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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #31861
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    Chrissy, I think that you will find we all agree with you! A job to make some cash to live in is vital. Art is great and I love it but don't know that many people who could turn it into a full-time career, especially right away. As a hobby that could turn into something you could live off, great but need to have a plan B in place.

    Oh yeah I have a friend like that except instead of Asian it's Indian (well one half the couple). His family are all doctors....he's in business and that is kind of a black sheep. So much emphasis is placed on where someone went to college. And success is being so defined by career. Much more focus on school and pushing kids ahead in the family and they are certain kids will go to college and beyond.

    Now I LOVED college. i could have stayed there many more years. DH and I are both like that...more nerdy bookworm types. We both agreed that college is not the be all, end all and if our kid is more the studious type who wants to be something that requires college, we will support that....but he's really into cars or wants to be a plumber, we support that. Tech school is so much more a viable option now that I have life experience than it was when I was younger. I thought tech school was for people who couldn't hack it in real college. Little did I know that tech grads can make some pretty serious money!

    My main goal in life is to be happy....and my job factors into that only a little. I like it and it affords me a check that we can live the life we want on. I get a lot more happiness from my relationships with DH and family, my little furry girls, my house and my hobbies.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  2. #31862

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    LOL. I've thought the same way about not wanting a bigger house, B. Especially about not wanting a bigger garden. My little patch of earth is plenty of work, although I wouldn't mind having a woods for Bodhi to run around in, like DH had.

    My hamstrings are really sore (and I have a big running event on Sunday). I'm thinking of doing this stretch, but I don't have a foam roller. Do you think it'll work with 2 mason jars?

    cGA.540x302.jpg

  3. #31863

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    I have to vent this. Then I'm going to let it go because I've been carrying it all day. Dbf ate breakfast with us this morning. He never does. I wake him up to to take Savana to school when it is time. The kids were really excited, literally saying, "YAY! DAddy is eating breakfast with us!!"
    He proceeded to nag and rip on them the whole breakfast. I made pancakes and gave them to them whole and they poured syrup and just dipped them into the syrup so weren't using forks. He was yammering on about how great Sawyer is using his spoon because obviously I cut his into tiny pieces and I also mixed it with yogurt and blueberries and put it in a bowl. So nice that he was encouraging Sawyer but then he had to go and say how Sawyer is only one and Savana and Kai are big kids and they should be using forks too blah blah BLAH. Oh, and also of course kept telling them they were using too much syrup when I let them decide for themselves how much syrup to use because really I love a lot of maple of syrup so I'm not one to regulate that. It really pissed me off and I told him that he doesn't get to eat at the table with us once a month and try to enforce table manners. I think Savana and Kai do just fine and trust me I know because I take care of several different children all week long and I know the typical table manners of children. It just sucked so bad because after he was ripping on them like that all the excitement of eating with him was gone and they were both just quietly (and self conciously) eating. Why does he do that? Can't he see how he sucks the joy out of these moments?

    Okay, I am freed of it now. Thank you.
    Last edited by Bridget; 05-17-2012 at 01:04 PM.

  4. #31864
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    How sad. He reminds me of how Rich was with Bobbie and Jesi when they were little. Rich did get over that, but still if he's in a 'mood' he'll choose meal time to pick at the kids. Every.single.time. It makes me nauseous.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  5. #31865

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    Myles - What if the mason jars break? Ouch. Maybe wrap them in a towel first at least.

    ETA - Bridget I know it wouldn't be right but don't you ever have the urge to tell your kids, "Just ignore Daddy - he's a jacka$$"?
    Last edited by dana_renay; 05-17-2012 at 01:49 PM.
    D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)


  6. #31866

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    LOL. I hope my legs aren't heavy enough to break mason jars. I'd be doing it on carpet, btw. And I might have been kidding a little. Not sure yet. I'll let you know how it goes whether I was kidding or not.

    Bridge, ugh! Your DH reminds me of my mom when she gets naggy. It's like she can't hold her tongue and stop herself from criticizing. I don't know where it comes from. I think it comes from a place of love, but yeah, she must believe that shame is some kind of motivator. She doesn't realize how badly it takes the wind out of people's sails. And as I got older, her MO became less and less effective and just made me mad at her. I want to hug Kai & S for their breakfast experience.

  7. #31867

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    Bridget. It would be hard for me to let that go. My anger is the worst when I see anyone hurt or disappoint Abbey, especially someone who is supposed to love her.

    Chrissy, I agree with Erin and think that she's just at a point in her life experience where she'll be a bit angry and act out on it. I also think that she probably feels most comfortable letting her anger out on you, since she knows you'll always be there for her. It's like when a two-year-old bites their mama, but no one else. Actually, IMO young adults and toddlers have a ton in common (impulse control issues, irrationality and an obsession with independence come to mind).

    As far as encouraging her as an artist, I can tell you from my own experience that you can definitely make good money as an artist, but in some strange inverse equation sometimes making money from art can kill the spirit it takes to be creative. I don't really know how to explain it beyond that, but I think encouraging her to split her focus seems like a great idea just for that reason alone. I can also tell you that I will always want Abbey and our future kiddos to have a real-world skill set they can fall back on, and no matter how much they want to major in philosophy or art history I will push them to learn technical and mechanical skills as well. It's not about a status job, it's actually about their own feeling of self-worth. Once you master a real-life skill whether it's fixing cars or building computers or learning a second language, etc, you always have that in your pocket as an ability you have mastered.

    Anyway, IMO it's natural for kids of all ages to to obsess about a new passion, and it's natural for parents to have to be the voice of reason, and it probably hurts more right now because you are in a pretty raw place with your own situation and emotions. for that.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  8. #31868

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    Myles, how about a foam pool noodle?



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  9. #31869

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Erin, if I was as smart and eloquent as you, I'd love debating too. And I mean that. I think you are so well spoken and really know what you are talking about on a wide array of subjects. That's why we made the ITA with Erin smiley!

    Chrissy, I don't see B as an ungrateful brat AT ALL. I feel sad for her angst and sad for the way she is treating you as well. I hope she gets past this sooner than later as I feel she will have a lot of regret for it and that can be very painful as well.

    Mylah, I have to agree with you on just wanting my kids to be happy but of course be able to provide for themselves as well. I don't think dbf and I are *quite* on the same page on that one as he for sure defines success (and even happiness) as having a lot of money. He gets that from his mother. She is always making comments about how she wishes we made more money and had a bigger house, etc and I'm like "Wha? No way!" I don't want a bigger house. I can hardly keep this one clean!

    I just want my children to be passionate about something. I want them to to crave knowledge like they do now, for the rest of their lives. I wasn't passionate about anything except partying with my friends. It got me where I am today so I don't dwell on what I could have done differently but I do hope they choose a different path.
    Ha Ha on the bold!! I am the same way. Ky went to a sleepover earlier this year at a friend's house and they practically live in a mansion - a gated community about 5000sft (if not more) house. Ky was VERY impressed by it. Our house is a little less thatn 1200 sq ft so it could fit in this kid's house. Ky said he loved it because the basement was big and he could run laps or play baseball in the basement of a house like that. And wouldn't I love to have a house like that (we are talking of buying a new house and due to the market being extremely bad in our metro we could get a 3000 sq ft house for about 100K or less depending on what area now so we have looked online at houses he considers mansions compared to ours). I told him no, that the AC bill would be outrageous on a house that big, plus we bare keep our little house clean and if we lived in a mansion he would have A LOT of floors to mop. That kind of changed his mind but he still wants to live in a mansion for the running in the house factor.

    I also want my kids to be happy and self sufficient. I am encouraging Ky to be an engineer even though he loves art as well and wants to be a comic book artist or graphic artist. I told him I'd send him to technical school to be an engineer and then he could go to college to learn about how to master his art. I also do want my kids to get As, because like you Myles, I think it means they have mastered a subject. Luckily Ky's school is not grade based but every child must make at least a 90% in certain subjects (reading, language arts, math and science) in order to be able to move to the next chapter/level of their studies so basically everyone in the school gets all As.

    Erin

  10. #31870
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    DH wants a bigger house. We already have about 4000 sq.ft. On 3 finished levels, and use maybe a third of it on a routine basis. The rest is there so that I clean all the time and it's still never spotless. I told him that if he buys a bigger house, we're getting "staff" to maintain it. I don't want another house. This is too big as it is.

  11. #31871
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    Suja that is too much to clean for sure!

    We have just a little under 1500 sq feet....ranch style so all one floor. We will be getting the basement done at some point so that will probably about another 1000 sq feet (leaving some as basement for storage). but most of that will be MIL's to keep clean...thankfully she's a neat person! Only one room down there will won't be hers....it will be DH's Lego room.
    I think we have the perfect amount of space for us and one child...and two dogs. But not so much that it's hard to keep clean or too much to heat and cool.

    Holy cow, tonight was heartgard and frontline night. I don't know what they put in the heartgard (they get it after their frontline) but DH calls it doggie crack.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  12. #31872

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    Our house is about 1700 sq.ft. and I wouldn't want anything much bigger. Not unless I had a weekly housecleaner! I just cleaned the whole house today, well everything but mopping and dusting. One thing I would love is a separate tv room, right now our living room and kitchen are all connected and when dh watches tv it's so freaking loud. He always chooses to watch the loudest thing possible, gun shooting or car chases, it makes me insane. I'd love to shut him in a room with his loud tv and be able to read or do whatever, without listening to the loud tv.

    Jennifer, that is the best news about your mom. What a relief!! Take her out to a nice dinner

    Chrissy, sorry about Bobbie. That age is so hard anyway, and then to add her trauma from last year into it, it's just really difficult.

    I don't care for debate myself. I like to listen if there isn't any shouting. Both my dh and my 2nd brother like to debate, usually when my bro has had a too many drinks. At our last family party, the two of them were debating the French/Indian war. Seriously. It was putting the rest of us to sleep. But those two like history.

    My dh works at a museum and Gilly pronounces it "muzingo" that reminds me I need to get it on video. I will miss the little mispronunciations once they are gone.
    Shelley-mom to DS, 6

  13. #31873

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    Our house is 2400 square feet but 1/2 of that is the lower level daycare and about 1/3 of the daycare is laundry/storage. I have someone come and clean the daycare for me only once or twice a week now that I don't have full enrollment.
    Omg talking about debating after too many drinks has me thinking about one family christmas where 2 of my cousins were actually debating and ended up crying. Two grown men and they were, like, cry fighting. Yelling and crying at the same time. No one even remembers what they were arguing about but it's hilarious when we talk about it now. The funniest ever drinking and debating story (well, it might not be as funny to you guys but I'm laughing just thinking about it) was one night my brother, myself, my bff and the cook from the preschool we all worked at were playing a game of spades and drinking. We started talking about Mariah Carey and my friend and I were saying we didn't like her while my brother was saying he did like her and he ended up storming out and calling a cab! He left! We all just sat in the kitchen in silence for a while like, "Did he really just storm out over that?"
    The next morning my brother called me all sheepish and said, "Please tell me I did not walk out of Keith's house last night in anger over Mariah Carey." lmao

    A loud tv would drive me absolutely insane. I can't handle too much noise even though I think my kids are louder than average but that doesn't bother me too much. Our tv does not go on until the kids are in bed and lately it's actually been staying off then too since we cancelled our cable and we have something called roku but honestly I get tired of searching for something to watch and can't usually stay awake anyway.
    I just started reading a book called Think of Something Quiet which is a teacher guide to helping create a calm/quiet atmosphere with young children. I'm hoping it will help me quiet Kai down. He is insanely loud and I really want to stop asking him to be quiet all the time because that doesn't actually work and I think it hurts his feelings as he's not purposely trying to be loud.

  14. #31874

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    I need to read that book. Gilly is also very loud. When he plays he talks and chatters away and then suddenly he will turn it up full blast. I know he does it for a reaction a lot of times, he does this shriek that pierces the void. He is seriously a loud child. I often wonder would the next be this loud? Or would we get a quiet one?

    That is so funny about your brother and Mariah Carey. I love when you always remember funny stories like that. Little inside jokes between you and your friends/family. It's what life is all about.

    For my dogs, it was always bathtime when they would go crazy, running all over the house. Nothing like wet dogs streaking through your house.

    I am sad for my sister tonight, she had to put her 15 year old dachshund to sleep today. She was this fiesty little thing, but she had failed a lot the last few months. She weighed about seven pounds and she would put these big ole moose on the run! Even though I am sad she's gone, it makes me miss having a pet. When we had our family business, we had an enclosed dog yard, we all would bring our dogs to work with us every day. So between us all, we had nine dogs in the yard! LOL!
    Shelley-mom to DS, 6

  15. #31875
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    I found myself doing the calming shhh shhh shhh thing to Conner, like we do to babies as we rock them, in my apartment tonight. I'm very aware that there's a family living downstairs and I don't know how I'm going to get Conner to understand that he can't stomp around and yell like he's a Native 24/7 when he's at my house. He forgets so fast-and understandably so. This is the first apartment where that's been an issue. G'ma has an apartment, but she's on the 1st floor and there's an entire staircase between her and the neighboring apartment. He can be as loud as he wants and no one hears him there.

    I have a funny loud tv story. I might have shared it before, but one Christmas I was so proud of myself for surprising Rich with this awesome surround sound system. He had set it up and left his hunting show on, only I didn't know it and in the morning I walked into the living and past the tv. It was behind me and I didn't even realize it was on when all of a sudden I heard a twig snap in leaves followed by a loud POW of a gun. I nearly jumped right out of my skin! I spun around and realized what it was.

    I'm ready to stay in my apartment tomorrow night. I told Rich and then later found him in our kitchen kneeling down and trying to hide the fact that he was crying. I feel bad, I really do. But not as horrible as I know I would if I were feeling anything normally. I'm just numb and I fear I'm coming across as terribly insensitive and selfish.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  16. #31876

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    Chrissy, I can understand why you feel bad but it is not selfish for you to focus on yourself right now. And as far as not feeling anything, that is why you are doing this right? Because you know in your heart that something is "off" and to continue life as it has been just isn't going to work for you. It isn't going to heal you. I really think you're moving in the right direction now. It's going to be hard for everyone but everyone will be ok.

  17. #31877
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    I know you're right Bridget. I guess I feel bad for not feeling bad enough. He's a good guy. And he does love me an awful lot.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  18. #31878

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    Yes, I am sure he does. You are pretty darn fantastic. But you wouldn't be doing him any favors staying if you aren't sure your heart is in it.

  19. #31879
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    I know, and I've told him that. Just last night I told him flat out he's been a doormat for me and that's not healthy for him either. He's going out of his way to do everything to make my life easier, and I have snapped at him in recent weeks at times and in tones that were totally NOT acceptable or appropriate and he doesn't say a word. He says it's because he knows I'm going through a hard time and he just wants to make everything as easy on me as possible. The only thing that does is make me feel even more guilty. He deserves someone that can give him more than I feel like I can right now. Maybe it'll happen in the future for us again, but maybe it won't. Either way, it's not there now and I don't know if it will ever return.

    Maybe I don't appreciate what I have, but I think the best way to figure that out is to get to a place where I miss him. THEN maybe I can fully appreciate him. We've made a deal that we're getting together at least once a month without the kids to discuss things. Kids, plans, details, perhaps our future...but no kids. We cannot have a serious discussion with them around. Either we don't want them hearing everything, or they're distracting us. We probably should have done that years ago.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  20. #31880
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    That's a great idea, Chrissy. That might bring you closer together than anything, really. I know that any time dh and I have to talk without kids around (usu just in our living room after they go to bed) swings our relationship to the positive whereas interacting with the kids around is usually more negative, just because of the added stress of more interruptions, more noise, more people in the mix.

    I took S. on a hike today after he refused to nap for two hours and he ran away from me on the trail and cavorted in a patch of poison oak. I marched him out of there and brought him back home and put him in a cool bath (per Google). He thought it was a huge game to run away from me and touch plants after I told him not to. He was shocked when I told him we were leaving.


  21. #31881

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    Bridget, my DH does the same thing at the table when he does eat with us sometimes. Drives.me.bonkers. She's freaking not even 3 yet and uses her fork/spoon great about 75% of the time, so stop freaking biting her head off. And, he'll get up from the table and get a washcloth and wash the babies face and hands in the middle of the meal which totally pisses him off. He's a baby. They get messy. Spaghetti sauce on his face will not hurt him. Ugh!

    Chrissy, I've been thinking about you, I hope this gets easier and brings some clarity to your life.

    L, I hope S doesn't get poison oak! YUCK!

    DH's step dad passed away last night. They were not close, he was not nice to DH growing up and was very controlling of his mom. His mom and step dad are/were jehovahs witnesses. I think DH is mostly relieved that his mom can finally relax and have some freedom. He was 20 years older than her and she's spent the last 5-10 years taking care of first her mom and then him 24/7.
    AKA Lisa724

  22. #31882
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    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    That's a great idea, Chrissy. That might bring you closer together than anything, really. I know that any time dh and I have to talk without kids around (usu just in our living room after they go to bed) swings our relationship to the positive whereas interacting with the kids around is usually more negative, just because of the added stress of more interruptions, more noise, more people in the mix.

    I took S. on a hike today after he refused to nap for two hours and he ran away from me on the trail and cavorted in a patch of poison oak. I marched him out of there and brought him back home and put him in a cool bath (per Google). He thought it was a huge game to run away from me and touch plants after I told him not to. He was shocked when I told him we were leaving.
    Looking back, it was easier to have one-on-ones with Rich when the kids were littler. Now that the girls are older, there are no after bedtime private moments. Even knowing relationships need that, time still slipped away and it's only now that I realize what a tough position we let ourselves get into. We never were the kind to have 'date night' and I didn't feel like we needed it. Let me be a cautionary tale for y'all...you do need it. Even if it's not about romance. You're still two adult individuals that have things to talk about. I think having that feeds something vital to a relationship. You don't feel it when it's slipping away.

    Oh no about S! How frustrating and scary. I hope he gets over that phase right quick. Hopefully taking him home abruptly will curb his urge to run off. Has he broken out? I've never gotten into anything like that, but I understand it's quite uncomfortable. It probably won't help him sleep any better either if he's all itchy.

    Quote Originally Posted by MashedUp View Post
    DH's step dad passed away last night. They were not close, he was not nice to DH growing up and was very controlling of his mom. His mom and step dad are/were jehovahs witnesses. I think DH is mostly relieved that his mom can finally relax and have some freedom. He was 20 years older than her and she's spent the last 5-10 years taking care of first her mom and then him 24/7.
    to her. Bless her heart for caring for him. I hope she doesn't feel guilty for having a sense of relief. I'm sure that's normal.


    Last night was a little rough. Reality has set in for Rich and he admitted he's scared. He's afraid I'm never coming back. I felt awful but I told him I didn't have any definite plans and I couldn't promise that I would. I hate being this person.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  23. #31883

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    Chrissy, I wish I could help you feel better. Please stop beating yourself up. The right thing is sometimes the hardest thing. Big hugs to you my friend.

    My mil is crazy about table manners. I will never forget going to visit her when Savana was a baby still in a highchair and I have always let my babies get as messy as needed while eating. She was trying to wash Savana's hands in the middle of the meal and Savana started to scream so I asked mil to stop doing that please. She kept fighting Savana so Savana took her hands and put them under her highchair tray, thus wiping whatever it was on her hands all over the pants she was wearing. Mil yelled at ME and said "See! Now she's wiping it all over her clothes!"
    I laughed in her face, scooted past her, took Savana out of the highchair and into the bathroom. When I came out mil had the audacity to tell me that I simply must set limits for her. Oh I was mad.

  24. #31884
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    Ugh-that would infuriate me as well Bridget. I hope she's relaxed a bit since then.

    And I know I'm doing the right thing, but it is indeed the hardest.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  25. #31885
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    (Hugs), Chrissy. I hope that each day gets easier for you.

    Bridget, man, your MIL is a piece of work! Saying that, though, we are going through the whole very messy phase with Cash right now where he's trying really hard to use his spoon but only getting it in to his mouth about 60% of the time and I cringe at all the mess he's making. I hate this stage with food. I try to give him stuff that's not too messy but today, we all shared lasagne for lunch, so everything around him was bright orange from the sauce.

    And Chrissy, you are so right about date nights. I just told DH last night that I want to go out to the movies to see Men in Black 3. I love Will Smith. But yeah, getting out is good! We said that we'd also go away for a weekend to celebrate our anniversary on our own and leave the kids with Rich's parents. They have my SIL's 3 kids once a month over night because they go to all sorts of functions for BIL's work, so I don't feel too guilty about leaving my 2 for a day or 2 with them. We want to go to the Yorkshire Dales to spend some time in a cabin with a jacuzzi and just relax and sleep in!

  26. #31886

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    Mil has chilled out significantly. I can see her holding back when she wants to say something and I'm glad that I got the point across without having to be a *****. I'm doing things my way with my kids and that's that.
    Messes do not bother me at all. Truthfully, I am just happy for moments of contentment and if that means my kids are covered head to toe in mud, so be it. At least they are busy and happy! Dbf can't believe how dirty I let Sawyer get outside and people are always telling me how patient I must be to let my kids get so dirty but I guess I feel more like I am lazy and don't want to keep removing them from the mud in the yard!

  27. #31887
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    When we lived in El Paso and it was hot out, my sister and I spent many happy hours completely naked, slithering around in the irrigated cotton fields right next to our house. We'd come home looking like we'd been in a mud bath in a spa. My mom would hose us off before we came inside. I used to ask her why we had to clean off if we lived in a mud (adobe) house. Come to think of it, my mom must have had some patience too.


  28. #31888
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    My brother and I had our own 'dirt piles' to play in. My father had dug up these two circular area where we could build hills and valleys, and he gave us a bunch of gardening tools. I remember being really young and playing with the hand rake. He was brave. I'm not sure I'd let Conner play with one like that. At least not unsupervised! My brother used to drive his cars in his.

    I have to vent at work. My colleague started the same time I did. He's the one that was a bit competitive in the beginning. I thought that had slowed down but now he's blatantly undermining me and the things I say to people. One admin assist that knows better had asked if I could do a new computer deployment right now, or at the very latest the very next morning. The issue was that the person had already started, but there's this whole process for new hires and we should have been made aware she was coming at least 2 weeks before her start date. There are even certain days of the week and times reserves solely for new hire employees, and this admin assist is the one that schedules them. So she let one slip through the cracks and asked me to drop everything to set it up and cover her butt. I tactfully said that wouldn't be possible, that the soonest I could do was the following Monday (this conversation happened on a Thursday). Low and behold, Scotty (my colleague) went ahead and called the admin assist and said he could do it. The real issue is that I didn't want to set a precedence where this woman would always expect us to drop it all and come to her when she forgot to start the new computer process. I had told our manager what I'd said and why, and she had told me that was the right thing to do. She was appalled when Scott went ahead and did it, and she was the one that said he was undermining me.

    Today someone called and nicely asked where she was on the new computer deployment list as hers is very, very slow. Sadly, because of the way previous management ran things, we have a multitude of out of warranty machines that are dying at a rate of 2-3 a week. So we're basically running around putting out fires instead of being proactive and getting new ones before the old ones die. The goal is to replace them at or just before the OOW date, but it's going to take time to get there since there are so many that are already OOW. Any-who, this particular person's OOW date isn't until Sept, so there's nothing I can do for her since her machine isn't malfunctioning...it's just slow. I explained the process and what our goals were but did tell her that since we do have so many that are a year (or more!) OOW, that we may not get to her right at Sept. I encouraged her to contact us with any big issues though because as we get closer to Sept, it's possible we could put her on the list. I can't now-it's ONLY slow. But it's functioning.

    As soon as I got off the phone Scotty actually asked me if I minded if he went up there. He's been promising new machines to everyone and our manager even said just yesterday to both of us that we should run any ideas about new machines by her before mentioning it to our users (it's different if they ask us-we're not gonna lie!). She was looking at me when she said it, but it was clear that the message was for Scott. I've never offered a new computer to anyone. That's not our place to decide. I told Scott he could do whatever floats his boat and went to get a cup of coffee. When I got back he was really pressing this person to let him come up and have a look at her computer. When I talked to her, she was clear that there's nothing wrong with it and nothing to fix, it's just slow and she was clearly just curious about where she was on the list. That's it. She was absolutely ok with Sept being her tentative date. If I felt she was annoyed in any way or unhappy about the wait, I would have offered myself to go up and see if there was anything I could do.

    The sad thing is, she's a director and it's become painfully clear that he's really kissing butt with the ones that he views as 'important'. He even said to me on the way up, "It's pretty sad that her secretary, that started when we did, has a better computer than she does. She's a director!" M'kay.

    /rant.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  29. #31889

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    Chrissy big hugs to you. From your comments I can tell you really do care about Rich and I hope he sees that and can understand a little bit that you just need to figure some things out for yourself. I am thinking that once you get settled into your apartment, things will get much easier for you emotionally and you'll have some time to decompose. The date night is a great idea as well and maybe Rich can focus on that and see that you don't want to completely cut him out of your life, it is not about him, and he will take your advice and also try to use this time to grow as a person to where he can be more responsible for himself and his decisions and make himself more attractive to you in a way that you will be able to tell during your date nights.

    My DH and I don't have date nights per se and I do think it is a good idea. We do talk a lot though, but I have been trying not to talk to him too much. He is being in a combative mood lately and I am thinking it has to do with his dad's death. I know he has been thinking a lot about him recently so I am just trying to not comment on his rude and extra argumentative personality as of late. He does not handle emotion well and this morning I feel bad because last night it was a late night and we didn't get home until 9:30 pm since Ky had a game and Ky wanted to go to Burger King. I had some coupons so I asked DH which one did he think we should go to, there are 3 within 2 miles of our house and DH likes to argue with me about which one is closer. He said the one on a particular street so I started to turn around and he got kind of loud and said that I should go to the other I usually go to (it is on the same street as there are 2 on the same street), why was I trying to turn around and go to the other. I told him that I thought he meant the other one and said it was no biggie and turned back around to head toward the restaurant and the WHOLE freaking way he kept asking me why I thought he meant the other one. I must not have any common sense. Why would I think he meant the other one. What is wrong with me. Okay, now repeat that about 15 times. I told him that it wasn't a big deal and he should be quiet, it was just a misunderstanding. Repeat another 15 times the above questions. So I told him he is lucky I love him or I would tell him to shut the F up and get the hell out of my car. He then repeated how I don't have common sense and how I am illogical. Ugh..... it took a lot of strength not to leave him there. Then we go home after the restaurant and he is still upset (this is almost an hour later) and then proceeds to leave the house in my van. I ask him where he was going he just says "out." So I tell him like I usually do that if he comes up missing, since I don't have any details of where he was going then the police won't look for him and just think he is a deadbeat who left us when he could be hurt or killed on the side of the road (he considers this a joke with a touch of truth and since I first said it he usually will tell me where he's going). He still didn't tell me and he didnt' come home until around 2am and didn't even wake up to go to work this morning so I know since he is lacking sleep he will be in another mood. I think I won't speak to him unless necessary this weekend. Come to think of it though, his aunt and uncle are in town so he will probably be all cheerful tomorrow as they are coming to one of Ky's baseball games and he always acts extra nice (I call it fake) in front of other people because he wants to impress them or something, I don't know. He will probably be extra buttheaded though when they leave, he usually is in these situations as it seems to take a lot out of him to pretend and be fake in front of others.

    Most of the time I don't want to go anywhere with him alone due to arguments about silly things like above that he starts. I keep asking him why he cares about things like this, instead of answering he asks me why I don't. I tell him it isn't important and he thinks I don't think anything is important. I think not arguing about silly things is an important thing to do and like to save my arguments for big things. He is the only person that makes me feel a bit self conscious because I feel that maybe he starts all of these arguments about dumb snippets of problems because he must have some huge problem with me or our relationship or he is extremely unhappy. He says he is always happy .

    Erin

  30. #31890

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    Chrissy, I think your co-worker is setting himself up for trouble. Especially with promising new computers to people, WTF is up with that! Our IT people NEVER do that, they say to ask our supervisor to see if it is budgeted. (Reminds me that I am up for a new computer - laptop with docking station and I am pretty excited about it!). I hope everyone can see how desperate he is for attention. That is what it seems like to me, like a little boy saying (in a Stewart from Mad TV voice) "Look what I can do!"

    Erin

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