The boy's got serious boundary issues. And issue issues. Where the hell does he get off, making stuff about her, to break up her existing relationship?
The boy's got serious boundary issues. And issue issues. Where the hell does he get off, making stuff about her, to break up her existing relationship?
Oy... 14... Boy/Girl, there all idiots to some extent and hormone controlled
Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog
Either he's manipulative or deluded. Poor Syd!
I guess I know too many 14 year olds that would know just how wrong that is. I do hope you're right, and he'll shape up as he gets older. While people do have great capacity for change, some things are much harder to change than others. The spitefulness, it bothers me. Anyway, I hope that Syd isn't affected in any way.
No Chrissy, they didn't get the second guy yet. I had to go to a dr. appt in town this morning and he was running far behind schedule, I had Josh with me and the tv's were turned to the news, I just didn't feel like sitting there anymore so I rescheduled and we were going to go to lunch. On our way to lunch there were police cars rushing in the direction of the college and I got nervous and we went straight home. I had already known the college was on lockdown but seeing the police rushing there just made me nervous. As far as I know they didn't find anything there yet.
Oh, I kind of look back on those teenage days and laugh but I remember the agony of every feeling. Teenagers just seem to feel everything so much. Kind of like 6 year olds. LOL
Last edited by daylilies; 04-19-2013 at 03:40 PM.
That would be very scary. It was probably best you did just go home. Who knows where he is or what he's going to pull next.
Syd's actually handling everything really well. She's not overly upset, but just talking to me about what's going on. She knew the one that was trying to cause trouble wasn't a good friend. She was just surprised by it because he had been acting like one. We had a discussion about how often people can act great initially, but eventually their true colors shine through.
Oh, the teenage years were misery, start to finish. Poor Syd.
And Kate, glad you're okay!
Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12
Those of you who use magic 123 do you think there is enough information online or is there something major in the book that I'd be missing? I mean is there much more to the process than counting to three and sending him to his room for 6 minutes?
I'm afraid I'm going to need another process for behavior that isn't necessarily bad, but just not listening...like when I tell him to go brush his teeth and put on his shoes, and he wanders off in the wrong direction, forgets what to do, whines about it, brushes his teeth half ass and refuses to tie his shoes...lol
Yesterday we were in the house all day and I understand it was a very trying day for both of us, but I told him I didn't want to take him to the movies because I wanted to stay in the house, and he said to me "I H Y" which meant "I hate you." (Good thing I'm good at acronyms, he didn't deny it but he wouldn't say what it meant either) I took away the ipad and the iphone for the whole weekend, told DH and what did DH let him do when he got up this morning? Go on the ipad.
I started thinking about what was a good sign of a marriage and how a partnership is so important and we just don't have that. I can't really count on him for anything anymore and he says he's just always stressed out because of his job which really isn't that awful, as far as I can see-yes I can see how corporate screws him over but dude, that happens a lot. He thinks it's insane that he has to drive 30 minutes to get to his first job (he works for cable) and I just think he's whining about an awful lot of stuff that's not so bad. I'm not doing it so I don't know exactly how hard it is for him but I think it sucks that he can't function in his home life because of his job. I keep thinking back on people who have truly stressful jobs like medical emergency, firefighters, police... and also have families to go home to. Somehow they make it work and this cable guy can't make it happen. It really pisses me off.
Last edited by daylilies; 04-20-2013 at 07:15 AM.
123 Magic does not encourage counting for behaviors you want to encourage that they're not doing, like some of the examples you just gave. The forgetfulness, wandering off in the wrong direction, not listening, taking a long time to get ready to leave or get ready for bed, etc. are not things to count. They give strategies for making positive behavior changes as opposed to counting and time outs. The counting is for specific behaviors you want to stop, like throwing things, slamming doors, etc. They emphasize a lot about not being emotional and not over-explaining.
I know there was some discussion about this earlier, and I tend to explain a lot, too. DH does as well. But when it comes right down to it, what I need to remember is that at the time they need to know that what they are doing needs to stop, and after a while, the main message gets lost if there is a lot of explanation. DH has pointed out to me (more than a handful of times) that R. stops paying attention to me after about two sentences, especially if I'm talking to him about something serious. So if I say, "That's 1 for slamming the door," I don't need to go on and say why they shouldn't do it or how their siblings have gotten their body parts hurt in rapidly closing doors before. They know why.
DH and the kids were having an interesting discussion about flapping wings and how a butterfly can stay up in the air despite having fixed wings -- wouldn't the wing flapping make it just go up and down equally instead of keeping it up in the air? Birds can tuck their wings on the upstroke. Claire said something to DH about how if he was a real scientist maybe he would know the answer. DH pretended to be shocked and said, "You're fired!" Claire collapsed into tears. He immediately apologized, and then she apologized to him. She said she knew he was joking, but she was just so surprised by his statement that she couldn't help but cry because it felt real. And she said that she somehow feels like paleontologists are the main kinds of scientists. It was so nice seeing them have this nice conversation after she was so upset, and I told Claire it was very grown-up of her to realize why she started crying and to be able to talk about it and apologize.
Kate, R. says "I L U" a lot, so I will dread the day that he says "I H U." In fact, a couple of weeks ago, I had some of the same things happen that you're describing. R. said "I L U" and I said "I love you too" and he said, "No Mom, I was talking to the cat, NOT to you!" Then I found out DH had been letting the kids watch tv when I wasn't around, and doing other things that felt like we just weren't on the same parenting page. On the other hand, I do think it's not really fair to say someone's not allowed to vent about a stressful job because other people have more stressful jobs or longer commutes. Service jobs can really suck. Commutes can be horrible. And any job can be miserable depending on the people you work with and the management or work environment. That's kind of like saying that people with one child aren't allowed to complain about parenting being difficult (my DH says that sometimes). If it's difficult, it's difficult. You will always find that someone's got it worse, and it might make your individual situation a little easier to bear or might give you a little perspective, but it doesn't mean that there is no stress.
I've been working the past three days so I haven't had a lot of time to post and Claire is calling me to come cuddle with her, but Suja, I'm hoping it's just allergies. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Yeah, what L said. I'm always saying at work that no small child is going to die if we don't do x, y, z, but I can promise you the @ssholes I work with act like that's the scenario. It is indeed the most stressful job I've ever had, and I worked for urgent care before. So what he does doesn't really reflect how stressful his job is. Any time you deal with the public, that's hard...and corporate bs always brings moral down. Who wants to put forth their best effort when they're constantly getting jerked around? Have you talked to him about doing something else? I wouldn't think that it would be too much of a leap for him to work as a network technician...maybe he should just peruse the web sites and see if any area colleges or universities are hiring. Just because my current position sucks arse at a university doesn't mean they all do. It's definitely the dept.
I am one of those that has nothing left most nights when I get home. I literally lay on the couch and I HAVE to nap. I mean, I HAVE to. It wears me out that much, 2-3 days a week. And I'm not a lazy person. Work stress is completely exhausting. It's debilitating, and if left unchecked can lead to serious medical issues like heart disease and stroke.
Claire is so mature! That is a really cool conversation. I think Savana would have some great talks with your dh. She loves talking about that kinds of stuff. I am more into science now than I ever was because of her but I will admit that many of her questions I have to look up the answers to because I didn't pay attention in school.
Kate, I think I see where you are coming from. I get that way a bit about dbf and too and it's not that I think he doesn't have a right to complain. It's just that I feel like he wallows in it sometimes and I really think, outside of exceptional situations, that we can choose to be happy or miserable. I know I can't change who he is but I do wish that he would not always focus on the negatives and it's REALLY hard for me to hold my tongue when he talks about how hard he works because I know he gets a lot of down time and I get so very little. But I don't think he really sees what I do as a real "job". So when he complains to me that he has to work all afternoon and I know the reality is that he has to make 10 phone calls, I have to dig deep for empathy.
This morning I had a tearful exchange with the mom of the children I've been caring for. We just found out that the state is only going to reimburse (and same for future hours) only 1/2 of my hourly rate. When she had them at a center they covered 100% of her childcare but they don't do the same for home daycares, and even less since I gave up my license and went for certification. Neither of us realized it would be that much. So she basically owes me a lot of money that she doesn't have and I was supposed to have all 3 kids this summer and there is no way she can afford that. We are both heartbroken about it. I feel the worst about the 9 year old girl who is here in the mornings before school and talks to me all the time about the things she wants to do here this summer (crafts and cooking and such). So much that I think I may try to cram most of her ideas into the remaining mornings that she is here. It's a tough call on that note too because I really love these kids and don't want them to get shuffled around again. They've had a crap life lately with dad and jail and boyfriend leaving recently. I want to just let them stay until school is out but I'll really be taking a hit financially if she can't pay the difference.
Me either. It's the same here.
I meant to say a lot more in that post but lost track of time and we had to run to a thing at the library. Bridget I'm sorry about those kids It always seems like the ones who enjoy it and need it most get screwed.
Thanks for the advice re: discipline and DH. I know I've been rather *****y about everything lately and I think I am just near the end of my rope with a lot of things. I'm hoping for a fresh start with 123 Magic and I do understand the concept of using it to deter bad behavior. I had a couple questions but found my answers on some websites. As for DH I've talked to him before about refreshing himself somehow before he gets home, trying to leave stuff behind him, not by keeping it inside but putting it behind him and talking to me about it later when Josh goes to bed or something. None of it sticks so I'm going to try to change my ways and if he doesn't want to try and he just uses excuses then I feel sorry for him. Trouble is I also feel sorry for Josh. It's gotten so bad lately that I've been considering looking for another father figure for him. Thought about asking some people from church if I can borrow their husbands sometimes. There are some who seem to actually enjoy being with their kids.
Man, Kate. That sucks. I wish I didn't completely understand but I feel like dbf is exactly the same as your dh. And to have my dad tell me how obvious it is was a gut wrenching confirmation.
Gosh, Kate that must be so frustrating. I feel for your DH and perhaps can relate to his sense of burden, because I sometimes feel like it's all on me too, and don't feel I have as much leeway to make changes to unbearable work situations as my DH does. At the same time, though, it's not cool to use the stress as an excuse to check out of your family life. I think if something is really that unbearable, then you have to at least have the intention to make a change, and make whatever strides you can to get away from whatever's making you miserable, even if it's tiny steps like doing stress management techniques while brainstorming what else you could do in place if the current situation.
Bridget, I'm so sorry you both got the bad news. It must have been a draining conversation. Is there anything the mom could use as trade with you in place of the money?
We went here today: http://fitzgeraldreserve.org/, because some friends with a son the same age as DS contacted us this morning and wanted to drive down to our neck of the woods and spend a day at the beach. Anyway, it always happens that when it's hot and summery 20 miles inland, friends expect it to be the same here. And while it is beautifully sunny today, the wind is blowing cold air off the water, making it shivery cold on the sand. So our friends showed up in shirts and tees, and probably didn't get the beach day they'd hoped for. The wife is 8 months pregnant, so I applaud her for even making the trek. I really enjoyed it because I never seem to remember to go to this place when the tide is low, and today we hit the tide pools just right, and B got to see anemones, starfish and loads of crabs. There was also a harbor seal nursery, so we got to observe a bunch of adorable baby seals from a distance.
My funny anecdote for the day is that, as I was talking to a volunteer marine biologist, a paper bag came blowing down the beach. He tried to catch it, but missed. It being Earth Day and all, I decided to chase after it, not realizing that the wind was strong enough for it to send me SPRINTING a quarter mile after it. I must have looked so conspicuous because first of all, I chased it across a coned-off area, with loads of bystanders behind the line trying to look at the seals. I overheard DH say, "Hey, where's mommy going? Look at her go!" to our son. I was sprinting at a breakneck pace hundreds of yards, but knew I may have to abandon the chase if I got too close to the seals. Luckily, the bag got stuck in some rocks, and I caught up to it. The whole crowd of people who'd been watching me chase the bag cheered for me as I retrieved it. It was embarrassing AND kind of cool to have them clap for me like that.
The whole thing could have ended there, but the wind was still whipping, and I had the bright/dumb idea to put a rock in the bag to make it too heavy to fly away as I walked back to my friends & family. So as I was trying to make a hole big enough for a rock big enough to weigh the bag down, the wind caught it AGAIN and it tore off down the beach again, leaving me no choice to tear off after it. And now the same people who were clapping and singing my praises were now *laughing and pointing* at me for being the goofball sprinting after the same paper bag she'd fought so hard to wrangle only moments before. At a certain point, I actually tried to chuck the rock that was still in my hand, thinking my aim was actually good enough to snare the bag with it. LOL. Anyway, I ultimately caught it on some other rocks another hundred yards away. I think I got my exercise for the day. Or maybe I was just flushed from blushing so hard.
The marine biologist told Steve there's usually no hope of catching a flying piece of litter when the wind's up like that. And he'd tried to warn me as I first ran off after it.
So Happy Earth Day, everyone!
Oh, Myles. I am shaking with laughter right now. I freaking love you.
Myles, you're a riot! Love you!