Secular Confessions

[Cosmosmom]

Chrissy I hope you feel better soon.
Yeah I think that we are all just sort of thinking out loud from personal experiences to maybe trigger or spark something that maybe wasn't tried or thought of or that worked for someone else. Just different perspectives. I will say that I DID get harsh. I think Dh would have gotten really bad if I hadn't been bossy and basically forced things. I really think I might have left him over it had he refused to do anything. I made his appt, drove him there a few times at first, told him he HAD to clean the house while I was at work (I was working full-time and in grad school part-time....he was doing neither so least he could do was the housework and errands). I praised him for everything....what a good job he did and how much it made my life easier. Said he had to get dressed and leave the apartment at least 5 days a week. He had to come out on walks with me and Cosmo when the weather was nice. I really believe that my taking a harsh approach with him helped snap him out of it and didn't allow the depression to get as deep as it could have.


Bridget, I kind of had a feeling that was the case. It's definitely sad for those kids but at least they have your cousin and aren't ending up stuck in foster care.

[missychrissy]

We just had a nice talk and she's receptive to my ideas. I told her I was going to be hard on her and that I thought maybe that's what she needed, was a kick in the ass to make her be motivated sometimes. She actually agreed with me. And I mentioned that I thought she should apply to one job a day, at least, and she'd already applied to Macys today.

She's not a bad person at all and I hope I'm not giving an inaccurate picture of her. Everyone that meets her, loves her. She's very sweet and with everyone else besides me, she's conscientious and caring. Well, today she was with me too and she said she's going to do the dishes. I smiled and said if she didn't, I'd be having a fit about it. She nodded and said, "I know" and smiled back.

At least she knows where I'm coming from. I'm sure she'll get in a mood and throw it back at me, but that's what depression does. I know that and can stand it as long as we are still able to communicate later.

[girlwonder]

I am glad you all were able to talk.

[missychrissy]

On top of everything else, we have squirrels in the crawl space above my living room and they've been digging like crazy all morning. One finally poked a hole through my ceiling. I've written the landlords (all our communication is done by email). What's really alarming is the hole is just over my natural gas heater that's built into the wall and drywall fell into that. It's stinking and I'm really becoming concerned about a fire.

It's always something with me, but why does it have to be squirrels chewing through my ceiling? WHO has that happen? One is going to kill me when I get up at night and see it scurry across my floor. I think I'll die right then and there.

[AmeriBrit]

That's great that you talked, Chrissy! Is Bobbie not going to college any more?

That's bad about the squirrels. I hope you get that sorted. Speaking of squirrels, we had a few as pets when I was growing up (yes, it was like the Clampetts at my house). They used to lick the bottoms of our feet because they liked the salt (or so we believed?) Yeah, I know that's random but I'm on my phib

[AmeriBrit]

*phone-lol

[Suja]

Chrissy, I'm glad you talked. It's a step in the right direction. And I hope you feel better soon.

As for the squirrel, I seem to recall you having a grandkitty. Doesn't it have to earn its keep?

[Suja]

Have you guys seen this?

http://www.abc4.com/content/news/top...ohrjqO9zA.cspx

The comments are interesting as well.

[Cosmosmom]

Chrissy I don't think that anyone thinks Bobbie is a bad person! It's not like she's just being a brat....depression is awful for those going through it and those of us who love someone going through it. I really hope that the kick in butt works for you guys.

But yeah that is crazy about the squirrels in the ceiling! I would be freaking out. And Ashley I cannot believe that you had some as pets! I didn't know people could do that. LOL In my city we actually have a known population of white squirrels. Freaked me about first time I saw one after we moved up here.

[Cosmosmom]

Suja that was interesting (actually on the view recently they did a story of a group of siblings torn apart as children oh like 60 years ago. one guy's landlords SEVEN year old son found the mans sister on FB....he was so cute on TV saying he wanted to find Eddies sister so he wouldn't be lonely).

A lot of those comments are the reasons why openness is so encouraged. The kids deserve to have as much information as possible. On the other hand, a birth parent also deserves to not be contacted and have it closed if that is what she wants....which is more rare with my agency.
I haven't gone through it yet but I was told that you get a birth certificate for the baby, if we request it. Around 6 or 7 months when we legally become the parents, we get a new birth certificate for our child listing us as the parents and the name we have given. My understanding is that if we don't request and keep the original one....it is virtually impossible to obtain later on.
We will likely have a decent amount of info on medical records and birth family....unless we are placed with a baby given up as a safe haven and with that situation you know literally nothing except where birth mom brought the baby in.

[girlwonder]

I had a squirrel as a pet, too, Ash! Us Southern gals I guess! It didn't last too long. I found it as a baby on the sidewalk after it fell out of it's nest. I had it for a couple of months but it finally died. His name was Babe.

[AmeriBrit]

We had a few, Katy. One grey one called Cassidy, and two red ones called Sundance and Poppy. They all lived quite awhile. We released Poppy in to the wild and he would come back and visit us every week for the longest time. We had a fox ad well. Those were our more unique pets.

[girlwonder]

Mine died while I was away with my dad on a ski trip. I have always suspected that my stepmother starved it.

[AmeriBrit]

Oh, Katy, that step mom of yours sounds truly wicked! I'm sorry you've had to live with her.

Some good news from us-dh got a promotion today! Well, he'll continue to do the same job, but the job has been regraded and the work he's been doing the past year has shown to his bosses that it's on a higher level than they thought! This is such a good boost for him, considering his previous boss was a duckhead who beat his confidence down. I'm really pleased for him!

[girlwonder]

Yay!

[Cosmosmom]

Yeah for Ashley's DH! That is great news!

[Bridget]

Awesome! That is wonderful news.
Those are some strange pets! Having a fox would be cool!

[Gwenn]

That's great news!

I may have shared in here before that I begged my parents for a pet squirrel but was told I couldn't have one. If I had know there were little girls out there that had actual squirrels as pets I would never have let my parents hear the end of it!

[daylilies]

Yay Ash!
I can't remember ever wanting a pet squirrel, but we always had cats, so it probably wouldn't have gone well anyway.

Suja, that is a great story. I always try to share or retweet that kind of stuff, because who knows? One person can make a difference.

[Suja]

We had pet squirrels too! We found 3 that had fallen out of a nest, and mama wouldn't come back, so we ended up with them. We had no idea how to care for them, and two managed to survive. They were eventually released into the wild, and one would come back and visit. Ball and Bubble, those were their names.

Mandy you wuz robbed!

Ash, that is terrific, about your DH's promotion! Congratulations!

[Gwenn]

Suja, I was! It's criminal.

[daylilies]

We rescued a baby squirrel a couple years ago but it didn't even occur to me to keep it. We just took it to the animal shelter. I'm sure it lived much longer that way than it would have with us!

[Ky'sMom]

Erin, so glad you are making time to come in here more. I have missed reading your posts. I forgot to tell you that when dbf travelled to Georgia (still wants to move there, btw) he stayed in a community where everyone drove golf carts and they even had created special roads for them. Kids drove them to school and everything. I cannot remember the name but it was something quaint and Georgia-esque. Have you heard of that area?

That is Peachtree City. It is a southern suburb that is pretty exclusive and expensive to live. I actually would never want to live there lol. I have been there before and it reminded me of that movie where everybody looks all happy all the time and then you find out they are demons lol. Plus it is pretty far away. I do think it is pretty down there, but I'd rather live in the more rural areas in that county than Peachtree City.

And Erin, that was me, thanks for filling me in! Sounds like a very interesting, but scary place... I guess the movie stars is a... perk? Bright side?

Hope you get to see the other famous guy! You have to let us know if you do- and hope you can talk to him this time.

Actually I am never afraid in my neighborhood. I am weird in that I don't think any one place is any more dangerous than another. Lots of people I know do think we should be afraid to live here but I have never had any problems and most of my neighbors are old people who have lived here for a long time. Plus I grew up rather poor and around drug dealers and other sorts of criminals (car thieves, prostitutes, drug addicts, etc.) and so these people don't really scare me. They really are just regular people and most of them are pretty nice and decent.

I remember one of Oprah's last shows where she has Lisa Ling on there and she visited San Quentin in CA, the prison and she said the most surprising and interesting thing about the prison was how nice the prisoners were, they were articulate and looked after her and helpful to her and very gentlemanly. That is basically how drug dealers act. In most neighborhoods that are considered bad, drug dealers aren't a big deal in regards to their every day behavior and they don't target people who aren't their customers and they don't bother anyone. Prostitutes don't either. The worst are the drug addicts since you cannot trust them as they are not in their right mind. They are the only people I am wary of as they are the ones who break in homes and such. But even they have stories - child memories they share with me, hopes and wishes about their desires to get off of drugs, advice to kids about not to go down the path they have traveled. So I'm not really afraid of them either, I just make sure they know I have a huge dog and that he lives in the house and all our neighbors and neighborhood characters know this as we have the biggest pit bull in the neighborhood so everyone stays away from our house. But overall I actually like my neighborhood. The old people fill me with all sorts of historical facts about the neighborhood, a couple of them were kids at the school or had kids at the school when it was bombed and they remember how scary it was. We are close to everything in the city. There is a new development less than a mile away that has a pottery studio and a 24 hour gym and a sewing shop where I take sewing lessons and all sorts of cool shops, coffee bars, an Italian deli, and specialty beer store (for DH) all of this within walking distance, so all in all, I think we live in a decent place. It could be prettier but it is nothing like it used to be. Back then when it was the drug and prostitution mall (people literally EVERYWHERE and surrounding cars selling flesh and drugs) it was pretty scary, but not anymore. It is more like a quiet not that great looking place. All the criminal activity left happens on one specific street, which is the street that is filmed most often. The second street that is filmed most often is my street because of the school. I live directly across from it and that is usually where they base production as there is a large parking lot at the school so we always get good views of productions there. One independent film that was made at the school did a lot of blowing up of things and pyrotechnics, which was awesome and the kids really liked it. The zombie show had some pyro as well that was exciting. And the not that great looking thing is not just in regards to my neighborhood in general, I personally think that the majority of Atlanta, no matter the demographics or economic situation is not that great looking save maybe 2 to 4 neighborhoods that are really nice and exclusive.

Erin

[Bridget]

Actually, I know what you mean Erin. I lived downtown Madison for years and got to know most of the homeless people and drug dealers. The main drug dealer that I knew of was very polite and friendly and he never scared me at all. In fact, I felt better if I saw him when I was walking because I knew he would look out for me as we always exhanged hellos for years. Also, a woman drug dealer lived in building next door to me for 2 years and she was actually really nice and would chat with us all the time when we were sitting on our front porch.

Yeah, I thought that town sounded so surreal. Are you talking about Pleasantville? Lol. Or the Stepford Wives? Because I thought both of those when he was telling me about it. I actually was sure he was exaggerating but sure enough I googled it after we got off the phone and he was pretty accurate.

This was the conversation him and I just had:
Him: Talktalktalktalktalktalk. Hold on (talks to someone else for a minute) TalktalkTalktalktalk.... so what did you guys do today?"
Me: Oh, it's really cold so...
Him: hold on (talk to someone else)
Him: Yeah, are you there? Oh, so I'm going to go work out and then have a drink and dinner and talk talktalktalktalk.
Me: I think a glass just broke, I better go. (and really it did)
The end.

[missychrissy]

Oh Bridget.

[3andMe]

We have had a huge increase in crimes and shootings in my area lately. One person was found shot dead nearby in mid-afternoon recently by someone walking her dog. I was thinking that could have been us, walking to our car (I mean the finders, not the dead person). Crime has gone up a lot in our area since the police essentially gave up and said they wouldn't respond to anything except a violent crime in progress. There were about 19 shootings in one weekend recently. I've been having to talk to my mom about safety a little more.

I cannot believe the number of you who had pet squirrels!

S. requested a bedtime story from the Dictionary for Children last night, so I read to him from the introductory section where it talked about the formation of languages and how English came to be, and how it's important that people in one area speak the same language instead of nonsense words so everyone knows what everyone else is talking about. After a couple of pages, and the end of the section, I asked him, "So, now do you know what language we're speaking?" and he said, "Yes, we say 'Hola'"

[missychrissy]

That is just incredible to me. I think of Binghamton as 'bad' and it's definitely gotten a lot worse, but there are less than 5 murders there a year. The 'record' was 14 when they did have a mass shooting that made national headlines. I can only think of 2 murders in my entire lifetime that occurred in the Owego area (where I live). There might have been 1 more, but I'm blanking out.

[Krystal5]

I never had a pet squirrel, but does a chinchilla count??? Man, I loved that little fluff ball...

Erin... Interesting you say you were never scared. I'm seldom scared of meeting people face to face, but what if it were your car they stole? Just because they are nice to you doesn't mean you're exempt from them robbing your house, does it? Well, I'm glad you're not worried about where you live, that is what matters!

Maybe my problem is the same as why L said... Our area is really going down hill, FAST. I was born and raised in the small town I'm living in, and in the first 30 years of my life, there was ONE murder. In the last less than 2 years, there have been FOUR. One in particular was very gruesome. One was a block from where I grew up, and block from where I live now. Literally right next door to my aunt's house. The home invasions (serious, 5 armed gun men) have increased, the car thefts have increased, the petty theft has increased...

I used to feel SO safe here, but I just don't any more... And it terrifies me that I'm raising Maiya in a place where I no longer feel safe.

I'm sorry, Bridget.

[daylilies]

There is not a lot of crime in this town but in the city next door there is. We used to live there and that was one reason we moved, plus the schools there are horrible.

[MashedUp]

Our little town is on the upswing. It used to be a mill town (paper mill), so it was always stinky and was more rough around the edges. Then the mill closed about 10 or 15 years ago and it went even further down, but now it is turning into a white collar suburb of Portland and is getting lots of new business and restaurants. We live on the edge of town away from the city, so it's more rural. It still has it's fair share of problems, but they don't impact us directly. Our neighborhood is primarily retired people or young families like ours. We when bought our house, it was a foreclosure and the eyesore of the neighborhood. You'd never know it, now it's nicer than many of the others because we have put so much work into it.