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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #43051
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    Hmm. Punching in face. Not a bad suggestion.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  2. #43052
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    Mandy, I don't think an appointment with another RE would hurt. Consider it 'informational' only. And start poking around into adopting from China. Like I said, a few years ago I did and ended up researching it far more than you'd think someone with 3 daughters already would. It was both heartbreaking and enlightening and I nearly convinced myself that was a path I needed to take. I somehow got offtrack and decided if I were to do it, I'd adopt from Vietnam, but now I cannot remember why. I think perhaps they'd just opened that avenue up for Americans? And when my father was in the service there, he spent much of his free time at an orphanage in Tay Ninh.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  3. #43053
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    If I do adopt, I don't know that China will be the right path for me simply because of the wait time. They also have a net worth requirement and since my home has negative equity, I doubt we meet that criteria. I suppose it depends whether they consider the value ofmthe house or how much equity we have. either way, there are easier countries to adopt from. Although, since my niece and nephew are half Asian I admit I like the idea of adopting from an Asian country but that won't be the decision maker for me.

    Years ago I worked with a little girl who had been adopted from Russia. Her mother told a story that they when they first saw her at the orphanage, the staff there told her she didn't talk at all. Mom had learned a few Russian words to prepare for her trip and when they took the little girl outside, they saw her point to the sky and say "airplane" in Russian. They couldn't even speak Russian and they understood her. I did a lot of research about Russian orphanages at the time and was apalled at the levels of neglect and the result of that neglect on the children. That was before I was married and I really did feel a strong sense that I should adopt from a Russian orphanage some day. I don't know if you all heard, but Russia has now closed adoptions to the US just this last winter so that will never be an option for me.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  4. #43054
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    There have been some really horrible events making headlines with Russian adoptions, but on a broader scale, there have been long-term problems that have not made international news. There are other countries nearby that are not dissimilar and may or may not be a better option now--I have some family friends who adopted from Poland when I was a girl, but I don't know what the situation is like now.

    I'm sorry I haven't been participating much in discussions lately. I've been popping on and off and trying to stay caught up in my work breaks and stuff, but that pretty much only lets me write a couple of sentences and then I'm done, or even if I write more and get interrupted, it's all over. I had to order food for the birthday party and had a noon deadline yesterday, but on my day off (Wednesday) I ended up going to two different doctor appointments to deal with diagnosing an eye infection, so I forgot to do it and I was frantically trying to get that taken care of during my work break yesterday and they weren't answering the phone. Then we got super-busy right before noon and I was worried that I wouldn't have any food, but I called back later and they told me it was okay.

    My DH has been having some crazy work schedules and it's been stressing both of us out and it's not only made it so he can't do much at home, but I can't even ask him questions about upcoming events and I have to restrict my activities and the kids' activities. The other day he had a conference call from 6 AM to 8 AM and was in the dining room the whole time, which adjoins the kitchen and is only about 15 feet away from the living room. So he got up early and I had to keep the kids very quiet and I fed them out in the living room and just put towels on the floor with their cereal bowls and shh'd them all the time. I couldn't do the dishes or let them play or start laundry. He got home in time to help put them to bed, so he was here to read to a subset of kids, and he had a snack, and then he had another conference call until 9:30 PM. I couldn't do any chores again, because sleeping kids were taking up one side of the house and my dh and his phone call were taking up the other side. Now he is up again early for another 6 AM conference call.

    The twins burst out of the bedroom, yelling at him that they were six years old this morning, and I had to grab them and tell them that they could tell him later because he was on the phone with work. It's hard, because he's dealing with people in multiple different countries around the world and he's been talking to people in India and China and Europe and the East Coast, so they have to find times where both sets are going to be awake. And he's already upset enough about this schedule that if I add my unhappiness to it, it's going to be a lot worse. He's already working on his resume again. Still, it does seem pretty unreasonable to have expectations for a tiny house with 3 small children in it to be an office environment for that many hours a day, OR to have him be at the office (an hour away) from 6 AM until 9:30 PM without any advance notice. What if we'd had a dinner party scheduled last night?

    He's going to China for 3 weeks in the not-too-distant future, too.

    Anyway, I have to get going while I have the opportunity to make breakfast and do some chores.


  5. #43055
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    Oh L, his job sounds evil. What an impossible schedule. I hope he finds something better really soon.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  6. #43056
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    Goodness, L, that is a lot! What I ask DH to do if he wants quiet on phone calls (the situation is much the same here, but pretty much on an ongoing basis, forever) is to go to the bedroom or bathroom. It is unreasonable to expect a 3 year old to stay quiet for hours on end, or for the dogs to not bark. Hope things settle down for you a bit.

  7. #43057

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    Yeah, L, that sounds awful. I know at our house, when one person has a really difficult thing going on with work, it really affects everyone else, and it sounds like that is happening bigtime at your house. I hope you can find a solution that works a little better. I'm wondering the same as Suja - could he set up in your bedroom for those early and late calls? Sounds so stressful for everyone, your dh included.

    I'm glad the food people were flexible with you. When you have a lot going on, it's so wonderful when someone cuts you slack. Feels like a gift.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  8. #43058
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    We don't have any bedrooms that don't have little people sleeping in them at night (S. still has his bed in our room), so DH can't move into the bedrooms at night, and he could potentially move into our bedroom in the morning if the kids are awake and out in the living room/kitchen area, but that room has the only shower and my clothes and shoes and toothbrush/toiletries and S's clothes, so I would still be disturbing him to get ready and out of the house. I do think it would be better, though.

    I suggested that he go out and sit in my car this morning, actually, because I needed to have everyone take showers AND eat breakfast all in the same morning, and I thought my car would be quiet and the WiFi would reach out there. He went in the bedroom and finished the call before shower time, but I ran out of time to brush my teeth and put on deodorant and he asked me when I'd be out of the bathroom.

    We need to set up another router so we can get WiFi in the separate building we have, that actually is designed to be a home office and is now just a holding area for toys and camping equipment and aquarium supplies and rockets. I've been suggesting that for ages. That's where he used to work on his thesis in grad school. He's got a huge desk with surround sound speakers, his own photography framed on the walls, and then a bunch of stuff everywhere else on top of this beautiful antique Persian rug his mother gave to him. It's also got the third car seat that belongs in his car, that he took out three weeks ago and swore to me that he'd put it back no later than Tuesday that same week in case he needed to take all three kids in his car for some reason. So you can see how well deadlines work.


  9. #43059
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    I can't really contribute much to the adoption conversation. It is not something I am knowledgeable about in the least. I did look pretty extensively into the state foster to adopt program, but that is about it. I only hope that whatever decision you make is one that brings you peace and happiness, you deserve it

    L, what a headache Ugh, so much to handle.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  10. #43060

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    We just got home from awesome camping trip. But Kai has a horribly infected tick bite that he is on antibiotic for. It is very painful.

    I asked the woman who hosts our csa site if she could possibly hold my box until today since I would not be able to pick up Thursday. She said yes and that if she could, she would put it in the garage refrigerator so it wouldn't spooning that she didn't know if there was room. I just went to pick it up an unfortunately she could not make room and most of the lettuce produce is slimy. Also, I could not find my bread so I checked the refrigerator and found no bread but cases of beer that would have been so simple to pull out for one night so my vegetables would not spoil. I know she ha no obligation to do that but it seems like common decency. Now I have to call her to see if she knows where my bread is.

    L, I know so well the stress of keeping the kids quiet so he can take a phone call. I rearranged our whole house to make him an office because I couldn't do it anymore. It was awful!

    Now I need to shower- it's been a few days!

  11. #43061
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    Bridget, I remember that the CSA lady has seemed like kind of a flake in the past, too. I hope that you get all the food you need and you get to a point where neither you nor she feels put-upon by the other.

    I hope Kai's ear gets better soon. I was at work yesterday when I saw your post about his ear, and I clocked out and started looking up the recommended treatment and if & when antibiotics were recommended (it can be more complicated depending on where and when and who, and if the tick is specifically identified as one kind or another), and started reading all of these articles, and was going back on to post a reply when I saw that it was mostly for the infection and by that time I was really late leaving work and needed to get through traffic so I ended up not writing anything and it would have taken me longer to start over in a different direction. But I'm sorry to hear about the infection. Is it getting better at all?

    We had to dig out a pile of ticks (okay, only two) from R's scalp one time, and it was horrible and painstaking. They were one on top of another, and the top one was filled with blood to the point where we didn't even realize there were two there. At first, when DH started gently pulling on it and saw all the little legs, he thought it had given birth and there were a bunch of babies underneath. It was slightly less horrifying to realize it was a stack of ticks. Anyway, it was extra difficult to extract them both from the same area, and there was a pretty big wound afterward.

    Now that everyone here is shuddering and feeling things crawling on them, I will leave and go back to what I really should be doing. Wrapping roller skates. And endless laundry. And dishes. And sweeping.


  12. #43062

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    THanks for sharing that lovely story, L! Lol. And actually the infection does not seem to be getting better. I was just saying to dbf that I hoped it wasn't an antibiotic resistant infection. They gave us a 2 week dose of the amox, I guess to ward off lyme too as long as he'd already be taking it for 10 days. Does that sound right to you? If it's not improving tomorrow, I'm taking him back in. It's so awful, his hair was getting stuck in it, and now he has to wear a bandana at all times to keep the hair out and keeping his grubby little hands off it because it says it itches. I tried to get him to let me squirt breastmilk on it but he ran away screaming, "The HORROR of BREASTMILK!" so I guess that's not happening. Neosporin it is.

  13. #43063
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    L, your tick post creeped me the heck out. I am never leaving the desert. I'll take my chances with the scorpions.

    I Kai.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  14. #43064
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    Can you hot pack it? Run a wash cloth in some hot water and then put it on his ear, as hot as he can stand it, for a few minutes a couple of times a day?


  15. #43065

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    I will try that now, L, while he's a watching a movie and in a trance. Thank you.

  16. #43066

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    Bridget, that sounds awful about Kai. I hope it starts to get better quickly. And L, ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod. I actually screeched a little bit just now when I read the bit about "all the little legs." Hork.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  17. #43067
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    I guess you guys don't want to see the actual pictures of the ticks, then, do you, or the tick removal process?

    And oh, the innocence of kids. DH and I were trying to stay so calm and matter-of-fact, despite our inner trembling. We did a really good job. Such a good job, in fact, that R. volunteered the info to multiple people, strangers and friends alike, over the days, weeks, and months after that. We'd be grocery shopping and he'd mention out of the blue to someone in the checkout lane, "Do you want to see the spot on my head where the tick and all of the little tick legs were wiggling out from underneath it? It turns out there were TWO TICKS ON TOP OF EACH OTHER RIGHT HERE!!!!" I'm sure I made a lot of friends. Although I bet it helped us from getting too crowded.

    Oh, and I should add, Bridget, that of course when I say hot you will not make it so hot that it's liable to cause burns. I just realized after a little reviewing that some sites recommend just warm packs, although I have successfully eradicated infections on my toes by reapplying heat as much as I could tolerate, usually by continually rewarming hot water soaks. If it's not getting better soon, though, I'd get back in to see the doctor. Also if he gets a fever go in sooner.


  18. #43068

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    I shuddered. I want to tell dbf the story but he would never forgive me.

    My csa lady brought my bread inside because she didn't want it to go stale. I actually guffawed at that text. Anyway, she forgot to bring it back out and leave it with my vegetables so I will be going back for it tomorrow.

  19. #43069

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    Thanks, L. I promise if it was even a smidge over warm, Kai would alert the neighbors with his howls. He is very, shall we say, sensitive? He is going to eat some roasted garlic so I hope that will help too.

  20. #43070
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    Have any of you ladies heard of anything called Angular Cheilitis?

    I have had, what I've thought was a cold sore, for quite some time now. Looking over some old pictures the other day, I've had it since at least November. It's quite painful. I've tried everything to remedy it. While Google-ing today, I came across Angular Cheilitis and it seems to fit Not like I can go a doctor though (being as I don't have one ) and I've been unsuccessful in finding any natural remedys............

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  21. #43071
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    No one can ever skeeve me out with tick stories. I've easily pulled dozens off ticks off the dogs, and a dozen or so from myself. I was talking to the vet one time about a particularly bad tick season, and she said that the worst one she has seen was literally covered in nymphs. There is apparently such a thing as a tick nest, this dog walked through one, and came out with hundreds of ticks on it. They were everywhere, between the dog's toes, inside his ears, rimming his eyeballs and anus,...that, made me shudder a bit.

  22. #43072
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    Yup. Never.Leaving.Desert. Shudder.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  23. #43073
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    If we have any stalkers, I bet they're regretting it now

  24. #43074
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    For the record, I am pretending not
    To see the conversation about ticks

  25. #43075

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Have any of you ladies heard of anything called Angular Cheilitis?

    I have had, what I've thought was a cold sore, for quite some time now. Looking over some old pictures the other day, I've had it since at least November. It's quite painful. I've tried everything to remedy it. While Google-ing today, I came across Angular Cheilitis and it seems to fit Not like I can go a doctor though (being as I don't have one ) and I've been unsuccessful in finding any natural remedys............
    I've never heard of it, but my sister used to get something like that on one side of her mouth when she was a kid.
    From reading a site or two, it looks like it's generally treated with antifungals, a combo of topical antifungals and a steroid like hydrocortisone, or an antibiotic depending on the underlying cause. You can get versions of most of those over the counter, so I guess I'd just try them and see if any work. Have you tried Neosporin? I'd do that first and then try clotrimazole mixed with hydrocortisone. I have no medical training whatsoever, though - it's just what I'd try if it were me and I didn't want to go to the doc. You could also ask your ob at your next visit, though.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  26. #43076
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    Gretchen, are you pretending there is no tick talk?

  27. #43077

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    I freaked out already. Now I'm eating a Fudgsicle, because it's 90 degrees in my house, and trying to pretend ticks don't exist.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  28. #43078
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    Pepperlru, love your new siggy picture. And good luck trying to pretend ticks don't exist. Have I mentioned I got a notice on my door that we have rats in the neighborhood? With the tick talk, riots, shooting children through doors, and now rats, I expect nobody will ever visit me.


  29. #43079
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    Ah, ticks. I have become squeamish since moving to England and not having to deal with any creepy crawlies! The worst things here are the house spiders that run across our living room floor in the winter time seemingly out of nowhere. Even those are miniscule compared to American spiders. We don't have to even worry about snakes either since there aren't many of them around. I guess if you can endure the weather here then it's a pretty decent place to live!

    We used to always be picking ticks off us in the summer in Arkansas. And thenthere were seed ticks. And chiggers. I think those were the worst of all. I remember once after blackberry picking, realizing that I'd been attacked by chiggers all on the sides of both of my legs. Those mofos itched so bad! I never did go back out berry picking without spraying bug spray all over me.

  30. #43080
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    One thing you could use too B is hand warmers. You know those little packets of heat people put in their shoes or mittens in the winter. I have used them before on myself if one of my skin things is starting to look infected. Heat just does wonders. I just put some material between the packet and my skin....something thin like t-shirt material.

    Christina.....I would see a dentist. I don't get cold sores but was told at my last visit that if I ever did get one, come on it and they can zap it with a laser. If it's not, I would expect that they would tell you. Mouth and teeth are their speciality.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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