Secular Confessions

[demigraf]

Mandy, I hope you just find that card that said 2:00. I don't care if they tried to reschedule with you. It shouldn't be considered changed until you confirm it with them. Grrrr. I'm very annoyed for you. I hope you at least had an enjoyable lunch with your friend.

Yeah, with my boss, I just feel it's weirder the more I think about it. She wants to know who I am? How about the person who went out of her way today to disclose that her sister was trying to hire me off her team? How about the person who asks for more work when she sees others are struggling with their workloads and she doesn't have anything else to do? I feel I've already displayed the loyalty and character of someone I'd want to hire for my team, but I guess those qualities don't matter. I just have no idea what this woman wants from me. I feel like I'm being asked to compete for a prize and am not being given the rules. At this point, today, I'd rather just be working as an anonymous consultant somewhere else. I know it's just me feeling fed up today, but that's just the blech I feel.

Suja, I think you & I are cycling together. That might also account for my fed-up-ness.

[3andMe]

Gwenn, I have to say I love my staff, the doctors I work with, and the office that schedules the majority of our procedures. That being said, they are TERRIBLE about answering their phones (everyone knows they don't have enough staff) and they reschedule appointments by just leaving messages and not confirming it with patients. On any given day, I have up to five patients show up who are at the wrong times or even not on our schedule. It's just a logistical nightmare for us, and awful for the patients. I've written up suggestions, complaints, asked for help solving the problem. The doctors are aware of it. The manager is. Nobody has done anything to solve it. I don't know what else we can do to fix it. The people who are really in the know directly email the doctors in lieu of calling, and verify their appointments with us. Other than that, we're wonderful. We get wonderful reviews. It's just the office staff, who are loosely associated with us.

Anyway, I know how frustrating it is, and you didn't even go through a colonoscopy prep.

Also, Mylah, I remember being totally shocked at my first REAL job interview when they asked me if I had any questions for them and I chose, "What are you looking for in a nurse on your unit?" I was just a summer intern, while I was in nursing school, but they told me all they really wanted was for someone to fit in well with the group. They didn't seem to care if I was thorough or careful or attentive to detail or knew what I was supposed to do if someone's heart stopped. I'm sure I had a micro-expression of annoyance before I controlled it. What point was it to do all that studying, when I should have been taking deportment lessons?

Interestingly, I was listening to a podcast recently that discussed how a 'bad seed' in the workplace can make the entire team suffer, and that a team's overall performance is more related to the performance of its worst member than an aggregate, or its best member. So it really can make a difference. However, I think it makes more difference if people are working very closely.

DH has mentioned that your company takes itself very seriously. Maybe that's part of it.

[missychrissy]

I'm just stunned at the 'as many as 5' patients coming in at the wrong time or not even on the schedule? Every office I've worked in, there's always the one or two that can't seem to grasp simple tasks like scheduling, but even when I was in an office that had a large administrative assistant staff we never had that many. We had the walk-in as well as a lab, x-ray, and a family practice with about 5 dr's/practitioners. We had our share of mistakes, but never that many in one day. A week, yes.

It sounds like they need to hire more people and pay based on work merit. I'm a firm believer in the better you work, the less errors you make, the more you should be paid. Even if that means you get more after 3 years than someone that's been there for 20. If the one that's been there for 20 is a twit, she/he should get twit-pay.

Easy for me to say because as someone who is always the 'new one' in every office (it seems), I resent working harder and having more responsibility but less pay than those that have been there longer than me. I pride myself on attention to detail, multi-tasking, and having a very low error rate in anything I do. My work is a reflection of me. I want it to always be perfect and strive very hard for it. Besides, a busy day is a fast day and I hate being bored.

[demigraf]

Interestingly, I was listening to a podcast recently that discussed how a 'bad seed' in the workplace can make the entire team suffer, and that a team's overall performance is more related to the performance of its worst member than an aggregate, or its best member. So it really can make a difference. However, I think it makes more difference if people are working very closely.

I agree with that wholeheartedly. I don't have a problem with her choosing her staff on the basis of chemistry. The way she worded it, though, I just don't know how to come out of my shell because I don't feel I've been in one. I feel like what she was saying is what I've "been" so far hasn't been enough, and yet I don't know how to be any different. Had she said, "Let's just give ourselves time to get to know you," that would have been reasonable to me. But she sounded like she was asking me to change in some unspecified way. I do realize I'm a little sensitive today from the TOM hormones, plus the discomfort of the position her sister put me in. So I'm just going to try to sleep on it. Our movie selection of the night is "Hope Springs" with Meryl Streep. I hope to escape into that before bed.

Love you guys!

[Gwenn]

I have to say that going back to my teenage years and possibly even before, I cannot think of a single doctor whose office staff was anywhere near as pleasant to deal with as the doctors they worked for. Not always to this degree of frustration/incompetence, but irritating nevertheless. I was on edge about this place because the first time I went in, this same woman I am having an issue with kept referring to me, to my face, as "the patient." After she said that I replied that "I am the patient." She looked confused and annoyed when I corrected her. So I don't think much of her demeanor with her - um - patients.

Chrissy, none of what I said about my dissatisfaction with medical office staff applies to you in your former positions in any way. You are clearly the exception that proves the rule.

L, I am definitely grateful not to have done colonoscopy prep. My sister has a colonoscopy every 6 months so although I have never had one personally, I can empathize with just how excruciatingly awful that must be to not have the procedure.

Mylah - I did have a great lunch with my friend. Thanks for asking! She would be a great fit in our group, although she is decidedly not secular. Not Christian, though, either, so I don't think she'd be offended by much of our religious talk.

As for your boss - she's crazy if she doesn't take your hard work and honesty into account when assessing your character. To the point where I have some choice thoughts in my assessment of HER character. I'm not in your shoes but I might be tempted to see what else was out there, definitely.

[Gwenn]

I have been wondering recently if I shouldn't change my screen name. As most of you know, I named myself after my dog (Gwennie), which may or may not be a little strange. I also have a coworker named Gwen and a secret part of me is afraid I will answer to her name when someone calls her. It hasn't happened, but I still worry. Then the other day, Gwen walked into our room and because we have our office area screened off from the entrance to the room we can never see who is coming in until they get past the screen area. So she said, "It's just me, Gwennie." Which was even stranger as in 3 years or so that I have known her I never thought of her as Gwennie. So I told her I couldn't think of her as Gwennie because that was my dog - and then I didn't even get into the fact that my alter ego is Gwenn. And now I'm feeling the whole thing is altogether too weird.

Should I change my name in here? I kind of feel like I can't because I'm a mod and lots of people know me under this name, and if I change my name nobody will know who I am. And anyway, I don't know what I'd change it to. I'm probably completely overthinking this.

[3andMe]

Oh, I got all distracted from all of your interesting stuff today and forgot to mention the main thing that I wanted to write about the last time I posted. I called my mom today on my way home from work/picking S. up at preschool to see where she and the twins were, and she said she was picking DS up from a playdate. Apparently DS had asked a friend at school if he could go over to his house, and his mom said she owed me one since I had her son over one day after school. So my mom let her drive DS over to her house and play there for a couple of hours.

First of all, I didn't want this mom to feel like she owed me one. It was perfectly fine to not be reciprocal. Her DH just lost his job and I'm sure she's totally overwhelmed. It was no trouble to host her son. It was not polite for my DS to invite himself over.

BUT the main issue was that my mom just let DS go over there, driving in someone else's car, without warning her that DS tends to wander around houses and look into places that he doesn't have any business (so he needs to have either a pretty close eye on him, or the house needs to be exceedingly childproofed). My mom said the other boy's mom just asked her questions about whether or not he was allergic to foods and stuff.

I think my kids are the only ones in their class in 5-point restraints, so DS may have been exposed to a booster for the first time today. Nobody had ever driven them before today, except for me and DH, and my mom just started driving them less than a year ago. It was hard expressing a little enthusiasm for the playdate to my mom, who found the whole thing really difficult to deal with, and then showing some hesitation for the fact that she let DS go off in a car with someone I barely knew. I know this will happen more and more, and I don't know if I should try to just deal with my apprehension and get over it, because on first glance the mom seems fine. DH says if our son thought it was fine, then it should be okay. I think he forgets all the things he did that his parents did not approve of.

[3andMe]

Gwenn/Mandy/Light-O'-My-Life: You can change your name and we will still know you. As you might recall, my original name, both as a member and a mod, was my IRL name. I changed it to become more discreet. People just rolled with it. I got some really good suggestions from people, and this name I have now was not something I came up with myself.

[Gwenn]

Well, even if I don't change my name, you calling me Light-O'-My-Life made my evening!

And I do remember discussing your name change. For some reason I feel firmly attached to Gwenn, though. Not sure why, and can't be any more attached that you must be to your, well, actual name.

ETA: I wish I could offer some insight on the playdate situation, but I really just can't. Especially as I am trying to picture Marcus Aurelius inviting himself over to a classmate's house and I'm just not seeing it. I tend not to agree with your DH as I have displayed appallingly bad judgment in friends even as an adult, much less at five-year-old, but it does sound as though the Mom was okay. I'd be inclined not to freak out just yet, although you do have good reason to be annoyed.

[demigraf]

Hi, again. Popping in while DH packs up his tools for tomorrow. Showtime hasn't started yet.

L, I'm thinking what I would do in your shoes. I probably would have been upset if my mom hadn't conferred with me first about letting Bodhi be somewhere else that I didn't know about. But then I think a part of me would also feel like today happened to teach me to let go a little bit... because he did go off to his friends' house with little preparation, and everything turned out fine. That doesn't mean you can't still tell your mom how she should have handled it in a way that you would have been more comfortable with, because I think she probably could have taken more care to warn the other mother about R's tendencies (which I knew nothing about! R just seems like an extremely friendly, happy-go-lucky kid who rode with me, Bodhi and Little D on the Jolly Trolley when he hardly knew us and laughed with us the whole time). I mean, your mom kind of made a unilateral decision, and I wouldn't be cool with that.

Y'know, I think I'm going to hunt Erin down and tell her to make a cameo appearance over here. I've been missing her too!

[Bridget]

That would freak me out Lydia. Admittedly, I freak out more than your average bear so take it with a grain of salt. Personally, I' d give your mom a clear no way never again. It sounds like she was unsure, right? So maybe it would help her to have clear expectations?

[Krystal5]

Gwenn / Mandy / LOML , that's awful about your appointment! So sorry... You have every right to be mad. I've never had anything like that happen... If you don't want to change your name, I wouldn't. But then, I've had this silly "username" FOREVER. Remember when AOL was America Online? Yeah, that's when I picked this name. And why Krystal? Because as a 10 or so year old, I liked the name. And have never changed it... So, don't feel silly! Or, if you do feel silly, don't feel silly alone. And you notice my "avatar", I think it's called, is my dog... Same one I always use, never changed it, and she's been dead for over a year now... : ( What can I say, I'm a creature of habit!

Mylah, I understand completely. I've had similar situations, and it's like, this is just who I am, you already know me!! I'm sorry it bothered you so much... You are wonderful as is, and are obviously a great employee, she's just dense! I hope everything works out for you.

Poor poor Conner... He has my sympathy. I had medical issues as an elementary school kid, and despite having a doctor's note saying I had to be allowed to use the bathroom whenever I said I did, at a moment's notice, I was not allowed to. Let's just say, I had a LOT of instances like that... It's awful. It must be even worse for him since he's sick, too... Poor guy, give him extra hugs!

Gretchen, thanks for filling me on what's going on. I'm so sorry! How exciting that you may be getting answers soon... If your current path doesn't pan out, I really hope that you can take advantage of that awesome offer. If you are too scared to fly, drive or take the train! There's more than one way to cross the country. I really really hope you get answers soon! How do you feel with all this going on? Physically and emotionally? <hugs>

AmeriBrit (sorry, haven't figure out your name yet...), yes, I agree with Gretchen! There are PLENTY of bands and bars here. My husband used to, and still hopes to pick it back up one day.

L, I would probably just tell DS that he can't make same day plans, he needs to talk to you and his friends' parents first- and tell your mom to enforce that rule- and not worry much more about what happened today. But, I am pretty laid back about such things... Hopefully that doesn't come back to bite me!! I'm adamant about a carseat for Maiya (obviously, since she's only 2!), but SO many people have driven her, with and without me in the car, that I lost count. And as for going over to other peoples' houses... As long he talks to you and them first, it is something that will happen more and more. Laying down some ground rules now is probably a good thing, though, now that it's started happening.

[missychrissy]

Chrissy, none of what I said about my dissatisfaction with medical office staff applies to you in your former positions in any way. You are clearly the exception that proves the rule.

Oh I know that and didn't think you were talking about me at all. What I was really getting at is, I don't think I'm alone with that work ethic and I don't think I possess superior intelligence. Businesses all over should do what they can to keep and retain the good employees and weed out the inefficient ones. If an office is really so busy that people can't even answer the phone to confirm appointment changes (as L alluded to), then that office really should either hire more staff, or work diligently on cutting out the unnecessary work that is taking them away from that critical role. In my mind, that's poor customer service and even a dr's office is providing a service.

It also reaffirms that I could never be a manager because inefficiency makes me nuts and I know I'd get angry enough to snap at someone and ask them if they were lazy or just stupid. I've seen both kinds in all the offices I've worked in and it's not any more fun to be their equal, trying to do your own work while keeping an eyeball on them and making sure they actually update the computer when someone calls to reschedule.

L, I think I'd stress the importance of your mom checking in with you before she allowed your kids to go off like that, but I'd also use it as an opportunity to get used to them going like that more often.

Mandy, I think if you like your screen name you should just keep it. I wouldn't worry about others keeping track...we've managed to figure out who everyone was and I remember being very confused for a while when a whole bunch of people suddenly changed their screen names in a small window period. At least if it's just you, I'll be sure to know who you are.

While playing my roll of super-multi-tasker, I've found myself utterly overwhelmed in the amount of email messages I have been reading/responding to on a daily basis. I have too many balls in the air and one is bound to get missed and smack me right in the head. I've found myself totally shutting down when I get home and not even looking at my phone when my kids text me. It's just one more 'message' where someone needs me. Between work and home, this starts before 8 a.m. during the week and can go on very, very late at night. I don't know how many times I've had to cut off a conversation (text, messages, etc) with one of the kids because I'm dead tired and have to go to bed...usually after midnight. It's non-stop messaging in one form or another. I'm not quite sure what to do about it.

[demigraf]

Chrissy, I'm not surprised that you're exhausted... between the job, the commute, and being a mom of 4. No one is more deserving of a bubble bath than you.

Ash - LOL on "Nee-cuh-rag-yoo-uh". Too funny! I don't know if I've actually heard it said that way, or if it's just so spot on with their pronunciation rules that it sounds familiar when it's not. It does kind of remind me of an old classmate at school there who had a band called "Homosexual Tissue", and the way he said it... still cracks me up today to just think about it.

[3andMe]

It just seems like it's a lot easier to say that DS has a penchant for wandering and snooping than to ask people if they are well-childproofed, if they have guns that are not locked up, if they have medications that might be accessible, if they have anything that they don't want a child seeing or playing with. It puts the burden on my child and seems less potentially accusatory and worried. And I'm actually not that worried about what people might have in their houses as long as they're safely stored, but I know most people are not used to a 5-year-old mini-investigator. I know there's no way I could have covered all of the bases.

If he is with me, I can remind him beforehand a couple of quick rules for polite behavior. I review the part about staying with his friend, not opening closed doors or drawers or cupboards, and if he's dying of curiosity to see the rest of the house, he may say, "What a nice house. May I have a tour?" I remind him to flush.

I don't think it was so much that my mom was unsure about the playdate, she was just feeling a little overwhelmed about having to do something different (ie pick him up at a new address) and get a phone number, and coordinate something. It didn't cross her mind to question the actual playdate.

I have heard the British version of Nicaragua, I think. At least I can hear it in my head perfectly. I had a high school physics teacher who was British, and I think he said the Britsh version of aluminum (AL-oo-MIN-ee-um) about a hundred times a month so it's now residing in my brain and I have a hard time saying it the US way. It's easier for me to just say 'tin foil' and then DH scowls at me for being incorrect.

Chrissy, I don't blame you for not wanting to deal with the nonstop messages after work. I think it's incredibly exhausting being on call, and it sounds like that's what you are. I would put the phone away, tell people to call if it is a real emergency, and just take a few hours of down time after work if you can. I hope your weekend is decent.

[daylilies]

Wow you guys have been busy!

Mandy, I'm sorry about the dentist fiasco! They were clearly in the wrong.

Lydia, I totally agree with that thought, that a workplace is dragged down by the worst employee. I can relate to that, when I was starting off at cooking jobs. Any slowness or disorganization from me, the rest of the staff would have to pick up the slack and it would therefore make them fall behind. I'm sure it's less obvious in workplaces where the people don't work together so closely but the effects are still there.

[3andMe]

I just searched for the research about the group/work dynamics with the bad worker, and this is an overview of what it was about:

http://www.illuminaregroup.com/one-b...le-darn-bunch/

[Cosmosmom]

Oh man my DH always is like it's NOT tin foil. Yeah I know technically that is true but dude you know what I'm talking about. LOL

You know with the dentist...it's not an uncommon thing that mistakes get made. What I would have a problem with is the lack of customer service and service recovery. It's ok that they tried to change your time...but when they couldn't get a hold of you, they should have said, oh well and stuck with the time. And if they had a mistake in their books (or even if it was totally your fault), they need to apologize and offer you something for free. I mean if they had oh my I'm so sorry that this happened and offered you say a gas card for $5 or 10% off you bill or something.....you likely would have been like ok....it's annoying but sh*t happens. What we use at work when this happens (try not to)....patient screws up time, scheduler does, doc is running more than 30 minutes behind, doc had emergency and needs to reschedule....all those things are service recovery kits. They contain gas cards, movie theater tickets, gift cards to the cafeteria.
We don't give things out in my department but I am the cs coach for mine since i deal the most with the patients. So now I REALLY notice when places have poor customer service and not any kind of service recovery.
It really makes a huge difference. Last time I had an appt, doc was running quite a bit behind. After we were roomed, someone came by every 15 minutes or so to check on us (so you don't think they forgot about you) and asked if we needed anything to drink. so instead of sitting there all crabby and irritated, we just chatted and read and felt like someone cared.

Chrissy, is there any way you can tell them to not be bugging you at work or that you might not be able to respond so much at work? Or after a certain time at night, you will not respond unless it is an emergency?

[missychrissy]

Chrissy, I'm not surprised that you're exhausted... between the job, the commute, and being a mom of 4. No one is more deserving of a bubble bath than you.

That joke is on me...The few times I tried to take a bubble bath because I hear they're so wonderful, I sit there bored and end up scrubbing the grout or something. But I did take my toys (macbook, kindle fire, and book) into my room and turned on Twister and just played last night. It was nice. Then I slept in till noon today because I got engrossed in my book till 4:00 a.m.

It just seems like it's a lot easier to say that DS has a penchant for wandering and snooping than to ask people if they are well-childproofed, if they have guns that are not locked up, if they have medications that might be accessible, if they have anything that they don't want a child seeing or playing with. It puts the burden on my child and seems less potentially accusatory and worried. And I'm actually not that worried about what people might have in their houses as long as they're safely stored, but I know most people are not used to a 5-year-old mini-investigator. I know there's no way I could have covered all of the bases.

If he is with me, I can remind him beforehand a couple of quick rules for polite behavior. I review the part about staying with his friend, not opening closed doors or drawers or cupboards, and if he's dying of curiosity to see the rest of the house, he may say, "What a nice house. May I have a tour?" I remind him to flush.

I don't think it was so much that my mom was unsure about the playdate, she was just feeling a little overwhelmed about having to do something different (ie pick him up at a new address) and get a phone number, and coordinate something. It didn't cross her mind to question the actual playdate.

I have heard the British version of Nicaragua, I think. At least I can hear it in my head perfectly. I had a high school physics teacher who was British, and I think he said the Britsh version of aluminum (AL-oo-MIN-ee-um) about a hundred times a month so it's now residing in my brain and I have a hard time saying it the US way. It's easier for me to just say 'tin foil' and then DH scowls at me for being incorrect.

Chrissy, I don't blame you for not wanting to deal with the nonstop messages after work. I think it's incredibly exhausting being on call, and it sounds like that's what you are. I would put the phone away, tell people to call if it is a real emergency, and just take a few hours of down time after work if you can. I hope your weekend is decent.

Tell yourself that since he was with another child his age, all those bases were already covered. I know I can make myself a little nuts about things that are done and over with, so that might be something I'd say to me to get me to stop dwelling on it. He's fine, had a good time...now remind g'ma to mention he is a wandering IF something like that happens again.

I've brought this on myself by being the "call me any time" kind of person. A couple weeks ago I was on the phone at 10:30 on a Saturday night. My brother tried calling but I assumed he was just out drinking and let it go to voicemail. A few minutes later, Jesi poked her head around the door and said, "Uncle Tim needs you to call him right away." I thought something was wrong, so I immediately ended my fun phone call and called Tim back. It turned out his little girl friend needed to print a cover letter but he didn't have a printer. Could he email it to me and print it at my house?

I didn't even think to get annoyed until the next day. I can't be upset with Tim because this is what I've allowed to happen. Everyone else's life and little 'emergencies' take precedence over anything else I have going on in my life. I have to curb it, but nicely. I don't want to make anyone feel bad. And I certainly don't want to put someone off so if they really do need someone, even just to talk to, they hesitate to call me.

You know with the dentist...it's not an uncommon thing that mistakes get made. What I would have a problem with is the lack of customer service and service recovery. It's ok that they tried to change your time...but when they couldn't get a hold of you, they should have said, oh well and stuck with the time. And if they had a mistake in their books (or even if it was totally your fault), they need to apologize and offer you something for free. I mean if they had oh my I'm so sorry that this happened and offered you say a gas card for $5 or 10% off you bill or something.....you likely would have been like ok....it's annoying but sh*t happens. What we use at work when this happens (try not to)....patient screws up time, scheduler does, doc is running more than 30 minutes behind, doc had emergency and needs to reschedule....all those things are service recovery kits. They contain gas cards, movie theater tickets, gift cards to the cafeteria.
We don't give things out in my department but I am the cs coach for mine since i deal the most with the patients. So now I REALLY notice when places have poor customer service and not any kind of service recovery.
It really makes a huge difference. Last time I had an appt, doc was running quite a bit behind. After we were roomed, someone came by every 15 minutes or so to check on us (so you don't think they forgot about you) and asked if we needed anything to drink. so instead of sitting there all crabby and irritated, we just chatted and read and felt like someone cared.

Chrissy, is there any way you can tell them to not be bugging you at work or that you might not be able to respond so much at work? Or after a certain time at night, you will not respond unless it is an emergency?

That's what I was getting at earlier too Jennifer. Mistakes happen. Even knowing I rarely screw up something like an appointment schedule, if someone says I told them the wrong time, I assume I did. Thankfully for my ego, I sent appointment reminder letters and could pull the chart and look at a copy of the letter I sent. But even when it was the patient's error, I would never be rude about it. "Oh, don't worry about it. These things happen." If they missed their appointment or the real one wasn't convenient for some reason, I'd simply look for something that would work for them. And I'd be nice the whole time even though it was taking me away from other work. Because the truth is, it does happen. People make mistakes. A part of our job is just working with those issues and making things work for everyone. There's no need to be a sh!t about it or rude like that one was to Mandy. And that was THEIR mistake. I can assure you, I'd be apologizing like crazy. And if I didn't know for sure if it was my error or theirs, I'd still apologize. I represented my office...and I wanted our people leaving feeling good about us. I guess I take my work way too seriously. lol

I did work with staff that didn't seem to care. One, I adored her, but she could get curt with our clients. Whenever possible, I'd butt in and take over but not in any way to make her look bad. One 12 year old was waiting by herself for her therapy appointment and I noticed she'd come to my coworker's window 2-3 times looking vulnerable. The last time, Jeannie kinda snapped and said, "I'm really busy. You need to go sit down." It instantly hurt my heart and I went out there and talked to the girl. I asked if she was ok, and she started to cry. So I took her in one of our little accounting offices and left a voicemail for her therapist that's where her client was. I brought her paper and crayons and made sure she looked better there than she did out in the waiting room.

After her appointment, her therapist came to me and raved about the wonderful thing I'd done for her. We'd just started treating adult sex offenders (state mandate-we had to) and her perpetrator was in the waiting room with her.

[AmeriBrit]

Wow, Chrissy, that is heartbreaking about the girl in the waiting room. I always feel like I am a lot more empathetic towards kids I work with than some other adults are who seem to shout at them a lot. Shouting is not my style. I always hated working in an office. There was always someone there who had an attitude problem. And don't get me started on the women I worked with who were so very catty. I always hated that.

I'm sitting here feeling slightly annoyed at my MIL. We went out today for a pub lunch (DH, me and the kids and her and FIL). We started talking about Cash and his poo issues. I'm sure I've told you guys about how he seems to have chronic loose stools. Not always diarrhea, but about 70% of the time, his stool is very soft and not like a normal "log" shaped poo. I've taken Cash to the doctor several times about it and had samples sent off. They've always come back as normal. The doctor has said to me that that is just how some people are. He's gaining weight normally and has never seemed to have any health issues other than just having very runny poo. My MIL was saying that she has no faith in the doctors whom we see because a friend of hers used to go to the same doctors office and they missed diagnosing her with cancer for a very long time, so she thinks that I need to be calling the office to demand that something be done about Cash, like going to see a specialist. I understand where she is coming from, but I think it was how she said it that irritated me. She kept going on about how when she has diarrhea, she has bad tummy pains, so poor Cash must be in pain all the time. He's never shown any signs of that; you would think if he's got tummy issues that he'd cry a lot or give some sort of sign that he's in pain? She kept saying about how her daughter (my SIL) is the kind of person who always pursues every health issue with her kids and it's always worked for her (her kids have all sorts of issues like chronic ear infections, ashtma and eczema). I know that she's only trying to help Cash because she thinks something is wrong with him, but I couldn't help but to feel a little bit under attack for not having done all that she was saying she and SIL would have done, like harrassing the doctors until they do something about it. I'm not sure what they can do for Cash since his stool samples always come back normal.

Krystal/Gretchen, that's good to know about your area and the music scene there. I'm Ashley by the way. My DH plays guitar in a rock band. He's just this week bought himself a new effects pedal that I gave him grief over because of the price. He'll cover it through gigs, but they are not a serious band, so I told him his hobby is quite an expensive one when I'd like to be saving up for a nice Spanish vacation instead! I would love to visit California one day and Florida, too *waves to Shelley.* I can imagine living in Miami like the Golden Girls....

[missychrissy]

The one that was too busy to be bothered with our 12-year-old client didn't have kids, so I'm sure she just didn't see that something was terribly wrong. As a former excessively shy child myself, I could tell by the look on her face she wasn't just bored. I think about her all the time and wonder how she's doing. I think about a lot of 'my people.' I guess that's why I'm so thrilled to be in the book club with 'my therapists' now....I don't get to hear what's going on with any of the clients (they're too professional for that), but just having that connection again fills a void in me that's hard to describe.

As for your mil, she needs to lay off. If that's Cash's normal bowel movement, it's not going to hurt him. Because it's normal for him. When she has that, it's obviously because something is wrong and for her, it's not normal. I'd be irritated too. For me, I think I'd avoid the topic altogether around her. But that's just me. If something starts irritating me, I stop talking about it with people that say things I don't like.

Perhaps your dh will be able to earn more $ than he spent on that peddle to put towards your vacation? My father's band was 'just a hobby' too, but I know without a doubt he wouldn't have been able to make it financially without it. But when I was growing up, he played very regularly and easily brought in an additional 100-200/week. That's nice in this day and age. In the 80's, that was quite a chunk of change. I took it for granted at the time, but his band must have been very popular to bring in that kind of money. Each member got 50-100/night, depending on the venue.

I've asked him if he'd ever thought about going to Nashville, even just to see if he could get a contract or gigs recording demos that were presented to the 'real' stars. He shook his head. As much as Dad loved playing, he is not and was never a risk taker. His first responsibility was always his job and family. That would have been too irresponsible for him to even try.

[AmeriBrit]

Oh, he does make quite a bit with the band; there are 4 of them, so they split it 4 ways, but back in the day, they made quite a bit when they were working most weekends. Nowadays, though, pubs and clubs don't have as many bands on and they're lucky to play one gig a month.

They have a web site; if you get a chance to look at it, here's a video of them playing (My Rich is on the right):
http://www.aquillaband.co.uk/video/

[pepperlru]

Hi Ashley!
Love the video - thanks for sharing. It's nice that your dh has something he enjoys so much that can actually bring in a little cash too -- that's the best kind of side job!

[Ky'sMom]

Hi people!! Know I have been MIA recently. I've been really sick with bronchitis. At first I thought I had jinxed myself without flu discussion and me saying I would just get tamiflu if I got it because the next day I started hacking like crazy, then got a fever of 102.2 then had some joint pain and other flu symptoms. This coincided with me starting my new job which wasn't great timing of course.

It was frustrating but kind of hilarious now that I think about it but I started the new job last week because I got a call on Tuesday from my new boss. I'll call her M, she indicated that she needed me to come in right away as they have about 10-12 procurements that J (my former boss and new supervisor) needed to show me how to complete as she didn't have time to do them in her new position. I had indicated to M that I would prefer to start on Monday or Tuesday as I wasn't feeling well and I wanted to go to the doctor before starting but she was almost begging me to come, so I told her I would come on Thursday at 8am. She said she would have her assistant give me an orientation, a badge to gain entrance to the building and do all my payroll/HR forms and such. I took the train there on Thursday morning even though I felt kind of bad, I was coughing a lot and my stomach was hurting but I figured I wouldn't be doing much of anything on the first day but orientation things anyway and getting my computer set up so I went in. Neither M nor J were at the office when I got there. M had sent her assistant to a training out of the office so she was not available to do my orientation and I was feeling kind of feverish so I told the receptionist, after I had been there for 2 hours that I was leaving and would be back on Monday. I called J and told her this, as I have her personal cell number and she tried to get me to stay and came to the office, then saw how sick I was and told me to leave lol. So I will go back tomorrow if I feel better, if not, then I will go on Tuesday, but I am feeling pretty good today, not as exhausted or sick feeling as I was last week and only a little bit of coughing right now.

Fast forward to Friday, I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a pretty bad case of bronchitis, probably stemming from my family over the Christmas holidays with their smoking as I have been coughing since then. I have to go back to the doctor on Thursday to make sure it is going away to ensure I don't develop pneumonia. But while I was in the grocery store getting my $60 worth of prescriptions, I saw Terrence Howard!! The movie star!! I didn't say anything to him because, I will admit, I noticed him earlier when I was getting half and half in the dairy department, but not his face, just a beautiful blue scarf, like a huge blue scarf with a cute design on it and I thought about how he was probably gay and I should talk to him for my best friend, who is a gay guy and likes "light skinned" black guys with pretty eyes who dress flamboyantly, but my friend doesn't have good "gay-day" lol and is always asking me if I think so and so is gay as I am the only person who knew that he was gay before he came out of the closet. I didn't really look Terrence in the face to see it was Terrence Howard but thought I wouldn't talk to him because he may not be gay and I shouldn't prejudge people as gay due to their pretty scarves - who knows - he may just be European lol. So I am giggling in my mind about this and bumped into him and said excuse me. Then went to the coffee/tea aisle to get some peppermint tea since my stomach was hurting (I like tea and cream together, which is what the half and half was for). And I saw him on that aisle as well. That time, I looked him in the face really hard, like staring, and he stared back at me and in my mind I was like "That's Terrence Howard!!!" But I didn't say anything to him because I was coughing a lot and didn't want to hack up a lung on him or seem like a crazy fan stalker type of lady. So I went to the Rx counter to get my prescriptions and my aunt called, she had driven me to the doctor and store. My aunt is a really fun person most of the time and is a celebrity fanatic and ironically we had just been talking about Terrence Howard that morning because he and Hugh Jackman are two stars who are going to be making a movie across the street from my house in a couple weeks and my aunt has been having a bad year and felt this would be the highlight of her life over the past 18 months - getting to see some celebrities and a big movie production. So I told her that I'd seen a star in the store. She said who. I told her Terrence Howard and she didn't hear me repeat his name twice but told me to get her some apples so I got off the phone and went back to the produce department to get her apples and Terrence was back there too. I figured he really thought I was a stalker then, following him all over the store but I just got my apples and went back to the front of the store and my aunt came running in saying "where's the star" lol. I told her in the produce department and she went back there and chatted him up for a few minutes and invited him to my house lol. She has been on high since then and we had to come home and watch one of the movies he is in "Crash" which is one of my favorites and now she is really looking forward to the movie to see if he will remember our address and come over the house. So I actually had an interesting time being ill lol.

Off to catch up around here.

Erin

[Gwenn]

Oh my God, Erin, I have missed you and your posts!

[AmeriBrit]

Erin!!!! Yay!!!! It's good to see you! I'm sorry you've been ill. Your Terrence Howard story is so cool! Your aunt sounds like my mom. Rich and I were once on a flight to Arkansas with Scotty Pippen and when we were leaving the airport, she chased him down for his autograph.

[Bridget]

Erin, that is a great story! I love it. Your aunt came to the grocery store! I like him too and have always thought he was a great actor. I remember seeing him on a talk show (probably Oprah) and saying his mom was black and dad was white and dad was waiting in line at the movies when his mom came and got in line with his dad. The guy behind him started hollering this and that and the N word and his dad ending up getting into a fight and accidentally killing the guy. If I remember right, Terrrence actually witnessed the fight. Anyway, that's aside. He's good looking too and I love his voice.
So glad to hear from you, Erin. My dad and bro just got over bronchitis too.

[Bridget]

I am just beside myself right now! All week I have been planning to take the kids to this winter beach party going on in my town with a chili cook off, polar plunge, sledding, ice skating, wagon rides. I timed the whole day around it, putting Sawyer to his nap early so he'd be up in time. About an hour before we left it started snowing really, really hard. It took me forever to convince Savana to go because she was wigging out that her snowpants lost their waterproofness. Finally I got us loaded after reading in the weather report that there were freezing rain advisory out and such. I was hesitant but REALLY wanted to take them and do something fun outside. Well I got about halfway there and it was snowing so far I could not see the other cars on the road, only the lights. I started thinking about how if this kept up the way home would be worse. So I turned around, broke the news, Kai screamed and cried all the way home. We pulled in the driveway and Kai went storming inside while Savana, Sawyer and I shoveled the drive and it completely freaking stopped snowing and cleared up so we would have been fine. Ugh. I hate when my instincts are wrong.

[girlwonder]

I had a day like that yesterday, Bridget! Almost in tears because I screwed things up for us so much. My friend needed someone to watch her kid while she went to a funeral so I said we could. She dropped him off an 9:30 and I told J we would go to the butterfly festival when they came back, so I was thinking it would be 12:30 or 1 latest. Well she texts me at 1:15 saying they are going to leave in a 15 minutes or so and the drive back from San Marcos should only take a half hour or so. There was bad traffic and they ended up not coming back until 2:45! And he was really anxious and kept asking me to call his mom because he was ready to go, he wouldn't eat anything and was just a worry-wart the whole time. Grrr. JoJo was crying because we missed the butterfly fest and it was just an extra long and stressful day. I wish I had been more clear about where the funeral was (out of town) and when we could have expected them back.

[missychrissy]

Oh, he does make quite a bit with the band; there are 4 of them, so they split it 4 ways, but back in the day, they made quite a bit when they were working most weekends. Nowadays, though, pubs and clubs don't have as many bands on and they're lucky to play one gig a month.

They have a web site; if you get a chance to look at it, here's a video of them playing (My Rich is on the right):
http://www.aquillaband.co.uk/video/

The only thing that did was make me want to fly out there and go watch his band perform with you.

Erin, I'm so sorry you got so sick, but that story about your aunt and the star is a hoot!!! We've missed you! You need to try to get pics if they're filming right across the street from your house.

Katy and B, sorry you guys had such bad days. I had an adventure of sorts myself. I suddenly decided I wanted to fix Conner desktop. The one that's been broke for 5-6 months. It's so rare for me to feel 'in the mood' I thought, I better do it now. But Microsoft has made it virtually impossible to get a full install of any of their operating systems in any brick-and-mortar store. I knew this...so I called Best Buy. I talked to two people and spelled out specifically why I needed the full install, NOT just the upgrade. I even explained that if they only had a full install of Windows 7, I'd take that. The first girl thought it was the full install, but wasn't sure so she transferred me to the Geed Squad guy Brian. Right then I should have hung up-who has a worse reputation than Geek Squad techs? He assured me what they had in stock would be a full install that I could place on a brand new, totally blank drive.

So I drove up there. Found the drive (on sale, great price), and went to seek out the software. It looked like the upgrade to me, so I chatted with the guy on the floor. He assured me I'd be able to install Windows 8 on my brand new drive with that box I had in my hand. I still wasn't sure-Microsoft wouldn't make it this easy and cheap! So I went back and chatted with the folks at the Geek Squad counter. Brian even came out from back and again assured me that's all I'd need.

So I went to check out and guess what? Not in stock. And not only that, the box I had in my hand was upgrade only. I lost it. I didn't scream, but I didn't exactly use a polite indoor voice. I said, "You gotta be kidding me." I went through the whole story of everyone I talked to in the store, both on the phone and once I was there. I said, "FOUR people assured me THIS DISK was a full Windows 8 install and you had it in stock. I was clear on the phone that I didn't want to waste my trip out here if you didn't have it." I went on to add, "I've only heard horrible things about Best Buy. This is the first time I've ever been to your store as a paying customer, and this is my experience? You SUCK!" and I walked out.

Yeah, I'm wicked witch when I get ripped around.

I don't think I'm brilliant when it comes to IT things by any stretch of the imagination, but I was feeling like a freaking genius after talking to those idiots. Please, if you take no other advice from me about anything, don't EVER take any advice from Best Buy or Geek Squad. Ever. You'd think the people that work there and sell the Operating System would at least know as much about it as I do.