Secular Confessions

[3andMe]

Checking your homocysteine levels is apparently what will tell you if you actually have a clinically significant MTHFR (it always sounds so dirty when I write out that abbreviation), so it seems like knowing that should make a difference as to how you are treated.

And Bridget, that sucks. DID you tell them how that made you feel?

DH and I were having a nice dinner the other night and then he talked about how tired he was and how he wanted to take the child voted most likely to sleep for his bedtime duty. I said the baby's bedroom included some chores, like putting sheets on the crib first and hopefully putting away laundry. He pretended he didn't know what the word chores meant and was laughing about it with the kids. He took time to explain to them what "jibber-jabber" meant in the context of how the word "chores" sounded to him. He did not know why I went from lighthearted to unhappy. He got angry with me, and accused me of having so sense of humor. He followed me around angrily asking me what he did wrong and not letting me answer him when I tried to tell him. I told him later--and I had to tell him to shut up and listen to me-- that I could survive with him not helping me around the house, but it drives me crazy that the children never see a man sweeping the floors or doing laundry or cleaning the bathrooms or cooking dinner, and him laughing about not knowing what the word chores means is just driving the point home. He told me that I was reading too much into it, and the children didn't understand the greater context of it, but I was upset that he seemed to think it was so trivial. After quite a while, he finally admitted that he still didn't quite get it, but he apologized, which is more than he usually does when we argue, and I gratefully took it.

I was thinking of that when you talked about temper tantrums, Bridget. When I get upset about anything (whether or not it's directly related to DH, and whether I'm sad or annoyed), DH gets angry, as if I have wrongfully accused him of something and he needs to immediately show me exactly why I am completely incorrect. No matter how often I tell him that the best thing to do would be to say that is too bad, I'm sorry you're hurting, or whatever, he just gets mad. It's very frustrating.

[Gwenn]

I have (for obvious reasons) been rather unhappy lately and DH just does not seem to really get it. He knows I'm unhappy but i'm having trouble getting him to acknowledge that I'm just going to be sad right now. I think many men don't want to hear about their partner's emotions unless they are able to something immediate to fix them. In a situation like mine it's hard because there's really nothing he can do. I pointed out to him,that it's common for women to experience depression when dealing with infertility and he seemed totally shocked. To me that just makes sense. Men really don't get women's emotions. The older I get the more I realize how true that is.

[MashedUp]

A little late to the party, and it looks like the others have answered most of your questions mandy. Folate is the form naturally found in food. Folic acid is the synthetic form found in vitamins or added to processed foods. I know some stuff about the chemistry behind it and how it's measured, but nothing specific to MTHFR.

[missychrissy]

I was thinking of that when you talked about temper tantrums, Bridget. When I get upset about anything (whether or not it's directly related to DH, and whether I'm sad or annoyed), DH gets angry, as if I have wrongfully accused him of something and he needs to immediately show me exactly why I am completely incorrect. No matter how often I tell him that the best thing to do would be to say that is too bad, I'm sorry you're hurting, or whatever, he just gets mad. It's very frustrating.

Rich also gets angry when I'm upset. Even if it's not about him or anything he's done. He doesn't really take it out on me much, but his mood definitely changes and he's more likely to snap at the kids or just act 'pissed off' in general. The last time I was really upset about my struggles with balancing our budget (we have enough $, I'm just math challenged) his first response was, "Well maybe we should break up then!" He was taking my anger/frustration as a sign that I was blaming him and I wasn't. I was frustrated with myself because I know I'm intelligent, but I cannot grasp math. Not even basic adding/subtracting from our banking accounts.

eta: I grasp math. I get how it works and can use a calculator...I just consistently fail at it somehow.

[Suja]

Y'all, I got buzzed by the space shuttle this morning!

[Cosmosmom]

Uggg I hate that when they do that. My DH will do that also. I'm upset and have hurt feelings and he will try to claim his feelings are hurt first. Um no dude, I told you I was hurt first. I really have to be careful with him because he is sensitive and takes things personally.
Last night his mom and I have come to the conclusion that men just don't think right. Like she arrived last week and instead of jumping up to help carry in her bags and say hi, he was on the computer because he was almost finished with his lego building and wanted to finish that first. And this is a guy who was so excited his mom was coming up to visit.

My mom has been joking lately that my dad needs 24 hour care. He's not even 60 yet. But she works with a lot of seniors and says a lot of the men are like that....they really need to be told what to do. Just in the last week dad was cutting fiberglass and got some in his eye (fine now) and had to see the eye doc as an emergency. I was like why weren't you wearing safety glasses???? Dad worked in a factory for years and always wore them at home when doing stuff. His reply, I don't know I didn't think I needed them. WTH.


Mandy I can take a look and see if I find anything different. Based on what was posted, it wouldn't surprise me if this was an area where there isn't a set standard. I would definitely ask about getting the homocystine level checked though. And I wouldn't worry much about a B12 issue....that is not common at all for most people (I am at high risk of it and take a high dose B12 due to the surgery I had).

Oh and yeah it's super common for IF patients to be depressed. Ironically, I did a ton of research on that when I was first TTC and didn't know I was going to be one of those patients. I think it's harder most of the time on women...we tend to want the baby more and generally so much more of the treatment is focused on us. And we have to take the various hormones. I ended up gaining like 50 lbs while STC....kicking myself over that one now. And I found out that I like alcohol probably a little too much.

So I found this http://www.toysrus.com/product/index...uctId=12610054 and decided I want it. DH isn't sure about it because it won't totally match the cars. OMFG. Even his mom who is picky about decor and where he gets if from was like, it would be fine and thinks he's being ridiculous. Her reply was what if the baby's outfit doesn't match? LOL FWIW, one is dark blue with a grey interior. My current car is orange with a grey and orange interior but that will be traded in for a minivan at some point and we are looking at the charcoal grey one.
I think that I will get what I want....I almost always do.

[daylilies]

Y'all, I got buzzed by the space shuttle this morning!

What do you mean??

DH is sort of the same way as some of you guys-I will tell him something bothered me and he will immediately turn it around to be my fault. He asked me the other day where a paper was that I hadn't seen in over a month. Long story short I used to play an online game but I lost interest recently. He took over my character and he was asking me the other night where a paper with some info for my character was. Like I said, I haven't played in over a month. He's been playing. So I started looking around and he snapped at me that it was in the cabinet over my desk. I said it bothered me that he asked me to get it, didn't bother to tell me where it was and then acted like it was my fault I didn't know where it was. If you knew where it was, why didn't you just get it? And he said he didn't know where it was. I was like, you just told me where it was! And I immediately thought of that article that was linked a while back that talked about how some men manipulate women to think they're insane or wrong all the time. But if I ever bring up anything like that article DH acts all hurt that I would suggest such a thing.

[3andMe]

Y'all, I got buzzed by the space shuttle this morning!

One of the guys in the rocket club posted about it today. Apparently it was the last flight for that shuttle. It was scheduled to make a low pass over the Washington DC area.

[Suja]

What do you mean??

Mira's school is really close to the Dulles airport. Today was the spaceshuttle Discovery's last flight (it was strapped on the back of a jumbo jet with a fighter pilot escort), and they were flying looooow over the area, like 1500 - 2000 ft. I got a quick glimpse. It was AWESOME!!!

[daylilies]

Oh wow, cool!

[Cosmosmom]

Suja that does sound cool!!!

[Bridget]

How exciting!

Lydia, I did not tell them how I felt when I came home. It would have been a waste of breath. I can see in mil where dbf gets his unwillingness to really listen. Mil actually spun it so that the reason it was so hard for them is because I never left Sawyer when he was a baby thus not giving him a chance to be independent. She said, "He misses you terribly because he doesn't know one thing without you" and I said, "I missed him terribly too!" to which she had no reply so that to me is a conversation that ended well

There are constant little things all day long like, "Here have some tea. You need to stay hydrated as often as you are nursing that baby" or "I washed your windows, they haven't been washed in ages" and "This poor baby needs to eat more. No one ever feeds him so he just plays" (because I don't generally feed him but just put his food in front of him. She tries shoving food in his mouth when he's not paying attention.)
I have to try so hard but I rarely try to plead my case.
Yesterday I was searching for my kitchen scissors that I use to cut meat and stuff. I asked her if she knew where they were and she was like, "YES. The scissors are ALWAYS in this drawer. This is where we keep them. The other drawer is too full" and she had them in the drawer with our bills and random stuff instead of with the silverware where I keep them. Wtf? Obviously I put them away where I keep them but who wants to place bets that she will move them again? If we lived close to her, little stuff like that would drive me totally insane. But since it's just this week I will keep passively aggressively moving them back lol.

[3andMe]

I keep my scissors in the knife drawer, because that one is childproofed, and my scissors are sharp and potentially destructive of people and property if my children can just get at them any time they feel like it.

Your MIL would drive me crazy, but I can only admire your biting the tongue attitude and keeping your peace for the short time she's with you.

I should update you that the second Dad visit day went so much better than the first. We had a family party, and it was very pleasant. It was also so miraculously relaxing in that the children ran around and were nice and polite and did not need constant minding--not even the baby--and DH and I could actually have conversations with people. We have not ever once had that at a party simultaneously. We can foresee a future, almost, where we could socialize again.

[missychrissy]

Y'all, I got buzzed by the space shuttle this morning!

I saw someones video of it on Facebook---awesome. And it sorta made tears come to my eyes. I'm such a sap.

[Inca]

How cool! I want to get buzzed.

[3andMe]

I saw someones video of it on Facebook---awesome. And it sorta made tears come to my eyes. I'm such a sap.

Things like that often make me cry.

[Inca]

I'm not sure it would make me tear up. Probably not. But maybe, weirder things HAVE happened. Anyone have a good video to share of it?

[Bridget]

I cried today while reading Bluebird Summer during circle time. So much I had to stop for a minute.

[Inca]

Never heard of that book! Off to google.

[Inca]

Oh I just read a review. How sweet it sounds. Big to you Bridget.

[missychrissy]

I keep my scissors in the knife drawer, because that one is childproofed, and my scissors are sharp and potentially destructive of people and property if my children can just get at them any time they feel like it.

Your MIL would drive me crazy, but I can only admire your biting the tongue attitude and keeping your peace for the short time she's with you.

I should update you that the second Dad visit day went so much better than the first. We had a family party, and it was very pleasant. It was also so miraculously relaxing in that the children ran around and were nice and polite and did not need constant minding--not even the baby--and DH and I could actually have conversations with people. We have not ever once had that at a party simultaneously. We can foresee a future, almost, where we could socialize again.

ita Bridget-you're amazing. Don't ever forget that.

It'll happen more and more L. I'm glad you guys got to have a good, adult time even while the children were present.

[Ky'sMom]

I had also never heard of the book. It does look sweet. It looks like a "No Elle" book though. She is really emotional and sensitive and any book involving a loved one passing away brings her to tears. We have a book DH bought (that I told him he might not want to read to her) about a boy with no friends except his dog and how he finally got a friend but the girl was mean to him, but even so, the boy ignored the dog and the dog was really sad, and Elle starting wailing about how mean the boy was being to the dog. I always have to read her cutesy books.

Erin

[Bridget]

Savana can be that way too, Erin. I read her a really sad story one night and she said, "I don't think I'm ready for stories like that. They are too sad."

I seriously just pounded a glass of wine. It kind of hurt lol. But let this woman insinuate to me one more time that Sawyer isn't eating enough food and nursing too much. He has a bad cold and cough right now so he is nursing way more than normal. But regardless, leave it alone! What in the heck would be my motivation for not feeding my child enough food? That's offensive! So there's that. And then her telling me that she is buying me a new blind for my living room because the one I have is so ugly. My mom bought those blinds for us! I told her I do not think they are ugly as I wouldn't put something I thought was ugly in my home. The drop that tipped the wine glass though? She said to my that dbf is not drinking enough water so whenever I think of it I should bring him a glass of water. Too much, people. Too much.
*burp*

[missychrissy]

Oh.my.god Bridget. I cannot believe how rude she is being!

[Gwenn]

OMG ... I think I'd ask her to leave.

[Bridget]

Ok, so it's not just me! She is crazy I tell you. That's what I keep telling myself because it keeps me from going off. I just have to imagine that she is a crazy old lady and doesn't know any better. I really want to keep my cool. The first time she came here I showed my frustration and she cried. I cannot make an old lady cry. That's not cool.

[daylilies]

I wish I had some wine. Again I tried that sangria I made that didn't come out good. Yup, still not good.

I asked DH to pick up some alcohol on the way home and he made it sound like he would, but he decided not to because he was wearing his Comcast shirt, and I didn't feel like going out to get it.

I'd tell your MIL that if she's in your home she doesn't get to make comments about how you guys live.

[Bridget]

He can't wear his work shirt and buy alcohol? Or he doesn't like to? I don't like to walk into a liquor store and buy anything with my kids with me. I feel judged. I want to be like, "Hey! I'm only going to have 2 glasses, okay!" lol

[Suja]

I had to tell you guys about this. Mira has been resistant to pooping in the potty. She went to the bathroom to pee, farted, then got upset 'cause she thought she had to poop, and asked for a diaper. I got one, but thought I'd distract her to see if she could poop without freaking out, and said 'Oh look, I see the trunk of an elephant sticking out your belly button'. She lifted up her shirt to look, I put my ear to her belly, made elephant noises, and said 'I hear the elephant!'. She looks at me with a serious look on her face, and says 'Mommy, there are no elephants in my bellybutton'. 'No?'. 'No. That's the monkey in my belly button. OOH! OOH! OOH!' and cracks up. Turns out, there are lots of things in her belly button, including seahorses and Elmo, just no elephants.

[AmeriBrit]

LOL, Suja. That is so cute! It took Travis a few months between weeing and pooing in the potty. It seems like forever ago now, though. All those animals should help her push that poo out before too long.

Ah, Bridget. You are a saint for not making your MIL cry. She is being an a-s-s. I'd be inclined to take her aside and just say something like, "Can you stop with all the judgmental comments; they are upsetting me." Because what she's doing is upsetting. I know she's only there for a few days but each time she comes for a visit, she's going to keep at it unless you say something. (I think?)