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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #37501
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    I agree that what we have isn't working. I don't want a placebo, like Kate said, though. I want a real solution and not just the ability to say I tried something.

    But like we all agree, there are many different angles and we need to work on all of them to make real change happen.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  2. #37502
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    I'm not saying that having an armed military personal is a solution at all. Just a layer of protection until the solutions have an opportunity to start working. It doesn't have to be the national guard. I don't care what branch they use. I simply think our military is already on salary so let's use them.

    I know people would stroke out but if it's not them it should be police. I'm not opposed to it being police officers either, but the federal government is going to have to pay for it. Our schools are already hurting for money (a whole other problem). They won't be able to afford it.

    Our middle/high school (they're connected) has an on duty police officer in the building when school is in session already. I don't know how they manage to do it, but they have. I think all schools should have them.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  3. #37503

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    I'll tell you what: I'll give you armed guards in schools if you give me a ban on assault weapons and the solutions that Chrissy mentioned. Then I won't see it as a placebo or a meaningless gesture, but as part of something that will really and truly protect my child. It's all going to be very, very expensive.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  4. #37504
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    I'll tell you what: I'll give you armed guards in schools if you give me a ban on assault weapons and the solutions that Chrissy mentioned. Then I won't see it as a placebo or a meaningless gesture, but as part of something that will really and truly protect my child. It's all going to be very, very expensive.
    Yeah, we can't put armed guards in schools and expect that to be the solution. It isn't a great answer and makes me feel more like I'm sending my kids to a military controlled school, but when I think about seeing our OPD officer in the hall, it's not really as horrible as all that. She's in uniform, but I saw her chatting and smiling with the kids. She made me feel good about her being there and Syd has never said anything bad about it. I can't remember if she was there when Bobbie & Jesi were in school or not. I can ask Rich's stepdad when they implemented that. He works for the school.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  5. #37505
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    It's all going to be very, very expensive.
    That's for sure.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  6. #37506
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    What's 'too expensive' to try to save lives of children? I know no number.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  7. #37507
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    Oh, no one said too expensive. But it will be expensive.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  8. #37508
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    There are so many areas where we can pull money. One, in NY, is the tax credit the movie and television production companies receive for filming in NY. Since 2001 or 2003, NY has given them 7 billion dollars in tax credits. And with a tax credit, if they don't make enough to owe state taxes, they're issued a check. From the state. 7 billion dollars. For tvs and movies? We need to rearrange our priorities.

    I'm sure we all know of areas where there's indeed wasteful spending and tax credits to those that don't really need them.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  9. #37509

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    I bet some people will forget how they feel right now when two years from now their taxes go up. I hope that we can all pull together to really change everything we have talked about. We must do it, and I don't care what we do first but we must do as much of it as we possibly can. I have already written my Congressman and Senators and have a note in my calendar to call them weekly to make sure they remember to make this a priority. I hope you all can contact your representatives in Congress. Right now it is really the only thing I can do.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  10. #37510
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    I hope not Katy. How could they? I know some will...and some already seem to not care. But as a society we have to change our attitude. Or keep losing our children. The idea is too much for me.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  11. #37511

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    Here's where you can find the name/number/contact info for your rep/sen: http://www.bradynetwork.org/site/Pag...name=BCPlookup

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  12. #37512
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    Here's where you can find the name/number/contact info for your rep/sen: http://www.bradynetwork.org/site/Pag...name=BCPlookup
    Thank you. I'm bookmarking that site.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  13. #37513

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    I hope not Katy. How could they? I know some will...and some already seem to not care. But as a society we have to change our attitude. Or keep losing our children. The idea is too much for me.
    I ran into a friend on Thursday who asked me how I was and I said "Oh, trying to work through the bad stuff" and he didn't know what I was talking about and I said "The Connecticut thing" (JoJo was right next to me and I didn't want to get into it) and he said "Oh, are you having a hard time with that?" I just thought it was the weirdest thing. Who isn't ?!?!?! I guess he's not. My brother said he is just blocking it out and not thinking about it. I'm not capable of blocking it out in that way. I'm blocking out thinking too much about the babies and what really happened to them, I don't think I can have those details in my head. I don't want to look at their photos or think about them at all because I wouldn't be able to stop crying even for a minute. But I never stop thinking about it and how we can try our best to protect our babies from future madmen with guns.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  14. #37514
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    Whoa...so my mind is just blown.

    I am still in touch with my BFF from age seven. She refuses to be on Facebook and doesn't text so we really are only in touch through email, so I don't have long chats with her the way I do you girls in here. But we still check in with each other especially on birthdays, holidays, etc. She was actually really amazing when my sister lost power during Sandy because she lives fairly close to my sister and sent me a lot of local news updates that I passed along and even researched their school closure and everything.

    So I was talking to my mom about her the other day while we had a long conversation about my old friends from NY. This friend, T, made a choice to stay single and child-free for various deeply personal reasons. She broke it off with a guy who really wanted to settle down and start a family with her because they just couldn't agree about having kids. This was more than 10 years ago and she hasn't had a relationship since. By choice. She is gorgeous and used to be a model.

    I emailed tonight to check and see if the Mayan apocalypse had got her yet (not so far) and she wrote back to say that she had just been in touch with this same guy after he called to see if she was okay during the whole Sandy thing. And they are going to the movies this weekend! I think the world really must be coming to an end.

    ETA: sorry for the abrupt subject change.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 12-21-2012 at 11:16 PM.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  15. #37515
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    Oh wow. I can't fathom not being impacted by it. I know lots of people that don't even have kids (by choice) that seemed saddened on a very deep level by it. My brother doesn't usually watch national news at all and doesn't seem to care about what's going on, and even he had to give Conner an extra big hug and kiss before he got on the bus one day this week and he said he got teary eyed thinking of the parents that did just that last Friday.

    As hard as this is, and I definitely feel a deep depression from it, I'd not want to be the kind that doesn't feel impacted by it.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  16. #37516
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Whoa...so my mind is just blown.

    I am still in touch with my BFF from age seven. She refuses to be on Facebook and doesn't text so we really are only in touch through email, so I don't have long chats with her the way I do you girls in here. But we still check in with each other especially on birthdays, holidays, etc. She was actually really amazing when my sister lost power during Sandy because she lives fairly close to my sister and sent me a lot of local news updates that I passed along and even researched their school closure and everything.

    So I was talking to my mom about her the other day while we had a long conversation about my old friends from NY. This friend, T, made a choice to stay single and child-free for various deeply personal reasons. She broke it off with a guy who really wanted to settle down and start a family with her because they just couldn't agree on this issue. This was more than 10 years ago and she hasn't had a relationship since. By choice. She is gorgeous and used to be a model.

    I emailed tonight to check and see if the Mayan apocalypse had got her yet (not so far) and she wrote back to say that she had just been in touch with this same guy after he called to see if she was okay during the whole Sandy thing. And they are going to the movies this weekend! I think the world really must be coming to an end.

    ETA: sorry for the abrupt subject change.
    It's ok, it's happy news! That was 10 years ago. This is now. Maybe she's ready to consider 'settling down'?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  17. #37517

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    Maybe it's just the right time now for her. I hope she gets whatever she wants.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    Whoa...so my mind is just blown.

    I am still in touch with my BFF from age seven. She refuses to be on Facebook and doesn't text so we really are only in touch through email, so I don't have long chats with her the way I do you girls in here. But we still check in with each other especially on birthdays, holidays, etc. She was actually really amazing when my sister lost power during Sandy because she lives fairly close to my sister and sent me a lot of local news updates that I passed along and even researched their school closure and everything.

    So I was talking to my mom about her the other day while we had a long conversation about my old friends from NY. This friend, T, made a choice to stay single and child-free for various deeply personal reasons. She broke it off with a guy who really wanted to settle down and start a family with her because they just couldn't agree about having kids. This was more than 10 years ago and she hasn't had a relationship since. By choice. She is gorgeous and used to be a model.

    I emailed tonight to check and see if the Mayan apocalypse had got her yet (not so far) and she wrote back to say that she had just been in touch with this same guy after he called to see if she was okay during the whole Sandy thing. And they are going to the movies this weekend! I think the world really must be coming to an end.

    ETA: sorry for the abrupt subject change.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  18. #37518

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    'night all. time for me to pack it in. love you all and live in hope that one day we can all have a gigantic meetup.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  19. #37519
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    'night all. time for me to pack it in. love you all and live in hope that one day we can all have a gigantic meetup.
    That would be awesome. Goodnight.

    It's nearly 12:30 a.m. here. I should probably find my bed too.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  20. #37520
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    It's ok, it's happy news! That was 10 years ago. This is now. Maybe she's ready to consider 'settling down'?
    I am not arrogant enough to assume that everyone needs the same things to be happy, but I really want her to be happy. I hope this is a positive change for her, whether anything works out with this guy or not.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  21. #37521
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    Quote Originally Posted by girlwonder View Post
    'night all. time for me to pack it in. love you all and live in hope that one day we can all have a gigantic meetup.
    Me too.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  22. #37522
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    Did you think she was unhappy when she was single?

    Honestly, I can really see myself being single for that long. I haven't met anyone and can't think of anyone that I'd care to waste any time dating. Well, there's one but he's married so...

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  23. #37523
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Did you think she was unhappy when she was single?

    Honestly, I can really see myself being single for that long. I haven't met anyone and can't think of anyone that I'd care to waste any time dating.
    Honestly I'm not sure. We have been friends for over 30 years now and she is like family to me, but she doesn't share her emotions easily and she usually covers them with a heavy layer of sarcasm. She has a career she loves, has had some stories and articles published which was always a dream for both of us, and lots of other great things. She always sounds like there isn't much happening in her life, though. I always got the sense there was something missing for her, but maybe that's me reading too much into it.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  24. #37524
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    Well, at the very least if it doesn't work out she sounds like the type that wouldn't hesitate to go back to that single and free lifestyle.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  25. #37525
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Did you think she was unhappy when she was single?

    Honestly, I can really see myself being single for that long. I haven't met anyone and can't think of anyone that I'd care to waste any time dating. Well, there's one but he's married so...
    I do think she has a similar outlook to that, though. No point in wasting anyone's time. She said as much to me when she broke up with this guy.
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    Well, at the very least if it doesn't work out she sounds like the type that wouldn't hesitate to go back to that single and free lifestyle.
    Oh, certainly. She is by no means clingy! LOL!
    Me (40) DH (47) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  27. #37527
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    Yeesh, you ladies have been busy! Thought I'd make a quick post that there was an armed guard (Sheriff's Deputy) at Columbine on the day that massacre happened.

  28. #37528
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    I have to say it affected me BUT the one at the movie theater affected me as well and just as much. Any child death does. A friend of mine who is a prof in social work has spent his focus on inner city kids and made a point that kids get shot all the time at inner city schools and it barely makes the news....but a well to do school full of white kids and it's all over the news. Now I think he has a point but I also think that CT was especially shocking and awful.

    What about recess? Do we stop letting them play outside? What about buses? What about after school activities? What about a movie theater showing a kids movie? I don't know, I just think that if someone is determined.....a single armed guard isn't going to do much. It seems like we need to have resources because family and friends often say that something was off and aren't shocked when he does this.

    Even a country vastly different from ours....this could happen. Look at the one in Norway.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  29. #37529
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Yeesh, you ladies have been busy! Thought I'd make a quick post that there was an armed guard (Sheriff's Deputy) at Columbine on the day that massacre happened.
    Yep...and he was called out to a 'back lot' and went there. It appears he did try to engage them in gunfire too. Everything happened very fast and was over in minutes-with lots of confusion. Here's a link to what he did and why. It makes sense to me that he couldn't stop them given the circumstances. We have to remember-this was before Columbine. The doors weren't locked. Schools didn't have the security like they do now or the "post-Columbine" mentality.
    http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2000/col...UTIES_TEXT.htm

    No one is saying this is THE fix for active shooters in school. Only that's it's better than letting our kids sit there defenseless and with armed police 5 or more minutes away. At least have one in the building. It might also dissuade some would-be shooters from attempting it, just having them there.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    I have to say it affected me BUT the one at the movie theater affected me as well and just as much. Any child death does. A friend of mine who is a prof in social work has spent his focus on inner city kids and made a point that kids get shot all the time at inner city schools and it barely makes the news....but a well to do school full of white kids and it's all over the news. Now I think he has a point but I also think that CT was especially shocking and awful.

    What about recess? Do we stop letting them play outside? What about buses? What about after school activities? What about a movie theater showing a kids movie? I don't know, I just think that if someone is determined.....a single armed guard isn't going to do much. It seems like we need to have resources because family and friends often say that something was off and aren't shocked when he does this.

    Even a country vastly different from ours....this could happen. Look at the one in Norway.
    I do agree that it's a crying shame that the inner city shootings have long since been ignored. However, I do believe if 20 of them were shot, that too would be all over the news. I, myself, would be as horrified regardless of what school that happened in. And the mall and movie shootings got me too. I think for me, it's the fact that they're happening faster and faster. Not a week goes by without another mass killing. WHEN will it end? I'm getting mad about it. Mad at society for saying "____ won't work" F'ck it dammit! LET'S DO SOMETHING! Even if it's wrong-we HAVE to do something! I don't care the cost. As time goes on, we can better determine what works, what doesn't, and make changes accordingly. But sitting here saying everything won't work and doing nothing is most definitely NOT working.

    As far as risks in every day life, I don't even know what to say about that. Yeah, there are risks. But we design cars safer and safer all the time. Merchandise is recalled when they're found to be dangerous and deadly. Mental health and gun laws as well as other steps our society can take to limit/stop school shootings will also benefit our community theaters and malls. Will life ever be perfectly safe? Absolutely not. But that doesn't mean we don't use our intelligence to try and make it as safe as possible. Heck, why even bother with vaccines if you think, "Well, this kid might grow up and get hit by a bus anyway, why inoculate against diseases?" It makes no sense to me.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  30. #37530
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    Hi everyone! I just wanted to pop in here and say hi. I have been overwhelmingly busy again lately with people out sick from work, working extra, evening activities, and trying desperately to finish Christmas shopping in the two hours I had with the kids on Thursday.

    I have been mostly trying not to think about the school shooting. For the first day or two, every time I thought about it, I started crying, which was just terrible for me and I had to be really careful not to think about it around the kids. There are signs up at the kindergarten that say they want no discussion of the events anywhere on the school grounds, and the principal sent out a really nice letter (after the initial response from the school district) about how kids hear things even if we think they're not paying attention, and we should try to shield them it if possible, or explain simply and reassure them and then not bring it up again if they do hear about it. She said we should model good mental health and show them that we take care of ourselves if we are having a hard time coping.

    This has definitely hit me harder than any of the other mass shootings that have happened over the years. Maybe it's because my children are the same age. It's so easy to picture. Any time I think of my children in a class room and their teacher telling them kind things so those will be the last things they hear instead of screams or gunfire, I can so easily just break down. In fact, I'm going to have to turn my thoughts away from this in a second because my kids are in the room next to me and I'm starting to cry. So it's helped that I've been busy, and we don't have the news on unless we seek it out--we only have Netflix for tv, no cable. My internet front page doesn't have a news page. What I listen to on the way to work now are podcasts of stories. I've heard more about it on APA than anywhere else.

    When I have had other things that I had a hard time dealing with, I learned that it was better for me to NOT spend a lot of time thinking about it, because it just created this cycle of sadness and rumination and it didn't help me process anything at all. It's easier for me to turn my thoughts away and just probe at it lightly, like a sore tooth, as much as I'm able to tolerate, in bits and pieces.

    s <---- That was from Toddler S, who frequently asks to type an s while I'm typing. It's his favorite letter.

    I have two weeks off work now, but got up at 3:30 this morning to do some paperwork because I haven't been able to get it done during working hours and it's due before Christmas. I still have some left and it's hard to do when the children are awake. We're trying to optimize the electronic documentation system we implemented back in July.


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