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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #36871
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    I wish we could be there with ya, Kate! I'll send good vibes to you any how!

    I don't really have any plans for Thanksgiving. I'd like to come up with something clever to celebrate it. It'll just be another workday to everyone else, but I'd like to do something in the evening when the 4 of us are all home together. I'm not much of a cook and we always have the traditional big Christmas meal with Rich's parents, so I'd like to do something else but haven't figured anything out yet.

  2. #36872

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    Thanks Chrissy and Ash!
    Chrissy, I hope Thanksgiving goes well for you!

  3. #36873

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    We are driving to Dallas to see Chris' family as usual. JoJo loves her cousins so she is super excited. Me? Not so much. Someone else on fb the other day mentioned how much she wasn't looking forward to Thanksgiving and one of her friends jokingly said she needed to learn how to meditate in the middle of a crowd. That's how I feel - I need to learn how to just go blank for two days and let it all swirl around me while I sit with a vague smile of my face.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  4. #36874
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    I have a difficult time with the Thanksgiving festivities too. The vague smile is accomplished only with the glass of champagne I drink when I first get there, but mostly I'm too busy running around trying to keep the kids from breaking things or themselves or touching things that aren't supposed to be touched, and they refuse to eat any Thanksgiving related food at all so everyone is hyper and hungry (I do pack snacks for them).

    My sister asked what time she should serve dinner this year and I told her that early evening would be okay with our schedule. She complained that the past few years we've had to rush out of there without getting dessert, and I remembered that dinner was late every year (no matter what time it was supposed to be) and by the time dessert was being served it was past the kids' bedtimes and they were starting to melt down and we just needed to leave and there was no way we could actually sit down and eat anything anyway.

    My DH had bought a little model teepee and Native American (also a model, of course) with feathers and a spear at a craft store a while back when one of the twins asked for them. S. has been choosing those two items to play with at bedtime the past two nights, but I had no idea he didn't know what they were. He knew they were a man and an associated dwelling, but didn't know the names for them. He kept saying, "I want the guy and his cottage! I want the guy and his cottage!" I was telling DH about this last night, showing him the little teepee and asking him why S. was talking about the teepee as if it was a summer place in the Hamptons, and DH said that he'd just never actually talked to him about them (they've been up on a high shelf until this week) and thought it was pretty clever of him to realize it was a place for the man to live and not really a house.

    Anyway, that's my totally unrelated story except talking about Thanksgiving made me think of it.

    I'm going out with DH tonight, to a dinner at a friend's place. This is our second time out this year, a record for us. Our friend pressured us into it. It's a president-themed dinner. We're each supposed to pick a US president and learn some facts and come in character and hopefully in costume. It sounded like homework to me, but I'm kind of getting into it. I googled "most interesting US presidents" and came up with John Quincy Adams, who appeared on Cracked.com's top 5 Bad-Ass US presidents. Apparently he kept a pet alligator in the White House, swam naked across the Potomac every day, and was a huge fan of outdoor sex. I threatened DH that my costume would be pretty easy, but of course I'm not going naked.

    So we are not moving after all. After all of the back and forth and back and forth, and most of the papers getting signed and then them asking for $15,000 more and $400 more a month, we finally got the lease paperwork which was full of completely illegal terms, like them stating that we would pay for any and all repairs during our time as renters including HVAC, water and sewer, roof, landlords would not repair anything, but there was another section in there saying tenants could not alter anything. It said we would waive some of the existing laws in the county having to do with tenant rights. Another minor detail said we would pay 10% late fee for late rent, although there is a late fee cap here of 5%--not that I have ever paid anything late in my life, so DH said that wouldn't matter. But we said that was just ridiculous. I would never sign anything like that. DH said we could just take them to court if anything came up, since the law would be on our side. But it was pointed out to them that the lease was illegal, by legal teams from their realtor's office and by ours, and they decided that they didn't want to rent it after all if they couldn't have those terms.

    I have spent the past few days getting the utilities transferred back out of my name. And I don't think I've succeeded with Comcast yet.


  5. #36875

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    What a freaking mess! What is wrong with those people?? So are you not moving at all now? Or just not moving there?

    I am thankful that our holidays are pretty stress free thus far. My dad just told me that my older brother and his family are driving down the friday after thanksgiving for the weekend. We discussed what we would do and we pretty much just eat and hang out and don't sweat the details. It's just us and my dad and younger brother though, so not too many opinions to contend with.

  6. #36876
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    L, I'm furious with those people! Are they are on crack?! I guess the bright side is you don't have to contend with moving during the hectic holiday season, but man what a disappointment. It does sound like there was something disturbingly wrong with them to demand all those concessions. No way would I ever give up any tenant rights. What the heck? Perhaps you would have ended up waking at 2:00 a.m. to them standing in your bedroom. Or something. Creepy and weird.

    B, your thanksgiving sounds lovely. I expect ours will be as well. Today is the first day of hunting season and it's a big deal for Rich. It's like his Christmas and he has all these rituals, liking leaving his clothes outside (and they're never washed with detergent, deer can smell it!). When we were very young, he'd actually insist on no sex the night before hunting, but of course I had to challenge that. I can't remember him ever saying no. So when I went over last night to pick up some stuff for the kids, he started talking about hunting today and that he'd been thinking...I cut him off and said, "You wanna get laid, don't you?" We were laughing and kidding, but it's made me think. He even suggested it wouldn't mean we'd be getting back together, but I still couldn't do it. It's rattling around in my head though.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  7. #36877

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    What a disappointment, L. I'm so sorry that didn't work out. I wonder what their deal is?

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  8. #36878
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    L, it sounds as though you are better off not entering into any legal (or illegal) agreement with those people anyway. But what a disappointment! I'm so sorry you aren't getting the house. Do you have any plans to look for another rent-to-own situation, or are you just worn out by the whole experience?
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  9. #36879
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    I'm sorry things didn't work out, L. Those people sound looney tunes, and you're best off knowing about it before you moved. What a huge waste of your time and resources!

  10. #36880

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    Have you all ever watched a show called Private Practice? i found it on roku last week and I can't stop watching it. Although it has me in tears almost every episode. It's very much a drama which doesn't usually capture my interest but I'm hooked.

  11. #36881
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    No, and now that you said it has you in tears I'll be sure to avoid it myself. I have enough negative feelings myself, I don't need to watch something that makes me cry more.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  12. #36882

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    I know! While I'm watching it I'm thinking, WHY am I watching this??? But I watch it anyway.
    Seriously thought, sometimes I need a good cry and I have a hard time getting started. I was crying for like an hour straight the other night when I watched an episode where a baby was sick. Once I get those floodgates open, a lot of feelings start coming up.

  13. #36883

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    I cry about everything. I was tearing up just now thinking about Josh who gets to be an angel in the Christmas pageant this year. LOL

    Also, today he and I got to light the chalice at church. Today was the Thanksgiving service where everyone except babies and really little kids come to the service instead of going to their classes. He mainly watched me do it--I had gone over the words we were supposed to say after the lighting, and he knew some of them, but chickened out when the time came. Hehe. It was fun, I was proud of him for getting through the service and he was actually interested in following along with the songs we were singing and everything.

    The part that teared me up was when we sang a song that the UU church I grew up in used to sing every week. It just made me feel like things were sort of coming full circle.
    Last edited by daylilies; 11-18-2012 at 07:08 PM.

  14. #36884
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    Awww, Kate. That's so sweet!


    Contrary to last year, I'm crying pretty easy this year and I'm getting sick of myself. I wish I'd quit it already. Im really starting to wonder if I have that seasonal affective disorder sh!t.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  15. #36885

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    We sat in the front row because we were the chalice lighters and during one of the readings the reader asked the crowd, "What do turkeys eat on Thanksgiving?" Josh raised his hand and said "Turkey!" LOL (The answer was: nothing, they are already stuffed. *groan*)

    There was apple cider and cornbread set up for the "Thanksgiving communion" near the end of the service and Josh kept saying "I want the snack now!" LOL

    You might have SAD, Chrissy-or you just might be overwhelmed with everything going on, which would also be understandable.

  16. #36886
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    Oh my-that was a lame joke indeed! Bless Josh's heart for being brave enough to raise his hand. I was never that kid. Far too shy.

    You're right, it's likely a coincidence...but when I remember all the hell my life was last year, I'm really a little annoyed with myself for feeling depressed now. I have my sh!t together compared with last year. I know without a doubt moving out was the right thing for me. For all of us. Rich has seemed to be in a better mood lately too. Of course, it's hunting season, so it's like his Christmastime.

    In the last week or two I've been feeling increasingly lonely. I don't want all the excitement of a new relationship, but the comfort of a nice cozy one. With all that I'm dealing with at work, I really long to have someone to cuddle with on occasion. Or a nice "I miss you text" even. But my love-life is all crickets chirping in the woods.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  17. #36887

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    Chrissy, I will be broken record here and ask you if you are taking your vitamins? Especially vitamin d. It's so crucial in the winter time.

  18. #36888
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    No, I have not. I'm really, really bad about taking anything on a daily basis.

    I'm sicker than I expected I'd be...and at work. I'm barely functioning thanks to those dayquil liquid gels. If I'm still this bad off tomorrow, I'm staying home.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  19. #36889
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    I don't watch that one but I do watch Grey's Anatomy which Private Practice was a spinoff of. I like a good drama....I just can't get into a lot of the new comedies. In my head they just don't compare to the ones I grew up with and would rather watch reruns of those.

    Kate, I have actually attended two Sundays in a row now! Yesterday was new member sunday. I wonder if you guys say the same things we do with lighting the chalice? We have a new minister and they have gotten into doing a lifespan service for all generations. So kids are kept up stairs for part of it before they go downstairs. I like all the music and singing....it's fun how they use different traditions.
    My MIL thought it was fine last week and said she enjoyed it. She just wished that the service had more God in it. LOL But she was just happy to go and seemed happy to find out that we are not atheists....tried to explain agnostic to her. Really I think when she moves up here, she would probably go to the UU with me. I told her that there are definitely Christians there....and she is really an awful Catholic. Never goes to church (rarely), likes to question at least some things, is about to get her third divorce and is pretty liberal.

    Chrissy definitely try to get in vitamins. And maybe think about getting one of those special lamps. It is entirely possible that you have SAD. Of course it doesn't help being sick. That just makes everything so much worse.

    I am bad....I now went and bought an embosser and a bunch of plates for it. I think I need to be grounded from Joann's. I used to make fun of scrapbooking.....and now I have a weakness for it. The papers are so pretty and fun. And the more I do, the more ideas I get for things to do and get better at it.

    We got the weight bench put together this weekend. Took us over 2.5 hours and a lot of swearing. We do not like doing that kind of stuff. Haven't really used it yet as putting it together was a workout!

    Also spent a lot of time filling out an application to refinance the house. Interest rates have dropped again so it seemed like a good idea. Can use the extra to pay the van down faster and after that boost retirement more. Normally we would have probably had the van paid in a year but we have to keep a good amount liquid for when we get the baby call. Such a pain to fill that stuff out though....they want so much info and for things like retirement accounts, we have like 4 of them and had to look up each one.

    Had our 90 day review with the social worker....she checks in and updates every 90 days to make sure nothing has changed. Our portfolio still hasn't gone out. Not sure that I could really change anything about the letter that they see first though....I mean I want to be true to us and I think that it is. Picture is the one I have on FB so I think that we look ok (first impression). That I will update at some point to get a new one with us and both dogs but need to get someone to take a good picture first. Maybe I will wear something brighter....I had a navy sweater on in that one. I am thinking of doing that in the spring if nothing has happened....gives us some time to lose some weight.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  20. #36890
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    I'm not sure what kind of "audience" the letter/pictures/portfolio is for, Jennifer. I'm guessing that they'd skew younger, in which case it might be worthwhile getting something done professionally, with both dogs. Most young people I know are prone to judging a book by its cover.

    Not much going on here, except Mira is now reluctant to go to school again. I'm going to talk to her principal, because I think this is directly related to the assistant in the classroom leaving. I was given assurances that this sort of thing won't happen again, but I don't see how they can control it. I am seriously considering at least changing her classroom, and possibly the school. Although, if what I'm hearing is correct, teacher retention is a problem everywhere.

    The brain damaged cat my brother has passed away yesterday. She was fine, running around, eating yesterday morning when he left home, but when ex-SIL came to feed/walk the dogs and cats, she found her dead. No trauma or anything. My brother had a soft spot for her, so I don't know how he's dealing with this (although she was going to have to go back to the rescue).

  21. #36891
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    Way it works is there is a one page letter that has a picture at the top. All in the agency have the same space in the letter and same size picture. Many are not done professionally and most we have seen (or the other couples we have met) are just average people. I know going in we worried about the looks thing...maybe everyone else would be better looking or everyone else would be thin. But really the ones we have seen, pretty much regular people and not models.
    Generally a lot of birth moms will be late teens or 20's. Sometimes they get younger teens but they tend to not place for adoption. Or sometimes they get women in their 30's who have a number of children and cannot handle one more.
    So based on this one picture and letter, they request a couple of portfolios. Ours I feel pretty strong about and am really proud of it. I think that it shows us as a couple through the years, our home, our interests and what life with us is like.

    I would still like to get a professional picture done of us though even if just for us. I just don't know if I would want to do indoor or outdoor. If outdoor, that would definitely be spring because the yard looks icky now. Indoor we could do anytime.

    I am not in a super big hurry either. At this point, I would prefer to get a call in the spring or summer. I am a little bit surprised that our portfolio hasn't been requested once yet. But than again I wouldn't want it to have been going out a lot and than nobody wants us. Part of me wants a safe haven baby and not have to have a birth family in our lives but there are still at least two families ahead of us I think. Maybe three that would get the call first the next time there is one locally.

    And really I would love to lose a bit of weight before a photo shoot. DH and I are actually both wanting to do this at the same time for once. I'm going to give weight lifting a try since I haven't done that before. Would really like to get off 25-30 lbs first.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  22. #36892
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    I am sorry about the cat.

    I think teacher retention might be a problem too. It doesn't seem like there is a way that they could promise that someone wouldn't leave.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  23. #36893

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    Sorry about your brother's kitty, Suja

    Jennifer, that's nice you've been going to church. I'm glad your MIL understands it a little better now. Every week we say something different with the chalice lighting, but there is something we say every week after the chalice lighting that we call the affirmation of faith: Love is the spirit of this church, and service is its prayer. This is our great covenant: To dwell together in peace, to seek the truth in love, and to help one another.

    Suja, I hope you can get things straightened out with Mira and get her enjoying school again. Jennifer, good luck with everything, I think you should not worry much about appearances and just do your best to look put together. I would hate to think that birth moms are concerned about how attractive an adopting couple is, but I guess that can happen. I think you both appear to be lovely, kind people and that's what should count.

    Chrissy, I'm sorry you're feeling lonely.

  24. #36894

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    Bridget, Private Practice used to be one of my favorite shows. It comes on too late now for me to watch it. They still have new episodes that come on Tuesday nights at 10pm, but that is too late for me as I will fall asleep. I also love Greys and since it comes on at 9pm, I can watch that one. I try to go to sleep by 10.

    Addison, the character to came from Greys, gets on my nerves though. She was way too...I can only say slutty LOL! She was both sluttly and needy. She is better now on the show but in the beginning, I couldn't stand her. I did like her relationship with Naomi, but her neediness and sluttiness get on my nerves lol. I also like to look at Taye Diggs (Sam). That is what I originally started watching the show for lol.

    Chrissy, I think you may just be stressed as well. But some more D couldn't hurt since it is getting colder. If you need to, take off tomorrow and Wednesday and come back to work fresh on Monday.

    Suja, so sorry about your brother's cat and for M not wanting to go to school. I agree there is nothing they can do about teacher retention. Honestly though, I would think they are not paying their TAs enough if they leave frequently. Here a lot of daycare/preschool TAs only get minimum wage in most places and they will jump ship to make a little bit more money. One of the reasons why I picked Elle's preschool is because they pay their TAs and Lead Teachers pretty good wages, above average for childcare. Her daycare is sponsored by Arthur Blank, the owner of the Atlanta Falcons and Home Depot and he set up an endowment for the preschool and afterschool program at this specific YMCA and they have the same staff as they did 6 years ago when they opened due to that. Their teacher retention record is the main reason I chose that facility.

    Erin

  25. #36895

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    Erin, I feel the same about Addison! I almost turned off the very first episode because she was bothering me. But I'm glad I stuck it out. I love Taye Diggs, always have. I think all the men on the show are pretty sexy, even Cooper. I like shortish in stature, dark haired, unshaven men.

    Suja, I am sorry about your brother's kitty.

    Kate, on fb it looks like Josh had a great birthday!

  26. #36896

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    Yeah he did! We had a good turnout, and I'm actually glad nobody else came. We were just about filled to max capacity. We had pizza, and a magician came who was really good. Everyone ended up playing with Josh's toys which kind of bothered him at first because nobody asked, but he was okay with it after a while. A friend of mine made the cake and it was really good. Then after his party we had another one to go to! I was wiped out at the end of the day, but I was more tired than I should have been and I couldn't figure out why, until I got my period the next day I'm glad I didn't get it on his birthday! I wouldn't have made it through, LOL

  27. #36897
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    Sounds like he had a wonderful party

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  28. #36898

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    Forgot to tell you ladies something both funny and weird that happened to me recently.

    As I mentioned earlier, we were invited to DH's cousin's house for Thanksgiving. She sent out a text invite, which is very informal and I think kind of rude, but that is how she is so I know longer get a funny look on my face about her texting every time she wants to communicate with us. I really would rather stay home for Thanksgiving, but her daughter is having a baby this month and I missed the baby shower because I totally forgot about it for one, and 2nd I had a horrible headache that day, which was why I forgot about it. So I decided to be social and go over her place for Thanksgiving. She has hosted before and we had a decent enough time. She's a good cook and usually makes a lot of things. I sent her a text (she speaks like she has an attitude problem when we talk to each other on the phone so I try not to call her) asking if she would like me to bring anything for the meal. I am the only person in the family who makes baked goods "from scratch" and usually both of our families love my pies, cakes, or cookies so I usually bring a pie or cake.

    This lady sends me a text saying "Can you bring a turkey?" LOL!! I have NEVER been invited to a dinner and asked to bring the main course. I told her, via text, that I may not be able to find a turkey since in my neighborhood people buy them up like crazy so I would check at the store and if they had one, I'd buy one. This after DH and I had a laugh about it and he cursed her a little bit for having the nerve to invite us to her house to bring the main dish. I figure maybe she can't afford a turkey, but he thinks she shouldn't have invited us if she couldn't afford it. I was not planning on making a traditional turkey this year and honestly, I need a lot of prep time to make a turkey, because I brine and let a turkey marinate in a spice rub (depending on the flavor I want) and the prep can take a week or more and she just asked me this on Monday. So I had to de-thaw the turkey in the sink, which is time consuming and wasteful of water. Where we live has limited water supply so I don't like to use a lot of water. I am regretting saying I would make it, but I decided to only because I also decided not to go to any more of her events for another year lol! DH is still cursing her lol! It is just ridiculous to me.

    He talks about my dysfunctionaly family all the time. I will admit my family is....I call them "special." But no one in my family would invite anyone over for dinner and ask them to bring the main course! They might just shun you or not invite you or talk about you in some way, but they wouldn't do that - ask you to bring the Thanksgiving turkey. I told my mom and she was cracking up. She has been saying I am rather mean lately, reminding her of her own mom and grandma, who were known to be blunt and kind of mean. FWIW, I didn't think either one of them was mean, but I knew them as old ladies so who knows, they may have been mean back in the day. But since I told DH's cousin I would actually bring the turkey she says I have a new "nice badge" lol!

    Erin

  29. #36899

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    Oh, forgot to mention a conundrum I am under. My former boss works for another local housing authority and she got a promotion yesterday and called me asking if I wanted to take her previous job. It will be $20K more than what I am making now and practically the same job, minus all the time consuming clerical duties I do.

    I have already submitted a few applications to grad school and if I get in, I will certainly go to school as I will not pass up the opportunity to get a PhD or even attend the prestigious universities I applied to (UPenn, UChicago, Emory, or Columbia). I am not certain I'll get in as I have been out of school a while and if not, then I would stay here in Atlanta and go to GSU or my old college for a Master's then try for the PhD later so I would be able to work if I went to GSU. I don't know if I should take the job or not since I don't know if I will be able to commit long term and I don't want her to look bad for referring me, then me having to leave the position.

    I told my former boss, who is a great friend of mine, this, but she said I can work from home 50-80% of the time in this position, which would be fantastic! But I just don't want her to look bad if I get accepted out of state at school and have to move next summer/fall. What would you do?

    Erin

  30. #36900

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    I would probably take the job. Even though you know ahead of time that you will have to leave, I think you should take it. You already let her know you would probably not be staying long and she said it was fine. I think it would be a nice move up for you.

    Too funny about your DH's cousin asking you to bring the turkey! I would not worry about doing anything special to it, just pop it in the oven. She asked you at such short notice, she can't expect you to do anything fancy. (Btw you have to send me a recipe for how you brine/rub your turkey, I've always been afraid to mess around with turkey but I'd love to try something new maybe next year!)

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