Secular Confessions

[missychrissy]

Good luck with the house Suja.

I'm sorry you're having troubles sleeping Myles. I'm back to that again too.

I would do this too... and TBH, I'd probably get a little passive aggressive satisfaction out of being able to share my story, gain sympathy, etc.

I couldn't do that at all. Like I said, it's a very tight-knit group that has been meeting for years and I do not want to throw a wrench in what they have. Even though it's not me that caused the strife, I would definitely be making it worse by calling one member to whine about another. Besides soothing my own ego, I can't see any good that would come of calling Bernie (or any of the others) about this and I've decided to just let it drop. I'll have to trust Judy is as I remember her, and if she did call any of them about me prior, she immediately called them after I spoke with her.

[missychrissy]

Chrissy - that's a terrible accusation to make. I was unjustly accused of theft three times in my life and it still makes me so angry and upset to think about it. I would have a hard time being around that woman again. I might check in privately with the woman who initially invited you to let her know what's up, see if perhaps this kind of thing is normal and let her know why you might not want to do the sleepover thing.

And Katy, I'm stunned anyone ever accused you of stealing, much less 3 times. In a way, that does make me feel better because if anyone could dream up such ridiculousness to accuse you of, then perhaps it's not quite such a shocker than someone did it to me.

[demigraf]

I couldn't do that at all. Like I said, it's a very tight-knit group that has been meeting for years and I do not want to throw a wrench in what they have. Even though it's not me that caused the strife, I would definitely be making it worse by calling one member to whine about another. Besides soothing my own ego, I can't see any good that would come of calling Bernie (or any of the others) about this and I've decided to just let it drop. I'll have to trust Judy is as I remember her, and if she did call any of them about me prior, she immediately called them after I spoke with her.

I know what you mean. I wouldn't want to foment drama in the group. On the other hand, you have the right to ask, especially if you're ever worried about her causing problems for you in the future. You're definitely taking the high road.

[missychrissy]

Well, I talked to Faye at work and between what she said and what y'all said, I decided to call Bernie. I've already emailed her and will be calling her tonight after work. Ugh. I hate this, but it probably needs to be done.

[Suja]

FWIW, I think you're doing the right thing, Chrissy. You don't know what she has shared with the others, and it would be good to at least put it out there privately that you are (of course) not responsibile, but also that you are concerned for her well-being.

[Suja]

Yet another one of my friends has lost her old dog. She was one for the ages, the grande dame of dogdom.

So many people and dogs, all gone, and it's only March. 2013 can die a fiery death.

[missychrissy]

My kid's dog Brutus isn't doing too well either.

[Suja]

Sorry to hear that, Chrissy. Sometimes, I wonder if we're being selfish by keeping Khan alive. But, he still eats with gusto, even snarks at Pan and Finn if they get too close to his grub, and enjoys laying out in the sun and snoozing. I'm not sure if that's a good enough quality of life or not. I just hope to do right by him.

[missychrissy]

That decision is a really tough one. Rich brought it up over the weekend and I told him I didn't want any part of that decision at all. I'm not there enough to see what all is going on. I feel kinda mean, but Rich really has to start making some decisions on his own.

[girlwonder]

I'm sorry, Suja. I think that as long as he isn't in a lot of pain all the time, and still enjoys his life over half the time then there isn't anything wrong with choosing to keep him alive. He's got all the great things a dog wants - food, naps in the sun and other dogs to interact with. I would also measure it, too on if the dog/cat stops eating. That tells me they aren't interested in being around much anymore.

Chrissy - the theft accusations were so awful. In 5th grade, someone from my girl scout troop stole my girl scout cookie money on the day we were supposed to turn it in and the troop leaders accused me of spending it. In 8th grade I was a page at the state capital, so one of 15 or so 8th graders in a small class and someone stole money from someone else and put it in my wallet so it would look like I stole the money. It was so terrible I couldn't believe it - I still feel like no one believed me, even my mom. And then my first job out of school I had a co-worker who told several volunteers with our organization that I stole money so that I should never be allowed to handle money. I got her fired soon thereafter because I caught her doing work for another organization using our copiers/paper (essentially stealing, so hoisted on her own petard.) I guess I have been hanging around the wrong kind of people.

[missychrissy]

Oh man, those do sound awful. Especially the one where they put the money in your wallet. I can totally see kids being that mean and thinking they're clever and funny. It's really sad to think even your own mom might not have totally believed you. I gotta say, that would be hard even for me. I always remind myself that while I have great kids, they're not immune to being sh!theads. I'm not sure how I'd react to that scenario. Something to think about, because anything is possible.

[Suja]

Just got back from another ear check for Finn. Still has an ear infection, although it is much improved. Vet says he must've had it for years. She also thinks it possible that his jaw was broken at some point, because it doesn't align properly. And his teeth are an abscess waiting to happen, so I'm trying to get a cardiologist appointment in sooner rather than later. Oh, and she thinks that maybe he has a poultry allergy that is contributing to the ear infection, so no more rotisserie chicken. Now he really will want to run away from home.

[pepperlru]

Chrissy, that's so awful about the credit card and the bookclub. You're handling it so graciously, but I'm sorry you even have to go through it. I can imagine how horrifying and offensive it must have been to be accused. I hope it all gets smoothed out, but I know for me it would be hard to be around someone who thought that way about me. I can see why you don't want to give up the group, though. I hope you find support from the other ladies.

Katy, that sucks about you being accused falsely, too! Ugh, teenage and kid stuff is the worst.

Suja, I'm sorry about Khan and his ongoing troubles. We had to say goodbye to one of our cats n September. She had just turned 21. The quality of life thing was something we talked about all the time from about age 17 on. We looked at it like you do -- she still had some spit & vinegar, she still enjoyed her food and a good cuddle and pet. She became incontinent, which was a big hassle for us but we didn't feel like it was right to end her life because it was inconvenient for us. So we asked each other all the time, "How will we know when it's time?" Above all, I didn't want her to suffer. And then over the summer she just seemed to get more and more fragile, and tired, and seemed to enjoy her days less and less. And dh and I both saw right around the same time that she was ready. It was clear. It was still very, very sad, and fulfilling that responsibility is the hardest one I think we have as pet custodians. But the point is that we wondered for years if we would know -- and in the end, we did know. Oh, and I hope Finn's health improves.

[pepperlru]

Update on us: I don't get on much on weekends, but I hope everyone had a pleasant one.

My mother came to visit last week. It was nice to see her and especially to get a little break and have someone else to help with dishes and play with Noe, but it's also always a little stressful. She is very religious and conservative, and she also is very outspoken about her religious views but gets easily upset and takes it personally if someone has different views. So we all tend to spend her visits smiling blandly and keeping our real thoughts behind our teeth. It can be tiring. We had this weird incident where she asked me for a specific kind of bible (a concordance) that she wanted to do her bible study. I happened to have two bibles on my bookshelf (both were there for sentimental reasons and not because we actually use them). Neither of them was the kind she wanted, and she made a point of asking me if I had a concordance. I said I didn't think so, or if I did it was still in a box somewhere in the back of our garage. I could tell she was bothered by it but tried to play it off. Then later that night I heard her on the phone to my dad, saying, "Well, you know, Gretchen doesn't even have a bible out."
I was really annoyed by that and complained to dh. I said I was annoyed by the way she always has to get that dig in about my lack of religion -- I know she and my dad talk about it all the time and that bugs me. But I was also annoyed that she had exaggerated it to my dad, saying I didn't have a bible out, because I actually did have one, just not the kind she wanted. And dh was like "Why do you even care about that? You're not religious. You don't care about having a bible." And I'm not really sure why it bugged me that she said I didn't when I actually did. Except that I'll probably never get over the feeling that I have to prove myself to her.

But anyway, she's gone home now, and we're all good. And she did all of Noe's laundry and organized her room, so that's very nice, and I feel somewhat refreshed after having had a little help. Dh has about 3 weeks left on his crazy crunch time, and we're all counting the days. It's 2.5 weeks until my consultation at ucsf and, hopefully, a treatment plan, and I'm looking forward to getting that going. DD1 finished her big French project, and although she has to show it to the whole school, I'm trying not to be too embarrassed. The crayola marker mustache came off, anyway.

Oh, and Myles -- after you made that comment about Errol Flynn I got to thinking about him and wondering how he died. I don't know why, but I always wonder that about celebrities. Holy crap crackers. That debonair, swashbuckling, hard-drinking Jake Barnes-esque lifestyle sure has a downside. Dude had heart disease, malaria, chronic tuberculosis, cirrhosis of the liver, diverticulitis, chronic back pain, drug addiction (including heroin!), alcoholism, and "numerous venereal diseases." Kinda makes me feel fit as a fiddle! If that guy made it to 50, I'm golden... blood disorder/genetic disease be darned.

FWP of the week: I took a yoga class from a new teacher over the weekend. She was mean and I cried. But I spent an hour or so having conversations with her in my head wherein I told her exactly what I thought of her, and now I feel much better.

[missychrissy]

FWP of the week: I took a yoga class from a new teacher over the weekend. She was mean and I cried. But I spent an hour or so having conversations with her in my head wherein I told her exactly what I thought of her, and now I feel much better.

Sorry your mom had to be so annoying with her religion and your lack of a perfect bible. I hope you had an overall good time despite that. I think the bible comment would have annoyed me too.

[Gwenn]

Hi, everyone. SCUBJIA, but I just had to come in here to get something off my chest.

Public service announcement:
Percent is abbreviated %
Percentile is abbreviated %ile

They are NOT the same thing. There is no such thing as "The X%."

Thank you. That felt good.

[Suja]

Whaddaya mean, Mandy, there is no The 90%?

Gretchen, I'd be annoyed as well, with the distortion of facts. And what's wrong with the yoga instructor? They are SO not supposed to make others feel bad like that. She doesn't sound like she would be a good teacher.

[missychrissy]

I've never even seen X%

I just got off the phone with Bernie (my therapist/bookclub friend). I told her what happened and she was just stunned. And she herself apologized profusely because she said they'd all seen little things here and there with Judy that made them worry, and even discussed whether or not to warn me that Judy wasn't quite herself any more...but they didn't really have anything concrete either and all could have been written off as nothing. They've kinda just been watching her carefully. Bernie said this is big, though, and clearly something needs to be said to her family now. She's taking the initiative and emailing the group. She assured me no one would think for one minute that I'd actually done that.

I feel bad for Judy but vastly relieved for myself. I'm hoping Bernie is right. Whatever it is may be in the early stages and if she gets on medication perhaps she'll be herself again for a number of years to come.

[missychrissy]

Whaddaya mean, Mandy, there is no The 90%?

If that's what you're saying, Mandy, then I'm just gonna remind you that you didn't think calendaring was a word either.

[Gwenn]

Well, there is The 99%, but that's another matter entirely. ;). There is no The 90%.

Gretchen, I'm glad you got everything straightened out with the mean teacher in your head!

Chrissy, I'm glad you are going to talk to someone about this issue. I think you need to clear the air. If you do it in that light without undue drama, there is no reason you can't talk though your feelings. They're supposed to be therapists, for crying out loud! They should be able to handle an adult conversation about a legitimate concern!

[Gwenn]

I'm referring to the growth thread elsewhere on this site. Just glancing through it set my teeth on edge.

I'm SO glad you spoke to her.

[missychrissy]

Chrissy, I'm glad you are going to talk to someone about this issue. I think you need to clear the air. If you do it in that light without undue drama, there is no reason you can't talk though your feelings. They're supposed to be therapists, for crying out loud! They should be able to handle an adult conversation about a legitimate concern!

Oh that wasn't my concern at all. I didn't know they had concerns about Judy. For all I knew, they were a close little group that met monthly, had a yearly sleepover, and I was about to come in and have all this associated drama. They're all wonderful people, but like I said early on they haven't seen me in 8 years. Maybe I went off and became a lying con-artist. Stranger things have happened. If they had no other basis for concern regarding Judy, it really would have been an awful place for them to be in. If she never showed any signs to them that anything was wrong, and I arrived and said that stuff...I dunno, it just would have been uncomfortable. I didn't want to make things uncomfortable.

[missychrissy]

I'm referring to the growth thread elsewhere on this site. Just glancing through it set my teeth on edge.I'm SO glad you spoke to her.

Now I have to go investigate...

Me too. Now, I kinda feel foolish. I should have known how Bernie would react, even if she hadn't seen warning signs. Jill too would have been baffled, but wouldn't have assumed I'd stolen anything. Barb & Kandi too. Ugh-I just want to have one aspect of my life that doesn't have any ick in it. Is that really so much to ask? lol

[Gwenn]

I know what you mean ... But still, YOU didn't cause the drama. And as you now know, they had also seen signs of it. If you had never said anything, you may never have known they were all watching her and looking for a serious enough reason to talk to her family. And you might have wonderedmformyearsmwhat they were all thinking about you. So yes, you needed to get it out.

And back to the percentile thing, 80th% is just as bad. 80th%ile, thank you very much. Nails on a chalk board.

[Gwenn]

Ugh-I just want to have one aspect of my life that doesn't have any ick in it. Is that really so much to ask? lol

Yes, apparently it is.

[missychrissy]

I know what you mean ... But still, YOU didn't cause the drama. And as you now know, they had also seen signs of it. If you had never said anything, you may never have known they were all watching her and looking for a serious enough reason to talk to her family. And you might have wonderedmformyearsmwhat they were all thinking about you. So yes, you needed to get it out.And back to the percentile thing, 80th% is just as bad. 80th%ile, thank you very much. Nails on a chalk board.

You're hurting my head with all this math talk. lol

Now I'm feeling kinda silly for being hesitant to say anything. At least I feel better now and I know Bernadette is truly an amazing friend.

[missychrissy]

Yes, apparently it is.

I was being harsh. This secular zone has been my safety net for a good long while now. So I do have one aspect without ick. I shouldn't take it for granted.

[Gwenn]

Stats. Actually one of the most useful classes I have ever taken, as it provides some basis for interpreting the slew of numbers the media constantly throws at you. It was required for my major in college, but I don't think most people have to take it. It should be a requirement in high school as far as I'm concerned.

[Gwenn]

So ... Question. Have any of you ever seen a depressed three-year-old? In the absence of a major incident such as a death in the family?

[Suja]

I'm referring to the growth thread elsewhere on this site. Just glancing through it set my teeth on edge.

So *that* is what set it off! I totally missed it, and I'm normally part of the grammar police. Half the people don't even know there is a difference between percentage and percentile.