Secular Confessions

**Bridget** · 04-12-2012, 07:03 AM

Ack, VIRAL. She said viral. I am sorry to be an alarmist. I've just been reading the difference between the two and they got jumbled in my head. From what I am seeing, viral is much less worrisome, yes?

**Inca** · 04-12-2012, 07:47 AM

I think it's impossible me for me to be happy. And someone in this household wants/likes it that way. Seriously. My head is pounding and I'm feeling so... down... about my life.

**demigraf** · 04-12-2012, 07:51 AM

Liz.

**missychrissy** · 04-12-2012, 07:51 AM

Oh no

What's going on? You can pm me if you don't want to post it in the open forum. I'm so sorry you're feeling that way right now. But you do know it gets better. It really does.

**Inca** · 04-12-2012, 07:55 AM

Well apparently when he went to pick up his mom from work last night I had a dude in the house and was effing him on the couch and THAT is why the front curtains were closed. Not because I wanted them closed because it was night time, but because I had some dude in the house. Fml. :banghead: Can we say paranoid much? I tell him, "I'm not your exs." I'm not a effing cheater. I am SO fed up with this drama. Had enough of it.

**Smplyme89** · 04-12-2012, 07:58 AM

What?!?!? WTH is his problem

**Inca** · 04-12-2012, 07:59 AM

Sadly this is not the first time he's accused me of stuff like that. It's pretty often. And very... whats the word, demeaning? That he thinks I'd stoop to that level.

**missychrissy** · 04-12-2012, 07:59 AM

That's a really crazy thing for him to accuse you of, and absolutely NOT ok. Wow. I have a lot I want to say, but better think more on it.

**Smplyme89** · 04-12-2012, 08:02 AM

Originally Posted by missychrissy

That's a really crazy thing for him to accuse you of, and absolutely NOT ok. Wow. I have a lot I want to say, but better think more on it.

I won't. He's a f*ing jerk.

**missychrissy** · 04-12-2012, 08:04 AM

Originally Posted by Inca

Sadly this is not the first time he's accused me of stuff like that. It's pretty often. And very... whats the word, demeaning? That he thinks I'd stoop to that level.

Well yeah, it shows he has absolutely no respect or trust in you. I do not know how you put up with that. I hope you know you don't deserve that.

And not to be catty, but any time I hear about things like this, I'm reminded how often the accuser is really the one having an affair.

**Smplyme89** · 04-12-2012, 08:08 AM

Originally Posted by missychrissy

Well yeah, it shows he has absolutely no respect or trust in you. I do not know how you put up with that. I hope you know you don't deserve that.

And not to be catty, but any time I hear about things like this, I'm reminded how often the accuser is really the one having an affair.

I agree

**Inca** · 04-12-2012, 08:10 AM

It is ridiculous, so so ridiculous. And just the other day I read this on the facebook status update of the Dalai Lama and thought instantly of him... "Disturbing emotions not only disturb our own state of mind, they also disturb the minds of others. Self-centredness gives rise to fear and insecurity, which in turn creates distrust. This is why having an altruistic attitude brings a great sense of happiness and peace of mind."

**missychrissy** · 04-12-2012, 08:11 AM

That kind of thing is not normal. Often insecure, sometimes controlling, men will make those sorts of accusations, but my own experience is that it's not something that comes up in healthy relationships. Or even unhealthy relationships where there's still some level of respect and dignity involved. It's no secret that Rich & I haven't been doing well, and at one point I told him I was leaving and even went so far as to look at an apartment for myself. The closest he came to saying anything like that was asking me, with a purely broken heart, "Is there somebody else?" He wasn't accusing me. He was trying to understand. When I said no, that was it. He hasn't brought it up since and we've had many conversations about how/why I'm not happy in our relationship since then.

**Inca** · 04-12-2012, 08:12 AM

Well I know he's not. That's one thing I'm certain about when it comes to him. He'd tell me if he was. I mean, he has cheated on ONE of his girlfriends over 15 years ago and he told her the next day. I won't get into the details, but I know he wouldn't. Though he sometimes throws it in my face that "When he goes out girls try to hang all over/hit on (him)" I say, "wonderful." because quite honestly I stopped caring a while ago. I think it is his way to "remind" me that he is "desirable" and that he could "find someone else" if we were to "split up." Sorry but if we split up, I'd not be interested in a relationship. I'd be focused on my children and my livelihood.

**missychrissy** · 04-12-2012, 08:14 AM

Originally Posted by Inca

Well I know he's not. That's one thing I'm certain about when it comes to him. He'd tell me if he was. I mean, he has cheated on ONE of his girlfriends over 15 years ago and he told her the next day. I won't get into the details, but I know he wouldn't. Though he sometimes throws it in my face that "When he goes out girls try to hang all over/hit on (him)" I say, "wonderful." because quite honestly I stopped caring a while ago. I think it is his way to "remind" me that he is "desirable" and that he could "find someone else" if we were to "split up." Sorry but if we split up, I'd not be interested in a relationship. I'd be focused on my children and my livelihood.

I don't even know what to say to that. I think it's another sign of his immaturity/insecurity that he feels the need to vindicate to himself that he's still desirable to other females, and then use it as some sort of leverage against you. I'm so sorry.

**Inca** · 04-12-2012, 08:17 AM

Yes, I often think he is not only depressed, but quite possibly paranoid and delusional. I am no doctor, but I really wish he'd go see some sort of mental health professional. Which I know, as well as all of his family as we've talked believe he needs to do. Then when I bring something up like "Your mom and I talked about this issue" he gets all pissy like we were talking behind his back, and he doesn't trust us because we are "two faced geminis"

and

Now you all see a glimpse into my life. Not a fun one. I do feel trapped sometimes.

**Inca** · 04-12-2012, 08:18 AM

He knows this is an unhealthy relationship, as do I. It has it's ups and downs, but the downs far outweigh the ups.

**Smplyme89** · 04-12-2012, 08:22 AM

I'm sorry that you feel trapped Liz

You, R, and S can move to Florida and crash with me

It's not the ritz, but I've got alcohol

**Cosmosmom** · 04-12-2012, 08:23 AM

Bridget

There's no way to know what kind of meningitis you or your child has without seeing your doctor and undergoing spinal fluid testing.

Viral meningitis may improve without treatment in a few days.
Bacterial meningitis is serious, can come on very quickly and requires prompt antibiotic treatment to improve the chances of a recovery without serious complications. Delaying treatment for bacterial meningitis increases the risk of permanent brain damage or death. In addition, bacterial meningitis can prove fatal in a matter of days.

Also talk to your doctor if a family member or someone you work with has meningitis. You may need to take medications to prevent getting sick.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/print/meni...l&METHOD=print

**Inca** · 04-12-2012, 08:25 AM

Yeah well there are a few things preventing me from moving. Finances, my business, and my animals just to name a few.

**Inca** · 04-12-2012, 08:30 AM

Ugh ok I'm done complaining. I'm feeling really down and don't want to dwell on this bullsh!t.

**AbbeysMom** · 04-12-2012, 08:31 AM

Liz. I know I don't have a true vision of what you're life is like, but from what you've opened up about here, I'm hoping with all my heart you have the strength to leave and try to find happiness on your own or with someone else. I have no idea if your dbf is depressed, delusional, or just acting out his own misery, but it really doesn't matter. IMO adults with a mental illness or who are chronically unhappy are like addicts in that they have to want to get help and get better on their own. Because ultimately you only have control over yourself, I would do what you can to make yourself happy.

**Cosmosmom** · 04-12-2012, 08:34 AM

Big hugs Liz. I agree with what Chrissy said, it sounds very unhealthy and controlling. Does he contribute anything....if I remember you said he wasn't working right now and it sounds like he's not helpful at home. It almost sounds like your life would be easier and happier without him.

**missychrissy** · 04-12-2012, 08:34 AM

Originally Posted by Inca

Ugh ok I'm done complaining. I'm feeling really down and don't want to dwell on this bullsh!t.

I can relate.

Originally Posted by AbbeysMom

Liz. I know I don't have a true vision of what you're life is like, but from what you've opened up about here, I'm hoping with all my heart you have the strength to leave and try to find happiness on your own or with someone else. I have no idea if your dbf is depressed, delusional, or just acting out his own misery, but it really doesn't matter. IMO adults with a mental illness or who are chronically unhappy are like addicts in that they have to want to get help and get better on their own. Because ultimately you only have control over yourself, I would do what you can to make yourself happy.

Well said.

**Smplyme89** · 04-12-2012, 08:41 AM

Originally Posted by AbbeysMom

Liz. I know I don't have a true vision of what you're life is like, but from what you've opened up about here, I'm hoping with all my heart you have the strength to leave and try to find happiness on your own or with someone else. I have no idea if your dbf is depressed, delusional, or just acting out his own misery, but it really doesn't matter. IMO adults with a mental illness or who are chronically unhappy are like addicts in that they have to want to get help and get better on their own. Because ultimately you only have control over yourself, I would do what you can to make yourself happy.

Very well said. You and your babies happines is what is most important

We are all here for you, anytime you need to vent!

**Inca** · 04-12-2012, 08:48 AM

Originally Posted by AbbeysMom

Liz. I know I don't have a true vision of what you're life is like, but from what you've opened up about here, I'm hoping with all my heart you have the strength to leave and try to find happiness on your own or with someone else. I have no idea if your dbf is depressed, delusional, or just acting out his own misery, but it really doesn't matter. IMO adults with a mental illness or who are chronically unhappy are like addicts in that they have to want to get help and get better on their own. Because ultimately you only have control over yourself, I would do what you can to make yourself happy.

Thanks. And yeah, that's why I've never tried to force the issue of him getting help. He doesn't seem to want to be happy, aside from the fact he thinks that "If (he) was alone, (he'd) be happy." So I so "So be it then. Go be happy."

I just know, that I am not really able to leave. His mom basically helps as much as she can (which he takes for granted) and covers whatever rent I cannot afford on my own, which generally amounts to half the rent.

So in order for anything to work out right, I'd have to move from here to somewhere half the cost, but I'd still need as much space/rooms as possible due to the daycare. Then since he bought the washer and dryer, he would want those. I'd have to find a way to get my own. I have bad/no credit and I wouldn't want to put myself in debt for something like that. My car is a 20 year old car that is on it's last leg (I've been saving to find a used honda odyssey- saving my taxes plus as much extra as I can here and there), I've got 7 chinchillas that it's no issue to feed, but finding the time to interact with them, clean their cages, etc is hard. not to mention finding a landlord who will accept them. There are messy, need their own space, and I've thought of rehoming them which is hard for me to do. Like really really really hard.

Anyways...

**Smplyme89** · 04-12-2012, 09:00 AM

Originally Posted by Inca

Thanks. And yeah, that's why I've never tried to force the issue of him getting help. He doesn't seem to want to be happy, aside from the fact he thinks that "If (he) was alone, (he'd) be happy." So I so "So be it then. Go be happy."

I just know, that I am not really able to leave. His mom basically helps as much as she can (which he takes for granted) and covers whatever rent I cannot afford on my own, which generally amounts to half the rent.

So in order for anything to work out right, I'd have to move from here to somewhere half the cost, but I'd still need as much space/rooms as possible due to the daycare. Then since he bought the washer and dryer, he would want those. I'd have to find a way to get my own. I have bad/no credit and I wouldn't want to put myself in debt for something like that. My car is a 20 year old car that is on it's last leg (I've been saving to find a used honda odyssey- saving my taxes plus as much extra as I can here and there), I've got 7 chinchillas that it's no issue to feed, but finding the time to interact with them, clean their cages, etc is hard. not to mention finding a landlord who will accept them. There are messy, need their own space, and I've thought of rehoming them which is hard for me to do. Like really really really hard.

Anyways...

Liz. A split is never, ever easy. Especially when there are LOs involved. If I were closer I would help, I really would. I just hate that you are staying in such an unhealthy situation, because of finances...

It is an unfortunate, but real problem..

**Inca** · 04-12-2012, 09:05 AM

I think another reason why he stays, is because he thinks (probably rightly so) that if he were to leave us, he'd have nowhere to go. Not only that, but his mom who has been helping financially would not continue to help him, rather she'd help me and the kids.

**Smplyme89** · 04-12-2012, 09:09 AM

It makes sense, he doesn't sound like the type of person to give up a "free ride".....

I'm sorry if I'm sounding kind of like a negative nancy today

Having DH issues of my own, so I'm not feeling as neutral and clear headed as usual

**3andMe** · 04-12-2012, 09:14 AM

Originally Posted by Cosmosmom

Big hugs Liz. I agree with what Chrissy said, it sounds very unhealthy and controlling. Does he contribute anything....if I remember you said he wasn't working right now and it sounds like he's not helpful at home. It almost sounds like your life would be easier and happier without him.

I agree.

Bridget, viral meningitis is much less serious. I wouldn't worry about it. If she is up and walking around, she is probably all better by now anyway.

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