Secular Confessions

[Cosmosmom]

OMG that is so cute about vampire kitty. Are you going to buy more of that food for her since she loves it so much?

The roads are pretty nasty by me but it's been snowing since yesterday afternoon. Out of my department of five people, three of us stayed home today. One of the two that went in lives about a block away so he sometimes just walks in if he doesn't have to travel offsite.

That makes a lot of sense about the language and changing it up to the audience. I definitely do that. Most everyone I know isn't really high up there in education. I was first in my family to graduate college....dh was first in his. I work a good deal with the public and many of the patients aren't higher level educated. So much of my daily talking to people isn't with those with say masters degrees. Exception would be the nurses and I do change it up with them. But if I used fancy language with my family, they laugh at me. I used modernity once and my dad thought I was making it up. Just this weekend I used negate and they were like, wow, big words (joking). And I just don't use that language with my sister...she has graduate level work under her belt but I am generally too busy telling her she is a dork or something. LOL

So we pulled into the mall parking lot this weekend and went to park near my favorite entrance. I looked around and said, boy this is all parked up today. To which my parents busted out laughing. They said they never heard that before. So now I am trying to figure out if I made this up or if it is something regional that I have picked up. I have been here over 6 years now and have noticed that I'm picking up some of the local accent and words. Like, "oh yeah" "don'tcha know" "eh".

[Bridget]

Kate, I feel like the uneducated one of the bunch!

Sawyer is sleeping now so going to see how he is feeling when he wakes up. Dr called back and said that should try to give it until tomorrow since the roads are so awful. If he gets worse I will have to take him to urgent care here in town. It's times like this that I am especially glad we are still breastfeeding since he is not eating at all, but still nursing and it soothes his cough as well.

[Suja]

Poor little guy! I didn't realize that you guys were in the midst of a storm. This must be the same one that's supposed to dump upwards of 5" for us here (In March. In Virginia. We haven't had ANY appreciable snow all winter long).

[pepperlru]

Re: the grammar thing ... I wasn't going to comment, but L hit it on the head, I think. As a former newspaper editor, it was drilled into me that above all, writing should be easy to understand. This is important in newspapers because people are skimming, and if they get caught on "sticky" writing -- unfamiliar words, grammar that is technically correct but difficult to parse, or unusual abbreviations -- they'll stop reading. I consider the same concept to be true in forum posts, blogs and personal emails, though mostly just because it's nicer to read writing when it's in a natural speaking tone. I personally would not abbreviate percentile to %ile, for example, because while it may be correct, it's harder to read. Something like "80th%ile" would probably catch my eye for a good 15 seconds. I'd probably just write it out instead to "80th percentile," but if I were in the middle of a discussion where it was obvious people were using "80%" to mean the same thing, I'd probably follow suit so we were all communicating effectively and on the same level.
(By the by, re: the space after a period topic -- for the same reason as above, I learned at the newspaper to only use one space after a period. It makes for quicker reading.)

The vampire kitty story is hilarious! Sneaky little thing. Our old cat -- the one I mentioned earlier who passed this year at 21 -- for the last few years of her life would only eat Friskies. She hated all of the expensive/better quality food we tried to give her. Eventually we just gave in, because I figured she was near the end of her life and should enjoy herself, kind of like a 90 year old woman who likes cigars and whiskey. What are you gonna do?

I didn't know what SCUBJIA means, but I thought about it for a while, and this is what I came up with: Still Catching Up But Jumping In Anyway. Is that right?

Mandy, you're right about the concordance -- though in my mom's case, what she wanted was a bible that included a concordance (generally, the references go down the middle of the page). She's been a bible study group leader/big kahuna for more than 20 years, so to her, not having one around the house is like not having table salt. And probably she has gifted me more than one over the years, so from her perspective, me not having one about for off-the-cuff verse lookup is quite significant, and I know it bothered her. Still, the exaggeration of it to my dad was what irked me. It was as if I walked around the house in a bathing suit and she complained that I was "buck naked," if that makes sense. Not that it should even matter, but it was the fact that it obviously to her was a matter for complaint such that she needed to exaggerate that drove me batty.

Good healing vibes to both Sawyer and Conner. I've always thought coughs were really scary. I hope they both heal up quickly and that it is not pertussis, pneumonia, or another serious illness beginning with P (or any other letter).

[missychrissy]

I didn't know what SCUBJIA means, but I thought about it for a while, and this is what I came up with: Still Catching Up But Jumping In Anyway. Is that right?

Oh, you're good. I didn't even know what it meant (I could never remember even though I read it 100000 times when they were talking about it!) and I'm pretty sure you're right! lol

I agreed with everything else you said.

[missychrissy]

Oh, and I forgot to say--I don't want to hear any one of you ever talk about feeling uneducated again!! (I'm using my mom voice here!). We all have our areas of expertise, but intelligence-wise I think we're all equal. We don't have a dummy among us.

[Bridget]

I agree, Chrissy. Y'all are the most intelligent-in-the-ways-that-matter group of women I know.

[Cosmosmom]

I agree too! In my other places and many other times, I will admit to thinking, OMG what an idiot or some other not very nice thing. But NEVER in this room.

Yes Suja we are getting hit with winter storm saturn right now. I don't know about Bridget but we are expecting 8-10 inches by me. It was supposed to be closer to 12 earlier today/late last night but they decreased the amounts a little.

Bridget, my parents were in your town Friday on the way up to me. Mom wanted to visit the sewing store there that she gets catalogs from. Mom cannot believe how expensive sewing has gotten...even with getting patterns and material on coupons/sales...it's an expensive hobby!

[daylilies]

Yes well, if any of you wants to become more intelligent about new kids on the block, you know where to find me.

Bridget, I look up to you because you're a great mom and a patient partner to your dbf. You know how to be rational and remove yourself from situations that would drive me batty and I wouldn't be able to hold in my frustration. You're not a raving lunatic to your dbf when he's being an idiot. You explain things rationally to him and then you come vent to us. I honestly strive to be more like you (and all you other ladies) but I don't think I'm doing very well!

[missychrissy]

Bridget, you do have wonderful parenting/relationship advice. Everyone here offers something and I've learned a bit from each one of you. I'm not just saying that either. It's why I keep coming back.

[Gwenn]

Gretchen, you are exactly right about SCUBJIA! I am stunned you guessed it so quickly. And I really do understand why you were so annoyed by your mother's reaction. I would have been frustrated, too.

Really, we don't have an "uneducated one" in here. I have never looked at this group of women and felt that there was anyone out of place. We have an amazing and special crowd. And Kate, I'm being serious here so don't think I'm sarcastic, if I ever do go back to writing my silly story about the girl who falls in love with the rock star, you are my go-to girl for research. No one else could fill your shoes!

So while I'm on the subject, anyone else watching American Idol this year?

[Suja]

My coworker found out that her mom's cancer is likely, malignant melanoma. If that's what it is, prognosis is poor. They've sent it to Hopkins for confirmation. Seriously, 2013 can FOAD.

[Gwenn]

Suja, I am SO sorry.

[Cosmosmom]

Suja that is just awful. Cancer truly sucks. My sister is going through that with one of her good friends.....poor girl is just 24 yrs old and got married over the summer. Hubby got a job in Japan so they went for a few years. Nov. she finds out that she has a very rare cancer and there are like 20 cases in the literature. Had a round of chemo and radiation and surgery complete with colostomy and gearing up for another round of chemo. Tumor is shrinking but she was given a 25% 5 yr survival rate. And it's hard to be overseas dealing with this....no family and friends there to support. But on the other hand, it's been way cheaper doing this there and here she likely wouldn't have even had insurance yet. hearing about things like this makes me feel really grateful for my life and how good things are.

[missychrissy]

Oh Suja, that's terrible.

So while I'm on the subject, anyone else watching American Idol this year?

I was trying to, but forgot about it. Is it on the Tues/Wed schedule? It seems like they start like that and then switch to Wed/Thur. I really have a hard time remembering when it's on. No one has really stood out to me yet, but maybe someone will when there are only 12 or so of them.

[missychrissy]

Jennifer, that's awful too.

I probably shared it here, but I can't remember for sure. I just learned that one of the therapists that had been married right before I was laid off lost her husband the following year to cancer. He learned he had it very soon after their wedding and he was gone in a year. She was maybe 28-ish at the time. Not yet 30.

[daylilies]

Jennifer and Suja, I'm so sorry to hear of your acquaintances who are affected by cancer. I'm not watching Idol this year but I think they are still on the T/W/Th schedule. Mandy, you've just reminded me I never did finish your story. Another reason why I suck. I honestly have not read anything in a very long time. But I have um, delved into a little story of my own about a relationship between a girl and one of her idols. Guess who it's based on! So you can ask me anything. And if you send me that story again, I pinky promise you I will read it this time. I've got nothing but time these days.

[Gwenn]

It has been on W/Th but this is the first week of live shows and apparently it's on tonight. I think they will be doing T/W/Th for a little while until they vote a few people off.

Kate, I haven't worked on it in years. I was so proud of parts of it and after a few years I don't think it's holding up to what I hoped it would be. It has some good moments, and some awful. Needs a LOT of work. So maybe I should do a little polishing before I share it!

I'm trying to write again but right now it's back to the drawing board just to get the energy going. Once I get in a writing groove maybe I'll give it another chance.

[daylilies]

Okay, just share away when you're ready.

[3andMe]

I'm very sorry, Suja. I don't know if the melanoma vaccines are available to most people yet, but they have shown a lot of promise in trials and should be available in certain centers, at least. They can be effective in advanced melanoma.

I was impressed with the figuring out of SCUBJIA, also. I was here when it was coined, and I still don't always remember it when I see it.

I always learn a lot from all of you. Everyone has unique skills, knowledge and talents. I think one of the more important things I've learned is that I take what I learn here, from this varied group of people who all have a lot to offer, and realize that everyone I meet out there on the streets, in shops, in the alleys, in the school yard, has a unique perspective and something to offer that may not be readily apparent. Obviously we skew to the educated and employed in this forum and subforum (the requirements of having internet access and being able to read and type are enough to keep out some people), but just being able to talk and listen to people who may not be in my typical group of friends has broadened my perspective a lot, and I think has made me more inclined to be forgiving of a lot.

More after bedtime, if I want to do it instead of our taxes.

[Krystal5]

Suja, I'm so sorry... Cancer is awful. Your 2013 has started off horribly, I hope that that means you are getting all the nasty stuff done now, and the rest will be amazing!

I'm impressed with you figuring out SCUBJIA, too! I was told what it is, and doubt I would have ever figured it out...

I love all you ladies! I often feel like the... most childish here. In my old NET in the TTC forum, we were looking for stuff to distract us, and kind of went with something like a smiley war... We each tried to use more smilies than the last, until we hit the limit. Before that, I NEVER used them, and now I find myself torn between my old ways of using lots, and my really old ways of hating them, hah! I also love to scatter pictures everywhere. Yeah, the least mature, for sure! I guess that ties in with what you all were saying about matching your language and typing to the situation.

Mandy, I used to love to write! Never got more than a few short stories, though, because I don't have the attention span to write long ones. If you write more, share it with us!

Boy, this is a long two weeks. I mean, I knew it would be, with my dog not being able to go on walks, and the 2ww. But we also haven't been doing as much as usual- partially becauase I'm tired, partially because I'm trying to take it easy to help the odds of my IUI working, and partially because Maiya has a little cold. So it's been slow! I was just thinking we should go out to a farmer's market tomorrow morning and then the zoo tomorrow- and then I remembered it's supposed to rain! I know we desperately need the rain, but I want only rain at night time, haha.

And, I'm thinking of buying my first ever quarter beef! So like, a whole quarter of a cow. Buying grass fed beef is expensive, and this is one of the cheapest ways to do it that I've found. I'm so excited! It's a lot of money up front, but worth it, I think. I'd even get the bones to make beef broth, mmm... Is it weird that I'm excited about something like this???

[Gwenn]

Ooh, Janet, tired is good news! I was going to ask how you were feeling. For me, exhaustion after my IUI has always been a good thing.

[Krystal5]

Aw, thank you! I keep telling myself it's too early to be a good sign (not a bad sign, either, of course!), plus it could easily be just the trigger shot messing with my hormones still. But I will take any good news I can!!

I am feeling ok. Tired, like I said, and a bit nauseous and sensitive to smells... All pregnancy symptoms, of course, but probably psychosomatic, or at least from the trigger. But... maybe not!!

[Gwenn]

As far as writing goes, I have always dabbled in writing but became serious years ago when I dated The Author. A real one, actually, although a struggling, mid-list, genre fiction writer whose latest contract had just been cancelled. He does have a fan-base out there, though. For some reason he thought I had potential and spent most of our relationship trying to get me to write something huge and commercially successful. I think the moment he realized that nagging me about it led to me doing absolutely nothing was the moment our relationship began to deteriorate (at least from his perspective). After that ended, I wrote precisely nothing for some time, followed by my choosing a new career path and writing nothing but research papers and speech reports for the years I finished my degree and went through grad school. Pretty much sucked any creativity out of me completely.

After I got out of school and started working in my field I realized I had two full months off every summer, and decided it was pretty much inexcusable for me not to be writing something. I got back into it again, and this time with what appeared at the time to be a Great Idea. I wrote almost 1/4 of a novel and have shared it with a few people who all say positive things about it. When DH deployed, I found it too difficult to write, however, and then when he came back we started fertility treatments, which once again have sucked every ounce of creativity out of my soul. I'm trying to pick it up again on a mission to feel better and regain some of my former, goal-oriented, positive life but it's an uphill battle. I'm sure you can relate.

[Gwenn]

That darn trigger always messes with my head. It's so hard to know. Still, for me exhaustion has started way early every time.

[Krystal5]

Oh yes, I can relate, both to school and research papers and reports sucking your creativity, and STC draining it, too. I pretty much haven't written anything since I got in to Berkeley.

But, I think that if you can find it in you to write, it probably would be good for you. Maybe start with a short story? Of course, that's easy for me to say, since that's all I've written! I keep thinking I should, too, and actually sat down at my computer, probably last summer, I think, and started to write something. But then I got distracted, and haven't started again since!

Yes, I hate the trigger. It's torture knowing that if I POASed now, it would be positive. Tease!! We shall see... We shall see!

[pepperlru]

I've been thinking about you, Janet. Hoping this is your month. It must be such torture to wait!

I'm sorry about the cancer diagnosis, Suja. Cancer is just so scary. It's so amazing what they can do now, and survival rates have skyrocketed so far for some of the cancers that I think sometimes we get complacent and it becomes more difficult to deal with the ones that are still lethal. I thought about it a lot this fall when I was in the middle of testing, since various blood cancers were the most likely diagnosis for my condition... and the ones that were most likely were also not very treatable. I would look at my children, especially the little one who still needs mama so much, and my husband and just feel terrified at the thought of abandoning them. It was like standing on a cliff and looking down. I feel so much more now for people who have gotten the bad news I didn't. (Just to be clear, since I still don't have a diagnosis, cancer is still in the cards ... they can't rule it out completely. But the fact that they found no clear sign of it in my marrow biopsy is a good thing, and I was able to stop worrying every day about the possibility of having to leave my girls so much sooner than I want to.)

[Gwenn]

I think that has been the most difficult thing about STC. For years, I had a goal, whether it was to get through school or find a good job (or a better job) or buy a house or write a book or what have you. Whatever it was, it was something I could work toward and see success even in small steps (an A on a paper, or another chapter written, or something). But with STC, you set a goal and then watch yourself fail to reach it over and over. And when you know you are doing everything in your power to make it happen and it still isn't happening - it's just so hard to accept.

[Krystal5]

Thank you Gretchen! And yes, yes it is. Especially when I am not doing as much as usual. I'm a glutton for punishment, I guess, doing this to myself!

Cancer scares are no fun... But I'm so glad that your marrow biopsy at least is clear. I so hope you get a good answer and easy solution to this soon!!

And, Mandy, yes. It's the repeated failures. Every single month, whether you NPP or STC or somewhere in between, you WANT it to work, and every single time, you get a very painful (literally, stupid AF) reminder that, once again, your best isn't good enough. Ugh. Yes, maybe it's time to start writing stories again!!

[3andMe]

I never did get back to finish up what I was going to say. And you guys have been having all of these deep conversations and I have to go to bed but I just wanted to say that S. was in the bathroom with me today and pointed out that I have a big butt. I said, "Well, maybe, but you could perhaps notice some other things instead of the size, because that won't win you points with the ladies later on. You could say, 'You have a nice butt.'"

(Sorry about the b-word, those of you who don't like it.)

He said, "But it IS big. It's not nice, it's big."

I said, "Well, if you're trying really hard to go for accurate descriptions, how about smooth? Or white? That's a little better. And may still be better down the road than telling people they have big butts. Commenting on the size of people or body parts is something that you need to be sensitive about."

He insisted, "No, I really want to say it's big. You have a big butt, Mommy. My butt is little, and yours is big." He pointed at both of ours for emphasis.

I told DH about this later, and he reminded me about how DD told him last night that he was going to die when she grew up, so all things being equal, a big butt was better than an early grave.