Not to make light of your rough day, Kate but I did chuckle to myself that you said it was fine you were losing mind before you started working. Like, eh, who needs it!
Not to make light of your rough day, Kate but I did chuckle to myself that you said it was fine you were losing mind before you started working. Like, eh, who needs it!
I didn't think the africanized bees helped pollinate anything, or do I have it wrong? I do understand they swarm and are deadly and that's bad. And they're taking over our nice honeybee colonies (which do pollinate).
Kate, I hate how they put you in the position of reporting the driver for speeding. I wouldn't want to be caught in the middle of that.
I guess my excitement about the whole Titanic thing is more about the kids. They grew up with that movie. They watched it a lot and to this day will quote from it often. I'm looking forward to surprising them with the tickets.
Mandy, I don't remember anything about my CM or lack thereof with any of my pregnancies. I don't think it was that noticeable either way. My only early pregnancy sign was a very slight tendency toward feeling a bit woozy during long drives on hairpin roads. I wouldn't have thought anything of it, except in retrospect I thought, "Ah, that explains it!"
I liked Titanic, and I also could equally see why people thought it was silly. I saw it more than once, and I cried at the beginning just knowing what would happen to many of the people who were getting on it. I actually didn't cry at the end because by then I was a little annoyed at the characters. These days, I could never sit through it. I haven't been to a movie in a theater in years. I haven't seen a movie in my house in years, either. I can barely watch a one-hour show in my house.
Kate, good for you for doing the right thing.
I think I am on the verge of a breakdown. I know my problems are trivial compared to some of yours, but I am crying every single night now and today I actually had to hold back tears several times at work when I thought about it. I can't believe it is about something so ridiculous, but it is that awful bedtime issue again. It has been getting worse and worse and worse. Baby S. had about two weeks of sleeping well in January, and it's been getting progressively worse since then. His latest trick has been to spend 3 or so hours shouting or singing or yelling in his crib after bedtime, sometimes until after our bedtime. He gets really loud. The past few nights he has thrown everything out of his crib, and has taken the sheet and mattress pad off and thrown that out as well. If we keep him up later, he just stays up later--the 3+hours remains the same. If I stay with him, he isn't quite as loud, but I have to rub his back the whole time, and he stays awake the whole time. I've been developing horrible back and hip pains from bending over the crib, rubbing and patting him for hours at a time.
I would be fine with holding him and letting him sleep in my arms, but he has never settled that way. He just gets more excitable. He would never go to sleep while being held. The twin have been staying up late, sometimes hours past their bedtime, and I go in there and I lose my patience and tell them to be quiet because they're keeping the baby awake but honestly he's probably keeping them awake and afterward I regret my tone and how the last thing they hear before they go to sleep is the worst mood I'm in all day.
S. has been fighting his naps off and on lately too, so yesterday I decided I would skip his nap entirely, in hopes of an easier bedtime. All day we stayed busy. We did errands and some fun things. He told me he was tired a few times, and I reminded him that if he went to sleep at night instead of yelling and throwing things out of his crib, he would be able to take a nap tomorrow. He became drowsy and more complacent as the day went on. After dinner, he went to the crib and promptly began yelling and tearing the crib apart. Hours went by. I patted him. I remade his bed. I reminded him that the crib was for sleeping. He's not always upset. Sometimes he just hangs out in there and sings. Sometimes he's fine in there by himself. Sometimes he's fine with one of us in there with him, but not right there. If he gets really upset, we always go in there.
After more yelling, I asked him if he wanted to try sleeping next to DS in the bunk bed. This would be new. He said yes. So did DS, who was delighted, and drowsy, but still awake. I reminded them both to lie still and be quiet and try to go to sleep. 15 minutes of in and out of the bed and baby S. tackling DS and cuddling him and straddling him and kissing him and rolling all over him and head-butting him and in and out of the bed with both of them and a final head-butt that resulted in a lot of blood made me put S. back in the crib.
We have a bedtime routine. They don't watch tv. They don't have desserts or sugar. They get tons of exercise. They brush teeth, put on pajamas, read books and go to bed. Going to bed earlier or later doesn't seem to affect it. Being in there or not doesn't seem to make a difference. There was an article about the family bed by Mayim Bialik in a recent issue of Parenting and how they all sleep together and how it's made it so that there are no issues about bedtime or whether or not someone is getting out of bed a bunch of times a night and how it's so peaceful and I showed that article to my dh and we talked about how happy we would be to have a family bed if it meant there would be no issues. GRR! However, Baby S. has issues just being in bed with other people. It makes him kind of crazy. And he doesn't sleep. He barely sleeps if he's in bed by himself.
I don't know what to do. The people closest to me, to us, my mom and my dh, and me, we're all at a loss. We feel like we've tried everything. We've had brief periods where it got better, and then it got worse again. S. was the most awesome sleeper from birth until about 8 months old. And then it all went south. I hate to be one of those people who complains about baby sleep habits, but honestly, I am at the point where I feel like it's affecting my sanity. I was always okay with waking up multiple times a night. I expected that. I am having a really hard time with this. And dh might be going out of town all next week. I started writing this post a couple of hours ago, and then dh told me that S was calling for me and he (dh) was not acceptable, so I spent the past hour in a dark room, patting him and crying over his sheetless crib. I am all messed up. I know I need to cheer myself up, but this sucks.
L, I found this online:
The choice to sleep with DS didn't work, but what about something else to do with a choice? Choosing lights off or on, etc?What if my child has problems settling in at night or resists going to sleep?
There are different reasons your child may not want to go to bed at night.*Your child may have issues with autonomy.* In other words, they may want to have more control over their body and their environment.* This usually starts to happen after about nine months of age, and is what two-year-olds are famous for!* Give your child some limited choice and “control” over the type of bedtime activities and the order of the bedtime routine.** If your child has more control over these activities, they may feel less need to exercise control over when they fall asleep.
Last edited by Gwenn; 03-30-2012 at 11:10 PM.
Lydia, this is absolutely not trivial. Lack of sleep, in a child's second year is really difficult. Maybe it's not so mind numbing when they are infants because we are prepared for that and are biologically wired to live off a small amount of sleep for that first year.
When Kai was 2 and Savana was 3, and dbf was still in Hawaii, bedtime took hours every night and Kai was up every 2 hours crying and I had to walk him back to sleep. That whole year of my life is a complete blur.
Have you tried any homeopathic sleep remedies? Chamomile tea, perhaps?
Last edited by Bridget; 03-31-2012 at 06:53 AM.
S. will not drink anything besides milk or water. I have tried tea and juice and even ginger ale when he was sick and he refuses everything.
Thanks for the link, Mandy. I will try giving him some more choices within reason.
I believe I cursed myself when I posted last night. I left him to sleep on his sheetless mattress after asking him a few times if he wanted me to put the sheets back on. He kept telling me to leave them off. So he woke up at midnight crying that he was cold. No wonder! Even though I'd put a blanket on him and our house is warm, he was sleeping face down on this hard plastic mattress, probably in a puddle of drool. So I pulled him out and put the mattress pad and sheet back on.
He continued to wake up about every hour during the night, crying "MommyMommyMommyMommyMommyMommy" and if I waited a bit he would escalate and start screaming. He didn't need anything except for me to go over there and put a gentle hand on him and tell him to go back to sleep. At 4:00, 4:10, and 4:20 he woke up again, so at 4:30 I decided to see if maybe his need for my presence and comfort might be alleviated by bringing him into bed with us. Maybe this would be the exception to him getting all riled up and unable to sleep. I brought him into bed and he cuddled against me for the next hour, but did not go to sleep. He held my hand. He rubbed his feet against my side. He flopped his head against my neck, one direction or another. At 5:30 he sat up and said he wanted to look outside. It was dark. I staggered out of bed, decided to make an exception to the no tv rule for my sanity, and plopped him on the couch so he would be quiet and not shout for the next hour because everyone else is still sleeping.
Oh, and in the interests of full disclosure, I should mention that I have also been wondering if his two-year-molars are coming in and causing him pain, although he says his mouth doesn't hurt. He's been drooling a lot. I don't believe in medicating for teething pain in general, because it's such a long process. But as an experiment and for sheer desperation, I gave him Ibuprofen last night to see if that would have any effect. Maybe it's pain that's been keeping him up. Usually when he has Ibuprofen, he sleeps better, so that should not have caused his wakefulness last night. Sometimes he just does this, in addition to all of his other stuff.
He is lucky he is so sweet and affectionate and charming so much of the time.
We had been planning on making a full-day trip to the Monterey Bay Aquarium today, which is several hours' drive away and I was planning on not getting back until the kids' bedtime, but after my sleepless night, I'm not sure I'm up to packing everything we'll need and driving back and forth and wrangling all of them and keeping them happy all day when I can barely maintain myself.
Kate that does sound like an off day!
Chrissy, I liked the movie but probably not going to see it 3D. 3D movies actually make DH kind of sick.
I agree, I didn't think killer bees helped and hurt the nice honey bees. I rarely see a bee which is sad. Instead I see hornets or wasps. I just saw an article that was on Msnbc a day or two ago about how they think that they found the problem and that it was some chemical or two that farmers are using. The actress Ellen Page i think is involved in something to do with saving the honey bees.
Oh Mandy, I found the crotch word fine too. Usually what is used in my house as I don't care for the technical proper terms. I'm happy that the symptoms are continuing!!! As a night person, the going to bed 2 hours early is especially exciting!!!!
And L, big huge I cannot fathom working on so little sleep for such a long time.
Sorry to jump in without reading, I'm having a hard time with Remy's preschool evaluation yesterday. They didn't give me much info which leads me to jump to conclusions about everything. But basically they did an eval, then a separate speech eval and now they're saying he needs to go to a "playgroup", to see how he interacts with other children to make sure how he would do in a preschool setting. Ugh I'm so stressed. I poste a bit more in the special needs room. I just needed to vent a little and there is nobody else I can vent to. (not like you guys are my last choice or anything, I just need to get it out and I know you guys are sympathetic to these sorts of issues.)
Yeah well they should. It makes me worry that they don't say much. I mean, I am his mom. Though when he was in speech before I did ask one of the ladies if she thought he had any autistic tendencies and she said something like "Well you'd have to get him an eval, but in short there are some things I notice." Mostly (imo) lack of eye contact, not following directions, acting out and of course, speech. So that's why I'm worried, thinking they are going to slap that to us.
Liz, I'm really sorry you are faced with all of this worry. Sometimes it seems like no definitive answer and waiting to find out is worse than knowing one way or another. That way you're left with your imagination, which gives the worst diagnoses and scenarios of all. You know, no matter what, he will be the same sweet boy you know and love.
When or if you get a diagnosis, you can choose to use it or not, I think. Mandy knows a lot more about this than I do, of course, but I think the advantage to having an actual diagnosis--if there IS one--is that you can get services. You don't have to use them. They are a benefit. It doesn't change who Remy is, but it would allow him to have more benefits than he might otherwise have.
My sister, who is perfectly brilliant, managed to get herself officially diagnosed with dyslexia. In California, that ensured that she got special accommodations for tests. In law school, she was allowed to take as long as she wanted for essay tests. Even the bar exam, I think. I actually don't think she is dyslexic, but has a math-specific learning disability. She used the accommodations when she wanted to and used the label only when it suited her to use it.
Anyway, I hope he does well at the play group and shows his full range of speaking and talents so that they can get a much better grasp of his skills. I assume you could supplement with a video or anecdotes as well, right? I know Baby S. hardly speaks at all when questioned by strangers, despite his linguistic abilities, just because he is a little hesitant and shy. I hope you can try to set aside your what-ifs until the time comes when you can make a more informed decision.
Thanks Lydia. That helps. I still would really like to home school him. I think part of my worry is that if some diagnosis comes from all of this, they will take that choice out of my hands to do so. I have nothing wrong with them doing supplemental learning with him, or even part time, or short term. I just don't think I want that choice to be taken away from me to home school him. Not to mention the stress that comes from getting him to and from the preschool. IF I had the space to put all the daycare kids in my vehicle (not possible right now because we only have a car and 5 total kids including my 2) I'd still have to get them all out of the vehicle, take them all in to drop him off/pick him up. OR he take the bus, which I would still have to walk him to/from the bus, meaning leaving the kids inside for a minute basically by themselves. No seatbelts. I'm a bit of a safety nut and I could not imagine not putting a seatbelt of some sort on him in a moving vehicle. I don't trust that he would not want to stand up. But maybe I'm underestimating him? Either way, more ugh.
L, your sleeps issues are not trivial at all. That's a really big deal, so don't be hard on yourself for shedding tears and being completely overwhelmed. Goodness, I've been there and I didn't have anywhere near the level of difficult nights you described. This is a big deal, so don't minimize it because you don't think it's as severe as others. I think going without sleep like you described is at least as bad as anything I've been through in the last year and a half. Maybe worse. How can you think clearly on lack of sleep? Sleep deprivation causes all kinds of mental and physical problems.
How was S when you played the tv? I know you have a no tv rule, but would he lay quietly and drift off if he had something to watch? I only suggest out of desperation and no clue what else you could possibly do. Taking him to a dr probably wouldn't do any good because what are they going to do? Prescribe something? Eesh.
I wish I had better advice.
Okay, I feel like an idiot. One of the other reasons I have been miserable lately is because I feel like I've been falling apart physically. Last summer, I started having this horrible AF bleeding. 10 days of heavy flow, bleeding through super plus tampons more frequently than every 2 hours. I had a uterine biopsy, lab tests, etc. Everything normal. In the meantime, I started getting more frequent headaches and more GI symptoms (which are chronic issues for me, but got worse). My OB put me on Prometrium 12 days a month in the hopes that it would decrease my bleeding. It's been a little less, but it is still life-changing.
I have had to contact my GI doctor who has been trying to add another medication to control my symptoms, and told me I have to stop taking Ibuprofen entirely because that makes it worse. So now I'm having difficulty controlling my headaches, which are almost daily. I made an appointment with my neurologist to discuss my options.
Then today I finally looked up the side effects of Prometrium in detail. Headache, diarrhea, mood changes and depression. I told you guys I have been crying every night lately. Well, I am on my 12 days of that drug right now. So maybe it's not just that my life sucks. I wrote to my OB and told him I was stopping it. I have tried to stop it a few times in the past because I told him I didn't think it was helping, and he kept telling me to try another few months. I just told DH this and he said he has been really worried about me, because he knows I have been going into the bedroom and patting S. and sobbing over him every night, and I have been crying at other times too. He said, "No, your life doesn't suck that much. Just a little bit."
I will wait for the one speech lady to call me. I'm assuming she does sometime next week.
And I want to give you big Lydia. I cry sometimes too, but not daily. I'd for sure stop the meds and see how it goes.
Liz, when I test the kids I don't usually have a straight answer for the parents when they ask me that day (I will give them a straight answer if the child is so incredibly severe there is no guesswork involved - but in most cases I need to go over my notes and score the tests to know for certain what I saw, and I don't want to tell parents one thing and then learn I was wrong when I go back over it, so it's best to be vague). When they come back to get the results, I have a detailed report for them.
Remember that this is part of his educational records, which you as a parent have a legal right to access. So if they don't share much with you, request his records and see what it all says.
And NO ONE has the right to tell you you can't homeschool. You are the parent, you are in control. We offer services to parents, and it is 100% their choice whether to accept them or not. You also have the legal right to accept them, and then change your mind later and revoke your consent. You are absolutely in control. That said, although there are many amazing benefits to homeschooling, kids with special learning needs can be really hard to teach. You might want their assistance, even for part of the time, so you can see what it is he needs to learn best. The teaching methods involved are totally different and not necessarily something you will think of without some study. But it's your decision to make, not the school's.
Oh, and about the autism thing - unless they specifically did an autism evaluation, they won't (or at least, shouldn't) give him the label now. They would need a different type of evaluation to make that determination. In my state, we don't even have that label available for preschoolers, only for K and up. Other states vary. The educational labels that come from the school system are different than a medical diagnosis.
Hope this helps some.
Last edited by Gwenn; 03-31-2012 at 09:44 AM.
Thanks Gwenn. I was hoping you'd chime in. Like I said, I'm not opposed to him going to preschool. And like you said, it could be really good for ME to learn what makes him tick and how to help him better. Because I do NOT have a early childhood background, or any type of training on special needs. So thanks for at least calming me down a bit. It's hard to not worry though. He's my baby and, like I said early, it's going to be hard to let go a little bit in order to do what is best for HIM.
Yeah I think dbf is right when he says I have control issues. I always have with my babies. I can't help it.
I know, I just get defensive when he says it to me, bbecause when he says it it sounds so harsh and ... what's the word... basically just mean sounding. Like when he says I have ADD. It's not in a nice way. Yeah we have issues in our relationship that these types of accusations do not help.
L, it's a relief that you've found something that may be exacerbating the negatives and making it harder to cope with. I hope they can figure something else out to get your periods to lighten up though. If S will start sleeping better, you'll be a brand new person with limitless energy.
By the way, thank you so much for your research/advice about my doctor problems. I couldn't get ahold of the doctor so I just decided to continue taking the Augmentin and take probiotics as well. I'm not a big advocate of so many abx *at all* but I just couldn't risk that I had an infection and it wasn't treated properly, though obviously getting a new primary care doc is a priority for me right now.
In a way though, I'm glad he says it. But it's really all in the approach which he does NOT understand despite me telling him over and over that he needs to (for example) not yell when he's mad, we can discuss or whatever. Like when he yells I tune him out which of course pisses him off. Yes, we have a dysfunctional relationship but I don't think there is much I can do about it right now besides work on me. And then I think well sh*t, maybe if I do have ADD, that's why Remy has troubles and it's because I somehow neglect him because *I* cannot focus long enough. And then the other part of me things we, as a culture are so over medicated that I really oppose to even seeing a doctor to find out for me, and so also for Remy. Blah. Just having one of those down days where everything is depressing me.