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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #36811
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    You should be very proud. I'm sure you'll get accepted. You did great!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  2. #36812
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    Great, job, Erin! Good luck.

    I was also paranoid I would get a 200 (minimum) in the math section. I knew I'd be fine on the verbal so I didn't study that at all. I was actually wondering if I could get in with 200 math / 800 verbal as I needed a minimum of 1000 total (they hadn't introduced the writing section yet). I practiced the math every night for a month and ended up getting identical scores (good ones) on both subtests. I imagine if I had studied the verbal I could have scored higher but I was happy with my scores anyway and I was well over what I needed for admission. Congrats again. I know how stressful it is.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 11-08-2012 at 10:05 PM.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  3. #36813

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    Popping in briefly just to say congrats to L for landing that home. I really think you should hire a packing/moving crew. Even if outlandishly expensive, they would certainly be worth it given your time crunch.

    Erin, I would say I'm impressed by your GRE score, but I'm honestly not surprised, you smart lady you.

    Chrissy, big hug to you! Would you consider looking for work elsewhere? I have to admit I'm not much of a stick-it-out person when it comes to jobs. You already put in 6+ months which, in Internet time is like 7 dog years. You're coming up on a year. I'd totally be looking for a change if one is available to you. You deserve better than all that stress.

  4. #36814

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    Can I also just share that my hubby has been awesome this week in helping us work out a new routine with me on a new job. He's been totally taking care of Bodhi, making his lunch, doing laundry and having a hot dinner ready by the time I get home. This was our meal a couple nights ago. It was so yummy, I wanted to cry (and had to at least take a picture). Bodhi ate all of his, particularly after I shared how his pee would turn green with the asparagus:




  5. #36815

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    Oh, my that kitchen counter is dirty. We have to get out the pumpkin stains pronto!

  6. #36816
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    Yay for a hubby who cooks! That looks great.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  7. #36817

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    Looks yummy! (and I didn't notice the pumpkin stains until you said something)

  8. #36818
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    That dinner looks awesome, M! And I am just dying of envy that you have a child who eats a variety of things. DD eats about 5 things. DS eats about 10 other things, none of which are the same things DD eats. He used to be way more adventurous, and in fact he SAYS he wants to eat things, but he'll just move it around his plate and then complain it's too spicy. Too spicy actually means it's got too much flavor or too many spices.

    I am hiring movers, but not packers. I'm trying to secretly throw away or give away or donate a bunch of stuff as I'm doing this, and the rooms at the new house do not coordinate with the rooms at our current house, so I don't even know how to label a lot of the boxes. I got some estimates for movers today.

    Erin, congrats to you for taking and doing so well on the GRE. Here is an internet high five! You are so awesome!

    Chrissy, I have to agree with Mylah about 6 months being 7 years in Internet Time. If it's not worth it, start looking around.


  9. #36819

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    It's funny you say that about spicy things, Lydia. Josh does the same thing. "Oh it's spicy!" I try it, and it's not. Now I know he must mean it has a lot of flavor.

  10. #36820
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    Popping in while the family is watching a show I already watched. Erin excellent job! I knew you would ace it though....you are so well-written on here. Can I just say that i am sooooo happy that I didn't have to take the GRE. My program just didn't ask for it because I think my undergrad was very recent.

    We are having a good time so far....out for dinner last night, some drinking, out shopping and lunch today. Probably some wine tonight. Tomorrow is our thanksgiving....I'm making all the traditional stuff and a homemade apple pie. My dogs are being really cute and friendly and well-behaved....and tired.

    My weight bench arrived in the mail today so we should be getting going on a weight lifting routine soon. Just need to get it put together.

    Sunday I think I'm taking my MIL to church (her brother is very catholic and will not go). She is having a hard time understanding UU's. I actually think she would like it and fit in better there than a catholic church (I mean she is about to get divorced for the third time and is pretty liberal).

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  11. #36821

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    She might have a better understanding if she looks at it as a church without a doctrine. A lot of people ask "But what do UU's believe?" We don't all believe the same thing, but we follow the same basic principles of fairness, understanding, social justice, love and peace, etc.
    Look up the UU principles for her if she becomes interested in it.

  12. #36822
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    DS asked to read a book about mummies for bed tonight and asked me some more questions about the afterlife. Recently we read a book that mentioned heaven and after a little bit of explanation he said, "Ah, it's like the afterlife, isn't it?" So tonight we talked again about how different people believe different things, and a lot of ancient Egyptians believed that careful treatment of the body and certain rituals right at death ensured passage into the afterlife. That pretty much only very wealthy people (and their cats) could do that. I compared that to how some people believe that just behaving in a certain way in life, or believing in certain things, ensured passage into the afterlife.

    He asked if there was an afterlife.

    I said there was no scientific evidence for one, and I did not believe in it, but I do think that a lot of people like to think that there is something after death. I said, "What do you remember from before you were born?" He said, "Nothing." I said, "That is what I think it's like after death." He said he thought that too, but that after he died he would leave bones behind so people could discover things about him. I hugged him tight and told him he'd leave a lot more than bones for people.


  13. #36823

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    Erin, I am super proud of you! But not surprised at all. You are probably in the top 3 people I view as the smartest people I know. I think you are very wise and have impeccable common sense.
    Miles, that dinner looks amazing. Makes me hungry! I'm all discombobulated in my kitchen now with all of Kai's restrictions. I'm used to homecooking with lots of butter, eggs, cream, yogurt. Tonight I made tacos and gave him the fake cheese which kills me to give because it is pretty much nutrionally void. I did buy some "cheese" made from almonds (so weird) but noticed right before I opened it that it had casein which he showed a high reaction to. It's hard for him. He loves cheese.

    Jennifer I hope your mil likes your church. My brother acknowledged for the first time recently that he knows i'm not a believer. I just don't talk about it. But Kai did say to him once that he does not believe in God. Anyway, he just said as a side when he was saying something about Jesus that he knows I have my own beliefs on the matter but this is what he thinks....( he gets a little preachy when he drinks lol)

    I'm dying my hair right now. Really blond. My head is so itchy i wish I had a knitting needle to itch all the spots. Off to rinse.

  14. #36824

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    What a great conversation, L. Really cool. You do such a great job explaining things to them.

  15. #36825

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    I have to share this story that I haven't really even told anyone about. It was kind of an intense little conversation between my kids and the kids we drive. It all started like this: They came racing out of school yesterday saying that while they were on a walk today, someone dropped a candy wrapper in the yard of this person who then came out of their house and began screaming obscenities at the children, calling them little effers, saying they were going to kill them (that part I doubt is true, he likes to embellish A LOT) Anyway, they were very upset that this person used the f-word several times and the 5 yr old girl said she cried because she was so scared. The 10 yr old boy goes on to tell me that "the craziest part of the whole story is that this THING was a MAN dressed like a woman! He had on high heels, a dress, make up, it was SO GROSS and WEIRD and something was wrong with that person to be so mean and to dress like a woman"
    Oy.
    So Savana and Kai start in about how he can dress like a woman if he wants. 10 yr old boy says no he can't. God made him a man so he should love the body God gave him. There is a lot of heated words exchanged with a lot of references to the gross and weird dude(ette) Kai yelling out that God isn't even real. And the whole car went silent. Both of the kids are of course saying he is and asking me, "Right?? He's real?? Tell Kai!"
    Oy.
    Here is what I said. I've been over it a million times hoping I said the right thing. First I reached out and turned off the Peter Pan trilogy (which is excellent, btw)
    "Ok, so here's the deal. In your life you are going to meet all sorts of different people that believe and do different things. You will see men that dress like woman and woman who dress like men (this is where Savana yelled, 'like me!' bless her heart) and you will find the world is filled with all sorts of ideas about how the world was started and who to pray to. You will also find in most cases that has very little to do with whether they are a nice person or not.
    No one should threaten you, or swear at you and that's very wrong. I feel really angry that happened because I care about you. It is separate from the fact that the man was dressed as a woman."
    10 year old says, "so, you don't believe in God?"
    I say that since, as I said, that has very little to do with whether or not I am a nice person, that I'd rather keep those thoughts private.
    Oy.

  16. #36826

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    Bridget! You may have inadvertently found a way out of having to drive these kids to and from school every day! That is a tough conversation. I think you handled it a lot better than I would have.

    Great job Erin! Congratulations!

    L - I'm so happy that you get that house! It sounds perfect. But ugh on your schedule.

    JoJo calls sparkling water "spicy water"

    The other day she cracked me up. We were getting ready to leave for her birthday party and she came out with lipstick liberally smeared around her lips. I asked her about it (because it is okay for play, but not to leave the house with lipstick on) and she said that the lipstick fell on her face and that she hadn't touched it at all but it just FELL ON HER FACE! Its funny, but at the same time the increasing lies are starting to bug me.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  17. #36827
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    That sounds like the perfect way to handle the conversation, Bridget, and I agree with Katie, much better than I would have done.

    Katie, my DD lies like that a lot. Little things, mostly. Just for the most recent example, yesterday she forgot to get her backpack out of the car when we got home and she turned around and then stumbled off the curb and practically fell into the car and banged her shin and forehead as she was reaching in to get it. I asked her if she was okay, and she smiled brightly and said, "Oh yes, Mommy, because you see I meant to do that."

    And I had given all three kids a fancy manicure yesterday before school, complete with little decals on all of their nails (blue polish with green stars for DS, pink nail polish with pink flowers for DD, and blue nail polish with pink flowers for little DS), and DD had promised not to bite her nails. Half the polish was gone after school, and she told me it just fell off.


  18. #36828

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    Do you call them on it? I don't know what the level of my response to that should be. When I tell her that I know she isn't telling the truth, she gets even more intransigent. If I don't say anything, then I feel that I am condoning the lying and tacitly saying it is okay. But then sometimes I feel that by calling her out on the lie I am stifling a creative story-telling talent.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  19. #36829
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    It depends on what the lie is. When she fell into the car, I told her I knew she was embarrassed, but it was just an accident and it was okay to just say she was fine and move on. That way she would not be admitting fault and she wouldn't be lying. I told her that I was pretty smart and I knew she didn't do it on purpose. With the fingernails, I also told her that I was pretty smart and knew that nail polish did not fall off or wash off, and that she couldn't have replacement nail polish until she stopped biting her nails because it wasn't good for her tummy to be eating it.

    DD has also been making up bad stories about DH or me to the other one. Like at night a while ago, she came up to me and told me that DH had told her that he would throw away her favorite stuffed animal if she didn't behave during their outing. I didn't believe her, because I knew that DH wouldn't do that, but I didn't just outright accuse her of lying because she seemed upset. So I asked her what his exact words were. She quoted him as saying that. I asked her what she had done. She told me something minor. I talked to her some more and got a more thorough story, and DH came in the middle of it and got (understandably) upset at being cast as a villain, and I shooed him away because he was getting emotional, but in the end I got DD to admit that she exaggerated what he said and did, and that she was making up stuff just to make me feel sorry for her but didn't think about trying to get DH in trouble. I told her that instead it made me feel sorry for DH. She apologized to DH. But this was the second major event. She also told me that he had told her he didn't love her anymore. I also didn't believe her, and worked my way through her story until she admitted she made it up.

    She did the same thing to him about me just recently, and he believed her and came storming out to me angrily and accusatory.


  20. #36830

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    You guys are good at thinking on your feet. I always worry about when Josh asks me things like that. Factual things I can do, I'm pretty sure I can explain where babies come from, off the cuff and in a way he'll understand. But religion and the afterlife are much more sticky topics especially when someone else's kids are listening!

    As for lying, I call Josh out on it. I know he thinks he's being clever but there's a difference between making up fictional stories and lying about something your parents said. I can tell when he lies that he went to the bathroom, because I didn't hear the toilet flush and the water isn't yellow. Or that he says he washed his hands but they're bone dry, because when he does wash his hands they're always very damp afterward. I think kids should know people can tell when they're lying. I'd direct that creative storytelling somewhere else such as by writing a book or drawing pictures that tell a story.

  21. #36831

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    I posted a thread awhile back about when to address lying and how to differentiate from pretending. I got no responses.
    I've struggled with certain aspects of it. For example, the little boy I took care of whose dad was in jail and he missed him terrible. He would tell outrageous stories about him and his dad going deer hunting and shooting 30 deer. I didn't really want to call him out on it because he was already so fragile. He was also a one upper. Like, when Kai showed him his 4-wheeler he said he had a bigger and better one that his dad got for him. It mad me so sad. At the same time, when my kids asked me in private if R told lies, I did tell them he makes stuff up. After that they would start to question him about some of the things and he would often fess up but not always. The kids were always nice about it so maybe it was better coming from them than me.
    Then Savana will tell me that she read something really interesting in a magazine about a museum made from all recycled materials and went on in detail to tell me what the doors, walls, floors and exhibits were made from. I questioned her several times before she sheepishly admitted she was just pretending.
    Otherwise my kids are truth tellers to the extreme. Like to the point where they will tell on themselves if they've done something they don't think I'd like. I always get really upset with dbf when he accuses them of straight up lying because they are very, very honest and they don't ever lie. Savana will say to him that she ate all her broccoli and he will look at me right in front of her and say, "Did she?" and I'm like, "She would never lie about that. Why would you question it?"
    And then there is the 10 year old boy. He lies almost constantly and claims things to be fact that he's just guessing on. I don't call him out every time but I do tell him that it is hard for me (or the other children) to now when he is telling the truth because he makes things up so often.

  22. #36832
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    Bridget, I think you handled that whole 'god' thing with the kids you drive perfectly. I'm in awe of you because I wouldn't have been able to be that clever under the gun like that. Now I have something filed away for when it comes up...if ever.

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Chrissy, big hug to you! Would you consider looking for work elsewhere? I have to admit I'm not much of a stick-it-out person when it comes to jobs. You already put in 6+ months which, in Internet time is like 7 dog years. You're coming up on a year. I'd totally be looking for a change if one is available to you. You deserve better than all that stress.
    I'm definitely looking for other positions within Cornell. I haven't looked outside of Cornell because the previous times I did, I couldn't find anyplace in a 50 mile radias that paid anything like what Cornell does. I had a local hospital (which is part of a large medical group) call to schedule an interview. They hadn't advertised their recruiting range so even though it's taboo to do so, I asked her outright what the starting pay was projected to be. $13/hour. Um, no thanks. And this was a position that involved system administration, like my previous one. Upstate NY really has the crappiest pay.

    As for relocating, I haven't really looked at all. Rich & I had a discussion and he'd be willing to try to find a job near anywhere I got one, so I guess it's not out of the question...but since both our extended families reside here I really think I'd need at least 15-20k more a year to seriously think about it.

    Quote Originally Posted by demigraf View Post
    Oh, my that kitchen counter is dirty. We have to get out the pumpkin stains pronto!
    Uh, I didn't see anything!! Except a yummy dinner.


    Conner has only told a couple little fibs that I know of. He peed a little bit in his pjs last night and he told me an allosaurus did it. With Conner, I think he picks up on his older sisters teasing me. I don't take it as blatant lying, but him picking on me rather. Maybe I'm wrong though....who knows.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  23. #36833

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    Argh! Dbf is actually acting mad at me because I didn't teach the kids all about Alabama while he was gone there last week. He said to them how they should learn about Alabama while he was gone and tell him all the facts they learned when he came home. Well, I showed it to them on the map and I tried to see if they wanted to learn more and they didn't! It's just so far away from what we are working on right now. Geographically, we are talking about Egypt and deserts in general as that's where our peter pan story is taking place. Anyway, last night he asks them what they learned about Alabama and they say "nothing" and he says, "Well that SUCKS." and gives me a nasty glare! Both kids look at me, wondering if they've done something wrong and I say, "Hey, I have a great idea. Since we are so busy with the lessons we're focused on right now, we didn't get to learn about it. Why don't you shut off your computer, pull out a map and YOU teach them all about this state that YOU want them to learn about. His response was that he's online looking for new tires for his truck. No matter that the kids would have been in bed in an hour and he could look all night. Man am I annoyed by that!!! Grrrrrr. Btw, my return button isn't working so that is why this will be one run on paragraph. What's everyone up to today? I'm hoping it stays nice out. Yesterday was 66!! Lovely weather! Jennifer, how was thanksgiving dinner?

  24. #36834
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    Bridget, I used to do themed teaching when DH went on business trips to exotic places. When he went to India, we ate Indian food, watched videos of Indian dancing, made collages and colored Indian designs and themes. Did the same thing for Australia, Germany, Japan, etc. Did NOT do the same thing when he went to Utah or San Diego or Vancouver. It just wasn't exotic enough, especially for 1-to-3-year-olds, which was when he was doing most of his long trips. And phhbbtth to him. Love your response. Maybe if he doesn't feel like teaching them about Alabama, he can teach them how to shop for tires. Soon they'll be doing their own Animals.com just like my kids.

    My day yesterday was incredibly awesome, despite the fact that everyone except DS was sick. DH took all three kids out in the morning for 2.5 hours so I could write my newsletter, which is due next week for my volunteer job. I did it start to finish and sent it off, which was a huge relief.

    And then I had my 7-hour playdate in the afternoon, but I gave him the heads-up that DD had a low-grade fever (but no other symptoms) and that I wasn't feeling well, and he said that he was okay with still doing the playdate but agreed that maybe it should be shorter. So that was nice. We met at the shoreline in Berkeley near the Marina and they played for a while at a regular playground, and then DD asked to check out the Adventure Playground nearby. We'd never been, because I thought there were some age restrictions to get in. We walked over and looked at the rules and decided to stay. It was totally awesome and the best playground ever!

    We had to sign a waiver that we understood it had hazards and injuries could occur and that we'd take care of our own kids and wouldn't hold them responsible, blah blah blah. But no age limit. If a kid can find 10 nails, 5 splinters, 5 pieces of trash, or 1 "Mr. Dangerous," which is a piece of wood with a nail poking through it, they can turn it in for a tool. We played for hours. I was really glad I just had the twins with me. I can see it being really difficult having toddler S. along. DS was rolling down the hill inside a barrel at one point and got dirt in his eye and cried for a little bit. Otherwise, no incidents. After about 3 hours, DD got all limp and said she needed to go home and when we got home her temperature was 100.7 and I was getting dizzy every time I moved. But I'm so glad I found this playground.

    Oh, there is also a really cool zip line, but you have to be six years old to go on it. DD spent a lot of time looking at it and wishing she was six. It didn't help that our friend made a couple of comments about how some of the kids didn't look like they were six. DD started pointing out any child that was smaller who was on the zip line. I know she is totally capable of going on the zip line. She's been at least a year ahead of her peers in gross motor skills, and she's the size of a six-year-old. But just like I wouldn't lie to pay less for admission, I don't want to bend the rules like that.











  25. #36835
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    Man, Bridget, he has an excuse to not engage with the kids for everything, doesn't he? I'd be miffed too. Why should it be 100% your responsibility?

    L, that zip line sounds fun! That reminds me, our somewhat local ski place built a summertime activity center that's supposed to have 5-7 zip lines. I intended on going last summer but totally forgot all about it. And, well, money probably would have been an issue too. Maybe next year. For someone that's afraid of heights (me), I can't wait to do a zip line!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    L, that playground looks amazing! I hope you all are feeling better soon.

    Bridget, that is so not cool about your dbf and Alabama. You should have told him that you taught the kids all about the race riots and stuff that went on there in the 50's/60's and watched his reaction. And you can tell him that I'm from Arkansas and all I know about Alabama is that we hate their football team!

    We have had a really great weekend here. I have had a cold for over a week now, but I think I'm starting to recover from it; at least, all the snot is starting to make its way out of my system, so I think that's a sign that I'm recovering! We took the boys swimming yesterday afternoon and they had a blast. Travis wears those arm band things and jumps in with no fear and seems to be doing really well doggy paddling around. Cash clung to DH's neck for half the time but eased up near the end and even laughed a little when we splashed around. We both said that we'll probably make swimming a regular winter activity since we're limited to how much we do outside in the winter days (it gets dark so early here and really is bitter cold!) Today, we went to one of Travis' classmate's birthday party. It was at one of those play places like Chuck E. Cheese, so we had to pay for Cash to go in, but we didn't mind because he loves playing in those places. Both the boys had a really good time. I mentioned on my FB status about how Cash picked up an onion ring off his plate and said, "O" and then bit in to it, held it up and said, "C!" He is getting really good at his number and letter recognition.

    Cash is doing really well at nursery now. He finally got over his pushing/hitting/kicking phase and is back to being a lovely little boy, which I am thankful for. His speech is really improving as well. I think it's owed a big part to being at nursery where he has to ask for things and interact with the other kids.

    Oh, I have to tell you guys-I've applied to get a post graduate degree in education; it's a one year program and would make me a qualified teacher again. I am not too hopeful that I'll get a place because the program is so competitive, but if y'all could send some vibes my way, I'd appreciate it!

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    good luck!

  28. #36838

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    Good morning all.
    I think I had the worst the weekend I've had in a very long time. Spent the bulk of it moving the kids' desks and school supplies back downstairs. We all have to move since one person in the house won't move his effing computer (and the huge recliner that is his computer chair) out of the living room to make more space. The basement is freezing and we'll double our heating bill keeping it warm. Oh, and that's not even the worst of it. I've been told I am verbally abusive. Yup. After I had to come out of my shower early because I could hear Sawyer crying and found him laying in the tiled hallway while Kai tried to help him up. Dbf sitting at his computer. When I peek around the corner holding a screaming Sawyer, he gestures to his paperwork as if to say, "I'm working". I say that no matter what he is doing, when the baby starts crying and I am unavailable he needs to get up and see what's going on.
    Yup, there's my verbal abuse for you.
    He will say absolutely anything to win an argument. Unforgivable!
    Sorry for all the negativity. I am not in a good place right now.

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    Oh Bridget. I know you already know that's very, very unfair of him. Wow.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    I feel so bad for Rich. He just called me on his lunch. One of his coworkers, whom he's been friends with and even worked some side jobs on the weekends with here and there, passed away of a heart attack Saturday after they worked together Saturday morning (at work, not one of the side jobs). He was only 44 and has 2 sons. One is 20-ish, but the other is about Syd's age, so only 13 or 14. Rich is pretty upset and emotional. He kept saying he felt like he had to call me and say, "I love you" but I couldn't bring myself to say it back. Even though on one level I do and I genuinely feel bad for him. I was too afraid that if I said, "I love you too" (which is true, in a manner of sorts), he'd take it as encouragement for 'us'.

    Tell me I wasn't too insensitive and mean. I do feel horrible for him and his friend, and especially his kids.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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