Secular Confessions

**3andMe** · 08-13-2009, 02:20 PM

I confess... I am still so torn on the one more child idea, and I can't stop thinking about it and I feel like I'm going to have some regrets, no matter what our decision is. Our hearts say Yes Yes Yes. We love our children so much, and they are so incredibly different and so amazing and we would love to see what another baby would be like. The different possibilities are so cool, and I can't wait to meet another little combination of us.

Our heads say No No No. We are a perfectly symmetrical little family unit right now. We fit at restaurant tables, in hotel rooms, at board games. One more baby would create an odd man out scenario and push us over the edge for a lot of convenience and cost factors. Plus I think my mom is still counting the days until she can move back to Wyoming, and I don't know how she'd react to another baby. We wouldn't require her to stay here, but I think she'd feel like she should.

Sigh. And I feel like I'm on a short clock to make this decision. We wouldn't want the babies to be more than 3 years apart, so this means pregnant by November. Plus I'm old. However, I think we're leaning toward No, and I'm so sad about it.

**WillowSpy** · 08-13-2009, 03:00 PM

Originally Posted by Lydia

I confess... I am still so torn on the one more child idea, and I can't stop thinking about it and I feel like I'm going to have some regrets, no matter what our decision is. Our hearts say Yes Yes Yes. We love our children so much, and they are so incredibly different and so amazing and we would love to see what another baby would be like. The different possibilities are so cool, and I can't wait to meet another little combination of us.

Our heads say No No No. We are a perfectly symmetrical little family unit right now. We fit at restaurant tables, in hotel rooms, at board games. One more baby would create an odd man out scenario and push us over the edge for a lot of convenience and cost factors. Plus I think my mom is still counting the days until she can move back to Wyoming, and I don't know how she'd react to another baby. We wouldn't require her to stay here, but I think she'd feel like she should.

Sigh. And I feel like I'm on a short clock to make this decision. We wouldn't want the babies to be more than 3 years apart, so this means pregnant by November. Plus I'm old. However, I think we're leaning toward No, and I'm so sad about it.

I wish I had something intelligent to say other than to offer you hugs and an eager ear if you want to vent about your feelings. I am sort of a go-with-the-flow, everything will work out kind of person when it comes to this stuff, so personally if DH and I were in your shoes, we'd have more. Then again, we've been called unrealistic and crazy by plenty of people. As for the symmetry aspect... it's weird, it's not something I ever gave any importance to, but it's almost the first thing that came out of my friend's mouth when DH said he wanted 3 but I wanted 4... "but 3 will be so unsymmetrical! who will be the odd man out on the rollercoaster?"

**WillowSpy** · 08-13-2009, 03:13 PM

I confess that my answer to the sex ed post in random is the first time I've ever talked about what happened to anyone other than once to DH and once to a counselor. I guess it needed to come out, but I now I feel really confused

**3andMe** · 08-13-2009, 03:44 PM

Originally Posted by willOwispy

I confess that my answer to the sex ed post in random is the first time I've ever talked about what happened to anyone other than once to DH and once to a counselor. I guess it needed to come out, but I now I feel really confused

Well, I think you brought up a very good point, and you may be helping others not only in deciding how to approach sex ed, but maybe in dealing with their own fears or pasts as well. Maybe this is part of the healing/recovery process? It may not be for everyone, but to be able to talk about it when it's appropriate and it may help others seems like a really big step.

I'm really sorry that happened to you. You may find that impending parenthood, and then actual parenthood, imposes a lot of changes on how you feel about that event and acts of violence or abuse on children in general.

I had always been morally opposed to sexual abuse, but not until I held my own children did it really hit home to me how completely horrifying it is to inflict these acts on little children who are dependent and trusting and don't know any different. The very thought of it fills me with emotion now, whereas before I was more distant.

Thanks for sharing.

**AmeriBrit** · 08-14-2009, 12:27 AM

Originally Posted by Lydia

I confess... I am still so torn on the one more child idea, and I can't stop thinking about it and I feel like I'm going to have some regrets, no matter what our decision is. Our hearts say Yes Yes Yes. We love our children so much, and they are so incredibly different and so amazing and we would love to see what another baby would be like. The different possibilities are so cool, and I can't wait to meet another little combination of us.

Our heads say No No No. We are a perfectly symmetrical little family unit right now. We fit at restaurant tables, in hotel rooms, at board games. One more baby would create an odd man out scenario and push us over the edge for a lot of convenience and cost factors. Plus I think my mom is still counting the days until she can move back to Wyoming, and I don't know how she'd react to another baby. We wouldn't require her to stay here, but I think she'd feel like she should.

Sigh. And I feel like I'm on a short clock to make this decision. We wouldn't want the babies to be more than 3 years apart, so this means pregnant by November. Plus I'm old. However, I think we're leaning toward No, and I'm so sad about it.

Aw, Lydia, I think if you do decide to have another baby, you'll never regret it. You seem like really loving, awesome parents, so I would go for it. Kids are awesome.

**stephmama** · 08-14-2009, 07:53 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJqYc0Q6uOM

**sunrider** · 08-14-2009, 08:02 AM

Originally Posted by stephmama

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJqYc0Q6uOM

**stephmama** · 08-14-2009, 08:15 AM

Lydia, I think a new baby would be a wonderful addition to your family. You guys seem like you have a lot of love to give and seem like amazing parents. A little baby would be lucky to be a part of it.

**WillowSpy** · 08-14-2009, 08:50 AM

Originally Posted by stephmama

Lydia, I think a new baby would be a wonderful addition to your family. You guys seem like you have a lot of love to give and seem like amazing parents. A little baby would be lucky to be a part of it.

That's so true, and I keep coming back to that thought whenever I think of your dilemma. There are so many crappy parents around, and you guys are sooooo the opposite. If there's anyone who would do a bang-up job having more kids, it'd be you. Plus (and now I will totally scare you away from trying for another) what if it's twins again? Then the symmetrical balance will be maintained!!!

And Steph... what in the world is up with your glorious mullet-y signature?

**stephmama** · 08-14-2009, 08:52 AM

I don't know, but it is so glorious.

**3andMe** · 08-14-2009, 12:51 PM

Originally Posted by willOwispy

That's so true, and I keep coming back to that thought whenever I think of your dilemma. There are so many crappy parents around, and you guys are sooooo the opposite. If there's anyone who would do a bang-up job having more kids, it'd be you. Plus (and now I will totally scare you away from trying for another) what if it's twins again? Then the symmetrical balance will be maintained!!!

And Steph... what in the world is up with your glorious mullet-y signature?

I love the mullet too.

Twins again would be a check in the NO column, despite the symmetry. I had to reassure dh that a lot of the things that caused our twins last time were not in effect this time, because he already thought of that and got worried.

I should have guessed that talking about this on APA, a pregnancy site, should have led to positive reinforcement for more babies. I told dh last night that I was leaning toward having a baby again.

Ack, I wish I knew for certain. I know most people don't know 100% when the time is right or if it's right, but I knew for certain before, and now I don't.

**WillowSpy** · 08-14-2009, 01:09 PM

Originally Posted by Lydia

I love the mullet too.

Twins again would be a check in the NO column, despite the symmetry. I had to reassure dh that a lot of the things that caused our twins last time were not in effect this time, because he already thought of that and got worried.

I should have guessed that talking about this on APA, a pregnancy site, should have led to positive reinforcement for more babies. I told dh last night that I was leaning toward having a baby again.

Ack, I wish I knew for certain. I know most people don't know 100% when the time is right or if it's right, but I knew for certain before, and now I don't.

Yea, we're all baby crazy, not much help with restraint here, that's for sure. Keep thinking and soul searching. And don't let us crazies pressure you

**AmeriBrit** · 08-14-2009, 02:45 PM

Lydia, I know what ya mean. I don't think now is the best best time for us to be creating babies again, but we're going for it as we think a 2 year age gap would be best for us and I want to get back in to training for my career when the kiddies are old enough, so we're just going for it.

**3andMe** · 08-14-2009, 05:34 PM

I confess I feel guilty about talking about babies. I know it's really hard to hear this when people have been ttc for a while or really want children but can't for other reasons. So I'm sorry for my baby crazy talk and I hope I haven't made anyone feel sad. I'll shut up now.

Someone help me change the subject? Let's hear a juicy confession.

Oh, btw, I'm still off work! It turned out the drug that was treating my colitis was making me feel dizzy all the time. We have finally gotten to the cause of the dizziness (after seeing cardiology, neurology, ENT, and having a heart monitor strapped to me for a week), and I relapsed back to my previous illness when I tried to wean off the drug more quickly so I could go back to work. So then I went back on it and begged my doctors to find me a solution that involved me being healthy and being on something that wouldn't cause dizziness. They found one, and hopefully I'm starting work next Tuesday. Can you believe it? From my first post about being sick at the end of May, it's turned into something this monumental?

**stephmama** · 08-14-2009, 08:10 PM

Lydia, don't feel guilty.

Juicy confession! Hmmm.....lemme think.

**WillowSpy** · 08-14-2009, 08:40 PM

Originally Posted by Lydia

Oh, btw, I'm still off work! It turned out the drug that was treating my colitis was making me feel dizzy all the time. We have finally gotten to the cause of the dizziness (after seeing cardiology, neurology, ENT, and having a heart monitor strapped to me for a week), and I relapsed back to my previous illness when I tried to wean off the drug more quickly so I could go back to work. So then I went back on it and begged my doctors to find me a solution that involved me being healthy and being on something that wouldn't cause dizziness. They found one, and hopefully I'm starting work next Tuesday. Can you believe it? From my first post about being sick at the end of May, it's turned into something this monumental?

Holy crap. Wait, did they ever give what's wrong with you a name? Or an estimated "get better by..." date?

I am so sorry, that sounds awful

Juicy confessions? I dunno if I have any. Being pregnant has knocked my libido up about twenty notches, but I'm terrified of something happening (sex = bleeding, bleeding = freak out, ugh). My poor, poor DH.

**Janeen** · 08-15-2009, 12:01 AM

Originally Posted by willOwispy

Holy crap. Wait, did they ever give what's wrong with you a name? Or an estimated "get better by..." date?

I am so sorry, that sounds awful

Juicy confessions? I dunno if I have any. Being pregnant has knocked my libido up about twenty notches, but I'm terrified of something happening (sex = bleeding, bleeding = freak out, ugh). My poor, poor DH.

I would be feeling the same way and I think DH might feel that way even more.

**AmeriBrit** · 08-15-2009, 02:30 AM

OK. No baby talk then. LOL. Juicy confession. Let's see.

Well, last night I went to bed about 11:30; DH was still downstairs, so I was dozing off and then I hear loud voices...so I came out of my sleepiness and looked out the window. My neighbor next door and her new boyfriend were standing outside a car arguing with some people. (FYI, the neighbor just dumped her husband for this boyfriend about 3 months ago). Turns out, it was her ex-BIL and ex-SIL bringing her little 3 year old son home. They had watched him while she went out on the town. And they didn't like that she was extremely drunk when they brought him back, so they didn't want to leave him with her. Her boyfriend was defending her and got the little boy out of the car. There was shouting, a bit of pushing and then it calmed as the ex-BiL and SiL left. A few minutes later, the boyfriend flew from the house shouting obsenities and sped away in his car. A few more minutes went by and the ex-BIL and ex-SIL were back and went in to the house with lots of shouting...and a few more minutes later, the neighbor's mother showed up...so I thought as I sat there watching from my upstairs window, "ah, maybe all is resolved now." So I laid down in bed and closed my eyes. Then my DH came running upstairs saying, "Did you just see Samantha (the neighbor) run down the street?"

She pretty much aired her laundry in public. I looked around and everyone in the cul-de-sac was watching. I think we were all waiting to see if we needed to call the police. In the end, the ex-BiL and SiL took the little boy back with them and I was so relieved. All I could think about was the fear he must be feeling with all the shouting and pushing around. At one point, it sounded like the neighbor was thrashing herself against the door, telling everyone to get out of her house. Oh, and everyone but the neighbor was in their PJ's. It just seemed so like a scene out of a movie.

So, I'm not going to miss this neighborhood when we go. The neighborhood our dream house is in is full of retired people.

**daylilies** · 08-15-2009, 05:29 AM

It sounds like my apartment complex, silverstar. I can't wait to get out of here!

**3andMe** · 08-15-2009, 07:23 AM

What neighborhood drama!

My neighborhood is pretty quiet, but we have this interesting guy across the street (he has a name, I think it's Gilbert, but we always call him "Crackie"). He lives with his aged mother and mostly hangs out on the porch and shouts greetings to us when we come and go. He occasionally takes some really amazing drugs, and we haven't quite figured out what they are. He stumbles around, conducting imaginary orchestras in the middle of the street, or windmilling his arms, or flapping about, or trying to dance but when under the influence he doesn't quite have the coordination. It's fascinating to watch. He's always really friendly and nice, and my mom says for a druggie neighbor, we couldn't ask for anything better.

**AlishaAnew** · 08-15-2009, 09:31 AM

all

**kewkew** · 08-15-2009, 09:34 AM

Originally Posted by elmobo

I confess I know a lady who goes to church every Sunday (morning AND night) and every wednesday, but drinks like a fish, cusses like a sailor, and has sex outside her marriage
I confess that doesn't seem very "godly" to me!

Just wanted to point out that going to church DOES NOT make one a Christian.

**kewkew** · 08-15-2009, 09:36 AM

Originally Posted by shutterbird

I confess I witnessed a woman flicking off and obviously cussing out another driver who cut her off. On her back bumper was 'God Listens'. I chortled most of the way home.

And this is why I don't like bumper stickers. They go with the car. Maybe the person driving the car, wasn't the one who put the sticker on, maybe the person driving wasn't the owner of the car but borrowing it. Gotta remember those things. Not saying it couldn't have been her sticker.

**stephmama** · 08-15-2009, 09:39 AM

Hey there. Just wanted to point out that you're in the Secular room.

**3andMe** · 08-15-2009, 09:43 AM

Hi Kewkew, and welcome. Do you have a secular confession you want to get off your chest? We are looking for juicy ones today. Or neighborhood drama. Or, since you're new here, you could introduce yourself and tell us what led you to seek out the secular part of APA.

**stephmama** · 08-15-2009, 09:44 AM

I still can't think of a juicy confession.

I'm so boring. And my neighborhood is pretty boring too.

**AlishaAnew** · 08-15-2009, 09:51 AM

Can someone help me find out when the heck Otitis Externa was first diagnosed?

shutterbird · 08-15-2009, 11:26 AM

Originally Posted by kewkew

And this is why I don't like bumper stickers. They go with the car. Maybe the person driving the car, wasn't the one who put the sticker on, maybe the person driving wasn't the owner of the car but borrowing it. Gotta remember those things. Not saying it couldn't have been her sticker.

Whatever, it was still funny.

shutterbird · 08-15-2009, 11:27 AM

No juicy confessions here, sorry! I'm boring.

**The10Eels** · 08-15-2009, 12:24 PM

I confess... HI!uy

Thread: Secular Confessions

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