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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #40231
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    I only ask about sleep with people I know really well. If the baby is sleeping well, the response is 'That's wonderful!'. If not, assurances that it won't be that way forever. That's pretty much it. I do not give advice on parenting unless asked.

  2. #40232

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    I don't ask, but if people offer up the information and they say their baby is not sleeping well, I might mention the no cry sleep solution books and move on. If they say their baby is sleeping well, I will say "that's great!" and tell a couple horror stories about Josh's sleep patterns. Just to keep them on their toes. ;)

    Myles, I have that issue too! Lately I've even been asking him to repeat what I say. He'll repeat it correctly and then go do something different from what I said!

    What I especially love is when he throws my words back at me. He was saying something to me and I didn't understand him so I said "What?" He said "I am not going to repeat myself again!"

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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    What I especially love is when he throws my words back at me. He was saying something to me and I didn't understand him so I said "What?" He said "I am not going to repeat myself again!"
    I'll have to admit - that made me laugh

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  4. #40234

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    Yeah it makes me laugh now too. Not so much while it was happening. LOL

  5. #40235
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    Oh L. My heart ached for you reading that post.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  6. #40236
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    L, I hope that you get some help. Sending big hugs your way.

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    Kate, I was going to suggest asking Josh, "Is it a big problem or a little problem?" That's actually one of the strategies recommended by the same clinic that publishes the book I recommended to Bridget that she is enjoying. Just like Suja said, having him learn to identify the difference will help him regulate his emotions on his own. And it comes across so much more neutral as a question. Instead of you telling him that's not a big deal, you are asking him to tell you.

    Seriously, folks. SO much comes down to kids having access to communicate their feelings. Kids and spouses. And employees. Pretty much sums it all up.

    And I agree, start with the dog ... It's faster!

    Bridget, that sucks about your MIL.

    Rachael, so sorry people are being so judgy. Take care of yourself. You have been through a lot and please make sure you are doing okay.

    For me, the good thing about today was that I got to see so many of my coworkers defend me and praise me to the skies. We don't always see us as others see us. It was nice to hear them come to my defense. Won't make a bit of difference, but nice all the same.

    According to G, the administrator in question doesn't like our department. Eliminating us completely was apparently a serious option on the table. I suspect getting rid of me is in a sense a compromise for her, despite the fact that my position will not be cut. As long as 14 years ago, this particular admin was reported to have said that we give "Cadillac services." That's right, folks, we are TOO GOOD. And that can't be allowed to continue.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 04-09-2013 at 05:44 PM.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  8. #40238
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    Competence must be punished. That makes sense.

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    I am just stunned. And appalled, Mandy! How can they be so ignorant? No wonder our education system suffers the way it does. Makes me want to scream and throw things.

  10. #40240
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    If I didn't already believe our education system was broken, this seals the deal for me. Truly.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  11. #40241

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    Good idea Mandy, thanks

    I'm so sorry about the things going on at your work.

  12. #40242
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    Add to the list of things I never thought I would say to my dog: "Please stop licking my butt."

    Yup. Said it.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  13. #40243

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    Okay, what is the story behind that one?

  14. #40244
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    Well...he started licking my butt. And it was disturbing. Very disturbing.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  15. #40245
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    Oh Mandy....that is just insane. The sad thing is that in some places, the system is still pretty decent....course that tends to be the places that need it the least.

    Oh I have said many a funny things to Molly. Get out of my underwear ..because of course it's a fun game to get tangled up when mom is going potty. That goes along with Don't lick my underwear. Or Molly stop humping your sister's head.
    Daily I tell her get your head out of the garbage....because of course we must stick our head in the bathroom garbage....not take anything out though. Get out of the dishwasher....dirty dishes are irresistible. You know I'm seeing a pattern that most of her "issues" involve her beagle nose. LOL I cannot complain too much because she makes us laugh and for only being 1.5 is awfully chill and laid back most of the time. She went from trying to bite me all the time to being a snuggle bunny.

    L....I have been thinking about you all day today.

    B, think of anything to do with your MIL? Having company is rough. I think once we no longer have a guest room, we will probably put guest in our bed if it is my parents. Dh likes his futon anyway and I plan to have a twin bed in the nursery. If it's my sister and her gf, they can take the futon or maybe we will do like my parents since I prefer to sleep alone anyway. DH's mom alone is no biggie as she actually likes the couch. And our guests usually don't stay more than a long weekend....though we tend to have company 5-7 times a year. I expect that might increase with a baby to see.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  16. #40246
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Oh Mandy....that is just insane. The sad thing is that in some places, the system is still pretty decent....course that tends to be the places that need it the least. .
    I have seen research published to that effect ... So many kids who start life with a huge advantage DO have Cadillac services available to them. As well as continuous 1-1 child care with mom, family member, or sitter, good food, good medical care, lots of reading and good experiences in the home. The truth is, these kids will do fine with a mediocre education system. Just fine. Bit those are the kids whose parents insist on the best.

    The kids whose families aren't in a position to insist on a quality education don't have as many of those other advantages, either. And they need it more. Just sad.

    ETA: it's definitely the Beagle nose!
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  17. #40247

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    Yeah, we can totally handle a few nights. The thing is for her it's not just a place to sleep. She NEEEEEDS a quiet space. And I am selfishly dreading the job of keeping the kids in check for the next 5 days since she will have nowhere to go to escape them. For example, she has a very difficult time getting a good night's sleep so often isn't able to get up until late morning. I think it was 6:15 this morning that Sawyer was screaming about how cold the wipe I was using (out of the wipe warmer, mind you) and there is no way she'd sleep throught that, or be able to fall back asleep after. Not to mention the 3 kids that get dropped of a 7am. Two of them catch the school bus at 8 but there is just no way I can keep 6 kids quiet for an hour.
    I mean, when we are all in the kitchen, if (just my kids) start talking all at once, she will stand at the stove and plug her ears. She will walk out the front door if it gets too loud and come back later saying she is sorry but she just cannot take the noise. If she can't, she can't but oy I am stressed out that she won't even be able to enjoy herself after tonight, the last night next door. Worst part of it all is that it's supposed to be 39 and rain/snow for the rest of the week.

    SOB.
    Last edited by Bridget; 04-09-2013 at 08:55 PM.

  18. #40248

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    I have seen research published to that effect ... So many kids who start life with a huge advantage DO have Cadillac services available to them. As well as continuous 1-1 child care with mom, family member, or sitter, good food, good medical care, lots of reading and good experiences in the home. The truth is, these kids will do fine with a mediocre education system. Just fine. Bit those are the kids whose parents insist on the best.

    The kids whose families aren't in a position to insist on a quality education don't have as many of those other advantages, either. And they need it more. Just sad.

    ETA: it's definitely the Beagle nose!
    So true and sad and will be devastating to our nation when all of these kids are grown ups, I do believe. Didn't Chicago just close down a large number of schools, all in low income neighborhoods?

  19. #40249
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    Our district is closing 11 schools this year. 11. That's 20 closed schools in the time I have worked there.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Oh Mandy what a mess! Simply unbelievable.

    And B I'm so sorry your mil's visit is turning into such a nightmare. I'm still holding out hope that things will be surprisingly fun for all of you somehow.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  21. #40251
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    Hi everyone,

    I'm doing better today. DH took the day off work. I've been awake since about 2:30 AM, but I got to lounge around in bed for part of the morning, and he took the kids to school and dropped S. off at my mom's house. DH stayed home. When I was left to my own devices, I took a shower without kids (!!!!) and shaved my legs, but then I cleaned the shower and the toilet and the bathroom and got the cobwebs off the ceilings and then dusted the baseboards in the bedroom and started a load of laundry and dishes. DH had me sit down on the couch and watch a couple of shows with him (Nurse Jackie), which were funny and sad at the same time, but made me feel a bit better about my own life.

    And then I sat down at the computer and started to try to pay bills and research swimming lessons and work on my blog again, and I couldn't focus even enough to make a decision about who should pick up the kids from school and my moms when he asked, and he pulled me away from doing chores and had me watch some more tv shows and try to enjoy myself instead of doing work. In the end, I didn't do much of anything except the cleaning and a couple of loads of laundry and dishes and a bit of mending, and I watched a bunch of tv, and I felt so relaxed at the end of the day that I really felt almost happy again. I got weepy off and on, but it wasn't the nonstop crying that had been happening over the weekend.

    I did talk to my doctor. It was the OB who had prescribed the antidepressants when I had PPD after S. was born. He said he had tried to talk to my primary care doctor about having her prescribe the meds, since it wasn't something that was generally within his scope of practice, but she refused. He wanted to see if I had any ideas about where to go from here. I asked him if he could send a message to my neurologist who sees me for my headaches and recurring meningitis, since I see him more often, and since this is not the first time my primary care doctor has refused to treat me, I was going to switch doctors. And I did. Last night when I was talking to DH about this, I said maybe I should just not do anything about it and see if I could get better on my own. But I could barely get the words out and was choking on my own tears. He said I should start the antidepressants, even if I'm feeling better today, but we need to figure out a way to get some free time for me when I don't feel obligated to do everything.

    It is so hard going from being uber-competent all of the time to being unable to make a decision about who is going to pick the kids up from school. And it is also amazing to me at how just one day of being forced to relax (despite being awake since 2:30 AM) has made such a huge difference in my mood. Every time I got up to go do something, DH would say, "Do they really need to start taking swimming lessons tomorrow?" "Is that bill going to be overdue if it's not paid today?" and he would pat the couch next to him and make me a nest of pillows and we started watching another new show (Hell on Wheels) that was really good and it just was so nice to not think about all the things that needed to be done. Even in the afternoon, the school called me and told me that Claire had a head injury and might need to be picked up, and I talked to her and she had an ice pack on her head and she said she wanted to stay in school and she was feeling better, and we were all just cool.

    Thanks for thinking of me.


  22. #40252

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    Mandy, that is really strange about what is going on at your job. I hope however it turns out that you will like whatever position you decide to take there. Very strange though that someone has a personal vendetta against a whole department because you all are probably better than her. People are really weird.

    On babies STTN, I also think people asking about it is them being nosey nosertons. I cannot remember a time when I asked anyone about that. People did ask me how both my babies slept, especially with Elle as I had more mommy friends when she was a baby but mostly that was after they were speaking of their own babies' horrible sleeping habits and I would just try to tell them it would get better and some babies sleep more than others and that whatever they were lamenting about was more than likely normal behavior but then I'd sometimes feel a little bad because when they asked about Elle, I really didn't have the experience of dealing with a baby who wouldn't sleep. She slept a good 7-8 hours by 2 months old, as did Ky and both were BFd, this question would always come up as Atlanta is a big BF town now and people like to look down on those whose babies STTN due to formula LOL. But I told them no, that she was BFd and so they could use her as proof that BF doesn't equal baby who doesn't STTN like a lot of people think.

    And I agree with the previous conversation regarding tantrumy, sensitive kids, that it does get better around 6 or 7. Ky was very tantrum prone. I will admit he is still very serious and sensitive. I, being a blunt person, sometimes do have to think about what I say to him really carefully before I say it as his feelings are hurt easily and his eyes will still well up with tears, something that DH hates especially now that Ky is like 5'2" and 11 years old. He thinks he is being a "crybaby" and will mention it to him sometimes, which will make Ky look like he is crying some more. He actually doesn't fully cry, just the tears will well up and he will look really heartbroken. But he doesn't scream and act a fool anymore like he used to so I can deal with teary eyes no problem and have been trying to get DH to stop thinking it is such a big deal. And if it helps, I am VERY laid back as well and not much bothers me. I don't say offhanded comments about Ky's hurt feelings but I will tell him in a nice way, especially when he is getting cry-y about something that he doesn't want to do, that he needs to deal with it and get over it and he can cry later. Sounds mean, but I do say it in a nice way if you can believe it. And he really is pretty overboard with his sad faces. He does it the most when I check his homework and tell him that he missed some questions or something wasn't as neat as he could make it and to do it over again, or fix a math problem or whatever and he will look like I destroyed his whole world. My aunt cracks me up because she really believed that I was saying something to him other than "fix the math problem" because he looked so heartbroken and "real tears" fall down his face, mostly if I tell him to re-write a paragraph that he didn't do very well. So in more ways than one, kids will retain their personalities IMO and just learn to deal with the world better and not let stuff get to them so much eventually.

    Erin

  23. #40253
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    Honestly if she cannot handle it, she needs to get herself a hotel room even if it's a crummy only in town hotel room. Otherwise, when you stay at someone else's house, you just deal.

    Yeah that beagle nose is something else. Even right now she is just walking around nose to the ground. I mean it's inside the house....our smells shouldn't change that much since we don't wear shoes in the house. And now she is back in the bathroom, probably sniffing the garbage. I have kind of given up on that one since she only brought stuff out from it twice and that was last year. I mean *I* don't think that the garbage smells cool or smells at all but I guess it's cool to her! LOL The worst was the first few weeks home when we were potty training...the walking nose to the ground nearly drove me crazy because I couldn't tell if she had to potty and thought she always had to potty.

    I think Chicago was closing something like 50-60 schools. My understanding is that they were very low attendance schools and were combining some of them to save money and offer more at the ones they were keeping open.
    I haven't really looked into the schools that much but I think that my city has fairly decent ones. Enough that I plan on sending little dude to public schools and if I find issues as we go along, Dh and I are more than capable of filling in the blanks. Now when we lived in Milwaukee....totally different story. We had talked about homeschooling or if we bought a house to at least get into one of the suburbs. No way would I send my kid to those schools. They weren't great when DH went through them and that was more 20-30 years ago.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  24. #40254
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    I have asked people before if the baby is STTN. Not having one yet, it's just being curious and generally people like to talk about their babies (I'm like that with my dogs....quiet until you ask me something about the dogs and I turn into a blabbermouth). And sleeping is more interesting that the babies diaper habits.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  25. #40255

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    I think you are right, Jennifer, that many schools were only half full but they are only closing down in the low income areas. I heard the story on npr and people were calling in to say that in many of those neighborhoods, the school was the heart of the movements for improvements. Now, these families considered "lower" in socio-economic status are going to be bussed into the higher ses neighborhoods where they will be the outsiders, the kids from the other neighborhood. It's not conducive to proper education or socialization.

    Erin, your story about Ky! What a little sensitive heart he has! But I think you are right in that in certain situations they must learn to "suck it up" for lack of better word. I've been being a bit of a hard ass about that since my kids are older. Sometimes things aren't going to go the way we want. Go ahead, be sad, get it out of your system and move on. And like you said, nice about it, but c'mon man!

    I have noticed my kai lately it's like he's throwing fake tantrums. I think we've seen too much theater lately! Lol. Today at dinner he asked me for a second piece of bread (I've been letting him try eating gluten again because he basically stopped eating because hates gf stuff) and I said no because we really have to limit it and he was like, FALL out but crying totally fake and throwing himself against the wall saying, "CURSE GLUTEN" and "OHHHH, the HORROR of only one piece of bread!!!"
    I said, "Kai, you are not acting in a play right now." That made him laugh so hard. It really hit me that he's probably faking half the time because he is so darn dramatic, it's just nuts. We were playing that game today where you think of a number 1-20 and we guess it while you answer higher or lower. So Kai would have his number and Savana would guess 7.
    "NEVAHHHHHH!", he would yell.
    And we're like, "Higher or lower, Kai?" and he would say, "So, so, so, so, so, SO much higher."
    And it would be 8.
    Last edited by Bridget; 04-09-2013 at 09:23 PM.

  26. #40256

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    Big hugs, Lydia. I hope you can get to a place where you feel more balanced. It sounds like you are doing so much all the time on no sleep and finally all systems gave out and forced you to take a break. Is there anything in your budget for sitter to come once a week or once every two weeks to take the kids to the park or just SOMETHING so you have some time to be still and quiet? I worry about you. I'm appalled that your doctor refused to prescribe anti-depressants. I hope you can find someone who will help.

    Mandy - big hugs to you too. What a drag all around. I'm sorry

    Bridget - your neighbor is a selfish witch. Is she the same one who used to come over and demand help at the most inopportune moments? What a terrible thing to do. I don't think I would put up with any butt-kissing when she comes back. Tell her that it inconvenienced everyone terribly and ruined the visit.

    As for tantrums, I am skimming those because I don't want to think about it! JoJo has been driving me bonkers with her 0-60 crying like a baby over incredibly silly things. Sick of it.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  27. #40257
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    Bridget, that child was born for the stage. I hope you get him some acting lessons. Or a guitar, or something. Seriously.

    (Yes, I'm still reading my Pete Townshend book. He was also born to be on the stage. For different reasons).

    Erin, poor Ky!

    L, I am so glad your DH just took the day to be with you and encourage you to be in the moment. I think it was just what you needed. How sweet of him. Now listen to what he is telling you.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  28. #40258

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    Kai is a hoot lol!!! I would probably egg him on, I am also very dramatic. My Ky sometimes even takes my dramatics seriously when I am being obviously, overtly dramatic. He is WAY too serious for his age IMO. But I do think it is a good thing in a lot of ways. Elle is much more like Kai. She is really good at making a scene and being the center of attention. I remember a drama teacher in college, when I was helping one of his actors with a scene, telling me that I should have been in his theater troupe because I am "prone to dramatics" lol. DH agreed and most people in my family are. Both DH and Ky are way to serious for my tastes a lot. I am glad I have a silly partner in Elle.

    Speaking of her she cracked me up this weekend because I got another letter from the zoo asking me to renew my zoo membership. Elle saw the letter and said "Mommy, the zoo is sending you more notices that you need to renew your zoo license." Then she sighed "Oh Mommy, I REALLY want to go to the zoo, PLEASE renew your zoo license so we can experience gorillas." All of this done with her head on her head and moving around like she is in some sort of cheesy old black and white movie. She ended up with her hands clasped together on her chest and so I went ahead and renewed my "zoo license" lol and took her to the zoo on Saturday. She is cracks me up all the time.

    And Mandy, I know you are being nice for my sweet Ky but he really does not have it bad. You are reminding me of my aunt, she was just feeling so sorry for him for about 2months then she realized that he is just working himself up over things that really aren't that big of a deal. Sometimes I do think I am not being sensitive enough to his needs, but then again, I know that he doesn't cry whenever his teachers ask him to do something and he never goes through this sensitivity at school. I figure he is just more comfortable with us so can let loose the waterworks with me, but it is only selective heartbreak dealing with chores or homework. The only way it would stop completely is if I let him watch Netflix movies, play with the robot, or be on the computer all day and that is not going to happen. I also think he is just coming into adolescence. I bemoan what I call his "teenagery-isms."

    Erin
    Last edited by Ky'sMom; 04-09-2013 at 10:02 PM.

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    Oh, Erin, I am just sympathizing as I am prone to taking myself too seriously as well. I think you are the perfect mama for him. He needs just the right combination of love and suck-it-uppedness (for lack of a better word) and you definitely deliver.

    My sister and brother still do not let me forget the time when I was maybe 7 years old and came to them, teary-eyed, insisting that I didn't know how to make toast so I could get them to do it for me. They just say that one line and then dissolve into hysterical laughter. I'm pretty much stuck laughing, too. It still isn't funny to me, though! I really wanted help!
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    Big hugs, Lydia. I hope you can get to a place where you feel more balanced. It sounds like you are doing so much all the time on no sleep and finally all systems gave out and forced you to take a break. Is there anything in your budget for sitter to come once a week or once every two weeks to take the kids to the park or just SOMETHING so you have some time to be still and quiet? I worry about you. I'm appalled that your doctor refused to prescribe anti-depressants. I hope you can find someone who will help.
    Oh, I kind of left that in mid-thought. My OB prescribed them after all, for this one time, after I asked him to contact my neurologist for future refills who might be more amenable than my primary care doctor. So I can pick them up tomorrow. But that really gave me the impetus to change my primary care MD. I have not had any good experiences with her, but I never saw her enough to work up the will to change doctors. I have so many good specialists I see. When I was so sick between the twins and S. and I was off work for an entire summer, she wouldn't sign the form that started the disability from when I was off work, saying I talked to her and had lab tests and all that. She refused. She said that since I ended up seeing a specialist for that, I would need to see that doctor for the form, but she was the first doctor who saw me and the specialist was out of town. I was waiting in the office and she wouldn't see me. The office manager apologized to me. I should have switched a long time ago, but I just never get 'normal' sick and I have my really good specialists that I love.

    Oh, and that's probably the reason I have had a sinus infection for 3 months and haven't gone to the doctor. I have not wanted to deal with her.
    Last edited by 3andMe; 04-09-2013 at 10:26 PM.


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