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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #39451
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    Clearly I'm just not as skilled in the art of seduction as some.

    But really, my boobs just don't measure up in comparison. It would probably just make him feel wistful.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  2. #39452
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    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    Geez, Chrissy, that does not sound like a safe place to work. No matter what level of threats are made, do you think she could be safe there? And if she was not safe there, do you/your family think you all could handle the fall-out from the crime or the punishment? I know it can't be easy to find a stable job, but there has to be a better way.
    Jesi still doesn't have her high school diploma. She's totally stopped talking about the National Guard. I don't know what her plans are right now, but the whole thing is complicated by the fact that she's 18 and there's little I can do. AND she's incredibly pissed at me and if I push further I'm really running the risk of her hating me forever. I'm caught in the position of waiting to see what happens and risking her seriously getting hurt, or trying to contact corporate and risk being estranged from her for a very, very long time. I don't even know if corporate would do anything since she's not complaining and all the stories I know of are former employees or from women that knew him from other areas. I'm not sure how much the corporate office is going to want to truly investigate things. I suspect they'd send an official over to talk to Todd and that would be the large and small of it.

    Bobbie and I talked, and technically she could file a sexual harassment case with the Dept of Labor and even the discrimination office (can't remember the technical name, but it's a state one and I have it bookmarked). She was their child care provider (for one day) and falls under the umbrella of 'domestic employee' and as such is protected by NYS law. I pointed out to her as well that Jesi could get seriously pissed at us and not speak to us for a very long time. Bobbie was upset and she's thinking about it too. Neither of us want that.

    To further complicate things, Rich just started seeing another cashier there. She must still be in the honeymoon phase with Todd herself because she's loyal to him. I'm not an idiot...if the choice is to side with the soon-to-be-ex-wife or the girl-i-wanna-get-laid with, the ex-wife isn't going to measure up. I'm afraid that after talking to Rich, it's clear he's not seeing everything there is to see. Todd's being all chummy with Rich and talking about him, his wife, Rich's new friend, and Rich all going out. And he's paid Rich well to clear off the property around the gas station...so Rich is being weak and falling for it. I don't know how to make him see the writing on the wall because we both discussed this prior to Jesi working there. Everyone knows how Todd is, and now that Todd is giving Rich something ($ and a date!) Rich is hesitant to believe anything ill of Todd. Aggravating beyond belief.

    Right now I'm documenting everything and I did send a message to the person that posted what I shared above. She gave me a name of another previous employee of Todd's that had issues with him, put him in his place, and quit. She also told me where she's working now so I may go and pay her a visit. I think if one girl speaks out, a whole bunch will follow.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Here is my trailer park post for the evening:

    Earlier I was watching American Idol, and DH was passing through the room and noticed that there were some smudges on the TV screen. They've been there for a while, actually, but you only notice when something is light colored and otherwise you can't see it so I'm always annoyed by it and then forget about it as soon as I'm done watching whatever it was. DH, for some reason, was feeling enterprising and went and got a damp cloth to clean off the smudges but was having a hard time seeing where they were because the colors kept shifting. So, I was pointing them out: "on his shirt collar," etc. Then the screen shifted to show Mariah Carey and, well, the smudge was right in the center of her left boob. I kept directing him, "left boob." "No, lower." "Boob."

    I must say, the woman has impressively large boobs. I'm sure she purchased them, but either way, DH got a treat tonight!
    That's too funny!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  3. #39453

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    Aw man, Chrissy. I am disappointed in Rich for letting his judgement on this be clouded
    Now why is Jesi pissed? Because she like her job? Or she likes her boss? Or she just wants to leave it all alone?

  4. #39454

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    Mandy, how is Idol this year? I haven't watched it at all.

    Chrissy I'm sorry about the whole mess with the job.

  5. #39455
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    APA seems to be almost fully functional again. I'm so thrilled. I changed my picture just to see if I could change my settings, and I have gotten my password back from the gobbledegook it had been reset as.


  6. #39456

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    Yay! I need to put up a new pic of Josh.

  7. #39457

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Clearly I'm just not as skilled in the art of seduction as some.

    But really, my boobs just don't measure up in comparison. It would probably just make him feel wistful.
    Perhaps Bridget & Kai could help you construct a pair out of garbanzo beans.


    Chrissy, it's tough to be a mom, even of an adult. I think, if you talk to Valero's BR, they'd be forced to take the claims seriously, even if the employee isn't the source. If anything, they will have been notified. If he's the owner of a franchise, I don't know what recourse they have, but they could help place pressure on him and make him aware he's being watched. I personally would risk estrangement from Jesi. She sounds like she's in over her head to me. Good luck, mama. I'm sorry this is so worrisome.

  8. #39458

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    *Valero's HR (not BR).

    I'm too lazy to switch to full site to make the edit above.



    Gonna try a morning run now. Off I go!

  9. #39459
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Aw man, Chrissy. I am disappointed in Rich for letting his judgement on this be clouded
    Now why is Jesi pissed? Because she like her job? Or she likes her boss? Or she just wants to leave it all alone?
    Jesi thinks he's just a nice guy and funny. She wants a job, and I suspect she and her fiancee may be smoking pot with Todd and his wife in the basement of the store. She thinks I'm overreacting and that I nearly cost her her job when I went in there and chewed them out.

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Perhaps Bridget & Kai could help you construct a pair out of garbanzo beans.


    Chrissy, it's tough to be a mom, even of an adult. I think, if you talk to Valero's BR, they'd be forced to take the claims seriously, even if the employee isn't the source. If anything, they will have been notified. If he's the owner of a franchise, I don't know what recourse they have, but they could help place pressure on him and make him aware he's being watched. I personally would risk estrangement from Jesi. She sounds like she's in over her head to me. Good luck, mama. I'm sorry this is so worrisome.
    I'm going to try to talk to as many former employees as I can and see if they'll give me permission to use their name and at least a phone number so when I contact Valero, I'll have more than 1 person complaining.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  10. #39460
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    I think, for now at least, documenting everything, collecting information, names, contact info, that sort of thing is the way to go. Once you have a persuasive case, send it to Valero. Chances are, this guy is a franchisee, so they probably can't kick him out, at they can maybe let him know that he is being watched, and to clean up his act. I don't see how Jesi has to know anything. Someone complained - seems like there are plenty of people with a reason to do so.

    ETA: Can you enlist Caleb? At least let him know you're concerned for her safety, the reason why, show him the texts sent to Bobbie, and ask him to keep an eye on things?
    Last edited by Suja; 03-14-2013 at 09:02 AM.

  11. #39461
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    I think, for now at least, documenting everything, collecting information, names, contact info, that sort of thing is the way to go. Once you have a persuasive case, send it to Valero. Chances are, this guy is a franchisee, so they probably can't kick him out, at they can maybe let him know that he is being watched, and to clean up his act. I don't see how Jesi has to know anything. Someone complained - seems like there are plenty of people with a reason to do so.
    That's exactly what I'm thinking too Suja. Thank you. I'm really feeling helpless and more than a little alarmed, your comment helped me feel better about my decision.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  12. #39462
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    Maybe if they are on good terms with him and he's got your brother watching, you watching, and even Rich would do something I think if he messed with her....Jesi is ok working there? It's hard. I don't think that if she's not willing to stand up for herself than there is that much that you could do right now.

    Gretchen, I don't know....I think if your DH wants to drop it and ignore it you have to. I kind of had to deal with this with mine...no siblings but only two cousins. Their dad will screw anyone over and recently his one cousin got a great deal/gift from grandpa (he's 92 and starting to sort of lose it). Sob story of how she "needed" it because her divorce from her ex was messy. Never mind that her father plus her new fiance are loaded. So my DH is once again feeling left out and like he got screwed over....I mean it's not like it wouldn't be helpful to us to get a gift like that. Adoption isn't cheap! And while I love my MIL, she is NOT one to stand up for herself or DH (if she was, she wouldn't have been in an abusive marriage for 15 years!). She doesn't want to have anyone in the family hate her or rock the boat. DH is like that too....and I want to fight for him.
    We pretty much at this point assume that once grandpa dies and his mom likely moves by us, we won't have much to do with his family except the other uncle that we like. And yeah we both would write off family for political beliefs. His cousin (same one above)....we basically cannot stand her. She changed and has gotten uber conservative and isn't nice about it. Still on FB with her but we both have her stuff set to not be on our newsfeeds. And since we live 4-5 hours away, we basically only see her as it is once a year or every other year tops.
    I will say that that while I'm generally all about family, I also think that blood isn't everything and we can pick who our family is. I grew up with a mom who mostly hasn't spoken to her brother in 34 years....I absolutely do not consider him my uncle, nor is his son my cousin. My cousins that I love are adopted and there is no blood there. I have a sister in France....no blood again but she is absolutely my family....calls my parents Mum and Dad.

    OMG, I have no clue how I am going to be able to handle having a child. Last night Cosmo sprained her leg....had the vet still been open when it first happened, I think I would have rushed her over to get an x-ray (at that point I thought it might have broken but now I'm certain it wasn't a break). I was on the floor with her and holding ice to her leg and I thought I was going to throw up I was so stressed and worried. This morning she was at least limping less and putting more weight on it so hopefully a quiet day at home will help even more. If I am around, she tries to follow me everywhere but if just DH is home, she will go chill out and sleep alone.

    So I'm thinking of trying to go gluten free once we eat what we already have in the house. I have always kind of wondered about it but decided it was too much work. DH and I both have a number of symptoms but it's not severe enough I want to go through testing. Instead I was thinking of trying for a month or two and see if we felt different. I have an unnatural addiction to pasta.....I could seriously eat it every meal every day and in large amounts. I like rice and potatoes and corn but don't get that addicted feeling with them. And they keep me full longer than pasta. Looking back to when I felt the best ever, it was after the gastric bypass...not the first few weeks when I was healing and adjusting but after that...and it wasn't just the weight loss because I still had lots to lose. I had to make sure to get in protein so for a while I pretty much ate protein and if I had room, I got some veggies and a little starch or fruit.
    My pantry is going to look so empty because almost everything we eat has wheat!

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  13. #39463
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Maybe if they are on good terms with him and he's got your brother watching, you watching, and even Rich would do something I think if he messed with her....Jesi is ok working there? It's hard. I don't think that if she's not willing to stand up for herself than there is that much that you could do right now.
    I'm trying to comfort myself with those thoughts too Jennifer. I clearly spelled out, numerous times, that what he's done is illegal and I'm not afraid to go after him because of it. Tim has threatened him with physical violence and has the reputation of being fearless during confrontations (although, truth be told he's not really been in an actual fight as a mature adult, but Todd doesn't know that and I have no doubts Tim wouldn't hesitate to do what he said). From what little I know, his previous victims didn't have strong support people looking out for them. Perhaps this time Todd underestimated the situation. Estranged or not, all 3 of us (Rich included) would go after him as a united unit if he dared lay a finger on Jesi.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  14. #39464
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    And I'd be lying if I didn't admit to telling myself, "You do not have a criminal record. If you assault him, you'll likely get 6 months probation." I'm going to try and handle myself better than that, but don't think those thoughts aren't lurking down in the deep.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  15. #39465
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    You know I do think that abusers know who they can get away with stuff with. MIL's second husband was abusive. They were together oh about the first 2-3 years I was with DH so I did know him and spend time with him. I later found out he trashed talked me when I wasn't there....but when I was around (DH lived at home...we were young back than!...so it was a lot that we hung out there), he was fine with him. I think he sensed that number one, I was NOT going to put up with his BS and two, that if he ever tried anything, my Dad would have kicked his a$$. My dad is a big strong guy, especially 15 years ago when he was only in his middle/upper 40's. My dad never said anything when they met him....but he was bigger and stronger and younger. He's mostly a pretty gentle easy going shy guy....except when it comes to his girls.

    I am thinking that this guy is a sleaze and bad man....but unless it's a total idiot, he's got to realize that your girls are off-limits and that he couldn't get away with it.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  16. #39466

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    You are doing a great job gathering information on this, Chrissy. It must be so stressful and worrisome. But I agree with Jennifer -- the guy will probably know enough to stay away from your girls from now on (not that it's much of a comfort that he'll try to find more vulnerable prey -- ugh! but hopefully he'll get his butt tossed to him soon enough).

    Jennifer, I'm sorry about Cosmo. Hope her leg is doing better today. Good luck with the gluten break. I think even those of us who aren't intolerant do tend to rely too heavily on wheat sometimes. Luckily, there are tons of other options out there now. And it's so true that grains are a habit -- they're so easy and filling that I know sometimes I have not realized how much I'm depending on them. I cut back a ton on wheat and other grain products (bread, pasta, cereal etc) recently and I really had to think more about well-rounded, filling meals.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  17. #39467
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    That is the crazy thing....I don't find wheat filling at all. Especially pasta. I just LOVE it. I can eat a huge plate of pasta and be hungry an hour later. Even pasta with meat and or cheese. I will make a whole box of spaghetti for two people....and we can eat most of it. and what is left, I go and snack on during the evening....really only two hours after dinner. I would eat cold spaghetti for breakfast every day if I could. I don't get this way over rice. Or a potato....which I do find a lot more filling.
    If nothing else, I'm hoping a big change will jumpstart the weight loss. DH would stand to lose about 40 and I am pretty annoyed with myself that I lost about 160 lbs and have regained about 75 of that. At least we are getting up on the time of year when the produce starts looking a lot better.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  18. #39468

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    Wow! That really can add up if it doesn't fill you. I think what I meant was more that grains are so easy to create a meal around -- what's for lunch/dinner? I don't know, so let's have pasta. Or sandwiches. When I took that stuff out of the equation, I had to work a lot harder to come up with meals that felt substantial. But then, at the same time I had to cut out most meat, beans and lentils, and cut back on tofu. There's not much left! I pretty much eat rice, veggies, fish and eggs now (obvs, that's not all, but sometimes it feels like it). And sometimes it just feels like it's not much food. When I could rely on a big plate of pasta or crusty homemade bread or a big sandwich, it felt like I was getting more.
    But now that I'm more used to it, I can think of more meals to make that don't fall back on grains. So you'll be stretching in some good ways when you cut out gluten.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  19. #39469
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    You know I do think that abusers know who they can get away with stuff with. MIL's second husband was abusive. They were together oh about the first 2-3 years I was with DH so I did know him and spend time with him. I later found out he trashed talked me when I wasn't there....but when I was around (DH lived at home...we were young back than!...so it was a lot that we hung out there), he was fine with him. I think he sensed that number one, I was NOT going to put up with his BS and two, that if he ever tried anything, my Dad would have kicked his a$$. My dad is a big strong guy, especially 15 years ago when he was only in his middle/upper 40's. My dad never said anything when they met him....but he was bigger and stronger and younger. He's mostly a pretty gentle easy going shy guy....except when it comes to his girls.

    I am thinking that this guy is a sleaze and bad man....but unless it's a total idiot, he's got to realize that your girls are off-limits and that he couldn't get away with it.
    Quote Originally Posted by pepperlru View Post
    You are doing a great job gathering information on this, Chrissy. It must be so stressful and worrisome. But I agree with Jennifer -- the guy will probably know enough to stay away from your girls from now on (not that it's much of a comfort that he'll try to find more vulnerable prey -- ugh! but hopefully he'll get his butt tossed to him soon enough).

    Jennifer, I'm sorry about Cosmo. Hope her leg is doing better today. Good luck with the gluten break. I think even those of us who aren't intolerant do tend to rely too heavily on wheat sometimes. Luckily, there are tons of other options out there now. And it's so true that grains are a habit -- they're so easy and filling that I know sometimes I have not realized how much I'm depending on them. I cut back a ton on wheat and other grain products (bread, pasta, cereal etc) recently and I really had to think more about well-rounded, filling meals.
    I hope you guys are right. It is comforting to know you think so too. That's really all I have is hope nothing will happen.

    Sorry about Cosmo and good luck with the diet change. It will likely be tough in the beginning but it really does get easier with time.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  20. #39470

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    Jennifer, one of the symptoms of gluten intolerance is that you crave it.

  21. #39471
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Jennifer, one of the symptoms of gluten intolerance is that you crave it.
    That is so bizarre.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  22. #39472
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    I know how much it adds up. I have done WW off and on for a while and days I had spaghetti (or something similar), my points were way up there and over the daily amount. And I get 42 points a day! That would be hard to cut that much at once. I don't eat fish but we do a fair amount of chicken/pork/beef. And cheese....I'm a Wisconsin girl and almost everything is better with some cheese.

    Bridget I have heard that. My ultimate comfort meal is a big plate of buttered noodles. I rarely remember my dreams and got up this morning and remembered dreaming about gluten and pasta.
    What do you do for pizza crust?

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  23. #39473

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    There is a mix called Pamela's. One for pizza, pie crust, bagels and one for pancakes and muffins and such. It's not the same, not as good imo but it lets us eat those things.

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    Okay, so what the heck is buttered noodles (just butter and plain pasta?)? I hear that kids like to eat those too, but never had it myself.

  25. #39475
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    Yup you cook some noodles, drain them, melt some butter on them. Sometimes a bit of salt, sometimes I top with a little parm cheese. Growing up, we ate that as a side dish probably 3 times a week most weeks. Plus a spaghetti night. And a mac and cheese night. The other night was pizza. My sister loves noodles even more than I do. The only thing I don't like is pasta salads mostly because I don't like mayo or miracle whip.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    I adore buttered noodles with some grated cheese mixed in. Mmm.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Yup you cook some noodles, drain them, melt some butter on them. Sometimes a bit of salt, sometimes I top with a little parm cheese. Growing up, we ate that as a side dish probably 3 times a week most weeks. Plus a spaghetti night. And a mac and cheese night. The other night was pizza. My sister loves noodles even more than I do. The only thing I don't like is pasta salads mostly because I don't like mayo or miracle whip.
    That sounds good, but not good for you, I guess.

  28. #39478

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    Jen, pardon me for just being ignorant, but do you still "have" what they did to you for your gastric bypass? I mean, if they modified your body in some way, does your body still possess the modifications, or did they do something to reverse it after you lost all that weight?

    I think I could be a world-champion pasta eater. When we do have it, it's very hard to not go back for more. I'll bet I could eat a half a lb with no problem. I do tend to get an itch in the back of my throat when I have it, though, so I've always wondered if that's a sign of intolerance. In general, I've lately been trying to get more protein (30-40%) in my diet, and that has naturally helped me cut down on the number of grains I eat. I do love my grains. Lately, I've been totally mad for farro. It's like a nutty-flavored grain that's a little more dense than oatmeal. I used it to make a "farrotto" (instead of risotto), and it was heavenly.

    I have the book "The Wheat Belly" and plan to get to it one of these days.

    With all this talk about GF and grains, you reminded me to try this cauliflower pizza crust that everyone's been raving about. I love cauliflower, so m'be I'll try making it tomorrow. There are tons of recipes if you Google for it, but I think I'll attempt this one: http://dearcrissy.com/cauliflower-pizza-crust-recipe/

  29. #39479

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    Kate, I'm loving the new siggy pic of Josh. He's looking very handsome. Bodhi's all about Angry Birds Star Wars (thanks to his classmates). Bet he & Josh would have fun playing for hours. Bodhi does this funny thing now, where he makes "eyebrows" out of his hands (like an angry bird) and pretends to be mad at you.

    On a related note, when we were in Nicaragua, we woke up to breakfast one morning, and the guesthouse we were in was playing the latest King Kong movie (with Naomi Watts) on the TV. Bodhi got sucked into it when he saw Kong fighting off the dinosaurs. I thought it was too violent/mature for him, but I really couldn't stop him from watching it and DH didn't seem to mind it as long as he was there to talk with B about it. So then DH got sucked into it, and I ended up going out and reading on a hammock while the two of them finished off the movie. Afterwards, because they got thru King Kong together, DH concluded that Bodhi is ready for Star Wars. DH has been poised and excited to share Star Wars ever since the day B was born. So I don't know about that yet (at what age did some of you show it to your kids?), but DH did go ahead and tell B the story of Star Wars. It was kind of cute. We had to walk 25 min on a dark dirt road to meet up for dinner with another family we'd met, so we all had our headlamps and flip-flops on and marched on over to them. DH hoisted Bodhi up on his shoulders and told him more and more of the story in each direction. Of course, he started with, "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away..." Bodhi was hypnotized by the story. When DH stopped telling the story for the night (after walking both ways and lying down with him at bedtime for more storytelling), Bodhi cried and pleaded with us to continue. So any time after that where we had time to kill, DH told B more of the story. I was able to fill in a few details here and there when I could remember them (like that the cantina on Tatooine where they first met Chewy and Han was in Mos Eisley), but I have a lot of details mixed up. Guess I'll have to watch the movie with them whenever we show it to him. I have a feeling it's going to be soon. DH simply cannot wait.

    ETA: Gretchen/Janet - I sent you a PM about Facebook. Please check your inboxes.
    Last edited by demigraf; 03-14-2013 at 05:34 PM.

  30. #39480

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    Thanks Myles! He loves Angry Birds Star Wars too. Too funny about the eyebrows!

    Josh has seen the first (oldest, I mean) Star Wars movie. He liked it, but now he and DH watch The Clone Wars together which is similarly themed but cartoon-style (actually really pretty animation).

    I use the website commonsensemedia.org to kind of gauge (why does that always look wrong?) if Josh is ready for something. Of course, every kid is different. That site rates all 6 star wars movies as good for age 8+ except age 11 for one of them (Revenge of the Sith, I think). I think the site rates kind of high. They rate the superhero cartoons Josh watches as appropriate for age 8 and the Clone Wars too. Anyway, I just think if it's not going to give him nightmares or make him think it's okay to go around shooting people and since we are always present to talk about issues like violence, he can handle it.

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