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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #31711
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    Chrissy. How are you feeling about your decision?
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  2. #31712

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    Big hugs, Chrissy. I hope you get where you need to be very soon.

    Jennifer -I'm very sorry to hear about your mom.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  3. #31713

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    Jen, to you. I hope your mom recovers fully and quickly.

    Chrissy, I hope the separation gives you clarity and perspective, and a break from the stress of your homelife. to you too.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  4. #31714

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    Hugs Chrissy! I'm sorry Syd took it so hard

  5. #31715
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    Hugs, Chrissy. I hope that everything comes together for you.

    We're babysitting our 2 nephews and niece tonight while my Bil and Sil are out til 10:30, so we've got 5 kids who are 4 and under: two 4 year olds, a 3 year old, a 20 month old and a 15 month old. And it's been easy peasy. I got the two young'ns to sleep by 7:30. The older 3 boys have watched a movie and had popcorn, wrestled, played cars, colored and played with legos. I'm sure they'll wear themselves out eventually!

  6. #31716
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    Hugs, Chrissy. I hope that everything comes together for you.

    We're babysitting our 2 nephews and niece tonight while my Bil and Sil are out til 10:30, so we've got 5 kids who are 4 and under: two 4 year olds, a 3 year old, a 20 month old and a 15 month old. And it's been easy peasy. I got the two young'ns to sleep by 7:30. The older 3 boys have watched a movie and had popcorn, wrestled, played cars, colored and played with legos. I'm sure they'll wear themselves out eventually!

  7. #31717
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Chrissy. How are you feeling about your decision?
    Numb. And a bit of relief. I can't wait to actually move. I have a key!

    Quote Originally Posted by AmeriBrit View Post
    Hugs, Chrissy. I hope that everything comes together for you.

    We're babysitting our 2 nephews and niece tonight while my Bil and Sil are out til 10:30, so we've got 5 kids who are 4 and under: two 4 year olds, a 3 year old, a 20 month old and a 15 month old. And it's been easy peasy. I got the two young'ns to sleep by 7:30. The older 3 boys have watched a movie and had popcorn, wrestled, played cars, colored and played with legos. I'm sure they'll wear themselves out eventually!
    Fun!! I loved staying with my cousins growing up and I still love having my kid's cousins overnight too.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  8. #31718
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    Jennifer, so sorry to hear about your mom. For what it's worth, waking up during a colonoscopy means absolutely nothing in terms of whether or not she is sensitive or not to medication or anesthesia. A lot of times it has everything to do with how cautious the performing doctor is with sedation.

    Chrissy, how are you feeling today? I'm sure in some ways it must be a relief to finally not be in limbo and be taking this step instead of wondering and waiting. On the other hand, it must feel so final in so many ways.

    Happy mother's day to all of our mothers and mothers-to-be! Yes, I'm talking to you, Jennifer and Mandy.

    Claire has been writing me mother's day notes. She has been writing like crazy lately. Last night she wrote me this:

    HAPPE MOMMY DAY
    I LUV LOW
    LUV PAYIN WTH YOW
    BCUZ
    I LUV TH ETH
    ANED
    IT LUVZ ME TO
    FRM CLAIRE

    (Happy Mother's Day. I love you. I love playing with you because I love the earth and it loves me too. From Claire.)

    This makes my heart fill up with happiness far more than the decorated pot with flowers she brought home from preschool. I had not realized that being able to write like this, to hear words and figure out which letters probably combine to form those words, is an advanced skill for a 4-year-old, until DD's preschool teacher saw her write a note and the teacher ran through the school waving it around and showing it to all of the teachers, shouting about how she was writing. It was a really short note, too.

    DS reads better than DD, but my DH pointed out that DD's drive is to communicate, and is a "typical female." He said she's just one step away from passing notes and updating her facebook status, and that she really wants to write because she wants to send letters and write notes to her friends, whereas she doesn't have as strong a need to read, and DS doesn't have that same drive to write. It is true that everything she writes is for someone else, and she often asks me to send the notes she writes.

    The kids are continuing to be screechy and fighting, and not following rules. DS hid from my mom at the park the other day.

    I'm still sick. I'm feeling completely exhausted. I dozed off in the car the other day and rear-ended someone. Luckily it was just a tap and she got out of her car, asked, "Umm, did you just hit me?" and I said yes and sorry and she looked at her bumper and shrugged and let it go. In all the years I've been sleep-deprived and exhausted, this never happened before. I'm actually sleeping more than usual at night, too. I thought I got sick because my medication was changed, and I just got it changed back, so hopefully I'll get better.

    I finally got it together to do a birthday party for baby S., so it's happening this afternoon at my mom's house. We're just having family. I didn't even bother inviting anyone else because I had a hard enough time planning it in the first place and because it's on mother's day and I figure everyone with children has plans already.


  9. #31719
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    Quote Originally Posted by AmeriBrit View Post
    We're babysitting our 2 nephews and niece tonight while my Bil and Sil are out til 10:30, so we've got 5 kids who are 4 and under: two 4 year olds, a 3 year old, a 20 month old and a 15 month old. And it's been easy peasy. I got the two young'ns to sleep by 7:30. The older 3 boys have watched a movie and had popcorn, wrestled, played cars, colored and played with legos. I'm sure they'll wear themselves out eventually!
    All I can say to this is JEALOUS! Not that you have so many kids, but that you have so many around bedtime and you called it easy. Sheesh. And I can tell you for a fact that they do not wear themselves out eventually.


  10. #31720
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    Oh L, how scary that you fell asleep at the wheel! I do hope the medication change makes you feel better. I'm always amazed with your kids. They really are bright. Maybe the trade-off is that they're more difficult at bedtime. I hope this phase ends really soon for all of you. It can't be fun for them either.

    So far I haven't felt like my move is final, which is strange. It feels like a new phase. Perhaps I'll be able to let go of some of my anger/resentment. Maybe Rich will grow some of his own toward me. I was totally kidding him yesterday and asked if he'd come clean my apartment for me because he's been doing 99% of all the housework here. He first said yes, he'd do anything and I looked at him with 'that look' and then he said no, he wouldn't. He will help me move heavy furniture up the stairs, but other than that I'm on my own. I really think I need that. Let's just hope I don't end up living in my own filth. :/ You know how depressed people start slacking in the housework...I've definitely noticed that. I like to think I'm the kind that can't live that way. I guess we'll see.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  11. #31721
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    L, I suppose it was easy because we'd only done it that one time; I can't imagine doing that every day with 5 kids. The 2 little ones were a breeze. Baby M who is 15 months old went straight to sleep when I rocked her the rocking chair and sang 'When I'm 64' to her. Cash went to sleep like he normally does with a bit of singing and tucking him in with his blanket and leaving his little music box on for him. The older 3 didn't go to bed til 10:30! They were so hyped up. And you're right, L; they never did wear themselves out. They would have kept going if we hadn't physically carried them up to bed and tucked them in. DH told them he'd count to 100 and see who'd fall asleep first. Travis was out by 26, Z was out by 35 and R, the youngest of the 3 was out by 57. LOL. It was a fun night for them all and we'll definitely do it again. This might be the start of something for us in trading off babysitting services between us. SIL and BIL had a great time at their work's function. They got all dressed up and drank champagne and then there was a room full of stuff for them to 'play' with after they were all drunk, apparently; for example, a surf board on one of those blow up things where you try to keep your balance and SIL's favorite was a big pillow fight area where they all beat the stuffing out of each other. LOL.

    I just wanted to say happy Mother's day to all y'all in the States. It's not mother's day for me here, but I thought of all y'all celebrating today. I hope you have great days. I sent my mom flowers and will call her later on. As I've gotten older and had my own kids, I've realized how much I love my own momma. She wasn't always the best parent, but I think she tried hard in her own way and I'm really proud of her in the last few years for straightening up her life as much as she has.

  12. #31722
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    Chrissy, Good luck with the apartment. Try to make it your own space and enjoy it so you will keep up with it.

    L, thank you for the mother's day wishes. I was thinking earlier how cruel it was to have to celebrate Mother's Day while STC. It was so nice to come in here and see you say that.

    Tell your DH that reading and writing are both communication and your kids are excelling each in their own way. Claire's writing is really very advanced. It is rare for us to see a child that can write both their first and last name in preschool, even the kids we test who are just there for speech sound errors and cognitively quite advanced.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 05-13-2012 at 06:42 PM.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  13. #31723
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    I forgot to say, L, that that is really good of C to be writing that well. I've worked with 6 year olds who don't write that well. Travis has started phonetically sounding out words and it makes me so proud.

  14. #31724

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    Jen, I'm sorry to hear about your mom, I hope it ends up not serious.
    Chrissy, Good luck with this next phase of your life, I hope this move makes you happier and more settled.
    L, That's awesome that your kids are so advanced! What a nice note!

    I am in the midst of planning the kids birthday party (their birthdays are 2 days apart so we are doing a combo party). I sent out 60ish invites which correlates to over 100 people, but I've only heard back from like 10. It's hard to plan food and stuff that way! It's at our house on memorial day weekend.
    AKA Lisa724

  15. #31725
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    Quote Originally Posted by MashedUp View Post
    I am in the midst of planning the kids birthday party (their birthdays are 2 days apart so we are doing a combo party). I sent out 60ish invites which correlates to over 100 people, but I've only heard back from like 10. It's hard to plan food and stuff that way! It's at our house on memorial day weekend.
    That's a lotta people! It should be fun though. I do get irritated with people for not RSVPing. You're right-it's impossible to plan food appropriately if you don't have any idea how many might show up.

    I've gotten really lazy and have thrown the last few b-day parties at our local bowling alley. All kids seem to enjoy it, and they can whip up a pizza on the fly...and I have had to buy extras for unexpected guests. It's happened more as the girls got older. One friend would mention to others they were there, and I always want to feed the extra kids that show up. It's a good time...I wonder if I'll be able to afford to do that in the future though.

    I have to say that things are going better than expected at my house on the whole. Of course there have been some tears and Conner tore me to shreds by saying last night that his heart will break when I move out. I expected things like that, but it's not as often or intense as I feared. Right now both Syd and Conner are saying they don't want to stay with me. Syd says only every-other-weekend and Conner says he doesn't ever want to spend the night with me. But I think that will change. I'm not going to push it and I'm going to just be patient. This is going to be the hardest part.

    Rich is confused and hurt, but he's trying oh-so-hard to be supportive. He's hoping this will fix our relationship. I really don't have any hope that it will, but I'm not going to say that. I'm not shutting any doors though...whatever will be will be. I guess my brother had a good talk with Rich over the weekend and he's thinking the same thing, that I'm going to just come back. He was saying to Rich, "Just let Sis do this if she needs to. What's she going to be out? A security deposit? So what. If this is what she feels she needs to do, then let her go." It hurts to hear that, but I'm grateful that my brother will be there for Rich. He will need it.

    Rich did go to a friend's bbq and have 2-3 beers yesterday. My fear is that the drinking will start up again and intensify and I did tell him flat out that if it does, he WILL have a fight on his hands for the kids.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  16. #31726

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    Chrissy I am excited for you making this change. I hope your kids will adjust soon but really I am just hoping that you get the space you need and am hoping the best for you.

    L that note from Claire is so sweet!! I also think it is very advanced. I love how she loves you and the earth, that is just adorable to me.

    We didn't do much for Mother's Day. I just sat around and did nothing. I blew out my hair to see how long it has gotten and it is really long, so long I want to cut it. I will probably clip the ends today but I didn't wear it straight because I didn't want everyone asking me if I had a wig or weave on, which always happens when I straighten my hair because it is usually 6 inches longer than what it looks like normally. Elle was just amazed as I haven't done this since she was a baby so she doesn't remember. I told her I would blow hers out next time I wash it, probably tomorrow or Wednesday and she is looking forward to it. Blow drying hair is a real tasks IMO. Those that do it everyday, I don't know how you do it, it is so tedious.

    Erin

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    Chrissy, you'll be in my thoughts as you make your move. I really hope things start looking up for you soon.

    Erin, I know what you mean about blow-drying hair. I have worn my hair wavy lately because I hate how tedious blow-drying my hair and then straightening it is. When it's wavy, I just let it air dry with some mousse in and then use the straightener to calm the frizzy bits down. When it's straight, every section has to be done perfectly whereas wavy hair can just be all over the place. I prefer myself with straight hair, but I know it's healthier for it to not have that much heat on it every day.

  18. #31728
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    Happy Monday! I hope everyone enjoyed their Mothers Day

    Chrissy many mama. I don't even know what to say or how best to be supportive in this particular situation. All I know is that I believe that making yourself happy should always be a priority, no matter what that means.

    My mom and dad "talked" over the weekend and she told him she wanted a divorce. He was surprisingly OK with it (or as OK as you can be-I suppose). He even said that he should be the one to pay for it Moms made it pretty clear over the past few months that she wasn't moving back in with him, so I can only assume he suspected this was to come. I'm happy for her, her stress level has been SO much lower since she's come to peace with her decision to leave him.

    I've actually been considerably (and surprisingly) unhappy with DH lately. I feel like everytime I turn around I am questioning him about something and I can't for the life of me figure out why. It almost feels like I am looking for something to upset me

    Sometimes I truely hate the complexities and dynamics that are a reality in relationships.....

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  19. #31729
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ky'sMom View Post
    We didn't do much for Mother's Day. I just sat around and did nothing. I blew out my hair to see how long it has gotten and it is really long, so long I want to cut it. I will probably clip the ends today but I didn't wear it straight because I didn't want everyone asking me if I had a wig or weave on, which always happens when I straighten my hair because it is usually 6 inches longer than what it looks like normally. Elle was just amazed as I haven't done this since she was a baby so she doesn't remember. I told her I would blow hers out next time I wash it, probably tomorrow or Wednesday and she is looking forward to it. Blow drying hair is a real tasks IMO. Those that do it everyday, I don't know how you do it, it is so tedious.

    Erin
    My hair is so thin/fine that it blows dry in less than 5 minutes. And it looks so ridiculous NOT blown dry I do it every other day (every time I wash it). It's dry, brittle, and split because of it, but there's no way I'm running around with the hair I get without using a blow dryer. I've thought about getting extensions, but I've heard that makes your own hair worse so I've avoided that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Chrissy many mama. I don't even know what to say or how best to be supportive in this particular situation. All I know is that I believe that making yourself happy should always be a priority, no matter what that means.

    My mom and dad "talked" over the weekend and she told him she wanted a divorce. He was surprisingly OK with it (or as OK as you can be-I suppose). He even said that he should be the one to pay for it Moms made it pretty clear over the past few months that she wasn't moving back in with him, so I can only assume he suspected this was to come. I'm happy for her, her stress level has been SO much lower since she's come to peace with her decision to leave him.

    I've actually been considerably (and surprisingly) unhappy with DH lately. I feel like everytime I turn around I am questioning him about something and I can't for the life of me figure out why. It almost feels like I am looking for something to upset me

    Sometimes I truely hate the complexities and dynamics that are a reality in relationships.....
    Y'all are supportive enough just listening to me whine. Believe me! I don't expect anyone to give me the answers because I know the final decision is mine. It's just nice to talk about it without having fear of hurting someone or being judged.

    to your mom and dad. It's definitely rough.

    And for you too. Relationships cycle and I'm the last person that knows when it's time to say when. Some of me feels like I stayed too long and some of me worries I'm giving up to early. Only time will tell I guess.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  20. #31730

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    I don't blow dry my hair. I was worried about this most recent hair cut I got because she took like half an hour to style it. Fortunately so far it looks okay if I just brush it and let it air dry (I take my showers at night) Then in the morning I just run a wet brush through it.

    Christina I'm sorry your parents are getting divorced and that you're finding fault with DH.
    Last edited by daylilies; 05-14-2012 at 08:46 AM.

  21. #31731
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Y'all are supportive enough just listening to me whine. Believe me! I don't expect anyone to give me the answers because I know the final decision is mine. It's just nice to talk about it without having fear of hurting someone or being judged.

    to your mom and dad. It's definitely rough.

    And for you too. Relationships cycle and I'm the last person that knows when it's time to say when. Some of me feels like I stayed too long and some of me worries I'm giving up to early. Only time will tell I guess.
    Thanks Honestly I think it's just me. I've been feeling more and more in the slumps lately. Not sure why. I think now that I am not so busy with classes I am seeing how accustomed we are to just passing by each other. It's really strange to be in the same house with someone and hardly know they are there.....

    Not his fault though, it's what he became used too while I had my nose stuck in a book. He told me yesterday he is going to plan something with my mom behind my back so I can't say that we don't have anyone to watch Nolan, etc.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  22. #31732
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    Chrissy. I hope that the space gives you clarity in whatever comes next.

    No news on my mom yet. I do know that they are doing a D&C whatever the biopsy says.

    L, I hope you feel better soon and get a little more rest than you have been.

    Our weekend was otherwise fine once we stopped fighting....we can both be such nags and it turns into who hurt whose feelings first.
    Saturday we got some of the veggies planted....broccoli and brussel sprouts. And DH put some strawberries and strawberry plants in the field right along the property line (farmer doesn't farm that close to us so it's just weeds). Did more watering as we are trying to get grass to grow....we regret not putting in the sprinkler system when we built but now it's more expensive to do and growing a nice lawn is such a PITA.
    Saturday night we went and saw Spring Awakening, a musical done by a local theater group. It was a pretty good show.

    Sunday we went to a really nice nursery in town and while standing in line to buy, they were handing out chocolate strawberries...the nice big ones....to the ladies for mother's day. I took one and enjoyed it. We ended up buying two more trees....a maple with dark red leaves for the back and a fruitless crabapple that has white blooms for the front. I think that we are done buying trees now. They will plant them early June. A year and a half ago we put in the spruce in the bank and the oak out front. Our yard used to be a farm field so we had no trees at all on the property when we moved in.


    I rarely blow dry my hair. Most of the time it gets washed at night and I don't wash it every day....probably 3-4 times a week depending on how the days fall. I straighten it once in a while....I did this weekend. I have a really hard time getting the back though so most of the time I let it air dry, brush it out and tie it back before bed. Next morning it is wavy when I take the three scrunchies out. My hair curls naturally but right now it's pretty long being just an inch or two from my waist so it's been more wearing waves than curls. Once I chop it off, I will be back to wearing curls more again....which is more work and more hair products. It's weird to think but the longer my hair is, the easier it is to deal with.
    But I will be chopping it off, probably later this year because I have always wanted to donate it once....and probably won't be too far in the future when I'm dying the white out.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  23. #31733

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    I didn't even think about thinner hair Chrissy. That would be much easier to dry. My hair is like a jungle though, extrmely thick, which is why I usually don't even bother blowing it out as it takes nearly an hour and I have to part it in very small sections. It took over an hour last night but I did take breaks to watch Once Upon a Time after it came on. Mine is also very brittle and I've heard that heat can dry out the hair so I just wear it curly most of the time and let it dry by itself. I actually wanted to blow it out because that is the best way I can see how damaged it is so I usually do that twice per year and give myself a haircut. I was planning on only cutting the ends but I think I may do more than that and start up an intensive conditioning regime again. But enough about boring hair stuff....

    I forgot to mention to you all that DH caught a lizard while I was away on my cruise a couple weeks ago and his silly self went to the pet store and bought a habitat for it and everything. I was so POd. It was a small little habitat though and for some reason DH thought that, like Ky's turtle, lizards need to bask in the sun. I told him that it didn't since they are usually always hiding to get away from the sun and I suggested he look it up online. Instead he put the thing out in the sun for an hour and it died. He felt really bad about it too. He had told Elle it was hers since she wanted a pet since Ky has a turtle. I have been telling her she can have a goldfish when she is 6 (and it is so cute because she tells everyone this LOL). Instead of breaking her heart and telling her the lizard died, he told her that it ran away LOL. He caught it at one of Ky's baseball games so the other day one of the mom's of one of the players asked her how her lizard was doing and she just said "Crawley ran away" (Crawley was what she named the lizard) and they were looking at me all confused, like how in the heck do lizards run away so I had to tell them that DH caused it to die (he doesn't like me saying he killed it) and they thought it was funny how serious Elle was about her lizard running away. I kind of felt bad that DH lied to her but I also don't want to endure her grief over Crawley so I decided not to tell her.

    Erin

  24. #31734
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    Oh goodness what was your dh thinking?! If he insisted on keeping the darned thing, the least he could have done was research it! Poor Crawley!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  25. #31735

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    Jennifer, I am so sorry about your mom.

    Chrissy, big hugs. Sorry that Syd took it so hard.

    We are back from our trip to Disney World. We had a blast!! I loved seeing all the sights and sounds through Gilly's eyes. So much fun!!
    Shelley-mom to DS, 6

  26. #31736

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    I have super curly hair and I've only straightened it a handful of times in my life. It takes for.ev.er and if there is any humidity in the air, it springs right back up. I've given up and just let it do it's thing. It's really healthy though. Well, except for the fact that it is falling out like crazy the last few months. Not sure what is going on with that.

    Poor Crawley
    AKA Lisa724

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    Lisa, I think it might be common for woman to lose some hair after birth?

    I lost about 50% of my hair after my surgery 8 years ago. It's really common after that and I had it happen too even though I was hardcore about making sure to get all my protein in. I know some who actually needed wigs after! But I had a lot to start so really only ones who noticed were DH (since he cleans the shower drain!), my mom and my hair dresser. I eventually cut it short (shoulder length) and put in some layers as it was growing back in so it looked ok.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  28. #31738

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    It is normal to lose hair post partum and I did, a ton. But then it stopped about 4mo pp and went back to normal. It started up again around february (7-8ish mo PP) and hasn't gotten better. It's A LOT. Like, a handful as I'm washing my hair and another handful when I'm putting mousse in it. I'm probably going to call and ask my doctor about it soon. I don't have any other symptoms of anything though.
    AKA Lisa724

  29. #31739

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    My hair didn't even start falling out PP until around 7-8 months PP with both kids. With Ky I thought I had male pattern baldness, my whole hairline in the front fell out. I did have some loss all over but because my hair is super thick you couldn't tell really, but I could. I was told it was normal for hair to fall out at the time mine did due to nursing and hormones or something one of my doctors told me. It eventually did grow back.

    Erin

  30. #31740

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    And I don't know what was up with DH with poor Crawley. Usually I am around when he catches critters. This isn't the first time he has caught a lizard. He has also caught snakes before and he has a fascination with large grasshoppers and will put them in cages too. Usually I can convince him not to keep them past a day or two by reminding him of how much he hates to see animals caged at the zoo (he actually won't go to the zoo because of this) and how it is more cruel to keep an animal in a little enclosed area versus the animals in the zoo we go to since they actually have quite a bit of room and the zoologists now have natural habitats for animals to keep them comfortable and more happy. He is like a bad little boy in this area though but I haven't said anything else about Crawley since he really is sad about it. I just hope this reminds him not to catch and bring home animals in the future.

    Erin

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