Secular Confessions

[3andMe]

Mandy, I've been peeking into your posts from time to time, too. I'm hoping hoping hoping.

I've been really short-tempered. I think we are not getting the house we were hoping to get, despite being in the 30-day escrow period. My dad is not returning my phone calls or anyone else's or signing any of the documents he needs to sign.

S. is being crrraaazzzy. Even my mom put him in time out yesterday, which is unusual for her. Today during nap time he took all of his books and tore them to shreds and threw them on the floor. Did not nap. I cried when I saw them, and he said, "Mommy, I like to see you cry. I'm going to cry too, but it's going to be fake crying. WAHHHHH!" Later on, I cried again, after we got home from school and everyone had been running away from me and then S. was throwing stuff and breaking stuff and DD came over and gave me a hug and DS said, "Take 10 deep breaths, Mommy," and S. said again, "I like it when you cry" and laughed and kicked me a bit and then ran around and threw some more stuff. (DH said, when I told him about this, that maybe it's just because it's novel to him.)

I'm having a glass of wine and feeling just a touch better. And I know my immediate problems are really petty compared to a lot of others. I actually think that it helps to have places like this on the internet, to gain a little perspective on the world, and this is just the first world, where people have homes and computers. It sucks in my house right at this moment, but in general, I have a pretty good life, no matter what is going on. And I've been trying to find the right way to put this but hey, I've had a glass of wine, and in my particular perspective, once the immediate horror and terrible grief was over, for those who say how they can't imagine how hard it is to deal with the loss of a baby, I can say that on any given day, no matter how awful it is, you can always say it's not the worst you've ever had. DH and I can even sort of joke about it now without offending each other. "I'm having the worst day of my life." "OH REALLY?!?"

And hey, for all of you dealing with the storm, batten the hatches and snuggle in tight--stay safe.

[daylilies]

Oh Lydia. It does sound like a trying day.

[Gwenn]

Oh, L, I am so sorry S is making you cry. Good for you for finding what silver lining you can, though.

I have felt like the information hub today. My sister is entering night two of no power or, as she calls it, Laura Ingalls night 2. I have been texting with her to be sure she is safe so she is pumping me for news. She texted while I was at work and at the same time by BFF in the same area emailed to say she was safe and had power, so I sent BFF on a hunt for news for my sister including school closure info. She came through with shining colors, emailed me back because she doesn't text, and I texted C. It is really amazing what we can make happen in the information age. I am so glad to know she is safe and that I can set her mind at ease in whatever small way. Funny how a crisis likes this reinforces your love for people.

[missychrissy]

L, I wouldn't consider S saying, "Mommy, I like to see you cry" and acting out as 'petty' little problems. My heart hurts for you. And you're dealing with the house issues on top of that...just wow. That IS a lot to deal with. So yeah, you have fresh water and access to medical care for your children as well as sufficient health food to feed them, but that's stressful. It's ok to feel overwhelmed in those circumstances. Either issue all by itself is a big deal.

I'm sure S is just going through a phase. He's figured out that gets a reaction out of you. Nothing more, nothing less. Not that it helps because I know what it's like to be at the end of your rope and then have a little one do just one more thing. It's a horrible feeling. You'll get through it though and in the grand scheme of things this really isn't going to shape either one of you in a permanently negative way. I know you know that.

I do hope much easier days are coming soon. It sounds like you could use a little reprieve just to reenergize!

[missychrissy]

Oh, L, I am so sorry S is making you cry. Good for you for finding what silver lining you can, though.

I have felt like the information hub today. My sister is entering night two of no power or, as she calls it, Laura Ingalls night 2. I have been texting with her to be sure she is safe so she is pumping me for news. She texted while I was at work and at the same time by BFF in the same area emailed to say she was safe and had power, so I sent BFF on a hunt for news for my sister including school closure info. She came through with shining colors, emailed me back because she doesn't text, and I texted C. It is really amazing what we can make happen in the information age. I am so glad to know she is safe and that I can set her mind at ease in whatever small way. Funny how a crisis likes this reinforces your love for people.

I love this information age. I wasn't anxious at all because I knew I had my phone and a car charger. I knew I'd stay connected no matter what!!

I hope your sister gets power soon. What happened with the crane? Is it still dangling, or did they get that down finally?

[Gwenn]

I haven't heard anything about the crane and since C has no news access she can't tell either.

[Bridget]

L, I'm so sorry. Things do sound rough right now. I love you for saying, "batten the hatches". That and "hunker down" are two of my most favorite sayings.

[missychrissy]

Well duh at me!!! I just googled...apparently the plan is to strap it down better as soon as the winds die down to less than 30 mph http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-...st-attraction/

That was just posted an hour ago and Bloomburg was quoted, so I'm assuming it's a reliable source. At least it didn't come loose and fall.

[missychrissy]

L, I'm so sorry. Things do sound rough right now. I love you for saying, "batten the hatches". That and "hunker down" are two of my most favorite sayings.

I like "keep on keepin on" Sometimes, that's really all you can do.

[raspberry]

I didn't know that Chrissy and Bridget and Karen share a birthday! Happy Birthday you three!

Anna, welcome

Katy, sorry about your loss.

Erin that witch jack-o-lantern rocks!

I am a little annoyed at dh tonight, we had planned to carve our pumpkin tonight, instead he tells me he has a meeting. He left the house at 5:30pm and it's now 10pm and he's still not home. Sometimes he can be such a total workaholic, it drives me crazy. I mean of course I love that he works so hard to provide for us, but he needs downtime, and he doesn't know how to relax. He always has to be doing something. Either he's at work, working in the yard, or he's vegging out in front of the tv. He won't really just chill and relax with G & I unless the tv is on, or he's doing yard work. grrr.

Tomorrow at G's school it's dress like your favorite literary character. G will be dressing up as Peter Rabbit. If I were the crafty sort I would be making Peter Rabbit's little blue jacket with brass buttons. But I am not crafty. I am instead looking at pictures of bunny face painting. Wondering if I can make my son look some what like a bunny rabbit before he leaves for school at 7:00 in the morning. Once he's home from school, the bunny paint will come off for Spider Man in time for TOT.

I love all those old sayings too. I sound like my mom and dad when I say them and I smile. My dad's favorite expression for us kids when we were up to no good was "what are YOU CELEBRATING?!?!" when I was a lazy teenager and sleeping in til 1pm and my dad would burst into my room, because I had neglected a chore, I would wake up to "what are YOU CELEBRATING?!" LOL!

Fingers crossed Mandy.

L, that would make me cry as well. The house and the trying toddler is enough to make anyone cry.

Today we had G's child led school conference. Basically he shows all around his room and tells us his favorite part about school. He was so excited. He loves school and his report card was good. He's doing better keeping his hands to himself I cannot believe how quickly they grow up.

[Ky'sMom]

You all flatter me by thinking I carved the exact same pumpkin in the picture!! Mine does look almost exactly like it, but I didn't have a wig so she is a bald-headed witch with a hat lol. DH was impressed though, he said mine was better than the pic. I used that pic to freehand my pumpkin. DH used a stencil for Jack Nicholson O' Lantern. I will see if I can put up a pic tomorrow.

Glad to hear everyone made it through the storm okay!

And hugs L about your trying day. You remind me a lot of myself thinking that you have first world problems. I frequently will b!tch and moan about stressful things but then think to myself, or even say out loud to whoever I'm b!tching with "At least I have arms." That usually cracks up people and it makes me giggle too sometimes, but I am actually being serious! Life would be much more difficult without my arms. If I happened to lose one, I could say "at least I have legs." Which I also do say sometimes as I cannot decide which one would be more difficult, I'm thinking arms/hands/fingers would be more difficult since we are lucky to live in the modern age in a first world country and I could get one of those cool prosthetic legs and be able to run faster than I ever have with my real legs - possibly. They have not perfected the hands or fingers in regards to prosthetics though so I think it would be easier to walk on a new leg than use a fake arm without adequate fingers. LOL, now you all have been privy to the weird thoughts that run through my head!

So glad to hear G is doing well in school Shelley! It is so great he is getting the "keeping hands to oneself" rule. I swear and I think I shared with you in that thread in NM/MIG, that this was Ky's biggest issue at school and he only recently stopped touching people all the time, like this year was the first year of school that this has not been his "goal" for the quarter lol. He is pretty good academically, not behind on anything and gets all As in his subjects but he talks too much and liked to give hugs at inappropriate times and tap people on shoulders too much.

Erin

[missychrissy]

Shelley, I remember being annoy with Rich when Bobbie and Jesi were little for being on the go all the time too. Those years go by so fast. And like your dh, he didn't seem to have an 'off' switch at all. It was go-go-go till he plopped in bed (and promptly passed out no matter what stressers we had going on) every single day. I don't know what the solution is since mine decided to drink and I'm 99.9% sure you don't want that....

Erin, you really are hysterical!! I have often brought up FWP with the girls through the years. At least once a month (probably not as often as I should!) but the thought never crossed my mind to think or say, "at least I have arms" But it's true. If you spend a nano second even thinking about it, we're pretty freaking lucky. All of us here. But that doesn't mean stress isn't present.

I'd love to see your pumpkins!

[raspberry]

You know that is just how some people are. They are talkative and they simply cannot sit still. When my mom was in school, she always always got the comment "whispers too much". Her dad promised her everything under the moon if she didn't have that on her card next time. She never was able to do it. But my mom was a people person and a talker talker talker. you might as well have asked her to stop breathing. It sounds like that is how Ky is, it's just him.

Just curious, how old was Ky when he started Kindergarten?

[missychrissy]

We were talking about that today at work. My dear friend and coworker, Faye, is a very affectionate person. She'll reach out and touch your forearm. She's not afraid to hug and literally gives pats on the back. She is easily the kindest, gentlest sweetest soul I've ever met. As well as chipper, upbeat, happy, and genuine. There's nothing that I've seen in 8 months that's negative about her...and even she's gotten in trouble for being 'inappropriate' in the work place It genuinely broke my heart when she was telling me this today because she's as sincere as sincere can be and would never, EVER do anything to make someone feel uncomfortable. I cannot help but suspect the person that turned her in was only being spiteful, but that doesn't sound like that person either.

Faye has said she has to try and be very careful and if she finds herself touching anyone, she apologizes and tells the person kindly that if she's making them uncomfortable to please let her know, but she explains that's just her nature and sometimes she does it without thinking. I hate that she has to worry about it. I cannot fathom anyone misinterpreting her gestures. But it's the times and that's her 'cross to bear' I guess. I know she struggles with it a lot...and bless her heart, but when she told me today she wasn't saying it like the other person was bad for being uncomfortable. Faye honestly felt bad for making her feel uncomfortable.

[Bridget]

Well, Jeeze. Why couldn't the person just kindly say they aren't comfortable being touched? They had to go report her?

I do hate to see so many labels on children in regards to their behaviors. There is a place for all types of people in this world and if we keep trying to fit our children into a mold that makes large classrooms easier to control, we will never have great thinkers and movers and shakers.

[missychrissy]

Well, Jeeze. Why couldn't the person just kindly say they aren't comfortable being touched? They had to go report her?

I do hate to see so many labels on children in regards to their behaviors. There is a place for all types of people in this world and if we keep trying to fit our children into a mold that makes large classrooms easier to control, we will never have great thinkers and movers and shakers.

That's what I wanted to know too but Faye said some people just aren't comfortable being upfront like that. She's really a forgiving heart and I admire her greatly for that. I know I can stand to learn a thing or two from her about forgiveness.

And I agree about the label. I'm sure Faye was a touchy-feely child as well. Some people just are. My opinion is that it's easy to determine the person's intention. As adults at least, you really have to think about the intent behind it and i think that has to be taught from a very early age. However, devil's advocate, it's probably easier for a teacher with 20+ kids to just say "no touching!" to everyone than it is to try and determine whether one incident was an innocent thing, or if it's a kid trying to egg another on by continuously touching them.

[Gwenn]

A few people posted on my sister's fb thread wanting to know if she is okay so I commented that she was safe but had no power. My mother then asked how I had been able to be in touch with her? Had to explain about this magical thing called texting, and that she likely wasn't answering their calls because her phone is mostly off to conserve her battery.

So then my mother told me to ask her if she had a car charger because if she did she could charge her phone in the car. Um, Mom, pretty sure my sister is smart enough to figure that one out. And if she isn't, her almost 18 year old who is applying to the top engineering colleges in the country most certainly can figure that out.

[missychrissy]

When we were without power during the flood '11, I used an adapter in my cigarette lighter and plugged a power strip into that so we could all charge our cell phones at the same time. I thought I was clever. lol

[Ky'sMom]

You know that is just how some people are. They are talkative and they simply cannot sit still. When my mom was in school, she always always got the comment "whispers too much". Her dad promised her everything under the moon if she didn't have that on her card next time. She never was able to do it. But my mom was a people person and a talker talker talker. you might as well have asked her to stop breathing. It sounds like that is how Ky is, it's just him.

Just curious, how old was Ky when he started Kindergarten?

Ky is a February birthday, he was 5 when he started Kindergarten so 5 years 6 months, almost exactly 5.5 years old. He stopped touching so much at the end of last year when he was 10 but he is very affectionate. I love that about him but I admit, sometimes he does do it to be annoying. I think he finally got the point when he kept tapping one of my nephews on the shoulder and bugging him when my nephew asked and told him to stop, and Ky kept doing it so my nephew kicked him really hard in the shin and bruised him because he felt Ky was nitpicking him. He probably was. He gets that from DH . DH also likes to nitpick and unfortunately the kids pick up on this trait. He wasn't like that though when he was in kindergarten. It was always about hugs and putting his arm around his friends. I have lots of pics of him putting his arm around the shoulders of his good friends in kindergarten. And before leaving school, he always had to go and hug his besties.

When we were without power during the flood '11, I used an adapter in my cigarette lighter and plugged a power strip into that so we could all charge our cell phones at the same time. I thought I was clever. lol

You are clever!!! I would have never thought of that!

LOL at your mom Mandy! I hope you told her that your sister and niece are knowledgeable about the realm of car chargers lol.

Erin

[daylilies]

Well, my mother told me on the night of the hurricane that she lost power, around 4:00. I didn't hear from her again and in the morning I called her house, e mailed her and called her cell phone. No answer anywhere. I called her cell phone again a couple hours later and she finally answered. She was at work! I guess sometimes parents don't realize we worry about them, too?

[Bridget]

That is very true that parents don't realize that. I worry about my dad when I don't hear from him for a few days, he doesn't answer my emails, return my texts and he's like, Huh? When I finally talk to him.

[Gwenn]

Yes, my parents are frantic if they can't get ahold of me but "meh" if I can't get ahold of them.

[Gwenn]

You guys, I am starting to worry about my sister. She sent me this text today (normally she capitalizes and punctuates):

hi there charged battery a bit had hot lunch [husband's work] inaccessible until sunday lost a lot of food and major fundraiser canceled. mount vernon declared emergency state last night police cars announced curfew i am guessing there was crime harrison still no power also havent seen one coned truck yet in entire neighborhood. where the hell are they? still just minor tree cleanup happening and mail svc streets full of debris and smell running low on batteries and candles but so far ok please let mom know thanks!

---

I sent this to my parents and my brother who is just up the river from her an hour or so. He said "oh, I didn't realize. Guess I should get in touch." idiot.

[missychrissy]

I hope she's ok. I'm sure it's just that she's out of power and batteries by now. How frustrating your brother didn't think to touch base with her at least. Cripes.

[Bridget]

Ah, dammit I would be worried too! Hate it when things are so out of our control. I heard some fleeting talk on npr today before I had to turn on Peter Pan about how the hurricane/election time/full moon/halloween signifies a change in energy/power that is about to happen. I don't normally buy into that sort of thing but darnit I do hope for a big change for our country. I always have believed that nothing is going to get better until it gets really, really bad. And I don't think this hurricane puts us there yet.

We came to Milwaukee today to see the pirate exhibit at the museum. S and K are both very into the peter pan trilogy and thus pirates. But lo and behold and shiver me timbers the exhibit does not start until Dec. How bad to dbf and I suck that we didn't see that??? We got a flier in the mail about it and assumed it was going on now. Luckily we have made the best of it so far. Dbf earned a free hotel with all of his traveling so there's that.

It occured to me today that everyone in my family talks to me and not so much to each other. Any question that anyone has they ask me as if the rest of the family is not there. Walking down the street and at dinner I have Sawyer, Savana, Kai, dbf...all speaking to me. I'm like a freaking ping pong paddle trying to deflect each question back to them. Dbf has the audacity to act annoyed when I cannot immediately address his questions or attemps at conversation. I say to him, "can you not see what I'm dealing with here?" and he goes for the pity angle and says of course he comes last. DUDE. HELP.ME. Divide and conquer!!! That's how regular couples do it!!
Back at the hotel room I am trying to get the 3 kids to sleep while we are all in one room of course as is the nature of hotel rooms and he mumbles some grumble about how it's too early to go to bed. Meanwhile he is not helping get them to sleep at all, in his boxers, under the covers. I said to him that WE don't actually have to go to sleep. WE are just pretending. I also queried why it is that I feel like he's some dude I just started dating that has no idea how it is to have 3 young children. He was like, "Not funny."
No ****.

[missychrissy]

No kidding it's not funny! Did he have any other solutions to offer? He really needs to act more like an adult instead of a spoiled child that wants to be the center of attention all the time. And who also always wants his own way.

[Bridget]

No. He has no other solutions. He was just pissed off and now he's sleeping.
Lately he has been expressing, in a not so sensitive fashion, that we don't dtd enough. I actually agree with this. But tonight we were going to dinner, which we NEVER do because we can't afford it and because with all of Kai's allergies it's just not practical. But we found a sushi place (gluten/dairy/egg free by nature) that had 1/2 off entrees for happy hour. I brought a dress and boots to wear to dinner but as soon as I started getting ready, dbf got all pissy about how hungry he was and did I really have to change? Seriously? It takes me about 12 minutes to get ready. And who am I trying to look good for? He can't grant me the opportunity to look cute on the rare occasion that we go out (with the kids, but still) then how am I supposed to feel sexy? And if I don't feel sexy I don't act sexy! I mean, really, it's takes one article in cosmo to figure that **** out.
And not only that but all he does is make snide remarks about it instead of stepping up and being romantic or even just KIND for chrissake to put me in the mood.
Oh I am annoyed by all of this!

On a happier note. Tomorrow Savana is 7. So hard to believe! My babygirl.

[Gwenn]

Oh, Bridget, it isn't funny. Not at all. I am so sorry you feel that way.

My brother has been in touch with my sister and told her to go up there if she needs to. I'm glad.

[missychrissy]

No. He has no other solutions. He was just pissed off and now he's sleeping.
Lately he has been expressing, in a not so sensitive fashion, that we don't dtd enough. I actually agree with this. But tonight we were going to dinner, which we NEVER do because we can't afford it and because with all of Kai's allergies it's just not practical. But we found a sushi place (gluten/dairy/egg free by nature) that had 1/2 off entrees for happy hour. I brought a dress and boots to wear to dinner but as soon as I started getting ready, dbf got all pissy about how hungry he was and did I really have to change? Seriously? It takes me about 12 minutes to get ready. And who am I trying to look good for? He can't grant me the opportunity to look cute on the rare occasion that we go out (with the kids, but still) then how am I supposed to feel sexy? And if I don't feel sexy I don't act sexy! I mean, really, it's takes one article in cosmo to figure that **** out.
And not only that but all he does is make snide remarks about it instead of stepping up and being romantic or even just KIND for chrissake to put me in the mood.
Oh I am annoyed by all of this!

On a happier note. Tomorrow Savana is 7. So hard to believe! My babygirl.

Happy Birthday Savana!! I can't believe she's 7 either!

I think your dbf's expectation of dtd is unreasonable considering his attitude about many things.

Oh, Bridget, it isn't funny. Not at all. I am so sorry you feel that way.

My brother has been in touch with my sister and told her to go up there if she needs to. I'm glad.

I'm glad she's ok and that he was able to get in touch with her.


Conner told me last night that he doesn't say boobies at school. I'm thinking he did and was told, again, that's inappropriate. I don't know what it is about boys....but I never had any of this stuff with any of my girls. He's definitely a whole different little person than his sisters were! Thankfully, it really does not seem to bother him when he gets into mischief in school. And what I mean by that is it doesn't impact his love of his teacher or school. If it were me, I'd be humiliated and it would make me cry. Conner just shrugs it off and makes a mental note not to say 'boobies' (or whatever) again.

[daylilies]

Ah, dammit I would be worried too! Hate it when things are so out of our control. I heard some fleeting talk on npr today before I had to turn on Peter Pan about how the hurricane/election time/full moon/halloween signifies a change in energy/power that is about to happen. I don't normally buy into that sort of thing but darnit I do hope for a big change for our country. I always have believed that nothing is going to get better until it gets really, really bad. And I don't think this hurricane puts us there yet.

We came to Milwaukee today to see the pirate exhibit at the museum. S and K are both very into the peter pan trilogy and thus pirates. But lo and behold and shiver me timbers the exhibit does not start until Dec. How bad to dbf and I suck that we didn't see that??? We got a flier in the mail about it and assumed it was going on now. Luckily we have made the best of it so far. Dbf earned a free hotel with all of his traveling so there's that.

It occured to me today that everyone in my family talks to me and not so much to each other. Any question that anyone has they ask me as if the rest of the family is not there. Walking down the street and at dinner I have Sawyer, Savana, Kai, dbf...all speaking to me. I'm like a freaking ping pong paddle trying to deflect each question back to them. Dbf has the audacity to act annoyed when I cannot immediately address his questions or attemps at conversation. I say to him, "can you not see what I'm dealing with here?" and he goes for the pity angle and says of course he comes last. DUDE. HELP.ME. Divide and conquer!!! That's how regular couples do it!!
Back at the hotel room I am trying to get the 3 kids to sleep while we are all in one room of course as is the nature of hotel rooms and he mumbles some grumble about how it's too early to go to bed. Meanwhile he is not helping get them to sleep at all, in his boxers, under the covers. I said to him that WE don't actually have to go to sleep. WE are just pretending. I also queried why it is that I feel like he's some dude I just started dating that has no idea how it is to have 3 young children. He was like, "Not funny."
No ****.

I'm sorry, did we marry separate halves of the same guy?

We just have one child and I'm constantly handling questions and conversation from both of them! Josh goes completely nuts when DH comes home. It's like he's vying for my attention. Or DH's. DH is very slow to speak, he doesn't collect his thoughts before he talks so there are a lot of pauses and um's, and Josh takes every chance he gets to interrupt. When I tell him to please wait he says something like "Okay but I have to tell you this one thing first" LOL

Sometimes it takes the whole evening to get through one anecdote DH wants to tell about work! Augh!