Aw, Chrissy. I don't think you were being insensitive; you don't want to send him mixed signals. (hugs)
And hugs to you, too, Bridget. Man, your boyfriend is a real piece of work.
Aw, Chrissy. I don't think you were being insensitive; you don't want to send him mixed signals. (hugs)
And hugs to you, too, Bridget. Man, your boyfriend is a real piece of work.
Bridget, I'm sorry DBF is making you miserable. I know you didn't ask, but I simply cannot see why you put up with his nonsense. DH is no angel (far from it, and our marriage is finally moving in the right direction, after a really long, rocky period), but even he wouldn't act this way. I hope he gets with a clue by four, and soon.
Been super busy. I'll post more later.
Chrissy, I am sorry to hear about Rich's friend. I am sure that is very difficult for him but you wouldn't be doing him any favors by giving him hope for a reconciliation with you, especially not while he is vulnerable. It would only hurt him even more in the end.
Suja, I don't know why I put up with it. I'd say I'm nearing the point of leaving but I won't because I hate it when people always say that but never leave. Maybe I am scared? It's a good possiblity though I'd likely never say it outloud. In spite of it all, the kids and I have such a great thing going here and I hate upheave everyone.
Of course today he acting like all is fine and dandy without mention of yesterday. That's just downright strange if you ask me. I mean I told him (mouthed at him) to eff off after he said that to me. I never say that to a person! I also told him he should not stay in a relationship he felt was abusive. And not today I guess we are supposed to just sweep it all under the rug.
Hey Ash, good luck! I hope you get accepted to the program.
Ash, lots of positive vibes sent your way for the post grad program!!! It sounds like an exciting prospect.
So sorry about Rich's friend Chrissy and I do understand you not wanting to lead him on. Maybe an "I care about you" would be more appropriate in that situation, but I totally understand you not wanting to open up some sort of hole he thinks he can crawl through to get back to you over this situation. I feel so sorry for his friend's family as I'm sure that was a shock. Forty-four is VERY young. My dad's father died at 44 as well and my dad always thought he would die at that age and is now 56 so is grateful he has lived longer than his own father, but through his experience, I know how nerve wracking it will be for the son's as they go through different periods in life and the fact that they no longer have their father is so sad.
And Bridget, ugh...about your DBF. He really needs to grow up. My own DH is a weirdo when it comes to the kids but he wouldn't not have picked up a crying baby. He actually cannot stand to hear baby's cry and doesn't get all macho with kids - meaning that he doesn't have to do things for them - until they are around 3 years old then he thinks they are "old enough" to deal with whatever and shouldn't be crying. But babies, he will pick up. Poor Sawyer. I hope it wasn't something too serious he was dealing with like an ouchie or a fall or something. Thank goodness Kai was comforting him.
Okay, so weekend was hectic. My brother was visiting, and brought along his GF, who is a very, very nice person. And anyone that can deal that well with the amount of puke that comes out of Jack - well, deserves a medal for one thing. She is physically not at all what I was imagining, but inside, pure gold (from what I can tell).
He also brought down Finn, our new cat. Poor thing sat in a cat carrier for something like 6 hours, pooped and got it all over himself, so ended up getting washed as soon as he got in, and still managed to wolf down his food (I found out today that the whole cats love fish thing is a myth; this kitty most certainly does not). He mostly tried to hide by making himself as flat as his little fat a$$ would allow, at the corner of the cabinets. We only had one incident where Pan walked by right as I was bringing him upstairs to check out the main living area (the dogs were outside until then), and he went all Psycho Ninja Kitty on me, and I got a couple of small scratches from what he was aiming for the dog. As of yesterday, Finn's strutting around like he owns the joint. He is super friendly to people, has gone up and sniffed the dogs, and mostly ignores Mira. He is slowly discovering Cat TeeVee, and is sometimes found, perched on the window sills with good views of the wildlife.
I am kind of exhausted from the weekend, dealing with cat, dogs, warring kids, staying up late and chatting, and have been having a couple of dizzy days now, which certainly does not help. On my way home, I have to pick up Khan's meds, then go grocery shopping. I gave it some thought and decided that it is best to leave work a little early and do the groceries without Mira first, then go to Costco for meds with her. She has a pretty nasty cough (weird, 'cause she doesn't have a cold, but her chest sounds bad), and is upset that her "brother", the one she was fighting with almost constantly over the weekend, left yesterday.
I need a vacation.
Speaking of vacations...omg. I won't even get into it here because frankly, I'm just disgusted with whining about my job. But to say that they do nothing but pile more and more and MORE work on me all the time is an understatement. I told Faye today I really feel like I have a decision to make about whether I really want to be there or not. She hesitated, but admitted her and the sys admin had talked to our boss about having me learn SCCM (Myles will know) because our guy is leaving 11/16. It's kinda like they're dangling a nice, fat, yummy brownie in front of me...except I fear the reality would be that it would be expected of me in ADDITION to what I already do. And no $ or promotion either, even though the SCCM guy is a full letter grade above me in the pay grade.
I can't ever remember thinking about quitting this soon in any job. I'm even questioning whether I want to do this for a living. I keep telling myself that it's not the work, it's the AMOUNT of it. Which is true. But I was pretty miserable at my last job too at the end so maybe it is me.
All I know is I'm so sick and tired now of my current boss making us do everything the hard way. She should just stay in her office or in meetings and let us do our jobs. Her constant interfering on this one task has literally added weeks to it. I'd have had it done (right too!) long ago if she'd leave it up to me.
There is nothing worse when you hate your job. You have to spend so many hours there, it would be nice if it was something you enjoyed. When I had to get a "real" job after I moved to Florida I was really missing my family business. I grew up in my family business and pretty much worked there until I was 32. Of course there were times my family drove me insane, but at the end of the day we knew we loved each other and it would all work out. Not the case at other jobs. Just hearing my SIL talk about the drama at her workplace. It sounds so junior highish. I would hate that. I don't get office politics.
We had a good weekend, it's glorious weather here, now is when we soak up the outside time. On Saturday we went to a festival and G had a great time running around. The booth next to my dh's was a 4-H booth and the woman had her pet bunny there. Gilly fell in love with Mo the bunny. Now he wants a bunny. I actually would love one too. G and I want a pet so badly. I think G is ready too, he was very kind and gentle with him. My dh was actually working the festival, he had a work booth there, G was helping out by handing out pencils to all the kids. We had a terrifying moment though when we couldn't find Gilly. G was running around playing in the grass with some other children, then he would come back and check in with us, and he would be off again. When I realized I didn't see G in the crowd, I asked dh do you see G, no, then I started scanning the faces, trying to freak out, but my heart started pounding. I knew that was safe there, it's a park and there fireman and policeman there, but still when you can't find your child in a crowded public place-freak out time. Then I started walking fast and calling out his name, I looked at dh and I could tell he was concerned too but trying not over react. My dh asked where is M, his co-worker, Gilly is probably with him? But where are they?! "M" just walks away without telling us that G is with him? Gilly does like M and will follow him around. After what seemed like an eternity, around the corner of the building come Gilly and M. So, M had gone to the bathroom and G followed him. I ran up to Gilly and hugged him and told he isn't allowed to go to the bathroom without me or daddy. WTF was the guy thinking that a 4 year old can go into a bathroom alone?!! He could tell from my face and dh that we were scared, the bathroom was right around the corner from where we were, but still, my baby doesn't go to a public bathroom by himself yet. My heart was pounding out of my chest, it took me awhile to calm down. There is nothing more terrifying. And Gilly is so friendly, so not shy, shudder. At this point I don't want to scare him but I want him to be aware of where daddy & mommy are. And he is pretty good about holding my hand while walking around busy places, I have seen his face when he loses track of me in a crowd. But this time he wasn't aware anything was wrong, until he saw my face, then he said sorry mommy. ack my heart!
Erin, well done on your test! I knew you would rock it.
L, congrats on your house!! Is it in the same area?
Ash, good luck on your schooling!
Bridget, your boyfriend is so selfish it's unbelievable. You and the kids deserve so much more.
Oh my goodness! I hate hate hate those moments when you lose sight of your child in a crowd!
I do love my job...I mean, the cool, geeky things I get to do. My only issue is having to do so much of it at once. We're now at 60 moves before Christmas break Two "surprises" were added to this week's moves, so I have no reason to believe that all our careful planning is really gonna be beneficial. It's only Tuesday and we already have 2 surprises. There will be more. And they will do this every week all the way through till the end. Not only that, but some people have just learned about their moves, and they're bitter. And they're bickering about where they're intended to go. One person is coming down from campus and some head-honcho from up there is personally coming down to approve her proposed office space before they'll 'allow' it. ugh
Chrissy, just a big *hug* for the work woes. Management will always try to get more for less. It's kind of their job to do that, but obviously your manager isn't going about it the smart way because she cares little about morale. You know, I had to look SCCM up. I realize now it was called SMS in my day, and I did have some admin functions, but I seem to remember I mostly did a bunch of ad hoc queries in the tool when people needed something. Wow, I feel so old school.
I've been reading but not posting much. We are all still trying hard as a family to find a new routine with me going into the office all the time now. After work last night, I was able to cook a full dinner and half cook-ahead tonight's dinner, make Bodhi's lunch, get him ready for school today and drop him off. So I feel a sense of accomplishment today (plus a sense of soreness from the Plyometrics class I took at the company gym yesterday).
Bridget, I'll chat to you off this site about the stuff you've mentioned is going on at home. Just for now.
On the topic of kids lying (sorry I'm late), this popped into my Inbox today.
It kind of describes my approach with Bodhi. I never want to outright accuse Bodhi of lying if I don't have evidence of my own, even when I strongly suspect it, but I always try to let him know when I have my doubts and why I have my doubts. I want him to know I give him the benefit of the doubt, but I definitely don't want him to ever draw the conclusion that mom's easily fooled. Plus, situations where he might/might not be lying (like when we used to reward his poops with toys, and he was highly motivated to lie about pooping) have actually been a good way to explore the concept of demonstrating fact with him. For example, we wouldn't reward him if he didn't do the poop right in front of us or have a teacher to corroborate his story. I told him it's not that we don't believe him, but it's important that he know how to produce evidence because there are lots of times people won't just take your word for it. We sometimes play a game of Are You Sure? where we talk about possible alternate explanations for events. Of course it's all very pre-school level, like "how do you know Lulu Dog didn't eat the car?", but it's fun to hear him come up with reasons for why he's SURE Lulu didn't eat the car. So then that dovetails nicely into Are You Sure you made a poop? And how can we know for sure?
I have to get back to work now. Have a great day, ladies!
Last edited by demigraf; 11-13-2012 at 10:47 AM.
Shelley GULP! I too have aged a thousand years when Bodhi's gotten too far ahead of me in a public place so I feel you, mama! I'm so glad Gilly is ok.
Toppling teacups! We had everything signed except the seller's option agreement and the lease, but it was pretty much a done deal because we spoke back and forth and they asked us to come up with a proposal, they changed a couple of things, we all agreed on it, and they asked us to write it up and sign it and send it to then. I have changed all the utilities into our name starting in less than 3 weeks. I have an interview with a preschool right next door to that house tomorrow. Last night they decided they wanted to increase the option by another $15,000 cash in hand and want us to agree to vacate in 6 months if we don't buy it. I have only 5 boxes packed and I don't know what to do. I'm so upset with these people. Plus I'm sick and can't stop coughing and S. keeps coming over to me and coughing on MY shirt instead of into his elbow. I've been spending so much time on the phone and on email and on the phone again.
I took the kids to a playground yesterday and had to leave because there was a mom and a toddler there who had brought a bunch of toys they didn't want other kids to play with. My kids were being pretty good, but the toys were scattered all over the place and they kept finding abandoned toys and thinking they could play with them, so I was chasing after one and then another and then another telling them to stop touching the other kid's toys. They've been doing a lot of playing at a playground where people just bring a leave toys for everyone to play with, so it was hard for them to comprehend that they couldn't play with a little toy truck that was unattended in the sand. It was really frustrating for all of us, and just set the tone for the rest of the day.
Shelley, isn't that the WORST feeling ever? I'm starting to get a little better about it, meaning that the absolute panic doesn't set in for a while longer, but it's horrible. Also, when I go to crowded places I always have my kids wear an ID band with my cell phone and DH's cell phone number inside, because DS and toddler S are runners. I've stood and watched them wander off to see when they would look back and worry about getting away from me, and they just don't. We have left the zoo and other fun places so many times after warning DS that if he wandered off 3 times in a row we would have to leave. And it's infuriating that other people don't have a clue that moms need to know where their kids are. My dad is particularly guilty of this, to the point where DH and I tag-team with my dad like we do with our kids, with one of us always staying with him. It's hard because he sometimes breaks into a sprint.
Bridget and Chrissy, so sorry you are having such a rough time. My time on here is not going to justify what I'd really need to say, probably, so just know I'm thinking about both of you.
Suja, nice to see you in here, however briefly! Why are you dizzy? Any possibility of pregnancy? Or is this ongoing health issues that I think you may have alluded to before?
Shelley, I "lost" Mira at the pet store the other day, and in the 30 seconds it took to find her, was nearing a full blown panic attack. I can only imagine what you must have gone through, and in a way, I wish we lived in simpler times, where we didn't have to watch over our kids all the time.
L, that sounds complicated. I hope it turns out to be the perfect home for you though, and everything works out for the best.
My dizziness has been coming and going for some time now. Next step is an MRI and I'm claustrophobic (I hope insurance company won't make a big stink about an open MRI if it comes to that), so I've been putting it off. Some days are really quite bad, like yesterday, when I had to pull the car over and wait for it to pass, and then some days, everything is fine. I just hope that this isn't MS, although in a way, a diagnosis of some sort would be nice, to know that I'm not crazy or imagining things.
I lost Josh in a Lowe's a couple years ago and it was not fun. In fact I was watching a little bit of Ransom today and was nearly panicking just watching the bit where the boy disappears. His parents were a lot calmer than I would have been. I was thinking "Panic already! Run! Yell for him!" I mean holy crap!
Suja, I hope you're okay. KUP!
Josh is in this phase where he gets home and is immediately lashing out at me. I thought maybe he needed some alone time to transition from being at school to being at home but he refuses to go play quietly for a while. He comes in the house, throws his backpack at me, demands a snack, gets progressively angrier when I tell him I'm not getting him a snack until he asks me nicely. I understand he might be hungry and cranky because of that but I feel like he needs to ask me nicely or get the snack himself (which he also refuses to do). Any ideas to help him transition into coming home? I also think it's a good idea to have him do his homework before he gets to do anything like watch tv or play. Do you think this is a good habit to get into now or should I be more lax about the homework? He does this homework on the bus (it's identifying letters and letter sounds, and reading short sentences out loud) but I need to sign it so I also want him to do it out loud in front of me, and he fights me on that) I know a lot of you are against homework at this age (and so is DH) but I feel it's an important habit to get into or it'll be a struggle all through school. How can I make it a pleasant experience? Ha ha.
If he's doing it already on the bus, I'd let that be. I'm bad though. I did not make my kids do their homework. Not in kindy anyway. We did what we could and it was always attempted but after a certain point I just felt like they were away all day and then I was fighting them to do homework for the very few hours I had with them. Savana fought me on it so bad as she was just miserable when she came home from school. I used to let her do it in the morning. If she didn't have time to finish, so be it. I honestly don't think forcing it now will make them better at it in the future. But I know that my opinions on this stuff are not popular. Does he have a desk? Could you make a special place for him to do it? Could you have a snack ready for him when he comes in? Not that his attitude is acceptable but kids act like little beasts from another world when they are hungry and tired. When Kai is in that place, I cannot even believe he is the same kid. Oh, and what if you said to him calm as can be that it would be fine for him to not do his homework. When he gets to school in the morning he just needs to let his teacher know that he didn't want to do his homework. I know mine never wanted to be "in trouble" (which I doubt was really anything, the teachers were so nice) so that would light a fire under them.
Oh, and Sawyer took off from me just yesterday at Shopko when I went to find a towel rack. He always helps me push the cart by standing in front of me and pushing on the bottom part so he is between me and the cart. He's been a real runner lately so I shouldn't have let this happen but I stopped to look at something and he so quietly slipped away. I looked down and he was not there! I started running up and down the aisles right away and yelling, "Does anyone see a baby?" and I heard a voice say, "Over here" and when I found him he was standing still as a statue and looked terrified. This is actually the second time that happened with him and I did the same thing las time. I always yell, "Does anyone see a baby?" alternating with saying his name because usually when I say his name he says, "What?" in this really macho grown up voice.
I remember that movie Ransom. I bet I couldn't even watch it now that I have kids.
Oh wow L, that is a low blow this stage of the game. What did your realtor say?
We don't have homework here yet, but I think it may be a good idea for him to take a break when he comes home from school before he starts homework.
This week we have a meeting with a new charter school starting next fall. It's a "Classic Academy" anyone familiar with that? It all looks good on paper. But next year will be their first year.
There are so many movies/shows I can't watch anymore. Before, I could watch something sad about children, and think oh wow that is sad, those poor people. And go on with my life. Now, no way.
Tonight dh was watching the Top Gear episode featuring the all time best Bond cars. It made me realize I have seen Austin Powers MUCH MUCH MORE than any Bond movie. Ever. Ha!
We have snacks after school before homework, but then homework before playtime. They can't get anything done while they're hungry and thirsty, and sometimes homework can take a while. Plus they need a little bit of time to decompress, but I figure snack time is a set amount of time that is not a free time that is going to stretch out indefinitely into "oooohhh, do I have to do homework NOW?" but rather just a matter-of-fact snack is over, now it's homework, then play time.
Myles, it sounds like everything is going well for you and your new job! I'm so happy for you. Did you see the software Romney's team used was a hurried, botched job and failed miserably? I thought of you. Someone was saying it was put together in 7 months or something, but the people on the ground were given the wrong log-in information, and then it continuously crashed. Perhaps the software designers were pro-Obama. I'm waiting for that accusation to come out.
L, I'm horrified for you. I know they haven't signed anything yet, but really at this stage you'd think they wouldn't be able to make such drastic changes. What is their deal? Do they want to sell or no? 15k is quite a chunk of change to add at the last minute. I'd be furious, as I'm sure you are.
Suja, good luck with finding what is causing the dizziness. I hope it's easily found and resolved. And of course, that it's nothing serious.
Kate, do you think Josh is just tired after school? Syd is soon to be 14 and she's so cranky after school it's not even funny. She's always been that way, but as a female teen it's really gotten worse. I think she could still benefit from a nap, and she often does, but then the dishes don't get done and it causes other problems.
I don't know if you saw my post on FB or not, but I did drop my car off at the dealership yesterday & forgot about it. While I was on the bus, they called but I didn't hear it. The VM said, "We're nearly done with your timing chains but we want to road test it first." Uh, it was there for diagnostics only. I'm really hoping it's just a great shop and they instantly knew it was a warranty fix and went ahead and did it. They can't do that sort of repair without talking to the owner first and expect them to pay for it, right?
Josh hasn't napped since he was 2. LOL. I did suggest maybe he needs to go lie down for a while but he doesn't. He goes to bed at the same time as he did before school and usually doesn't even fall asleep any faster. The kid's energy is endless!
Chrissy, I did see your post. Are you going to go pick it up today? I hope they don't charge you! Whenever I go to auto repair and they find something they run it by me first. They leave a message if they have to and they don't do anything that'll cost money without getting permission. I hope that is the case.
I tell Josh I won't sign his homework if he doesn't want to do it but that just makes him angrier because he did do most of it on the bus and he doesn't understand why he has to do it again so I can see that it's done and sign off on it. I suppose I could just go over the parts he doesn't do on the bus. I just don't want to be too lenient now and regret it later, but if you guys think it won't affect his homework skills as he gets older, I'll try to be less strict about it.
Bridget, you and I may disagree about some things like school but I still value your opinion.
Yeah I really didn't watch much of Ransom. I couldn't handle it. I wanted to see it again because there are certain actors I like in it, but I couldn't do it.
They fixed it under warranty! Go Suzuki!!!! And I'll pick it up in the morning. They are nearly 50 miles from me and close at 5:30. There's no way for me to get there in time.
I'm not strict about homework at all. If they don't do it, they get the 0 in class. As they get older, middle school age I think, it counts as 25% of their grade and they get credit for just attempting it so there's lots of motivation there for them to do their homework. Syd's class is having a party this Friday because all the kids went through the entire 5 week period without missing homework once. The teacher is buying the pizza and the kids are bringing in other goodies to share. I love that teacher.
I would sign his homework sheet Kate. I don't look at Ky's homework every day but I still sign it if he does it. But he is older and I have resolved to not check his homework every day like I used to do. We have had a series of discussions about how he is getting older and he is maturing and that I expect him to take care of his responsibilities without my input over the course of this year, since he turned 10.
I also would have Josh a snack ready when he gets home as kids usually are REALLY hungry after school and that could be causing his behavior upon coming home. When Ky was his age, we went to the park nearly every day (weather permitting) after school. I always brought him a snack, usually an apple and cheese or peanuts to satisfy him and I would let him play at the park for 30-45 minutes before we went home and he would do his homework while I cooked dinner.
I wouldn't make homework a big deal at his age. Even though it is something that he will have to do over the course of his childhood, if you make it a battle with him, especially about signing the paper, it will only lead to more negativity. Instead of having him do it in front of you, I would just glance over it, if it is a sheet or something he had to write out. I would also praise him for doing the work himself without having someone to tell him to do it. That is very responsible of him!! I would be proud and have not problems signing it. He seems like such a smart little boy. I'd not be very strict on the homework thing with him since he has the initiative to get most of it done himself. I 'd only glance at the whole thing and give him a thumbs up and sign the sheet. That is, unless you think he is not learning or progressing on an academic skill involved in that day's homework, but from how you describe him, I wouldn't think he would be behind on anything at this stage of his education.
From other things you've shared about him, I just wanted to say, I think you are really lucky that he has such a "get it done" attitude. A lot of kids are so....I can only say lazy about doing things that they need to do and I would be REALLY grateful to not have to remind him about homework. I still have to remind Ky about homework to this day and it was a struggle to get him to do it at all even in 2nd - 4th grades. Only this year has he really taken such initiative as Josh is displaying already in kindergarten!
Last edited by Ky'sMom; 11-15-2012 at 07:46 AM.
I feel bad now because I asked him yesterday if he did his homework on the bus and he said "No because I remembered that you want me to do it with you" I feel like I messed up. I talked to him and I said it's fine if he wants to do it on the bus and I will help him do the things he doesn't understand. But I still feel like I messed up a good thing by being so strict about doing it my way. Why am I such a control freak sometimes?
Kate, good mothers always question themselves. We don't have to be perfect to be good moms. Don't beat yourself up about it. Think about what will work for you and try that. Parenting is a learning process as much for us as childhood is a learning process for our kids.
Amen, Chrissy! Don't feel bad, Kate. You are doing great. You came on here and asked if there was a better way and now you are going to try something new. A child cannot ask for much more that that from his mama.
I agree you shouldn't feel bad.
This brings back memories of when I used to do my homework on the city bus or in the cafeteria LOL. I hated spending my free time at home doing school work so usually would get it done as soon as I could so I could do what I wanted to do at home.
Is everyone gearing up for the holiday?
We aren't doing much. I am considering painting my kitchen but haven't decided yet. I may just want to lounge around and do nothing for the long weekend.
Thanks ladies. Isn't mommy guilt great? LOL
For Thanksgiving I'm going up to my dad's so I don't really have to do anything. They want us to bring dessert and we have a package of Oreos nobody ever eats so I'm thinking of making a cheesecake or something with an Oreo crust. Tomorrow we're having Josh's party at the house (actually on his birthday! yay!) and I'm terribly nervous about that. From now on I'm just doing it at party venues like everyone else does. One relief is that I don't have to make his cake. I have a friend from church who does really cute cakes and Josh wants a Lego cake, so she was going to do it, but a couple days ago she told me she was sick. Nobody would do a Lego cake on such short notice so I was going to try. Turns out she's better today and she's going to do it. (I saw her post on facebook that she was eating garlic like some of you do!)
I went to one of my appts. today and it turns out I'm going for a couple medical procedures that I'm not looking forward to. I wish you guys could come hold my hand.
Last edited by daylilies; 11-16-2012 at 10:06 AM.
I wish we could Kate. You know we'd be there for you.
I'm going to attempt to go to Rich's for Thanksgiving. I wasn't going to, but it turns out my mother and brother are gonna and they were (teasingly) giving me grief about it. Since Rich & I have been getting along so well, and my mom and brother are gonna be there anyway, I decided I'll try it. If things get uncomfortable, I can always just come home.