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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #31081
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    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    I stayed up way too late and Baby S. woke up way too early. Grumble. I was reading an interesting article last night about how children have better memories than people realize, and that between age 2 and 3 they can be laying down memories that carry into adulthood, and they are more likely to have earlier and stronger memories if they have reviews of their past with emotive language. So memories are cultural, in a way, because there are certain cultures with rich traditions of story-telling about past events and the children have consistent early memories starting on average at 2 1/2, earlier in general than other children. My children love spending time sitting on my lap and looking at pictures of themselves on the computer, reviewing photo albums from places we go and things we do, and asking questions about them. In addition to all the other things, I am pleased to think that this might be contributing to their memory storage and retrieval. My earliest memory was very early, and my mother also does a lot of discussion and review about shared past experiences.

    Have fun you cruisers!

    I was reading a scientific article about atheists this morning while trying to clear my head and drink my coffee. I will post it for you.

    http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...cience+News%29

    It discusses how atheists have the lowest social acceptance rates of any group that Americans are asked about (including Muslims, gays, feminists, or recent immigrants), and shows how reminding respondents that secular authority, such as police and government, actually can help people trust atheists more.
    And people wonder why many of us are "in the closet" so to speak. I think though, and maybe I am wrong, that this belief is held more by older people. Like, I am still young, (almost) 25, and I think that many people my age, at least in my circle of people I know, are non-religious. Not most by a long haul, but I think in general they seem to be more tolerable to people who are "not like them." But maybe I'm just wishfully thinking and I'm way off base?
    Last edited by Inca; 04-20-2012 at 09:03 AM.

    **Lizzo**

  2. #31082
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    I think my first real memory isn't until I was almost 5 and my sister was born. But it's hard to tell because I have a lot of memories earlier BUT I also grew up with tons of pictures of myself as well as home movies of myself. My dad likes his technology and of course had the equipment to take lots of home movies.

    I'm not very out about my beliefs now. But I was in college and didn't have any issues. And that was when I considered myself atheist and was attending a catholic university. Course now I have come to realize that Catholics are fairly sane in their beliefs (growing up most I knew were Catholic or Lutheran). I didn't realize until coming to APA that people actually thought the bible was literal. And now I'm in the agnostic camp and do have a church I associate with.
    If I had actually come out and said I was atheist, our adoption agency would not have taken us. But luckily we consider ourselves UU and just wrote up a statement about the beliefs and that was accepted. Good thing....I would have lied and said I was Christian but DH was not willing. But we both do believe and support the UU principles (really I think that anyone here would).

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  3. #31083
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    Really? The adoption agency would not accept you if you were atheist?? Is it through a church group or something? And I've heard about UU, but never looked into it. The most I know about it is that they held a "gay prom" that I went to with a bunch of my gay friends when I was a freshman in HS.

    **Lizzo**

  4. #31084
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    Yeah I don't think that they would have. This is their mission statement and is printed on everything "Motivated by the compassion of Christ, we promote security for children."

    But we are not currently atheists but also not christian. I really like UU church just wish that it was an hour later Sunday morning!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  5. #31085
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    I also don't classify myself as atheist. I just don't believe in the Christian "God" or "Jesus." Though, I was raised to believe such and did until middle school or so. You know, I'm not even sure my family knows that. I just don't talk about religion with them. I'm sure my mom has an idea I don't believe. Though, my grandpa is super churchy and sometimes talks about church stuff, I just kinda smile and nod.

    **Lizzo**

  6. #31086
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    But yeah I kinda don't like the "organized" part of religion, UU or otherwise. I may believe in things that they believe, but I wouldn't ever categorize myself. I do understand doing it though for a "cause" such as adoption. Just like, for vaccination purposes, I have to claim "religious" exemption.

    **Lizzo**

  7. #31087
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    Yeah the agency is religious but not like some where you have to be that specific religion. They just want you to have some beliefs in something. I would have totally lied if needed though.....DH wouldn't.
    The agency is really good so I wanted to be with them. They do a lot of work with the birth moms and working so they hopefully make the right decison for them (be it parenting or adoption). They also have reasonable enough fees and protection in place for us financially....other agencies I had talked to felt like they were just out for our money and we could have easily lost thousands if things fell through.
    I am glad that I didn't have to lie though!

    Nobody in my family is really religious but DH's got some in his. Not going to argue about it with grandpa in his 90's.

    I do like the organized aspect myself. I like it when I do go, the sense of community and ritual. I just don't like getting up and dressed before 9:30 on a Sunday.

    Funny about the "religious" exemption for vaxes. Won't need that myself as I'm definitely pro-vax....I get my own including flu since I work in a hospital, I get them for my doggies, and will do them on schedule for my kid. Actually I need to get an updated one next dr visit as I worry about whooping cough and will be having an infant in the house hopefully in the next year or so.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  8. #31088

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    All of the older generation of my relatives are big time Catholics. My dad I'm not so sure about anymore. He says he finds his God in the back yard under the oak tree. To me that means he doesn't believe what we were raised to believe and I'm glad about that. Too much guilt in that if you ask me. I think my parents left their church like the day they found out my brother was gay. I will always admire them for that. Old habits can die hard but they got the heck out and never looked back.

  9. #31089
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    We selectively/delay vaccinate. So far I've not needed to claim religious exemption, though I will when Remy starts preschool in the fall. ((I can't believe I just said that!! I'm still so shocked that I'm sending him)) Anywho, yeah. Whooping cough is one of the few we DID vax for, thankfully, because he was exposed to a little girl who had it a while back and although he still got it, (self dx'ed) he only got it mildly. I know that's what it was because he was around the little girl, then gets sick 2 days later with a cough. Then I see on her mom's FB that "so and so went to the doc and has whooping cough" so I knew. But yeah, it was mild due to him getting the vax. So thankfully, Seren has herd immunity since all the others here are vaxed (Remy being the only one selectively, the others are all utd on theirs)

    **Lizzo**

  10. #31090
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    And I much prefer Bridget's dad's way of thinking. Even if I DID believe, I'd much prefer to find my peace in the comfort of my own home (or back yard.)

    **Lizzo**

  11. #31091
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    That is something I have heard a lot of UU's say in church....a lot of them find spirituality in nature. I think that we will probably try to make an effort to go once the baby with us. They have a lot of good programs for kids and I really want that sense of community....especially since we live far from our family and in five years, still haven't really made friends up here. we just talk to people at work but do not do things outside of work with others.

    It really never even occured to me to not vax until I started coming to APA. But from the time I was a small child until 1.5 years ago, my favorite uncle and someone we saw regularly had AIDS (he lived with full blown AIDS for well over 20 years, maybe even more than 25). So especially for his protection, we all were always vaxed....especially for flu every year. Now that he is gone, I probably wouldn't go out of my way for flu shots but work pretty much requires it and pays for it so I do it.

    I'm bummed, we are going to Chicago next month and I was all excited about doing the peguin thing at the Shedd....you get in by them for 30 minutes, touch one and take a picture together). But they only do it three days a week and it's already all booked.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  12. #31092

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    UU's don't really categorize themselves either. The group as a whole go by the name UU's but individually they may be pagan, Buddhist, atheist, agnostic, Jewish, etc. So they may follow the beliefs and rituals of those particular groups but also believe in the UU principles which are more based on social justice and the journey of individual growth.

    If I had to pick one I think I'd be agnostic.

  13. #31093

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    I think my mom and dad's church must be UU.

  14. #31094
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    UU's don't really categorize themselves either. The group as a whole go by the name UU's but individually they may be pagan, Buddhist, atheist, agnostic, Jewish, etc. So they may follow the beliefs and rituals of those particular groups but also believe in the UU principles which are more based on social justice and the journey of individual growth.

    If I had to pick one I think I'd be agnostic.

    Good explaination. I like that they draw on all the various faiths/beliefs/philosophies....but don't say you HAVE to believe any one thing and that lots of beliefs are valid. And UU is very GLBT friendly.

    it's not required or anything but members do tend to be liberal politically and into being "green".

    All this talk and I think I might put in the effort to go this weekend!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  15. #31095

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    If I felt the inclination to go to an organized church or be involved with a group that way, UU would definitely be what I would choose. I'm sort of on the other end of the spectrum though I guess, our lives are so busy, I have a very hard time finding time for all our friends and family, so I have zero need or desire to add another group to the mix. I guess I'm lucky in that I make friends easily and tend to keep them for life. And we both have really big, close knit families that live nearby.
    AKA Lisa724

  16. #31096
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    I'm totally atheist and have no curiosity about religion. I don't have any desire to be part of a group either, even though I'm close with only a very few people. I prefer it that way.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  17. #31097

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    My mom used to hang out with a group of people she called "the Unitarians" (they went the UU church in Boulder). She liked their outlook but deeply mistrusted anyone who tried to steer her toward any beliefs, rituals or otherwise. I'm like that too.

    That said I have a major secular confession... Abbey will be going to a church preschool camp this summer to try it out. I literally feel sick to my stomach about it, but DH is much more laid back. His theory is that she'll get a little Christianity now, then switch to a Buddhist school, then maybe a straight secular/science-based school, and be able to make her own decisions. They even take the kiddos to the chapel one day a week, but I'll be picking her up early that day so she won't go. The bottom line was this preschool had the most loving and nurturing environment, and was the only one she seemed to like. It's at a methodist church, but I don't know enough about the sects of Christianity to know what that means.



    lost our bean to Triploidy Sep 2010

  18. #31098

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    I hope it's a good fit for Abbey! To be honest she probably won't remember a lot about it, if anything she'll remember she had nice teachers and made a few friends. I do remember a few things about preschool, mostly my closest friends and my favorite teachers.

    Jennifer, that's one thing that kind of makes me cringe...I mean we recycle and try not to waste energy but I am definitely not as activist about the whole green thing as most UU's are. I mean I went to a party where a woman was using a stainless steel straw. No offense to any present company who has one but it just make me feel like, really? What about no straw at all? It just gets to the point where I feel like I have to check my clothing labels before I walk in, not wear my Nikes, not bring a plastic bottle of water...maybe I'm just overly self concious, though. Like when I got all bent out of shape that someone turned up her nose at fruit snacks.

  19. #31099

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    Molly, I think that's totally a fine way to approach it with Abbey. Give her exposure to a variety of religions to give her a big picture view of the topic. I hope she likes it.

    I like the sound of the word agnostic. In college I used to call myself that all the time. "How could I be so arrogant to say for sure whether God does or does not exist?", I used to swan around saying (while I smoked on the steps of the student union with my artsy friends). But then in my late 29s I went on a date with this guy who balked at the word. He had a pretty good point. He brought up the fact that we're not agnostic about anything else. Like take my statement and replace the word "God" with anything else, e.g. "How could I be so arrogant to say for sure whether purple cheese does or does not exist?". So I guess I kind of backed off of using the word after that conversation.

    I was going to share more work silliness, but this scary thing happened just now. A boy - no more than 10 himself - came into the cafe I'm working from and announced they were looking for his nephew, maybe 5 (he only used his hand to show how tall he was), who'd gone missing. His nephew was last seen in their house watching cartoons. I guess he disappeared right from under them. How awful. We all told him to have his parents and sister call the police instead of drive around looking for him. Then after the kid left, it occurred to me that they might be undocumented and that's why they didn't want to call the police. Wow. I hope they find him. This area is a block away from a particularly rough part of ocean. There's a fence that's meant to keep people from going down to the water, but kids keep making holes in it. Not to be morbid, but every year there are one or two drowning at the spot - usually drunk people, but last year a woman went down there to get her dog and she drowned. I'm keeping good thoughts for the little kid.

  20. #31100

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    So sad Myles! I hope they find the boy safe and sound.

    fiscalini-purple-moon.jpg Here's your purple cheese!

  21. #31101
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    I was going to share more work silliness, but this scary thing happened just now. A boy - no more than 10 himself - came into the cafe I'm working from and announced they were looking for his nephew, maybe 5 (he only used his hand to show how tall he was), who'd gone missing. His nephew was last seen in their house watching cartoons. I guess he disappeared right from under them. How awful. We all told him to have his parents and sister call the police instead of drive around looking for him. Then after the kid left, it occurred to me that they might be undocumented and that's why they didn't want to call the police. Wow. I hope they find him. This area is a block away from a particularly rough part of ocean. There's a fence that's meant to keep people from going down to the water, but kids keep making holes in it. Not to be morbid, but every year there are one or two drowning at the spot - usually drunk people, but last year a woman went down there to get her dog and she drowned. I'm keeping good thoughts for the little kid.
    Wow that is scary

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  22. #31102
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    So sad Myles! I hope they find the boy safe and sound.

    fiscalini-purple-moon.jpg Here's your purple cheese!
    That is awesome!!

    I plan on using purple potatoes next family get together, that should get some raised eyebrows

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  23. #31103

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    Yum, that purple cheese looks delicious. Yeah, I thought after the fact that maybe I should have said something like "purple pelicans".

    So the work silliness I was going to tell you all about... remember I told you about my lead who has been telling me all week I have to get this XML project done because people are so unhappy that it's SO behind (regardless of the fact that it's precisely on track by my original estimates)? He and I actually had a meeting earlier in the week to look at my calendar and figure out which meetings I could skip to make more room for me to concentrate on that work. So there was this one meeting today that I knew had really nothing to do with me, since it was about something we already decided was out of scope from our project. Just this morning, my lead confirmed I definitely shouldn't attend because he wasn't even sure why he was going to it either.

    So anyway, a project manager from that meeting's project instant messages me and asks (since I'm still on the invite list) if I could write up the minutes for the meeting since "you're so good at documenting discussions". (Yeah, right, lazy bones) And I tell him I was explicitly told by my lead to skip that meeting so I can keep working on my XML task. "OK," he says. "I'll just ask <your lead> to do that for me."

    And not five minutes later, I get an e-mail in my Inbox from my lead that says: "If you are not working on the XML project at 1 pm feel free to join the <meeting> if you think it’ll be of benefit to listen in." If I feel it will be of benefit? For me to listen in on people talking about a system that we decided we aren't going to integrate into our project? Nope. Sorry Charlie. I wasn't going to let him rope me in to taking notes for him, so I just ignored his message and kept plugging away at that project that he's been breathing down the back of my neck all week for me to finish.

    I don't know what's more annoying - that he tried to manipulate me into attending so he could ask me to be the minute-taker once on the call, or that he was so transparent about it, or that he was so willing to let me lose a good hour on a high-priority project that HE'S stressed out about just so he wouldn't have to take notes. Ugh!
    Last edited by demigraf; 04-20-2012 at 04:05 PM.

  24. #31104

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    That is awesome!!

    I plan on using purple potatoes next family get together, that should get some raised eyebrows

    That'll be cool!

  25. #31105
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    Mmm, purple potatoes. They're the best.

    Myles, that is so frustrating! I don't know what would bother me most, either.

    I had my employee evaluation this afternoon. Before when I worked in the school it was always my principal who evaluated me, which was odd because my principal was never my direct boss as I was an itinerant assigned to their school by the special ed department. Now that I'm not at a school, I don't have a principal so I was evaluated by my assistant director of special ed - who is actually my boss. So I was of mixed feelings about this - since I actually do work for this person and she actually understands the work that I do (principals never have). Anyway, it went well. I had to fill out a skills assessment and since it was designed for people in a classroom, I put n/a for a lot of questions like "I plan for ethnically and culturally diverse groups when planning instruction" etc. I don't provide instruction and I don't see kids in groups. Anyway, my supervisor told me she was going to change all my "n/a" answers to "yes" because if I didn't have enough yes answers she had to put me on an improvement plan! Never mind that they clearly didn't apply to my situation - the answer still has to be yes!

    Anyway, it may have been TMI but I let her know that I was going to need time off for my fertility treatments as needed and it wasn't time I was able to predict conveniently. I had had a similar conversation with the director at my site, who said something like "isn't it nice you have Wednesdays free for appointments?" which then made me feel incredibly pressured to not miss time on any other days. This actually went really well and she ended up telling me to just call in sick if it came to it and I needed the time. I really appreciate that she understood my situation and was willing to help me find a solution without laying a guilt-trip on me about it. Overall it was a good afternoon.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  26. #31106

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    I'm glad the eval went well!

    I'm so happy-they just made me a moderator over at a community at livejournal that I love. We talk about creepy stuff-ghosts, zombies, horror movies and stories, pretty much anything paranormal or creepy, which I've grown to become a big fan of over the last couple years. I actually joined the comm so I'd be less of a wuss. I used to have to leave all the lights on at night and I would refuse to go to bed if DH wasn't home (which made for some very sleepy days the couple times he had to go away for work or other travel)

    Since I've joined the site I've had the crap scared out of me by a lot of stuff but I've also gotten over a lot of fears. And I don't need *all* the lights on anymore. I'm so freaking happy to be a mod for a group that's done so much for me. It's almost as good as if I were a mod here ;)

  27. #31107
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    Yay for being a mod! Mods are awesome. ;)
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  28. #31108

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    I agree!

  29. #31109
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    DH is up on the roof switching the coolers over for the summer, then striding back and forth in the house getting supplies to make repairs. Why is that so attractive?
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  30. #31110
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I'm glad the eval went well!

    I'm so happy-they just made me a moderator over at a community at livejournal that I love. We talk about creepy stuff-ghosts, zombies, horror movies and stories, pretty much anything paranormal or creepy, which I've grown to become a big fan of over the last couple years. I actually joined the comm so I'd be less of a wuss. I used to have to leave all the lights on at night and I would refuse to go to bed if DH wasn't home (which made for some very sleepy days the couple times he had to go away for work or other travel)

    Since I've joined the site I've had the crap scared out of me by a lot of stuff but I've also gotten over a lot of fears. And I don't need *all* the lights on anymore. I'm so freaking happy to be a mod for a group that's done so much for me. It's almost as good as if I were a mod here ;)
    That's awesome. Some day I think it would be neat to take you to the 'haunted' houses in my area and see what we see. After midnight of course. Even a skeptic like me will 'sense' things and my hairs will stand up on end. I love it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    DH is up on the roof switching the coolers over for the summer, then striding back and forth in the house getting supplies to make repairs. Why is that so attractive?
    It's guy guy stuff and that's hot!

    Myles-all that stuff would piss me off equally and I'd be tempted to staple a flowchart to his forehead that showed him specifically where he could stick his meeting notes.

    Mandy-I'm glad you had a good afternoon and it's about time someone at your work gave you a darned break! You shouldn't be made to feel guilty for this.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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