Funny - I had every intention of having a family bed, having J sleep with us, being a baby-carrying nurturing mom. Within three months, she was not only out of our bed, but in her crib in her own room and we were all happier for it. You just can't predict how things are going to be because you are a different person after you become a mom (and are sleep deprived!), and your baby is his/her own little person too.
Kate - I was thinking about your husband's issues with being too lenient. For a while I was thinking about giving J three poker chips each night to be used every time she wanted to ask a question. You could do that for Josh, that way you could still answer questions and be responsive but it would also give your dh some notion of limiting the behavior that makes him mad and it might help Josh figure out what are important questions and how to limit himself. From my own bedtime issue a few months ago, I realized that the problem wasn't in JoJo but in my response to her need (to not sleep). The solution came from removing emotion, judgement and control and letting J manage her needs on her own (with a certain amount of parental oversight, of course). The poker chip idea might be a graceful way to sidestep what might develop into a power struggle and real problem. Bottom line, just like with J - no one is going to get any sleep if every night ends in a fight. Good luck. Hope I'm not overstepping.
"Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov