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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #41011

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    L, I'm kind of picky about who I friend too. I don't friend every person who requests it in the groups I'm part of on fb. Just because I have one thing in common with them doesn't mean I'll like them as people, you know? And it has turned out that some of them that I took a chance and friended rub me the wrong way, but then I look like a witch for defriending someone.

    I do love twitter, I don't pay attention to the hashtags much and I only consistently talk to one person there but it's an amazing way to get up to the minute updates on tours, contests and appearances by certain people I want to see ;)

  2. #41012
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    Quote Originally Posted by CamaLamaMama View Post
    And you are not old because of hating hash tags and twitter. I'm 25 and hate it!!! I didn't have a Facebook for a few years. I loathe seeing things that are all "#nofilter" "#lovinglife" "#omg" or whatever. I'm all "#stfu" I feel like people are becoming self obsessed between tweeting to tell people what they are doing, instagramig a picture of it, checking in on four square and linking all of it to Facebook. I will admit that my Facebook is a steady stream of pics of the babe though...
    This too. Twitter makes me CRAZY and the hashtags are going to make me go postal some day. Ugh!

    Quote Originally Posted by CamaLamaMama View Post
    Chrissy - aren't apa meet ups the best? I have been talking to a momma that's not on the boards anymore for years and we finally met up when Parker was home. It was the best, we got to hang out for a week!
    Yes, they really are. In the last 5 years all my vacations have centered around my APA mamas. One 4-day camping trip we took to Ohio as a family I managed to squeeze in a mama-meetup.

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    APA secular meet ups are a special breed of fun. We seriously all have to go to Suja's or the FL Keys.
    I'm sorry B is having such a hard time. I don't really have any suggestions because admittedly, I let my kids watch funny cartoons to fall asleep to. I know that's taboo, so I'm keeping that suggestion to myself. Tom & Jerry were a favorite of Bobbie & Jesi's. Actually, they had these 6 hour long VHS tapes of 50 Classic Cartoons. We wore them out!

    APA Secular Meetups ARE the best!!! I agree on the location. We should just show up at Suja's house---"we're here!"

    I think you're a meet-up whore.

    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I do love twitter, I don't pay attention to the hashtags much and I only consistently talk to one person there but it's an amazing way to get up to the minute updates on tours, contests and appearances by certain people I want to see ;)
    I 'get' Twitter for that sort of thing. I've followed some stars (out of curiosity more than anything) so I could see where that would be a benefit. But I don't really pay much attention and I won't be going to any Guns N Roses concerts soon (Axl is still hours late, if he ever appears on stage at all). I wouldn't waste my time. Plus, it's not really GNR without Slash & the rest.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  3. #41013
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    L, I'm kind of picky about who I friend too. I don't friend every person who requests it in the groups I'm part of on fb. Just because I have one thing in common with them doesn't mean I'll like them as people, you know? And it has turned out that some of them that I took a chance and friended rub me the wrong way, but then I look like a witch for defriending someone.
    This seems to happen to me A LOT. More so with people I know IRL, which makes it extra awkward!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  4. #41014
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    This seems to happen to me A LOT. More so with people I know IRL, which makes it extra awkward!
    See, I'm just a b!tch. I unfriend them & don't care what they think about it.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  5. #41015
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    See, I'm just a b!tch. I unfriend them & don't care what they think about it.
    Well, I don't, but I still have to answer the 'So why don't I see you on FB anymore?'..... Uh, cause I think you're a bigot and unfriended you??

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  6. #41016
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Well, I don't, but I still have to answer the 'So why don't I see you on FB anymore?'..... Uh, cause I think you're a bigot and unfriended you??
    Oh for that I just say I'm locking my FB down to just family and close, close friends. It's true that if you have too many, the feed scrolls by fast and if you're not on constantly you can miss something.

    I've also taken to hiding people that chronically annoy me. That's a relatively new feature. In my world, they don't exist...but they still see me Win/win!!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  7. #41017

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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Ugh, B was in bed at 8, and he cried every time I left the room. He didn't fall asleep until 11:30. Poor kid's gonna be exhausted tomorrow. I need to find some bedtime stories that "sell" him on the concept of sleep. Does anyone have any book recs? I started telling him to think of sleep as a protector of sorts because he's gotten so scared of it. He's gotten so dependent on me at night. I haven't slept in my own bed since last Tuesday. He says he keeps thinking spooky thoughts. This is so tough for all of us in this house.
    This may be too simple, but when J started having bad dreams or bad thoughts before she went to sleep, I figured that she needed some way on her own to fight them off. So I told her to say in a sing-song voice "Go 'way bad dreams! No time for you! I'm going to dream of..." and then we would figure out what she could dream of that would be better. It was ice cream for a while. Now that she's older it's not so simple, but back then it was good because it got her to stop fixating on the bad and get excited about whatever cool thing she was going to dream of instead. I still had to go in and help her with it, but I didn't have to stay to keep her safe from them - she was able to let it go.

    How is Abbeysmom anyway?

    I don't get twitter but I like facebook (a little too much). I like being able to be social without having to make phone calls. I have caught up with old friends/acquaintances on there and it's been really fun. It's also a good way to see if you want to be friends with someone without having to commit yourself to a date to hang out. I guess for me it is the equivalent of college or high school, where you would see people just regularly in passing vs. now where I have to find time for it.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  8. #41018
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    I don't get twitter but I like facebook (a little too much). I like being able to be social without having to make phone calls. I have caught up with old friends/acquaintances on there and it's been really fun. It's also a good way to see if you want to be friends with someone without having to commit yourself to a date to hang out. I guess for me it is the equivalent of college or high school, where you would see people just regularly in passing vs. now where I have to find time for it.
    I was just talking to Melissa about this (Newbie). Neither of us have many friends IRL. Some of it is because most women are harsh and barely more mature than high school girls themselves. But then it's also the fact that real friendships take time to nurture. Neither of us (probably most of us) just don't have time for that. The benefit of our board and Facebook is we can all be genuinely close friends who are truly there for each other...when it's convenient to do so. And I don't mean that in a bad way. Most of us, unless we have something special like school or traveling going on, check in daily. We all know if we're having a crisis, our girls will be there for us. We don't seem to need the 'instant gratification' that we'd get with a phone call, although in real emergencies I do know that would be an option. I've exchanged phone numbers with numerous mommies. But our primary means of friendship is online. And it works.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  9. #41019
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    I was just talking to Melissa about this (Newbie). Neither of us have many friends IRL. Some of it is because most women are harsh and barely more mature than high school girls themselves. But then it's also the fact that real friendships take time to nurture. Neither of us (probably most of us) just don't have time for that. The benefit of our board and Facebook is we can all be genuinely close friends who are truly there for each other...when it's convenient to do so. And I don't mean that in a bad way. Most of us, unless we have something special like school or traveling going on, check in daily. We all know if we're having a crisis, our girls will be there for us. We don't seem to need the 'instant gratification' that we'd get with a phone call, although in real emergencies I do know that would be an option. I've exchanged phone numbers with numerous mommies. But our primary means of friendship is online. And it works.
    That is pretty much me. The few 'friends' I do still have IRL get irritated with me on occassion because I don't.... well, I don't do things. Even outside of my husband and my son, I barely see anyone in my extended family for long periods of time (and they do NOT neglect to mention that everytime I see them ).

    Very few people I know accept the fact that I am busy and even more so, that with my free time, I LIKE hanging out with my little family They treat me like I am in the wrong for that... I don't get it...

    ETA: I will say though, that even with family, if I don't enjoy spending time with you. I won't. It's that simple and that probably makes me a 'bad' person.
    My dad tried pushing the idea of him coming to my house for dinner one night this past weekend, I just laughed at him and ignored the question. I've made my feelings for him clear, I don't need to continue to reiterate myself. Plus, its rude to invite yourself to someones house. Tacky much.
    Last edited by Smplyme89; 05-06-2013 at 08:38 AM.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  10. #41020

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    I'll give that a try, Katy. Thanks! However, we already have a variation of that in that his bed is filled with shark "stuffies", and they're supposedly there to protect him, and it doesn't seem to make him feel secure (although it's crazy cute to see him cuddling his whale shark "Snuffalo Buggus" in his sleep). B is very quick with the rebuttals when we try to give him calming thoughts. If we say to just think of something else, he goes straight to, "The only thing that makes me feel better is you, mommy."

    So when we talked about The Magic Treehouse last week (L & B, thanks for introducing me to them the first time you discussed the stories!), I remembered I had the audiobooks on mp3. So I've been playing them again for him. My confession: I've let him listen to them without "vetting" them first. Like, I went for a walk yesterday & he listened to summer of the sea serpent on my iPod with his kid headphones on. I know they're awesome stories - the little I've heard of them, but I wasn't listening with him, and I guess that story's why he was too spooked to sleep last night. He's fascinated by certain stories when he's hearing them, and gets upset if you stop the story, but then he gets a case of the bugaboos afterwards at bedtime.

    Abbeysmom... I still have to catch up with her. I think she's been very busy since Micah was born. I last gave her some good news about me, but didn't follow up with the bad news, so I need to get in touch with her. I miss her.

  11. #41021

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    Try to think of something that gives him the power, rather than the stuffies or you. Maybe you can get him to imagine he's the captain of his ship and the stuffies are all his sailors and he can sail really fast to get away from the bad dreams, and tell you all about what he can do with his ship (up a roller coaster, under the sea, etc.) and how his sailors can do things (spread oil out so they slip on the road or fart on them or something silly and cartoonish) to stop them and then maybe he can try to go to sleep planning that out and then tell you in the morning? And then change it so the next time he's a race car driver or an eagle. That's so hard - at the end of the day is when I have the least amount of patience with her and so when she does stuff like that I have a hard time with it.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  12. #41022

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    I find facebook difficult, too. I'm a little better than I used to be, but I'm terrible at things like wishing people happy birthday, and since I don't check it too often, I often miss stuff. I don't friend people from high school or wherever that I don't remember or like. I don't mind at all friending people from APA -- only the ones I actually talk to or have a connection to, though. But it's pretty haphazard, and I can imagine that I have offended someone somewhere down the line. I just do what I can do. I am working to increase my social activities and spend more time with friends, as I've noticed it really makes me happier, and facebook is an okay tool for trying to connect.
    DH has a facebook page but he only checks like once per month. And we don't do any other social networking, like twitter. I'm not a fan of the hashtags either... seems like it's just become a shorthand for more self-interest.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  13. #41023

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    I consider myself very, very lucky in that I work with basically all of my best IRL friends except my best friend (and she used to work here). I have never met a group of women who see and interact with each other every day who get along as well as we do. Four of us actually worked together at a different job, then I left to come here and they all followed over the next two years or so. My best friend and I manage to hang out with our kids at least every 2-3 weeks and meet for breakfast or lunch without kids every 2-3 weeks as well. But I certainly do value my online friendships very much and really hope to meet up with some of you at some point!
    AKA Lisa724

  14. #41024

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    I don't have friends IRL either so I don't have to worry about defriending them on facebook. A couple of moms I met when Josh was in preschool are on there but they don't say much and are really nice. So are the church friends I have on facebook.

    Chrissy, I've heard Axl is like that. That's too bad since they were so good back in the day.

    Remember when I said I wanted to do a cookbook with one of the guys from nkotb? I think I told you guys. Twitter's been good for that too. I hope to get other fans involved and be able to work with him to put a book together. I have a facebook page and on twitter I post cooking tips and try to get people to "like" the page. I've heard back that they won't be able to consider a cookbook until the fall so for now I'm using twitter and facebook to share the cooking tips and hold contests give away extra bits of nkotb merchandise I've collected. It's been fun!

  15. #41025
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    Quote Originally Posted by MashedUp View Post
    I consider myself very, very lucky in that I work with basically all of my best IRL friends except my best friend (and she used to work here). I have never met a group of women who see and interact with each other every day who get along as well as we do. Four of us actually worked together at a different job, then I left to come here and they all followed over the next two years or so. My best friend and I manage to hang out with our kids at least every 2-3 weeks and meet for breakfast or lunch without kids every 2-3 weeks as well. But I certainly do value my online friendships very much and really hope to meet up with some of you at some point!
    That's awesome! I adore the ladies I work with. Have become really close with 4 (well, 2 now, since the other 2 are in diff departments now). We try to get together, but don't get too much since our schedules very rarely coincide. Leaving them is my biggest reservation when I think about looking for a new job. I know it is rare to find people that you really enjoy working with. Sigh. I'll have to grow up one day, but just not today

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  16. #41026
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    I started on FB because my dog group migrated from usenet to FB. I'll admit that although I've only met one person from the group, I consider most of them to be good friends, and they have really gotten me through some tough times in the past 6 months or so. Once I was there, I was startled to discover just how many of my other friends/family were there, and it has been easier to keep in touch with everyone that way. I post a lot of Mira pics on it, because that's so much easier than sending emails to everyone, and with my family kind of scattered all over the place, it's just an easy medium for communication. And yeah, I normally do not accept friend requests from people I don't know, either in RL or through some online board (but only the ones I'm close to). I haven't responded to dad's 'friend' request, because he's kind of a blabbermouth, and can be insensitive (especially surrounding death/illness), and I don't want to bite his head off in front of everyone.

    I should encourage mom to get her own FB account.

    Myles, is B too old for magic/pixie dust/secret strength potion etc.? I remember, when we were gods, there was a little prayer we would say to Hanuman (the monkey god) that basically requested that he swat bad dreams away with his powerful tail. You could maybe use some imagery like that? In conjunction with stories about him (strictly from a mythology standpoint, you don't have to insert religion), it might be helpful to introduce some sort of character who is strong, and pure of heart, and considers himself the protector of children (that part would be made up), if it would give B some peace of mind.

  17. #41027

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Myles, is B too old for magic/pixie dust/secret strength potion etc.? I remember, when we were gods, there was a little prayer we would say to Hanuman (the monkey god) that basically requested that he swat bad dreams away with his powerful tail. You could maybe use some imagery like that? In conjunction with stories about him (strictly from a mythology standpoint, you don't have to insert religion), it might be helpful to introduce some sort of character who is strong, and pure of heart, and considers himself the protector of children (that part would be made up), if it would give B some peace of mind.
    Is that part of the Hindu belief of divinity in everyone? Or did you mean to say "when we were kids?" Makes sense either way.

    I will try all of these things you guys recommend. When I try to empower him and tell him he's able to take care of himself, he is also very quick to say "I CAN'T!" or "I GIVE UP!" I don't know if he's being dramatic and is probably also a little spoiled from the fact DH was out of town last week and it was mostly just the two of us. He's most comfortable with me. Last Thurs, though, he went to bed without me, when my mommy friend was at our house looking after him without me. It was actually kind of cute. He'd forgotten her name (because he only remembers the kids' names and not the mommies), so she heard him calling from his room... "Somebody? Somebody, could you please come here into my room?" And he asked her to stay with him and pat him until he fell asleep, and that's what she did. He slept the best all week that night. So I think some of it has to do with the times he knows I'm in the house. DH has no problem at all (and is actually better at it than I am) when it comes to putting him down for nap in the middle of the day when I'm not home. And when I'm not there, he doesn't act up. I'm tempted to go to late night yoga on Wed, just so he'll behave when DH puts him to sleep. I'm going to be in San Diego for a long weekend, starting Thurs (to see my old roomies, speaking of IRL friends, and drive up to LA to visit my great-aunt with dementia) so I hope he's fine for DH while I'm gone. Maybe DH will even magically cure him from needing me at night while I'm away.

    The mommy babysitting trades have been working out really well for all of us. It seems we all get a lot out of it. For the parents at home, they get extra entertainment for their own kid(s) from having a little friend around for them. The kids get excited because for them, it's a playdate. And for the ones that get to go out, it's some child-free time. My surfer mama friend returned a babysitting swap favor for me last Saturday, so DH & I got out to see Iron Man. Apparently B played outside with her boys until it got dark, climbing trees and literally rolling around in the mud. And then they baked cookies, and sent us all home with a batch. The mama said her boys had a blast having B around as their guest. So win-win.
    Last edited by demigraf; 05-06-2013 at 10:55 AM.

  18. #41028
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    Yikes! Kids! Although, we may or may not have all been gods, so one never knows.

  19. #41029
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    That made me smile that you wrote gods instead of kids, Suja.

    Rachael, I friended you on Facebook. You accepted, so I figured you knew who I was!

    Myles, Travis tries the "I'm scared" tactic with us and Cash does too. Dh and I double team them and do one-to-one bedtimes. I usually read Travis a story and he'll then read one to me. We chat for about 10 minutes about things we did that day and anything else that is on our minds. I usually then have to shush him a bit and tell him that I'll be going to tidy up or whatever in about 5 minutes, so he should think about sleep. He usually closes his eyes and is off to sleep most nights before I leave his room. If not already asleep, he's nearly asleep, so he doesn't protest much when I leave the room. It's so sad when they tell you that they're scared. You want them to understand there's nothing to fear (except robbers and people like that but they don't need to know that-lol)

    I agree with you about the friends thing, Chrissy. I do have a handful of real life friends, but I have more online friends. I like the people I work with, but most are either really young and childless or older and just not similar enough to me to befriend truly.

    We went away for the night last night with the kids and Rich's parents. We had a blast. We went to a place on the west coast. The hotel was brilliant. They sent the boys complimentery cookies and milk at bedtime and were just super friendly with them even though it was quite the posh place. We'll definitely stay there again.

  20. #41030

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    Myles, glad to hear the babysitting swap is working out for you! I have a situation like that with a couple of my neighbor friends and it works out pretty well -- I am the one at home with a kid who loves having a playmate, and the other mom occasionally lets us have an evening out. The only snafu for us has been that she's not as available as I am, so we tend to get a little uneven on the swaps. I don't mind, though. But sadly, she's having to move next month so I'm losing that benefit. I'll have to try to find another family nearby to trade with, because it really is a nice thing.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  21. #41031

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    Josh is quite the night owl. We go up and read and talk around 7:30 and I leave around 8. He'll try to talk to us for at least an hour. I hate to tell him he can't talk to us after he goes to bed because I don't want him to feel like he can't talk to us or share drawings or whatever he made, but at the same time I want him to know that bedtime is bedtime. It's hard. He doesn't quite get the concept of waiting until later to tell me certain things. The other day he woke me up at 5:30 a.m. to tell me he needed more money on his lunch card.

  22. #41032

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    LOL, Kate. It must have been a very important thing for him to have you top off his lunch card.

    Ash, do the boys every cry or whimper when you leave? it sounds like they're pretty cooperative. B whimpers, jumps on me to pin me down, or won't let go of my arm. And when I tell him I'll check on him in a few minutes, it turns into an all-out bawl, just to make sure we can hear him from anywhere in the house. It didn't use to be like this. He used to fall asleep pretty quietly after last story for us. Everything I read online tells me he's just getting a more active imagination, so I really like ideas like Katy's, which I'm going to copy over to DH for us to steal right away. (That was awesome, Katy, thank you!) Maybe if we role-play earlier in the day that he's the captain of the ship, it'll carry over into night time.

  23. #41033

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    I hope it works for you, Myles!

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  24. #41034
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    Myles, we've gone through rough patches which sounds like what you're going through now. They've lasted anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. Right now, they both are in good phases with the bedtime routine. When we've been through the rough phases with them, it has been a lot of back and forth of going in to their rooms to settle them and leaving and so on and so forth...I suppose a little like Super Nanny suggests but we aren't as strict as she is with the no talking or eye contact thing. We just kept going back in, giving them a quick cuddle and rubbing their backs a bit til they got the picture that we weren't going to stick around for hours. We are lucky that they do seem to fall asleep pretty quickly on their own nowadays.

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    Rachael, I laughed so hard at #stfu! I find #overlyhashtagging #justtoshowoff #lookatme really annoying, too. I am actually considering opening a twitter account, though. I found a speech therapy group on fb and through that I realized there is a whole world of speech pathologists on twitter. Some people whose names and research I recognize, too - sort of the B-list celebrities of the speech therapy world! LOL. Combine that with a couple of musicians I like and I might try it. I would probably have a totally anonymous twitter, account, though. Just so I can stalk me some celebrities in peace.

    Most (all) of my social interactions, other than DH, are either at work or online. My partner G and I are good friends - we talk all day long about all kinds of stuff. I know stuff about her one son's marriage, her other son's medical history and untimely death, her grandson, her divorce, her cancer, her previous work experience, her book club - you name it. And in return I tell her about you girls some of the time. She is firmly convinced I am insane. But she is 60 and doesn't really "get" the computer as a means of socialization. The rest of the time (again, excluding DH) I socialize online. I'm really a homebody and I am busy and stressed and find it difficult to make time to see others. And when I get a chance to have some down time, I want it to be down time and not extended family socialization time, just like you, Christina. That can be more stressful than work.

    Speaking of extended family, though - I might end up coming out for my niece's graduation after all, if I can work out a few details. Which would mean a NY trip in about a month. Anyone who might be in the area, let me know! Add me to the "never had an APA meetup" club. Man, I'm starting to feel left out.

    Chrissy, I dearly wish I could have gotten up to Phoenix to see you, but I just can't see a way to make it happen. I'm not taking DH's diesel beast for a road trip (I can hardly steer it) so it would mean renting a car and cash is really tight right now. I feel bad about it.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Rottweiler fart. Not good.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Omg Mandy! I'm dying over here at your hashtags. I do stalk celebs on twitter. Kim K is my guilty pleasure. I can't help wanting to know what she is doing. I'm ashamed.

  28. #41038

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    I don't have any real life friends and it makes me sad. Maybe I watch too much Sex and the City but I always wish I could have a few close girl friends like that. And I feel like I do, with you guys, but there is just something about being able to meet up for coffee or go to a party, or be able to hang out with you guys after a bad day, or a good day, that is different from the online friendship.

  29. #41039
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    Quote Originally Posted by CamaLamaMama View Post
    Omg Mandy! I'm dying over here at your hashtags. I do stalk celebs on twitter. Kim K is my guilty pleasure. I can't help wanting to know what she is doing. I'm ashamed.
    I confess to spending some time watching her TV show. It's oddly addicting. I had to stop myself.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  30. #41040
    Join Date
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    I confess to spending some time watching her TV show. It's oddly addicting. I had to stop myself.
    I am a sucker for reality tv. The Kardashians are fascinating to me. It's like when you rubber neck to see a car crash!

    I'm legit in love with Vinny from jersey shore. I don't think he is into single moms though. So I guess I better keep looking. Lol!

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