Secular Confessions

[daylilies]

That is cute Liz!
I heard a clip of that girl on AI singing Bohemian Rhapsody and I thought she sounded awful. I'm just not a fan of big voices like that I guess. I'm still waiting for NKOTB week...hello?
L, I'm glad R is feeling better.

We are down one kid on the van. The one who never showed up recently. His mom came out the other day and told us he was sent to some facility out of town. We told her to call the office and let them know, and she seemed totally clueless about that, but at least we have word from an adult so we don't have to stop by the house anymore.

[3andMe]

That video was so cool. Incidentally, those are the kinds of guys that I think are totally hot nowadays. Guys that are into their children and having fun with them. Just like back when I first bought my house, I really liked dating general contractors.

[Cosmosmom]

I haven't been to many funerals myself but would guess that it depends on what kind. Like maybe I might say ok to going during the visitation for just a few minutes but not staying for the whole thing?

As for Queen, they have had a few on AI do Queen before, several seasons ago and did a decent job but can't see anyone this season handling it. I hate when they force them to sing one artist....it's so much better when it's a decade or the year you were born....and each can pick something that fits them and their style. I'm not watching anymore this year either....nobody I really care about or could imagine buying an album from.

Started the diet class yesterday at work. Weight was like 10 more than I expected....though I was fully dressed and it was 4pm...at home I'm not wearing shoes and it's morning. But still. Supposed to be working on adding 10 new habits and breaking five bad ones. So far so good. I did miss my drink before bed last night though! And the hard ones for me are no snacking other than fruits/veggies (unbuttered popcorn is ok too), no eating dinner at the TV....which is what we do pretty much 99.9% of the time, eating breakfast every day, no alcohol...considered a sugar/sweet and that is a no-no the first two weeks.
I think that I might actually be able to keep up on this one as people at work know I'm doing it and some are also in class with me.....and I really don't want to look stupid or like a weak pathetic failure in front of coworkers.
I even got myself downstairs and used my elliptical last night. I WILL go down and do it again tonight.

[Cosmosmom]

Oh and I checked in earlier this week with the new social worker but she said that since she's been in the position (basically this year), nobody has requested our portfolio. Not sure how I feel about that. Guess I would feel worse if had gone out 5 times and still nobody wanted to meet us.
I know people waiting the longest have the dear birth mom letters at the front of the book. I would think most start at the front but after a while they start to run together and probably the first ones make the biggest impression for most girls.

So than i also found out that come July/August we will need to a year update on a good portion of the paperwork. Including another health check from our doctor. THAT annoys me because we tried a HSA high deductible plan for this year. Figuring that we only usually go 1-2 times a year most years tops. Now that is two doc visits we have to do that we hadn't planned on doing....I might have just stayed with the traditional higher premium if I had known that. I mean I don't mind paying for a doc if we really need too....like last week when DH's ear canal was swollen shut. But to go JUST to get some stupid paperwork done....that will probably cost like $300. Especially when last year we had extensive physicals for the agency.

I also probably should start thinking about a new family picture as we have Poogie now....that is not going to be easy to get a picture of the girls both looking good AND Dh....he hates doing pictures and it's hard to get his eyes open and a nice smile on. And than I should probably also update the Cosmo page in our portfolio to be a Cosmo/Molly page.....well at least I'm a little better scrapbooking now! And while I'm at it, might as well look at the dear birth mom letter and see if we need to change that up a bit to be more eye catching.

And here I thought we were done with paperwork last year! I do get antsy sometimes with the waiting.....but on the other hand, if we wait long enough, we might just end up with a safe haven baby. In my state, when a baby is dropped off as a newborn at a hospital or police or firestation...no questions are asked. After social services is done making sure that it's not a missing or kidnapped baby, they than put in calls to places like my agency. Agency than offers the baby to the family that has been waiting the longest. Con would be likely no medical history....Pro would be no birth family to deal with/no open adoption. Often open adoptions go great....but sometimes the birth family can be difficult and demanding.

[daylilies]

That video was so cool. Incidentally, those are the kinds of guys that I think are totally hot nowadays. Guys that are into their children and having fun with them. Just like back when I first bought my house, I really liked dating general contractors.

Me too, it's so cute when dads are good with their kids. It's sad that it's a rarity.

[Ky'sMom]

I also would have mixed feelings about the funeral Bridget. I do think it is good to consider the child's feelings but honestly I probably wouldn't let her go since it is not family, unless she was a true, dear friend to Savana.

Also, like the other ladies said, you don't know how the funeral will be. I have only been to black people's funerals and they are rather long, think the Whitney Houston funeral, pretty much every funeral I have ever been to has been at least 3 hours and that doesn't include the trip to the cemetary. Ky has only been to one funeral, my great grandmother's who died in 2008. He thought it was rather sad and was emotional even though he didn't know her. I think because my oldest nephew, who adored our Granny was constantly in tears during the service and he, like me, doesn't like to see other people cry, it makes us cry more.But I always love the music, even though this is a Secular room, I love gospel songs. My grandmother's funeral was my favorite. She was a member of a gospel/spiritual choir (she was a trained singer and musical director of many choirs in her life) and they were just fantastic at her wake and funeral. They sang her favorite songs, about 6 of them and it made me happy since I knew they were her favorites from learning them with her over the years. Ky didn't go to her funeral, it was actually on his 2nd birthday and even though he was only 2 I didn't to chance him remembering a sad event as a part of his birthday.

So good to hear R is doing better L. I also get whiny and loopy on hydrocodene and rarely take it due to that, I just take horse pill Motrin/Ibruprofen now for most all pain. And baby S's pee swimming made me giggle too! It is impressive he is PTing himself but I can see how it can be frustrating right now.

Jen I can see how it would make you have mixed emotions about your portfolio. I know I would probably be really sad and confused in your position. It would be great if you could get a safe haven baby. It always upsets me when I hear about people causing newborns to die, throwing them away in the trash and things, especially since most states have these laws and those babies could easily be placed with loving people who are waiting to be parents like you and your DH.

Erin

[girlwonder]

I'm sorry I can't respond about the death - I can't read about it. The funeral would be difficult for S. I wonder if you can plan a day where all the kids can get together and talk about the girl and send flowers into the river like you mentioned. That way they can say goodbye without having to be around all the scary grief that is going to be happening at the funeral. Can you talk to the teacher or the other parents and see if they would be interested in that?

I need some advice: Some of you may remember a couple of times that I had breathing problems. I went to the dr. and there was nothing wrong with my heart of lungs, etc. Long story short, I have been denied supplemental life insurance because of my breathing problems with unknown etiology. The insurance is not a big deal, but now I am wondering what I should do about the denial. I am worried that this one denial over something that doesn't exist (perhaps stress-related?) will cause other insurance companies to deny me for things that matter. Am I correct in thinking that this one denial will go into my records so other insurance companies will see it as a red flag and be more likely to deny me coverage? My mom is of the opinion that this is so, but to try to fight the denial will only cause more paperwork which will only add weight to the matter and make it more of a thing than it already is. I don't know what the correct thing to do is.

[3andMe]

Katy, I don't think other supplemental insurance companies would be able to see that denial or the reason for it, unless there is a question FOR YOU on forms asking if you have ever been turned down before. Legally I don't think insurance companies are allowed to share your information with other companies, you know? However, the fact that you have been denied by one company means that you are more likely to be turned down by another, because they often have similar policies. I am no insurance expert, though, so you could ask in Random and see if anyone there knows.

I was denied disability insurance because of chronic headaches, even though they had never resulted in any days off work. I was very upset about it. I ended up being able to get it eventually during an open enrollment period through work, no medical background check required. I know by this point that I would be turned down entirely for life or disability, no matter what, just because of my past medical history. They tend to deny for just a whiff of anything.

[Inca]

Isn't that some BS too that they can deny someone insurance because of something like that? I mean heck, I have asthma. If I wasn't on state insurance, I'm sure I'd be screwed, or else paying out the rear for decent insurance.

[Cosmosmom]

Yup it can be hard to get insurance. The only way I can get things like disability and life is through work. So any chance I get to up it, I do. At least that way we figure we could get the house paid off plus some and really if we didn't have the house payment, that would be a decent chunk of money.
As for health insurance, I don't know anyone who can buy it private. My sister tried a few years ago and got denied everywhere. Due to prior ear surgeries even though it had been over 5 years since the last one. Another I know got kicked off her private one and denied everywhere else for a history of endo. Thankfully my state has a high risk pool and my sister go in there.
My MIL would love to retire but can't get medicare for 4 more years....and cannot afford cobra. and the high risk pool at her age would be like 600 a month with a 5k deductible.

the whole thing sucks.

[Inca]

Yeah and being self employed, it's depressing to think that if I made more money than I actually do, I'd probably be uninsured, meaning I'd have to pay out of pocket for my inhalers every month. ****ed if you do, ****ed if you don't.

[raspberry]

I don't watch AI, but I do like Wayne and Garth's version of Bohemian Rhapsody, on Wayne's World.

Jennifer, the waiting must be really hard. It is definitely time for a new family photo, must have Poogie in there.

We are so lucky to have good insurance coverage through dh's work. It's one of the big reasons we are not moving now, since dh has a good job with benefits. When we met, we talked about moving to a smaller town in South Carolina. But the economy is so depressed in that area, I don't know if it will ever happen.

I have attended two funerals in my life, 1st was my brother's FIL and it was very traditional, and 2nd was my mother's. Before my mom even got sick, she always said I don't want a funeral, I want a wake, with a lot of good food, and laughing, and music. Which is exactly what we did. We requested nobody wear black. We played her favorite country music during her wake. The wake was at our family friend's home with everyone wearing Hawaiian lei's, my mom loved Hawaii, with tons of food, and everyone talking about my mom. Her name was Ruthe, and it means "friend" she lived up to that name 100%

My boy is so exhausting in the evening. No matter how active I keep him during the day, he still acts so wild from about 5-8pm(bedtime) He won't listen to either me or dh when we tell him to calm down. If we tell him to go to his room to settle down, he cries. I will be glad when this phase is over.

[raspberry]

Liz, I love that video!

Something like that wouldn't occur to my dh. He would think it was funny in a movie scene, but he would never do it IRL. I would be the one to do it, and I just may have to remember to do that. Especially since neither I or ds are morning people, so we need Freddie Mercury to wake us up. I love the idea of those random moments that your kids will always remember. Like the dad that picks up his kid early from school so they can attend the opening of the big new movie. Or the mom that celebrates Groundhog Day with ice skating and Chinese take-out.

[daylilies]

The random moments comment from Shelley reminded me of something that happened tonight! DH came home late and Josh was upstairs, all ready for bed. DH said he had something on his ipod to play for me. He has some NKOTB songs on his Ipod (some of the upbeat ones he says aren't tooooo horrible LOL) and he had paused one of their songs at my favorite part. He played it for me and Josh started yelling from upstairs to turn it off because he was trying to go to sleep!

DH started dancing goofily at the bottom of the stairs so Josh could see him and Josh just started busting out laughing. DH picked up Josh and they danced around for a while. Josh was loving it and it was one of those moments where I wished DH was always like that.

[missychrissy]

I love those kinds of moments. I wish everyone could have more of them.

[Bridget]

I love Wayne's World! My bff and I used to quote that movie constantly. "Exsqueeze me. Baking powder" lol
Kate, how are things on the homefront?
Jennifer, it does seem like you just finished the last portfolio! But I can't wait to see the new pics.

We did not go to the funeral. When I picked her up from school I asked how she was feeling about it and she said she wasn't sure and did I think it was ok if she didn't go. I assured her it was and we made some other plans for honoring her classmates memory. She talked a bit more about it tonight as before she said she didn't want to talk or think about it. She said she never really plays with the girl but that everyone likes her. I asked her what she liked best about her and she said, "Because she's different like me" and I thought that was a sweet thing to say even though I didn't press for exactly what that meant.

Speaking of being different than her peers, I was super impressed with dbf today. Savana just got new sneakers that she picked out and they are grey and black very plain looking ones she got in the boy's section. She was very sure she wanted no sparkly, princess stuff. She came flailing and sulking into the living room last night saying how everyone told her she was wearing boy shoes. I was about to tell her not to worry what anyone thought and that it only matters if she likes them, which probably wouldn't have helped very much. Dbf, without skipping a beat, said, "Sweet! They noticed! High five!" Savana got a big smile on her face and high fived him.

The big galoot really comes through sometimes.

[daylilies]

Aww! It's those moments that keep us with our moronic dbf's/DH's, isn't it?

I haven't spoken to him about how he treated me the other night. I figured I'd wait until I'm not on my period so he knows I'm not being oversensitive and then ask him (again) not to treat me like that during that time of the month anymore. I was also going to dig up that article about manipulative behavior for him. I don't know if anyone here has it bookmarked or anything. If not, I can probably find it.

I heard from the woman who told me I was mentioned for the religious education committee and it looks like I'm in They only meet once a month, usually before or after church, so there shouldn't be a scheduling conflict for me.

[Gwenn]

Aww, both of those "moments" are so sweet!

I hope you can make your DH understand how insensitive that is, Kate.

[3andMe]

Aw, I'm happy to hear about the men behaving well.

Here is the article about gaslighting. I don't know if it's the original source, but it's the same article. If you Google gaslighting, it's usually within the first five or ten results.

My kids were all screaming and crying at each other and just in general during dinner tonight, and well before that, actually. When DH called to say he was on his way home tonight, I let him know that his day must have been better than mine. He said "How can you know for sure?" I said that he could not possibly have had so many people crying on him, and there is no way he could have been retrieving someone from a bathroom who did not belong in there as many times as I was. He retorted that there were things about his boss I didn't know and didn't want to know. Still, he got home and realized what I meant when he couldn't even talk to me over all the crying. I couldn't even finish my dinner because I had to tend to the crying.

Luckily, they all went to sleep early.

And yes, I read Bridget's other post, and I realized that even through all the crying and exasperation tonight, I am still always grateful for them even when they are so miserable they can't speak.

[missychrissy]

We had a rough evening with Conner last night too. It was nothing compared to what you went through though L. Of course, I only had 1 to contend with. One of the milder things he did was decide to walk over from where he was painting a picture and start painting on the wall. Right in front of us! The poor boy had seen a commercial for paints that you can write on bathtubs with. The kids had been painting on the bathroom wall with it in the commercial. He took that to mean all paints were safe on all walls! But other than that, he was a hellion. Rich ended up putting him to bed early.

[Bridget]

Hugs to all the rough moments. Sometimes when I can tell my kids are on the edge, tired and whiny, I feel like I'm walking a minefield trying to avoid the meltdown.

Jennifer, forgot to say I am so proud of you for starting the weight loss journey but BOO to no evening cocktail! Just 2 weeks though. Did you get your excersize in last night?

[MashedUp]

I hate those nights of having to avoid tantrums. Most nights DD is golden, but occasionally, she is just not herself and it's a disaster. DH especially does not know how to deal with it and is an instigator. grrrrrrrrrr

[daylilies]

I just wanted to update that due to my fragile emotional state this week I did not start couch to 5k. However I plan on doing it right after I finish eating my late breakfast!

Sorry you had a rough night too Chrissy!
I am so afraid something similar will happen with Josh. With all the cool paints and crayons and stuff out right now I have to be really careful to emphasize where he can and cannot use these things. I bought him some window crayons for his Easter basket and DH looked at me like really? you're going to risk that? But I would rather encourage his creativity than not even bother trying.

[Ky'sMom]

I also am sorry for the rough nights. Elle usually is pretty mild at bedtimes, she does get overly frantic though when she is tired, frantically happy and giggly, it is pretty hilarious to me. She got that way last night as Ky had a baseball game (on a school night for some reason) and I didn't get to go to the ones last week (they had 2 last week that I missed due to the cruise). So Elle and I went and the game wasn't over until around 8:45. Elle usually gets in bed by 8 and is asleep between 8:30 and 9pm so she was acting really goofy towards the end of the game and running around me in circles while screeching in delight. A 2 year old boy joined her and they were both running and laughing and I thought I would fall over as they were making me dizzy so I had to tell them to stop. Then she started running back and forth across the grass near the bleachers. She was still screeching laughs and in between laughs was yelling "I WANT TO GO HOME" and all the adults were agreeing with her. It was pretty funny IMO. When the game was finally over and I told her to come on so we could get in the van she didn't want to go until I reminded her that she said she wanted to go home. Then she said "yeah, I forgot" and happily followed us and then complained all the way home that her back was itching and that she needed a scratching hand and how she couldn't reach her back, so Ky scratched her back for her and she just went on and on about how another spot was itching. So we had a funny evening. Ky's team finally won a game so I was happy I went but I don't know why they would have games on a school night.

Erin

[Suja]

Is it a full moon or something? What's up with all the crazy kids?

Yesterday, Mira went to school with no pants on! She fought us tooth and nail about it, until I said fine, you go to school in your undies. I thought she'd change her mind once she got there, but nope. So we get to class and her teacher says 'My friend, you need to put your pants on. Your pants cover your body.', and she goes 'Okay', sits down, and pulls it on herself! And after weeks of her getting up many, many times in the middle of the night (I want to go downstairs, mama go downstairs and get milky from the fridge, I go downstairs and sleep with doggy, Take my shirt off, followed by I'm cold, I want a shirt, I want to eat eggs, I want to go see foxie, ...), she actually slept last night, waking up only once! I actually got a 4 hour stretch of sleep, which hasn't happened in recent memory.

[daylilies]

Yay for sleep!

We're going out to see Joel McHale (I think someone mention they were a fan...Karen?) But we didn't notice until a few nights ago that the show starts at 10. We assumed it started at 7 or 8 like most things like that. So it's going to be a late night!

I just did a bit of Couch to 5k. Not bad...

[raspberry]

I LOVE Joel McHale!!! Have fun!!

[Cosmosmom]

Oh my was it a full moon or something???? Even my girls got in trouble last night! We were out front getting the mail. A woman with a kid on a bike....and a bichon on a leash walked past. Cosmo ended up in the freaking street and wouldn't stay or come when called so I went to get her. Poogie decided that would be a great time to ignore the fence and run through it so she was practically in the street. I scooped her under one arm and dragged Cosmo by the scruff of her neck back into the yard. I was so embarrassed by my naughty girls and top it off the lady said her's was an aggressive boy with other dogs. Though might have done them good if he had nipped them. (he was a SMALL bichon...well under 10 lbs and both mine are at least double him). They got yelled at, Cosmo got a tap on her behind....I expect way more than that from her. She so knows better and I was shocked that she ignored me like that. She keeps that up, she's getting a shocker collar as well. And Poogie has done so well with staying in the boundries and backing up when she hears the beep that I can't believe she ran though. Now we are going to up the shock a level because that is just unacceptable. I mean I'm the last house on a dead end street BUT we still get cars that turn around there sometimes and going in the street is something that is absolutely unacceptable.

And yeah today is day 3....didn't do too bad yesterday. Course this morning I was like, hmmm pants aren't any looser yet. DH goes mine are....and proceeds to show me how his jeans (no stretch like mine) can fall off without unzipping or undoing the button. I wanted to smack him....that is sooooo annoying! Big change for us to eat dinner at the table and not in front of the TV. I mean I know that isn't great but we always planned to eat at the table with a baby/kid...but just the two of us....well dinner was when we watched Young and Restless. LOL
This is the plan I'm doing. https://store.mayoclinic.com/product...acement=bottom We were given this book and the companion journal (which is really nice and useful). Seems very sensible and doable.

And yeah I did exercise two nights in a row. And will do it again tonight. First night I was at 11 min on the elliptical, last night 12. Goal is eventually to be able to do 30 minutes on that thing.

Probably will be a while before I have drinks in the house though....I have NO self control when I like something a lot and if it's there, I will drink it.
I still cannot believe that I put on something like 60 lbs trying to pg....

[Suja]

Jennifer, I've been working out for roughly 2 months, watching what I eat and working out seriously for about a month. DH joined me about 3 weeks ago. He doesn't workout as religiously, doesn't watch what he eats, and lots of times, kind of does the workout half-a$$ed. Guess who is seeing great muscle definition? Yeah, not me! It's unfair, but I will get to my goals, sooner or later.

I hope the diet/lifestyle changes you're incorporating works well for you. What I find is that for me, deprivation does not work. For my diet/exercise regimen to stick, it has to be something sustainable, something I can do for the rest of eternity.

[Inca]

Omg, we're talking bedtimes? I've been loathing bedtime lately. Seriously at my wits end. Normally I nurse Seren to sleep while dbf reads R his books. Once they're done I head in for songs and hugs/kisses but omgomgomg it takes nearly an hour to get him to even LAY in the dang bed. I get him to lay down for 30 seconds and he pops back up. Or he starts kicking his feet, or kicking ME, or shaking his head frantically back and forth. Or he yells or screams and he has to be quiet so Seren can stay sleeping. Because the few times he's woken her due to all this, she starts screaming and so I am in a panic because I've got one screaming crying baby and one screaming defiant 4 year old. I feel so bad because I've lost my cool SO SO many times over this behaviour that I'm just at a loss as to what to do. Seriously, last night was horrible and after I finally got him to lay down and stay down, I went in to my bedroom and cried a little bit. Bedtimes are the pits here. Definitely not my finest parenting. But at the end of the day when I'm frazzled from everything else that has happened during the day and I just want to wind down and he acts like that, I often lose it. And then I look back and feel terrible for how I reacted.