Secular Confessions

[missychrissy]

What a sweetheart!

Erin, even though I'm in town, I'm on a very quiet street. I don't hear anything when I'm in my apartment. You wouldn't even know there was a family with children downstairs. Either they're never home, or they're exceptionally quiet. I'm very self-conscious about walking across my floor for fear I sound like an elephant stomping through. But there's very little traffic. It's the kind of street where kids run across to each others places all the time, so it's something else for me to think about as I drive through. For all that it's quiet, there is a lot of poverty all around me. Everyone seems nice, but I'm not taking any chances. For the first time ever, I'm locking my doors and alarming my car every time I leave it. I'm not afraid, but it's the kind of area where if I have 50 cents in my center console and the door was unlocked, they'd take it.

[Bridget]

Chrissy, what an adustment!

We had a nice weekend. It was hot so I filled the wading pool and Savana and Kai were in and out of that. I am really enjoying them getting older. I can let them roam free outside from the front to the back yard and to the driveway and they are so good about always asking before they leave one area so I always know where they are but I don't have to watch them every moment. Thank goodness because Sawyer is a busy little dude. He takes every chance to get into absolutely anything. Exhausting!
Savana and Kai are up and dressed and outside before I even have breakfast ready and I have to call them in to eat and go to bed. I love that our property allows for that.

Christine! I finally made the sunscreen tonight. It's a new recipe so test it first and I'll let you know how it works on mine too. I actually added rose geranium oil and lavender oil to the lotion since ticks and mosquitos do not like the smell. I thought, why not? Do you think Nolan's skin will be sensitive to the oils? PM me your address!

[missychrissy]

Speaking of sunscreen...I totally forgot that last year I suddenly had dark spots appear on my upper lip after being in the sun so it looks like I have a mustache. I remembered when it happened again this year.

[Bridget]

I got that while pregnant! It faded but what didn't fade is the brown splotch on my forehead. It comes out when I get sun exposure to my face. I almost always wear a sun hat now.

[missychrissy]

Hmm...I wonder what causes that? I wasn't (and I'm not) pregnant, so it can't be that. At least not for me. It's probably hormone related somehow.

[AmeriBrit]

Wow, L, that diaper story is just....eeew! I seem to always be cleaning up poo lately. Cash poos more than anyone I know and a lot of times, it's quite loose, so at least once a week, he has a leak and I have to shower him down while trying not to gag!

Chrissy, that sounds like a big adjustment. (hugs)

Today I did a morning of volunteering with a nursery class at school; the kids are 3.5 to 4.5 years old. It was funny; the girls all stuck to me, like, "Oooh, a new person!" And they kept asking me to play games with them and I realized how much of a boy parent I am as I was like, "Shall we play cars, or airplanes or pirates?" And they were like, "Let's play Hello Kitty or babies." LOL. It was lovely, though.

I have to order Travis some more school trousers; his are starting to look like high-waters. I can't believe how much he's grown! My little bug.

[Smplyme89]

Christine! I finally made the sunscreen tonight. It's a new recipe so test it first and I'll let you know how it works on mine too. I actually added rose geranium oil and lavender oil to the lotion since ticks and mosquitos do not like the smell. I thought, why not? Do you think Nolan's skin will be sensitive to the oils? PM me your address!

Cool! I don't think he'll have a problem with the oils. I'll PM you in a bit

It's funny because DH and I just talked about this on Saturday. We were going to a little girls "pool" party and he was all huffy with me because I hadn't made the sunscreen yet. I told him I was waiting for one of the internet mamas to try it out and let me know how she liked it and he just kind of looked at me like He thinks it's "weird" that I have relationships with people via the internet

[AmeriBrit]

He thinks it's "weird" that I have relationships with people via the internet

My DH and I met online, so we know that the best of friends are made on the Internet!

[missychrissy]

Rich didn't get it for a while. In fact, one of our more serious arguments happened when he'd been drinking and got that cold edge to him and he snapped at me and said he didn't give a sh!t about people on the internet. It's probably one of the most hurtful things he'd said to me in the last 15 years. He later apologized but that never took the sting out for me. I've always thought since that that's how he really feels and he just pretends to care in an attempt to kiss my ass.

[Smplyme89]

Ok. So I go walking everyday after work and in the evening time on the weekends, when its cooler. Well, since I have started walking there is this truck that is usually driving around full of some guys (I see them at least 3-4dys during the week). Everytime they pass me they whistle and holler, regardless of whether I am pushing Nolan or with my mom or by myself. I figured if I didn't give them a reaction that they would just get bored with it and stop. Well, they haven't and it's been over a month now! It really irks me. I think that whistling and carrying on like that is extremely disrespectful and not at all flattering (this is just how I feel about it on a personal level).

Is it just me or is it completely rude?? DH just tells me to ignore them unless they try to stop and talk to me or something. I don't know, I'm just tired of their crap and it gets frustrating havign to deal with it nearly everyday. Stupid punks

[Smplyme89]

My DH and I met online, so we know that the best of friends are made on the Internet!

That is so sweet!

Rich didn't get it for a while. In fact, one of our more serious arguments happened when he'd been drinking and got that cold edge to him and he snapped at me and said he didn't give a sh!t about people on the internet. It's probably one of the most hurtful things he'd said to me in the last 15 years. He later apologized but that never took the sting out for me. I've always thought since that that's how he really feels and he just pretends to care in an attempt to kiss my ass.

That's not nice

I don't talk to DH about you ladies specifically. It's none of his business He does know that I get alot of advice, guidance, and help from you ladies and I think he likes that portion of it, even if he doesn't understand it. If that makes sense! He knows that I have a hard time connecting with woman in general (I'm sorry, but the majority I know are backstabbing b*tches). He isn't very "techy" in general though. His biggest achievement on a computer is being able to get online and successful stumble upon google so he can find something

[AmeriBrit]

Christina, is there any chance that your DH could go on some of your walks some time and maybe they'd get the picture and leave you alone? It sounds like they are being jerks; I can't believe they've kept at it after not getting a reaction for so long.

[Ky'sMom]

Christina, is there any chance that your DH could go on some of your walks some time and maybe they'd get the picture and leave you alone? It sounds like they are being jerks; I can't believe they've kept at it after not getting a reaction for so long.

I was thinking this as well Christina. That would really irk me. I would be hesitant to say something by myself though. Here in Atlanta men are very aggressive and I actually have been frightened of them when I politely asked them not to goggle at me or make noises and that it felt uncomfortable, even normal looking (not homeless) guys and they would get really agressive and call me a B and start to follow and heckle me, so I don't really say anything to men who do that anymore. I will tell DH and he will go find them and set them straight.

I don't talk about you ladies all that specifically either with DH. I don't know what he thinks about my "internet friends" but he does know that I talk to you and that you are FB friends of mine so that if something ever happens to me he can let you know.

Erin

[AmeriBrit]

DH knows about y'all; I call ya my APA ladies.

I forgot to mention a conversation I heard between 2 kids today, fighting over the same toy:
Kid1: "You're not my friend anymore."
Kid2: "You're not my friend anymore either. I'm going to tell my dad."
Kid1: "Your dad is a naughty mister; he's drunk all the time and says mean things to everybody."
Kid2: "Yeah, I know."

I didn't know how to respond, so I was just like, "Come on, girls, let's all be friends now." Aieee...the things kids say at school.

[Smplyme89]

DH was actually with me yesterday when they did it. He was kind of off to the side though (took Nolan to go look at some plant or something), so maybe they didn't see him. I figured if I ignored them they would stop, but nope. They look like a bunch of younger guys (I'm thinking 17-20ish). It actually just dawned on me that my brother might know them. I'll have to get a better look at them next time they come by. If they know me through him, they might think it's ok to do that. If they are friends of his I will go promptly kick some a$$ for being disrespectful!

I have never been one to get nervous in regards to men. My only reservation would be that I walk with Nolan most of the time. Me, myself, would not hold anything back I don't care how big and tough you are. Very few people actually have the capabilities (and not just the talk) to be violent. It's like the difference between a thief and a killer. There is a big gaping line there. Taunting someone and attacking someone take two totally different kinds of people.

Plus, this mama always has a knife on her

[Smplyme89]

DH knows about y'all; I call ya my APA ladies.

I forgot to mention a conversation I heard between 2 kids today, fighting over the same toy:
Kid1: "You're not my friend anymore."
Kid2: "You're not my friend anymore either. I'm going to tell my dad."
Kid1: "Your dad is a naughty mister; he's drunk all the time and says mean things to everybody."
Kid2: "Yeah, I know."

I didn't know how to respond, so I was just like, "Come on, girls, let's all be friends now." Aieee...the things kids say at school.

Wwwhaaa!!

I don't think I would know how to respond either....

[Bridget]

Dbf knows about y'all but I think he thinks we only talk about kids I feel like Erin in that I would want him to let you know if something happened to me.
Christine, I would absolutely have your dh come with you on the walk a few times. I don't agree with ingnoring behavior that is offensive. Ignoring it does not make it go away. It just lets them get away with it.
Ashley, if parents only knew what their kids talk about. Oy. We have had some very, very interesting conversations around here. I have learned never to pass judgement base on these conversations though because kids perceptions are so out there sometimes. Pretty funny stuff.

[missychrissy]

DH knows about y'all; I call ya my APA ladies.

I forgot to mention a conversation I heard between 2 kids today, fighting over the same toy:
Kid1: "You're not my friend anymore."
Kid2: "You're not my friend anymore either. I'm going to tell my dad."
Kid1: "Your dad is a naughty mister; he's drunk all the time and says mean things to everybody."
Kid2: "Yeah, I know."

I didn't know how to respond, so I was just like, "Come on, girls, let's all be friends now." Aieee...the things kids say at school.

I talk about my 'secular moms' I'll relay funny stories..sometimes I've had him come check out a particularly funny thread or pic. L's post with S upside down in his crib would have been one of them.

Kids are brutally honest!

Dbf knows about y'all but I think he thinks we only talk about kids I feel like Erin in that I would want him to let you know if something happened to me.

Absolutely. Rich or my girls better let people know if something happened to me.

Christina, I'd just continue to ignore it. That kind of stuff doesn't bother me and in fact I don't even notice it any more when it happens. The only reason I'm aware that it does still happen occasionally is because my girls will get pissed about it because they do notice. No one should be checking out their Mama!!

[Suja]

Christina, with some people, it doesn't stop, unfortunately. That used to happen ALL the time when I was in college. Thankfully, there was a language barrier, and my friend who understood said that I'm better off not knowing what they were saying. It either stopped after a loooong time, or it stopped registering.

So, I found a deer tick crawling on me the other day, and decided to do a tick check on the kid, since we had been outside together. I was checking her privates, and she asked me what the "pink thing" was. I told her that it was her labia and clitoris, and part of her private parts. She flipped out and started crying, saying that she didn't want the pink thing, and asking where her penis was. I told her that her pink thing is where her pee came from, and because she's a girl, she doesn't have a penis (we've had that talk many, many times). Upshot of it is that she does not want to look between her legs. When she brings up the "pink thing", her lips are quivering, and her eyes well up. Not quite sure what to do about this.

[raspberry]

L, that picture of S is too funny, I love it!

My dh knows all about apa, he knows how much help I've received here from pregnancy on...when I have a question about G, he will ask what do your mother's say?

Bridget, I'd love to know about the sunscreen recipe!!! I need something new, the newest one I got for my face that supposedly does not cause breakouts, well it did on my chin. ughh.

Gilly had a sleepover at my sister's house this weekend. On the topic of kids will say anything, G told my sister I have really prickly legs LOL! He will come up to me and rub my legs and tell me I am prickly like a porcupine. heh

I just started reading the book Let's Pretend this Never Happened by Jenny Lawson http://www.amazon.com/Lets-Pretend-T...7610759&sr=8-1 she is The Bloggess, if you have heard of her. I was laughing so hard I woke up dh last night. She grew up in rural Texas, her stories of her childhood are hilarious!!

[Ky'sMom]

DH knows about y'all; I call ya my APA ladies.

I forgot to mention a conversation I heard between 2 kids today, fighting over the same toy:
Kid1: "You're not my friend anymore."
Kid2: "You're not my friend anymore either. I'm going to tell my dad."
Kid1: "Your dad is a naughty mister; he's drunk all the time and says mean things to everybody."
Kid2: "Yeah, I know."

I didn't know how to respond, so I was just like, "Come on, girls, let's all be friends now." Aieee...the things kids say at school.

That is so cute and funny!

L, that picture of S is too funny, I love it!

My dh knows all about apa, he knows how much help I've received here from pregnancy on...when I have a question about G, he will ask what do your mother's say?

Bridget, I'd love to know about the sunscreen recipe!!! I need something new, the newest one I got for my face that supposedly does not cause breakouts, well it did on my chin. ughh.

Gilly had a sleepover at my sister's house this weekend. On the topic of kids will say anything, G told my sister I have really prickly legs LOL! He will come up to me and rub my legs and tell me I am prickly like a porcupine. heh

I just started reading the book Let's Pretend this Never Happened by Jenny Lawson http://www.amazon.com/Lets-Pretend-T...7610759&sr=8-1 she is The Bloggess, if you have heard of her. I was laughing so hard I woke up dh last night. She grew up in rural Texas, her stories of her childhood are hilarious!!

This as well LOL!!

The mom of Elle's best friend at daycare is a Pre-K teacher and she said that her kids say all sorts of funny things. One though she said made her laugh and sad. She said she was reading a story to a little girl and the girl said she liked the book and wished she had it at home and so the teacher asks her if she has other books she likes. The girl said no, that her mom doesn't have money to buy books. Teacher says maybe her mother has to spend money on more important things and asks about stuff they buy (thinking maybe she'd say food/clothes or other necessities) and the girl says her mom buys "weave." She said it was funny but sad and it is sad. It reminds me of my youngest 2 nephews mom, they don't have books but she has her weave tightened up regularly (costs hundreds to $1000 if she gets a new one) eye lashes done, nails done, and new clothes for her and kids all the time but no books or educational trips or anything.

And Christina, I 'm usually not scared of guys either but I have had men literally get in my face and grab me and push me here. I have hit them as well all because they either asked me for some money or said something sexual to me and I didn't respond. It is a big issue here in certain areas of town where women are frequently basically assaulted, especially downtown. So I have what I call a "healthy" fear and make sure that I don't walk around downtown in more deserted areas.



Erin

[AbbeysMom]

Christina, guys hassling me on a walk with my LO would seriously annoy me. To me even it's meant to be "flattering" or whatever, it's just a weird power/control thing to make a woman feel like they are there to entertain them.

I live in a very sanitized area now, deep in the burbs, so we get a different type of a$$hole, like the kind who screams at you when your holding your toddler daughter because when you opened your car door it touched their new giant SUV, and 'made a mark' (Happened to me twice!). We also get the neighbor's husband who leers at teenage girls at the pool. An then there are openly racist and the bigoted people.

Back when I lived in DC and Boston I would run into guys like you're talking about Erin, especially on any form of mass transit/subway. I always went by the advice that a good guy friend gave me, "you have to out-crazy the crazies to get them to leave you alone." So if some guy grabbed at me or said anything I'd scream bloody murder, start hopping up and down and say all kinds of nonsensical things. It usually worked.

I wonder if doing that the next time I hear a neighbor someone say something bigoted would work, lol.

[missychrissy]

ooo...the car ding thing is a huge pet peeve with me. Maybe it's because my father was uber-uber fussy with his cars but I always make sure I park where there's no way I'm gonna ding someone else's car. It's like my worst fear. I don't know that I'd be very polite if someone banged my car and wasn't apologetic about it. Small dings turn into rust spots eventually...and at least my dad liked to keep his cars 10-15 years. Me, I don't have that kinda love but it's ingrained in me. I never, ever, never touch someones car except on the doorhandle.

[demigraf]

OMG, so many funny things to respond to this morning? Should I start with Ky's cousin's refrigerated diaper, or Mira's missing penis?

Christina, I agree that you should just ignore it. Don't even acknowledge it. They just want to get a rise out of you.

L, I'm so sorry about the poopy toilet water diaper trail. I wonder if it's something you'd have to include on the disclosures if you ever try to sell your house. LOL. BTW, where did you end up watching the eclipse last night? Bodhi was suddenly feverish and congested, so he stayed home while DH & I just took turns driving down to the beach and having a peek at the sun. I'm jealous of everybody's cool eclipse shadow photos that I'm seeing on FB, like... "here's the shadow of the eclipse on my child's face". Talk about a keeper!

I ran the Bay to Breakers 12k yesterday and saw at least a dozen penises. It's this 101 year old footrace from one end of San Francisco to the other, and people get dressed in costumes, throw tortillas, see bands along the way, drink along the way and, of course, some run it in the buff. Running naked I can understand, as it's a tradition. But running naked AND barefoot --- yeouch! I also never put 2 and 2 together that it's a race with a lot of drunk people that starts at 7 am in the morning. I myself was out of bed at 4:30. I don't know how people could drink that much alcohol so early.

Shelley, that looks like a good book.

Ash, I thought that was a really interesting conversation to overhear. I really like the way kids are so blunt with each other, and often are very thick-skinned about it. They say you make the best friends as a child, and that's probably due in part to how honest kids are with each other. I like it, but worry about Bodhi when he gets to that age because when kids are honest, they say things that are hard to hear, like "your dad's a drunkard" and they take it in stride, but need a lot of help processing the feelings that come with being told the truth like that. I wish I could be a fly on the wall for every one of B's conversations.

Chrissy, I hope the change keeps going smoothly for you. And I hope you get more sleep tonight.

[dana_renay]

It's hard to keep up here!

Chrissy - I hope you had a good first few nights in your new place and enjoyed your time with Syd. I also hope Rich was not too sad, although it would probably feel worse if he wasn't sad at all.

Bridget - I'd also be interested in the sunscreen recipe. Dae is so fair, and the evidence I've read says a lot of sunscreens on the market really aren't as effective or safe as advertised. I try to keep her covered, but it's just not possible all the time. I think it's nice that your kids have room to roam. I grew up in a rural area and we were turned loose all day every day to wander. Good memories.

Christina - I forget where you live. I've lived in small towns where eventually, some woman would have flagged these little jerks down to give them a good old-fashioned "what would your mother think about you being so disrespectful, is this how she taught you to treat ladies" bawling-out. But now I live in the city and the furthest I'd go, even feeling brave, would be flipping them the bird. And that would probably just egg them on. It's a shame when a person can't even walk down the dang street without being harassed.

Erin - Scary stories. I am not one to normally be intimidated by men, but it's stories like yours that help me to remember to always be aware and defensive in public. I am one of those who is always carrying my keys in the "claw formation" (poking out between my fingers) in case I need to use them to gouge out some attacker's eyeballs. Yes, I am a little nuts.

L - Funny stories about Baby S. My mom had to duct tape my sister's diapers on for a while. I hope this phase passes quickly for you. On the other hand, "Look at me, mommy! Look what I can do!". So cute. Maybe not to you when you're exhausted and annoyed and just want them to lay down and go the F to sleep. But hopefully someday you'll be able to look back and laugh.

I got a hydroponic gardening system for my birthday and I got it set up and went to get plants for it this weekend. I got tomatoes, a couple of different peppers, broccoli, strawberries, red cabbage and various herbs. I'm excited, but not very confident. I had expressed interest in the concept and DH took that and ran with it. But once he gave me the stuff, I started reading and it's all a bit complicated and overwhelming. I hope I don't kill all the plants.

[dana_renay]

Back when I lived in DC and Boston I would run into guys like you're talking about Erin, especially on any form of mass transit/subway. I always went by the advice that a good guy friend gave me, "you have to out-crazy the crazies to get them to leave you alone." So if some guy grabbed at me or said anything I'd scream bloody murder, start hopping up and down and say all kinds of nonsensical things. It usually worked.

This reminds me of some comedienne (maybe Whitney Cummings?) who talks about scratching your crotch and yelling loudly about having crabs if you feel someone is approaching you in a threatening manner. Hilarious concept.

[demigraf]

This ding talk reminds me of a time I was parked close to someone's car and had my hand over the spot that would have dug into my neighbor's paint job. Then I heard the window roll down and there was guy seated in the back: "Excuse me. Miss? I see you're being very careful not to scratch my vehicle, and that's awful nice of you. But this here vehicle's a piece of $#i+, so don't you worry too much about keeping it purty."

Molly, when did you live in Boston & DC? You think you know a gal...

My DH tends to refer to all friends I know through mothering boards & local clubs as "The Mommies". I overhear him telling his brother on the phone, "Oh, she's online talking to The Mommies right now" or "She's going out for a playdate with one of The Mommies".

What would you guys do in this situation?... my old friend, the drama queen I've talked about here before who lost custody of her child from overdosing on sleeping pills because she was mad that the baby daddy had a new girlfriend... the one who visited last year and acted like a spoilt, entitled houseguest who would say "feel free to push this stroller whenever you feel like it" as her way of asking me to push a stroller uphill for her, who was cold towards Bodhi, who ended up in our local ER with ovarian cysts only after she had DH & I watch her writhe and moan on the floor for 30 minutes refusing to go to ER because it would be too much trouble, and who in general brought this weird needy vibe into our house... well she had SUCH a great time during her stay last year that she wants to know what weekend she can come up and stay this year. After last year, though, DH & I decided she's not staying with us again. DH is particularly adamant about it. I feel she could use a supportive friend or a retreat. However, the 4 days she spent up here were a serious drain on the whole family. I don't know how to tell her our feelings in any honest sort of way. I am considering either saying we'll be out of town, or actually booking up every weekend with travel or activities just to not have to lie about being booked solid all summer. Perhaps I can plan to do something with her that doesn't involve her staying in our house. Would like to hear what you would do in my shoes. Please.

[AmeriBrit]

Myles, I'd suggest going somewhere with her, like a spa weekend or something.

[dana_renay]

What would you guys do in this situation?... my old friend, the drama queen I've talked about here before who lost custody of her child from overdosing on sleeping pills because she was mad that the baby daddy had a new girlfriend... the one who visited last year and acted like a spoilt, entitled houseguest who would say "feel free to push this stroller whenever you feel like it" as her way of asking me to push a stroller uphill for her, who was cold towards Bodhi, who ended up in our local ER with ovarian cysts only after she had DH & I watch her writhe and moan on the floor for 30 minutes refusing to go to ER because it would be too much trouble, and who in general brought this weird needy vibe into our house... well she had SUCH a great time during her stay last year that she wants to know what weekend she can come up and stay this year. After last year, though, DH & I decided she's not staying with us again. DH is particularly adamant about it. I feel she could use a supportive friend or a retreat. However, the 4 days she spent up here were a serious drain on the whole family. I don't know how to tell her our feelings in any honest sort of way. I am considering either saying we'll be out of town, or actually booking up every weekend with travel or activities just to not have to lie about being booked solid all summer. Perhaps I can plan to do something with her that doesn't involve her staying in our house. Would like to hear what you would do in my shoes. Please.

Myles - I know you said you feel she could use a responsible friend or a retreat. And you don't want her to stay in your house. But do you actually want to spend any time with her or see her?

[Suja]

Myles, does she have to stay? Is it possible to just do girl's night out or something? Does she live some place where you can find a half-way sort of destination that you'd like to go to?