Secular Confessions

[dana_renay]

I don't hate pink so much as I hate how it seems to take over your house if you have a little girl. Bridget, I think I got almost everything you were trying to say, lol. "Effoye" took me a while but I finally translated that as "efforts". But what about "the barking dogs that wall"? I actually love those kinds of typos and take great pride in being able to translate even the most horrible gibberish most of the time!

[girlwonder]

I'm sorry about Khan - hope it is just a UTI.

I think there is a way to celebrate a holiday without turning it into a Christian thing. Maybe you could decorate a tree outside with a few ornaments and birdseed ornaments and do some birdwatching for a couple of weeks. Instead of opening presents on the day, open one present a day like Hanukkah and then on Christmas Day itself, volunteer with meals on wheels or some other organization. Make a special meal and have it together with friends and make the day about being with loved ones and friends. Celebrate Kwanzaa, Hanukkah and Christmas and make it about learning about other cultures of the world. Write letters to loved ones with pictures by Dae enclosed. There are so many things to do to create your own holiday that it makes me a little annoyed with him that he can't seem to find his way around it. What a strange thing that he came home with a tree when he was so bothered by it all.

[Gwenn]

Dana, I am sorry for your argument with DH. I can relate to the feeling of wanting to find a way for your family to celebrate the holidays in a way that works for you. I hope over time you can find something that works out.

Oh, and I am glad you are back. ;) I know I joined in eventually, but I was also having a hard time with the shooting talk.

Suja, best wishes to Khan. I also hope it is just a UTI.

And joining in the conversation above - you girls mean so much to me and I love you all. I was trying to explain to DH about you girls and I just couldn't find the words. He is concerned because he knows I spend a lot of time on here and he feels that the majority of my socializing revolves around pregnancy since it comes from this forum, and with my IF situation he doesn't think that's healthy. I was explaining that really, most of my socializing in here isn't pregnancy related but he just didn't get what this thread is all about. I defies description in a way. But I am tremendously grateful for each of you ladies and thanks for being here for me.

[missychrissy]

We defy description all right

Seriously, that's very sweet and I think on one level the guys just aren't gonna get it. With the exception of Ash's dh, they probably cannot grasp how you can make emotional connections online. I think Rich has a clue how important y'all are to me. He was very sweet when I called him at work when Sherry died. I was bawling... you don't just do that over people that don't mean something to you.

Dana, I'm sorry your dh isn't on board with at least doing the tree. I'm so non-religious I forget about the whole Jesus thing unless I see someone posting on FB about it. For me, Christmas really is all about Santa and the tree. And gifts and food of course. But it's all non-religious. It's about friends and family and giving to those you love. In my house.

[daylilies]

I don't like pink for myself, but if I had a girl she'd probably be decked out in pink a lot. I especially like pink and brown together on little girls.

Gwenn, I know what you mean about not being able to describe the relationship we all have. People assume that a board like this stays within the parameters of its purpose-like pregnancy and child raising. But I think it's so great when an online community can come outside of its original purpose and be there as a general support for people.

In relation to what Katy said, for us, Christmas is really just another excuse to get together, eat good food, tell stories, catch up with friends and family you haven't heard from or heard about in a while. I think it's a nice time to hear the traditional stories and carols as they hold a special place in my heart too.

It was the funniest thing-I had a Himalayan salt lamp on my amazon wish list but I wasn't sure if anyone got it for me. I saw my uncle opening one from my mom on Christmas and I reached over and checked the tag. I thought he was opening mine! My mom started laughing at me and said "That one's for him!" Turns out he had asked for one too and my mom got one for him and one for me.

(by the way I really like it-it's supposed to help with SAD and it is such a nice warm glow-like a big candle.)

[demigraf]

I wanna see your salt lamp!!!

Suja, I'm so sorry to hear about Khan, and that your Xmas was prob'ly filled with worry. I'm glad he's rallying, tho'.

DH doesn't understand a thing about any time I spend on social networking. I feel the variety of people I've met has constantly stretched me as a person. I live in a progressive, diverse area, and still there are some types of folks I wouldn't meet anywhere else but online. It keeps me nimble, that's for sure.

[Bridget]

Wow that last post of mine was ugly! I almost want to erase it. Dana, it was walking and barking dogs. Electronic, made in China stuff that I normally wouldn't buy. I had to, though. They fell in love with them at the store.

Find has finally stopped referring to you guys as my pretend friends. He gets it in a really vague way.

We are picking up his 20 year old son at the airport tonight for a ten day stay. I am nervous that our home is not comfortable for a stay that long. My living room is like a school room. He will have to sleep on a mattress on the playroom floor. There is no other space! I hope he enjoys himself. I feel like our life is boring for anyone over the age of ten lol.

[daylilies]

https://twitter.com/BHCookbook/statu...562754/photo/1

Can you see this, Myles?

[missychrissy]

I'm sure he'll have a great time Bridget.

Bobbie took engagement pics of Kaleb & Jesi...I think you're all my friends on FB (?). You should check them out. They're CUTE!

[daylilies]

They are really cute, Chrissy.

[Cosmosmom]

Anyone here read First magazine? it's a women's magazine. My BFF is in there!!!! It's one with a cover with Dr. Oz on it. I think she said she is on page 35. I need to go out and get a copy.

[missychrissy]

How neat. Is she featured in an article? What's it about? Is it available online?

[AmeriBrit]

I forgot that your bf had an older son, B! I hope he has a good time with you guys. I'm sure he'll love spending time with his younger brothers and sister.

Chrissy, I saw the engagement photos on FB; they are a very cute couple!

You guys who are watching Downton Abbey, season 3 is so much better than season 2! I can't wait for season 4 now! I won't have anything to watch now that Downton Abbey is off air and Homeland as well. Oh, wait, there's still Mad Men; we're only up to season 3 on that. I think there's a new period drama called Selfridges that's due to begin soon, so we'll probably watch that and see what it's like.

There was some family drama recently on the US side of the pond; my niece who just turned 16 announced to the world on FB that she is pregnant. I rang my mom to ask her why she hadn't told me and she hadn't even told my mom the news, so it was all a bit awkward. I cannot imagine being pregnant so young. I hope my boys don't have kids too young; I'm like Chris Rock's mom on Everybody Hates Chris: "I ain't raising no grandbabies!"

We did our usual Christmas things. On Christmas Eve, I took Travis to MIL's church where they do a short nativity play and they give the kids something called a "Christingle." I had never heard of it before coming here, but it's an orange with a red stripe ribbon around it with 4 toothpicks stuck in it with some gummy sweets stuck on the end of them. It represents the world, Christ's blood and the 4 seasons. Travis dismantled it as soon as we got out of church and ate all the sweets. I thought I'd take him since they learned about Jesus and Christianity at school this year. I'm sure he doesn't believe any of it as truth (just yet). On Christmas day, we went to SIL's where she did her annual Christmas brunch. It's mostly for her DH's family's benefit because he comes from a divorced home, so it's the one time that his parents and step-parents are in the same room with all the grandkids. DH and I said that we'll have to decline going next year because they do their whole gift-exchange there, so it's always been awkward trying to explain to Travis why he doesn't have any presents there to open. I'm sure SIL will throw a fit and say we're being anti-social, but she'll have to get over it. His family are the most boring family I think I've ever met. They are very artificial and don't make any attempt to chat with us when we're there, so DH and I usually end up watching everyone's kids while they chat about what cruise they've been on, what new luxury car they're going to buy or what business they've bought recently. There's a lot of drama amongst them because BIL's dad divorced his mum for his younger secretary, blah blah blah, but I just can't be bothered in entertaining their soap opera.

The kids got some great presents this year and some Christmas cash, so I'll be going shopping later to get them both some new clothes and to let them pick out another toy. DH requested that I not buy him anything, so I didn't. He'd much rather hold on to his money than open a present on Christmas day. He did really, really good this year and got me 2 nice sweaters and some American candy. Last night, we were sitting on the couch and he turned to me and said, "Go look in your closet near your shoes to see what I found." I wondered what he was talking about, so I went and looked. There was a big box of bath goodies from Lush. He said he'd forgotten that he'd them there on Christmas day! LOL.

I suppose my focus now should be on preparing for my teaching interview and to study for the math and literacy tests that go with it, but for today, I'm just going to enjoy the extended Christmas spirit. I'm sure there's more to tell you guys, but I've said enough for now.

[Cosmosmom]

I don't think that it's online. It's one of those things they do where they feature a person who has lost weight and how they did it. She lost a lot but has been way better at keeping it off than I was!

Ashley that sounds like a pretty nice holiday! Even the drama is at least a little entertaining and if nothing else, makes one appreciate having a drama free life.....well at least that does for me when I hear family drama. I told my aunt last time I saw her that they needed some new friends....so much drama. I like my life better....DH and I are pretty boring and drama free.

[dana_renay]

Mmmmm...Lush! Enjoy your goodies, Ashley.
Geez, ten days is a long visit, Bridget! Hope everything works out ok.

[daylilies]

Good for your friend, Jennifer!

We are so drama free. We don't have any real friends that we hang out with, LOL. DH plays a computer game online that he's been a part of for 8 years? I think? and has gotten to know a lot of people on there pretty well. They're a lot like us, they mostly just play the game together but sometimes real life creeps in and they're all there to support each other. Well, turns out a couple who plays just got engaged, but we think it's one of those "let's try to fix our problems by getting married" things, which of course is not for us to judge, but that's just what it seems like. They were ready to break up and then the guy called us asking for ideas on how to ask her to marry him. Anyway, the funny thing is that the guy has asked my husband to be his girlfriend's maid of honor. I just don't even know where to start...I mean yes I know guys sometimes stand up for the woman, if she has no close women in her life. But that the guy asked her, and his girlfriend barely knows DH...it's just really odd.

The point being, that's about as much drama as we get our life. We haven't had problems with the inlaws in a while, which can happen if you look at them funny.

[missychrissy]

That's very strange Kate. I wonder if she knows he was going to ask your dh that?

[daylilies]

I'm not sure. DH hasn't gotten a chance to talk to her yet.

[3andMe]

DD told my mil today that she didn't believe in gods but she did believe in Santa Claus. Oh,
except she did believe in the god of liberty.

[missychrissy]

[dana_renay]

The god of liberty, lol. Your kids come up with some funny stuff!

Drama can be fascinating when it's far removed from you. I know people who seem to thrive on drama and always have some big deal going on (or are inserting themselves into a situation for the sake of drama!). My mom's family is very much like that. I, myself, recognized a number of years ago that I did have a propensity for drama, but was much happier when there was none. Since then, I have worked very hard to recognize how drama gets perpetuated and to remove all sources of drama from my life. I'm happy to say that it's been very effective and I no longer have any tolerance for that kind of bullcrap on my turf. I might vicariously enjoy someone else's drama from time to time, but my life is a drama-free zone as much as possible these days.

[missychrissy]

I stay out of other people's drama too. I don't have the patience for it. But then, having 3 teenage girls and in recent years a rocky marriage and ultimate split, I've had more than my share. Prior to the kids growing to teens and me & Rich's demise, I stayed out of drama at all costs.

I guess that's what is surprising most to me, how my kids grew up with parents that weren't argumentative and we definitely didn't get involved in other people's problems, yet they still do the whole teenage-drama thing. I'm hoping it's just a developmental stage. Each of them can rattle on for hours about what's going on in their friends lives and what they think said friend should or should not do. It's exasperating! lol

They've actually settled down quite a bit. I don't know if it was the timing of things, or if me & Rich's issues exasperated it...or perhaps I had less tolerance at that time but the teenage drama stuff has been better in the last 5-6 months. I also credit Kaleb coming into Jesi's life for that. She's calmed way down since he's been with her. I him!

[Suja]

I'm glad Kaleb is a good kid, Chrissy. Since they seem to be serious, it's a good thing that he is a good influence on her, and that you like him as well. Somewhere you had mentioned something about the National Guard. Is she serious about it?

[missychrissy]

Yes. As a matter of fact she spoke with a recruiter yesterday and is in the midst of filling out the 3 hour online application right now. Poor girl is getting so aggravated It's quite tedious.

[missychrissy]

That application took her 3.5 hours! It wanted everything...including her current health insurance any any prior health insurance. I don't even remember what insurance she had before Health Now. I think it was Family Health Plus through the state, but it could have been CDPHP. That is also through the state and I can't remember the criteria for each. Rich & I had one, the kids had the other. We paid in something like $13/month for it while I was going to college. That's all I remember. I hope that it's not going to be a big deal. She has seen the same dr since birth, so they'll find out everything they want to know.

Maybe...Shoot, I just remembered that her dr's office failed to transfer any of my daughter's records from paper to the digital system. I went round and round with them trying to get Bobbie's shot records because by law they're supposed to have them, but ended up having to get a copy from her nurse's office because they claimed they couldn't locate her paper chart. I know Syd and Jesi's digital charts were blank as well.

[Bridget]

Good for her, glad she is sticking with it. What does Kaleb "do"?
Dbf' s son is freaking fantastic! He is 22, btw which tripped me out. I had no idea that much time has passed since we last saw him. He is so wonderful with the kids and they adore him. He has a 3 year old himself so always wants to talk about child development which I think is so endearing. He is a good egg fo sho.
Had a daycare family contact me today. They hate their new place and want to know if I will take the 3 kids. I told her I need a few days to think. I am loving our rhythm these days and hate to mess with it but these are kids my kids adore and I am pretty fond of myself. The 2 older would be just an be an hour in tHe morning before school and the 4 year old until 1 and she could come along for our morning activities. Hmmm what to do. Might be just the answer to get find off my back about money for the kids' lessons. I will see what my kids think too.

[missychrissy]

Kaleb is in the midst of trying to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up. He's started talking about possibly doing the National Guard as well, but he's not sure. Every day he does something, but it's all things like chopping/delivering wood, helping my brother and his buddy work on cars (they attached two plows last week to a couple pickup trucks). He'll do whatever he can.

Kaleb is really a wonderful kid and I'm not sure what his story is but his mom hasn't made any attempt to have anything to do with him since he moved in with Rich. I think the bf threw Kaleb out, and she didn't stick up for him. I can't fathom what he could have done, what any kid could do, to make a mother that negligent. When Rich took him to get his clothes, he heard the bf start screaming at Kaleb so he went and stood in the doorway while he got his stuff. Just to be moral support for him. Kaleb didn't talk back, got his stuff, and I think that's been the last contact he's had with his mom (she was sitting there letting the bf verbally abuse him and didn't say a word). It's been 5-6 months.

At any rate, education and careers weren't important in that family at all. They kinda float by living mostly on the system. Kaleb and I (as well as Rich) talk a lot about what he wants to do and what he'd need to do now to get there. He'd definitely not lazy and he's always polite. The whole thing breaks my heart even though he doesn't talk about his mom much. I just know it couldn't have been a good situation for him.

That's wonderful about dbf's son being so great with your kids and being receptive to childhood development. It almost sounds like his interest is putting his father's to shame a little bit.

And yay about the possibility of having the daycare kids again!

[Suja]

Poor kid! It's good that he is so well adjusted despite his circumstances.

Bridget, that's a tough call! Good that you have that option, though.

[missychrissy]

Y'all are being quiet! I hope everyone is enjoying some quality family time.

I've been lazy all day. It felt great to have nothing going on and to sleep on and off all day, bu tnow it's 12:39 a.m. and I'm wide awake. I could never be independently wealthy because I'm sure I'd end up a nocturnal recluse, with the internet being my sole access to real life. It wouldn't be healthy.

I can't say I'm really anxious to return to work though. I'm just not going to think about it.

[3andMe]

We've been out of town, but we're back and everyone in the family except me and DD are a mess. I think Toddler S. sprained DH's ankle. He leaped on him from a rock, causing DH to take a step back, twist his ankle and fall down, and drop S. in the process. I'm taking him to the doctor tomorrow to be sure it's no worse than a sprain. He can barely put weight on it and it's swollen even down around his toes, despite the RICE (rest, ice, compression, elevation) treatment.

To make matters worse, he picked up a GI bug on the drive back, and we had to stop every short while and find a bathroom for him in a hurry, when he could only hobble and hop. One place we stopped was a playground where supposedly the kids could play, but there were a bunch of guys hanging around outside the bathroom and DH tried to go inside but there were a guy and a girl engaged in the actual act of prostitution in the stall-free bathroom. I'm just glad the kids didn't need to use the bathroom. And was impressed with the line-up of guys outside. So we had to grab the kids and leave quickly and find a new place with a better bathroom. At least better for us.

Anyway, the trip home took a long time and then after we got home the other boys started having tummy troubles. I put a pan down on the living room floor for one sick boy while the other kids ate dinner, and then S. came into the living room patting his belly and proclaiming his satisfaction and then stopped unexpectedly and hurled into the pan (mostly) and me (a little bit). All this on top of the fact that everyone, and mostly DH, is still coughing from before Christmas.

To cheer everyone up, I will now add DD's rendition of the last part of the 12 Days of Christmas song, which is totally stuck in my head, "Two turtle dugs and a parchard in a pear tree."