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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #40171

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    Erin, I cannot stand half assed jobs either. I suppose that is why dbf doesn't do anything around the house anymore. He does just like your nephews and will load the dishwasher (including things that I always tell him cannot go in the dishwasher) but not wipe the counters or sweep the floor. It's like don't even bother because now not only do I still have to clean, I'm pissed off too! lol

    Chrissy, NO! Syd is still a baby! Ugh. Yeah, how did she meet him?

    The weather hair is rain until wed and then SNOW thursday and friday. WHAT am i going to do with mil??? I hate us all being cooped up inside. Things are better since we chatted about Kai, and I just explained to her that he really has certain ways he likes to do things and that I try to be sensitive to him since he's the middle child and the wildest one that we too often get caught up scolding him all day and so when it's something harmless like wearing a dirty shirt (drives her MAD) or drawing during stories, I like to give him those freedoms. She was very receptive. Now she just needs to stop making my bed. For realz. Stay out of my bedroom!

  2. #40172

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    Also it's been helpful that she started a fire in our oven the other night cooking a potato dish and the entire house was filled with black smoke and I just smiled calmly and said not to worry about it as we opened all the windows. I think she was amazed that I wasn't upset. But I seriously wasn't. My life is one burnt potato after another and I don't sweat the small stuff!~

  3. #40173
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    Oh that is good that they have met in person before moving. At least that way you know he's a real teen boy and not some creepy old man.

    FB does definitely cause some trouble! I found out via the gossip mill aka my MIL that the cousin that bugging me so much, well her brother is not really speaking to her and his wife has unfriended her. It wasn't for FB, at the very least DH, MIL and myself wouldn't have known that she is such a hard-headed and rude insulting b*tch.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  4. #40174
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    B, I saw that about the snow. OMG, here I thought I was safe making my dentist appt in April. Since I have to leave work early, the shuttle will not be running and I have to walk to my car. I think we measured and it's about 1.5 miles. Great when the weather is fine. Sucks big time in the snow, cold, wind. And there is a hill to walk up.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  5. #40175
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Mississippi?!? and E that would bug me if someone else did that. Someone else, because I do it sometimes myself when time calls for such things
    I do it too! Sometimes, pots and pans need scrubbing/soaking, and I've got other things to do, so I just leave them for later.

    Chrissy, surely this won't last until she is 16? Long distance relationships are hard enough for adults to maintain. I hope she doesn't give you any further heart attacks!

    Christina, what you described is our everyday, all the time. Has been for well, forever. It isn't a phase for Mira, it is who she is. If Nolan is just doing this sporadically, it is likely a phase, and will pass, to either resurface later, or something else equally tiresome will take its place. I know, I'm full of good cheer today.

  6. #40176
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Oh, he used to go to school with her when she went to Candor. He relocated but they stayed friends on Facebook. Stupid Facebook. It's evil!
    Oh! Ok, gotcha! Well, 16 is a ways away, hopefully the romance dissipates before than!

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  7. #40177
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    I do it too! Sometimes, pots and pans need scrubbing/soaking, and I've got other things to do, so I just leave them for later.

    Chrissy, surely this won't last until she is 16? Long distance relationships are hard enough for adults to maintain. I hope she doesn't give you any further heart attacks!

    Christina, what you described is our everyday, all the time. Has been for well, forever. It isn't a phase for Mira, it is who she is. If Nolan is just doing this sporadically, it is likely a phase, and will pass, to either resurface later, or something else equally tiresome will take its place. I know, I'm full of good cheer today.
    Oy, I hope its a phase. He's always been on the dramatic side, little things tend to be the 'end of the world' for him. Lately though, he's gotten where he doesn't want our 'help' to do anything and of course he still needs our 'help' and it results in these meltdowns. Also he's very (and I mean very) routine oriented. So anything out of our 'normal' and there is another crying episode. Hence this morning, which did not dawn on me until just a little bit ago, the shoes I put on him weren't his usual shoes he wears to the sitter (I couldn't find the other pair) and that explains why he kept stopping, staring at his feet and crying this morning. That's an extreme case, its not quite that bad usually but things are always worse on Mondays

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  8. #40178
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Oy, I hope its a phase. He's always been on the dramatic side, little things tend to be the 'end of the world' for him. Lately though, he's gotten where he doesn't want our 'help' to do anything and of course he still needs our 'help' and it results in these meltdowns. Also he's very (and I mean very) routine oriented. So anything out of our 'normal' and there is another crying episode. Hence this morning, which did not dawn on me until just a little bit ago, the shoes I put on him weren't his usual shoes he wears to the sitter (I couldn't find the other pair) and that explains why he kept stopping, staring at his feet and crying this morning. That's an extreme case, its not quite that bad usually but things are always worse on Mondays
    Hate to break it to you, but Mira is *exactly* the same way. She has only grown more sensitive with time, and still doesn't have the self control and other skills necessary to not break into tears/tantrum over everything. She broke into tears this morning in the car because daddy had promised her M&Ms and forgot to give her any (the latest he must've promised was yesterday morning; he came home late yesterday evening, and I was there in the morning today).

  9. #40179
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Hate to break it to you, but Mira is *exactly* the same way. She has only grown more sensitive with time, and still doesn't have the self control and other skills necessary to not break into tears/tantrum over everything. She broke into tears this morning in the car because daddy had promised her M&Ms and forgot to give her any (the latest he must've promised was yesterday morning; he came home late yesterday evening, and I was there in the morning today).
    So... your saying I should start meditating now than?? It figures I would have an emotional child, being that I do not handle crying well. Probably sounds awful, but it is true. I get highly agitated when people cry (at least I can legitimately blame my dad for this one).

    I'll just have to find a way to cope with it. I'm ok, in short bursts, but become less than the patient mom I want to be if I am tired, stressed, in a rush etc. Normally I'll pick him up or we'll sit down together and we'll talk about what he's feeling. Or, I talk with him until he stops crying more specifically since it is not much of a two way conversation. I definitely don't want to stifle his emotions and he's quite some ways from being able to have a handle on his emotions. Sigh.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  10. #40180

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    Savana was like that too. I'm tellin' ya, 7 was the magic number for us. That seems like forever, i know, but after wahile you start to learn to avoid meltdown situations. And being able to nip it in the bud always helped us. I can't tell you how many times I just had to just kneel down and say things like, "I KNOW you want to wear the pink shoes. We can't find them. We HAVE to go. I'm very sorry that they are lost but we HAVE to. I know you want them." and basically just repeat that. At least she knew I heard and understood and it wasn't just that I didn't think it was important enough. As she got older and she'd still wail for 40 minutes about a certain rock, I'd just say, "Ok, we're done now. The rock is gone. I know your sad but we're going to take a deep breath and move on. We're all done with this subject." And that was it because I wasn't talking about it anymore"

    Eventually, (ok, years) she started to be able to tell herself to move on and now she will even say things to me like, "Wow. If this would have happened to me when I six I'd probably be screaming and kicking my door right now." Lol. She shakes her head like children are so crazy. She's incredibly mature and hardly ever loses it anymore.
    If someone would have told me this I'd never have believed it. I really thought she was destined to live this tragic life where nothing was ever going to be right because she was so difficult to keep happy! Now she's a dream. Y'all don't give up hope!!

  11. #40181
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    7? Is that a typo, 'cause I won't make it to 7!

    I'm glad there is a possibility of an end, but....

  12. #40182

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    Yah. 7, dude. I know. I about lost my mind.

  13. #40183
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    Conner is now calming down. At 6. So...wee bit better than 7. He was more demanding and more prone to temper tantrums than his sisters were at his age.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  14. #40184
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    Seriously don't know if I'll make it that long. Thankfully DH is pretty good about handling the meltdowns more so than me, but it doesn't do much good if Nolan specifically wants me. Which is almost always. One day at a time.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  15. #40185

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    Interestingly, without even really consulting with each other, DH & I both made it a point to define what a tantrum is to Bodhi and let him know that it's not appropriate behavior. We've also tried to be consistent about making sure he doesn't get whatever it is he wants when he's throwing the tantrum (we've actually said, "when you throw a tantrum, you don't get what you want"), but if he calms down and asks for it nicely (and if it's a reasonable request), he'll get it. I read something about how, at the exact moment they're throwing the tantrum, that's when they need the most hugs and your "regulating presence" to help calm them down. So DH & I both deny whatever it is B is clamoring for, but at the same time, try to make sure we're there and using soothing tones to help him get calm again. (I am better at this than DH.) Anyway, I do think Bodhi has gained some self-awareness from the multiple times he's had tantrums and we point out to him "this is a tantrum." We also say, "it's ok to express how you're feeling. I know you're upset and you have a hard time calming down. Shhh... let's try to get calm together again as a team. As you get older, it'll become easier, I promise." We are SO not perfect or patient all the time, and Bodhi is not so easily calmed/managed every time he gets this way, so I'm not citing ourselves as examples. My only point is, it might help to give a tantrum a label, so they can slowly learn to be aware of the times they're having them, and just begin the task of learning to regulate themselves.

  16. #40186
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    I have tried that. If it is something where I can say yes if she calms down and asks politely, then it does work. If it is something to which I would say no to, it makes the whole thing 10 times worse. 'But I'm asking you nicely, pleeeease' breaks my heart. The other thing is that her reactions are entirely disproportionate to what is going on. For instance, if she's about to trip on something and we say 'Watch your step' or something like that, we'll get a meltdown, accompanied by lots of 'Don't say that! I don't want you to say that!' and I haven't even said anything! I've completely given up on figuring out what is triggering her, because it is everything and nothing. Sometimes, 'I need you to calm down and tell me what is bothering you or I can't understand you when you're screaming' will work, but mostly, I have to let it run its course. I am very noise sensitive, so it doesn't help that I can't physically be near her for a long period of time when she is throwing tantrums, and sometimes they go on for 45 minutes or an hour.

  17. #40187

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    That does seem to be a long time. I'm guessing Mira is also not so easily distracted? But she does sound adorably strong-willed, if that's any consolation. When Bodhi has an extended episode like that, it's usually because he hasn't completely woken up from his sleep. It's almost like a night terror, although it could happen in broad daylight. :/

  18. #40188
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    Her longest tantrums usually happen when she hasn't napped, and I can't figure out what is bothering her. What's wrong? is usually answered with SCREEEEEAAAAM, and I have ended up, on occasion, just locking myself in another room, or going out of the house. That distracts her enough, and distresses her in a way I can understand and manage. I'm fairly certain that 10 minutes into her tantrum, SHE has no idea what she's upset about either.

  19. #40189
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    I am hoping that being so obstinate, she'll be one to march to the tune of her own drummer, and not give a flying fig what anyone else thinks, but I suspect that she will still be influenced too easily by her peer group. Or worse, slightly older kids.

  20. #40190

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    OMG, my neighbor who said we could use her house for mil (because she is hardly ever there untilsummer and I asked a month in advance, confirmed several times) just texted me to say her boyfriend is coming wed-sun and she's coming fri. Because they want to paint.
    What. The. Eff are we going to do???
    One hotel in this town, like a super 8. NOT going to work for her.

  21. #40191
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    Oh no B! Are you going to be stuck with her? WHAT are your neighbors thinking???

    Conner's temper tantrums were nightly and lasted 2+ hours each time. Any sort of conversation or comfort exacerbated it. Both in length and volume. As hard as it was (and believe me, it was brutal), just letting him scream it out night after night was the best option. It was hell and went on for at least a year. Starting at 3.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  22. #40192
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    You guys, I am just sick. Just sick. I was informed today that I can't come back to my position at work next school year. They want to "rotate" people through and not keep them there forever. So I have to take a different position (I'm not being fired, thank goodness). I won't be eligible to return for three years.

    But somehow the two people who have been there for 10 years, as well as the other two who have been there for 25 (part time) are being allowed to stay. I am the ONLY one being moved. Tell me I'm not being targeted.

    To my knowledge, no one has ever complained about my work. Ever. I am so ticked right now. I'm ready to move. Anybody have a school district locally with a high salary rage? I'm looking at you, California girls...
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  23. #40193
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    Oh Mandy!!! Could it have anything to do with you recommending that one child get services from her own school, since she already had them? I recall many seemed to be against that. You're right, it would be hard to feel like I wasn't being targeted in that position.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  24. #40194
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Oh Mandy!!! Could it have anything to do with you recommending that one child get services from her own school, since she already had them? I recall many seemed to be against that. You're right, it would be hard to feel like I wasn't being targeted in that position.
    No, it's nothing to do with that. The administration doesn't care about that ... it was the therapist who had to see the child was annoyed. The person who made this decision isn't even aware of that case at all, so far as I know.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  25. #40195
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    I'd be asking them why the others aren't being moved too then. Do you know what your next position will be?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  26. #40196
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    I was told I could pick pretty much anything I wanted so long as it was open. My lead offered me the community preschool position ... it's actually a pretty "cush" job. Basically I would drive around and see preschoolers in private preschools off campus. I'd have a low caseload (because I'd be driving) of only 24 (caseload size for most positions is 60+ and will increase next year). And these are the kids who didn't need a self-contained setting, so generally much less needy and not as intense therapy-wise. It's a great job - if I wanted to be doing therapy again. And wanted to do all that driving (which, honestly, might be nice in a way).
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  27. #40197
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    I was told they planned to move G and I both, but when my lead argued the point of how hard this job is to learn (seriously, it has taken me two years to feel truly proficient here) they decided to just move one of us so G could stay and mentor the newcomer.

    It doesn't explain why they aren't moving another co-worker, though.

    I suspect this might have something to do with the fact that G and I are the only ones who aren't bilingual.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  28. #40198
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    Would the other job be the same money at least?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  29. #40199
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    Oh, yeah. It's all the same money - if the board doesn't give us all a pay cut next year. And that is seriously on the table, so far as I know.

    I've felt for a while that this is a sinking ship. I just need to get out. I never had the impetus to go before, because I liked what I do. But if they're going to just mess around with me for no apparent reason - why am I dealing with this crap?
    Last edited by Gwenn; 04-08-2013 at 06:25 PM.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  30. #40200
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Oh, yeah. It's all the same money - if the board doesn't give us all a pay cut next year. And that is seriously on the table, so far as I know.

    I've felt for a while that this is a sinking ship. I just need to get out. I never had the impetus to go before, because I liked what I do. But if they're going to just mess around with me for no apparent reason - why am I dealing with this crap?
    I totally understand. I'd feel the exact same way. I think most people would want to feel like they have some control over their own career. These are the kind of decisions that really piss me off. I always go back to, "Who thinks this sh!t up?" I am not understanding who could ever think this is a good idea. At all.

    I hope you find something you truly love, for tons more money of course. It could easily be a blessing in disguise.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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