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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #31231
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    Kate. I don't know how to answer that question because Rich always validated my feelings. I'm sorry.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  2. #31232

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    This might work, Kate. It worked on dbf who acts like I'm being insane any time I get upset about anything. After that article was shared here regarding the matter, and he did that whole, "whoa, crazy lady alert" look when I was talking to him about something I called him out on it. I said, "You know, that is a textbook manipulation tactic when you do that. Men who are abusive or overbearing try to make their partners feel like they are crazy so they stop trusting their own feelings and stop speaking up when something is not right."
    He got all bent that I insinuated he was an abuser so I stressed to him that I don't think he is that at all but that he is exhibiting behaviors of controlling men and that if I was a weaker woman I might just believe I was crazy. (He would actually say to me, "You're crazy", at times)

    He has not done it since I said that to him. And this is a man who is tough to change. But no man wants to be associated with strong words like controlling, manipulative, abusive. I hope that's not considered playing dirty but it sure did get the job done.

  3. #31233

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    He laughed at me last time I compared him to manipulators and abusers. He didn't care at all that I was comparing him to that, he just thought I was all the more delusional for it.

    I'm starting to think I married a real *******. Of course, my hormones being all out of wack isn't helping.

    In good news, I just got a message from a mom friend at church who is on the nominating committee. She told me my name came up when they were discussing filling some holes in the religious education committee--the committee that handles the curriculum for preschool through high school kids.

    I told her I'd be interested, if it works with my schedule. It can be kind of weird between my work and DH's work and finding care for Josh during meetings if necessary (although they're usually good about having a teenager or two on hand if child care is needed).

    Between this and my new mod gig at livejournal, I feel like some things are falling into place, at least.
    edited because I felt weird about the a word being there, LOL
    Last edited by daylilies; 04-25-2012 at 07:24 PM.

  4. #31234

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    Woah.. I didn't think it would let the a-word through. Sorry...

  5. #31235
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    Kate, you don't deserve that. He is being an asshole. And a ****-head. But it won't let me call him that.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  6. #31236
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    How is it that it will censor the man's name **** but it doesn't censor asshole? Just bizarre.

    Saw one of my old professors today (well, actually she isn't a professor but a clinical instructor). She led a professional development and I was sitting there thinking, I learned more from this PD today than any other PD I've ever attended that was run through work. And she used the word "cosmesis." Put me in my place for thinking I knew all kinds of big, fancy words like "velopharyngeal." Cosmesis is brand-new to me. It was great to see her again - she actually came to my wedding! her. And I got all kinds of great ideas for work - especially some great iPad apps to try when testing kids.

    Funny thing was, a coworker of mine was there who has probably been working in the field 20 years or so. Apparently this woman also had my clinical instructor as her first clinical instructor! That must have been a long time ago, and she can't be any younger than the other woman is. Actually she looks older. Too funny.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  7. #31237
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    The check engine light came on. This ought to be fun.

  8. #31238

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    Aw Suja! No!

    Savana came home from school saying she wants to go to the funeral. I do not think that is a good idea and I am telling her so. She can't understand why since she says other kids in her class are going. I told her it's going to be very sad and difficult and I do not think it will be a good way for her to deal with her feelings about it. I believe she is thinking only of my mom's funeral, which was very sweet and filled with beautiful music, and all her cousins and everyone showering her with love and affection. My dad was so adamant that the children at the funeral be left alone and not told to sit down and be quiet so it was a pretty free atmosphere.
    I don't think it's a good idea.

  9. #31239

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    The check engine light came on. This ought to be fun.
    My check engine light is on. It's an expensive part I can't do right now so I'm letting it go for a little bit.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Aw Suja! No!

    Savana came home from school saying she wants to go to the funeral. I do not think that is a good idea and I am telling her so. She can't understand why since she says other kids in her class are going. I told her it's going to be very sad and difficult and I do not think it will be a good way for her to deal with her feelings about it. I believe she is thinking only of my mom's funeral, which was very sweet and filled with beautiful music, and all her cousins and everyone showering her with love and affection. My dad was so adamant that the children at the funeral be left alone and not told to sit down and be quiet so it was a pretty free atmosphere.
    I don't think it's a good idea.
    If you think it'll bother her too much then you're probably right.

  10. #31240

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    Kate, hugs.

    I cannot imagine anything more sad than a child's funeral, I can see why you wouldn't want her to attend. How will she feel if her classmates attend and she does not?
    Shelley-mom to DS, 6

  11. #31241
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Aw Suja! No!

    Savana came home from school saying she wants to go to the funeral. I do not think that is a good idea and I am telling her so. She can't understand why since she says other kids in her class are going. I told her it's going to be very sad and difficult and I do not think it will be a good way for her to deal with her feelings about it. I believe she is thinking only of my mom's funeral, which was very sweet and filled with beautiful music, and all her cousins and everyone showering her with love and affection. My dad was so adamant that the children at the funeral be left alone and not told to sit down and be quiet so it was a pretty free atmosphere.
    I don't think it's a good idea.
    Hmm...I dunno Bridget. I guess there's no 'right' answer but I remember being left out of my uncle's funeral because my family thought it would be too sad and it haunted me for years. I remember being 15 and for whatever reason it bubbled up and I really lost it in a big way at my grandparent's house (my uncle's parents) in front of my dad and I threw it in his face. Ironically, later that same year our health teacher (a man I had tremendous respect for for a variety of reasons) talked about children and funerals and he felt that keeping them out is actually harmful, especially if they express an interest in going. It struck a chord with me and I promised myself at that moment I'd never, ever keep my children out of a funeral no matter how young they were. And it happened...when they were little they attended church regularly with my dad and his wife. One of the members was a young woman a year or two older than me that had gone to my high school. She always had medical problems and ultimately succumbed to them at 29. My girls wanted to attend her funeral, and I took them. I never regretted it, even though they were terribly sad.

    I'm definitely not trying to tell you your wrong or anything, but perhaps reconsider from a different point of view. I'll support you in whatever you decide of course. I hate telling people what I think about parenting, especially if it's contrary to what they want to do. I simply really feel very strong about this.

    It's no joke, parenting is the hardest job on the planet. Ice Road Truckers got nothing on us.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  12. #31242

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    Shelley, I have to wonder if many are actually going. I would be surprised, actually, unless they were also friends of the family.
    Chrissy, I totally see everything you are saying. I am struggling with this decision. She didn't bring it up again after the original conversation but I have been thinking about it all night. I have been trying to think of other ways I could offer her the opportunity to say goodbye. I thought of picking some flowers and throwing them into the lake.
    Last edited by Bridget; 04-25-2012 at 07:44 PM.

  13. #31243
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    It's not an easy decision. It's one I wish none of us ever had to consider.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  14. #31244
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    I don't know what I think on that subject. My rational side says a funeral is a really traumatic event for a little kid. On the other hand, I remember asking to go to my grandmother's funeral when I was about 4 1/2. My parents chose not to take me and I remember being very upset by their decision. I don't really remember my grandmother and I wonder if I might at least have had a memory of saying goodbye to her if I had gone?

    Good luck with your decision.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  15. #31245

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    That is true, the children may only think they are going. The flowers are a nice idea, Savana will want to remember her friend in some way.
    Shelley-mom to DS, 6

  16. #31246
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    I do think she should be allowed to say goodbye in some way. Maybe ask her what she thinks will happen, so you can figure out how close it is to reality. Maybe you can go visit after, or plant a tree in her memory.

  17. #31247
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    Will they have calling hours? Perhaps taking her to that, as well as having a little ceremony of your own at her grave site will suffice?

    I'm just tossing out ideas. I'm sure you've run the gauntlet of them yourself by now...and then some.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  18. #31248
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    Can I insert an unrelated, stupid comment?

    Anyone watch American Idol tonight? I thought Jessica singing Bohemian Rhapsody was a huge mistake - she had no idea how to interpret the song. Just completely did not work for me. The judges just told her she sounded pretty. She did sound pretty - just totally wrong. Why won't anyone come out and say that?

    /rant. Back to our scheduled serious discussion.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  19. #31249
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    I can't get into Idol this season. They're just not doing it for me. I liked Colton, but they voted him out last week. When I heard they were doing Queen tonight, I decided right then I wasn't going to listen. No one can do them I think it's a mistake, cruel even, to ask them to try.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  20. #31250
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    Some of the performances have actually been really good. Joshua singing Crazy Little Thing Called Love was amazing. But asking a 16 year old girl to sing Bohemian Rhapsody is just plain wrong. I doubt there is a 16 year old in the world who can sing it.

    ETA: I don't think there is really anyone who can sing it now that Freddy Mercury is gone.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 04-25-2012 at 08:58 PM.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  21. #31251
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    Mandy, I hate 'Queen' week on these sort of shows. Even when the contestants do well, they can't come close to being good enough. As my music obsessed BIl likes to say, 'Freddie Mercury IS God'.

  22. #31252
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    That's kinda how I feel. I've never, ever heard a 'good' Queen song done by anyone other than Queen.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  23. #31253
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    There are certain songs and singers it's just best not to go there. You WILL look bad in comparison.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  24. #31254
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    I would have a hard time having a child attend a funeral, unless it was going to be a very informal funeral with a lot of freedom and understanding. I agree with talking through her expectations and trying to steer her through saying goodbye in her own way, if possible.

    My check engine light is on, too. I know what it is and know that it's not dangerous to drive like this, because DH analyzed it to get the code first and then I even took it into the shop to get it fixed and they spent all day on it and couldn't fix it without ordering another part, but now I can't find another day to get it back in there. So now I'm driving around with it like this. It's even under warranty, so it won't cost anything.

    I do not watch American Idol, but I can't imagine anyone singing Queen except Queen.


  25. #31255
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    L, how is Ro doing with his recovery? I've been thinking about him.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  26. #31256
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    He's doing well. He's been really loving the Lego set I got him. I have been sleeping on the trundle next to him each night for the past two nights. The first night he woke up in the middle of the night and needed pain medicine, and last night he did not wake up. He is still walking funny. He is being a bit whinier than usual. Tomorrow is his last day of hydrocodone pain meds and then he goes to regular Tylenol. He also gets to have a bath. It is really hard keeping the other kids from wrestling with him and keeping him from being too active already. I can't imagine another 2 1/2 weeks of keeping him on activity restrictions.

    Doubly hard is that Baby S. is ripping off his diaper and running to the bathroom to use the toilet sometimes as many as 5 times in 10 minutes, and kicks and screams when I try to put a pull-up or diaper or even underwear back on him. But he can still walk out of the bathroom and pee on the floor and then belly-flop down into it and try to dog-paddle in it. This morning while I was pushing the trundle back in and Ro was pleading for me to get his Legos out and saying he couldn't wait just one more minute, Baby S. stripped himself and went to the bathroom and pooped in the toilet and left all of his clothes in a big pile on the floor along with his overnight diaper, and then ran all over the living room, without having wiped himself. Baby S. is being very very time-consuming right when I'm very glad Ro doesn't need all that much attention, except he keeps wanting me to put Legos together with him and I am having a hard time sitting down with him ever. I'm really glad DH took two days off work and my mom was here today.

    I was really not ready for potty training, and I'm kind of equally annoyed and pleased that S. is trying to potty-train himself. I was hoping to get our next road trip to Santa Barbara done while he was still in diapers, before we had to stop every 30 minutes for a potty crisis.
    Last edited by 3andMe; 04-25-2012 at 11:11 PM.


  27. #31257

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    to Ronin and you too Lydia. Hydrocodone makes me extremely whiny and morose, so maybe the switch to Tylenol will change his mood... not that it will be any easier to keep him from being active. And can you pack a potty in the car? Or maybe you already do?

    Bridget, can you and Savana make some baked goods and a card for the grieving family? That's some way she could participate in the process of grieving and support without attending the funeral. I really don't know if I would want my LO to attend, and it would be easier for me to justify saying "no" because it's not a family member who passed away.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  28. #31258
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    L. I'm glad you have help. I always feel slightly guilty that I'm not dealing with a difficult toddler or preschooler when I read posts like the above. Wish I were nearby and could help you out. That really is amazing that S is ready to potty train, though.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  29. #31259
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    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    Doubly hard is that Baby S. is ripping off his diaper and running to the bathroom to use the toilet sometimes as many as 5 times in 10 minutes, and kicks and screams when I try to put a pull-up or diaper or even underwear back on him. But he can still walk out of the bathroom and pee on the floor and then belly-flop down into it and try to dog-paddle in it. This morning while I was pushing the trundle back in and Ro was pleading for me to get his Legos out and saying he couldn't wait just one more minute, Baby S. stripped himself and went to the bathroom and pooped in the toilet and left all of his clothes in a big pile on the floor along with his overnight diaper, and then ran all over the living room, without having wiped himself. Baby S. is being very very time-consuming right when I'm very glad Ro doesn't need all that much attention, except he keeps wanting me to put Legos together with him and I am having a hard time sitting down with him ever. I'm really glad DH took two days off work and my mom was here today.

    I was really not ready for potty training, and I'm kind of equally annoyed and pleased that S. is trying to potty-train himself. I was hoping to get our next road trip to Santa Barbara done while he was still in diapers, before we had to stop every 30 minutes for a potty crisis.
    Uh, I'm sorry I laughed. I empathize, but it's funny at the same time. I think I need him to spend time with Conner. Just last night I asked Conner if he needed to go potty and he said no, and then within 3 minutes he wet his pants. He said, "I'm sorry Mommy I lied. I did have to pee." :sigh: I love him, but I'm getting exasperated with this potty training.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  30. #31260
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    Ok WAY off topic here, but this brightened my morning. Love me some Queen and love how the kids throw up their rock hands during the song... http://gawker.com/5905312/dad-leads-...ped-for-school

    **Lizzo**

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