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Thread: Secular Confessions

  1. #36601

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    Haha, google is such a double edged sword.

    I think I am a pretty sexual and being and I do like sex a lot. I think the issue for me right now is that certain things are attractive to me and certain things are ugly to me and they have nothing to do with looks. I know that I don't have to love someone to have sex, and dbf and I normally continue to have it even when are relationship is rocky but lately he's been pissing me off so much that I can't believe the audacity of him to just think that he is entitled to it without even having to try.

    I hope Savana had a good birthday. I try to keep things low key and we don't go crazy with spending, just try to get a few special things. I always get panicky that I'm not doing enough and they won't remember their birthdays as being special.
    Super cute story last night we went to eat Sushi (Savana's fave) and the restaurant had this huge wall mural of a mer-man in the women's bathroom.
    Backstory is that we've been listening to pirate stories that use "idjit" or "idiot" A LOT. I tell Savana and Kai that I trust they are old enough to understand that even when we hear these words in a story, we do not use them in our daily life. Well, Savana asked me to come with her to the bathroom as she had gone alone the first time since I could see the bathroom from our table and we were the only ones there at that time. Then she showed me the painting as I had not see it and said, "Mom. I have to tell you something and it's bad." I was like all ready for something earth shattering and then she said, "That mer-man really creeps me out. When I was in here alone I felt like he was staring at me so I wanted to say something brave to him and I couldn't think of anything. All that kept coming to my brain was 'idjit'. So I looked at him and called him an idjit over and over until I was done going potty. I'm so sorry I used the word you told me not to."

    OMG could she be any sweeter? I had to force myself not to laugh because she is so sensitive to that. I told her that I think she did that because she understood what I meant when I said I trusted her not to use that word in daily life. Being alone in the bathroom and using the word toward a creepy painting (which it was) because it makes her feel better is totally ok with me. I told her no one can control the thoughts in her head but her, nor would I ever want to and she should try not to feel bad about things she thinks because that is just the way human's sort through things. She was so relieved! My little rule follower!
    Last edited by Bridget; 11-01-2012 at 09:51 PM.

  2. #36602
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Haha, google is such a double edged sword.

    I think I am a pretty sexual and being and I do like sex a lot. I think the issue for me right now is that certain things are attractive to me and certain things are ugly to me and they have nothing to do with looks. I know that I don't have to love someone to have sex, and dbf and I normally continue to have it even when are relationship is rocky but lately he's been pissing me off so much that I can't believe the audacity of him to just think that he is entitled to it without even having to try.

    I hope Savana had a good birthday. I try to keep things low key and we don't go crazy with spending, just try to get a few special things. I always get panicky that I'm not doing enough and they won't remember their birthdays as being special.
    Super cute story last night we went to eat Sushi (Savana's fave) and the restaurant had this huge wall mural of a mer-man in the women's bathroom.
    Backstory is that we've been listening to pirate stories that use "idjit" or "idiot" A LOT. I tell Savana and Kai that I trust they are old enough to understand that even when we hear these words in a story, we do not use them in our daily life. Well, Savana asked me to come with her to the bathroom as she had gone alone the first time since I could see the bathroom from our table and we were the only ones there at that time. Then she showed me the painting as I had not see it and said, "Mom. I have to tell you something and it's bad." I was like all ready for something earth shattering and then she said, "That mer-man really creeps me out. When I was in here alone I felt like he was staring at me so I wanted to say something brave to him and I couldn't think of anything. All that kept coming to my brain was 'idjit'. So I looked at him and called him an idjit over and over until I was done going potty. I'm so sorry I used the word you told me not to."

    OMG could she be any sweeter? I had to force myself not to laugh because she is so sensitive to that. I told her that I think she did that because she understood what I meant when I said I trusted her not to use that word in daily life. Being alone in the bathroom and using the word toward a creepy painting (which it was) because it makes her feel better is totally ok with me. I told her no one can control the thoughts in her head but her, nor would I ever want to and she should try not to feel bad about things she thinks because that is just the way human's sort through things. She was so relieved! My little rule follower!
    Awww...she really is a sweetheart. You have a real gem there Bridget. I know you know that already, but I just love these stories. Her sweetness really touched my heart this morning and I have tears pricking my eyes.

    As for dbf, I can totally get having sex for sex, but at the same time feeling resentful and "no way!" toward him with his attitude. Even if you're just 'hooking up', the person you're going to be with soon will be attentive to some extent and do/say things to help get you in the mood. So there may be earlier-in-the-day (week, month!) resentment and dbf has to work harder if he wants some. That's called life. You're not just a hook-up girl. You're his significant other and partner in life. Putting effort in shouldn't be something he's told he needs to do. He should want to just on the basis of nurturing your relationship. Or so one would think.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  3. #36603

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    Savana is such a sweetheart!!! That is such a cute story! And the freakish merman does sound creepy - the idjit better leave her alone!!!

    I think I see sex in a different way most of the time. I get the situation you describe Bridget where if he is being annoying you just don't want to do it. I do the same thing sometimes, but it is very rare. As I see sex as something for me, not him, in a way, I use him for it. I don't see it as a weapon or a punishment for him. I see it as something I like and I don't give a crap how upset he is making me most of the time, if I want some, I will get some and I am lucky that he is always willing. He has never not wanted to have sex with me. We both initiate it probably 50/50 so if he stopped initiating I would think he was cheating, but even when he did cheat, we were still having sex regularly.

    And FWIW, he also is a horrible liar. When he cheated, which was years ago, he actually told me about it before I even suspected and was near tears and everything. He is very guilt prone and a horrible liar and if he does horrible things, he will usually tell me and beg my forgiveness. The only thing that was somewhat out of the ordinary was that he didn't rub himself on me as often lol. That is what he does when he wants some and even though it gets on my nerves, I usually give in because I like to laugh and it is hilarious to me, laughter loosens me up in a way. He will rub his groin on me or grope me pretty much every day like he is some perverted horny teenage boy trying to get some for the first time.

    And also FWIW, I do feel cheesy about him most of the time. He gets on my freaking nerves but most of the time, I am very much in love with him and even though I dream about leaving him and his constant trip-out-attitude, I cannot imagine not having him in my life. I even sing to him sometimes. Last night on that show The Voice, one of the contestants was singing the song that reminds me of how I feel about him - Alicia Keyes, If I Ain't Got You. And anytime it comes on, I sing it to him and he gets all embarassed. I think I may sing it to him on our 10 year anniversary as I am thinking of having a wedding or at least a reception/party in celebration of our anniversary because if we make it 10 years, after already being together 8 years, it will be something worth celebrating. Plus we didn't have a wedding/reception, just went to the justice of the peace as I am not all that into weddings and such but I would serenade him with that song and make him blush lol. You all would be invited. It will probably be on a beach somewhere and since I'm cheap I will find a good deal and let everyone know.

    Erin

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    Oh Erin, that would be wonderful!!! Rich & I didn't have a real wedding or reception either and we wanted to do a renewal of the vows for our 10 year anniversary. I bought the dress, put the deposit on the venue and everything...then I got laid off so I had to cancel it all. It was ok though. I mean, it was something I thought would have been nice to do if we could afford it, but if not...meh. We weren't any less in love or married without it. I totally get your desire to do so and I hope you can!!

    I sorta used the ex-boss about a month ago. There's still some lingering emotional connection there as well, but it was more a case of it having been a while and it seemed like a fun thing to do that day. He said something about me using him and I actually got the impression he was slightly hurt by that. Not that it prevented him from participating. I'm trying to refrain from it altogether though because I still think I'd date him if he'd get some things straightened out in his personal life. He won't be motivated to do so if I'm available. If he doesn't get motivated, that's fine. Someone else will eventually come along. I'm ok with my life and how it is at the moment.

    I am worried about meeting someone who isn't as into the sex part as I am. Or who would get hurt feelings if I don't initiate even 50% of the time. I'm accustomed to Rich primarily being the initiator and he never once said anything about it always being up to him. I don't know what it would be like to try and initiate and be turned down either. I think that would be devastating for me. I feel for you girls that have to go through that.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  5. #36605
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    That is a cute story, Bridget. I like the Scottish accent best when saying idiot, which is eejit. That's a word that I say quite a lot of and I'm not so proud to say that Travis uses it as well when he's angry. I shout at people who don't use their indicators when driving and stuff like that and Travis picks up my road rage and shouts with me some times. Cash has started shouting at traffic lights as well; when we're waiting and all of a sudden the lights go to green, he'll shout, "GREEN! GO! GO! GO!!!!"

    Chrissy, it must be so hard to sort of start all over in the dating world. It seems like it would be very scary, but then really exciting as well to think about new love and the exciting honeymoon phase you first go through in new relationships.

    Erin, you should definitely do the ceremony! I want to go to Hawaii and renew our vows on a beach when the kids are older; they won't be old enough for our 10 year anniversary, so I'm thinking 15 year anniversary would work. It always looks so romantic when people get married on the beach. I've always thought Hawaii looks like paradise.

  6. #36606
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    Mine said I was lucky to get him to a wedding in the first place...he wanted to be married but doesn't like the wedding part and being the center of attention and all that. I thought he was going to pass out during the ceremony poor guy. LOL I don't think that he will agree to doing renewals unless it was something very small and very private.
    Next year it will be 15 years together and our 10 year wedding anniversary.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  7. #36607

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    You DH sounds like mine Jen!! He doesn't want to do the renewal thing, and honestly, even though I do think it would be fun, it isn't a huge deal for me. I would like to do it mostly for my parents as my mom especially wanted us to have a wedding, even a small one. I am thinking of doing it in the Carribbean, not the Bahamas but somewhere else, maybe the DR as we went there for one of DH's cousin's wedding and it was really nice and not very expensive. We paid $1200 for an all inclusive stay and that included airfare for 2 from Atlanta and a rental car for a week so it was a really good deal. I wouldn't mind Mexico either as you can find some affordable deals there. My mom wants to do it in Aruba as she has had dreams about going to that island but Aruba is more expensive than other Carribbean or Mexican destinations so we shall see.

    Erin

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    Quote Originally Posted by AmeriBrit View Post
    Chrissy, it must be so hard to sort of start all over in the dating world. It seems like it would be very scary, but then really exciting as well to think about new love and the exciting honeymoon phase you first go through in new relationships.
    I'm really not excited at all. I think about my maternal grandmother, aunt and mom who were all single in their 30's/40's and never connected with anyone again. I really think I'm going to take after them. I've been hit on and I'm just not interested at all.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  9. #36609
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    Erin that does sound like a good deal!

    Chrissy, don't count yourself out yet! It's all still so early and new being single for you. Just because you didn't like the ones so far doesn't mean that sometime one isn't going to come along that you like.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cosmosmom View Post
    Chrissy, don't count yourself out yet! It's all still so early and new being single for you. Just because you didn't like the ones so far doesn't mean that sometime one isn't going to come along that you like.
    I'm open to the idea if one does come along, but I'm not holding my breath or pining away for it.

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  11. #36611
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    Oh, and going back to our kids and their nightmares, Bobbie just sent me this today,

    "I had a terrible dream that i had snakes in an aquarium with cichlids that I was afraid to feed..."

    For reference, she works at Petsmart, so I'm sure that's what triggered it.


    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  12. #36612
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    Let's try this again.



    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    omg MANDY I'm bawling!!! omg omg omg

    I can't think what to say. I gotta go explain myself to Conner. I just scared him!!!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  14. #36614

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    OMG OMG!!!! Mandy I am thrilled for you!!!!!!!
    Shelley-mom to DS, 6

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    Well, Congratulations of course!!

    I have no words though to convey how happy and emotional I feel for you right now. I didn't even cry this hard when I got my own positive tests!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  16. #36616
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    You know ... Just now reading this I cried. I love you girls.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    You just made me cry, too. @&!*($# CONGRATULATIONS!!!! And I never swear.

    You SO deserve this. I love that this has happened. It's about time.


  18. #36618

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    Saw on fb so hied myself over: so thrilled for you!!!!!!!!

  19. #36619
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    So tell us the story! How did you find out? Was dh with you? How many have you peed on? I want the details!! Did you suspect you might be? Any symptoms?

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    Aww..thanks.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

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    ps-I told Conner that one of my mama friends is finally having a baby and she'd been trying to have one 'just like you' for many years. I assured him I was crying happy tears. He said, "I believe you."

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


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    DH is off at his NG training for the month and he's been gone for a few days. I texted him the pic so he knows. He's busy but excited of course.

    Symptoms are mostly sore boobs, which I get every month anyway. I'm a little queasy but it's mild enough I could convince myself it's all in my head, but I guess it's real. I almost didn't test at all ... After all this time I have an aversion to testing. Today is 16dpIUI so I waited a l-o-n-g time.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  23. #36623
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    ps-I told Conner that one of my mama friends is finally having a baby and she'd been trying to have one 'just like you' for many years. I assured him I was crying happy tears. He said, "I believe you."
    Aww...thanks, Conner!

    I would be very lucky to have one just like him!
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  24. #36624
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    This is one of those moments where I dearly wished we all lived in the same town. We could gather, hug, cry, and enjoy this moment together. That's the only thing that would make it all perfect.

    I'm really inadequate and expressing how happy I am. I can't stop crying!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  25. #36625
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    OMG, Mandy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

    I just threw down my phone and ran to turn my laptop on so that I can type as fast as my brain is thinking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Congratulations! (from another overly-emotional friend!)

    Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  26. #36626
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    Quote Originally Posted by missychrissy View Post
    This is one of those moments where I dearly wished we all lived in the same town. We could gather, hug, cry, and enjoy this moment together. That's the only thing that would make it all perfect.

    I'm really inadequate and expressing how happy I am. I can't stop crying!
    I think you're doing a great job. I can tell you're gushing. We've all been waiting for this for so long. I'm right at the point where I want to start picking out names and having a baby shower and everything, and then I'm thinking, wait, stop, this isn't my baby, we're not even in the same town, and even if we were right together, we'd still wait for a while and I wouldn't be involved in the name selection process anyway. Sheesh.


  27. #36627
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    Quote Originally Posted by AmeriBrit View Post
    OMG, Mandy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

    I just threw down my phone and ran to turn my laptop on so that I can type as fast as my brain is thinking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Congratulations! (from another overly-emotional friend!)

    Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    I couldn't imagine if I'd seen that on my phone!!!! You poor thing!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  28. #36628
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    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    I think you're doing a great job. I can tell you're gushing. We've all been waiting for this for so long. I'm right at the point where I want to start picking out names and having a baby shower and everything, and then I'm thinking, wait, stop, this isn't my baby, we're not even in the same town, and even if we were right together, we'd still wait for a while and I wouldn't be involved in the name selection process anyway. Sheesh.
    I was mentally fastforwarding to OBGYN stories, ultrasound and nursery photos, as well as baby naming debates with dh. We'll side with Mandy, of course!

    Mama to Bobbie 20 ~ Jesi 18 ~ Syd 14 ~ Conner 6
    I'm gonna be a Gramama! Jesi is due 11/22/13


  29. #36629
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    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    I think you're doing a great job. I can tell you're gushing. We've all been waiting for this for so long. I'm right at the point where I want to start picking out names and having a baby shower and everything, and then I'm thinking, wait, stop, this isn't my baby, we're not even in the same town, and even if we were right together, we'd still wait for a while and I wouldn't be involved in the name selection process anyway. Sheesh.
    This is what I'm like as well! I have visions in my head of going baby clothes shopping already!

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    I know that feeling of needing a keyboard! Love it!
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