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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #39781
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    Ahhhh! Chrissy your going to be a Gma!!

    *backs out slowly*

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  2. #39782
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Ahhhh! Chrissy your going to be a Gma!!

    *backs out slowly*
    Thank you! I'm happy for them. It's exciting.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  3. #39783
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Thank you! I'm happy for them. It's exciting.
    It is. As well as nerve wracking, but they'll be OK!

    Seriously. Your going to be the best Gma EVER

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  4. #39784
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    ...and I miss you ladies! I stalk, but can't dedicate myself to the NET quite yet, I would probably miss 2/3 of the conversation and feel awful!

    Only 4 more weeks of classes at full time status and than I only have 1 summer class and I'll officially have my BA! So I should be able to come back and bore you ladies with my responses soon enough

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  5. #39785
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    Welcome back! And congratulations on your own soon to be LO. How is Nolan taking it?

    I agree that there is no way to ask that question of someone, and not have it be noseypantsing. If someone volunteered the information, that's different.

    Chrissy, how did Rich do with the news?

  6. #39786
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    I think I just pissed off a girl I know because we were texting and she said she wondered if one of her friend's kids was planned or not and I said "that's not really something you ask someone".

    Is it really just because I've been hanging around here that I know that is a very insensitive question? Like, whose business is that and if you ask that question do you really want to know the answer?
    Totally not appropriate to ask. Though I know it'll be the first on peoples tongues when we tell them. I haven't decided how we are going to respond yet. Other than none of your business

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  7. #39787

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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Totally not appropriate to ask. Though I know it'll be the first on peoples tongues when we tell them. I haven't decided how we are going to respond yet. Other than none of your business
    Congrats!

    I say bore them with details! If they're gonna ask they have to be ready for the answer!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Welcome back! And congratulations on your own soon to be LO. How is Nolan taking it?
    Thanks!

    I am not sure if Nolan 'gets' it yet. I know William told him that there was a 'baby in mommys belly' but we haven't talked about it too much. We haven't told very many people yet, so I don't want him to accidenatlly spread the news

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  9. #39789
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    Quote Originally Posted by daylilies View Post
    Congrats!

    I say bore them with details! If they're gonna ask they have to be ready for the answer!
    I just might! I think DH just plans on telling people that we planned it. Though that's not 100% accurate.

    We'd decided to start TTC in January. Than *I* decided that we should wait another year.

    Than we just happen to get pg in January

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  10. #39790
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    Well I can't wait to 'see' you back here again Christina

    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Welcome back! And congratulations on your own soon to be LO. How is Nolan taking it?

    I agree that there is no way to ask that question of someone, and not have it be noseypantsing. If someone volunteered the information, that's different.

    Chrissy, how did Rich do with the news?
    Rich did very well. He talked to Kaleb and Jesi, offered up some fatherly advice. Whined to me a little about not being ready to be a grandpa but I told him it wasn't about us and what we were ready for and he said he knew. I only wish he could be like himself around me. Normally he'd have hugged me tight and we'd have just been happy, but now he has a gf and he was stiff and awkward. I don't get it. It's not like I'm a threat. It kinda makes me sad that we can't be as close as we were just because he has a gf. You all know I've had someone (sorta) but that didn't make me be cool to Rich.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  11. #39791
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    I just might! I think DH just plans on telling people that we planned it. Though that's not 100% accurate.

    We'd decided to start TTC in January. Than *I* decided that we should wait another year.

    Than we just happen to get pg in January
    You're adults. You're married. That means it's no ones business.

    I'd only be all up in someones sh!t about it if it were Syd. She's only 14.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  12. #39792
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Well I can't wait to 'see' you back here again Christina



    Rich did very well. He talked to Kaleb and Jesi, offered up some fatherly advice. Whined to me a little about not being ready to be a grandpa but I told him it wasn't about us and what we were ready for and he said he knew. I only wish he could be like himself around me. Normally he'd have hugged me tight and we'd have just been happy, but now he has a gf and he was stiff and awkward. I don't get it. It's not like I'm a threat. It kinda makes me sad that we can't be as close as we were just because he has a gf. You all know I've had someone (sorta) but that didn't make me be cool to Rich.
    Sigh. I've missed so so much. Hopefully its just a temporary awkwardness in finding a new rythym for him.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    Yes! Yes, Xtina! Congrats on your pregnancy! Come back and tell us all about how your school year went once it's all over and done with.

    Kate, it does seem like a really intimate, inappropriate question. I can honestly think of only 3 friends whom I'd feel comfortable asking, and they would probably tell me up front anyway.

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    You're adults. You're married. That means it's no ones business.

    I'd only be all up in someones sh!t about it if it were Syd. She's only 14.
    You are right, but that won't keep them from being nosey nancys!

    Before we got pg with Nolan, while we were TTC, one of DHs aunts told me "What can't you have any kids?" while asking me one night why we hadn't had any kids yet. Good example of why we didn't tell hardly anyone what we were going through. Not the most sensitive bunch.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  15. #39795

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    Rich has a gf, Chrissy? Is it that mutual friend of yours that you mentioned earlier? I think it will all get comfortable again if you just keep being around each other and giving it time. That's always been the way I handled awkwardness anyway.

    I want to find you that G.I.L.F. shirt, btw.

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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Yes! Yes, Xtina! Congrats on your pregnancy! Come back and tell us all about how your school year went once it's all over and done with.
    Thank you, thank you! Things have settle down a lot with school being that I forced mysef to take most of the 'hard' classes and these last couple aren't too heavy.

    Though, I am stuck taking a 'Religion and Personal Experience' class currently. The curriculum is basically reading these books and than writing papers on them. Currently readin 'Take This Bread'. Sigh. It's been difficult and apparently I am the only non-christian in the class, which just means our weekly 'discussions' involve in no one responding to me

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


  17. #39797
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    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    I want to find you that G.I.L.F. shirt, btw.
    You're a hoot!!


    Rich won't change...it's something weird about him. Because he has a gf, he has to be a d1ck to me. We were broke up before and it was the exact same thing. AND...this time we had a 'moment' and a couple days really, really talking. It ended up with us making out and me bawling about how we ended up here. The next day he sent an abrupt text stating, "I've thought about it all night and I think it's best if we just remain friends." He will not discuss anything with me, won't explain anything to me, and for a while wouldn't even come up to my apartment when he dropped Conner off or picked him up. Like it's my fault and I fooled him somehow. I dunno. I don't really care. The chick is 30-something, has two kids with two dads, currently lives with a guy that's a trucker and has a history of f'n lots of different men. I'm not feeling threatened in the least. No Myles, she's not my friend that I mentioned earlier. She's a piece of work and looks like a bar broad. But Rich likes her.
    Last edited by missychrissy; 03-28-2013 at 12:29 PM.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  18. #39798
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    Sigh. I am sorry Chrissy He went the total opposite of finding a woman like you didn't he

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Sigh. I am sorry Chrissy He went the total opposite of finding a woman like you didn't he
    That's really his problem. We've already had a fight about him having her over with Conner there. That was their first 'date' Dinner with their young children. I asked Rich why that didn't raise any red flags with him. She's currently living with a man and taking her 7 year old son to another guy's house for a first date? And Conner told me he saw Daddy kissing Jen. I told Rich that was going to stop or I'd be taking Conner to live with me. Date her at least 6-8 months before bringing him around your very young son! Geesuz.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    Christina!!!! Congrats! And I do consider that trying because you have talked about wanting that for a while. And how cool to be almost done with school!!! I feel for you in the religion class....I went to a catholic school and was the only atheist or anything close to one in my classes....which was at least one religion and than with my major, religion came up all the time.

    It is a rude question but one that many of us think! I think sometimes it's just trying to figure out if it was a good surprise or a surprise. Not that a baby is a bad thing but there is something about having one on purpose and a surprise. People are just nosey and I like to think that most don't mean any harm.

    Chrissy it's amazing how well you take things. I could just picture my mom if that was me at 18, eventually she would have come around but OMG it wouldn't have been pretty. But at 18 I was definitely not an adult. I wasn't really an adult until about 24 yrs old. That was when I was no longer taking their money to support myself in anyway.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  21. #39801
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    That's really his problem. We've already had a fight about him having her over with Conner there. That was their first 'date' Dinner with their young children. I asked Rich why that didn't raise any red flags with him. She's currently living with a man and taking her 7 year old son to another guy's house for a first date? And Conner told me he saw Daddy kissing Jen. I told Rich that was going to stop or I'd be taking Conner to live with me. Date her at least 6-8 months before bringing him around your very young son! Geesuz.
    Woah That's.... so not cool... Rich is cool with dating a chick that is living with another guy?? That doesn't bug him at all?

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Before we got pg with Nolan, while we were TTC, one of DHs aunts told me "What can't you have any kids?" while asking me one night why we hadn't had any kids yet. Good example of why we didn't tell hardly anyone what we were going through. Not the most sensitive bunch.
    My SIL (OB/Gyn) offered to have me checked out by the senior OB at her practice because you know the only reason people don't have kids is because there is something wrong with the woman. I asked her who was going to check out DH to make sure all his parts are working, and then she didn't say anything about it again. They never bought that I did not want kids (no one is childless by choice in their world).

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Christina!!!! Congrats! And I do consider that trying because you have talked about wanting that for a while. And how cool to be almost done with school!!! I feel for you in the religion class....I went to a catholic school and was the only atheist or anything close to one in my classes....which was at least one religion and than with my major, religion came up all the time.
    I am so, so glad to be almost done!! We'd been talking about my enroling in the Masters program in the fall, but with the new baby, I'll probably be pushing it back a bit. I just can't imagine being 7 mnths pregnan starting the Masters program and than giving birth mid class

    The school I am attending is Catholic, I am pretty sure, it is a private university and I had to take one religion class in order to receive my BA. It's frustrating, because now it means I have to take a class over the summer which is not ideal! Oh well, I am almost there

    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    My SIL (OB/Gyn) offered to have me checked out by the senior OB at her practice because you know the only reason people don't have kids is because there is something wrong with the woman. I asked her who was going to check out DH to make sure all his parts are working, and then she didn't say anything about it again. They never bought that I did not want kids (no one is childless by choice in their world).
    That's how hubbys family is. They couldn't imagine why we waited so long to have Nolan. Like um... first off I'm young as hell and second I wanted to have time with my husband before we started a family!! One of my dear friends and her husband are childless by choice, but honestly they are the only ones I know. So I suppose its not too common, here
    Last edited by Smplyme89; 03-28-2013 at 01:23 PM.

    Things are a little crazy, but I'm loving every minute of it My Blog


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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Chrissy it's amazing how well you take things. I could just picture my mom if that was me at 18, eventually she would have come around but OMG it wouldn't have been pretty. But at 18 I was definitely not an adult. I wasn't really an adult until about 24 yrs old. That was when I was no longer taking their money to support myself in anyway.
    I really don't see how I could be anything other than accepting. I fully believe once a person is 18, they're in total control of their own life. I don't feel any 'ownership' of my kids, and I don't feel like I have any right to tell them how to find their own happiness in life. I don't like people telling me what I should do, so I don't do that to anyone else. Would I have chosen this? No. But it's not my life. It's hers. As her mother it's my responsibility to be supportive of her. I was shocked, but beyond that anything less than happy for her wasn't even a fleeting thought. She'll figure it out. It's her life. Me yelling at her wouldn't solve anything and could cause a permanent rift in our relationship. It would make her (and me) feel awful. It wouldn't do anyone any good.

    When I got pregnant I was 16. My father wasn't pleased, but that was pretty much the role he played with me. What was done was done, and he was nothing but supportive (if not slightly disappointed as well). Everything came out all right and I really, really appreciate how he was about it. He was the best. I learned from the best.

    Quote Originally Posted by Smplyme89 View Post
    Woah That's.... so not cool... Rich is cool with dating a chick that is living with another guy?? That doesn't bug him at all?
    Oh no. She's a 'nice girl' according to Rich. Never mind that just weeks prior he told Conner that if I took him to my friend's house, he'd shoot us both. My friend that I've known (as a friend) for over 5 years and the topic of Conner hadn't ever come up between us.

    You got me started. I wasn't going to rant about Rich. He's just going through something and it really has nothing to do with me. I've called him on the things that have to do with Conner but the rest of it I really don't care about. I cared when he got my emotions going and then suddenly pulled back, but I'm even over that bit too.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    I really don't see how I could be anything other than accepting. I fully believe once a person is 18, they're in total control of their own life. I don't feel any 'ownership' of my kids, and I don't feel like I have any right to tell them how to find their own happiness in life. I don't like people telling me what I should do, so I don't do that to anyone else. Would I have chosen this? No. But it's not my life. It's hers. As her mother it's my responsibility to be supportive of her. I was shocked, but beyond that anything less than happy for her wasn't even a fleeting thought. She'll figure it out. It's her life. Me yelling at her wouldn't solve anything and could cause a permanent rift in our relationship. It would make her (and me) feel awful. It wouldn't do anyone any good.

    When I got pregnant I was 16. My father wasn't pleased, but that was pretty much the role he played with me. What was done was done, and he was nothing but supportive (if not slightly disappointed as well). Everything came out all right and I really, really appreciate how he was about it. He was the best. I learned from the best.



    Oh no. She's a 'nice girl' according to Rich. Never mind that just weeks prior he told Conner that if I took him to my friend's house, he'd shoot us both. My friend that I've known (as a friend) for over 5 years and the topic of Conner hadn't ever come up between us.

    You got me started. I wasn't going to rant about Rich. He's just going through something and it really has nothing to do with me. I've called him on the things that have to do with Conner but the rest of it I really don't care about. I cared when he got my emotions going and then suddenly pulled back, but I'm even over that bit too.
    Totally agree with the bolded. She is an adult and will make her own decisions, as she has already demonstrated many times. Getting upset or angry would only drive her away and then you would never see your grandbaby.

    And Rich is being a complete ****. I'm so sorry.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    I have to say that you're handling this with such grace, Chrissy. I'm not sure I'd be as supportive and understanding as you're being (with both Jesi and Rich).

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Totally agree with the bolded. She is an adult and will make her own decisions, as she has already demonstrated many times. Getting upset or angry would only drive her away and then you would never see your grandbaby.

    And Rich is being a complete ****. I'm so sorry.
    I've wondered how much of the 'progress' we made was really me. I've said before that he agreed to all my ideas. Where would he have ended up if he hadn't connected with me when he was 18? If the gas station girl is anything to judge by, not very far in life. And it's sad for me to see him regress like that. Just 'cause he wants to get some. but whatever. it's his life he's ruining.

    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    I have to say that you're handling this with such grace, Chrissy. I'm not sure I'd be as supportive and understanding as you're being (with both Jesi and Rich).
    Thank you. I don't feel like I'm handling anything with anything. It's simply how I feel about both scenarios. But it's still nice to hear that someone thinks it's swell.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    I've wondered how much of the 'progress' we made was really me. I've said before that he agreed to all my ideas. Where would he have ended up if he hadn't connected with me when he was 18? If the gas station girl is anything to judge by, not very far in life. And it's sad for me to see him regress like that. Just 'cause he wants to get some. but whatever. it's his life he's ruining.
    I am not saying this because you are my friend - I have every belief that without you in his life, he would have turned out very differently. And I don't think it would have been for the better.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    I really don't see how I could be anything other than accepting. I fully believe once a person is 18, they're in total control of their own life. I don't feel any 'ownership' of my kids, and I don't feel like I have any right to tell them how to find their own happiness in life. I don't like people telling me what I should do, so I don't do that to anyone else. Would I have chosen this? No. But it's not my life. It's hers. As her mother it's my responsibility to be supportive of her. I was shocked, but beyond that anything less than happy for her wasn't even a fleeting thought. She'll figure it out. It's her life. Me yelling at her wouldn't solve anything and could cause a permanent rift in our relationship. It would make her (and me) feel awful. It wouldn't do anyone any good.
    You're an awesome mom... I said it earlier, but I'll say it again. Jesi will always be so grateful for your support and love.
    When I got pg with dd1, I was 24, had been to college and had lived on my own for 8 years, and was working as an editor for the local paper. I wasn't married, and the guy wasn't someone they were in love with (I wasn't sure I was, either - ha). But my parents were so angry, disappointed, embarrassed -- it was a tough time for me. They came around eventually (mostly because I did end up marrying the father of my child, although I shouldn't have, and it didn't last). But I sometimes think about how much sadness and stress could have been avoided for me had they accepted and supported me from the beginning. I'll never forget the looks on their faces when I told them, sobbing, that I was pregnant. It was horrible. My mom couldn't talk to me or look me in the eye for weeks.

    By loving Jesi and Kaleb, and accepting her news with joy, you're giving them a wonderful gift.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Thank you. I don't feel like I'm handling anything with anything. It's simply how I feel about both scenarios. But it's still nice to hear that someone thinks it's swell.
    That's the really cool thing about you, that this is who you are. Me? I would've gone ape sh!t and had a coronary, and it wouldn't have done anyone any good.

    And I agree with Mandy that he would've turned out differently, and not for the better.

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