Secular Confessions

[Bridget]

I like L's advice. My kids are like that too, very self deprecating when they can't do something the way they want. I too tell them that to be good at something you have to work hard and practice every day. Savana hates her handwriting. About 2 weeks ago I showed her some writing she did when she first started going to school last year and she couldn't believe how much better it is now. Her face lit up. I also make a point to praise hard work, and be really specific about it. Like, "Wow, your E's are looking so neat. I can tell you've been working on that."

[daylilies]

I'm not sure if the offender is online. Anyway, she left a message in the chat room that she is fine. Whew!

[missychrissy]

Glad she's ok Kate.

[daylilies]

Josh is very very particular about everything. Everything has to be his way, even things that are out of his control, outside his own little bubble. He basically organized his whole birthday party. At Thanksgiving he gave everyone drawings of rocket ships and everyone had to color theirs and then he took a picture of each person with their picture. Everyone had to come in the other room and sit in a specific chair. And then he tried to take a group photo, but he wanted to be in the picture too, so he was trying to put my iphone across the table and reach over to take the picture and he couldn't reach. That's when he had a major meltdown that couldn't be stopped and we had to leave. We were preparing to leave soon anyway, but it was a hasty departure! We had no idea how to snap him out of his meltdown. I wish we could get a handle on that.

[missychrissy]

Conner did that today. Not over something not being particular, but because he wasn't getting his own way. I wanted to take him shopping with me and even promised to let him pick out a toy...but he wanted his window down in the car and it's like brrr-cold here (blustery and frigid) and no one wanted it down. He had a meltdown and wouldn't stop. He was kicking the windows, trying to reach forward and pull my seat belt and/or hair. He just wouldn't stop screaming so I had to turn around and take him back to his fathers. It broke my heart to do it, but I know from experience that once he starts acting that way, there's absolutely nothing I can do to stop him.

After we dropped him off, I even said, "Is he ever going to stop doing this?" Of course I know he will, but it's getting so **** old. I really thought he'd be over the temper tantrums by now.

[daylilies]

Same here Chrissy. And it scares me because it's relatively easy to take care of now, but as he gets older if this rage keeps up it's only going to get harder to get him under control.

[Bridget]

I will say that when Savana turned 7, something magical happened. Seriously, I was concerned that she was still throwing major, door kicking, red faced, screaming tantrums at six years old. She is like a different child now. It is a big thing in waldorf, the "seven year change". It's like she shed a big part of her childness and she is hovering on the cusp of being of being a young lady. More self assured, more in control of her emotions. I don't know what to attribute that to but I am certainly grateful for it.
Kai on the other hand. He is such a great kid but I'll just come out and say it. He can be annoying. I see him being annoying to other kids and it makes me so sad to see them trying to get away from him. Today we spent the day with my older brother's family. Kai adores my 11 year old nephew. So he's on him. Poking, hugging, pinching, anything to get his attention. Meanwhile, R wants very little to do with him, wants to hang with the men and watch football OR play with Sawyer and that bothers Kai so much. Then my 9 year old niece told Kai that R doesn't like to play with him because he pokes him and bothers him. Poor kai. Dbf thinks I shouldn't worry so much and that Kai will grow up in the next year and stop doing stuff like that. I know he's right but in the meantime, he thinks people don't like him. I try to explain to him that people just don't like certain things he does, just like he would not like it if someone did that to him. But it's not sinking in.

I'm glad your friend is ok, Kate. And to both you and Chrissy, I think your boys will grow out of it in time. It feels like eternity and then one day your like, Hey! They're better!

[missychrissy]

I'm confident that's gonna happen B, and I really do hope 7 is the magic number. None of my girls were like this. Syd was always more demanding, but even she wouldn't have a full out temper tantrum over stuff.

Did you guys know you could do Kmart layaway online? I put 2 Roku streamers on layaway. I'm getting rid of cable. One will be for the kids at their dad's house, because he doesn't have cable and they're re-watching the dvds he has. He has many, but they're all already getting old. He also doesn't have internet, so I'm going to pay for them to have internet. That's my Christmas gift to them. I can afford it if I get rid of cable at my house too, hence the two Roku boxes.

I think I'm just getting the girls $50 gift cards and I'll spend $50 on Conner. I'm not sure what to get Kaleb, but since he's engaged to Jesi & lives with her, I have to get him something. I was going to let him have Bobbie's line (changing the # of course) but she still hasn't gotten her own line yet. I know I should push for her to do it, but I just don't have it in me. The guy she's renting a room from isn't being nice and she's desperately looking for an apartment and roommate to get out of there. I can't add to her stress level...even though I fully realize she's brought this onto herself.

[daylilies]

I'm glad to hear Savana had that change. I have been wondering lately, since the switch flipped when he turned 3, why it can't flip back as suddenly! I hope that happens. One more year...lol

Sorry Kai feels bad about himself in that respect. Josh can be annoying too, not like that, but talking over people, and demanding attention. People who don't see him all the time think it's adorable how he really takes control and demands that people follow his directions but since we're around it all the time we don't exactly think it's cute. LOL

[missychrissy]

That must be very painful to watch Bridget Does it seem to bother Kai a lot? I ask because the few times I've seen that with Conner, it doesn't really seem to phase him. Maybe the difference is Conner has older siblings and he's used to being the annoying one, so it's like water off a duck's back for him. I know sometimes he can go round and round with Syd. She is more easily 'annoyed' by her younger brother than the other two, although they've also had their moments too.

I have to say, for all I've pissed and moaned about various things with Rich and the kids, things seemed to have calmed down a lot. There's so much less negative energy. It's a huge relief. Sure, Conner still has his meltdowns, but he would regardless. And Bobbie still has her attitude, but I'm sure that would be there too even if Rich & I had stayed together. I hope I'm not jinxing myself by saying that on the family front, I like where we all are for the most part. Rich has been a great co-parent. He stepped right up today when Conner wasn't behaving for me. It wasn't 'my' weekend to have him, but I'm sure even if it was and he got to be too much like that, I could call him if I needed to.

I didn't have a great Thanksgiving, but that was just general depression stuff. Some I've brought on myself, I'm sure. I couldn't help but really, really want that someone special to at least talk to on the phone. I never understood what 'feeling lonely during the holidays' meant before. Now I do. I'm ok otherwise...not sure what got into me really but I was near tears over it. It seems silly, and intellectually I know it's far too soon. But I am very ready to meet someone and share those special occasions with.

[Bridget]

Yes, it bothers Kai a lot. He always asks me why certain children (usually older boys) don't want to play with him.

I'm sorry you are feeling sad, Chrissy. I think I can totally understand your feelings. I am happy to hear the family dynamics are getting better though. That must be a really good feeling.

[Ky'sMom]

Just popping in and saying hi! Hi!!

Hope everyone had a great holiday.

Did some skimming and I agree about 7 being a magic age. That was when Ky stopped crying so much as well and when he calmed down a whole lot. He also has gotten better this past year at 10. He still was crying about things some, mostly just about things he didn't want to do, like chores. He has really matured this past year and impressed me a whole lot. He always looks so proud when I let him know that! He is also just the sweetest boy I know and very nice and well behaved. You would never believe what a hellion he used to be lol!

Erin

[3andMe]

DS had had some issues with touching people, being intrusive, making noises that people want to stop, jumping up on them (adults), and until recently it hasn't been that big of a deal. DS is a very happy and oblivious kid for the most part, and the only part he gets unhappy about is being told that people don't want him to do something. Every once in a while it's seemed very extraordinary, like at a birthday party in a park when he jumped onto someone's elderly mother he just met, and she had a bad back. It's very obvious that he is not doing it to be mean or a pest, but because he is happy and enthusiastic, and at least people recognize that. I saw other people's posts about kids who were warned about keeping their hands off others, and did not put my son in that category, although definitely sympathized because he had more difficulty with that aspect of impulse control than most others.

Anyway, our parent-teacher conferences at school went well the first time, although the teacher said that DS was not doing well during the rug time at keeping his hands to himself and she was mostly having him sit at his desk and color because she could tell he was still listening. I was happy that she found such a good solution for everyone, and I talked to him about not touching, and finding ways to practice making his hands listen to his brain.

A few weeks after that, the teacher told me that it was NOT working, and we needed to find a solution to keep his hands to himself. This was awful, and gave me premonitions to the future and how it might be to hear about a child in trouble more seriously. She is a wonderful teacher, and she loves DS, and she acknowledges that this is not malicious also, but she says it's disruptive and the other children don't like it. We practiced, and I had him keep his hands in his pockets or sitting on them. I reminded him that he knew all the academic stuff but kindergarten is about learning to follow the rules and get along with the other kids, and about the one boy who left to go back to preschool after a month because he couldn't stop wiggling around. I have been checking in every day and will get him a prize at the end of a month if he's keeping his hands to himself.

I think part of it, aside from impulse control, is that he is not good at reading people or facial expressions. I have been practicing more with asking him what characters might be thinking or feeling in books, and have been noticing that he thinks smirks are smiles. That might go along with his fondness for only non-fiction. Then he really did start making improvements at school. I've been thinking about playing more games like red-light green-light with them too, but just haven't gotten to it yet with all the other stuff we're doing.

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My DH's procrastination is driving me crazy. He didn't call his mother to find out when she was coming for Thanksgiving until she'd already left. Didn't find out when she was leaving until the day she was leaving. I'd asked him to do it the week before and the week before that. He has supposedly delayed too long to make an appointment to take his car in for its 15000 mile check-up, so now he needs to do it himself, and when I asked him why he couldn't take it in during a work day sometime next week he said I delayed him too long from making his shopping list and he couldn't do it at all. If I ask him to take the trash out twice over a period of a couple hours and it's still there and I then start taking it out myself rather than ask him again, he gets upset because I should have told him a specific time I needed it taken out by. I'm doing work, kids, chores from 4:30 AM until 9:30 PM and feeling like I have so much to do and it's just more work to have him help right now.

[missychrissy]

Yes, it bothers Kai a lot. He always asks me why certain children (usually older boys) don't want to play with him.

I'm sorry you are feeling sad, Chrissy. I think I can totally understand your feelings. I am happy to hear the family dynamics are getting better though. That must be a really good feeling.

Poor Kai. I hope it's a phase that ends quickly. Poor kid.

I'm not really sad now. It was really just Thanksgiving that did it to me. I am definitely very happy that the family dynamics have much improved.

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My DH's procrastination is driving me crazy. He didn't call his mother to find out when she was coming for Thanksgiving until she'd already left. Didn't find out when she was leaving until the day she was leaving. I'd asked him to do it the week before and the week before that. He has supposedly delayed too long to make an appointment to take his car in for its 15000 mile check-up, so now he needs to do it himself, and when I asked him why he couldn't take it in during a work day sometime next week he said I delayed him too long from making his shopping list and he couldn't do it at all. If I ask him to take the trash out twice over a period of a couple hours and it's still there and I then start taking it out myself rather than ask him again, he gets upset because I should have told him a specific time I needed it taken out by. I'm doing work, kids, chores from 4:30 AM until 9:30 PM and feeling like I have so much to do and it's just more work to have him help right now.

I don't understand why you had to tell him what time you needed it done by? I'll never understand men.

[Bridget]

Well, today was so much better. We went to the museum, no sports on tv for R to watch so he hung with Kai almost the entire time. He's a really affectionate kid himself so was giving Kai a lot of hugs and rubbing his head a lot. Kai just loves that. I feel better today. And so does Kai. He told me he guesses R likes him after all. I'm like of course, dude. You are very likable.
L, I used to always give pokey circle time hands a ball of clay of playdoh. It's so hard for some kids to sit and be still. Not something that comes naturally to children at all.

My kids said something so sweet to me last night. They are book addicts and any time they see me looking like I'm not busy they come to me with a pile of books. Well, yesterday I'd been cleaning, needed a shower, was nursing Sawyer and so I sat in a chair next to the couch and when they started climbing on I said, "Hey, guys how about you sit on the couch and I'll show you all the pictures and hold the book up so you can see all the pictures. I just feel like I need some space."
They were both just like HUH? Then Savana said, "Mom, almost the entire reason I love reading books is because I get to snuggle next to you." Kai nodded next to her and they just melted my heart.

[daylilies]

Awww.

[Bridget]

Ugh, dbf just got off the phone with his sister. Her and her husband have been having problems for quite some time but she thought they were working on their marriage. She just found out he has an effing girlfriend! I started crying when dbf told me that! It's not even like his sister and I are close but I just hate to think of a women going through that. It's just a horrible, horrible feeling. So basically her marriage is over. She just has to decide how and when to confront him because he doesn't know yet that she knows. I don't understand why a person would do that? Why not just LEAVE? End your marriage and then have a girlfriend. Coward.

[missychrissy]

Well, today was so much better. We went to the museum, no sports on tv for R to watch so he hung with Kai almost the entire time. He's a really affectionate kid himself so was giving Kai a lot of hugs and rubbing his head a lot. Kai just loves that. I feel better today. And so does Kai. He told me he guesses R likes him after all. I'm like of course, dude. You are very likable.
L, I used to always give pokey circle time hands a ball of clay of playdoh. It's so hard for some kids to sit and be still. Not something that comes naturally to children at all.

My kids said something so sweet to me last night. They are book addicts and any time they see me looking like I'm not busy they come to me with a pile of books. Well, yesterday I'd been cleaning, needed a shower, was nursing Sawyer and so I sat in a chair next to the couch and when they started climbing on I said, "Hey, guys how about you sit on the couch and I'll show you all the pictures and hold the book up so you can see all the pictures. I just feel like I need some space."
They were both just like HUH? Then Savana said, "Mom, almost the entire reason I love reading books is because I get to snuggle next to you." Kai nodded next to her and they just melted my heart.

Awww That's too sweet Bridget.

I'm glad today was better for Kai. Older kids are rather difficult...they can act 'mean' (or in a way that's perceived as mean) even when they like a younger kid. I wish I could articulate it, but I know I've seen it a lot. They're still kids too and don't always think about how they act will effect someone else. They're quite harsh with each other at times, and it's socially acceptable. They don't get that others outside their age group won't 'get it' and often end up with hurt feelings. Older kids are quite self absorbed, and I'm afraid it's not on purpose...it's just part of their development. I think it ends at 30. j/k about ending at 30. I don't know when it ends and as with everyone, each person is unique. Bobbie is self absorbed by nature I'm afraid. At 19 she's more into herself and her own needs/emotions than Jesi is. But then she's also still dealing with something that I have no clue about so maybe that's part of it. It's certainly not a side of her I saw even a hint of prior.

As for the 'sister-in-law', it's sad but really, an affair is only a symptom of a failing relationship and not the cause of it. It doesn't have to be the end, but for many it is. It's definitely one of the most hurtful things a person can have happen to them.

[missychrissy]

I forgot to mention, my Atheist daughter Jesi got the job at the church providing daycare for the kids in the nursery. She did her first Sunday today. When I asked her how it went, she said it was like have 6 Conners in extreme hyper mode and loaded on caffeine. One little girl who's just 1 year old screamed bloody murder every time Jesi put her down, so she spent 2.5 hours with a toddler on her hip. I think she did good.

They hired a 15 year old as well, but she has zero experience with children so Jesi had to do the dirty work like diaper changes and such. She seemed to really enjoy herself though. For someone that doesn't want kids, she really does very well with them. Instead of getting burned out and frazzled, Jesi goes along with them and their antics. One 6 year old boy told her her eyes looked scary...that's because Jesi does that thing with mascara and eye liner so her eyes look like two piss holes in the snow. I told her not to be surprised if they didn't ask her to come without eye makeup on next week. lol

[daylilies]

LOL about the makeup. I know what you mean. I hope she enjoys the job

Sorry about your SIL Bridget, she must be devastated

[dana_renay]

I've been lurking. More than 24 hours in here without a post?! So sad....APA really does seem to be dying. I haven't seen much improvement from all the room eliminations, either.
There has been a sickness in my house. First the baby was sick for days with a high fever, and then I came down with some respiratory virus. I missed Thanksgiving - sent the husband and kid while I stayed home in bed trying to breathe. Just when I was feeling a little bit better, I started having ear pain. Ear infection, followed within hours by a perforated ear drum. Ladies, that hurt like a mofo. Now I don't have hearing in one ear. I didn't know adults got ear infections. Apparently, it is pretty rare, so...lucky me.

Erin - I was wondering if you ended up taking a turkey to your crazy relative's house, and how all that came out?

L - Sorry the house fell through at the last minute. I know that must be incredibly disappointing, but it sounds like they were completely koo-koo pants and would have made your rental time hellacious anyway.

Chrissy - I'm glad things finally seem to be settling down for you. You deserve a little peace.

Bridget - I'm kind of curious about your bf's response to his sister's situation. I mean, I often wonder how one responds to a loved one being done wrong when they have sat on the other side of the fence, doing the hurting, if you know what I mean.

Everybody else - hope you're all well!

[daylilies]

Sorry you guys have been sick, Dana! I hope you can hear in both your ears again soon

[Cosmosmom]

Feel better soon Dana! And adults do get them. Usually I think it's ones who had trouble as kids. Both my sister and my DH get them....just not as often as when they were little. Come to think of my almost 62 yr old MIL gets them too. They sound pretty sucky.

[Bridget]

Dana, it's funny that you ask that because he is pretty disgusted. Also, we were watching Private Practice episodes last night and everyone on that show is sleeping with everyone else and he made a comment like, "what is WRONG with these people?" when a cheating situation came up. I didn't say anything but smiled to myself at the irony. To ask him, he HATES cheaters and liars. Go figure.
I hope you feel better. I've never had an ear infection.

Things are going great here. Everytime I have doubts or worries that I'm giving my kids *enough* for homeschooling, something happens to restore my faith. There isn't much support for it in my area or extended family or dbf's. I get the feeling they all think I'm taking something away from them by homeschooling. I'm sick to death of answering inqiries about socialization, especially from people that know us, spend time with my kids and tell me they think they're wonderful. What's the question then?

[dana_renay]

Bridget - I don't know how he can put two words together over the noise of all the cognitive dissonance in his head. Seriously.

The socialization thing is something I think people ask when they have very little experience with homeschooled kids. To be fair, I have known homeschooled kids who really did have socialization issues, but that's because their parents used homeschooling as another way to shelter and isolate them. When people ask you that, I would encourage you to ask them whether they think your children are lacking in social skills. I would venture to guess that most of them will start backpedaling and trying to justify their dumb questions pretty quickly!

[AmeriBrit]

I think some people get defensive around home schoolers as well because they feel like you're making a judgment about them sending their own kids to public school. I can imagine that people think, "if it's good enough for my kids, why isn't it good enough for yours?" You know what people are like.

I have been having a great time at school despite the fact that I have been assigned to 2 weeks of prop duty instead of being in class with my kids. I still see them at random times through the day and they still run up to me to tell me what's going on with them and I help sort through their mini-dramas, so it's not all bad. I will be glad when we get the Christmas production out of the way so that I can be back in class working with my little darlings again! I suppose one good thing has come from prop duty and that is that it's getting me to socialize more with the other teaching assistants which I don't usually get time for, so that has been nice.

The university that I applied to has asked for all of my American transcripts, so it's looking promising for me to progress to the interview stage for the programme that I've applied for! I've still got my fingers crossed that I can at least get an interview and impress them with my personality!

Dana, I had an ear infection once when I was 15 and I remember it being one of the most painful things ever! My little chihuahua Noel never left the side of my head whenever I laid down when I was sick with that infection; I think she knew I needed her there for comfort. How I miss that little dog!

Speaking of animals, I've been thinking about getting a cat for Travis and Cash. I probably won't do it, but I've been thinking about it. Those of you who do have cats, are they hard work? Would I regret getting one? We've never had a pet before, but I grew up with all sorts of animals since we lived in an area surrounded by farms. We live in a cul de sac and both work full-time if that makes any difference to having a cat....

[Bridget]

Right but Dana don't you know regular school kids with social issues too? I know both and I didn't schooling alone is deciding factor in most cases. Surprisingly my brother is always challenging me and shooting down everything i tell him for my reasons.

Oh my gosh, Ash, they take that theater production pretty seriously lol! I am so hopeful that you accepted to that program! As far as cats, just one is pretty easy i think. I wish we'd stayed with that instead of getting another. The litter box is nasty and with 2 it's just...double nasty lol. But otherwise they are pretty low maintenance as far as pets go.

[Cosmosmom]

I think that going to regular school is a great thing and should be tried for most kids. That said, if the schools in an area suck....totally different story. I was absolutely set on homeschooling when we were living in Milwaukee. no way in h*ll was I would got send my child to that public school system. And I just couldn't afford private school there.
Now I live in an area with pretty good schools and where people tend to be really into their kids and involved.
Given the choice, I prefer a good school over homeschool. If not given the choice of a good or at least pretty decent public school, absolutely homeschool.


I don't have any experience with cats but my sister just got one....and he's a lot more work than her dog. Just gets into a lot more trouble. I think it's probably kittens are easier than puppies but I think that once a puppy is an adult dog that is trained....that is easier than a cat.
I am dog biased though.

[Bridget]

The thing is, I totally understand that everyone has their own feelings about homeschooling. I'm not saying everyone should do it and it's the best thing ever. It's just right for us. I am really resectful and supportive of all my friends and family regardless of whether I agree with how they do things. In fact, I rarely even think about whether or not I "agree" with the way my friends raise their children because it's not mine to agree or disagree unless they ask me for my opinion, I assume they've thought it through and are making the best choice for their families. I mean, can anyone that knows me at all really think I haven't weighed the pros and cons and that obviously i've thought about socializiation as it's the first thing everyone thinks of when they think of homeschooling. My kids might very well be socialized in a different way than kids to attend public school but it's certainly not going to be in a way that put them at a deficit. That is one thing I'm very sure of.

Anyone's kids take formal music or instrument lessons? We're going to meet our potential piano teacher tomorrow. I am excited.

[Cosmosmom]

Yeah that is strange that it's people who really know you and family bugging you on the homeschooling!
But some people just give opinions and don't care if you asked or not. it's just how they are. My mom is one of those....even just showing her paint samples for the nursery, I hear that is too dark. Whatever mom. I'm going to do what I want. We love her but my sister and I sort of roll our eyes about her sometime (that said she would go way out and beyond for us and we do love her dearly).

Obviously never had my kid take lessons but I took private music lessons myself. I played viola for something like 15 years.
I also had this full keyboard that hooked to the computer and was using a computer program to teach myself some piano. Just got a bit frustrating because piano is written in treble and bass cleft and viola is alto cleft.
I would have loved to have done piano and or guitar as well. I still have my viola and could probably still play if I tried...at least the easier stuff until I got back into it.