Take the job! If you have to move later, so what, that's business.
Take the job! If you have to move later, so what, that's business.
D-Mama (37) D-Dada (43) and D-Baby (11/02/2011)
Erin - sounds like a WIN-WIN. Congratulations on just getting the offer.
This is a total SCUBJIA post, but saw this and had to share:
Sounds about right for my family.
OH man Erin that is crazy! A normal person would say bring a side dish or a desert. NOT the freaking turkey. I mean how would you even transport it. Only way I could really is to cook it up, chop it up and bring it.
I have never done anything really to my turkey. Except I cook it breast side down and add chicken broth (plus seasonings). You don't get the skin there....do on the legs but the white meat stays juicy and the dark meat handles it better being cooked facing up. I also put a lid on my roaster.
And take the job. Next summer or next year is a long ways off still and nobody can predict with 100% certainity their future.
Can you bring the turkey?! bwhahahahaha!!! omg-that's fantastic!! Only you Erin!
I also vote for taking the job. You let her know what the possibilities are. If she's ok with it, then you should be too. Congratulations!!
I'm home sick. Just in time for the holidays. At least I don't have to worry about prepping a big meal this year. I hope I feel well enough to make some pies tomorrow.
Erin, I am tripping out over here that she asked you to bring the TURKEY. Lol that is hilarious and ridiculously annoying at the same time.
Erin, your family is a trip. Who does that? It's a brilliant idea though, and in the future, I'm going to invite people and assign them foods to bring. Small price to pay for the pleasure of my company, right?
And I'm with everyone else on the job thing. Take it. You don't know what will happen a year from now.
DH is on the phone right now with another of his cousins cursing about this turkey LOL! It is just so outrageous to me I have to keep telling everyone about it! I think I told everyone at work. It will probably get back to the cousin too but I don't care if it does. I actually am pretty sure I'm going to talk about her on Thursday when we go to her house about how tacky it is to even suggest someone bring a turkey to Thanksgiving! I remember people on TV doing that - bringing the turkey, but they were control freak types like the MIL on Everyone Hates Raymond who thought her DIL was a poor cooker/housekeeper. If someone invites me, I would be appreciative and not complain. I was just thrown when she asked me about the turkey and didn't know what to say. DH says I should have said no and that she is lucky she didn't ask him lol. He is just flabbergasted and embarrassed one of his family members is the one to do something like that.
I was leaning toward accepting the job. Thanks for increasing the lean. DH is the one who put it in my head that it may make our friend look bad at work, but really even if it came to me leaving, I don't think anyone can look poorly on her, she is just a great person, which is why she is getting a promotion so soon. I always tell her she is my role model.
You should take the job, Erin. Regardless of whether you have plans to leave in the future, it will look great for you to be advancing in your career like this and you may learn some things that will benefit you (aside from the salary) and you will probably be helping them a lot too by doing an awesome job and being a hard worker.
My sister always does a potluck Thanksgiving and never does the turkey herself. She asks other people to do it. Most of the time she asks my mom or one of our friends who is a chef, but at least she asks instead of demands. She does one or two side dishes and complains about the number of desserts people bring.
She left me a voicemail the other day complaining that I hadn't arranged a trip to Mexico this year. She said since she didn't have a bikini to fit into at the end of the holidays, she wouldn't be able to control her eating as well as she did last year. I was just thinking about how I hadn't been able to make any holiday plans either, and how I was sad that we weren't going anywhere and I had been hoping to be moving, but I don't know, I would rather just be looking forward to a vacation for the sake of the vacation.
I had about 2 1/2 hours of sleep last night and I'm cranky, though.
I'm really confused about how come she can't control her eating this year because she doesn't have a bikini she can fit into now. Tell her to hang the one she wants to fit into on her fridge and see if that helps.
I'm sorry your moving/holiday plans are such a mess and not what you'd anticipated. Is it too late to plan a trip? Why is it up to you to plan a trip to Mexico? Can't your sister do it if she wants to go so bad?
I just told my dh all that and he said she was just being funny. I guess I'm just being cranky, like I said. I arranged for all of us to go to a resort in Mexico last year.
I might try to see if we can go to Santa Barbara and visit MIL. I have been asking DH to ask her about it for at least a week, and to see when she was coming up for Thanksgiving, and he kept saying he would do it, and he finally called her today and her house-sitter answered. So I guess she already left to come up here, but we don't know when she's actually planning on getting here. More crankiness on my part. I guess I better go to bed.
Lydia, in your shoes, I'd have sent her a nice roll of Duck Tape. Apologizing for not planning the vacation to help her control her eating, but offering an alternative. Yea, I'm passive aggressive like that.
There was something on the radio yesterday about people who ask others to bring stuff to share for Thanksgiving, but then send them recipes and asking them to make it to their specifications (did not go over well). Reminded me of Erin's turkey.
Lydia, I have to say that I'm a little upset with you for not taking me to Mexico as well. I mean, I could have used a reason to fit into my bikini. Obviously the responsibility lies with someone other than ME to make that happen.
Also, I wanted to ask you what is it that your dh says regarding the purpose in what you say. I need to break it down for dbf in that manner. He's just not getting it. For example, when i am in the kitchen, preparing dinner, enjoying some quiet in a rare moment where all 3 children are happy, sipping on my wine and he comes in and opens the refridgerator, grumbles under his breath, closes it and says, "Man, I wish that fridge could stay more organized. It's impossible to find anything".
I prepare 100% of our meals and so I'm the one using that space so clearly I am the one making a mess of it.
He says I "take it wrong" that he's just trying to have a conversation with me.
I say he is spoiling my mellow mood with his CONSTANT (because this is not an isolated incident) comments like that. If you don't like it DO something about it. Or point blank ask me to do it. Don't make comments that serve no purpose and act like it's innocent. It's just like when Kai misses the toilet too many times in a day and he comes out talking about how it stinks in the bathroom. ..........but doesn't CLEAN IT UP.
Or maybe I am over sensitive. But he says he is really trying to understand what is wrong with him doing that. So I'd like to explain it to him in a way that he can understand and in a way that does not paint me the oversensitive ninny. So what were the questions dh suggested you ask yourelf before you speak?
Last edited by Bridget; 11-21-2012 at 10:00 AM.
B, I can't offer any good advice on how to break it down for your dbf because to me it's just common courtesy. How can he not see that you're busy and active every second you're awake? It's not like you're lounging around on the couch eating chips and watching tv all day. It would seem to me that anyone with any sense could simply see that you could use a helping hand. And simply saying, "If you see a mess that disturbes you, feel free to clean it up yourself." should be pretty straightforward.
You're not being oversensitive at all. He's being completely insensitive and refusing to take any responsibility for anything. Give me 10 minutes with him. Please?! lol...j/k. Sorry. I promise if I ever get to see you, I'd behave. But only because I love you so much.
Bridget, I think some of that is just doing it without thinking. So my DH usually puts soda in the fridge. I just cannot stand it when he sticks the box in there and doesn't take them out. Or any other thing that I could do myself but thought he should do or doens't do how I want it (like fold the towels correctly!). I grumble about it and he might say something, like what is wrong with you, you have two broken arms. Kind of a harsh comment but does make you stop and think and realize that, hey I COULD do it myself. Or not complain about it. Could also say to him, why don't you organize the fridge and show me how it's done. Conversely, I have said the same thing to him and used his lines against him. Like if he complains about how I leave water bottles all over the house or how he thought I should have emptied the dishwasher but didn't.
Really sometimes I think that it helps to do the golden rule....treat him how he is treating you. Be critical and comment on stuff he does. God, I cannot stand when people don't put their tools away or why is the tool box so unorganized. What is "his" or deemed "his work".
L, your sis is a whackadoodle. And that's coming from someone whose own sister was pronounced clinically whackadoodle in 1996. ;) I was reading backwards yesterday, so I didn't get to the part about those weirdos and their house until last night. I'm so sorry they let things get so far along before unleashing their unreasonable demands on you. They clearly have no idea what they're doing. I'm bitterly disappointed for your kids, actually. I was already enjoying the thought of them running around the property. Something even better will come along for you, I'm sure.
Jennifer, I think your golden rule is different than the one I learned: "Do unto others as you would have them do to you." Your version sounds a bit like "Do unto others all the crap that they do unto you." LOL. I like them both, btw.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. We're having the holiday meal with Santi's family this year, which will be mellow for us and the boys will love, I'm sure. We're going to be all turkeyed out this time next week. Santi's mommy had proposed a non-traditional, non-Turkey holiday this year (lamb and seafood), and I was totally down for it. However, I picked up a turkey anyway, thinking we'd have the traditional meal ourselves on Saturday or Sunday. Lo and behold, she texts me and says her dishwasher broke, putting a crimp in her culinary style, and since she couldn't cook that way, she ordered a full traditional meal from one of the local markets. It's totally not her fault, but now we have two turkeys in our near future. I actually love turkey, but we'll see how I feel after I make an additional 21 lbs of it just for my little family of 3. Perhaps the dogs can partake too.
Bridget, perhaps you dbf should read this or this or this or this or this or this. Or - y'know - any number of the thousand other resources out there on the internet that talk about how we're all going to find things wrong with the person we've chosen to spend the rest of our lives with and the italicized part is the part one should care about. Or maybe, just maybe, open his empathy valve the teensiest bit, so he can get just the smallest clue of how hurtful he's being. :/ If it's any consolation, I get a lot of grumpy criticism for my housekeeping abilities from my DH too, and he could be a little more gentle about it, but in my case, I kind of deserve it, as my ability to slack in that area is epic.
LOL I should have said reverse golden rule...that is how I learned it too. I was just think that if he is treating her a certain way....that MUST mean that is how he wants to be treated. So he should get what he wants.
Is your turkey already defrosted? otherwise if you have to cook it, you can always freeze some of it afterwards. Just throw it in some of the juice/broth and freeze it for the future. That is a big turkey. I look for only about 10 lbs for DH and I....if we have company, maybe 15 lbs.
Or you could eat just a bit of turkey tomorrow and fill up on sides and when you cook yours, do something different with it.
I really believe that it is human nature to be critical....and often it is done without thinking or realizing it. To be aware and thoughtful takes a lot more practice and work. I absolutely know both my DH and I are critical at times and usually isn't on purpose or realized until the other person points it out. We are both pretty type A personalities so that probably doesn't help.
LOL at your sister L. I hope that she really was being sarcastic like your DH said.
The only advice I would give Bridget is not to take your DBFs comments seriously. I wouldn't even say anything if my DH said the refrigerator was disorganized lol! Who wants to have a conversation about that??!!
My DH has told me that I am defensive, especially in the past about cleaning/disorganization and such and other things as well. After thinking about it for many years, I agree with him. I am defensive. So now I accept I am defensive and that is that. If he thinks you are disorganized in the fridge (I am still giggling BTW because that is so freaking ridiculous) and if you look in the fridge and it is disorganized then I would agree with him lol!
I remember once DH was criticizing me about something, I cannot even remember what it was and it was similar to how you describe. I was reading in bed and he came in and I think said something about all the clothes I keep in my rocking chair next to my side of the bed. I got kind of huffy with him because he ruined my serenity. So he goes: "See, you are always defensive." And I looked at him and I said "yeah I am so deal with it or don't talk to me about things you know I will get defensive about. He was like . And even said he was amazed I admitted I was defensive lol! I honestly think they just want us to agree with them sometimes. I don't have a problem admitting my faults anymore, even if he says it in a high horse, posturing sort of way. He will shut up when I agree so I do it, especially if I am actually what he is saying.
I also use my admittance to point out how he should compliment me. Since I am defensive he should chose his words wisely when he speaks to me. Since I am disorganized (in the fridge lol again!) he should organize/clean more. And I will ask him how he will set about accomplishing this.
I now always thank DH for helping me get along with difficult people. I guess that is what I am thankful for on Thanksgiving Eve, that he has shown me that if I can get along with him, I can get along with anyone.
But your DBF is a riot about disorganized fridges. I have never paid attention to the organization of a refridgerator lol. What does an organized fridge even look like? I would tell him to fix it the way he wants it to look and that I would do my best to keep it that way, but he could pitch in and make sure it is organized correctly everyday. That actually reminds me of a Dr. Phil show I saw years ago when I used to watch Dr. Phil and there was this husband on there nitpicking everything his wife did. His biggest complaint was the way that she put spoons together in a drawer lol! He wanted them with the cup side of the spoon up, basically upside down, so they wouldn't have spots in them!! Dr. Phil looked at him like he was an idiot lol!
Erin, mine actually does complain about the freezer and he cannot find anything in there and doesn't know where things go and there is no room. It's a side by side so there are three shelves, two baskets and a couple of areas in the doors. If I have a turkey in one basket, it takes up most of the space. Other basket tends to have bags of frozen veggies. Other meats on one shelf and the two top shelves are frozen soups/chili/sloppy joes/french toast. In the doors are things like bags I chopped of celery for soups or partial bags of peas or something.
Seriously it IS organized and he still complains. I just tell him to be quiet and I will put away frozen things when I get back from grocery shopping and that is space and I know how to make space. I know where everything is in there. LOL
He once LABELED THE SHELVES. I'm not kidding. Leftovers. Milk products. Bread products.
My brother came over and saw it and we were in hysterics.
Thing is, he has organized it...maybe 3? times since I've known him? I also get a bug up my arse and do it once in awhile, mostly because it needs cleaning. So he'll be like, "i HAVE organized it and it just gets messy again." Same thing he said about the hall closet. I said, "You do realize that these things get unorganized and one must do it again in a lifetime? Like, this problem is not only in our household. **** gets messy. That's life. I tell him it's time to let go of the days when his apt was spotless because he lived alone.
Last edited by Bridget; 11-21-2012 at 01:52 PM.
Labels....that is pretty funny!
Maybe he should set himself up a chore chart. The fridge could be wiped out and organized every other week or maybe once a month.
Do you do his laundry? I mean you could say, I don't know why I have to wash these undies again. I already washed them. why can't they just stay clean?
Bridget, Mylah's links are GREAT! This one is my favorite. My dh reminded me a lot, even if I was just making conversation, to think about if I had a goal or end result for the conversation. What did I hope to achieve? Like, if I padded through the house and said, "It's really cold out," he'd occasionally ask me if I was saying that with a purpose (am I trying to achieve sympathy because I'm cold? do I want to turn up the thermostat? am I just randomly commenting on the weather and hoping to start a conversation about the season changing or Fall activities? am I hinting that I want to snuggle up together?).
It can drive me bonkers sometimes, because home is where I want to relax and not have to converse with great care. At work I have to be very careful how I say each and every thing, and I feel like at home I should be able to be understood as myself, as a person who has generally good intentions and is not passive-aggressive or mean-spirited. DH says that everything has sub-text, even if I am not aware of it, and I should try to become more aware of it. I do realize that saying things like, "The trash needs to be taken out" sounds a lot more like an indirect complaint or order rather than me just verbalizing what I'm thinking in my head, and he would rather hear me say, "Would you take the trash out, please?"
I think a lot of what my DH is after is an overall noise and conversation reduction, though, and not just a decrease in what he sees as complaints. He wants purposeful and directed conversation, with a goal, as brief as possible, doesn't want to talk about things we need to do or things we have to plan, doesn't want to talk about the children because we spend so much time with them already, and pretty much wants quiet around him from the time the children go to bed until the time he wakes up (except for the tv) because he's had to be around people all day.
Gah. I can tell I'm still cranky. I need to shut up now. This does not bode well for the weekend. I need more sleep.
I am bringing mashed potatoes and noise and champagne as my contributions to Thanksgiving.
I've been lurking again lately. I've been poorly lately, so I've been keeping up by reading but not posting. L, I hope you do get some sleep. I don't know how you're functioning so well with so little sleep!
Erin, I can't post here without commenting on Turkey-gate. I had a good laugh at that. I could imagine you saying to the girl, "Hey, I was thinking since I'm doing the turkey, why don't you guys just come over here to my house and dirty up all my dishes as well?"
Oh, Bridget, your boyfriend would probably die if he lived with me. I have my organised pile of things; I think I am a typical teacher-hoarder type person. Well, I don't hoard things but I hang on to things that I think will be useful for a lesson or pile it up to where I'll organize it 'later.' My DH says that living with me is like living with a teenager. (I do try some days to be better, I promise!) LOL
I'm in my typical Thanksgiving homesickness funk that I usually suffer with this time of the year. I'll be glad when Thanksgiving is over and I can start focussing on Christmas. The English really know how to do a good Christmas. I've started writing my Christmas cards to cheer myself up while drinking a can of Welch's Grape soda pop that I paid $2 for....oh, the little things!
Working at school has been going great. I really like my class and the other teachers whom I work with, although, they are all nuts about the Christmas play. Like, they will not let any of the kids help to make any of the props at all because it has to look professional. I was given the task of making an "Oscars-like podium." That might sound easy to some, but to me, that's like saying 'what's 4.55555 times 3.777777 and you can't use a calculator.' I really don't agree with my time at school being used to make props instead of working interventions with kids. One good piece of news we got this week was that our reading interventions must be working because a lot of our kids have gone up a reading level since starting school in September! That made me proud.
Bridget, I was going to suggest that you send DBF here. I promise not to hit him upside the head with anything (well, anything heavy anyway). I'll just show him my pantry and refrigerator, and then when he opens yours, he'll comment every time about just how well organized it is. He will know that things could be worse, WAY worse.
Labelled ...the ...(can't stop laughing) ...shelves!?! Bwahahahaha!! That's almost as bad as my sister. Almost, not quite. Once we came to visit and she had the entire bathroom covered in post-it notes letting us know which towels we could use and reminding us to please turn the sink off all the way after washing our hands.
Oh, and Erin, I have told several people your turkey story and they all LOLed, including DH who rarely LOLs at stories like that.
Labeled the shelves!!! That is hilarious!!! He would so not like me laughing at him all the time. I laugh at my DH a whole lot and he gets upset so I try not to but he is also hilarious. He would not label shelves though and it is nice your DBF even organized the shelves and fridge before. Tell him you appreciated it and he should do it everyday when he mentions it again.
I do laugh at him all the time. Don't you see? That's why he feels I am so evil. Like tonight when I came into the living room and he said, "Sawyer stinks" and I said, "I know you are a new dad and all but when your baby stinks you change his diaper". He said, "You just can't help yourself can you? Rip on me every chance you get.
Yeah, that made me laugh outloud. Not just lol. But I really laughed. Maniacal? Only to the well trained ear.
It's just one thing after another around here lately and I don't know if it's me being hyper-aware or if I'm at the end of my rope or what. Everything is rubbing me the wrong way.
Tomorrow my dad and brother are coming over though so that makes me a very happy woman.
I think I found someone to teach Savana and Kai to play piano. I've been searching for a long time. I'm trying not to get my hopes up but I think we can afford her and I hope they will love it. Music is one thing (and not the only thing) that I can't teach them. And it's too important to let go for too long I feel. I've read so much research about the relationship between math and music in the brain. If they can find that math music connection it would be such a great beginning. I hated math. It made me anxious. I wish now I'd felt connected to it because it's really pretty wonderful.