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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #39901

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    ...wait, did I just say my DOG is potty trained???

    That seems like a great approach to me! We do much the same. But, putting a little more emphasis on training probably won't hurt in reducing or eliminating his marking. Do you make him sit and stay before going in or out of the house? Sit before you feed him, and make him wait until you tell him to eat? Regularly take food away from him while he's eating? Do you do off leash healing while out somewhere really fun?

    I'm no expert, I've only learned what my dogs have taught me, just throwing off some ideas!



  2. #39902
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    Okay, have to share. DH and I went out to dinner at our favorite Chinese buffet (because that's how much we felt like celebrating Easter ... yeah) and I happened to get a fortune cookie with a fortune that referred to creativity. Since I've been doing a LOT of thinking about the creative process right now, I thought this was a cool one and wanted to save it.

    I stuck it in my pocket and at home, I was afraid of losing it so I set it on the table where I keep my laptop. Puppy immediately came over and tried to eat it (it must have smelled like cookie, I guess, although he still likes to eat paper scraps. Darn oral fixation). I rescued it from inside his mouth, all wet but still intact, and put it back on the table. It was right next to me and I had my eye on it.

    10 minutes later, Puppy scratched at the door, asking to go outside. I got right up and opened the door for him. Our living room door opens out onto a screened porch room ("Arizona room") so when I let them out I have to go through the screen room and open the outside door. Gwennie followed me out, but Puppy didn't.

    I came inside to see him chewing rapidly and swallowing my fortune. He never wanted to go out in the first place ... the whole thing was a set up to get me to leave the fortune. **** dog is too smart for his own good.

    Yes, and right here is where you are thinking I need to do more structured training. Curse you all. Right now he's in his pen, thinking about what he did.

    Oh, and other funny thing. At the Chinese buffet, we ran into the owner/manager of a Vietnamese restaurant I have been going to for 10 years. DH and I know her by name and she knows us well enough that she walks up to us at the restaurant and tells us what we want to order. She came over and hugged me. I felt like I was cheating on her with another restaurant.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  3. #39903
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    Those are some good suggestions. I do some of those things, but not all of them.

    And LOL about potty training your dog! I honestly had to read this three times to find out the problem with your statement. It seemed right to me!
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  4. #39904
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Oh, there are definitely better ways to handle it than pouting! I'm with you there.
    I agree as well. Men are like children sometimes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    And he gets all day sundays to do his own thing? Yeah, I.d be very hurt that he didn't put m poo re effort into family time.
    I'm thinking you're too generous. I wouldn't be giving a full day unless I were getting one.

    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    Thank goodness we did a variety, because my dad bumped into the Easter egg tree and knocked the whole thing over, shattering eggs we've made over the years.
    Your eggs are gorgeous, and this would have broke my heart. I try not to get attached to stuff, but the truth is if it's something that was hand made, I do. I'd probably shed some tears actually. I wouldn't be mad-accidents happen. But it would hurt nonetheless.

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    DH and I had a near collective heart attack today, coming down an escalator with Bodhi (we met friends in the city). He screamed about halfway down. I looked and saw the toebox of his shoe was stuck in the space between the step and the side wall. At the time, I thought his toe was also in that toebox, but I think it was the fact that the shoe is loose that caused the shoe to get stuck in the side. I saw us nearing the bottom of the escalator and his foot was still stuck. I had terrible visions of him getting crippled for life... or worse if we got to the bottom. I finally took one hand behind his calf and took the top of his foot in the other and gave it a thrust sideways towards him, and it finally gave. It probably wasn't as bad as I thought. Perhaps his foot would have come free regardless if we'd gotten to the bottom. But I didn't know that, in the heat of the moment. And escalators kind of freak me out anyway. I seriously needed a quaalude after that experience.
    I would have certainly freaked too. And I don't know if all the horror stories about kids feet being ripped off are true or not. It doesn't matter. Escalators have always been a source of anxiety for me for just this reason. Heaven help me if one of my kids got stuck in any way, shape, or form. I'd be a lunatic about it I'm sure.

    ----

    Easter was great. Rich came down and Syd, Conner, Rich, Bobbie, Christen & I had a marvelous day. Jesi had to work all day remodeling her store. Her fiancee helped and now he has a job stocking shelves there 4 hours a week on Thursdays. It may lead to more. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I accused the owner of never hiring a male, nor the fact that my brother promised to come in and punch him in his f'n face right in his own store if he ever got inappropriate with Jesi. I'm absolutely content to let him prove us wrong. Sure, he's a swell guy. Not. But as long as my girl is safe, I'm happy.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  5. #39905
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    I didn't see anything wrong with potty training a dog either! LOL I mean when I want mine to go, I point and say go potty.
    I don't know if it's different for girls but I fixed both of mine before six months old. Somewhere in the five month range I think. no way did I want to deal with a girl in heat. I feel for you on the marking....it's the biggest single reason why we will only have girl dogs. The rest of my family has males and they ALL freaking mark fixed or not. Especially in MY house. It was bad enough last time, with both the boys marking like 6 times in an hour that they spent a good amount of the trip kenneled. Neither marks at my parents house. My sister's male dog is huge and he didn't get along that great with cosmo so he's never been to my house. My MIL's springer was awful with marking but while he was alive we had to deal with it as she had nobody to watch him and some of it might have been being old (we were never sure if it was age or him being a butthead). Ugg to it all. I do admit some of the boys could be or have been trained better. But they aren't too bad either, especially in the own homes and get free rein of the houses.
    But yeah after experience with boys and girls.....DH and I have agreed that we are female dogs kind of people! Our worst thing generally is if someone misses the litter box but they are pretty good about proper positioning and generally make it. I do look forward to better weather though and can get Molly pottying outside more and saving on the amount of litter we are going through. Cosmo already mostly goes outside.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  6. #39906
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    Mandy, the pup is certainly at the right age to start marking, but whenever there is a change in behavior, I'd look into a medical reason as well. Just drop off his urine for a urinalysis, to rule out a UTI. Marking, once established, can be difficult to break, so you'll need to stay right on top of it. Pretend he is not house trained, and start from scratch with the usual 'watching like a hawk' routine. Like Janet said, step up the training. This gives you a place to start: http://k9deb.com/nilif.htm

    Jennifer, I've known LOTS of female dogs that mark. Me, I don't want to deal with girl dogs any more. Too complicated. Boys are easier to figure out. Plus, female dogs, once they take a dislike to another, are very, very, recalcitrant to live and let live (it pretty much ends up being crate and rotate), and I don't want to get in the middle of a b*tch fight again.

  7. #39907
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    Can I say that I love Jimmy Carter?

    http://www.womenspress-slo.org/?p=11440

  8. #39908
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    Yeah I know around here I'm the one who likes the females better than the male dogs. Cosmo will mark outside but has never done it inside. Since we use a litter box as well as outside, I really didn't want a dog lifting his leg in my laundry room.
    We really thought about if dog #2 should be male since cosmo is a girl and most things I read said two girls is the worst. Maybe it is because we got her as a little puppy but Cosmo and Molly get along so well. Too well as Cosmo lets Molly get away with too much (like bugging her and licking her face or stealing her toy). Or maybe it's just us and we raise good dogs. Just really great little personalities.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    A lot of it is breed dependent too. Most of the breeds I'm interested in are headstrong, willful, prone to not get along with everyone and everything, so I'm more likely to lean towards a particular gender, if there is a higher probability of everything working out. Not that we're looking to get another dog for a while, but it will likely be male, and a Rottie. I keep holding out hope that I can find a good Rottie in rescue (someone who volunteers in the same one I do also does Rottie rescue on the side), but the chances of getting a Rottie that is dog, cat, and kid friendly are remote. I would love, love, love a Malamute, and a kid friendly Mal would be easy enought to find, but critter friendly is a whole another kettle of fish. I do covet them, seriously.

  10. #39910

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    That was a great share, Suja. Thanks. I had to pass it on (where hopefully it'd find its way to some of my less-informed in-laws).

    Is there a way to give first aid to a choking dog? I had a scare a few nights ago, where I think Cayo almost choked on some salmon skin (stupid me, I didn't chop it into smaller pieces). He ended up hacking it out, but that was a stressful moment. I'm sure I could Google it, but I figure you ladies might know the best methods.

  11. #39911
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    I don't know Myles. When Cosmo is choking, I pat her on the side kind of hard and that seems to help. She always has been prone to coughing and choking, especially in her older years. Or if something was stuck, I would try to grab it if I could at all. If coughing is less severe, I encourage a drink a water.

    Suja that is true. I would think breed would matter most. Haha, when you describe what you are interested in....headstrong, willful, prone to not get along.....doesn't make them sound too likeable.
    Molly's beagle nose is annoying but man does that give her a cute and loveable personality. Seems to really like kids when she's been around them and is a little clown. Loves to snuggle. Just yesterday DH startled her when I was giving her some food and she nipped my finger pretty good on accident and I yelled out. OMG she felt so bad and the next bite of food she took from me so easy and gentley.
    Cosmo of course is perfect. Well if she didn't like to bark so much she would be perfect. ;)

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    I have to say, M has been the best puppy I have ever raised so far as raw material goes. He's doing fine with training, although I know I could be working harder on that, but he is just so smart and interested in learning. He's definitely headstrong and willful, bit really in a good way. He listens to me, it's just that he has his own ideas (see my post above. Still cracks me up). But that's a good thing. He's also cheerful and devoted and confident. He's an amazing puppy.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  13. #39913
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    That was a great share, Suja. Thanks. I had to pass it on (where hopefully it'd find its way to some of my less-informed in-laws).

    Is there a way to give first aid to a choking dog? I had a scare a few nights ago, where I think Cayo almost choked on some salmon skin (stupid me, I didn't chop it into smaller pieces). He ended up hacking it out, but that was a stressful moment. I'm sure I could Google it, but I figure you ladies might know the best methods.
    I've attempted the Heimlich on a puppy before but it didn't work. I ended up having to reach down his throat and pull the food out with my fingernail. It completely blocked his windpipe and even now I don't know how I managed to work it back up, but I did. And then I gave him cpr. It worked. It was just sheer luck. I didn't know wtf I was doing. I did know enough to blow through his nostrils and hold his mouth shut. Don't ask me how I knew to do that...it just seemed like common sense to me at the time.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    Sorry, meant to respond to that, too, Myles. DH has done the heimlich on Nero. He had a tendency to swallow too quickly. It can work. I never tried it, but I have reached down his throat and pulled things out. Gross, but sometimes necessary.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  15. #39915

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    Thanks for the choking responses, girls!

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    Mandy I think it could also just be that you and DH are great doggie parents! Poor little guy had it against him being a singleton and not having those early weeks with a sibling. I think you two deserve a lot of the credit.

    Though I know what you mean about raw material. cosmo was like that. Never did any classes with her and just sort of half-azzed worked on her ourselves. She is truly brilliant...and not just because she is mine but everyone we know says that too about her and they are all dog people. She just learned so fast and so easily. It was like she could read my mind. And she was so fast and agile.....shame that we never got around to taking her to agility because she would have loved it and excelled when she was younger and thinner.
    Had me really spoiled because I thought it was just our awesomeness as doggie parents.....and then came Molly. LOL She is pretty bright but her instinct to people please isn't as strong and she has a little bit of a stubborn streak. She has been more work for sure and doesn't learn quite so fast and easily. Definitely has a lot of potential though and why I'm going to do another class with her after vacation.

    Definitely looking for eager to please, easy to train in the next girl! Fingers crossed that will not be for another six years though.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    Yeah, it's the differences between him and my other dogs that put a lot of it down to nature over nurture in M's case. Gwennie was SO hard to train. It took us years until she was fully housebroken. Years. And it's so funny, when I have tried to teach her commands it's like she would stare at me and I could see her thinking "I know I'm supposed to be learning something here. I just have no idea what." Nero was very trainable, so I don't think it was my technique. I just think Gwennie has a lot of baggage. Really, we waited for her to outgrow a lot of her puppy destruction. We never did succeed in training her.

    At almost 10 now, she is so sweet and totally, 100% attuned to me. Sensitive and reads my body language. But still, I can't even teach her to give me a kiss. She just doesn't know what to do, even though when DH tells her "give me a kiss" she does it. I call her my special needs dog. But DH and I both believe that there aren't many families that would have stuck with her for so long. Many people would have brought her to a shelter and she would have been put down.

    I also think I have a lot more to bring to the table now. Years of experience teaching nonverbal kids to communicate makes me a lot better with puppies, too. I kind of approach it in the same way.

    There is a well-known SLP who has now retired. She worked with the same type of minimally verbal kids and I know of her because she developed a rating scale for early play skills and pre-linguistic behavior. I read an article about her, and apparently in her retirement she is raising ducks and studying how ducks imprint and communicate with one another. I find it really funny. I totally understand why she does it.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  18. #39918
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    I meant to reply earlier, Mylah, about how scary that escalator incident must have been. I always have that in the back of my head when I ride on escalators with my kids, for some reason. I think I've read enough articles about foot and shoe and digit entrapments and partial amputations that I always think about it, and look for the emergency stop button on them. I think Crocs and Croc-type shoes are particularly known for it, although I might be misremembering. There is usu. an emergency stop at the end of the escalator, so if you're dealing with an entrapment, you can try to loosen the foot and then give up and run ahead (if there is no one to call to) and push it. Keep an eye out on the next few escalators and look for them so you will know approximately where they are. I'm so glad everything was fine in the end.


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    Suja, thanks for sharing the Jimmy Carter article. What he said resonates with me. I started going to church as a teen to try to fit in and have a sense of community, but I didn't last long there as I couldn't support how people twisted the words in the bible to say what they wanted it to. I will never support any organized religion again.

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    That was a very brave thing for him to say. I wish more people could really take a hard look at their core beliefs, the way he did in that article.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    I didn't think much of him as a president, but he is an admirable human being.

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    I hope you ladies had a fantastic weekend!

    We are down a couple of people this week so crazy busy here!

    Easter was loads of fun, Nolan basically ended up covering himself in stickers while we were decorating eggs and was totally confused as to why he was picking eggs up off the ground It was our first year officially 'easter egg hunting' so he'll get the hang of it I am sure

    I wanted to thank ya'll for the awesome ideas, I feel at such a loss sometimes! I am loving that shaving cream craft too L (and how cute are your kids )

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  23. #39923

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    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    I meant to reply earlier, Mylah, about how scary that escalator incident must have been. I always have that in the back of my head when I ride on escalators with my kids, for some reason. I think I've read enough articles about foot and shoe and digit entrapments and partial amputations that I always think about it, and look for the emergency stop button on them. I think Crocs and Croc-type shoes are particularly known for it, although I might be misremembering. There is usu. an emergency stop at the end of the escalator, so if you're dealing with an entrapment, you can try to loosen the foot and then give up and run ahead (if there is no one to call to) and push it. Keep an eye out on the next few escalators and look for them so you will know approximately where they are. I'm so glad everything was fine in the end.
    Very good to know. Thanks for sharing this, L!!

  24. #39924

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    So I have a couple things I wanna confess. One is going to sound depressing, but really it's just an observation, and with a silver lining to boot: I don't believe my parents ever loved me anywhere near as much as I love Bodhi. I look at the way I feel about him, touch him, think about him all the time, plan for him and educate myself for him. I know my folks never really ever cared THAT much. And that's ok. I was an accident. They didn't get the chance to bond with me as a baby because they left me in the care of my great-aunt for 9 months while they immigrated here. I was a weird, ingratiating little kid, and I'm not so sure I'd have liked me that much either. I still love my parents and am forever grateful for how much they DID for me anyway, in absence of any real deep feeling for me. I just don't think they ever felt that deeply in all honesty. It's also a cultural difference too. Where we're from, kids are just supposed to fear and respect their parents and contribute to the economy of the home. Parents aren't supposed to dote on their kids. The silver lining is that I get to use their parenting as a gauge of how much feeling I have for Bodhi, and it surprises me every day that I am capable of loving this kid so much. It makes me a little sad to think these thoughts, but I guess it is what it is.

    Speaking of it being what it is, my manager gave me more feedback today in a one-on-one meeting. She sang nothing but praises for my skills, my "quickness of mind" (her words), and she had no doubt that I was the most skilled consultant on her team. On the other hand, she said she (and others(?)) have observed that I'm "disengaged" - like I don't have passion for the work I do. At first I was kind of bothered by the fact that she said that, as it was put out there as a negative. But after thinking about it, I thought, well, at least I'm transparent, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. The truth is, there's no way I will ever have a love for software development or project management or anything like that. If I'm effective at what I do, that's good enough for me. And I can't spend too much of my time outside of business hours thinking about how to acquire a passion for it all of a sudden. There may be some people out there who are extremely good at it AND love doing it with all their hearts, but I just don't fall into that category. If that precludes me from ever working here full-time, then I'm sure there's another company out there with different values that will find what I do complementary to they do. I say this now because after all the interviews I did, I still haven't heard back from the other team about the job opening. It's been 2 weeks now, and I've started to assume the job went to someone else, so I contacted HR today, and was told they're still conducting interviews. A lot of you ladies know I've been TTC. If it doesn't happen this cycle, and if the job goes to someone else, I've decided to start looking elsewhere, with goal of starting somewhere in May (when I've hit the 6 month mark on this contract and it won't look weird to prospective employers that I jumped ship). This place has a very strange, impersonal vibe to me (which is why it's ironic that I've been told to come out of my shell and "engage" more). I don't know if it's my management or company culture in general. Sorry for rambling. I've been in denial that I'm unhappy where I am now because if I admitted it to myself, then I'd have to do something about it. Anyway, it's been hard to come in day after day, and I can't even really 100% explain why. In the long run, I feel positive that there's always something better out there for me. OK, end of ramble.
    Last edited by demigraf; 04-01-2013 at 04:29 PM. Reason: sang not sung

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    Myles, I wish I could type a longer reply, but I'm on my phone. I just wanted to say that I have those very same thoughts about my own parents.

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    Myles, it might not be ambivalence so much as pretty typical 'We Asians do not show emotions' type of response. I didn't grow up with lots of physical affection, or validation of my wonderfulness, and I don't remember my parents ever saying that they love me, but I have zero doubt they would take a bullet for me. By American standards, my parents probably didn't do enough to demonstrate their affection for their kids, but I know what I know, and we have a wonderful relationship.

    I am sorry about the sucky work environment. It's kind of a vicious cycle, and sometimes, there isn't anything to do except wait for the correct time to exit.

  27. #39927
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    I was thinking along the same lines as Suja. It could well be a difference in culture. I see so many different families at work and it can be striking how different groups of people manifest their love for their children. American parents in particular tend to be very much the way you describe with Bodhi, but this is really a recent phenomenon and even a few generations ago here it wasn't common.

    My dad was a Depression baby. Between that and the fact that he has Asperger's made him very distant from us as children. I know he loves me, but he made (and continues to make) very different choices in priorities than I will make with my children, should I ever have them. My mother is a nurturer and a teacher, so she invested a lot of herself in us. She is more modern in her parenting, but at the same time you can see she is from a different generation than parents today simply by some of the choices she made.

    But I want to give a great big hug to your toddler self.

    As far as your job goes, I think either you have passion for something or you don't. Certainly being the "most skilled" at your job of anyone on her team ought to be enough for them. If it isn't, it is definitely time to look elsewhere.

    Interesting you bring up passion, though. That fortune cookie fortune I was trying to save, that Marcus Aurelius ate before I could write it down, was something to the effect that "there is no genius without passion." It struck a chord with me after spending a day listening to and watching videos of Tommy - LOL. I need to apply that concept to my writing, I think. Anything that you feel strongly about - creativity, family, etc, passion applies. I admit I AM passionate about my work but I am in the minority in that. I don't think you need passion to be a capable and respected employee. My partner, G, is incredible and I have learned a ton from her, but I don't think she is passionate about what she does. She enjoys it, but is not passionate about it. It's enough for her, and for those who work with her, that she is so skilled and has so much knowledge to share.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  28. #39928

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    I get what you're saying, Suja. I should add, though, that I do think my parents were very doting on my sister, at least when she was very little. There are photos all over the place of them kissing her, a parent on each cheek. And her in funny outfits and my dad parading her around with a proud look on his face. I think by the time I came along, the novelty wore off or something. My dad always had this demeanor like he was barely tolerating me. My great-aunt, OTOH, who raised me as an infant and later lived with us 'til I was 5... she DID dote on me - obsess over me, even - and I was by far her favorite. I have the sense that since I probably treated my folks like chopped liver next to her, they developed a dismissive attitude towards me too. It just struck me that I might have missed a critical window to bond with my folks. They're nice people, but I don't feel attached in a hugely emotional way. I hope this is making some sort of sense.

  29. #39929
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    That does make sense to me, Myles.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  30. #39930

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Interesting you bring up passion, though. That fortune cookie fortune I was trying to save, that Marcus Aurelius ate before I could write it down, was something to the effect that "there is no genius without passion." It struck a chord with me after spending a day listening to and watching videos of Tommy - LOL. I need to apply that concept to my writing, I think. Anything that you feel strongly about - creativity, family, etc, passion applies. I admit I AM passionate about my work but I am in the minority in that.
    Well, there's definitely a lack of genius to go along with my lack of passion. LOL! I have totally observed how much passion you have for your work, Mandy, and it astounds me. It'd scare me to have that much concern for my work, but I also think how fortunate you are to
    be able to do what you love. I hope you do find that a way to plug that passion into your writing as well.

    Btw, my toddler self hugs you back, Mandy.

    And Ash, please do share when you get the chance.
    Last edited by demigraf; 04-01-2013 at 04:38 PM.

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