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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #40381

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    Thank you, Katy! I really need to hear this. I feel like there is a rock in my stomach for ending the visit that way.

  2. #40382

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    I don't think you could ever be an asshole. You are defending your kids and she is the one being a jerk. Don't ever let her make you feel bad for doing the right thing. Your kids, your house, your rules, plain and simple.
    AKA Lisa724

  3. #40383
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    Quote Originally Posted by MashedUp View Post
    Is Christina's Ultrasound today?
    It is! Not til later this afternoon. I am getting off work a little early, hubs is meeting me here, and we'll be headed up there. I'll try to get on tonight and update you ladies No promises though, I feel like crap. Both Nolan and I woke up sick yesterday I even realized this morning I never submitted my paper that was due last night... Sigh... I can barely talk and my head feels like it is going to explode. Of course I can take like nothing... which is just awesome....

    B, seriously don't think I like your MIL. Ice water being bad for you??? How does that even make sense, its just... cold water?? Who in the world tells their grandchild that they are going to have a heart attack at any rate and the situation with the room, NOT cool. You are much more patient than I. She sounds like one of those 'its ok to treat kids in a way different from how you would want to be treated' people. If I ask to be left alone I expect to be heard and I don't think it is any different for a child, how ridiculous of her

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  4. #40384
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    Oh, for FFS! So ice in water gives you heart attack, but ice in soda, liquor, etc. doesn't? So, does eating ice cream or popsicles give a heart attack or no? Why isn't everyone in this entire country dead by now? What a load of bull doo-doo!

    Bridget, I would've been SO tempted to say something along the lines of 'He's only 5. What's your excuse?'. It really does sound like she was trying to antagonize him. Does she act like she otherwise favors the other two kids? I'm just wondering if there is something in their dynamic that leads to these situations.

    Christina, good luck on the u/s. Everything will be okay.

  5. #40385
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    OMG I love that you and Kai looked it up and saw that drinking ice water isn't going to give you a heart attack. That is just plain crazy and even crazier that someone would tell that to a five year. Five year olds shouldn't be thinking about a freaking heart attack.

    I am glad that DBF is on your side this time. I mean it is HARD to have guests. It's hard on everyone and it's a relief often when they leave. But why would she insist on being in the room with him when it's clear that loud children bother her? It would make sense if she would have just left him alone until he was calm and played with one of the other kids or watched TV or something.

    I'm another in the camp of your house, your rules. I just cannot imagine a guest coming into my house and trying to say tell Cosmo she cannot be on the couch. I did have to get on guests about not giving the dogs table scraps....they do get some but I limit it so they don't get sick. I also did have to tell MIL that she cannot be spraying perfume in my house. I felt kinda mean about it but my bathroom smelled like that icky perfume a week later.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  6. #40386

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    Quote Originally Posted by AmeriBrit View Post
    Would you ladies who have read the 'spirited child' book recommend it for a teacher? I wonder if it's something I should put on my reading list because I'm sure I'll have some little firecrackers when I get my own classroom before too long.
    I bought an audio copy on iTunes. Lemme know if you want, girlfriend.

    (SCUBJIA)

  7. #40387

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    B, ugh. Thank goodness your MIL is gone! That woman sounds like a nightmare. And given all that you put up with, I think you really showed some reserve. I'm proud that you spoke up when you did.

    I just wish I lived down the road so I could bring you some pureed soup. I'd promise not to put any liver in it, if I did.

    L, Soren's hair is adorable. I love it when they're shorn that close to the scalp. He looks like a baby all over again.

    Chrissy, it sounds like moving in with your mom wouldn't be a bad deal. How far is she from your work? How would it work with your kids coming to visit?

    Xtina, good luck today with your u/s. I hope you find a good strong HB, mama!

  8. #40388
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    Bridget, you couldn't be an asshole if you tried. I agree with the others, you are a saint for pulling that visit off as well as you did. She was being rude to your son, who is only 5. I don't know why people think children don't deserve the same respect (as in space when they're upset) we'd give adults. Whatever needs to be talked about can be done when everyone is feeling calmer. You did well, and I'd expect her to apologize to Kai. But that's just me.

    Good luck on the ultrasound today Christina! KUP!

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Chrissy, it sounds like moving in with your mom wouldn't be a bad deal. How far is she from your work? How would it work with your kids coming to visit?
    She lives just a few miles up the road from Rich, so "my" house. I'd still get the bus in the same location I do now. She is currently in a 3 bedroom trailer by herself. My brother moved her in there, and then almost immediately left to live with some chick. Mom has to do something because she gets HUD and can't have a 3 bedroom by herself. She can't afford it by herself either. Her SSD is less than $700/month. :/

    She called HUD and talked with Renee. She's worked with her for years and I have dealt with her as well in the past on behalf of some of the mental health clinic's clients. That's the beauty of a small community-you really get to know the workers in various programs and whether they're competent or not. Renee is top of the top. She informed Mom that I could stay there up to 6 months, paying the rent, and Mom would get her HUD again as soon as I moved out. What I'm not clear on is Mom indicated if I stayed over that (like for a year), Mom would lose her HUD forever. I don't think Mom thought to ask Renee if she could re-apply. Mom's under the impression she'd lose HUD for her entire life. I cannot see how that is possible. What if I bought a house and had my mom move in, but I died? She'd never, ever be eligible for HUD? It's a really scary thing if that's the case. I'm going to have Mom call Renee one more time. I think she should be able to reapply. She could get social services to pay her rent while she's on the waiting list for HUD. I think.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  9. #40389
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    L, I love Soren's short hair! What a doll!

    Christina, let us know how the u/s goes!

    Myles, I'd love a copy...can you share stuff on iTunes? I am not down with the kids when it comes to the technology!

    Chrissy, I hope you get something sorted with the housing. They've introduced something over here called "a bedroom tax" where they are charging people if they have more bedrooms than people living in the house. Everyone is complaining about it. The conservatives are really butchering the welfare.system over here and it is the poor who are suffering the most. But the queen is getting a 6 million pound pay raise and we're paying the bill (10 million) for Thatcher's funeral. That's the way of the world though, right?

  10. #40390
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    Quote Originally Posted by AmeriBrit View Post
    L, I love Soren's short hair! What a doll!

    Christina, let us know how the u/s goes!

    Myles, I'd love a copy...can you share stuff on iTunes? I am not down with the kids when it comes to the technology!

    Chrissy, I hope you get something sorted with the housing. They've introduced something over here called "a bedroom tax" where they are charging people if they have more bedrooms than people living in the house. Everyone is complaining about it. The conservatives are really butchering the welfare.system over here and it is the poor who are suffering the most. But the queen is getting a 6 million pound pay raise and we're paying the bill (10 million) for Thatcher's funeral. That's the way of the world though, right?
    Oh good god! wtf?! England, you disappoint me. I expected better of you.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  11. #40391

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    Oh, Suja, that is why Americans are fat, according to her, because they put ice in everything. Mmmkay. She does seem to favor Savana but Savana is the easiest child so that makes sense. Kai can truly be difficult. He is argumentative and sassy. But he is also incredibly sensitive and smart. I think she likes to look down her nose that I do not rule with an iron fist the way she did/does but for eff's sake, she needs to look at the uninvolvment of her son in the raising of his kids! I think Kai truly suffers from that.

    It was just neverending, to be honest. Last time she was here she had a fit that I let the kids eat potato peels because they are "disgusting and dirty". So this time she said she was going to make au gratin potato so I went ahead and peeled them for her. She came in and said, "Why did you do that? The peel is where all the vitamins are?"
    I explained to her that the last time she was here she said we should never eat the peel so I thought I was doing the right thing. She said she talked to some really smart friends who changed her mind. I guess I am not smart enough because I told her the same thing. She also told me kids they should never put honey in their tea (after they told her that I put honey in their tea). Frowned and nitpicked that I let Sawyer walk around and eat, kept encouraging the kids to eat after they told me they were full and I excused them from the table.
    One night, Sawyer was eating seaweed snacks, his fave, and she asked if she could have one. He said no. She took one anyway. He yelled at her. She told him he must share. Took another. Took another. All the time telling he has to share. Again, it's like she's antagonizing them! So finally I said, "This isn't the best time to teach sharing." and she said, "Oh you are right. It's too late in the day." And I said, "No, the best time to teach sharing is, like, five." And she said, "O'clock?" and I said no, years and she was totally appalled. Not to mention that I'm 38 and I freaking hate it when someone besides my kids takes my food. She asked. He said no!

    She for sure does not think that kids deserve the same respect as adults. The kids and I had a discussion today about how adults are not always right. It stemmed from them telling me she said no honey in their tea and why did she say that when I say honey is good for you. I told them that since I am their mom, I get to make those decisions but that if they ever come across information that leads them to believe honey is not good, or anything else that they have learned from me is not right, they should let me know and we do research. And that when they grow up they will probably not do things just like I do. That is the joy of being an adult is that you get to decide. I encouraged them to question any information they receive from me or anyone else and that I will always help them find answers. I thought that was better than saying, "Your gma is WRONG!" lol

    The thing that gets to me the most about her questioning everything is that we are happy! The kids and I are so content doing things the way we do them. Why change what works? I have never had anyone say a negative word about my kids-outside of her and dbf.

  12. #40392
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    The thing that gets to me the most about her questioning everything is that we are happy! The kids and I are so content doing things the way we do them. Why change what works? I have never had anyone say a negative word about my kids-outside of her and dbf.
    How do you not point that out all.the.time?!

    Ice is making us fat? Oh lordie.

    I really don't know how you don't resort to being a screaming lunatic when she's around. I think I'd be tempted to swat her one.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  13. #40393
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    Yeah, zero calorie ice makes us fat. How do you not laugh at that?

    Next time she comes, you take the kids and move to that hotel. It's gotta be better than this load of crap.

  14. #40394

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    It ain't easy, man. I don't know what I'd do without you guys to vent to. I really don't like to vent too much to dbf because it's his mom and that can't be easy for him. He just ignores her. I didn't come vent while she was here because she used my computer every day and I was paranoid about leaving a window open on accident or something.

    I just keep trying to look at her as a little old lady who doesn't know any better. And the kids truly love her so that is the most important thing. RIGHT/??

  15. #40395

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    Suja, I had to laugh at that. And I also said, "Kai and I researched and we found no reliable information stating that was true." and she was like, "Well it is."

    She also once told me to let Savana cry it out and don't comfort her right away because that is how babies excersize their cardiovascular system.
    And that I shouldn't put spinach in my smoothie every morning because...???? something strange I cannot remember.

  16. #40396
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    It ain't easy, man. I don't know what I'd do without you guys to vent to. I really don't like to vent too much to dbf because it's his mom and that can't be easy for him. He just ignores her. I didn't come vent while she was here because she used my computer every day and I was paranoid about leaving a window open on accident or something.

    I just keep trying to look at her as a little old lady who doesn't know any better. And the kids truly love her so that is the most important thing. RIGHT/??
    Yes. As nuts as she is, that really IS the most important thing. They'll adore her, but not subscribe to all her craziness. I know that was the case with me and my paternal grandmother. She wasn't nuts as in ice making a person fat, but she had definite preference among her grandkids. I can't ever remember it hurting me, except when I overhead my father on the phone telling her quite forcefully that his kids were just as important as his sister's. It only hurt me because I could tell it hurt my dad.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Suja, I had to laugh at that. And I also said, "Kai and I researched and we found no reliable information stating that was true." and she was like, "Well it is."

    She also once told me to let Savana cry it out and don't comfort her right away because that is how babies excersize their cardiovascular system.
    And that I shouldn't put spinach in my smoothie every morning because...???? something strange I cannot remember.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  17. #40397
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    I've always known that spinach (along with broccoli and other green things) is eeevil.

    My great grandmother used to believe in all kinds of nonsense. Something about certain foods being hot and shouldn't be eaten in summer, others being cold and shouldn't be eaten during the monsoons, and certain foods that shouldn't be eaten together for various reasons. But, she was born in the 1890s.

  18. #40398
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    It's amazing to think about how far we've come as a human race when you just think about our beliefs regarding food. It's equally amazing how many people still believe some of that stuff.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  19. #40399
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    OMG B. I mean that is the kind of stuff one thinks in their head and than goes home to their little old lady friends and is complains about how the DIL does this wrong and that wrong and is crazy. Normal people don't say that all out loud! Maybe 1-2 things but not all it.
    Gah, at least there I'm lucky in that people don't generally argue with me about things like that. They know I know how to research and will send them all sorts of links and articles. LOL

    Mine actually tried to tell me once that second hand smoke wasn't all that bad. I only sent a few things that time because I didn't want her to feel too guilty that she affected DH's health that much. But really she did. And I know she thinks I'm a PITA and overboard on food safety. "oh we always did it like this and nobody died". Well yeah maybe not but I know that you all had a lot more "bathroom issues". At least MIL has the good sense to not tell me how to run my house.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  20. #40400
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    My MIL thinks it's ok to leave a pizza sit out over and snack on it the next morning. I'm pretty hardcore about hot foods kept hot, cold foods kept cold, 2 hours out if weather is normal but if it's hot, you have much less than two hours.

    Just two weeks ago she had a stomach bug and after not eating for a few days decided to drink a big glass of milk....and that causes issues normally. I kept telling her BRAT diet. She drinks a glass of V8 fruit fusion.

    I do love her but she has some ideas that drive me crazy.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  21. #40401

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    Bridget, you poor thing. You really are amazing to handle all of that with such aplomb. I'm glad she's gone and you can relax. And you did nothing wrong. Poor Kai and Sawyer. I love how you handled the ice water thing with "let's look it up." That was my favorite response to dd1 about everything -- saved my butt from arguments a whole bunch of times.

    As far as old people believing weird stuff -- when I was pregnant with dd1, my ex's grandma was very outspoken and always giving me wacky advice. When she found out I was going to breastfeed, she told me it was "nasty" and "bad for the baby." I asked if she thought formula was better, and she said no - I should feed the baby Eagle brand condensed milk! She said that's what she was reared on and it worked great for her. Well, the lady did live to an amazing 97 years old, so maybe I should have listened to her. But can you imagine feeding a baby condensed milk????? That stuff is like frosting!
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  22. #40402
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    Bridget, Mizzle to the Izzle to the Lizzle! Your MIL stories just freaked me out so much that I just Snoop Dogged for a second. It takes a lot to do that to me. Fa'shizzle.

    I have had to talk to my kids about grown-ups not being right all the time, too. And especially my dad, that they should pay attention and follow the rules, especially safety rules as they know them, and not disregard them just because he is doing something or says something is okay. I point out that my dad may not be familiar with a lot of the safety rules, or doesn't pay attention to things like signs saying "Keep Out of Water - Dangerous Bacteria Content" as he wades in, and they should do what they know is right or check with me or their Dad. Meanwhile, we don't ever leave them alone with him.


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    If I had to choose between formula, breastmilk, and condensed milk, I know which one I'd be drinking!

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    The ultrasound tech had no better luck getting a heartbeat than the midwife did, but at least this time we could see why. Apparently this child enjoys doing flips. For twenty minutes the poor tech was trying so hard and the baby would stop (to suck on thumb, etc) for like 2 seconds, than back to flips again Everything looks perfect though and he/she is quite an active little booger
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  25. #40405

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    Awwwwww. Xtina, I'm so glad you got to see your little swimmer. Yeah, if s/he's flipping around like that, s/he's got a heartbeat.

  26. #40406

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    Hooray!!!
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  27. #40407
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    That's wonderful!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  28. #40408

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    That is just the best news!!!

  29. #40409
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    Awww Christina...what a great picture! Stinks not hearing a heartbeat but it must be a huge relief to see so much movement going on in there!


    Suja....broccoli is awesome! One of my favorites, certainly my favorite green one.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  30. #40410

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    Christina that is great news!! yay for your little gymnast! When are you due?

    Bridget, your mil stories make me cringe, and also make me think that we have the same exact mil. *shudder* Mine definitely thinks children are second class citizens. I still fume when I think about her selfishly waking my 18 month old child, who was jet-lagged after traveling over 18+, just so *she* could eat. So selfish. So glad your mil's visit is over.

    And I too have told G that adults make mistakes and adults don't know everything. When he was having the problems at his school, I reminded him that yes even adults have to follow rules. Oh and we have since moved G to a new school and it's a much better fit! *knock on wood*

    Chrissy, good luck on moving in with your mother. It seems like the best deal for you. Is she in the same town? Will Bobbie move in too?

    Our camping trip was so much fun! DH found this place in central Florida that has natural springs. It was so beautiful and about 20 degrees cooler than here. We rented inner tubes and jumped into the cool water and floated down the springs. It was actually hard to get into place, I am sure people were having fun watching us decide how best to enter the water! ha! It had this rock ledge that lead off to the water, so in my first attempt I plopped down near the edge, and asked dh to push me off into the water. *kerplunk* dang that first hit of water was cold. Then G jumped in with his life vest in-meanwhile squealing with delight and little bit apprehension "oh it's soooo cold, ohhh" After our first fun, we laid in the grass and dried off, while our social butterfly son made friends. But not friends his own age, they were a group of five 30 somethings. G was wearing his Lightning McQueen swim trunks, so when we went down the springs on the 2nd run, G started yelling "my friends".... they all turned and yelled "Lightning McQueen!" as we floated by he chatted with them all and they told us "you got a great kid there, he came up to us and started talking...so what are we going to talk about??" LOL!!! I swear he is going to be an actor or something. Help us.

    L, I think S looks adorable. Gotta love a buzz cut!
    Shelley-mom to DS, 6

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