I'm so sorry that happened Myles! I've had to have that talk with Josh, too, and it does suck to have to tell them things like that.
Last edited by demigraf; 01-30-2013 at 01:22 PM.
Now Kai is walking around wishing he had a balloon because we watched that video of Bodhi. I'm not sure a child Bodhi's age can grasp the dangers of running off alone, nor have the self control to stop when it's just so darn fun. That doesn't change how terrifying it is though. Want your monkey leash back? Just kidding. i don't think you could stuff B into it now. I think on hiking trips, I'd be sure to run right with him if running is what he needs to do. Not that you asked what I'd do but I told ya anyway.
Everything got cancelled today and wed are usually are busy days with piano, karate and playgroup. The snow is coming down like crazy and apparently the roads are bad. I'm still in my pj's and thinking about checking out those movies on netflix that Krystal suggested about the pre-dino life, etc.
Today we started our diachtamus earth consumption. Is that the strangest thing you have heard? I'm going to try it since nothing else is working for Kai's tummy aches and I have this constant fear of us having parasites because our cats kill all kinds of animals and then come lay in bed with us. Supposedly the testing for it is not reliable. Kai is frequently complaining (TMI ALERT) of anal itching to the point that it makes him cry and I know he's clean because I still wipe for him so it's not that.
Here is some info on it in case anyone is interested. (Diachtamus Earth, not Kai's other problem)
Yeah I agree that even with depression, you have to be forced to actually do something and lying around wallowing doesn't help. DH was really pretty depressed after he lost his job...well now this is quite a few years ago. Nearly drove me crazy but I forced him to get up and get dressed every day and bring me to work (I could have driven myself but parking was far away and icky and it was nice to get dropped at the door). Once he was dressed and out, it became easier to run other errands and just doing something was helpful over doing nothing productive. Being on a normal eating and sleeping schedule and being forced to do things was just incredibly helpful for him. I also had to force the therapy on him for a bit....he was against drugs but had he been that bad, I would have forced that too. Eventually he got a job and we moved and he got another job. God he drove me crazy during that time. Even today, he would one to easily slip back into that mentality (I think his is more mental/situational and not so much a chemical thing). I refuse to get on the pity party with him or let him stay there long. In my head I just keep hearing my mom say you are going to sink in life or you are going to swim and it's up to you. I'm definitely a swimmer married to a sinker but buoyant enough for both of us.
Yeah Molly is just crazy. Even my MIL is what goes through that head of hers (she just adores Molly...just a lot more friendly to all where Cosmo is attached to me so much). Like Cosmo is lying on the floor minding her own business. Molly is playing with a toy and gets up to get another toy and is suddenly running to Cosmo and jumps on her back and starts to hump her head. OMG. Of course she gets told no stop that is naughty and she stops. 30 minutes later we repeat the whole thing. After the second or third time a ducking poogle might come out. I'm sure she just wants Cosmo to play with her and Cosmo ignores her during the whole thing. This doesn't happen every day but when it does it happens multiple times. Cosmo will play with her but on her terms. Both girls are fixed and Cosmo is the dominant dog....when she wants to be but she totally ignores the humping. She lets Molly get away with murder almost but at the same time Molly defers to her.
Bridget, are you ordering the DE from the dealer you linked us to? Or is there a way to prepare it for yourself? I never heard of this before. So interesting!
Aw, I didn't get online for a day and look at the bad news.
Chrissy, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this stuff with Bobbie. It's such a tough line between support and enabling, and I know how awful the guilt trip can feel. You're doing a great job, and you're totally right that despite her depression (and maybe because of it), keeping up with life's responsibilities is important. I hope things get easier for both of you.
Mandy, hugs. I'm so sorry.
Suja, I'm sorry about Khan. I hope the vet's instincts are wrong this time and the abx kicks butt.
Mylah, thanks for the Bill Cosby bit. My sister and I had that record as kids and man! We wore the grooves down on that thing. I still know it all by heart. Isn't it funny how those things we learned as children stay with us forever while other things that are so much more recent just float away?
Took a tour this morning at the preschool at which we're hoping to enroll Noe for next year. Now we have to apply, have the "audition" thing where they observe the child and interview us, and wait for them to decide if we get in. It's so weird. Do you guys watch "Portlandia?" Ryan and I keep jokingly calling the school "Shooting Star Preschool." Maybe we should make a video of Noe(TM) to show at the interview.
I've also finally got all of my records etc. turned in to UCSF for the consult and am waiting on them to get back to me with an appointment and an assigned doctor. It kind of feels the same as the preschool app. Like, did I state my problem well enough? Did I send all the right records? Are they going to give me someone good, or some newbie straight out of his internship?
Feels lately like so much is out of my hands -- which, truly, is a good feeling to be familiar with.
Portlandia's on our list. Good thing it's on Netflix On Demand. I liked the comments I read from the female lead - about how you move there feeling like finally you're going to live somewhere where everyone's a freak like you, and people will actually GET you. But instead, everyone treats you like you're not edgy enough. I could totally see it, because I've lived in oppressively hip neighborhoods too.
On the topic of dog nicknames, we have our share. For some reason, Cayo is "Ky-o-kee-o"; don't ask me why. And Lulu is "Schlu-lu" or "Screw Loose". We still haven't figured out if she's exceedingly intelligent or the exact opposite of that, but her behavior is definitely... odd at times.
Gretchen, I'm sure you got all the information down on your UCSF paperwork. Now, fingers crossed that the person on the other end will actually read it with the same attention to detail that you gave in preparing it. I never seem to find a caregiver who does that. :/
Last edited by demigraf; 01-30-2013 at 05:35 PM.
I feel for her in what she is going through but I do agree with you in that she can still do simple chores. I know, it may seem weird and strange, but what helped me get over the abuse I suffered the most, was thinking of other people in other parts of the world and even in America who have endured situations/incidents MUCH more horrible than what I went through and those people came out okay and were able to go on and live productive lives, no matter how they were helped by meds, therapist, whatever, they were able to do it. Also realizing and acknowledging that I am the most powerful person in my life and that if I do certain activities, physical or mental, that I can overcome pretty much any emotional trauma. Like Myles mentioned, I did a lot of physical activity around Bobbie's age in dealing with my issues. I did yoga, I ran, whenever I was extremely emotional, especially angry as that was my main emotion, I would take really long walks. To this day when I am really angry I have to go on a walk to feel better. I also got involved in spirituality, which I think is normal for older teens/young adults anyway. I went to a zen center and meditated and even though previous to me going to the zen center and performing zazen meditation, I took meds and had therapy, I think zazen helped me the most. That and the physical activity, which was spawned from the meditation because during that time I focused a lot on me and what I needed to do to be healthy is a whole way - whole for body, mind, spirit. It seems kind corny typing it out, but it really helped me get over the trauma of the abuse I suffered. Regardless though, I did still wash dishes and didn't treat people like crap. But I saw my issues as mine and not someone else's to fix and I went out of my way to treat people the way I wanted to be treated. I also would never have backtalked my mom like that. Both you and I are nicer than my mom though lol. My mom would have slapped the ish out of me for doing some of things Bobbie has done and said to you. She also kicked me out for way less. She has kicked out 3 of her 4 kids from her house lol. She doesn't take too much mess from anyone, let alone us. IMO though only my 2nd youngest brother deserved to get kicked out though, but like I said, my mom doesn't take any mess. I told her today that DH and I got into a discussion, it wasn't an argument, about him going out to a bar with his female co-worker and her sister - I was telling him I didn't think it appropriate that he go. I'm not jealous and don't really care if he goes out with people since I don't have the feeling he is cheating on me or anything and if I did, I would take action, but my mom immediately said she would get a divorce about that, that I should give him an ultimatum about going to a bar with his co-worker. But that is my mom, she is very action focused and if someone does something she doesn't want them to, she will get rid of them really quickly. I sometimes wish I had inherited a stronger version of that trait as I do have it but I am more understanding and I don't use ultimatums unless they are absolutely necessary and I have thought about them to excess.
Forgot to mention that they have up all the celebrity trailers a few blocks from my house. I saw them today on my way home from work. They even had a police car next to them flashing and a big sign with an arrow that said "Caterers." I thought about trying to see if I can pretend I work for the movie and go see what kind of food they have lol.
We are really hoping to get to see Hugh Jackman. I also found out that Viola Davis - the lady from the movie "The Help" will be in the production and a few other people besides Terrence Howard that I have heard of. I think Hugh Jackman is the main actor and we all love him due to X-Men and Wolverine so I am going to try to get his autograph and picture if I see him.
I forgot that someone asked where I live to see so many movies. I live in Atlanta, GA, which is now called the "Hollywood of the South." I live in a bad neighborhood so anytime movies want pics of a bad looking neighborhood, they come film over here, which happens quite often. We also get a lot of local rappers making music videos over here a lot. Movie companies get HUGE tax breaks to film here and we have some large studios now in Atlanta. The movie business here has grown a lot over the past 5 years. I really have noticed since I have seen a few movie productions since we've lived in this area. They filmed "The Blindside" in this area- all the bad Memphis street locations were actually a few blocks from my house, up to a mile. "The Walking Dead" had some episodes filmed over here across the street from me, where there is a huge abandoned, spooky looking school. It has been in a lot of movies and is an historical landmark, which is why it is still there. It was one of the first schools in Atlanta and was firebombed in the 60s after it was integrated. One of Atlanta's models was "a city too busy to hate" so there weren't too many big Civil Rights atrocities that happened here and the bombing of the school was the only one that happened here in response to integration unlike Birmingham, AL which is a few hours away from us. My neighborhood is in the process of gentrification, but it is coming along slowly so still has some really rough looking areas. Luckily, there isn't as much crime as it used to be back in the 90s when I first moved to Atlanta. I would never even have considered living in this area back then, I called it the "drug and prostitution mall." It is nothing like that now and is rather tame compared to its previous state, especially on my street as I live on the northern edge of the neighborhood where there isn't too much criminal activity going one. The street that all the movies/shows/music videos are shot on is the drug trafficking street and that street is pretty bad looking and abandoned, which is sad because our neighborhood is actually an historic area, one of the first planned neighborhoods in the city and that street was the main thoroughfare and has some of the best houses in the area that are now overrun by homeless squatters and drug dealers. We are only one mile from downtown and developers are already buying up our neighborhood. DH and I bought here due to the interest people have in the area and we hope to get a good return on the house in 15 years as we plan on owning it for at least 20-25 years until the master plan is complete to see how we will do when we sell.
I cannot suggest she do anything positive without eye rolls and attitude. I can't suggest she do anything that she isn't doing right at that second. If it's not what she wants to do, she doesn't want to hear it. I can't sugar coat it, sweet talk her, or anything. I've tried it all.
I really appreciate all your support. I feel bad because i simply do not have the time to respond to everyone like I want to. I am reading/keeping up with what's going on in your lives. Work is beyond chaotic again, and tonight I nearly killed myself trying to get Windows 8 installed on a machine that may be dying. It's kind comical what I had to go through to get all the updates applied (including hardware drivers) but it's geeky and perhaps only Suja and Myles would appreciate it.
I hope I have 10 minutes in the morning before everything goes crazy to go back and respond to y'all.
Chrissy, I agree, do not stress about responding to everyone. Forgive me for asking but is she on any anti-d's? Does she take vitamins? I know a lot of it is just forcing yourself to get up and go but maybe an extra boost would be helpful. The weight gain cannot be good for her health or self esteem either. It must be very hard for you to watch, on top of the blatant disrespect toward too. Big hugs, my friend.
Erin, so glad you are making time to come in here more. I have missed reading your posts. I forgot to tell you that when dbf travelled to Georgia (still wants to move there, btw) he stayed in a community where everyone drove golf carts and they even had created special roads for them. Kids drove them to school and everything. I cannot remember the name but it was something quaint and Georgia-esque. Have you heard of that area?
Today is cold cold cold. Below zero. I rolled up blankets so put in front of the doors, especially the sliding glass one in the kitchen you can feel the cold air coming in when you stand there. Brrrrrrrr! Stuck inside for another day.
So, we had such gorgeous weather the last two days, and I had planned to go to the park with Mira, so we could watch the ice melt off the pond, and throw sticks. On Tuesday he calls to say, come straight home, we have to get something to FedEx, and of course he needs my help. *sigh*. Go there to find out, one of the idiot employees needs to go out of the country on the 8th, and had just sent in the paperwork. The visa instructions from the embassy were less than helpful, but I figured out that he was missing some paperwork. It was still light enough, we went for a short walk, broke open some acorns to look at the seeds, stomped on some berries to make the juice/seeds come out, pulled out some weeds to look at roots, etc. Of course, I'm explaining how roots work, and all of a sudden, Mira wants to know where astronauts live! (sometimes, I feel like we're having conversations with people the other one cannot see or something)
Fast forward to yesterday, I wanted to take her to the playground before the storm hit (ice was all melted by then), and OMG, I had to rush home because idiot employee had finally sent in everything that needed to be sent in, and I needed to package it and drop it off at Fed Ex. I'll admit to getting pretty pissed off at both the idiot employee and DH. I don't see how poor planning on their part becomes an emergency on mine.
Anyway, off we go to drop the package off, Mira wants to know where we're going next, and was unhappy when I said we're going home. 'But mommy, I didn't get to play in the store'. We walked down to the bakery a few doors down (Korean bakery, BTW; if you guys have one around, check it out, their stuff is awesome!). They have samples, so I showed her how to use a toothpick to take out samples, but only of things she likes, to not use the same toothpick twice, and she's walking around, spearing stuff and tasting, while I shopped a little. This older gentleman stops me, tells me how beautifully behaved she is (), says she's better behaved than many adults he knows, who take advantage of the samples and eat instead of taste, and that she must behave that way because I'm setting a good example. I thanked him profusely, and said that it is really nice to hear good things, because mostly, people don't comment/react unless the child is behaving badly. While we didn't have the days we wanted, we did end up having a good time anyway.
Colder here today, nothing like you have, Bridget, but 50 MPH winds. The wind always bothers me more than the cold. It cuts right to the bone.
Chrissy, think you could force her to exercise with you? But not something too hard for her (since you have been known to be a runner at times). Kind of hard to do much walking this time or year. But maybe something like one of the dance dance video games or some weight lifting or even a yoga video? Maybe a beginner martial arts class? 80 lbs in two years is a lot. That is about the amount I have regained since I had surgery but that took more like 5-6 years and it's still a lot. I know I personally feel better after exercise BUT I'm not depressed and I still have a hard time getting myself to do it. But if DH says, lets go downstairs and work out...I'm much more likely to do it. Left totally to my own devices....I'm a lot more likely to sit there reading my book and watching TV.
Really I think that even if, and especially because she is depressed that it's reasonable to say I will keep letting you live here and supporting you BUT you MUST get up in the morning and get dressed. You MUST do the dishes and you MUST spend time with me doing x exercise. Even just 15 minutes of it to start off doing whatever exercise you think she would enjoy the best. Or talking walks together when the weather gets nicer.
Bridget, yeah is OMFG cold today. I just missed the shuttle bus and had to wait for him to come back around again and it was like I didn't even pants on. I could feel the wind through my wool coat and sweater. Tomorrow it is supposed to be even worse....I think wind chills of -30 is what I heard. I'm kind of ready for April to roll around.
this has nothing to do with real life, Chrissy, but I saw this poem this morning and thought of your troubles:
The Winds of Fate
One ship drives east and another drives west
With the selfsame winds that blow.
Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales
Which tells us the way to go.
Like the winds of the seas are the ways of fate,
As we voyage along through the life:
Tis the set of a soul
That decides its goal,
And not the calm or the strife.
--Ella Wheeler Wilcox
I have been like that, paralyzed by depression. It is hard to "just get up" - I know it must be maddening to you and so hard to deal with, but at the same time some "easy" things look insurmountable and useless to someone who is severely depressed. Maybe you can do what you can to help her get on some new medications and not just leave it up to her. I remember feeling the impossibility of the task of calling around for a doctor, making an appointment, going to the appointment, getting a prescription filled and then the waiting game to see if it worked or not. Impossible and most likely futile because nothing worked for me, etc. So just making a phone call was loaded down with all this heavy negative feeling. The journey to feeling okay again can feel too long when you are already at the end of your rope.
Suja - what a wonderful compliment to get. That must have lightened your spirits!
Bridget - the itching bottom made me think about pinworms. Is that possible? Does he itch more at night? http://www.babycenter.com/0_pinworms_10866.bc
"Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov
That's a lovely poem, Katy!
I have no experience with depression, but it sounds like you are handling it the best you can, Chrissy.
That sounds like a great compliment that you got, Suja. Well done to Mira for being so well-behaved in the store.
Pinworms is what I thought too. He won't let me stick the tape to his bum to see. The test is unreliable. The medicine is nasty for the system. It's poison, after all. So heres to diatomaceous. Dang, I have to look up the spelling every time. I put it in our smoothies this morning. Yesterday I mixed it with h20 and it tasted like clay. Not awful but certainly not pleasant.
Kai caught Savana's cold (which we kicked out of her, no flu thank goodness) so he is eating roasted garlic (he loves it) and vegging big time. We are watching "Walking with Dinosaurs as we watched Walking with Monsters last night before bed. Before bed is not a good time to watch these for us. Savana actually asked to sleep with me which she NEVER does. They are pretty intense.
So this guy that dbf works with is an old friend of dbf's from when he first moved to Hawaii. They used to walk the streets selling tours to tourists. He remembered dbf from all that time ago, how good he was, and recruited him for this new job. It's working out great for our family so I am thankful for that but a few things he has done/said are just rubbing me the wrong way. The first thing is that a couple of weeks ago, dbf had the week off and "J" called to say he was going to be working in a town a few hours away and wanted dbf to come and meet him for dinner. At first we were all going to go but then Savana and Sawyer both had a 24hr nasty tummy bug so he called him and said kids are sick, he doesn't want to leave me alone with sick kids if he doesn't have to (if he'd had to work, he'd have gone of course) and J said, "Why do you have to stay home? Isn't that what you have her for?" WTF? i was sitting next to dbf on the phone so i heard that and even though dbf said he was just kidding, I am not so sure.
Now he wants dbf to do this 20 day trip. He is not about to say no of course, just starting a new job and all but it was our understanding that trips would be 5-7 days max so dbf just made a point to say he hoped this was not going to be a regular thing because that is long time to be away from his family and J said he didn't understand what the difference is when i am a stay at home mom. Is it so hard for someone to understand that to be away from your children that long is hard on them?
Lastly, he sent a package for the kids and it was Veggie Tales dvds. I don't know why that bugs me so much since Kai actually loves veggie tales but I think it's a combination of dbf telling me that J recently "found Jesus" along with the presumption that we have as well along with the ideas he has about what my role should be in our family. Something tells me him and I probably wouldn't get along very well.
And to wrap up this really long post, i just word that my cousins 23 year old daughter is pregnant. She already has 2 kids with 2 different dads who are both in jail. Her oldest is being raised by my cousin who is almost 50. The younger boy is shuttled between both sets of grandparents but my cousin feels she will soon have him full time due to the age of the other set of gp. Now her daughter is living in the basement of her current bf's parents who have said if she gets pregnant they are kicked out. So clearly they haven't told them yet. They both sit in the basement all day watching tv. No jobs. No school. My cousin is terrified she will be raising these babies for the rest of her life. The whole thing makes me so sad and angry.
I can see why that guy would rub you the wrong way. My MIL gave us a Veggie Tales book for Christmas and I was just like, really? I did keep it, because I don't see the harm in having different religious stories around the house for him to learn but to assume we wanted something like that was just...odd.
I'm sorry for your cousin's daughter's predicament.
I think that most people just assume that we are all believers...even if we don't go to church or talk about it, generally people (at least those I know in the midwest) are kind of shocked by someone who isn't.
As for that guy, if he doesn't have kids, I can see him not seeing it as a big deal. Is he older? I think that it is common, especially in older men who don't have kids or weren't the main caregivers to think that kids are the moms duty and dad is to provide money. Even in my own family, my dad is like that. Doesn't come out and say it but when we were little, he was there to play with us. Mom is the one who cared for us when sick and raised us.....she didn't work part-time till I was a little older and full-time until I was almost in junior high.
That is really a shame about your cousins kid. Maybe she might want to think about talking to her daughter about adoption? Generally those that consider that really care about their baby though and it doesn't sound like this girl does considering already having two she doesn't care for. I know sometimes grandparents are really against adoption plans....but openness can make a difference. I know I have talked to DH and we have said depending on the situation, we are open to contact with the grandparents.
It really is sad when grandparents do not get to be the grandparents but have to actually parent and start raising kids all over again.
Lots of stuff going on here. And I'm sick. I stayed home from work.
I really feel like I've tried everything with Bobbie. She does go to the dr on a regular basis. Why she hasn't gotten a new anti-depressant is beyond me. It's not like I've been sitting around not thinking/saying/trying everything for the last 2 years with her. Frankly, I'm about at the end of my own rope with her and on the verge of just saying, "Do what you want. You're on your own." I've tried it all, except being totally harsh and 'logical' about what she needs to do. She says harsh (and cruel, and me crushing her spirit), I say it's being firm.
I have to go pay my bills and lay back down. I feel like crap.
I know you are doing everything you can for her - I hope you didn't take what I said as criticism. I meant only to possibly explain the reason for her lack of action. I hope you feel better.
"Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov
I'm sorry you are sick, Chrissy. Take care of yourself.
Jennifer, I wondered about the adoption option too but my cousin said that "K" is already spouting off about how no one is going to take this baby away from her. I really think that she is not ok mentally. She is convinced that her sons have been taken from her when the reality is that she cannot care for them. My cousin has told her countless times over the years that if she gets a job, a place to live, that she will be happy to help her get her boys back living with her.
Oh, and J is a few years younger than dbf. No kids but i think trying. He has told dbf that him and his wife both feel ok either way to have kids or not. It's in god's hands, of course.
Suja, that is awesome that he commented on M's behavior. I don't think people realize how much it means when a stranger takes notice of things like that.
Last edited by Bridget; 01-31-2013 at 11:26 AM.