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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #40531
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    Myles, I know a grandpa who left the house forgetting he had the baby sleeping in the crib and he watched the child often. I know another mom who went into the store forgetting the had a baby in the car...she almost always had a child or two with her...thankfully it wasn't too hot and wasn't a long shopping trip. I know another mom who forgot she had a baby a few weeks earlier and left the house with her husband and took a long walk.

    I think forgetting a child, generally a sleeping child is much more common than we think. It's just thankfully it doesn't usually end tragedy.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  2. #40532
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    SAFE KIDS WISCONSIN REMINDS PARENTS TO NEVER LEAVE CHILDREN ALONE IN A CAR
    MILWAUKEE (5/18/2010) - Warmer temperatures are on the horizon. Safe Kids Wisconsin Coalition is working to increase awareness and urge parents and caregivers to never leave children alone in a vehicle. The warmth of the spring sun can heat the interior of a vehicle very quickly. Already this year, three children have died in the U.S. from being left in a car. Safety experts and child advocates want to remind caregivers to always check for sleeping children before leaving a vehicle.

    Between 1998 and 2009, 445 children died in the U.S. from heat stroke because they were unattended in vehicles that became too hot for them to survive. "A child's body heats up 3 to 5 times faster than an adult's and unattended children have no way of protecting themselves in a hot vehicle," said Libbe Slavin, Safe Kids Wisconsin coordinator. "We want parents and caregivers to take precautions so this tragedy does not happen to them."

    More than 50 percent of the children who died from heat stroke were forgotten by a caring adult who became distracted when they left the vehicle. When left unattended by an adult, 30 percent of affected kids gained entry into an unlocked vehicle, became trapped and were overcome by heat. It takes only minutes for a child to be at risk of death and serious, permanent injury in a hot car. Drivers must keep car doors locked and keys out of reach of young children.



    And this was written in 2012.


    Since 1990, 615 children have perished from being left in a car. How it could happen seems unimaginable.
    “People don’t understand it and it is dangerous that people don’t understand it because they think it can’t happen to them,” Rollins said.
    She said researchers have found that our brains do not prioritize what to remember and what to forget, whether it be your keys or your child.
    “If you are capable of forgetting to go to the grocery store and buy a gallon of milk, you are capable of forgetting your child,” Rollins said.


    Read more: http://www.kshb.com/dpp/news/region_...#ixzz2QqPG6kRo


    Last edited by Cosmosmom; 04-18-2013 at 01:22 PM.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  3. #40533
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    Jennifer that breaks my heart to hear those statistics

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  4. #40534

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    After that story about the father who went to work and left the baby in the car because he never dropped of at daycare, being that his wife did it every day, dbf and I had a long chat. He was saying how he could see himself doing that, if Sawyer fell asleep because he's so used to being in the car without the children. So we talk often about how when we get out of the car, we always look at each carseat. Even if we are so so so sure that we don't have the kids with us, we look so that it becomes totally automatic to make "eye contact" with each carseat.

    I've never done it but I could see how it can happen. My parents once left my brother in the car going into church since we had family up and everyone parked together and all got out and my dad thought my mom had him and vice versa. Of course, right when they sat down and church and saw he was missing they went out to get him.


    The thing about mil is that she always has to talk about what a good person she is, how she'd give the shirt off her back, etc. And I do believe she is generous in a monetary way and does do nice things for people but in her heart I just don't think she is very nice. I saw something on facebook the other day that reminded me of her. Something like, "Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are then your probably are not". I think it was Margaret Thatcher quote. It reminds me of when I used to wait tables and the guy at the table who always winked at me and told me to take good care of him because he's a GREAT tipper, was the one I knew I was getting a quarter from at the end of the night. lol.

  5. #40535
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    Christina....me too. But it does make me realize that it's a lot more common than one would think. I sent you a pdf on FB.

    B that is a good idea about the car seat. I mean I will not leave my dogs in the car but they make noise if they think they are getting left behind. A sleeping baby, especially if the seat is turned about and you can't see it as easily...I can just see how that could happen. And I am not sure how it will work out but I think that DH and I will both have baby at times and I could see us having a seat in both cars. And we are definitely not used to a kid always being with us...and we are not currently sleep-deprived.

    LOL my mom believes that too. I remember her telling this little girl I played with (only child of her friend) that she didn't need to tell my mom how smart she was all the time because that is something that people would be able to see.

    From your stories, your MIL isn't a good person.
    Last edited by Cosmosmom; 04-18-2013 at 02:08 PM.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  6. #40536
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    I'm going to post this now, and go back and read the threads later. I had some work to finish up at the office, and when I came home, noticed that Pan's nasal discharge was funny, a little goopy. I wiped it, and it came up a little brown. So, off to the vet we went. Who said that there are two possible reasons, allergies, or cancer. Because she is also not eating much (which we attributed to depression, due to Khan's death), the vet thinks it is adenocarcinoma. To confirm, we'd have to sedate her and do rads, so we're opting to treat the presumed allergies. IF it is cancer, there is no treatment, beyond keeping her comfortable, and we can expect 3-5 months.

  7. #40537
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Your MIL makes me more and more mad the more I read about her, Bridget. I mean, what a loser she must be to feel the need to be so critical. I HATE people like her. Yes, I said HATE. I think people like her must neglect themselves and their own personal development greatly if they're so busy trying to find fault with other people.
    I agree. I hate that type too.

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    I know this was a long time ago, but would you mind sharing what happened that day? I'm just curious what was going on for you at that time. I think stories like this help me know what to watch out for in myself, as I recently had that awful accident you all know about with Bodhi that I never dreamed would happen. But if it's too unpleasant a memory, you don't have to talk about it.
    I thought I did before? Maybe not...must be my other board. JUST KIDDING! You gals are it for me. I'd gone to the mall with my mother and Jesi. Rich had Bobbie but I was used to always having a kid with me. For whatever reason, I got out of the car and started strolling off to the store when my mom yelled out, "CHRISTINA!" in that voice. I looked back at her and she was looking at me with the most disgusted look. "Aren't you forgetting your baby?" I was horrified and instantly had tears in my eyes. It was winter too. I shudder to think what might have happened if I didn't take my mom with me that day. Would I have remembered her at the entrance? In 10 minutes? 3 hours later?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    SAFE KIDS WISCONSIN REMINDS PARENTS TO NEVER LEAVE CHILDREN ALONE IN A CAR
    MILWAUKEE (5/18/2010) - Warmer temperatures are on the horizon. Safe Kids Wisconsin Coalition is working to increase awareness and urge parents and caregivers to never leave children alone in a vehicle. The warmth of the spring sun can heat the interior of a vehicle very quickly. Already this year, three children have died in the U.S. from being left in a car. Safety experts and child advocates want to remind caregivers to always check for sleeping children before leaving a vehicle.

    Between 1998 and 2009, 445 children died in the U.S. from heat stroke because they were unattended in vehicles that became too hot for them to survive. "A child's body heats up 3 to 5 times faster than an adult's and unattended children have no way of protecting themselves in a hot vehicle," said Libbe Slavin, Safe Kids Wisconsin coordinator. "We want parents and caregivers to take precautions so this tragedy does not happen to them."

    More than 50 percent of the children who died from heat stroke were forgotten by a caring adult who became distracted when they left the vehicle. When left unattended by an adult, 30 percent of affected kids gained entry into an unlocked vehicle, became trapped and were overcome by heat. It takes only minutes for a child to be at risk of death and serious, permanent injury in a hot car. Drivers must keep car doors locked and keys out of reach of young children.



    And this was written in 2012.


    Since 1990, 615 children have perished from being left in a car. How it could happen seems unimaginable.
    “People don’t understand it and it is dangerous that people don’t understand it because they think it can’t happen to them,” Rollins said.
    She said researchers have found that our brains do not prioritize what to remember and what to forget, whether it be your keys or your child.
    “If you are capable of forgetting to go to the grocery store and buy a gallon of milk, you are capable of forgetting your child,” Rollins said.


    Read more: http://www.kshb.com/dpp/news/region_...#ixzz2QqPG6kRo

    I'd agree with that. If you've ever forgotten anything, you're capable of forgetting a child. It happens. It's an awful truth.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    The thing about mil is that she always has to talk about what a good person she is, how she'd give the shirt off her back, etc. And I do believe she is generous in a monetary way and does do nice things for people but in her heart I just don't think she is very nice. I saw something on facebook the other day that reminded me of her. Something like, "Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are then your probably are not". I think it was Margaret Thatcher quote. It reminds me of when I used to wait tables and the guy at the table who always winked at me and told me to take good care of him because he's a GREAT tipper, was the one I knew I was getting a quarter from at the end of the night. lol.
    I was going to say she probably talks about what a good person she is all the time because she's trying to convince herself. There is truth to that. Psychological studies and everything.

    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    I'm going to post this now, and go back and read the threads later. I had some work to finish up at the office, and when I came home, noticed that Pan's nasal discharge was funny, a little goopy. I wiped it, and it came up a little brown. So, off to the vet we went. Who said that there are two possible reasons, allergies, or cancer. Because she is also not eating much (which we attributed to depression, due to Khan's death), the vet thinks it is adenocarcinoma. To confirm, we'd have to sedate her and do rads, so we're opting to treat the presumed allergies. IF it is cancer, there is no treatment, beyond keeping her comfortable, and we can expect 3-5 months.
    Oh Suja I hope it's just allergies.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  8. #40538
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    Oh, Suja, no!
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  9. #40539
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    That was a big old WTF? Allergies or cancer. What kind of differential diagnosis is that? Anyway, started her on allergy meds, and hoping for the best. With the way 2013 has been shaping up, I wouldn't be surprised if this turned out bad.

    Bridget, your MIL is mean, and mean spirited. How you put up with her is beyond me.

  10. #40540
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    I'm just stricken. 2012 was my bad pet year, and now it's your turn. We need some good pet vibes.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  11. #40541

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    Oh Suja, I'm sorry! I hope it's just allergies!

    I'm not sure how forgetting a gallon of milk can be compared to forgetting a child. Not to say I never forget anything important but forgetting one thing off a list of groceries doesn't seem at all like forgetting there's a child in the car. I can see how it could happen if it was a difference in routine or something though.

    I'm sorry to sound judgey. I'm having a bad night.
    Last edited by daylilies; 04-18-2013 at 06:48 PM.

  12. #40542
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    Oh Suja, I'm really hoping it's allergies. I absolutely think that the not eating much is depression. Dogs are very emotional. I mean just a few days ago I was talking to DH and said something about Jax...he was my parents dog and has been gone for over 4 years. Cosmo didn't even live with him ever in her life and she ran to look out the window for her buddy. I couldn't believe she still recognized his name.
    The dog that DH grew up with, when his parents left him either at the kennel or even at home with DH....he wouldn't eat. Even for a week. And was seriously pissed with MIL when she got back.
    I would be surprised of Pan wasn't depressed. and I have heard that this is a really really bad allergy season. I don't even have allergies and I'm feeling it and it's not even spring here.


    Kate, I could just see it. I'm a purse girl. My purse has my life in it. I carry it everywhere. Even when working, it's at my feet under my desk and I leave my desk and it comes with me. It's is super ingrained in my being to have my purse on it. It's not a small purse either as I have a water bottle and book in it. Two weeks ago I went from my one desk in the lobby of one building to my 2nd floor desk in our main library in a different building. I FORGOT my purse. I NEVER forget my purse. I felt such panic and rushed down there and thank god it was still under my desk. I was just picturing all my credit cards gone and my identity stolen. I still cannot believe I did that. I have carried a purse more years than I haven't....since I was about 13 yrs old, so 21 years I have spent with a purse attached to me.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  13. #40543

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    Suja, I'm so sorry. You really don't need any more pet grief! I really hope Pan's trouble turns out to be allergies. I think sometimes vets say those things that seem so odd because they just can't tell the bad stuff without lots of testing but they don't want to not say anything about the possibility. My MIL's cat was having bowel issues and she took her to the vet, and the vet said it was either incurable cancer or irritable bowel syndrome. They changed her food, and she's fine. I hope Pan heals up just as well.

    Bridget, I can't believe your MIL. I hope you don't have to deal with her too often. What a passive-aggressive hag.

    Christina, I'm glad your BP was down a little... hope it stays there! It's funny how stress can raise your BP... but the reason you're stressed is because your BP is high!
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  14. #40544
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Oh Suja, I'm sorry! I hope it's just allergies!

    I'm not sure how forgetting a gallon of milk can be compared to forgetting a child. Not to say I never forget anything important but forgetting one thing off a list of groceries doesn't seem at all like forgetting there's a child in the car. I can see how it could happen if it was a difference in routine or something though.

    I'm sorry to sound judgey. I'm having a bad night.
    They're not saying it's the same thing. They're pointing out that the brain, as an organ, doesn't select specific things to forget or not forget. Because it is capable of forgetting milk, it is also capable of forgetting a child. One is obviously more extreme, but everyone is capable of forgetting just about anything regardless of its importance.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  15. #40545
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    I think I have posted the Gene Weingarten article on forgetting one's child before. It was hard to read, but does show how easy it is to do so, especially if it not the norm.

  16. #40546

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    I think so Suja, was that by a dad who lost a child?

  17. #40547
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    They're not saying it's the same thing. They're pointing out that the brain, as an organ, doesn't select specific things to forget or not forget. Because it is capable of forgetting milk, it is also capable of forgetting a child. One is obviously more extreme, but everyone is capable of forgetting just about anything regardless of its importance.
    So true. I mean think about surgeons. Really smart people. Generally someone you trust enough with your life unless it's an emergency and even that you really hope to be able to trust them. But they are also human and that is why they have developed things like checklists and keeping count of instruments so that nothing gets left inside the patient by accident. Standardization, routines, checks and balances are done to try to prevent human error as much as we can.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  18. #40548
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    It's a right brain/left brain thing. If you've ever driven miles and suddenly realized how far you'd gone and have no recollection of getting there, you drove with your memory (which I think is right brain but now that part is fuzzy-but one side is 'active' in this scenario) and your brain was essentially on auto-pilot. That same scenario is what makes good parents forget they have children in the car. They're on autopilot.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  19. #40549
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I think so Suja, was that by a dad who lost a child?
    Gene is a comedy writer for the Washington Post. He chronicled the stories of a bunch of people that all lost their kids that way.

  20. #40550

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    i'm sorry Suja. I hope it is just allergies.

    I'm not doing a lot of reading because I don't want more bad stuff in my head. I'll come back when you all start talking about rainbows and butterflies again.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  21. #40551

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    I get that, Katy!

    Suja, I think it sucks that you're worrying about Pan right now. I'm really hoping it's just allergies. I'll stay positive for you for now.

    Chrissy, I'm sorry you did tell us before and I just forgot. I think in a hidden way, these near misses are blessings because they make us more careful. After B walked away from that awful fall unhurt, I became a little more superstitious. I didn't just decide to watch for wheels around stairs, which is probably the normal response. Instead my takeaway was that I have to try harder with *everything* because I do think I have been phoning it in as B's mom in a number of ways. Like I've been letting DH do much of the disciplining and letting things slide on my end where a correction would have been appropriate. Basically, I've been lax with the teachable moments. Probably makes no sense, but the accident had given me a push in that direction. I honestly think I have a little PTSD from the whole thing still.

    Bodhi's sleep has been terrible since we returned from Nicaragua! Fighting off his bugaboos (imaginary scary things) at bedtime. Waking and screaming every hour. DH and I have just been taking turns with the sleepless nights. It's my turn right now. :/ I wish I knew how to keep B asleep, if just so HE could have better nights. I might try chamomile on him.

  22. #40552

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    Are you comfortable using melatonin? I've heard great things. We tried it with Kai a while back but only for a short time since I couldn't find much research on it and I got nervous. But I've read on here that pedi's are suggesting it and I have seen Tapir post that she gives it to her child.

  23. #40553
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    I get that, Katy!

    Suja, I think it sucks that you're worrying about Pan right now. I'm really hoping it's just allergies. I'll stay positive for you for now.

    Chrissy, I'm sorry you did tell us before and I just forgot. I think in a hidden way, these near misses are blessings because they make us more careful. After B walked away from that awful fall unhurt, I became a little more superstitious. I didn't just decide to watch for wheels around stairs, which is probably the normal response. Instead my takeaway was that I have to try harder with *everything* because I do think I have been phoning it in as B's mom in a number of ways. Like I've been letting DH do much of the disciplining and letting things slide on my end where a correction would have been appropriate. Basically, I've been lax with the teachable moments. Probably makes no sense, but the accident had given me a push in that direction. I honestly think I have a little PTSD from the whole thing still.

    Bodhi's sleep has been terrible since we returned from Nicaragua! Fighting off his bugaboos (imaginary scary things) at bedtime. Waking and screaming every hour. DH and I have just been taking turns with the sleepless nights. It's my turn right now. :/ I wish I knew how to keep B asleep, if just so HE could have better nights. I might try chamomile on him.
    It's ok. I really don't expect everyone to rememeber every story I tell I'm sure I forget I've told a story and tell it again. I like the sound of my own voice. Or, the sight of my typed word. And it's just as likely I thought I told a story & got distracted and didn't.

    What you said about having slight PTSD makes sense to me. And I totally get it about letting teachable moments go and then feeling a twinge of guilt about that. I suspect, perhaps, that might be a mom's way. Typically, the dad's are more involved in the discipline.

    I'm sorry he's having such a hard time sleeping

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Are you comfortable using melatonin? I've heard great things. We tried it with Kai a while back but only for a short time since I couldn't find much research on it and I got nervous. But I've read on here that pedi's are suggesting it and I have seen Tapir post that she gives it to her child.
    We must be on the same wave-length because I seriously looked at my bottle and considered for 30 seconds giving Conner 1/2 a tablet. I read the bottle and when it said "not for children under 12" I put it back. He really didn't want to go to sleep at all. He told me he wasn't even sleepy a little. This was at 11:30 last night. I'm afraid the poor child has inherited my nocturnal tendencies.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  24. #40554
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    Jennifer thank you for the consumer reports. I lost electricity last night so I wasn't able to look, but I wanted to thank you before I forgot!

    No electricity + sick 2 year in your bed = WORST SLEEP EVER

    Suja I am really hoping for the best!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  25. #40555

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    Just checking in--I'm over an hour from where everything is going down in Watertown. I drove through Boston on the way home from visiting my dad and stepmom in New Hampshire yesterday. I went around Boston on the way up because Obama did that service there and I was afraid I would hit some heavy traffic on the way up but felt it would be okay on the way back. Other than hitting heavy traffic due to an accident it was fine. And I wanted to see my city.

  26. #40556

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    It's so **** scary and too close to home! My parents live in NH too, I grew up there
    AKA Lisa724

  27. #40557

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    Aw, what part? My dad and stepmom live in Portsmouth. It's so pretty there. We also go to my mom's family reunion up there every couple years in New Durham.

  28. #40558

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    About 15min north of Portsmouth in Rochester! New Durham is about 15-20 minutes away too. My mom still lives there (for now, moving closer to me soon) but my dad lives way up in northern NH. I grew up in Rochester though. Small world
    AKA Lisa724

  29. #40559
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    Have they got the 2nd guy yet?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  30. #40560
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    On a more pleasant note, Syd's having difficulties in her engagement already. Not that I'm happy she's on a verge of a broken heart, but she's 14. I know her relationship issues are very real and serious to her, but in my world they're easier to cope with. She's just learning about dating and relationships and part of the whole adolescent 'dating' experience is figuring all that out. So what's happened is, she's been 'engaged' (on Facebook, so it's wicked official ), but she's spent 3-4 days this week spending time with another boy after school. As friends. This boy was more interested in Syd than as just friends though, and he kissed her the other day. She left and refuses to hang out with him any more. He's threatening to tell her 'fiance' that she kissed him and that she's been cheating on him all these many days.

    I advised her to reach out to her 'fiance' first and explain what happened. And that if this engagement doesn't work out, this 'friend' probably isn't a good option since he's manipulative. They're serious discussions, and again it's not that I like seeing her frustrated or sad...but on one level it's neat to see the process of adolescent development at work.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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