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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #40591

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    Add me to the ranks of tired impatient mama in the morning. My tooth (which is ironically what I keep calling the spot in my mouth where there is no tooth) is finally tolerable without ibuprofen. But as per usual as a result of the antibiotic, I also have mouthful of canker sores. It hurts to talk and Sawyer came crashing down on my mouth this morning in a dive bomb fashion from his sidecarred crib.
    Holy. Hurt.
    I sat him down and said, "No jumping" very firmly. He cried and cried and cried. And I suck because I let him jump on the bed all the time so wtf am I thinking getting mad at him for it in a random moment? I felt like a jerk. I've been grouchy for days not with this sore mouth and I bet my kids are just sick to death of me. I keep telling them why and that I'm sorry for my lack of enthusiasm but they're OVER IT. Lol. And, I decided to let go of all the stuff with my mil. It was getting me all stompy in my own living room thinking about everything. I'm usually really good at shaking off stuff like that but her visit was like a beat down! I'm not sure we can do it again, may have to choose a nuetral vacation spot to meet up. But I had to release all of that anger I was carrying around with me. Do you ever notice when you get aggravated about something and can't get it off your mind, you catch yourself in the mirror and you're scowling? I hate it when I catch myself with furrowed eyebrows!

  2. #40592
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    Yes, I know that scowl, Bridget. I've caught myself like that, most of the time
    When I am having a bad bout of TMJ combined with tendonitis. I am so cranky when I'm in pain. I catch myself in a moment where I feel like I'm about to lose my s#;t with the kids and then I think to myself that that's not fair to them. The other day, Travis dove on top of me when I was lying on the floor with Cash. His knee crashed in to the side of my neck with all his weight and I felt so sick. He kept apologizing, and I told him there was nothing to be sorry about but he needs to be careful when he's play fighting.

    I've had a fab weekend with the kids and hubby. We went shopping today (for some new clothes for me). Rich took the boys to the Lego store while I browsed. I was in my element. I know that shopping is some of your worst nightmares, but I love clothes shopping.My biggest splurge was a pretty summer dress from Super Dry. I love Super Dry.

  3. #40593

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    It's so hard not to be cranky when you're sick or in pain and I think kids need to understand that it's not nice to bounce all around someone who doesn't feel well. You wouldn't do it to them if they were sick or hurt!

  4. #40594
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    I hope you feel better soon Bridget. I know what it's like to be in pain and 'something' happens. We all know the kids don't mean it, but again we're human and every once in a while we'll just react to that moment even though we know better. I'm sure once you've discussed it they'll forgive you. It won't be their predominant memory of you, for sure.

    We got Conner his glove and bat. Spoke with his coach and practice is Thursday at 5:30!! We're so freaking excited it's not funny. I'll miss some because I don't get off the bus till 5:30 (when I'm lucky) but Rich will have him there and I'll meet them as soon as I can.

    I'm so grateful that regardless of what we have going on between ourselves, when it comes to this stuff we're there for our kids. We're also going together with Jesi to her first obgyn appointment tomorrow. She asked us to

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  5. #40595

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    I hope Conner has fun!

    Good luck to Jesi at her appt. KUP!

  6. #40596

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    I admire that about you and Rich too, Chrissy. It's so important.

    What is that toy that Josh is playing with in your siggy, Kate? Is that star wars angry birds? Does he play with it a lot? Kai's really into angry birds these days so I'm brainstorming ideas for his bday even though it's still 2mos away. lol
    He asked me this morning if this summer we could build a slingshot big enough to shoot each other across the yard.

  7. #40597
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    He asked me this morning if this summer we could build a slingshot big enough to shoot each other across the yard.


    If you do, I'm coming over.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  8. #40598
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post


    If you do, I'm coming over.
    Me too!

    We went to a park today, and there wete a bunch of kids there that reminded me of yours, Bridget. They were so carefree, and playing so beautifully together.

  9. #40599

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    Aw, thanks Suja! Things have not been very harmonious around here the past few days but i take the blame for that. It's amazing how much the energy in our home is affected by my mood.

    And i didn't say no to the slingshot so I'll let y'all know! The best part was Savana said, "Kai, we already tried that and all that happened was we ended up throwing ourselves at stuffed animals."

  10. #40600

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    Bridget, yes it is, but I wouldn't recommend it. The slingshot kind of sucks and the thing you're supposed to knock pieces out of is so lightweight that it's really hard to knock any of the pieces out. The last step to win the game is to knock over a little cardboard pig and it is really hard to hit. So it takes a lot of patience, and if Kai is patient he will like it. Josh likes it but DH and I dread playing it. LOL

    There's an angry birds card game that is a little complicated but he might like and maybe you and Savana can help him. I'm sure there are other things too.

  11. #40601

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    We had a good day today with JoJo. DH took her in the morning to kick around a soccer ball and then fly a kite while I took the dog for a run. Then after lunch I took her to a try-out day for tennis classes at the park near our house. JoJo did really well and enjoyed herself tremendously so we will be starting classes as early as next week if we can manage it. I am always so amazed by her athletic ability as I was never interested in sports in the slightest. Though maybe I can try to take a tennis lesson too! I took them as a child but hated it because for some reason they were always at high noon in the middle of summer and just too hot to bear. We'll see. I would like to find something that she can play with either me or dh as she gets older. Especially something that she and dh can do together since sometimes they have a hard time connecting. It always helps if they have an activity to do together. After the tennis clinic we hung out in the park and made friends with some people who just moved here from the east coast. I hope we can get together soon for a playdate - it was fun talking to someone who is so NOT from here!

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  12. #40602

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    That sounds fun, Katy. I just heard on NPR about a new study that suggests the inner drive to exercise/workout (not necessarily athletic ability) is inherited. Thought that was interesting. We made some new friends this weekend too. DH's best man from our wedding was in town, and he introduced us to his friends with a 9 month old adorable boy. We hung with them 3 nights in a row and they're very nice/easy to talk to. They live (40 min away from us, but) just blocks from some other friends of ours who have an 8 month old daughter, so I am looking forward to introducing them.

    Bridget, don't be too hard on yourself. You're in pain, and sometimes the aggravation of all the little just builds to a crescendo, and you need to let it out. I'm sure you held it in better than others would have. I'm sure we've all been there.

    Bodhi's sleep has been so awful still. We put a lamp in his room to let him sleep at night with it on. He's still waking every hour. It's night terrors. We're going back to sleeping with him while this is going on, we just decided.

    Ash, I'm gonna Google Super Dry after this. Your weekend sounded awesome.

    Bodhi has an Angry Birds game with cards and blocks where you build the shape shown on the card you pick. Then you knock it down for the point value assigned on the card. He needs our help with it, but at least he's doing spatial things while he plays. I haven't been comfortable with this whole Angry Birds craze thing since it took hold of all the kids at his school. Just the idea of birds hurling themselves at pigs so everything ends up exploding in the end doesn't feel right, but I know better than to try to keep B from getting excited about what his friends are all excited about. I confess we do have the games on our phones/iPad and he plays in restaurants and airports, so we are partly to blame. :/

  13. #40603

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    Poor Bodhi, I'm sorry he's having night terrors

    I think angry birds is relatively harmless. At least he's not into zombies like Josh is. (cartoony ones, not the really scary ones)

  14. #40604

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Poor Bodhi, I'm sorry he's having night terrors

    I think angry birds is relatively harmless. At least he's not into zombies like Josh is. (cartoony ones, not the really scary ones)
    Thank you. And I know, Kate. That's why I've adopted a "you pick your battles" approach with it. He's not into it all the time anyway.

    BTW, I meant to ask you guys... If you want to limit your child in particular activities because you - in all honesty - think it'll turn their brain to mush if they do too much of it, do you tell him/her? I've actually told B a couple of times that we don't want him to play a phone game or watch TV right at that moment because it's like "junk food" for the brain and we want him to do something else that will help him learn something new. I think it backfired at those times because he started saying, "I don't like being teached" for awhile. (Some of it was a reaction to being corrected, but it also kinda reveals an error on our part in shaping his attitude towards educational activities.) So now we just distract him and try to get him psyched to do something else. But when you're trying to get him to go outside and play in the wood pile, it's hard to compete with a bright, vivid, funny phone game. So I'm just curious for those of you who've BTDT... do you explicitly put certain activities into a category that you tell them they can only do for short amounts of time, or do you just keep it subtle, and act like those activities are only available at particular times without telling him/her why you're restricting them? And how much do you explain to them about why you're restricting it?

  15. #40605

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    I haven't gotten too much into the why at this point. I phrase it more like, "playing on mommy's kindle is something special that we only get to do once in a while". Or for tv I just say, we've watched enough today, time to do something else. We don't have set amounts/times for anything, some days are more than others. Luckily, outside trumps everything so as long as the weather cooperates, it's easy.
    AKA Lisa724

  16. #40606

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    Ash, I looked at some Superdry dresses and they were super cute. They kind of have an Anthropologie vibe to them, an aesthetic I love, and when I try to upcycle-sew my own clothes, I try to give them that same vintagey, quirky patchwork look. Have you ever shopped there? I'll be you'd look great in their stuff. Btw, I used to watch a show on Sundance channel called "Man Shops Globe" all about a buyer for Anthropologie. I don't think I'd ever want to have to shop that aggressively, but it was fun to see the things he'd come across and the ways he'd refashion them for market.

  17. #40607

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    Hey people! Haven't had time to catch up in here. I had a great time for my birthday in the Myrtle Beach area and am planning on going back for DHs and Elle's birthday because all of us enjoyed it so much and they didn't even get on my nerves too bad. Also, my aunt moved of my house finally!!!! (jumping up and down here!!) So I finally have my office/closet/guest bedroom back. We have been busy doing some spring cleaning trying to get everything back in order and Ky is starting baseball this week so we are coming up on our busy season for our family. Luckily this new league doesn't seem as hectic as last year as last year we had practice everyday for 2 hours and 1-2 games per week. They only practice twice a week for one hour with the new league, even though I don't think that is enough practice, I am happy not to have our household turned upside down for baseball, if they stick to the schedule. Since Ky is on the older kids' team, they will more than likely practice more and play more games, but it doesn't look like last year's schedule so I am satisfied in that.

  18. #40608

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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Thank you. And I know, Kate. That's why I've adopted a "you pick your battles" approach with it. He's not into it all the time anyway.

    BTW, I meant to ask you guys... If you want to limit your child in particular activities because you - in all honesty - think it'll turn their brain to mush if they do too much of it, do you tell him/her? I've actually told B a couple of times that we don't want him to play a phone game or watch TV right at that moment because it's like "junk food" for the brain and we want him to do something else that will help him learn something new. I think it backfired at those times because he started saying, "I don't like being teached" for awhile. (Some of it was a reaction to being corrected, but it also kinda reveals an error on our part in shaping his attitude towards educational activities.) So now we just distract him and try to get him psyched to do something else. But when you're trying to get him to go outside and play in the wood pile, it's hard to compete with a bright, vivid, funny phone game. So I'm just curious for those of you who've BTDT... do you explicitly put certain activities into a category that you tell them they can only do for short amounts of time, or do you just keep it subtle, and act like those activities are only available at particular times without telling him/her why you're restricting them? And how much do you explain to them about why you're restricting it?
    We make TV watching very limited. I tell Elle it is because I want her to develop a super imagination and learn to do more things than watch TV. Even though she loves her some Clifford, she seems to understand and will make me a "beautiful picture" instead. She is also not allowed on the computer for the same reason, even though every once in a while, we do watch movies on the computer, mostly home videos of her as a baby and she enjoys that and doesn't really see the computer as anything other than a video watching machine lol. I did recently buy a Kindle and I have shown her some word games on it, but I told her it is Mommy's and is not for her unless Mommy says she can play/use it. She is okay with that since she has her own things that are only for her and not for me or Ky or DH, just her, so she gets that.

  19. #40609

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    Yes, I refer to it as "screen time". ipad, tv, xbox...I try to limit it and I tell him it's important to get some exercise and do activities that help him use his imagination or skills. He doesn't complain too much if I find something interesting enough for him to do, but that is the challenge. I really think he is more intelligent than typical kids his age, but I may be biased ;)

    So if I do get him an app I try to lean towards educational, although he does have some purely fun apps. And I'm trying to steer him towards nature shows and things like that rather than all action cartoons.

  20. #40610
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    BTW, I meant to ask you guys... If you want to limit your child in particular activities because you - in all honesty - think it'll turn their brain to mush if they do too much of it, do you tell him/her? I've actually told B a couple of times that we don't want him to play a phone game or watch TV right at that moment because it's like "junk food" for the brain and we want him to do something else that will help him learn something new. I think it backfired at those times because he started saying, "I don't like being teached" for awhile. (Some of it was a reaction to being corrected, but it also kinda reveals an error on our part in shaping his attitude towards educational activities.) So now we just distract him and try to get him psyched to do something else. But when you're trying to get him to go outside and play in the wood pile, it's hard to compete with a bright, vivid, funny phone game. So I'm just curious for those of you who've BTDT... do you explicitly put certain activities into a category that you tell them they can only do for short amounts of time, or do you just keep it subtle, and act like those activities are only available at particular times without telling him/her why you're restricting them? And how much do you explain to them about why you're restricting it?
    That's an interesting question. One for which I don't have an answer for. I never really thought about how to present why we restrict T.V. time. Nolan took very little interest in T.V. until recently when he discovered SpongeBob Though, I only have myself to blame. Between the fatigue and nausea over the past couple months, mama has resorted to T.V. too much

    Quote Originally Posted by MashedUp View Post
    I haven't gotten too much into the why at this point. I phrase it more like, "playing on mommy's kindle is something special that we only get to do once in a while". Or for tv I just say, we've watched enough today, time to do something else. We don't have set amounts/times for anything, some days are more than others. Luckily, outside trumps everything so as long as the weather cooperates, it's easy.
    Outside is usually a winner here as well. Prior to this pregnancy our general routine was that he would go outside and play (fence locked, back door proped open so I could see him from my kitchen ) while I cooked dinner. He loves it and never wanted to come back inside, I had to brib him most of the time

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  21. #40611
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    Conner loves Zombies. Or fighting them. I really don't think a whole lot of it. I don't view Angry Birds as any more harmful than Wily the Coyote, and I certainly do not buy into the bull**** that that cartoon generated a bunch of violent kids. If that cartoon taught any lesson at all, it was that if you're going to mess with an innocent road runner, you're going to get yourself hurt.

    I'm glad you had a great trip Erin! Happy news that the fam didn't get on your nerves too much, the aunt has moved on, and Ky's schedule appears to be lighter this year Baseball is just beginning for us too. I'm very excited!!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  22. #40612
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    We saw some obvious harm with tv, like when Claire said she didn't want to go for a walk on Father's Day with DH because she wanted to stay home and watch tv. And we have the Berenstein Bear's book called "Too Much TV." So I remind them that we limit it for a reason, that there is such a thing as (and they all chime in) "TOO MUCH TV," and if there is any more questioning, I remind them about the times that TV became more important than just about everything, including going for walks or spending time with each other, and that is the reason we have it just for special occasions. So I don't talk about the effect on the brain or anything.

    We had a very exhausting but fun day yesterday. We went to a swimming hole in a stream with Krystal5 and Maiya and their dog, and spent the afternoon wading around and throwing sticks for the dog and at the end of the day R. found some frog eggs and we took them home. They are already hatching and we have little tadpoles swimming around in a jar. That was our second 3-hour playdate of the day, though, and the drive home was tense and filled with shrieking and R. threw his shoe at my head right as I was trying to merge into heavy traffic. So I actually did let the kids watch TV when we got home for a little while, because they were tired and irritable but unable to relax and they needed some quiet time without talking to each her.

    And DH said this morning he is tired of me being sick for the past four months and snoring so much that he can't sleep, so I finally made a doctor's appointment to get this sinus infection taken care of. I kept hoping it would get better. Wish me luck.


  23. #40613

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    L, we have "Too Much T.V." too. I don't know if it's my imagination or if B is really this sensitive, but he gets this look on his face like he knows the whole book is a lecture directed right at him. LOL.

    I hope there's a quick/easy fix for your sinus issues! I remember Molly (Abbeysmom, whom I recently got back in touch with) used to use a regular sinus rinse (neti pot) and said it made all the difference. Have you tried anything like that?

  24. #40614

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    Good luck, L! Gosh, those longterm sinus infections really can do a number on you. I hope you can get in quickly and get it solved. Sounds like you had a fun, busy weekend!

    We did too -- this last week we've been redoing the landscaping in the backyard. A lot of work, and it's not even close to done. DH has been home working on it. He finally finished his big project and got to take a little time off. I kind of wish we'd had a little more relaxing time built into his break -- I feel like I'm still worn out, but I really wanted the backyard thing to happen and I'm glad it is moving along.

    We had friends over yesterday all day, started with lunch and they stayed through dinner. They have two kids, one in K and one Noe's age. There was a lot of playing, crying and screaming going on, but it was mostly a very good time.

    I haven't been on the computer much for a while and probably won't be on very often on evenings and weekends from now on. DH and I are having a little issue about it. He doesn't like to see me online at all when he's home. I don't think I spend too much time on it, but it seems he's gotten a little pet peeve about it, particularly after last weekend when I had deadlines and had to work on it when he was home. I tried cutting back to just a couple of very short email checks, but even that brought some passive-aggressive action from him, in the form of a text page that came up as soon as I woke up the computer that read, "This house needs your attention more than the internet does"). He doesn't do facebook or keep up with friends via email, and it seems to be really bugging him if I even take a moment. I'm not really sure how to handle it -- I'm sad and a bit frustrated that he's judging me on this to the degree he is, but I don't feel up to having a big talk with him about it right now, so I'm just going to lay low for a bit. I'm sorry if I miss anything or can't catch up.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  25. #40615
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    No, I'm too scared of the meningitis deaths from neti pots. I do saline nasal spray though.

  26. #40616

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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    L, we have "Too Much T.V." too. I don't know if it's my imagination or if B is really this sensitive, but he gets this look on his face like he knows the whole book is a lecture directed right at him. LOL.

    I hope there's a quick/easy fix for your sinus issues! I remember Molly (Abbeysmom, whom I recently got back in touch with) used to use a regular sinus rinse (neti pot) and said it made all the difference. Have you tried anything like that?
    Ha on Bodhi's look! We too have "Too Much TV," and Noe loves reading it, but then seems to gleefully want to watch even more tv. And as for what we tell her -- like pp, we just say that it's better to exercise her imagination and play. I think I have said that too much tv is bad for her brain, but I'm not sure I've been specific. I probably worded it like "tv doesn't help your brain and body grow and be strong like playing does."
    The girl does love her screen time, though. We try our best to limit, though honestly we don't see many ill effects even if she does watch more than usual. This fall/winter I've definitely let it go a little more than I'd like.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  27. #40617
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    Mira is not quite there yet, but I set a timer for her when she starts watching something, and when it's done, it's done. Oops! Timer said it's time to turn off the TV works most of the time. She isn't all that into it, though. Mostly because she thinks there are only two channels on, HGTV and Food Network.

    We also have talks, separate from TV/iPad watching about ways to make your brain grow, your eyes bright, your skin soft, etc. and they involve eating fruits and vegetables, going out and playing, and not staring into a screen for too long.
    Last edited by Suja; 04-22-2013 at 03:18 PM.

  28. #40618

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    Myles, I do tell my kids that their brain is a muscle and the more they use it, the stronger it gets and that watching tv and playing kindle does not work their brain very hard so while it's fine for sometimes, it cannot be often. I really had to let go of my desire to have no video games and once a week movies. They were seeing their friends and hearing their friends talk about angry birds, and phinneus and ferb, etc. So I caved and we do 45 minutes of kindle time a day and movies can be at our discretion. Nothing set in stone. But we still don't do tv because I like them not seeing commercials. Kai asks for the kindle pretty much when he wakes up. Savana only does hers once a week or so and that's usually because Kai is begging her so he can watch lol.

    I really stress doing things that our good for mind/body and balance. Balance quiet time with rowdy time, tv time with running time, ice cream with vegetables.

    I got a really interesting email from mil that I want to share with you guys. I'm not sure how to respond. I'll probably erase it from here later. Just for as an add on, she mentions to me very frequently how the children are "too dependent" on me.

    The seminar
    was very fullfilling. It was re-inforcing all the emotions and tools I am lacking. I was so sad when I was in Wisconsin as I felt unable to reach the children at a heart level, even though I love them to pieces. These are my shortcomings and I am going to work on them very hard. There is still a very hurt child within me and I need to heal it before I can fully embrace others. So bear with me Bridget and I may yet be the grandmother the kids need. They do have my unconditional love now and that comforts me. Because they are so attached to you, everything I say and do is questioned by the kids. Because of my own insecurities I have problems with that and became quiet instead of speaking and interacting with the children. It's always "mom does it this way" or "mom says..." and while this is probably natural for many kids, I've not had the experience of it and need to find ways to work with it.
    When I find I can't communicate with the kids I become quiet and sad and don't function well. Add a cold and headache to that and I actually change and stand by helplessly watching myself. That's my lesson to overcome and I am going to work on finding ways through this quagmire of emotions and feelings of rejections. Goes back to my very childhood I am sure
    .


  29. #40619

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    "...to reach the children at a heart level".
    "...the grandmother the kids need".
    Those phrases could mean anything, and based on what else we've heard about her, they seem like a euphemisms for unquestioning obedience and blind love. I don't really get what she feels she should be getting from them that isn't there. She's their grandmother, not their mommy. Of course they are going to have an attachment to you that rightly won't transfer to her.

    It is touching that she's talking about her insecurities with you from a place of vulnerability, though. If it were me having to respond to the message, I guess I'd reinforce that the kids have a special kind of love reserved for her. That she isn't expected to be a parent figure, but a "doting" grandma, there for companionship and not their development - and perhaps she should feel fortunate that their discipline, emotional development, ethics and eventual autonomy aren't her responsibility. It's a great responsibility to bear, and one should only take it on when it is indeed his/her responsibility.

  30. #40620

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    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    No, I'm too scared of the meningitis deaths from neti pots. I do saline nasal spray though.
    Ooh, that sounds grim. I didn't know about the risk (not having tried them myself). Good to know!

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