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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #41191
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    Ninja class. They are learning to stand at ease and at attention, bow, jump, balance, run, zig zag, stretch, etc. Actual martial arts stuff involves learning high and low blocks, and avoiding the bopper or the noodle monster (duck, jump, run away). Mostly, it's an opportunity to run around and have fun.

  2. #41192
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Ninja class. They are learning to stand at ease and at attention, bow, jump, balance, run, zig zag, stretch, etc. Actual martial arts stuff involves learning high and low blocks, and avoiding the bopper or the noodle monster (duck, jump, run away). Mostly, it's an opportunity to run around and have fun.
    May I ask a question that may sound sillier than it actually is? Are you calling it that tongue-in-cheek because it is martial arts or is it a specific school that associates itself with ninjas? I ask because of the martial arts form my DH is into.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  3. #41193

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    Welcome home Chrissy! Don't Stop Believing is one of my favorite songs. Maroon 5 isn't bad either I'm glad you had such an awesome time.

    Hugs Mandy! We'll still be here no matter when and how often you need a break

  4. #41194
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Mylah, thanks for that message. I don't think it is you lovely ladies who are the root of my issues, although I am recently a little more selective in my responses to this thread. I get what you are saying - but really I just need to figure a few things out. My life is what it is. Kids are my business (and that will never change) so I will always be faced with issues of child development - and actually I get a lot of insight from you all as to what typical kids are like which helps me out for work as much as personally! So I don't really see myself leaving at the moment, but I can and will take some steps back when I need to. Just all of you know that if I don't respond to something in particular, don't take it personally.

    I just have to come to terms with the fact that the life I planned for myself is looking very different from the life I have. But many of us have that, in different ways.

    G, my partner at work, had a miserable day yesterday. She has a son and grandson, but lost her older son when he was in his 20's. Mother's Day is sad for her too - but she can't avoid it either because of her son and grandson. It is what it is, and it sucks. At least we relate with one another.


    I admire you and Jennifer for your unfailing support of all of us. I know it cannot always be easy, especially when someone (er, me) posts about her 18 year old being pregnant. It's ok if either of you have been less than thrilled. It is what it is. I've thought a lot about you two and I'll just say it...if it were up to me, ideally this wouldn't be the scenario. But we only have what we're given to work with and make our own happiness so for me, I had to chose to be happy for my daughter. If that makes sense. But it's not without any thought for others that are professionally established, more mature, and struggling to conceive Especially my dear friends.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  5. #41195
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    May I ask a question that may sound sillier than it actually is? Are you calling it that tongue-in-cheek because it is martial arts or is it a specific school that associates itself with ninjas? I ask because of the martial arts form my DH is into.
    The class is called Little Ninjas. The next level is Little Dragons, I think. They are doing Tae Kwon Do. The instructor for the littles looks quite young, but is incredibly patient, and could qualify for sainthood.

  6. #41196
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    I admire you and Jennifer for your unfailing support of all of us. I know it cannot always be easy, especially when someone (er, me) posts about her 18 year old being pregnant. It's ok if either of you have been less than thrilled. It is what it is. I've thought a lot about you two and I'll just say it...if it were up to me, ideally this wouldn't be the scenario. But we only have what we're given to work with and make our own happiness so for me, I had to chose to be happy for my daughter. If that makes sense. But it's not without any thought for others that are professionally established, more mature, and struggling to conceive Especially my dear friends.
    Chrissy, have I ever mentioned that I you? Really. As far as Jesi is concerned, I won't lie that it hurt a tad, but I am happy any time I see loving parents look forward to a baby. Really. What gets me is seeing some of the abuse cases I deal with at work. Nothing, nothing I see on this forum comes close.

    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    The class is called Little Ninjas. The next level is Little Dragons, I think. They are doing Tae Kwon Do. The instructor for the littles looks quite young, but is incredibly patient, and could qualify for sainthood.
    Ah. I was wondering. DH practices this, which loosely and possibly legendarily (is that a word) associates itself with Ninjas. Or in some cases, they take the connection very seriously, but DH tends to laugh at that. It isn't something I can imagine any three-year-old training so I wondered if there was an association. Tae Kwon Do is much more kid appropriate.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  7. #41197
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    I love you too. Lots.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  8. #41198

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    Suja, the group that Josh will be going into when he starts karate is called Little Dragons!

  9. #41199

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    Gwenn, I'm sorry it's a hard day for you.

    I would like to have JoJo take a Ninja class in the fall, but we will see. She is really enjoying tennis a lot, so I want to continue with that as long as she is interested.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  10. #41200

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    I selfishly can't even imagine you not being here with us, Mandy.

  11. #41201
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    I selfishly can't even imagine you not being here with us, Mandy.
    Agreed.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  12. #41202
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    I honestly can't picture not having you girls in my life. I don't know WHAT I would have done when DH was deployed and I was alone. Seriously.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  13. #41203
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    I selfishly can't even imagine you not being here with us, Mandy.
    Couldn't agree more. This site would be a lot poorer as well.

    I think that it is as I suspected, and Myles is a much more generous person than I am.

  14. #41204

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    And wise to boot. I think that was very loving advice.

    Kai is a little dragon too. He loves martial arts. My only wish is that it was longer. 30 mintues is nothing and he's never ready to be done.

    Busy day 'round here. Praying mantis' hatched this weekend so we released them today. Let the chickens out to hang with us in the back yard and lots of herding them back onto our lawn. A lone of piece of asparagus popped up in the strawberry patch and all 5 children (mine+2) want me to cook it for lunch tomorrow. Gonna have to make that one stretch. Oh, and a bird flew in the kitchen this morning. We all screamed. It flew back out. Omg am I glad it flew back out.

  15. #41205

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    Oh, and this. The house next door is getting a new roof and room added. So these guys are on the roof all day and our houses are really really close together. It's just 3 houses on this part of the street but they are close. Anyway, one of them, the whole time I am out there with the kids is driving me NUTS. He will sit and quote movie lines, or sing songs, or just say weird stupid sh!t. And I refuse to even look in his direction. I mean, I say good morning in the morning and we exchanged a few pleasantries here and there. I was very accepting of his apology about hammering until 10pm one night because he thought it was going to rain. BUT it is a pet peeve of mine when people try to draw attention to themselves while feigning innocence. You know the people I'm talking about, right? I mean, I'd have more respect for him if he just busted out a trumpet and played a song and OWNED his attention hungry self. The kicker is that when I am inside the house, he's quiet. Because I've made a point to listen through the window. Nada.
    So today during Sawyer's nap I was doing a math lesson with S and K on the deck and I don't know what happened over there (because I refuse to look) but he started swearing like mad. I'm talking a half dozen F-bombs among other things in a matter of 2-3 minutes. Now, my kids didn't even flinch because we were in the middle of something hilarious (Life of Fred math lessons, btw, are awesomely entertaining) but it was obnoxious. I didn't look. Then he finally finishes and says, "Oh, hey! Sorry about that." I still didn't look. Just went right on reading like he wasn't there. When will he give up??

  16. #41206
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    Oh, man, he sounds irritating! That is exactly the type of person my DH hates the very most, the "look at me" type. I would have had to hold him back, I think!
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  17. #41207
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    I'm not sure he will give up B. He may even saunter over & try to engage you in conversation. Me thinks he has a crush, and really...who could blame him? Obnoxious that it is.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  18. #41208
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    Oh, and even though I'm late to the whole conversation, I wanted to add my for mothers day. I didn't get a chance to respond, and I know I wanted to say a whole lot to you...but rather than dig all those negative feelings back up I'll just let it be. I was definitely feeling for you though. On all of it.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  19. #41209

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    Thank you, Chrissy.
    Hmmm. I wonder what it is about me that has him crushing? Is it the missing tooth? Perhaps the 5-6 children always sauntering around me? Oh I know, I know...my chicken catching capabilities! Now THAT will turn a man's head. And for sure any man who drops fbombs around my kids is soooooper sexy.

    Mandy, your dh and I have the same pet peeve I guess because it irritates the crap out of me. It happens sometimes with parents at the park and whatnot, when they are responding to, or talking to their child in all the oh so perfect language but looking around them the whole time to make sure everyone is listening. As if we can help it when they talk so loudly. The only one not listening is the child! Come ON. Actually, dbf does it. Acts like father of the year in public trying to be really clever and then look around and say to whomever is listening, "Yeah, I've got my hands full."
    Puh-leeze. I've called him out before.

  20. #41210
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    LOL! One time we went to a party with some people from DH's old work and the woman who hosted the party was showing her toddler (like, 18 months) a blanket and asking her to name all the colors. The little one said "purple" and her mom told her, "No, lavendar. La-ven-dar" and looked pointedly at me. I think she was trying to show off because she knew I was a speech therapist. Lady, seriously, I don't care if your 18 month old knows the difference between purple and lavendar. Doesn't impress me in the slightest.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  21. #41211
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post

    I just have to come to terms with the fact that the life I planned for myself is looking very different from the life I have. But many of us have that, in different ways.

    .
    That is so true! I just have no idea where I am going right now. Waiting to see if and how much my hours might be reduced at work. Looking at DH maybe getting a new degree and eventually job. Haven't pulled out of adoption but have considered just having it be us and our doggies. Though it's not like people are asking to be parents to their babies. I just had an update with the social worker and I know my portfolio in all this time has never gone out. No reason why....we have a good letter and picture. There are days I want it to happen so much....and days where I'm thinking that maybe we might be happier without a child. So yeah, no clue and it's definitely NOT how my life was supposed to look the year I turn 35. Even my MIL was saying she has never known me to be so indecisive. Normally I get an idea in my head and it's a done deal and I'm all into whatever it is. And get whatever it is I want.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  22. #41212
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    I know what you mean, Jennifer. Right now I don't know WHAT I want. Pretty much everything and nothing is on the table. Continuing treatments, adoption, just being happy with my doggies ... I don't know. Honestly I've been through so much with fertility treatments I'm not even sure I want to be pregnant. Then considering we don't have $$ for either adoption or IVF ... talking with DH about potentially another deployment to bring in $$ ... looking at foster-adopt but DH said a firm no to that before I even got to discussing how it even works ... just a lot of thinking. So I get it.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  23. #41213
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    Chrissy...I think in some way I'm jealous of you and Jesi....there is something to be said for having kids young when you don't really know any better. Now I'm older and think too much. What if one of us loses a job. What if we cannot afford the medical bills if something is wrong. What if the kid is really sick. What about losing so much sleep and free time. Again about the money. Again about the money. And again about the money. After so many years just the two of us, we are really set in our ways. Change is hard for us, chaos is really hard for us. Do we really want to change our lifestyle THAT much? 10 years ago I don't think I would have thought twice. Much harder to think about now.
    So yeah being older and all that.....not always the best either!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  24. #41214
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    Would he consider adoption out of foster care? So not fos-adopt but kids who available right this second? The actress that did my big fat greek wedding has a book that was just out last month about her adoption journey. I did really enjoy reading that.

    Yeah I don't know what I want either. Depends on the day. Now if money wasn't an issue....it would be a clearer picture I think.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  25. #41215
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    What Jennifer said. All of it. I'm SO lazy and set in my ways. And although I make a good salary, DH being out of work continues to throw us for a loop and neither of us are disciplined about money. It's really daunting. Especially looking at adoption where you have people going over your finances with a fine-tooth comb. Not sure I even want to lay myself out there.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  26. #41216
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Would he consider adoption out of foster care? So not fos-adopt but kids who available right this second? The actress that did my big fat greek wedding has a book that was just out last month about her adoption journey. I did really enjoy reading that.

    Yeah I don't know what I want either. Depends on the day. Now if money wasn't an issue....it would be a clearer picture I think.
    I read it too, and it was great. I saw your recommendation for it in the adoption room. I think if DH knew what that experience was like he'd go for it ... But wouldn't listen, at least not first time around. It might take a few times. And me being a child development person I'd want to experience those early language development years.

    Honestly - ignorance is bliss. She has a beautiful, smart, amazing daughter. But in her description of their first meeting I saw SO many red flags that to me were glaring, and to her not knowing kids she didn't notice. I would quite possibly not have wanted to get into that situation from the get go. I know two **** much about kids.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  27. #41217
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    Yup I get all that too. I didn't even really consider it because I wanted as much impact as I could have. It's really the same reason why I have gotten puppies and not older dogs (though I'm glad people do!).

    It didn't even stand out to me really....just because I think that is so common in the adoption community. The whole meant to be thing. I don't think I totally buy into that line of thinking.

    And yup, we are kind of lazy too. I mean I'm just used to have so much downtime and me time. And we just stress and worry about everything. I actually sent my parents a 6 page packet of info about the dogs....and my parents know my girls.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  28. #41218
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    Much as I love my DH I don't believe in fate or in love at first sight. I think we made a choice to be together and have worked hard to make it happen - despite "fate" or whatever you may want to call it. So I'm not sure I buy the whole "fate" thing. I also know - both from raising puppies and teaching children - that if you spend enough time nurturing and caring for a little dependent being, you come to love them, and the more they need you the more they love you and you love them. It's programmed in our brain. So I have every certainty that ANY child I brought home I would love. Nero and Marcus Aurelius both I love so much it makes me hurt. And Gwennie ... poor Gwennie. She was DH's dog ("rebound" dog after his horrible Chihuahua died, and he was drunk when he got her to boot). I told him she was his puppy, raise her. All the hours I spent on the floor with Nero, training and cuddling - I did none of it with Gwennie. But like it or no she's my baby, too. Totally mentally damaged, but in some ways you couldn't ask for a better dog. So no, I'm more in favor of neurotransmitters than fate.

    Just reading that description of when she met that little girl the first time - it wasn't the "fate" part that got me so much as her descriptions of how the little girl played and explored the room and interacted with her surroundings. Again, she portrayed it all in a totally positive light and I'm sure 99% of readers read it that way. Since I'm used to reading between the lines when I read evaluation reports and parents' descriptions of their children - there were certain red flags there that she didn't know were red flags. I tell parents all the time, it's amazing the difference you see in a child in a good foster home or adoptive home and how quickly they recover from years of neglect ... but I'd be terrified I'd be taking in the one kid who had biology AND neglect stacked against them and wouldn't recover. Again, I'm jaded.

    And puppies all the way. If I can't raise a mini-human, give me a mini-canine. Marcus knows I'm his mommy. I'm more a mother to him than the canine who abandoned him.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  29. #41219

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    Mandy, I'm glad you're here to stay. Although, yes, I think you're more than entitled to your space, and the lovely thing about the ladies in here is that I think we all know to give it to you... well, except maybe me. I feel kind of nosey/pokey parkerish for shining a spotlight on you in my last post. It was out of pure concern, even though sometimes I think I tend to probe too much. Apologies about that. I love you a lot. A lot.

    Regarding people who talk loudly to be noticed and all that, I have the tendency to be a showboat, and it bothers me enough to want to think twice about what comes out of me. I mean, especially now in the age of social media, when people are free to be as exhibitionistic as they like, I question when people might perceive me as oversharing for the attention. I like to think of FB as an updated multimedia version of a diary, so I want to capture my happenings, some mundane observations, fun conversations, and times I'm goofing around to amuse myself. My old paper journals were very much like that too. I would be very upset if FB closes up shop one day, and I have no ability to back the entirety of my contributions up somewhere. What we share about ourselves was actually a recurring theme with me & my friends down in San Diego over the weekend. My girlfriends & I talked about my sister as kind of the extreme end of the self-spin spectrum (ok, she's a pathological liar), but that we're all guilty of it to one extent or another, whether it's self-hype or lies of omission. Then, it was such a coincidence because I listened to a Freakonomics podcast in my car trip on Sat btw San Diego & LA, and it was called "Faking It", another one of their funny analyses about how and why people tell lies about themselves. One law professor even suggested that it's a survival mechanism and those who didn't know how to "fake it" were sociopaths.

    Anyway, long story short, even I would have found that dude on the roof annoying. I don't like loud people. I don't like vaguebooking, I hate it when people slip in facts about themselves that aren't immediately relevant, what some author once called the "Help! My son (the lawyer) is drowning!" phenomenon. And yet, I think I've been a little guilty of all of those things at one point or another. Maybe there's a little bit of a 'takes a bullshi++er to know a bullshi++er' going on, but my BS meter is fairly sensitive.

    At one point, I referred to my tendencies as "vanity", and Annie, my friend, said "I don't think you're vain, Mylah. Sometimes you surprise me with the things you DON'T brag about. " And I felt that was the nicest (most ego stroking ;)) thing she could have said to me all weekend. Bless my friends' hearts. I really would pay money for their conversation/company if that were possible. Those two (Anne/Amy) in particular call me on my BS all the time 'cause they lived with me for four years.

    <<ETD: TMI>>
    Last edited by demigraf; 06-03-2013 at 12:10 PM. Reason: Overshare

  30. #41220

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    ^^^ Confessional enough for you?

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