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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #38311

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    I am a bug smasher too, like Kate. Usually if they are in the house, they are dead if I can get to them. Especially big "palmetto bugs" which I call huge roaches that we have down here in the south that still kind of freak me out. But I also kill mosquitos, we have tons of those in spring, summer, and fall. Ants I usually don't bother or grasshoppers but I will kill a cricket too if it is in the house because it is either my sanity or their life.

    I would also like to have chickens. Here in Atlanta as residents, we are legally able to keep 4 chickens on our property in the city. DH wants to move, if he didn't and weren't serious about it, I would buy some chickens and a coop. I know a lot of people with chickens and I love fresh eggs. They are MUCH better than the store kind, even the "organic" store kind aren't as good IMO.

    I wouldn't have a problem killing animals for food either. My aunt said I was gross because the other day I told her I would eat squirrels if "the world as we know it" were to end and there were no stores and we lived in the wilderness. As ladies who have been here a while know, I am not all that into camping and such, I like hiking but like my house and see camping as voluntary homelessness, but if it came to it, I would live outside and be free in the wilderness and wouldn't have any problems eating just about anything after killing/skinning it. I had a gr grandpa who ate squirrel, racoons, opossums, and other "varmin" from the yard. He was very "country" according to my gr grandma and she would frown up at him. But squirrel and rabbit stews were pretty good. I didn't eat the opossums since I thought they were too ugly to eat as a child, but I would eat one as an adult and would kill them even though I wouldn't want to look at their ugly faces lol.

    Erin

  2. #38312
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    Kate, I wonder if Josh is just longing for physical contact? Could you maybe have a regular movie/snuggle time if you don't already? That way he can get that snuggling experience but you don't have to change up your bedtime routine.

    I second giving Bo a chance in bed. M is still crated (and will be for a l-o-n-g time) but I will try night time first well before leaving him during the day. Because his crate is in our room we sleep the same hours and all my puppies love to snuggle. I'm sure he would enjoy cosleeping as much as Josh would. But of course, he needs to be ready first.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  3. #38313
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    Erin, I'm glad you love your new job. That's great.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  4. #38314

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    Kate - why don't you let Bo lie down with Josh when he goes to bed and then crate him up when you all go to bed?

    Erin - so happy to hear about your job! I hope your assistant is more helpful with you - I'm sure you can figure out a way to make her more proactive.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  5. #38315

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    Kate, Gilly comes to our bed nearly every night. I worry about the morning alarm waking him before he needs to get up. Luckily we have a king size bed. We too were having a hard time getting him to settle down at bedtime, despite him being tired. I have been giving him liquid melatonin for a few months now and it works wonderfully. It helps the bedtime routine so much. I get it from Amazon and he gets about 1ml 30 minutes before bedtime.
    Shelley-mom to DS, 6

  6. #38316
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    Yeah I think dogs know they are getting a special treat sleeping with us. Gosh I think Dh had Cosmo in the bed by the time she was 12 or 13 weeks old. LOL he sleeps days and said he was lonely and she would stay with him. I crated her at night for a while but stopped fairly early on. Well before a year old. I made Molly wait longer. Should Molly not want to lie down and stay with me and be good at night....back to her crate she would go.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  7. #38317
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    Krystal/Janet, I'm sharing this in here just for you. So you can see it does actually get cold enough to snow where I live! At least at a high enough elevation (look closely!)

    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  8. #38318
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    Mandy way up in the mountains doesn't count! LOL

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  9. #38319

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    Are you sure those aren't clouds?
    Shelley-mom to DS, 6

  10. #38320
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    Ugh-I just laid into Bobbie. She was still awake when I went to work this morning. I was annoyed, but didn't say anything. I sent her a message reminding her she needed to sign for Syd's cell phone, and I got a snotty response that she always does what she says she's going to do. Yeah, right. I'm not unreasonable...if that was the case, I wouldn't have felt the need to message her at all. She has a habit of staying up all night and then sleeping all day and neglecting to fulfill her obligations, like taking Jesi to her dr's appointment or job interview.


    When I got home, the dishes that she'd promised me she'd do before I got home were not done. This is the 4th time I'd asked her to do the dishes, and the 3rd time it's been a problem. She's been here little over a week.


    She got up around 7 p.m. (yep, you read that right) and stomped around all grouchy. Probably because my friend Christen, Rich, and all the kids were here and we woke her up by talking.


    Just now Christen was getting ready to leave and I'm standing out there smoking with her, saying goodnight and Bobbie comes out with a bag of clothes slung over her shoulder. I asked if she was going somewhere and she said yeah, with her friend Tori. I couldn't help it, I asked her when she was going to do the dishes she'd promised would be done before I got home today.


    Instant heavy sigh, and tried making an excuse that she was up all night and was tired. She argued she'd stayed awake to sign for the phone for Syd, but I pointed out she could have done the dishes while she waited. She was just pissy, so that pissed me off. I told her I wasn't asking too much, I wasn't being unreasonable and pointed out she's doing NOTHING ELSE all day long. I said if it's going to be like this, she can find somewhere else to live. I'm NOT going to witch at her to do her basic chores. She's 19 years old!


    Of course she started in with, "I don't need this lecture!" and I snapped, "Yes you do! Because you're NOT doing the dishes like you're supposed to!" She went immediately into, "All the emotional stuff I've been through in the last two years doesn't matter..." and I cut her off and yelled (outside, at 10:00 p.m. and my poor neighbors!) "NO! IT DOESN'T MATTER! BECAUSE YOU STILL NEED TO HAVE A JOB, BE IN SCHOOL, AND DO THE DUCKING DISHES!!!!!" I told her EVERYONE has sh*t they're dealing with in life, but they still do the basic stuff to take care of themselves.


    I'm sorry if that seems coldhearted but I'm DONE allowing her to use that as an excuse. By the time I was done, I was so wound up I told her this is not going to work at all and she has 2 weeks to find somewhere else to live. I even knew when I said it I probably wouldn't really kick her out (yet) but darnnit. I will NOT be her ducking maid!


    I'm fully supporting her. She still has a cell phone. I'm still paying her car insurance. She has cable, internet, heat, food, a roof over her head. Her Uncle Tim got her parts for her car and got it inspected. AND SHE CAN'T DO THE DUCKING DISHES?!


    omg. I really don't get it. I'm so frustrated already. I dreaded her moving back because I knew exactly what it was going to be like for me.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  11. #38321

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    Mandy, I try to cuddle with him a lot. When he's watching tv I try but sometimes I get up and go to the computer instead. He doesn't seem to want to as much as he does at bedtime. I think he has too many things stimulating him during the day to want to cuddle. But the last couple nights he has not wanted to cuddle either, while I'm up there. It's only when we go downstairs that he is craving attention.

    Thanks for all the advice. I'm sorry I assumed that none of you were cosleeping anymore. It seems that most of you are! I'll talk with DH about letting Bo stay in there. At least maybe he can stay in Josh's room in his crate for a while and see if he distracts Josh too much.

  12. #38322

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    You're right Chrissy, she doesn't get to check out of responsibilities just because of what happened. In fact you'd think it would be more empowering for her to actually pick up and carry on like nothing happened (while still dealing with the emotional trauma, of course). Maybe try that angle?

  13. #38323

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    For the sake of full disclosure, I am a bug squisher too. I can't do it in front of the kids because it upsets them, especially Savana. She actually doesn't even like it when I say, "ew" about any type of bug. She'll be like, "Mom, you actually shouldn't say ew. Bugs are amazing creatures." And then I feel chastised. lol. But seriously, I've even squished especially creepy or pesky bugs, in the napkin, on the way to the door to throw it out. I just don't even really like the idea of it accidentally getting out while I'm carrying it. And mosquitos, YES. Those mother effers are satan. One of my really good friends and I have this running joke (for like 10 years now) about this one night we were at a party and I was waiting for the bathroom. When the door opened it was her and she said to me, in all seriousness, "Be careful. There's a mosquito in there. I kicked his ass but he's not dead." So funny.

    Chrissy, I agree with you. I think it's a really important realization that productive adults make at some point and that is to carry on is spite of what has brought you down in the past. We all have a responsibility to show respect to our loved ones and carry our weight in the world and having something horrible happen does not excuse one from that responsibility. I'm sorry she's giving you such a difficult time. I certainly do not think you are asking too much of her by any stretch of the imagination.

    Erin, that is one of my pet peeves too in the workplace. That and laziness. I can't stand having to tell people to do something and I can't stand people who sit around when there is work to be done. People should take enough pride in their jobs to strive for excellence no matter what.

  14. #38324
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    I'm sorry, Chrissy.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  15. #38325
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    So, friend of mine for grad school/bridesmaid at my wedding just announced her pregnancy with baby #2 on Facebook. She wanted her kids 2.5-3 years apart and it will be 2.5 years. Baby is due the month after my little one would have been.

    I don't even feel like congratulating her.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Oh Mandy!

  17. #38327

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    Spent WAY too much time cooking tonight, so don't have as much time, but I need to add... I am a bit of a bug squisher, too. Before Maiya, I made everyone else kill bugs for me (I couldn't do it myself, haha), but after Maiya... I just have a hard time telling her that killing anything is ok. Plus, she LOVES bugs, and I want to keep it that way. I even took her out to find a tarantula that would crawl on her, she loved it!!

    I do kill ticks and fleas and mosquitos, of course. In the high season, my dog can easily pick up literally 50+ ticks on a walk... No way can those live!!! And Maiya knows we kill them, but I make sure to tell her why- they carry germs and can make you very, very sick. So even though it's sad that they have to die, we need to protect ourselves.

    Maybe I'm crazy... But I try to encourage her to not even pick flowers!!

    On that note... I am no where near a vegetarian (as I just roasted a whole chicken tonight and have some stock just started... Mmmm...). I believe that, unless you can synthesize energy from sunlight, you must kill to survive. Killing animals or plants or fungi... They still die so you can live. That's why I want Maiya to know where her food comes from and respect all life, even if she needs to eat it.

    MANDY!! What is that white stuff on those mountain tops??? That must be where unicorns live... So, have you danced naked in it yet???

    And... I do not blame you one bit for not feeling like congratulating them. There are many people I've never congratulated on being pregnant... Including every other (except 2) mom in Maiya's play group. It is so, so hard... And it's worked once for me and I STILL am having a hard time of it. I remember the days before Maiya... Yeah... Huge hugs, hon.



  18. #38328
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    Mandy, I'm so sorry. I can only image the anguish you must feel.

    Thanks for the support ladies. It means a lot to me. I'm sure Bobbie is going to hate me and find me insensitive and not understanding, but enough is enough. She's wallowing in self pity, laying around feeling sorry for herself. Allowing that to continue won't be doing her any favors. I'll stand her hatred of me.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  19. #38329

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    I'm sorry Mandy

  20. #38330
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    I'm sorry Bobbie is giving you a hard time, Chrissy. While I understand that she is going through a hard time, nothing is gained by giving you a really hard time, other than eroding your good will and support, and she has to decide at some point what sort of life she wants to have, what kind of power she is willing to give to that awful event. The power is now with her, she just needs to realize it.

  21. #38331
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    Hugs Mandy. I totally understand. I avoided a lot of that for years.

    Chrissy, I personally think that you are doing the right thing for her. You were beyond reasonable and asked so little. She needs to stop making excuses and stop making herself a victim and take control of her own life again.

    DH found out he has to work a day this weekend so furniture shopping is out this week. It's an hour drive each way and he wants to have time to relax and read and chill out.

    Wow, I just have to say that I wouldn't take my dog out on walk if I had 50 ticks on them! It's hard because my hometown, people didn't really see ticks much. It was only people who went camping up north that thought about them. Well now I live up north. My grass is always kept short (what grass I have since we are still trying to get in a nice lawn...this will be the fourth summer!). But we have farming fields to the west and north of us with a wooded area behind that. We know that we get deer in the yard as a stupid buck had to go rub a bunch of bark of my young maple in the back yard. My dogs don't go into the fields or woods, only my short grass. And I still find ticks on them....or on me since the girls sit on me a lot and sleep in the bed. Ick Ick Ick.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  22. #38332
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    Yet another friend lost her heart dog. There are a lot of parallels between our lives, and especially, shared qualities between my Khan and her Big Red, and my heart breaks for her. I can't believe he went downhill that quickly. She is also dealing with PPD. This has to be hard.

    Khan has yet another raging UTI (or rather, the old one we treated did not fully clear up). We're doing a culture and specificity, so we can get a handle on it. The vet has a bad feeling about this one being multi-drug resistant. She generally has good instincts.
    Last edited by Suja; 01-30-2013 at 11:15 AM.

  23. #38333
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Chrissy, I personally think that you are doing the right thing for her. You were beyond reasonable and asked so little. She needs to stop making excuses and stop making herself a victim and take control of her own life again.
    I know I was asking little of her and that's what really chaps my hide the most. I knew how she'd been, what excuses she'd made, and I dreaded it. But I've been clear from the beginning what I expected and my plan was that as she was capable of doing x, y, z, expecting even more. And more. Until she was self sufficient.

    It's not about me wanting a maid (although, that would be nice). But she should know that I've always told the girls that there are chores everyone must do just to live and everyone has to participate in them. That's how it's been her entire life! If she'd remember correctly, before that happened to her she had 2-3 chores every.single.day that she had to do, and that was while she was going to school full time. She might have grumbled a little bit back then, but honestly I don't remember it. Her and her sisters came home and did their chores. Period. We've always been strict about that. So me only asking her to do the dishes 4 times in roughly a week and a half is really a pared back expectation of what I had of her prior to two years ago. I was willing to 'ease her back' into the role of living. But she's resisting even that much.

    I'm sorry for everyone that's dealing with sick/dying dogs. Believe me, I read those posts and my heart aches. I know how much I love my Missy. I'd be frantic if she were ill with one thing after another Suja.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  24. #38334
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    I'm sorry Suja. I think last time Cosmo had a UTI, it took a few rounds of antibiotics and changing meds to get that cleared up. It's hard when they cannot tell you where and how it hurts them. I'm with Chrissy, I know it's coming but I don't have any idea how I'm going to be able to handle it with Cosmo....she's my first baby.

    Yeah Chrissy, I mean I can how having it emotionally difficult might make it hard to do something like school. But seriously, it's NOT emotionally difficult to do dishes.

    OMG this is so wrong but funny too. We kind of have a little bit of potty mouths since there aren't any kids around. We don't scream or shout this but kind of often say it....Ducking Poogle (that's Molly's nickname...Poogle or Poogie...Poog)...and it wasn't ducking. LOL So we kind of say it a lot because well she's getting into a bit of trouble or bugging her sister...nothing big. So the other day DH says Ducking blah. And Molly whipped her head around....I think she thought Ducking was her name or at least part of another nickname. I suggested that we probably should stop doing that since she really only does two things wrong now and it's not every day.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  25. #38335
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    And Molly whipped her head around....I think she thought Ducking was her name or at least part of another nickname. I suggested that we probably should stop doing that since she really only does two things wrong now and it's not every day.
    LOL!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwYVqMj5i6k

  26. #38336

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    Mandy... It's natural for you to feel the way that you feel. It hurts to see something come so easily to someone and to have it be so difficult for you. Take all the time that you need to absorb her news. I know you'd be there for her if she really needed you. Right now, she doesn't *need* you to be happy for her.

    Chrissy, you're absolutely right that Bobbie should be expected to do her minimum responsibilities. It seems that she frames everything in terms of the attack, so have you tried the approach of: "If it keeps you from being able to take care of yourself and do what you need to do to be a productive, functioning human being, then your attacker has won."? It also does sound like she's depressed, and that's one of the reasons why she can't bring herself to do just basic everyday activities. Could you remind me again if she's doing anything to address her depression?

    Suja, that's very sad about your friend's doggie. With all she has going on, losing Big Red must have really rocked her. I hope she finds support in friends like you, and reaches out for more if she starts to feel overwhelmed by it. For Khan's UTI... do cranberry caps work for dogs?

    Erin, I haven't read back about your lazy coworkers, but I am glad to read that you're liking your new job. Sounds like you know you're valued, and that's an awesome feeling.

    Remember the story about Bodhi disappearing on Sunday with the orange balloon? I just remembered I took a video of the minutes preceding it. He went from this happy, playful little scamp to the one that got in bigtime trouble just minutes afterwards. Makes me feel kind of bad watching this, how stoked he was at this point. He just got a little too excited and carried away. But I guess he still needs to learn how to control himself (and not run away) regardless...


  27. #38337
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    I'm sorry Suja. I think last time Cosmo had a UTI, it took a few rounds of antibiotics and changing meds to get that cleared up. It's hard when they cannot tell you where and how it hurts them. I'm with Chrissy, I know it's coming but I don't have any idea how I'm going to be able to handle it with Cosmo....she's my first baby.

    Yeah Chrissy, I mean I can how having it emotionally difficult might make it hard to do something like school. But seriously, it's NOT emotionally difficult to do dishes.

    OMG this is so wrong but funny too. We kind of have a little bit of potty mouths since there aren't any kids around. We don't scream or shout this but kind of often say it....Ducking Poogle (that's Molly's nickname...Poogle or Poogie...Poog)...and it wasn't ducking. LOL So we kind of say it a lot because well she's getting into a bit of trouble or bugging her sister...nothing big. So the other day DH says Ducking blah. And Molly whipped her head around....I think she thought Ducking was her name or at least part of another nickname. I suggested that we probably should stop doing that since she really only does two things wrong now and it's not every day.
    lol about poor Molly thinking "ducking" was part of her name!

    And as far as it not being emotionally difficult to do the dishes, it's not but she is seriously depressed. The trouble is, she needs to get up and participate in life despite how she feels. Wallowing in it, laying in bed all day and watching Netflix all night long is not doing her any favors. It's not that I don't empathize, it's that I've decided enough is enough and I'm going to push her hard to join the land of the living again. Even if that's at the cost of our relationship...because I believe in it so much. Letting her languish around isn't good for her and I cannot simply sit back and allow it. Plus, I'm human too and she needs to start realizing the impact she has on everyone around her. If it's not me, it'll be someone else she's trying to take advantage of.

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Mandy... It's natural for you to feel the way that you feel. It hurts to see something come so easily to someone and to have it be so difficult for you. Take all the time that you need to absorb her news. I know you'd be there for her if she really needed you. Right now, she doesn't *need* you to be happy for her.

    Chrissy, you're absolutely right that Bobbie should be expected to do her minimum responsibilities. It seems that she frames everything in terms of the attack, so have you tried the approach of: "If it keeps you from being able to take care of yourself and do what you need to do to be a productive, functioning human being, then your attacker has won."? It also does sound like she's depressed, and that's one of the reasons why she can't bring herself to do just basic everyday activities. Could you remind me again if she's doing anything to address her depression?

    Suja, that's very sad about your friend's doggie. With all she has going on, losing Big Red must have really rocked her. I hope she finds support in friends like you, and reaches out for more if she starts to feel overwhelmed by it. For Khan's UTI... do cranberry caps work for dogs?

    Erin, I haven't read back about your lazy coworkers, but I am glad to read that you're liking your new job. Sounds like you know you're valued, and that's an awesome feeling.

    Remember the story about Bodhi disappearing on Sunday with the orange balloon? I just remembered I took a video of the minutes preceding it. He went from this happy, playful little scamp to the one that got in bigtime trouble just minutes afterwards. Makes me feel kind of bad watching this, how stoked he was at this point. He just got a little too excited and carried away. But I guess he still needs to learn how to control himself (and not run away) regardless...

    Yes, Bobbie is in therapy and was on anti-depressants but despite my prior warning to not accept one for Paxil or any of those that had suicide attempts as a side effect, she let her NP prescribe Paxil. We both have no doubt that's what led up to her suicidal ideation and what landed her in the crisis center, inpatient, for 4 days. So she's gotten off that. I've tried to encourage her to try another, pointing out that there are plenty of others that do not have that side effect but I don't believe she's followed up on it.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  28. #38338

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    LOL at the dog nicknames, Jennifer. I call Bo all sorts of things, although none of them have swears in them LOL

    Suja, that Bill Cosby bit was the perfect response! That whole show that clip is from is hilarious.

    Myles, I must have missed the story about Bodhi disappearing! Did he run too far away?

  29. #38339

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post

    Yes, Bobbie is in therapy and was on anti-depressants but despite my prior warning to not accept one for Paxil or any of those that had suicide attempts as a side effect, she let her NP prescribe Paxil. We both have no doubt that's what led up to her suicidal ideation and what landed her in the crisis center, inpatient, for 4 days. So she's gotten off that. I've tried to encourage her to try another, pointing out that there are plenty of others that do not have that side effect but I don't believe she's followed up on it.
    *Hugs*. That's so scary, momma. What about lifestyle changes? Things she could be doing to actively pursue happiness, like physical activity, focusing on her physical health, meditation, finding positive friends? Is she doing any of those things? Back when I was a sullen teen, I used to think cheerful, positive people were lame, but then something clicked in my head that those types of people rub off on me in a good way. Where is she in terms of wanting to know and be around positive people who are good to themselves? I ask because it made a huge difference in my overall mental wellness to realize that I could choose smart, self-possessed people to spend my time with. (Of course, finding those people is another battle, but the internet makes it easier than when I was a teenager. Look how I found all of you...).

  30. #38340

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    Yes, Kate. B gave me a couple of heart attacks over the weekend. And I think the side effect was a bit of whiplash, because my neck is still so stiff from the stress of him running away. He told me this morning he had a nightmare about being snatched (because I had lectured him about people snatching him after the 2 episodes). I hate making him afraid, but he's apparently not cautious enough, so a little fear is a good thing, right? I try to explain that most people aren't bad, but I don't want him to think he can go for a walk around the block by himself just yet.

    Suja, that Cosby bit was hilarious. My hubby still sings the "Dad is great! Gives us a chocolate cake!" song from Cosby too.

    My coworker just gave me a pretty chocolate cupcake, and I am trying so hard to wait until after lunch before I eat it. Yum!

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