Secular Confessions

[missychrissy]

Erin, you have more strength and patience than me. I would have kicked him out of the car the 3rd time he said that!

Chrissy, I think your co-worker is setting himself up for trouble. Especially with promising new computers to people, WTF is up with that! Our IT people NEVER do that, they say to ask our supervisor to see if it is budgeted. (Reminds me that I am up for a new computer - laptop with docking station and I am pretty excited about it!). I hope everyone can see how desperate he is for attention. That is what it seems like to me, like a little boy saying (in a Stewart from Mad TV voice) "Look what I can do!"

Erin

You're exactly right, that's what he's doing. My friend even said to me that he's kissing butt and she can't stand that. I don't say anything to anyone at work about this stuff...it's self evident without me saying a word.

[Smplyme89]

Chrissy it is very apparent that you love him and I think that what you are doing is the best thing for your relationship. It's hard to see that, for him especially I am sure I think date night is a fantastic idea, I really need to be more diligent about making sure we do that. Between Nolan, school, and DHs work-aholic self we never get anytime together. We were supposed to go to a matinee (why can I never spell that right??) this weekend, but guess whose going out of town in the morning and not coming back until Sunday or possbile Monday.... *sigh* This week I have literally seen/talked to him probably a total of 4hrs and that was all him, Nolan, and I time. Absolutely no alone time

Erin I am sorry your DH is being such a turd

[Cosmosmom]

Chrissy....ugh that guy doesn't sound like much of a team player. That is annoying but it looks like others can see it too and he's only hurting himself in the long run.

Erin, that is definitely very kind of you to cut your DH some slack...I'm sure that you totally right in that the death of his father is really affecting him a lot. I know I was being really unreasonable and b*tchy last week when I was stressed waiting for mom's results.

Umm, I don't like dirt. When I was little, I used to bring a washrag outside because I didn't like to get my hands dirty. And I still wear gloves when digging in my garden. I can kind of see myself wiping the baby during dinner if he was super messy....we will see I guess.
On the one hand I want meals to be fun and relaxing and calm....but on the other, I think it would drive us crazy if some basic table manners weren't observed in a little older kids. At first though I think I will be happy if he's just not feeding the dogs. I have never known a small child who didn't think it was funny to drop food down for the dogs. Well at least sharing is a nice concept. LOL

[MashedUp]

Bridget, my DH's grandma went to some "miss manners" school in NYC and then forced all that down the throat of her boys and grandkids. She would actually gasp out loud if someone walked in the house wearing a hat.

My kids love feeding the dog. M is getting better about it, but A just figured it out and laughs hysterically as she is licking his fingers. Oye.

[Smplyme89]

I wish we had an inside dog, so I didn't have to clean up all the food on the floor

[Cosmosmom]

LOL Well my older dog is more picky so she doesn't do that now. Deal is she needs seizure meds and it's a liquid. Only way I can get it in her easily is people food. So she gets a small serving (and I mean small...she's only 30 lbs) of our dinner and the meds to on that.
Molly doesn't get people food other than a few pieces of popcorn if I'm feeling generous so she's excellent at getting every little crumb and not picky at all...and she's got at least some of the beagle nose. Seriously I never have to sweep the floors for crumbs....the only reason I ever need to clean the kitchen floor is dog hair!

But yeah did a lot of babysitting back in the day at my house and my parent's always had 1-2 dogs. Every single kid thought it was just the most fun thing ever to drop food for the dog....which of course was always waiting there for it. At this point it wouldn't be a big deal for Poogie as she's thin and young and likes to run around. But Cosmo is overweight from the seizure meds and is older and doesn't run around so much now. I really need to work hard and see if I can get like 4 pounds off my girl.

[Ky'sMom]

I wish we had an inside dog, so I didn't have to clean up all the food on the floor

They do come in handy LOL! We have one dog that stays in the house and he was very helpful when Elle was a baby. She still gives him things now but usually doesn't drop them on the floor and will either call him and ask him does he want some of her food or will try to sneak him things she doesn't like, like brussel sprouts and then chastise him for not eating his vegetables.

Erin

[Smplyme89]

They do come in handy LOL! We have one dog that stays in the house and he was very helpful when Elle was a baby. She still gives him things now but usually doesn't drop them on the floor and will either call him and ask him does he want some of her food or will try to sneak him things she doesn't like, like brussel sprouts and then chastise him for not eating his vegetables.
Erin

Elle kills me

[demigraf]

Messes do not bother me at all. Truthfully, I am just happy for moments of contentment and if that means my kids are covered head to toe in mud, so be it. At least they are busy and happy! Dbf can't believe how dirty I let Sawyer get outside and people are always telling me how patient I must be to let my kids get so dirty but I guess I feel more like I am lazy and don't want to keep removing them from the mud in the yard!

I don't know if it's just me, but the sight of dirty kids just makes me think they had a ton of fun.

Erin, I'm so sorry your DH was picking silly fights with you last night. It wouldn't surprise me if this were all part of the grief process. You're right to cut him some slack. Perhaps giving each other lots and lots of space right now is the best way to make this period of time more tolerable.

So... I POAS this morning. I don't know why, since it's too soon; conception could have only happened last Sunday & I'm still a couple weeks away from my period's expected date. I've just been very nauseous lately. It could be nothing. I started on a new herb, and the nausea could be a side effect. I just wanted to know to make sure I stopped taking certain herbs that I wouldn't want to risk during pg. I had a rush of mixed feelings while I was taking the test. Most of them were feelings of happy excitement, which is good, because I've consciously been afraid of having a 2nd child, and the excitement came from my gut. That means even if I'm not pg now, I'm readier than I thought I was.

[Bridget]

Oh Erin! I can't believe he was being so rude to you! Dbf always says to me, "I can't believe you weren't smart enough to figure that out" and I tell him that is exactly like calling me stupid and I don't appreciate it at all. Then of course he tells me that I am misunderstanding and I tell him no, actually he is misspeaking. He also likes to argue about petty stuff and I refuse to engage him in the moment. I save my comments for later when he is in a good mood and then I will say, "Oh, about that..." and he's much more receptive ususally although sometimes he will make a big deal about me dwelling on things. Like on wednesday we were taking the kids for a walk and Savana got the mail out of the mailbox. She started to put it in the bottom of the stroller but I asked her to take it in and put it on the kitchen table which she did but I didn't notice that the vehicle registration card for my van had fallen in under the stroller. So of course on our walk he sees it and starts laying into me about how irresponsible I am and how I should never put important things down there and on and on (he has to repeat himself 30 times like your dh, Erin). Well, I wasn't about to blame Savana for it so I just gave him a death look and then later when he was trying to be all nice and flirty and grabbing my arse I told him he owed me an apology and I explained what happened. He felt stupid then but I told him he should just stop trying to talk down to me and lecture me like I am a child because I'm nearly perfect in every way I was just kidding, btw about that last part but he did agree. lol Oh but then he did ask me to take care of the registration and he lay it on the kitchen counter. The next morning he grabbed it in a huff and asked me where the envelopes are. LMAO like he doesn't know where the envelopes are. I told him I know that's just his way of trying to get on me about not taking care of it toute de suite and stop trying to be subtle because it ain't working. He tells me I am crazy to say that and I'm totally wrong. Then I asked him what he does when he needs to mail something if he doesn't know where the envelopes are and he got all huffy and went....wait for it.....to where the enevelopes are and got his happy ass one!

He's like an overgrown teenager.

[missychrissy]

I sometimes wish I could watch these little episodes between you & your dbf Bridget! Too funny!

[Bridget]

I don't know if it's just me, but the sight of dirty kids just makes me think they had a ton of fun.

Erin, I'm so sorry your DH was picking silly fights with you last night. It wouldn't surprise me if this were all part of the grief process. You're right to cut him some slack. Perhaps giving each other lots and lots of space right now is the best way to make this period of time more tolerable.

So... I POAS this morning. I don't know why, since it's too soon; conception could have only happened last Sunday & I'm still a couple weeks away from my period's expected date. I've just been very nauseous lately. It could be nothing. I started on a new herb, and the nausea could be a side effect. I just wanted to know to make sure I stopped taking certain herbs that I wouldn't want to risk during pg. I had a rush of mixed feelings while I was taking the test. Most of them were feelings of happy excitement, which is good, because I've consciously been afraid of having a 2nd child, and the excitement came from my gut. That means even if I'm not pg now, I'm readier than I thought I was.

Oh, I like that!!

And I totally agree that a dirty child usually means they are having a good time.

[Bridget]

I sometimes wish I could watch these little episodes between you & your dbf Bridget! Too funny!

Whenever my dad is around us and we get into it I see him turning his head to hide his laughter. I don't think dbf is used to having people call him out on his **** because he is a big, loud dude thus a little intimidating and seems very sure of himself (although I think he's rather insecure) so people usually either buy into what he's saying or just don't speak up. When we first started dating several of his friends told me that I was the only woman they had ever seen him with who called him out and they loved that.

[Cosmosmom]

Hmmm, so I'm bugging DH again. Rethinking names again. We each have ones that the other doesn't care for but both like pretty well Vanessa, Rebecca and Cassandra. We both have traditional names and like nicknames.
Boy...we have never wavered on that one and there are tons we both like. His mom swears we will get a boy so I have noticed that instead of calling baby it, we often say he instead of he/she.

So trying to decide when to get nursery ready. Don't know if I should do it before getting a match (which could still fall through even AFTER baby is born until they go to court and terminate rights).....or just do it when I have time and feel like it....knowing it could still be a while. My mom (one who is strong on opinion and will always give it....and basically feels she is pretty much always right) thinks it's stupid to do it until we get a call and that will be more fun to rush getting things together. That doing too much is going to in some way jinx things and that won't be good having to look at it.
DH says I can do it whenever I want.

[demigraf]

Whenever my dad is around us and we get into it I see him turning his head to hide his laughter.

OMG, Bridget. That's hiLARious. I can imagine the delicious little smirks you share with your dad when DBF isn't looking.

DH just found out his mom had a minor heart attack. He's very disturbed and I feel awful for him. He will head out to the Boston area with Bodhi at some point over the next few weeks. His poor sister was planning to drive to Maine for another sister's graduation yesterday, when she checked in on their mom & dad. Apparently MIL had stopped taking one heart med because it made her have to pee too often? Anyway, DH's sister did end up driving the 3 hrs to the graduation... only after making an overnight detour to take her mom to the ER. And after the graduation today, she's just going to turn around for home and get some sleep before she starts her nursing shift at 5am tomorrow. Just wow. DH talked to his mom on the phone. He said she feels fine, but talks slowly and like she has marbles in her mouth. She told him: "My nurse is very nice even though she's a <insert ethnic reference here> woman." Yep, that's just like DH's conservative family to make time for racism only hours after you just almost died. I am glad she's stable, though. Bigoted, but stable.

On an entirely separate note, here's a video of Bodhi's first thrill ride from Mother's Day (with glimpses of the "Wanderlust" necklace DH had just given me that morning. Bodhi's cackle here is priceless:

[missychrissy]

omg Myles Nothing could make me happier today! That face, that laugh, that pure joy on a little boy's face. Is there anything sweeter on this earth? I highly doubt it.

[missychrissy]

Oh-and I am sorry about mil's heart attack. I hope she'll start taking her medication again.

[Ky'sMom]

Yes your DBF and my DH would probably be great friends or they would be mortal enemies because they are a lot alike. Unfortunately, my DH will not let anyone back down from answering his questions. He will go on and on and on. He even does it with Ky and will make Ky tear up then he will go on and on about how Ky shouldn't cry just because someone is talking to him. He is very relentless. He does it with practically everyone except people he is trying to impress but even some of those people, like his aunt and uncle who are visiting have been witness to his barrage of arguments and insults. It is really surprising too because all of the sudden you could be having a conversation and he'll ask you why you said that particular word, did you mean this or that, and if you respond in a way he doesn't think is sufficient, he will go on his tirade to where he will ruin a moment, day, vacation, you name it. I feel bad in a lot of ways because I really don't take him seriously a lot of the times and his behavior diminishes the respect I have for him, especially when he does this with our son. He has really gotten better with stopping this sort of behavior and just stewing in his anger instead of going on question tirades and I truly do feel the increase is due to the death of his dad. I think he has a lot of regret and anger about it so I am doing my best not to say anything, plus he likes to do this in front of the kids and will even say things to them about how what I am saying doesn't make sense and it is hard to not say something in response to that. He said this to Elle last night.

Erin

[Aelith]

Geez, Erin - your DH and mine could be emotional twins. DH never lets up once he wants to question/berate me about something, just repeats himself until I either cry or leave the scene. Last night it was about my apparent inability to make sandwich melts

[Ky'sMom]

Geez, Erin - your DH and mine could be emotional twins. DH never lets up once he wants to question/berate me about something, just repeats himself until I either cry or leave the scene. Last night it was about my apparent inability to make sandwich melts

Yes DH is very much like this. It used to make me nervous back when we were first together and I thought maybe he was some sort of control freak emotional abuser. But I truly do feel that it is his personality and usually he is not this way. This behavior was the main reason why I left him for over a year after Ky was born because I was in a bad emotional state and his contant questions and arguments made me very anxious and I got very depressed, that may have been due to PPD or the fact that we had some financial issues at the time, but his behavior was probably 100x what it is now. I did used to cry, but after a while I stopped, especially when we got back together. I also started refusing to argue with them and he would follow me and even do this sort of thing in public and try to publically ridicule me. I would get in my car and leave and remind him I wouldn't do it anymore. That was a long time ago and he really has stopped with the extreme level he used to do this on but he still likes to argue. I just usually laugh at him now and tell him how much he is acting like a baby. He has admitted also that he likes to see me "lose my cool." I am a very calm person usually and nothing much gets to me, hence why I don't like arguing about silly little things and why I can forgive him of pretty much anything rather quickly, whereas he will hold a grudge about me saying something I don't remember for days or weeks at a time. I am so certain that he will be giving me the silent treatment today. That used to bother me but it doesn't anymore. I am happy to not talk to him. It has gone on for a month at times.

I also do like Bridget says and wait until he is in a better mood and try to talk to him then, we had a detailed series of discussion about his control characteristics and me feeling that he was so argumentative because he wants to control everything that I say or do. He did see my point of view. He is usually very willing to listen and take what I say into consideration when he is not on questioning tirades and I do consider his listening skills to be his best quality so I am happy that I don't worry that I cannot reason with him without all the questioning at times. Before he got as calm as he is now though I had to email him all the time or write him letters about how he shouldn't be so controlling because he wouldn't let me talk at all even if he was calm initially. What worked best for him is that he considers his mother to be very controlling. Ironically, he is a WHOLE LOT like his mom in practically every way except she is a female. He does not like to be compared to her and when he noticed my comparisons being spot on, he cut down on acting that way.

Erin

[Gwenn]

OMG, Erin, my dad is the same way about his own mother. He has this thing about what he calls "manipulative women" and he cannot stand when someone tells him what to do. My mother is not in the slightest bit manipulative, fortunately for them both, but my father is one of the most manipulative people I know - or would be if he had any sort of social insight. Since he tends toward Asperger's he isn't very good at manipulating people but oh, how he tries. Hilarious how much he resented his mother for manipulating him but still does it to his own children and his wife. I guess it's okay since he will never be a "manipulative woman." Manipulative men apparently are okay.

[AbbeysMom]

I don't know if it's just me, but the sight of dirty kids just makes me think they had a ton of fun.

Erin, I'm so sorry your DH was picking silly fights with you last night. It wouldn't surprise me if this were all part of the grief process. You're right to cut him some slack. Perhaps giving each other lots and lots of space right now is the best way to make this period of time more tolerable.

So... I POAS this morning. I don't know why, since it's too soon; conception could have only happened last Sunday & I'm still a couple weeks away from my period's expected date. I've just been very nauseous lately. It could be nothing. I started on a new herb, and the nausea could be a side effect. I just wanted to know to make sure I stopped taking certain herbs that I wouldn't want to risk during pg. I had a rush of mixed feelings while I was taking the test. Most of them were feelings of happy excitement, which is good, because I've consciously been afraid of having a 2nd child, and the excitement came from my gut. That means even if I'm not pg now, I'm readier than I thought I was.

SCUBJIA to say I'm excited you're thinking about a second babe! And I'm sorry about your MIL...

[raspberry]

Mylah, that video of Bodhi is too cute. I love his joyful laugh. Good stuff

[missychrissy]

SCUBJIA to say I'm excited you're thinking about a second babe! And I'm sorry about your MIL...

Me too!! How exciting!

Syd & I are staying in my apartment. And Missy. Our first night Conner was going to come but at the last moment decided to stay home with Daddy. In a way, I'm sorta relieved. Rich needs someone with him.

[3andMe]

I loved that video of Bodhi, Mylah. And so cool that you are ready for another baby.

Chrissy, how is your night going? Do you have fears that Rich would be significantly not okay without Conner, or even with Conner? Are you considering checking in with them by phone or text? Are you concerned about drinking, or more than that?

DH is out of town for a bit and S. is being a bit challenging. While I was in a two-minute shower today he pooped and then took off his diaper, swished it around in the toilet, then carried it around the house dripping toilet water and particles of fecal matter. I tossed the diaper in the trash, tossed S. in the shower, bleached the bathroom, tried to mop up the floors as best as I could follow the path of drips, tossed the bathmat in the washing machine, and by the time I was done with all that, R. had brushed his teeth and leaned against the still-wet sink in the bathroom and gotten a big bleach mark on his new navy blue school uniform shirt that he loves. I am getting so weary of his diaper and potty shenanigans, and they don't seem to be progressing into any useful potty training, just a bunch of mess everywhere.

And then tonight he decided he would try practicing head stands in his crib instead of going to sleep. "Look at me, Mommy! Look what I can do!"

[Gwenn]

Chrissy, I hope your night is going well. I'm glad you have Syd with you.

L, it's a good thing baby S is so cute. How exhausting. You're going to have to come up with a new code name for him - he's starting to look more like a little boy than a baby.

[missychrissy]

Oh L, what a nightmare that must have been to clean up! The headstand in the crib made me lol, but not the diaper dipping. Ugh. I wonder what the fascination is with that? Kids never cease to amaze me.

I'm not worried right now that Rich will start drinking and I'm not concerned that he'll do anything to hurt himself. I just worry about him feeling so sad. He does cry, or get teary eyed at least, periodically. I know he'll be ok but I still don't like him being so sad.

The first night went pretty good. Syd & I went to bed shortly after midnight. I woke up a couple times but that's not abnormal for me. I need to get used to waking up a bit earlier so I can walk Missy before work. That's probably going to be the biggest change for me. At our old house, I could let her out and she'd do her business and come bark at the door. She never left the yard no matter what was going on, but of course in town I can't do that. When I took her on her last walk last night, I couldn't help but think it felt like camping. Instead of campers though it was houses. It was very warm last night so many were either out on their porch or had their front doors open. These houses are so small that their front doors open directly into their living room, so I could hear them talking or their tvs clearly. Probably not a big deal for most people, but as someone that's come from the country where everyone has an acre and the houses sit back a bit from the road, it's different. Not unpleasant or anything...just different.

[Ky'sMom]

L that photo of S is pretty cute and funny but I agree the poopy water trail, not so much. Yuck. I do love your new siggy pic! I hope S will come out of his zany sleeping phase sooner rather than later to at least get you all some dedicated rest to deal with PT shenanigans. One of my nephews used to do things like that as a toddler. I cannot remember which one but he would take off diapers in the middle of the night or during the day and get toilet messes every where. I remember my brother taping a diaper placed backward on him with duct tape and footed jamies put on backwards as well and he still got off his clothes and some how got that diaper off. It was pretty funny but my brother was VERY upset about it. I think it was my nephew who came to visit last summer now that I think about it. He was known to be a child that you could literally never take your eyes off. I also remember he once put a diaper of poop in the fridge when he was 2 and how his mom was so sickened by it that she bought a new fridge.

Chrissy, I cans see how that would take a lot to get used to, the environment and all. I can't imagine living in the country really with no noise even though city noise really gets on my nerves, it is just what I am used to and anytime I am away from city living it is a must that I wear ear plugs just to block out the silence. Seems crazy but it's true.

Erin

[Suja]

Duct tape for Baby S? Either his hands or the diaper? Or maybe both.

[3andMe]

I do tape his diapers on at nap and night time, after learning my lesson the hard way multiple times. I have been putting him in pull-ups during the day to make it easier for all of us, though, and those can't and shouldn't be taped. Maybe I should just tape him in when I am temporarily unavailable, though. It's hardly ever that I shower without kids, so it's not something I think of.

R. just said the sweetest thing. He was asking about coming to my work and watching procedures and how I go about my day. I told him it just wasn't possible, at least not until he was older. I told him too many people are too worried about their tests, and they would not allow a boy to watch what I was doing and ask questions. He told me he would be very quiet and stay out of the way, and "If the patient was very good, I would even go and sneak them a sticker, even if they were a grown-up." Aww.