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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #42571
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  2. #42572
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    In a funk. Brought Pan's ashes home yesterday.

  3. #42573
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    In a funk. Brought Pan's ashes home yesterday.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  4. #42574
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    Yelling at puppy for chewing on the baseboards.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  5. #42575
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    You know, I thought I was over this. Guess not.

    I saw a Newfie on CL a couple of weeks ago. 1.5 years old, dog, cat, and kid friendly, 145 lbs. DH is not ready. I'm pissed at him for that. It would be easier to move on if I had another dog to take care of, and train.

  6. #42576
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    You know, I thought I was over this. Guess not.

    I saw a Newfie on CL a couple of weeks ago. 1.5 years old, dog, cat, and kid friendly, 145 lbs. DH is not ready. I'm pissed at him for that. It would be easier to move on if I had another dog to take care of, and train.
    I know we all move on in different ways. DH's reaction every single time we have lost a dog was to go right out and get another. In the most recent case, the same week. Left to myself I probably would have allowed more time to grieve, but I have to agree that having puppy has really helped me focus on something else other than the loss in the family. But I can totally understand that he isn't ready.

    Bringing home Nero's ashes was really difficult for both of us. This is probably silly, but we were both really hurt because the put Nero's name in quotes on the urn - "Nero". Like he didn't really have a name. We totally felt like it was a shot at how much he was a part of our family. I always called him my firstborn. Now every time I look at that, I'm reminded.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  7. #42577

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    I'd be hurt by that too Mandy.

    I'm sorry Suja. Pet loss is so hard and I'm sorry so many of you are dealing with sick pets and loss of pets.

  8. #42578
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    Mandy, can you have them give you another one without quotes?

    Myles-in answer to your question about siblings and such, I have my brother and I guess compared to him I am and was a 'good girl' but in reality, I was far from it (hello, teenage mother!?). I always have to stipulate (for the newbies ) that even though I had 2 before I turned 19, I was a real mom to them. Rich went to work, I went to school, and we took care of our kids. We never, ever dumped them off with our parents and aside from the fact that we were so young, we really weren't that much different than other beginning couples. And hey, we got 20 years out of the deal and 2 more kids. I think we did great. My brother, on the other hand, is wild and still acts very much like an adolescent boy when he's out with his friends. It's landed him in jail a time or two.

    Of course I have issues but I'm also pretty lazy and don't feel committed to really working on anything personal. Work is mega busy. SCCM went down today and it's beyond me how to fix it. I have no one to ask, I don't know how it was built, and I literally have 3 days training on the system and that was essentially how to build certain things from scratch and what to consider when making key decisions. Nothing about troubleshooting the thing. It's always something in this office and by the time I get home I have nothing left. I'm depressed right now, nearly to the point of crying, because the last two nights I had errands to run after work (last night I didn't get home to sit until after 9:00 p.m.) and I'm just utterly exhausted. I want to go to John's tomorrow and take the kids berry picking (his blueberries are ripe) but that means driving all the way home to get them and my friend (30 miles one way) and then another hour out to his house. (the opposite from work). Christen would bring them home and I'll stay over. It'll be fun, but exhausting. I don't have that much energy. I really, really want a day to just sit on my ass and watch Lifetime movies all day.

    I'd like to quit smoking and I seriously have GOT to get my finances under control. As for interpersonal stuff...I just don't know. I'm starting to struggle with staying professional and tactful at work-something that always came naturally for me. But this office is exceptionally rude and demanding and I'm at my wits end with them. I'm tending to blame them rather than myself lol

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  9. #42579
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    Chrissy, that does sound exhausting. I find it difficult to drive 40 minutes to my parents' house after working a full day and everybody seems to think I'm totally ridiculous about it. I get it.

    Also - I'm so relieved to hear you both say you don't think I'm silly for being irritated about the quotes thing. That's another thing I told my mother about and she told me I was being ridiculous and nobody would be upset by that.

    I'm sensing a theme here.

    And I don't know if I can get another. I'm sure they'd charge me one way or another. Maybe I should go out and find a real urn?
    Last edited by Gwenn; 07-09-2013 at 06:31 PM.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  10. #42580
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    Oh Mandy that's awful!!! I don't care what someone is hurt about-if they're hurt, they're hurt. Period. It sucks to feel that way. Whether I would feel the same way in those circumstances is irrelevant. It's something I try to teach my kids. Actually, they call it empathy. It's not about what your mother thinks she'd feel at all. That was incredibly insensitive of her to say that and I'd have probably burst into tears. :'(

    I'm glad I'm not the only one that doesn't want to drive anywhere after work. I've been like this for years...the mall is 20 miles east of me and it's very, VERY rare for me to go that far on a weeknight. It's a testament to my feelings for John that I'd even entertain the idea of driving first home, then out to his house, on a work night. I'll find the energy for him, and i doubt I'll be sitting on his couch wanting to cry with exhaustion either.

    We've developed a bit of a pattern. Wednesday nights I stay with him (I usually drive directly there after work, but like I said we want to take the kids blueberry picking tomorrow), then every other weekend (when I don't have Conner). I also spend Sunday nights at his house on the weekends I do have Conner and we're still seeing each other every Thursday for lunch. Oh, and we Skype every night we're not together right before bed.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  11. #42581

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    I just think that people have their things that bother them and it's really frigging annoying to be judged by that. This is stemming from a talk I've had with DH over the last couple days that I can't stand being touched while I'm trying to cook and his response is that he cannot help it because he's trying to be affectionate. It kind of freaks me out that he physically can't help himself from touching me. So I told him that it didn't matter if he thought my request was silly-it's disrespectful to keep doing something I've asked him repeatedly not to. I tried to use the example of how we're trying to teach Josh to respect people's wishes of not being climbed on but he didn't seem to think there was a connection and acted all butt hurt about it. He said "Fine I won't touch you anymore" which is a reaction he tends to have. I ask him not to do one certain thing and he takes it to mean that I never want him to do it.

  12. #42582
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    That totally makes sense, Kate. It bothers you, and he should respect that. There's nothing wrong with asking him to wait until you're finished cooking to touch you.

    And thanks, girls.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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  14. #42584

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    Oh, Suja. I didn't realize you hadn't laid Pan to rest yet. .

  15. #42585
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    Aww Suja

    ---

    Remember my gripe that I learned my maternal grandfather passed away from facebook, and no one had called my mother to notify her of her dad's death? I found out that they had a memorial service and buried his ashes on fathers day. Again, none of us were told about it. I despise that side of the family on a level I cannot articulate.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  16. #42586
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Remember my gripe that I learned my maternal grandfather passed away from facebook, and no one had called my mother to notify her of her dad's death? I found out that they had a memorial service and buried his ashes on fathers day. Again, none of us were told about it. I despise that side of the family on a level I cannot articulate.
    Are you kidding? That's ridiculous.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  17. #42587

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    Mandy & Kate, you are both not being silly for feeling as you did.

  18. #42588

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    Chrissy, what a quandary! Maybe next week if the blueberries are still ripe, you can bus into work, ride home w/ John and Christen can chauffeur the kids around to and from J's?

  19. #42589

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    Thanks Myles
    WTH Chrissy?

  20. #42590

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    Chrissy, that quandary comment was about the drive to john's.

    With regards to your g'father, that side of the family is all kinda of effed up. How could they be so thoughtless, not just to your mom, but to all of you?!? Do you guys eat along in general? Even if you don't, how spiteful of them!

  21. #42591
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Are you kidding? That's ridiculous.
    I wish I were. They are ridiculous.

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Chrissy, what a quandary! Maybe next week if the blueberries are still ripe, you can bus into work, ride home w/ John and Christen can chauffeur the kids around to and from J's?
    That's a good idea. I'm not sure if they'll still be good next week though. He's cancelled for tomorrow. He had a rough couple days during and after work & didn't get to mow around the berries like he wanted to. He's feeling 'burnt out' and not up to it. :/ This is the kind of thing that may end up being a deal breaker for us. It's bad enough when it happens to me. I'm not sure how the kids will deal with it, especially if they were really looking forward to going. It was just going to be Jesi, Kaleb and Syd this time. Syd doesn't seem to care, but I haven't had a chance to talk to Jesi yet. I admit, I'm pretty bummed. But that's John. If I'm going to be involved with him, this sort of thing will happen fairly frequently. I thought I'd gotten ok with it, but the reality is he hasn't backed out of plans last minute like this in a couple months.

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Chrissy, that quandary comment was about the drive to john's.

    With regards to your g'father, that side of the family is all kinda of effed up. How could they be so thoughtless, not just to your mom, but to all of you?!? Do you guys eat along in general? Even if you don't, how spiteful of them!
    We used to be close, but as the years go by we're less and less so. Because they keep pulling crap like this and I call them out on it. We were purposefully left out of the memorial because I dared tell them how sh!tty it was to announce Grandpa's death on Facebook before all the kids and grandkids knew about it.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  22. #42592
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    I was already feeling a bit depressed tonight-both being exhausted and missing him. Him canceling the berry picking thing is probably not a big deal. I'm just bummed and using it as an excuse to feel worse.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  23. #42593

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    Hugs, Suja.

    The quotes are ridiculous, Mandy! Totally valid complaint. I am also in the camp that if it bothers you, it doesn't' t matter at all if someone else thinks it should. Kate, I feel you, man. It makes me mad when I get the, "Oh, I guess I'm just the bad guy" bs.

    My little bro was definitely the most troublesome to my parents. I mean, he did almost everything you can think of that you would not want your teenager to do. I was no angel, however, I didn't' t get crazy until my 20's. But because my little bro and I were so close, I kind of got wrapped up in his turmoil with my parents. Especially mom. She was all up in my business hoping to get a glimpse of what he was up to. It was an ugly time, actually. My mom was obsessed with knowing what he was doing. A lot of times when I would see her or call her, she wouldn't ask me one question about me but drill me about him. Big bro was pretty well behaved.

    I bandaged Apple myself this morning with wound wrap and tape and salve. She is chasing a fly now so I will check it when she is more mellow.

  24. #42594

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    Right on about Apple, Bridge!

  25. #42595

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    Chrissy, I would be disappointed too.

  26. #42596

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    I'm sorry, Suja.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  27. #42597
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    Suja

    Mandy- Is the urn sealed? The urn I have is sealed. I'm sure it can be unsealed though. I would have been upset with the quotation marks too.

    I've been reading what you ladies have to say but don't have much to say lately

  28. #42598
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    Suja....I'm sorry that he's being mean and not agreeing to another dog right now. I think I'm the type too who would go out and get one right away. I mean when we got Molly we started off calling her replacement dog. Except now she's not that and I think I still want to get another after we lose Cosmo. So much that I have started looking at breeds.
    On my list are:
    Collie
    Standard poodle
    minature Aussie...this is probably the top choice.
    Soft-Coated Wheaton Terrier
    Airedale


    I have a one younger sister. My DH is an only child. Both my sister and were pretty good girls. I was a bit more drama but not that much. I'm almost 5 yrs older so I kind of mother my sister and it's really really really hard for me to not be all up in her business now that she is 30. I want to be like, did you fill out your health insurance papers, did you fill out this for school (she is starting grad school in the fall). Or tell her how to handle her money. But I have been doing fairly well. So yeah my thing is I can be really kind of bossy and opinionated....enough that I tend to think I'm right and that my way is usually the best way (which is just like my mom....I'm a lot like her).
    I almost always get what I want and am very good at plotting out how to get what I want. Except the one thing I'm really bad at and always working or thinking of working on is losing weight.

    Kate I hate being mugged on when I'm in the kitchen too. It seems I am super cute when I'm chopping stuff with a knife. I'm like dude, I'm using a KNIFE here. Hold on a second.

    I don't like doing much after work either. I don't even like grocery shopping after work. By the time I get home, I just want to cook dinner and clean that up and relax....watch some shows, read, shower (I shower at night because my hair takes a while to dry), play with my dogs. I don't want to have to drive a bunch of places and do stuff. Unless it's a Friday.

    I hope that you guys can work something out to go berry picking. Hopefully the kids aren't too disappointed and understand that sometimes plans don't work out.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  29. #42599
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    Jesi seemed ok. It must have just been me. Jesi hasn't seen John since I worked for him (before the affair) so it will be under a new context. I was a little excited about that. Ah well, there will be another opportunity.

    Bridget, I didn't comment but I'm following the Apple saga and happy that you seem to have found a solution that will work. Poor little kitty! And Kai! Bless his little heart, I'm sure he feels just awful.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  30. #42600
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    I've been an absentee lately. I don't generally have much to contribute to the conversation, so I just read
    Plus, I've been dealing with stuff with the hubs and its been kind of draining. This 'job' he got months ago has really caused a lot of damage/issues for us. He's working his a$$ off and til really late at night, meaning who gets to do every.single.little.thing because he isn't there to help?? Now on top of it the guy has been spotty about paying him and I've been 'talking' with him about it for MONTHS. My husband is a work-a-holic (too many repeat layoffs causes him to go work crazed when he gets a job) and I feel like we've been having the 'if you keep working for this guy I am going to fall over dead because I can't take it anymore' conversation over and over and over again. He's finally on the same page, after a mini break down from me over the weekend, and will be quitting come Friday. He's got some side jobs lined up to make some extra money while he looks for another job, but things will be tight. I think this is the best solution for him though, he HAS to find something more steady and realiable. He can't keep working til 8+ 6 days a week. He never sees me or Nolan, more or less have time to do anything around the house.

    Sigh.... sorry.... I'll go back to my corner now....

    Mandy, I would've been upset about the quotation marks as well

    I don't like to do anything after work. DH thinks I'm silly, but seriously - I just want to go home. There is enough for me to do at home as is.

    B, I missed the convo about Apple - a cat I'm assumming, because my sleep deprived brain thoguth we were talking about an actual apple for a minute -

    Chrissy that is awful When my Nanny died (great-grandma) they didn't do anything special, but still, no one told me for 3 weeks. THREE WEEKS?!?! Like really?? and O.M.G. your having a grand-daughter Chrissy!!! Squeee

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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