've never experienced this sort of catastrophe with 8 children, I highly recommend it They all started freaking out with crazed compassion. "THEY AREN'T OLD ENOUGH TO SURVIVE! THE CATS WILL EAT THEM! WE HAVE TO SAVE THEM!"
    I won't lie, dbf and I were a bit crazed as well. I put on a hooded sweatshirt and gloves in the 90 degree heat because the mama and papa were dive bombing us something fierce. I kept picking them up and puttint them in the basket that we had decided we were going to hang from the roof next to the nest so they could relocate but they just kept jumping back out. Meanwhile, Sawyer is crying while about 1/2 children try to make him laugh and the other half of the children are screaming at me not to hurt the birds and are they ok, are they ok, are they ok???????
    Finally we decided to put them in a birdhouse attached to the front yard fence. It's only a few feet from the nest. So the 2 are in there and the others are in the 1/2 nest remaining. At first the mama and papa were not going in but they seem to be now. I hope they all survive. I kind of wish we could just move them all into the house so no one else falls but maybe the 'rents will repair the nest? In either case, Savana is really hoping a reason will come up that we need to actually bring the baby birds into our house. I told her dbf would have to chew up worms to feed to them and she was like, "Ok!" It was quite a rescue mission and the children were absolutely overjoyed we did it.
    Last edited by Bridget; 06-20-2012 at 12:40 PM.

  27. #32667
    Join Date
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    The main problem seems to be that the owner of the vehicle that they entered, where they found the things they are charging J with, (which was not the cause for them coming out since it is literally sitting on blocks and they were called out for a vehicle doing wheelies in the road) did not give permission for them to enter it (actually said individual wasn't even there). That is just my interpretation of my moms interpretation of what J told her (like I said, not 100% reliable when it comes through that many sources )

    OMG! How crazy that must have been! Thankfully ya'll were there to help those poor birdies!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  28. #32668

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    I know! I said, "What can we do?" and dbf said, "Nothing. It's nature. It happens in the woods and no one is there to help."
    I'm like well, yeah but....we're here to help. I dared him to do nothing while the kids looked on. He was afraid the mama and papa would peck him. Tough guy.
    He built me a front porch! Granted, the lake is in the back and we have a big beautiful deck but the play yard is in the front and where I hang with the kids and I LOVE front porches.

  29. #32669

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    I hope the little birdies survive the ordeal, bridget! It's a lucky opportunity to let the kids watch nature at work.

    Do you mean that M just recently built you a new front porch? Lucky girl.

    Christina, it sounds like your brother has a chance to get his case dropped if it stemmed from an illegal search. Are you still hoping he gets some form of punishment to be taught a lesson?

  30. #32670

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    He's finishing it now!

    ...and it looks like those birds were actually trying to leave the nest and forge out on their own! lol!!! We thought since the nest was broken that it was an accident but I noticed that the mama wasn't feeding the ones in the bird house so i took it apart and tried to move them to the nest and they promptly jumped out. Oooops!

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