Secular Confessions

[Cosmosmom]

Chrissy I'm glad that I'm not the only one. I have toned it down a bit as I have gotten older. Thank god.

Yeah see I don't LIKE this cousin of his. I never have. Even better is we have the same name. Family all kisses her a$$ and think she is just wonderful. FB showed her true colors to some of the family. I don't really want anything to do with her but suck it up basically for MIL. But really since we live on the other side of the state, we only get to his family things once a year or maybe every two years. The people in his family I want to see like his mom and his other uncle and grandpa....we see when we can.

You can have differences and still be kind and have respect (though I have it easier with religion than I do with extreme right wing...).....I just don't respect her at all. Your Faye sounds like a very sweet and caring woman.

[missychrissy]

Chrissy I'm glad that I'm not the only one. I have toned it down a bit as I have gotten older. Thank god.

Yeah see I don't LIKE this cousin of his. I never have. Even better is we have the same name. Family all kisses her a$$ and think she is just wonderful. FB showed her true colors to some of the family. I don't really want anything to do with her but suck it up basically for MIL. But really since we live on the other side of the state, we only get to his family things once a year or maybe every two years. The people in his family I want to see like his mom and his other uncle and grandpa....we see when we can.

You can have differences and still be kind and have respect (though I have it easier with religion than I do with extreme right wing...).....I just don't respect her at all. Your Faye sounds like a very sweet and caring woman.

Faye really is. I think without her, I'd have literally walked out already.

I do struggle with keeping it together if I already strongly dislike the person. Like I said, if someone continuously uses me, I'll keep it to myself and suffer in silence for months...and then it all comes out. If they're idiots about politics on top of being awful humans, I'll use that opportunity to point that out as well.

[Bridget]

I know what you all are saying and I get it. I guess my point is more that there was no need for him to jump all over his mil for something she posts when she practically feels the same as him about most things. But she's catholic, like most of my family, so he's got a level of disdain for anyone who believes in God I guess as he will post things about "right wingers who believe in a pretend all knowing creature that lives in the sky". And you know, I think that mean when MOST of our catholic family are wise and loving people. When you go on and on about the mistreatment of certain minorities but then you can't be nice to your mil or have a debate with someone without personal attacks, well, it reeks of hypocricy. One can't preach kindness and be mean. That makes me uneasy. All that said, I noticed that they (my cousin in her husband) were debating someone about that idiotic blip in that's circulating on fb about how when you give animals food, or whatever, that they don't learn to fend for themselves and comparing that to people on foodstamps. People on that thread were calling my cousin obese and worse. I guess when people feel defensive they attack! I feel bad for her though and sent her message to let her know I love her.

And I'll tell you, when I'm with my brother, we are downright cruel sometimes talking about some asshole family members. But it's only when I am with him that I let myself act like that. It's fun. lol. We crack each other up.

[missychrissy]

I agree with you Bridget. I just got all tangential. If someone is essentially a good person, I don't care what their personal beliefs are. I would never attack them. It is hypocritical.

[Gwenn]

It's all about having a filter. We all have our own thoughts and of course everyone differs. But as you said, you should be polite even so. I would hate for anyone to hear the things DH and I talk about sometimes. But that's between us and it stays there.

[missychrissy]

It's all about having a filter. We all have our own thoughts and of course everyone differs. But as you said, you should be polite even so. I would hate for anyone to hear the things DH and I talk about sometimes. But that's between us and it stays there.

That's called manners.

One of my coworkers is pretty far right-wing and we disagree about pretty much everything...but we do it laughingly and still respect each other as coworkers and I think we appreciate what positives we do see in each other. One thing he does that I think is batsh!t crazy (but I don't say so!) is he sells some electric on the side, through some weird 3rd party supplier. He sells Ambit. I've said some negative things to a couple people I feel close to at work when we're outside smoking. But I was shocked and appalled when he was telling me about his previous office...they outright teased him to his face and stuck pyramid stickers all over. They ridiculed and talked down to him, and frankly created a hostile work environment. I genuinely feel bad that he had to go through that because that's just an awful thing to do to someone. They're all supposed to be professional adults. They're all older too (he worked for a police dept as a dispatcher). I'd never behave that way and I'm ashamed of anyone that does.

[girlwonder]

I can't keep up with you all! Have to go to bed in a minute, but going to SCUBJIA and say that I hope Mira feels better tomorrow and Chrissy, try taking a tablet or two of Tryptophan at night. I actually like it better than ambien, clonopin. benadryl or lunesta or any actual sleeping pill. Get it at the grocery store/vitamin store. Makes me sleepy but not groggy the next day. Also used for anxiety/depression.

My second art show tomorrow. the one last week was awful day 1 (I made $8! ) but then good the next day and made $600. Still not worth the hassle but at least I didn't lose money. The show tomorrow is inside at least. I hope to make a little more money and then I am all done for the season! Woohoooooo! I have a family coming after Christmas to take a workshop all together as a family Christmas present and then another small trunk show for a few people that same weekend. But I am really deliriously happy not to be doing that two week nightmare show this year. Next weekend is my dh's birthday. On Friday we are going to see Louis CK, then Saturday we are having a karaoke champagne party here at the house and then Sunday we are going out to dinner. It's going to be a long but hopefully fun weekend.

[missychrissy]

Thanks for the suggestion Katy. And good luck with your show! Whew-your weekend sounds intense, but fun

[girlwonder]

Thanks, Chrissy! Do try the tryptophan - it's about $20 for a bottle, but really is less expensive than prescription pills and I really think it might help. You have to get your sleep and take care of yourself, okay? Go read a boring book and get some sleep tonight.

[3andMe]

I have been alternating benadryl (non-habit-forming) and melatonin, and sometimes both, and sometimes just child's strength. I just make sure to take the benadryl before bed because it's got a long half life. And I still wake up a lot during the night. I probably average about 5 hours of sleep a night, interrupted a lot.

We have started on Downton Abbey, based on several recommendations here before, mostly Katy's I believe. It's awesome, too, and DH is just astounded at my ability to pick amazing Netflix shows. Thanks, ladies.

Bridget, we have tons of building stuff. Ro in particular, but all of them, can spend hours building stuff.

K'nex is great: http://www.amazon.com/KNEX-Classics-...+boys+5+and+up

They like Blocos: http://www.amazon.com/Bloco-Toys-Inc..._bxgy_t_text_z

Again, the Magnatiles are an enduring hit.

Gears, Gears, Gears.

We just started playing with the Zoob Alien Creature Building Set. It was one of the presents from their birthday last summer that was still in a box in storage. I just got it out last week.

Still to come is Snap Circuits Jr, still waiting in the box.

[Gwenn]

I have been looking at school based jobs in my field in VA and based on those that list a salary, chances look good that I might take a cut in pay. Not ruling anything out, as any positions that become available this time of year are due to openings they haven't been able to cover for one reason or another. The bulk of the positions are offered in the spring.

So I told DH I wasn't sure but I might need to take a cut in pay to go there. He said if he made up the difference, it would be a net gain for us. My issue is, I don't want to quit a job I enjoy to make 2/3 what I earn in an unfamiliar city with a higher cost of living. DH said, we can't stay here forever just because you are making $X. I said to him, why would I leave to make 2/3 of that? It doesn't make any sense for my career to do that. I know it is an issue for him being unemployed, but nothing he has turned up has been long-term career stuff. I can't give up the bulk of our income for something that I don't understand how it will even pan out.

I'm not crazy, right? People get this old-fashioned notion of the male being the breadwinner and I know it's an ego issue for him, but still. This is the 21st century. I can't just follow him around blindly and take whatever job turns up just for his ego.

[girlwonder]

I don't think you are wrong, M. At all. It would make no sense at all for you to do that.

[Cosmosmom]

If it was going to be a long term job that paid ok, I would do it. Short term, no way. But the money would have to make sense because you would likely have a hard time renting a place with the furry kids.

[Suja]

Mandy, where are you looking? Looking South in the counties near Quantico will net less pay. Looking North, into Fairfax/Arlington/Alexandria and DC will net you higher pay (also longer commutes). Also, I thought that the one I posted, you'd end up with the high end of the salary, since it was something like 89K for 5 years of experience, and you've got more. But, if it does turn out that you'll have to take a significant pay cut (or any pay cut at all, actually), I wouldn't consider it either, in your shoes. But, if it is the case that the bulk of the jobs are offered in the Spring, if DH's job comes through, maybe he can come here ahead, you can visit to get a feel for the place, do some informal house hunting, and then move or not depending on how things look in the Spring. I'd be happy to play tour guide.

[missychrissy]

I didn't know Benadryl was non-habit forming. Hmm....and I totally forgot you ladies had mentioned melatonin as well to help with sleep before. I have some things to look for. I refrain from trying them all at once. (I'm joking, I'd never do that!)

I have been looking at school based jobs in my field in VA and based on those that list a salary, chances look good that I might take a cut in pay. Not ruling anything out, as any positions that become available this time of year are due to openings they haven't been able to cover for one reason or another. The bulk of the positions are offered in the spring.

So I told DH I wasn't sure but I might need to take a cut in pay to go there. He said if he made up the difference, it would be a net gain for us. My issue is, I don't want to quit a job I enjoy to make 2/3 what I earn in an unfamiliar city with a higher cost of living. DH said, we can't stay here forever just because you are making $X. I said to him, why would I leave to make 2/3 of that? It doesn't make any sense for my career to do that. I know it is an issue for him being unemployed, but nothing he has turned up has been long-term career stuff. I can't give up the bulk of our income for something that I don't understand how it will even pan out.

I'm not crazy, right? People get this old-fashioned notion of the male being the breadwinner and I know it's an ego issue for him, but still. This is the 21st century. I can't just follow him around blindly and take whatever job turns up just for his ego.

No, you're not crazy. Everyone that I've known that relocated like that for their partner's job, the partner was gaining career and significant income to make up the difference. My former boss's friends just moved to CA from NY a few months ago because the wife got a high level job at Facebook. That sort of thing makes sense. And I don't think the husband took a 2/3 income loss either. I know he stayed back for a while till he found something for himself, but it didn't take too long.

I think your dh is probably so anxious about gaining employment himself, he's not thinking clearly about your perspective. He might be thinking that if you just do it, you'll find something once you're there too, being optimistic without verbalizing that whereas you're being a realist and wanting to know exactly how this is going to work.

North and South VA are definitely vastly different in their pay and cost of living. The times we considered moving to VA, it was always in the south. I have to say, I don't know how much I'd trust the online cost-of-living calculators because I talk a lot to KimJ about all kinds of expenses and it doesn't make sense to me that the calculators indicate I'd need to make X more to live there and maintain my current lifestyle. Everything where I live is so vastly more expensive, most notably the taxes. Through the years she's linked me various houses that are equivalent to my own. Taxes run about $500/year there. They're $3,000/year here. And it's not just the taxes...gas, groceries, daycare, getting a title for a car (it's over $50 here...you cannot put a car on the road for less than $140 here before the taxes on the car). Simply everything is exponentially more expensive here. She makes a little less than I do and seems to do all right, whereas I'm struggling quite a bit. We have similar spending habits and up till Sept both of us had 1 kid in full time daycare. In the summer, she paid for 2 and still managed to have more spending $ than I did. We've talked daily for probably 5 years and NY always comes out the loser in the cost comparisons on everything...so I hold no stock in the online COL calculators at all.

That's really tangential and sounds like I'm encouraging you to take a 2/3 pay cut. I'm not. The closest I came to applying for a job down there was for 10k less than I make now. I think I would have been ok with that, but the COL calculator seemed to indicate I'd need 10k more to live in her area. It's lying, I'm quite sure.

[Gwenn]

Hmmm, the cost of living calculators all seem to indicate I would need to earn more in both places, but I would need to earn significantly more to move to NY than to VA. Odd that they say you would also need to earn more? Maybe they tell everyone that. Then again, I wasn't looking in your county but as you said, with taxes I can't imagine it's that big a difference.

Suja, you are right that very likely we would have him go and see how things pan out and I could follow later. I'm presenting this as more of a hypothetical argument since I really haven't done that much research yet. I know basically nothing about the geography of the area, the realism of commuting, etc. Although the word itself makes me shudder because right now my drive to work is about 2 miles. Again, something I am very loathe to give up unless I see substantial gain.

On the other side, I am sick of this house and if it takes a move out of state to get out of here, it might be worth taking a hit. I do welcome any knowledge you have to share.

And Jennifer, that is a great point. We would certainly be renting at least at first, and our furry children are non-negotiable. Can't bring them, don't go. And they need a yard.

That job you shared basically had a 40k range. Since I make within that range, if I were working in business I could easily negotiate a salary that worked for me but schools don't negotiate. They typically have a chart and based on your education and experience, they tell you where you fall on the chart. Take it or leave it. Of course nothing forces me to stay in the schools, but it's where i've spent my career and I enjoy it. I have a lot of specific knowledge about working within the educational system that wouldn't translate directly to an outpatient clinic or private practice. In that situation I'd kind of be starting over. Pay is better, though, usually.

[missychrissy]

Hmmm, the cost of living calculators all seem to indicate I would need to earn more in both places, but I would need to earn significantly more to move to NY than to VA. Odd that they say you would also need to earn more? Maybe they tell everyone that. Then again, I wasn't looking in your county but as you said, with taxes I can't imagine it's that big a difference.

Interesting indeed. I did get a little paranoid and had a minor curiosity about whether somehow NY rigged them to make it look 'bad' elsewhere. I don't really believe it, but NY has, for decades, had a problem with losing people to other states.

That's too bad that negotiated with schools isn't an option, but I think that's true all over. It's also true with United Health Services, a large medical group here in my area. At least for the administrative assistants and front desk girls. It was take-it-or-leave-it with them. Their pay scales sucked the big one too. At the schools, an equivalent office job would pay significantly more....but, I'm not sure how that worked with the professional positions such as yours.

[Gwenn]

Interesting indeed. I did get a little paranoid and had a minor curiosity about whether somehow NY rigged them to make it look 'bad' elsewhere. I don't really believe it, but NY has, for decades, had a problem with losing people to other states.

That's too bad that negotiated with schools isn't an option, but I think that's true all over. It's also true with United Health Services, a large medical group here in my area. At least for the administrative assistants and front desk girls. It was take-it-or-leave-it with them. Their pay scales sucked the big one too. At the schools, an equivalent office job would pay significantly more....but, I'm not sure how that worked with the professional positions such as yours.

I know! They're all coming here! Make them stop!

[missychrissy]

Well I wanna to join in the flight from NY taxes I'll make them stop after I'm gone.

Oh, what I wouldn't give to live in AZ. *sigh*

[Gwenn]

You would be the obvious exception, Chrissy. And my sister and brother and my BFF.

[Suja]

Mandy, renting with dogs won't be hard. Yard might be, but most communities that are dog friendly also tend to have walking trails accessibility.

[AmeriBrit]

Suja, how's Mira doing? I hope she is feeling better. Are you going to post some pics of her with her new haircut? I bet she is adorable with her short hair.

I thought I'd ask you ladies about something that got said at Trav's parent-teacher conference; I need some other people's reflections on it. They told me that he does not raise his hand enough in the big group teaching time (which is about 35 kids) but that he's full of confidence when they do key worker time (which is about 12 kids in a group), so they sometimes mark him as below average on things because he won't volunteer to share his knowlege. I can kind of understand why they've said that because he is not willingly showing them at teaching time that he knows the answers (this is mostly when they do their mathematics work). As a solution to this, they've put him in an intervention group which is run by a teacher (not his class teacher) with 2 other kids at a time. From what I understand, their objective is to build his confidence by getting him to talk in this small group and they hope to transfer it over to the big group...I have been thinking about this ever since and all I can think is I'm not sure putting him in an even smaller group is going to get him comfortable talking in a big group. I mentioned my thoughts to DH (He was at the meeting as well) and he said that what he thought they had said was that he's in this group so that they can mark him separately from the other group to make sure that he's not behind....I'm not sure how we were at the same meeting but got 2 totally different perspectives from it, but there ya go. I'm going to e-mail his teacher for clarification, but if I'm right in my thinking, what do you guys think? Do you think working in a smaller group will help his confidence transfer over to the big group? From my few years' experience teaching, this has not been the case for most kids I've worked with.

[Cosmosmom]

Mandy, renting with dogs won't be hard. Yard might be, but most communities that are dog friendly also tend to have walking trails accessibility.

That is GREAT. I found it much harder when I moved to find a place that allowed a dog....and than I got questioned on breed because he would not allow certain ones. Or size can be an issue. I know a lot of places want 30 lbs or less. Which used to be cosmo....now she's 33.4 lbs! Poor girl. Vet definitely agreed that we needed to check her thyroid. Hoping that is the problem because she really needs to lose like 5-7 lbs and she keeps gaining 1-2 every vet visit and I don't know what else to do. I already measure out her food, pretty much cut out scraps and treats and work at coaxing her to run around and play.

[Cosmosmom]

Ash I think that it might help. I'm like that.....a large class and I'm quiet. Small class and I am way more prone to speak up. It can't hurt I don't think to see if it helps him. Or it might just end up being that he is just not a big group person.

[missychrissy]

You would be the obvious exception, Chrissy. And my sister and brother and my BFF.

Do you think working in a smaller group will help his confidence transfer over to the big group? From my few years' experience teaching, this has not been the case for most kids I've worked with.

No, I don't think it will help. Some people, even adults, just don't want to speak up in large groups. Putting someone in smaller groups, or even making them speak up in larger groups more frequently, will not change that. Do they often grade the children using the same scale over there like they do here? It just seems so unfair, since everyone is unique and has strengths and weaknesses in various areas.

Bobbie did very well in school because she's academic and book smart. Jesi isn't that way. She's incredibly intelligent but technical things come much easier for her than anything that involves reading a book and answering questions at the end. Or worse yet, sitting and listening to a teacher lecture on a topic. They're just vastly different in how they learn...expecting kids to all fit into one square hole doesn't do us as a society any favors.

[Suja]

Mira seems to be better. She basically slept from about 11:30 AM yesterday, to 2:30 PM today, waking up only to fuss and whine and cry. Threw up around 1:30 last night, drank some water, woke up a couple of hours later to throw that up, and so far, hasn't vomited today. She even ate a little, and played, after another dose of meds. I'm hoping that this has passed.

I'm not sure it would hurt anything for T to practice his skills in a smaller group. I don't think it would help him speak up in a larger group, though. Honestly, I don't know why there is a push to do this, since they should have other means of assessing how he is doing.

[Ky'sMom]

Mira seems to be better. She basically slept from about 11:30 AM yesterday, to 2:30 PM today, waking up only to fuss and whine and cry. Threw up around 1:30 last night, drank some water, woke up a couple of hours later to throw that up, and so far, hasn't vomited today. She even ate a little, and played, after another dose of meds. I'm hoping that this has passed.

I'm not sure it would hurt anything for T to practice his skills in a smaller group. I don't think it would help him speak up in a larger group, though. Honestly, I don't know why there is a push to do this, since they should have other means of assessing how he is doing.

I agree with Suja on T Ashley. I don't think that putting him in the small group will encourage him to speak up in a larger group, but I do agree with your DH that it will give the teachers an opportunity to assess him better since he will be more comfortable in the small group and he won't be thought to be behind.

I just would think they would have better methods of evaluating the children though. There is not a one size fits all with children and academic assessment IMO.

And wanted to pipe up that we have ton of former New Yorkers here in the Atlanta area. They LOVE it here - no snow, low taxes, pretty good schools in the suburbs and easy access to flights home to visit relatives/friends in NY. I would never want to move to NY unless it was a temporary thing. It is way too expensive. I think Atlanta is pretty expensive when it comes to food and utilities, especially water and electricity compared to Ohio where there is no tax on food and there is easy access in NW Ohio (where I'm from) to Lake Erie as a water supply. Water here in Atlanta is a hot commodity. My water bills are equal or greater than my electric bills some months, especially when I have visitors or houeguests, it can get to the $150 range per month.

Erin

[missychrissy]

Yikes!! The idea of paying for water is still crazy to me, but that is just insane!!! I always lived where we had well water and now my water is included in my rent.

My electric bill, however, is always high. $125 for just electric during the winter. When we had AC (my family's choice, not mine), it would sometimes reach $300. Fuel or gas heat was 600-800/month. From Oct-April.

[Cosmosmom]

Holy Cow on those utilities. I think my water is only about 90-100 for THREE months. city not well water. My highest gas/electric was 170 something but that was Jan two years ago where we had only 3 days where we were NOT below zero for part of the day and my house is the end house with open fields so the wind hits us hard. Summers I run the AC all the time and I think that is probably 120 ish usually. When we don't need heat or air, it's under 100 for gas and electric. My stove is electric but dryer is gas and I think probably the water heater is gas.

We do have pretty high property taxes in WI. Mine are between 3900-4000. House value is 176-180 so not like my house really expensive to account for the taxes. Nice sized city yard....not even half an acre.

Got a winter storm warning tomorrow all day. Maybe 6-9 inches with blowing and drifting. Glad the first one of the season is a Sunday...helps as people always forget how to drive in the snow and we don't have any salt/sand on the streets yet.

[missychrissy]

Yikes. We used electric heat last year and even though it was an extremely mild winter, it was still $300/month. Gas/fuel oil/electric are extremely high here.